Friday August 4, 2006
QUICK JOKE SPECTACULAR! ONE JOKE FOR EVERY YEAR WE'VE BEEN ON THE NET!
QUICK JOKE I
A man was in Target buying a large bag of Purina
Dog Chow for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
On impulse to be a smartass, the man said no. "I'm starting The Purina
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms."
The man told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so, he
was going to try it again.
At this point practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with the
story, particularly a tall guy behind the lady.
Horrified, she asked if he had been poisoned and was that why he had been in the
hospital.
The man answered, "No, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car
hit me."
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door."
QUICK JOKE II
A There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at
the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just
think, honey,
we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting here at
this breakfast
table together."
"Hmmm," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty
years
ago this morning."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we?" Whereupon the two
stripped
to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as
hot for you
now as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other one's in your oatmeal!"
QUICK JOKE III
A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor said, with much surprise, "Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear!"
"Eh?" the old woman said holding a hand to her
ear.
"Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!"
The old lady leaned foreword trying to hear, "EH!?"
"I said there is a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!"
"Oh dear," the old lady said, "Now I think I know what happened to my hearing aid."
QUICK JOKE IV
Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet, sensitive men in this world?
A: Because they already have boyfriends!
QUICK JOKE V
A girl runs home to her mother crying, "I can't marry Joe! He's an atheist! He doesn't believe in God or Jesus or anything!
"Don't worry, Honey," said her mom.
"But Mom, he doesn't even believe in Hell!
"Don't worry, Honey," repeated her mom, "you marry him...and we'll convince him!"?
QUICK JOKE VI
A blonde is sitting on an airplane when the captain comes on the speaker and makes an announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we appear to have lost all power in the number four engine. Don't worry, this plane can fly on the three remaining engines, but as a result we'll be an hour late reaching our destination."
The blonde harrumphs to herself and rolls her eyes. She has an appointment to get to once they land... thankfully, she have plenty of time to make it once they land.
About ten minutes later, the captain is heard again, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we appear to have lost all power in the number two engine. Don't be alarmed, though, we can still fly the plane on the remaining two engines, but this will make us late one more hour."
The blonde gets a little more frustrated, but reminds herself that she'll still have time to make her appointment.
Suddenly, the pilot is heard again, "We appear to have lost power in our number one engine. This plane is designed to fly with only one engine, so please don't panic. This will make us one additional hour late to our destination."
"Dammit," the blonde says, "If we loose that last engine we'll NEVER get there on time!"
QUICK JOKE VII
An angry husband returned home one night to find
his wife in bed with a naked man. "What are you doing!?" he shouted.
To which his wife said to her lover "See, I told you he was stupid!"
QUICK JOKE VIII
Three cowboys — from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and
Texas—are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, “Just the other
day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my
hands.”
The Arkansan replies, “Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I
grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards
away.”
The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
QUICK JOKE IX
There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with
the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them
from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak much
English, but was a very good worker.
After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French
worker was just about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep farmer yelled,
"No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're
delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."
Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper, and indeed the 'sheep
fries' were tasty.
The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all
settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'. The third day, however, when
the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was,
and she said, "You know, it's the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't
very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have French fries,
and he ran like hell!"
QUICK JOKE X
Matt's dad picked him up from school one
afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted
today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's
been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be
giving you a speaking part."
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
EVIL KITTY'S VIDEO OVERLOAD!
That's right, folks, in honor of The Slightly Warped Website's 10th Anniversary, Evil Kitty has pulled out all the stops this week to bring you a veritable cornucopia of the best of viral video harvested from the net. Enjoy!
