Monday July 2, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
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A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all
served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in
Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to
talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that
hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another,
and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find
a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various
bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the
woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the
Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me
around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother
of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to
give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs
in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he
claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I
FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But
that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to
wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to
a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you
said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising
Jesus."
The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running
in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said,
"Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
QUICK JOKE II
Three friends died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival at
the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they are all admitted. He
cautions them, though, that there is only one rule: Don't step on the
ducks. The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks
"The ducks?".
"Yes", St. Peter replies, "there are millions of ducks up here walking
around and, if one gets stepped on, he squawks then the one next to him
squawks and soon they're all raising hell and it really breaks the
tranquillity. If you step on the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise
everything is yours to enjoy."
After entering, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks
everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys stepped on one of
them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was
a deafening roar of duck quacks. St. Peter walked up with an extremely
homely woman in tow and asked "Who stepped on the duck?". The one who
had done it admitted "I did." Immediately, St. Peter pulled out a pair
of handcuffs and cuffed the mans' right hand to the homely woman's left
hand. "I told you not to step on the ducks", he said. "Now you'll be
handcuffed together for eternity.
The other two men were very cautious not to step on any ducks, but a
couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as
deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even
uglier woman than before. St. Peter determined which one had stepped on
a duck by the fear in his face, and cuffed the mans' right hand to the
homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to step on the ducks", he
said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for
fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn't
stepped on a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the
three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most
beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and
then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked
off. The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for
eternity, let out a sigh and said, "What have I done to deserve this"?
The woman responded, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
QUICK JOKE III
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On
his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out
back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the
tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a
long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when
they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all
right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the
captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN
THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into
the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have
vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant,
"Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into
town."
GOT JOKE?
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brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
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Dear Donner, |
Dear Sean,
Try looking on the page you referenced. With the correct skills, you will notice that the seemingly random letters on that page actually form words which, in turn, form strings of information. If you still have trouble, please consult a first grade teacher.
Love,
Donner
To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.
GETTING MY GEEK ON
About the only time you'll find my wide behind in a museum is if I get lost so it's no small surprise that I ended up in the middle of The Fort Worth Museum of Science and Technology. Granted, I'll go to a museum if there's something cool on display like Body Worlds a few months back and this time was no exception... this time, it was Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination. Basically it's a educational thingie masquerading as a Sci-Fi con and I'll be damned if it didn't work.
I mean, the mug was packed out. There were thousands of people there all wanting to get in to see if science was ever going to be on the verge of creating an X-Wing or a real Jar Jar so, we had to buy our tickets and wait several hours before going in.
No problem. It's a museum, after all, there would be plenty to see, right?
First thing we did was go to the Omni-Vision theater. You know those things, right? They're like IMAX, only they show the picture on a large inverted dome so that you see the picture out with your whole field of vision. It's like IMAX on steroids.
So I go to sit down in these seats and I don't fit. Granted, I make a lot of jokes about being fat and overweight, but truthfully, I'm not that fat. I'm not, like, Harry Knowles fat or anything, I'm just pleasingly plump. I could not squeeze into the seat! Thankfully, taking a quick glance around, I noticed others were having this problem too... thin people. Who the fuck designed these seats? Supermodel tailors?
We watched this movie called Special Effects. Amazingly, it was about special effects from Star Wars to Independence Day to Jurassic Park.... and then they had a rather large segment on the movie Kazaam.
Yes, you heard me... Kazaam.
Overall, it was boring, it made me motion sick, and robbed me of ten bucks. Fuck you, Museum of Science and Technology.
The next thing I decided to do was visit the planetarium. I love planetariums. I used to take a college class in one. It was the best sleep I ever had and I assumed that the museum's planetarium would be spectacular.
Wrong! The goddamn thing was smaller than my living room and if that's not enough, the presentation they gave was WRONG!!! The pimply-faced little dick who was narrating the show was talking about how Titan was a lot like Degobah (they were really hitting the Star Wars references) and then told us that Titan was a moon of Jupiter. I said, "Saturn." He asked if I had a question and I said that Titan orbited Saturn, not Jupiter. The pimply-faced little prick told me that the notes he said had that Titan was a moon of Jupiter and said I must have my facts wrong.
