February 23, 2009

QUICK JOKE #1

Four nuns are going up to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates and says:

"I have to ask you all something: have you ever touched a man's penis"?

The first nun replies: "Only once, and just with the tip of my finger".

St. Peter replies: "Very well then. Dip your finger in the holy water and go on into heaven".

He asks the second nun the same question, and she replies:

"Just once....with.. um... the palm of my hand".

"Wash your hand in the holy water and go on into heaven".

Just then the fourth nun barges in front of the third nun.

"Please wait your turn" says St. Peter.

The fourth nun angrily replies:

"I am not gargling with that water if she has to put her ass in it!'

QUICK JOKE #2

A man goes to the doctor with a sore arm.

Doc says: "I haven't got time to see you, just put a urine sample in the machine in the hall".

The man does so, and the machine prints out the following:

"You have tennis elbow, bathe your arm in warm salty water and avoid strenuous exercise".

Intrigued the man decides to put the machine to the test. So he goes home and gets urine samples from his wife and daughter, adds a dog turd and then masturbates into the mixture for good measure. He returns to the doctors and puts the mixture in the machine. The machine whirls and clicks and then prints out the following:

"Your dog has worms, take it to the vet

Your daughter is using cocaine, get her into rehab'

Your wife is pregnant. It's twins. They aren't yours. Find a good divorce lawyer.

And if you don't stop masturbating your tennis elbow will never get better."

QUICK JOKE #3

Earl was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?"

Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300."

My goodness that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed.

Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Earl had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

Mary replied, "No, but I'll suck your dick for the teapot."

GOT JOKE?

Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week?  Visit The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty, or most evil joke.  Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here for all the world to see!

Dear Chris,

Dear God, what is she doing there!?

Love,
Donner

Dear Jelly,

I am disgusted with you.  You take advantage of a visually impared teacher to screw around in her class?  There's a special place in the bowels of hell for you and your accomplices where you will burn, do you hear me?

Love,
Donner

To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.  For God's sake, write like an intelligent human being and spell out the word "you." because shortening it to "u" makes you look like a fucking dipshit.

POPPED COLLARS

I may be a little late addressing this, but I figure what the hell, I got nothing else to talk about.

Why are we popping our collars nowadays?  The low-riding pants I can deal with, the man-bracelets I can deal with, hell... I even tolerate the stupid looking faux-hawks that I've been seeing guys wear, but the popped collars?  I don't get it.  Is this supposed to be cool because, short of wearing a T-shirt with the words "I am a douche" embroidered on it, there's nothing else that screams "I am a douche" any louder.  Seriously, it's embarrassing for you.

Let me explain to you why I think you should all be embarrassed, ashamed, and sterilized: you know the guys who wear their pants low on their waist and show off their boxer shorts?  You may not know this, but that style originated in prisons.  Given that there is a large portion of our population who wants to emulate the "thug life" and, given that hip hop artists and rappers started wearing their pants like that, it became a style.

But do you know that low-riding pants actually mean in prison?  Do you know what is represents?  It's a signal that says, "I'm a bitch and I take it up the ass."

Seriously!  Millions of Thug-Lites are out there unknowingly advertising their willingness to take a hot cock up the butt.  Ain't that funny?

Why do I bring this up?  Because I would rather wear low-riding pants and advertise my willingness to have someone shove a veiny rod in my behind than wear a popped collar.  That's how fucking gay it looks.

So help me God, if I knew who started this retarded fashion trend, I would kill him with a weedwacker.

 February 18, 2009

AMERICAN IDOL BLOG: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Jackie Tone-Deaf – A Little Less Conversation

I thought she was doing pretty good until the song sped up and then the entire conversation started to sound a little like Janis Joplin in an industrial dryer. Near the end, Jackie began to over sing the song and turn self-indulgent and a little pathetic. Very strange, not a good start. I do like her personality, though, and that counts for something at least.

Dicky Braddy – A Song for You

Ricky was the polar opposite of Jackie in that he had an incredible and damn-near perfect vocal performance, but as far as personality goes, he’s lacking a bit and needs to work on that. Personality counts, just ask Taylor Hicks. Still, he’s my favorite of the night so far.