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EVIL KITTY CONQUERS THE
UNIVERSE It's the very first Evil Kitty fan movie! |
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GELLER BUSTED BY CARSON Johnny Carson exposes a famous psychic as a phony on live TV. |
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MUST LOVE JAWS Jaws the way of Free Willy. A hilarious re-edited trailer. |
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A NINJA PAYS HALF MY RENT A funny short film about a guy's new roommate. |
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LOST BLOOPERS |
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DARTH VADER IS A SMARTASS Here a scene that proves what a dick Darth Vader is. |
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LEMONADE Having an empath aboard your ship must be a little awkward sometimes. |
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J-MAC: A HOOP DREAM This sports story is so amazing, it's being made into a movie. |
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CAPTAIN EO The classic 3-D movie starring Michael Jackson! Remember when he was still sane... and black? |
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OLBERMANN VS. O'REILLY Bill O'Reilly is caught red-handed lying on his show. If you're a fan of Bill, be ashamed. |
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CNN WHOOPSIE A reporter reports on the wrong thing at a very inappropriate time and is dressed down on live TV |
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BOLIVA BUG Oh my GOD! What the hell IS this thing!? |
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BACK TO THE FUTURE RE-EDIT The dance sequence re-edited with clips from the first two movies. Cool! |
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HAPPY FUN BALL A classic SNL commercial parody. |
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TALKING DOGS Remember the talking cats video? This is the same thing... only with dogs. |
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COPIER OOPSIE Yeah, I don't think this man kept his job after all this was over with. What a dumbass. |
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UFOS ON COMMAND This man claims to be able to call UFOs... and seems to do it during an interview! |
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RICHARD SIMMONS ON "WHOS
LINE...?" Richard makes an innocent game very dirty, God bless him. |
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TURBINE MAN Any pussy can go skydiving, but it takes a man to put turbines on his legs and go skydiving! |
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TWELVE IMPRESSIONS This guy is good. REAL good. |
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Thank you for making me laugh. Your the Best man. - Daffy Duck |
Dear Mr. Duck,
You are welcome for making you laugh. If you ask me, you're not nearly as despicable as people make you seem. But honestly, trying to convince the hunters that it's wabbit season? Surely there must be a better way of saving your own neck than murdering your best friend. Just food for thought.
Love,
Donner
THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE SLIGHTLY WARPED WEBSITE
Ho-lee shit. I've been doing this for ten years? A full decade of site maintenance and creation, of writing stories and making funny photoshops. Ten damn years? Where did they all go?
All right, I'm not going to bore you with the history of this joint or where it came from because I'm low on time and I have to get out of here. Let me just say that this website, the people I have met because of it, and the work I have put into it has made me a better person, a more outgoing person, and someone who has become unafraid to take chances or voice opinions.
Because of that and your loyal patronage, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
And hopefully the 20th anniversary blog I write in 2016 will be a little more meaningful and not so rushed. God willing, me and The Slightly Warped Website will still be around to write it.
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EVIL KITTY'S VIDEO CORNER You wanted Evil Kitty and her internet finds to have their own page on slightlywarped.com and, by God, we're giving it to you! |
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THE CRAP FACTORY: CURIOSITIES The odd, the bizarre, and the just plain weird. That's what our newest gallery, Curiosities is all about. Give it a visit, why don't you? |
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SPACE $19.99 Donner debuts... an unfinished story? That's right, it's the sequel to Space: Behind and Between that he never completed. Perhaps this will entice him to get off his ass and finish it? |
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SPACE $19.99 By the way, this story is also a Sliders crossover, so it's available on the Sliders page too. |
And thus begins the next ten years. Shall you join us?
Friday August 12, 2006
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QUICK JOKE I
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
QUICK JOKE II
A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid
his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
QUICK JOKE III
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world"
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love
of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
I really like this site as I am a big fan of the paranormal myself. Keep up the good work. - Ghost Hunter |
Dear Mr. Hunter,
The fact that you like this site fills me with a warm gooey sensation I have not felt since I was 13 and had my first nocturnal emissions. I wish you great joy and abundant children that you may use as slaves.
Love,
Donner
THE FASCISTS COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK
All right, I'm pissed off. I'm due to go to Europe in a couple of weeks and to get there I will be forced to squeeze my wide behind into a chair four sizes too small for twenty hours straight. As if that's not bad enough, now the fascists in charge are once again patting themselves on the back for foiling a so-called terrorist plot (which they have given suspicious little information about) and now I'm going to have to go without a few things.