Even the prerecorded narration was wrong! Fuck you again, Fort Worth Museum of Science and Technology!
Finally, it was time to go into the exhibit and, after the shitty small-seated movie theater and lying astronomers in the planetarium, I wasn't expecting much from the rest of the museum and then, right when you walked into the first exhibit, there was Luke Skywalker's landspeeder from the first Star Wars movie.
And it only got better! The Millennium Falcon model, the X-Wing model, the Chewbacca costume... they were all there! I mean, for fuck's sake, people, I actually stood six inches away from R2-D2, C3PO, and Darth Vader and for that moment, I didn't care about how shitty the museum had been, I was a kid all over again ahhh'ing and oooo'ing at my childhood heroes who were right there... right there in front of me.
What a great day.
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! Cosmic Weasel and time travel just don't mix... |
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FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP Live Free or Die Hard! |
May the force be with you.
Monday July 9, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
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This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes
home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone,
and says, "I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his
Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes
by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be
there for about an hour and a half."
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a
housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra
with the housekeeper..."
QUICK JOKE II
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on
dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to
pick up Betty. We're going for
spaghetti, is she ready?"
The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
QUICK JOKE III
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience
would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the
same tricks over and over
again.
There was only one problem: The captain's
parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician
did every trick. Once he understood he started
shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat" "Look,
he is hiding the flowers under the table" "Hey, why are all the cards
the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?""
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
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Dear Donner, |
Dear Liam,
Have you met my grandmother? She's 81 years old and meaner than anyone I've ever met before. She had knee surgery a few years back and suffers from arthritis now so you can escape from her if need be.
You, however, want to invent a time machine and face this woman in her prime? That's a good way to get a rolling pin shoved up your ass.
Love,
Donner
To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.
RIP BART ALLEN
I'm usually not one to baulk in the face of change particularly when it comes in the pages of the comic books I know and love too well. You see, ladies and gents, I am a DC man and for a while, DC seemed to be all about change.
The guy who was Green Lantern went crazy, killed a bunch of people, and turned into a bad guy and a new guy was chosen to be the last Green Lantern. Green Arrow got blowed up and his son took over the role. A 4th tier superhero named Hourman died and was replaced by an android from the 853rd century with his DNA. Back in the 80's, the Flash ran himself to death saving the whole universe and his nephew took over for him.
And you know, it was great. During this time, the DCU took on a new form... it wasn't just a universe of heroes it was a universe of legacies. The new Green Lantern struggled with his place in the old Green Lantern's shadow... the Flash saw his role as a family business... Green Arrow saw it as getting to know the father he never knew.
And then, as with a lot of things these days, a few unimaginative people came along with the idea that they could capture a lot of new readers by bringing back old and obsolete characters. The old Green Lantern came back from the dead, the old Hourman came back from the dead, and the old Green Arrow came back from the dead.
Granted, I understand that things like this happen in comics. You're blown up one minute and the next you're not only back, but you're twenty years younger.
Wish I lived in the comics.
Anyway,
where is this taking us? To the poor sad story of Bart Allen.
Who the fuck is Bart Allen, you ask? Don't feel bad for not knowing who he is... chances are, he probably didn't know who you are either.
Bart Allen was the original Flash's grandson and he was called Impulse. Long story short: when he was first introduced he was a super-speedy preteen with ADD. The character was hilarious and lighthearted and graced the pages of his own book and the team book Young Justice, Impulse was.... well... an impulsive character who literally acted faster than he could think. It was great.
A couple of years back, though, the decision was made to make Bart a little more serious... and by that I mean surgically extracting all of the fun out of the character. He was shot in the kneecaps by a bad guy and had to go through a painful operation. After that, he read every book in the library, became super-smart, and took on the role of Kid Flash.
Still
a teenager, but now he was more focused. No more acting before
thinking, no more funny thought balloons as his mind wandered... no more
big hair. Fuckin' Kid Flash.