For example, I cannot take my laptop with me because it might be a bomb. I can't take my portable DVD player with me for it too might be a bomb. MP3 player? Forget it... might be a bomb. I can't even take a fucking bottle of water with me because it might be a bomb as well.
So, once again under the threat of supposed terrorist activities we've gotten our civil rights taken away, our dignity spit on by those who claim to protect us, and the American people have rolled over and farted just as they did when this bastard administration conned and scared the public into voting them back into office.
For Christ sake, people, where is the outrage? Where is the crazed mobs? Where is the revolution this country needs to throw the criminals and the thugs out of office?
Obviously, I get a little grumpy when I go without my MP3 player.
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FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP This week! SNAKES ON A PLANE! That's right, you little pukes, you've been waiting for it and now it's here... SNAKES ON A PLANE! Plus Mel Gibson and a FOX NEWS ALERT contest that has to be seen to be beleived! |
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DONNER'S MOVIE REVIEWS Lady in the Water is all wet, Little Man is appalling, and Clerks II is a superior sequel! Read more of Donner's ramblings now! |
Now I'm off to go drink a nice cool bottle of possible explosives.
Friday August 18, 2006
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QUICK JOKE I
A man walked into the ladies department of a
Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the
woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"
"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed him a sea of bras in every
shape, size color and material. Actually, even with all of this variety, there
are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the
Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports
the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type
makes mountains out of mole hills."
QUICK JOKE II
When Jane reached the check-out, she learned that one of her items ad no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE 12, TAMPAX SUPERSIZE."
If that was bad enough, somebody at the rear of the store misunderstood the word
"tampax" for "thumbtacks".
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: "Do you want the
kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a HAMMER?"
QUICK JOKE III
A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some ideas
around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers featuring
Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.
The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was
prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play
him."
"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, I'll play him."
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach." replied Arnold.
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
kool site, keep it up. - Matt |
Dear Matt,
What I "keep up" is my own private affair and I'll thank you for staying the hell out of it.
Love,
Donner
WHAT I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION
You know, with all of the hubbub the last week about the terrorist with liquids on planes and what we weren't and were going to be allowed to take on them... even though the government has known the terrorist and had liquid explosives for years now and are just using this to do a little fear mongering before the elections... I completely forgot to tell all of you great folks about the vacation that I had when I was gone for two weeks last month.
This was the first road trip that I had taken since 1992. Since 92, I've flown to Florida, The Bahamas, to Hawaii, and to Alaska. Forgetting everything I hate about road trips in the first place, I figured it was time that my family and I took a real honest to God road trip once again. So, after making a four-hour trip to my parents house in West Texas, my Wife, myself, and my family - ten people in all - piled into two cars and drove all the way to Albuquerque, New Mexico.
New Mexico, in case you're wondering, looks like the front lawn of some redneck house. The entire state is just dirty. Trash everywhere. I don't mean to hurt your feelings if you're from New Mexico, but seriously... cleaning up every now and again wouldn't hurt. And what somebody please tell me what that smell is?
Albuquerque, despite being right smack in the center of New Mexico, is actually a very clean city and a nice place to visit. However, my family and I stayed in a hotel we thought was going to be nice but turned out to be anything but. As a matter of fact, the staff there were so incompetent that it took 45 minutes to check in and then on top of that, they kept my mother's driver's license and did not return it to her. we did not even notice until we reached Arizona the next day. They did end up mailing it to her when we got home, but it arrived COD - meaning she had to pay for their fuck up. When mom called the hotel to complain, they accused her of being racist against the Mexicans who worked there even though mom didn't say a word about them. Eventually, the manager of the place got word of it and called mom to apologize for his staff's behavior and assured her that it wouldn't happen again. Mom said, "I don't give a shit what happens in your hotel. I won't be back."
Our
next stop was Flagstaff, Arizona which sets at a high mountain elevation.
It was actually cool and a complete departure from the burning desert we had
spent so many days driving through. I had saw on TV where Phoenix had
gotten up to 118° that day however, in Flagstaff, it was a nice and mild 80°.
From Flagstaff we drove north to Paige, Arizona where we visited Glen Canyon and Lake Powell. I have to say that the Glen Canyon area and Lake Powell were absolutely gorgeous... and keep in mind I don't do deserts. I'm a snow and ice type of guy... remember your reading something from the guy who wants to move to Alaska and freeze to death.
In Paige, we went to Glen Canyon Dam and went on a dam tour. On the dam tour we asked our dam tour guide all of the dam questions we could think of and, of course, he provided us with all of the dam answers he knew. We weren't allowed to take any bags into the visitor center of the dam because, after all, we might be dam terrorists.
You
may find a dam tour boring, but I found it very fascinating to see how it works.
That and the fact that it was 60° inside the dam while it was 111° outside.
The next day we ventured to a place called Antelope Canyon which was probably the highlight of the entire trip for me. This Canyon, situated inside the Navajo Indian Reservation, is very tall and yet very narrow. Inside, you were cut off completely from the sun except for the middle of the day when the sun sends beans into the Canyon creating a dancing light display on the walls and on the floor. if you had seen that movie Broken Arrow, I'm told that Antelope Canyon is featured at. I can't verify this is I have never seen that movie.
After
that we decided to head towards the real thing the Grand Canyon. We went
to stay in this place called Cliffdwellers Lodge and, let me tell you, this
place wasn't so out in the middle of nowhere that we had no TV and no phone
service you couldn't even get a cell phone signal. It was situated at the
base of the Vermilion Cliffs and looked out onto a completely flat desert
environment. This, my friends, was what I would called the low point of
the trip.
The next morning a few of us went to go hike up the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. What was surreal about this leg of the trip was that we had to drive through part of the forest that had been burned, and was still burning. I tell you what though, the trip up the North Rim was definitely worth it. I never really associated the Grand Canyon with being forested before, but on the North Rim the temperatures were mild and decided and top of the canyon was covered with a green carpet of pine trees. The views were absolutely breathtaking and I'm glad that I went.
The
South Rim of the Grand Canyon, however, isn't quite as nice but it's still worth
a trip to go see. This is the more famous and more "touristy" part of the
canyon. Still, for the more traditional views which are still very lovely,
I would recommend going at least once.
We left Arizona the next day, and drove through Monument Valley in Utah. Until I drove through Utah I did not think another place could suck his bad as New Mexico... Dear Allah, was I wrong. Utah, is what we call "teh suck." I can only hope that the entire state is not like the southern half of it. Hopefully those Mormons keep the northern half a little nicer.
We
also stopped at Four Corners which in case you don't know is the only place in
the United States that you can stand in four states at once, Colorado New Mexico
Utah and Arizona. The Navajo charged three bucks each to get in and it is
a big tourist trap but you know, I like tourist trap sometimes and four Corners
was cool I don't care what anybody says. I dig tourist traps. I
can't help it.
Besides, giving the Navajo three dollars to stand on a piece of land the size of a postcard makes me feel better about my White Guilt.
From
there we ventured to Cortez, Colorado were you can find the ancient cliff
dwelling structures of Mesa Verde. It's something surreal to hike up to
these old houses are built into the sides of cliffs and then realize that you're
standing in something that's almost 1000 years old.
Next on our trip was Pagosa Springs, Colorado. I had been to Pagosa Springs before in the past but that was in the Winter... in the Summer the place is completely different. The temperature is still very nice, and a nice change of place from the hundred degree plus whether the we'd been experiencing throughout most of the trip. I enjoyed going to the hot springs downtown which look like giant anthills with hot sulfur smelling water coming up out of the top. It's definitely something to see.
The
first stop on the trip home was Santa Fe, New Mexico and there we saw the
miraculous staircase at the Loretto Church. In case are not familiar with
the story, it's said that a staircase... a circular staircase with no center
support to hold up... was built by St. Joseph himself to aid the faithful nuns
in the church to get up into the choir loft. I don't know if that's true
or not, but I can appreciate good architecture when I see it and the miraculous
staircase is definitely good architecture. The fact that thing can stand,
much less support the weight of people going off it, is something to marvel at.