So this tragedy continues for a couple of years. Impulse the screwball is gone, but at least Bart is still around. I'll say it again, I'm not someone to flinch when something changes. I may grumble a bit, but I won't bitch endlessly about it. I'll admit too, it was rather interesting to see Bart grow up. I would have liked to have seen the kid keep a sense of humor, but hey... it's all good. We've got to grow up sometime, right? It's an ongoing thing.
And then came the woefully plotted and horribly written Infinite Crisis (hey, someone has to say it) in which Bart is aged five years instantly (don't ask) and eventually takes up the mantle of the Flash when the previous Flash disappears. Bart even got a new book called Flash: The Fastest Man Alive.
It was shit. Complete and utter shit.
I'm not talking about the change here, I'm talking about the writing of the book. It was awful. The story was terrible, the dialogue was unreadable, and the art was pitiful. Bart was unrecognizable... now a whiney, cowardly man of 20.
Well, I got the word a few weeks ago and picked up issue #13 of The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive and, sure enough, rather than using their imagination to fix the mess that they made, the writers and editors of this affront just up and killed the kid off and, if you ask me... it was cruel. I felt sorry for the kid. He doesn't go out re-igniting the sun, blowing up a nuclear warhead, or fighting a giant monster... he gets stripped of his powers and then gets beaten to death.
I suppose you can see that as an analogy for what happened to this great character over the last five years.
And then, to add insult to injury... the previous Flash (the one who disappeared) returns in an issue of Justice League of America the very same month.
Guess who's getting his own book now.
We were told back before Infinite Crisis that the DCU would be a darker place after it. If by darker they mean no more joyous and fun characters, then they are pretty much hitting the nail on the head.
RIP Bart "Impulse" Allen. May they recon you back into existence soon.
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! Blue Wizard teams up with... Blue Fairy!? |
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FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP Transformers |
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THE ARCADE Eight new and exciting games for you to veg out to! |
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DONNER'S MOVIE REVIEWS Transformers and Ratatouille! |
Thank you for playing.
Monday July 9, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
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Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. So they plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-old says he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS.
Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. And when their mother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll have some Fruit Loops."
Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on his chair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-old and says, "What are you going to have?"
He replies, "I don't know, but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops.""
QUICK JOKE II
A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went
though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher
and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an
airplane.
The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. "So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"
Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."
"So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?´ I said, `No, sir. I´m too scared.´ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat! He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your ass.´"
"So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little, at first."
QUICK JOKE III
A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine
finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit.
So the marinesays to him: hey, in the
marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
The sailor says: yeah well, in the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
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Dear Donner, |
Dear Monica,
You insult me. explain something simple that doesn't need explaining, and then tell me that you want something?
Where did you and my wife meet?
Love,
Donner
To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.
RIP TAMMY FAYE
I'm not a huge fan of religion and I think that televangelists are pretty much the lowest of the low, but I just wanted to say something about Tammy Faye who passed away earlier this week. I didn't really give the little lady much thought until I saw her on The Surreal Life on VH-1. Before she was simply the make-up wearing wife of that bastard Jim Baker, but on the show she was someone who became best friends with a porn star despite the fact that she didn't like porn and who told a whiney and thuggish Vanilla Ice that he had to accept the person he was before he could become someone new.
Tammy Faye was one of the few (very few) religious leaders who opening accepted homosexuals into the church and made them feel welcome. In addition to that, she was very gracious and had a marvelous sense of humor.
In my opinion, her attitude of loving everyone unconditionally regardless of whether you are promiscuous, homosexual, or even Vanilla Ice is laudable and if more Christian leaders would proactive what Tammy Faye did, this would would be a brighter place.
Thanks, Tammy.
THE LIFE THAT IS MINE
So, you're probably wondering what happened to me last week. I was lazy. Mystery over.
There's been some pretty exciting stuff happen over the last couple of weeks, though, seriously. First and foremost... I finally got a Nintendo Wii and it's probably the greatest damn video game console of all time if we're measuring in pure fun. I even got my wife to play me in Wii Bowling and this woman never play's video games. If you're saving up for a PS3... fuck you and go buy a Wii or at least an XBox 360 so you can have a little goddamned dignity.
Secondly, the move to Alaska is back on. This has been a topic of some - shall we say - consternation since I've gotten married. I won't go into the details, but for a while we were going to move there which has been a dream of mine for a long time, then the wife changed her mind, then it was back on, then not finally after a very tense couple of weeks it's back on again. We'll head up there around 2012 if all goes well.
Finally, the biggest news of all of them... Amy and I have decided to take the next step in our family and officially begin adoption procedures so that we can have a little bambino sometime next year (if all goes well).
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DONNER'S MOVIE REVIEWS Harry Potter and 1408! |
I'm off to go play with my Wii! Perhaps I will play with that new game system I got after I'm done.
Monday July 30, 2007
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QUICK JOKE
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A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde
woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class
section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that
she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm
staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the
flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that
there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her
proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to
move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm
going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have
the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The
pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I
speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and
she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her
to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
QUICK JOKE II
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked
how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:
"I am placed in the door and told when to jump"
"My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go"
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack"."
QUICK JOKE III
An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a
train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know
that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you
actually ever tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd
occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion,
too... I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...."
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have
succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the
newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
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Dear Donner, |
Dear Bre,
Your love of me is noted and filed. I will think of you next Tuesday when I plan to pleasure myself, but to be completely honest you will probably look a lot like Kate Bekinsale in the proposed fantasy.
You may send me pictures, but it will not likely change anything.
Love,
Donner
To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.
STUMBLEUPON
I was going to use the blog this week to talk about my thirteen baby hamsters and how goddamned adorable each and every one of the bite-sized vermin are. That's right, I am going to have to turn a blog that was going to be so cute I was going to make each and everyone of you throw up skittles and shit rainbows because something else has come to my attention.
You ever hear of this thing called Stumble Upon? It's great. I ain't knocking the service one bit. You want to waste time doing nothing while scratching your nuts when you should be doing work, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to you. I have killed more otherwise useful minutes just hitting that stumble upon button. I loves it.
What's great is when you are stumbling around the web and you actually stumble on your own site. You click on the icon up top and read what other people say about your site. Sometimes there are some fuckasses out there, but a lot of the comments are gracious and kind.
Well, I found out that the main page of slightlywarped.com wasn't in the stumbleupon network so I did what any good website guy would do and put it in there. Fifteen people have come by and said they liked it and you would think that would be a good thing.
Well, a few days ago, this smarmy little butthole comes by and writes a review. Now, keep in mind although this page is liked by fifteen people not one of them has written a review of it. This cheeky little asspipe comes along and write this review. Here it is word for word:
Not so much "slightly warped" as "poorly designed", or "derivative" and "unfunny".
So, to rightshu, I say this:
You write reviews in a way that makes
slugs and other invertebrates look like Nobel Prize winners. Your
ineffective imitation of good writing style only serves to illuminate
your lack of humor.
Thanks for your contribution, but if I had wanted to hear from somebody
with your IQ, I'd be at my local supermarket talking to the vegetables.
If you're going to say something that ignorant, you could at least fake
a stroke.
When god was handing out personalities, you must have been holding the
door. You're so boring, even a boomerang wouldn't come back to you. I
bet you thought it was just coincidence that your parents had the same
surnames before they married? Maybe you wouldn't read like such a
pathetic loser if you'd had enough oxygen at birth; if your weren't so
fat that you look like The Michelin Man man on steroids, or if you
didn't have a face so ugly that even your mother didn't know which end
to put the diaper on. No, come to think of it, you would.
I don't know what makes you such a worthless person, but it really
works! Is your review a conclusion or simply the place where you got
tired of thinking? I suggest you need Mark Twain's advice; "It is better
to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
You have the warm personal charm of a millipede and about as much class
as a bucket of mucous lodged on top of a dumpster in a Blue Light
district of New Jersey. Maybe you wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if
you weren't intellectually slower than a herd of turtles stampeding
through a vat of chunky peanut butter; if your weren't so fat from all
that cheap beer you spend your Welfare payments on that your belly
jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine, or if you didn't have
a face that makes your pillow cry itself to sleep every night. Nah, of
course you would.
In closing, I suggest that the next time you have a thought why don't
you fucking keep it to yourself?
There, I feel better. Think I'll go feed those hamsters to a snake.