Leaving Santa Fe, we journeyed back to West Texas stayed at Mom's overnight and then made the four hour drive back home to Fort Worth. This isn't exactly the vacation that I would repeat again, but I enjoyed it for what it was. Everyone should go on a natury vacation every now and again and, every few years, everyone should go on a good road trip. Now that got my road trip out of the way, I sure as hell am going to fly were ever I go from now on... even if the traitorous president and the Homeland Security fascists make it a gigantic pain in the ass in the hopes they can scare people into voting Republican again.
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EVIL KITTY CONQUERS THE UNIVERSE You asked for it, now you're going to get it! It's more EVIL KITTY and her quest to take over the world! |
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FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP This week! It's horrible! It's unethical! It's Unamerican! It's THE WORLD TRADE CENTER PHOTOSHOP CONTEST! Don't get your panties in a bunch, we're talking about Oliver Stone's movie. Also, SPAWN OF ODDITIE! Are we really heartless enough to photoshop a baby? Yes. |
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DONNER'S MOVIE REVIEWS Speaking of World Trade Center, it's one of six new reviews this week including Talladega Nights, The Decent, Monster House, A Scanner Darkly, and The Benchwarmers! |
Bye bye now.
Friday August 25, 2006
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QUICK JOKE I
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about
that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I
was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife,
too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.""
QUICK JOKE II
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last
three weekends."
Father Donavon asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be telling you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me
now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say Father, please."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Brydie Sharon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed, Father."
"Was it Fiona McDonald then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and
I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church
for three months. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd
you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads." "
QUICK JOKE III
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A
pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save
lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
|
Just wanted to say how kool beans the site is, and to please keep it going, because if you stop, I would probably lash out and kill a puppy. Please, think of the puppies. - Me |
Dear Me,
This site is popular due, in large part, to Evil Kitty you see pictured on the stamp above your letter. Let me ask you this... if you killed a puppy, do you honestly think she'd give a shit?
Love,
Donner
RAIN, RAIN GO AWAY... FUCK, WHY DON'T IT RAIN?
Unless you live in Texas, you probably won't have a clue what the following rant is all about.
Weather people... meteorologists... that dick on the news telling you if it's hot or not. Whatever you call them, here in Texas they are pissing me off and I'll tell you why. Right now, thanks to global warming and, I'm sure, God smiting this area for sucking so much, Texas in the the throes of the worst drought in 50 years. Since May, we have had almost 40 days of temperature over 100 degrees and little or no rain.
The weather itself doesn't piss me off. It makes me miserable and makes me hate this place even more, but I really can't blame Mother Nature for the mood I'm in. What DOES piss me off is the attitude of these damn weathermen every time we get into one of these cycles. The pricks are never satisfied!
Right now, they're all like, "Aw, why don't if ever rain? We sure need the rain! We're gonna die unless we get rain!" and then, when it rains for more than six hours, they start bitching about the rain. "Well, when is this fucking rain going to stop? Hopefully soon because I've got a golf game!"
You think the farmers of America really give a shit about your golf game, you monkey in a suit? Will you ever be satisfied or will you forever complain from the pedestal of television news? Be thankful for the rain, don't curse it, tell us the weather, and shut the fuck up!!!
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SLIGHTLY WARPED: THE COMIC STRIP Look out Penny Arcade and all of you other quality and genuinely funny internet comic strips. I'm making a half-assed attempt to cash in now! |
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ACTUAL ADS It's a new gallery at The Crap Factory! Actual Ads showcases the print and billboard ads that make you look twice and smile and then scream OMFG! WTF!? Also, it's another round of PHOTOSHOP TENNIS!!! |
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FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP This week! Beerfest! Nuff said. |
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DONNER'S MOVIE REVIEWS Motherfucking Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane, bitch! Also, Miami Vice! |
That's it. Enjoy the tennis, enjoy the comic, enjoy the shit. I gotta get.