Alexis Graceless - The Way I Love You

Honey, honey, honey… if you’re going to sing soul, please check first and make sure you have one. This was pretty bad… like listening to a 13 year-old girl try and sing something substantial with that barely-breaking voice of puberty. Now that I’ve heard the judges reaction, I’m stunned that they fell all over her. She must have sounded different live, either that or they were watching another channel.

Brent Grief - Hick Town

He’s got a pretty good voice despite the fact that I completely hated the song he chose, but I have the awful feeling that he’s a one-trick pony and the second they start doing theme nights, he’s going to fall apart and go down in flames. He seems kind of fake too and that bothers me. I also hate guys named Brent and country singers with the last name of Keith.

Stevie Wrong – You Belong to Me

Everyone wave at Stevie. She’s going bye-bye. A terrible, shaky performance where the only winner was nerves and the sellers of aspirin and ear plugs. That warm wind you felt during this song was her blowing her chances.

Anoop Doggie Dog Desai - Angel of Mine

I enjoyed this guy’s performance in that it was genuinely good and, secondly, I would love to see a brown guy win American Idol just to see Middle America explode. My only qualm is that it was a little unoriginal and I’m wondering when his eyebrows will spin cocoons and transforms into butterflies.

Casey Carlson - Magic

Why the hell is this broad jiggling to this song? Not only did this chick suck ass, but she feltched all of the shit out of it as well. This hurt… physically hurt… and now I want to hurt her. At least Stevie can take heart in the fact that she’s not the worst on the show anymore.

Michael Sharter - I Don’t Wanna Be

I feel like I’ve just watched a drunken karaoke performance after midnight when I’ve got a headache. This song was wrong for Mike, it was out of his element, and it was just painful to watch and listen to. A complete mess.

Anne Marie Voscabitch - Natural Woman

This sounded like a song I would hear in the background of a douche commercial. This was weird, boring, and plain. I didn’t like it, but I’m not experiencing the white-hot hared I’ve felt towards some of the contestants, but this is still pretty bad.

Stephen Foul - Rock with Me

I think that this sounds like the intro to a 1970’s blacksploitation movie. My wife said it sounded like a drunk guy doing karaoke on a cruise ship. Both of us agree… it sucked.

Tatiana Smell Toro - Saving All My Love for You

As much as I can’t stand this dame, I’ve got to say that I think she did decently. She didn’t hit a home run, but it was a comfortable double and that’s way more than the other pathetic chicks on this show managed to do.

Danny Offkey – Hero

I’m going to call it right here: I can see this guy winning it. Although he had one or two rough patches, this was a hell of a tough song to sing – damn tough if you’re a guy and he nailed it. Best of the night.

Best of the Night: Danny

Worst of the Night: Casey

Who will survive: Danny, Ricky, and Tatiana

February 9, 2009

QUICK JOKE #1

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round in the break room. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week"?

The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early at 6:30 am.

He figured the early Tee-Time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes but said this would be okay.

She smiled and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30 and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed!

Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week. She smiled and said "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45".

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbor a burning desire to beat her!

In the third week they all had their game faces on. But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life to beat her.. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally she showed up.

This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play; it was hard to keep a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out!

Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed"?

The lady blushed and grinned. She said, "That's easy. When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth".

Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his "you-know-what" was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed and if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointed straight up in the air"?

She said, "Then I'm fifteen minutes late"

QUICK JOKE #2

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, all to no avail.

The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell
out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch- hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a
ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the
reply. "And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?"
"What? Get the hell out of my cab!"

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "OK," and off
they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

QUICK JOKE #3

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair. I made love to two 21 year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.”

The priest said: “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”

“Never Father, I’m Jewish.”

“So then, why are you telling me?”

“Are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”

GOT JOKE?

Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week?  Visit The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty, or most evil joke.  Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here for all the world to see!

Never have I gotten more e-mails than I did when I announced that I was quitting the teaching profession.  Read on.

Dear SaBela,

Wait... what!?

Love,
Donner

Dear Devon,

Thanks for your suggestion, but based on my possible familial ties to terrorist organizations, my place on government watch-lists, and my love for blowing shit up, I probably wouldn't be a good choice to work in an airport.

Love,
Donner

Dear Anonymous,

There you go, saying you'll hire me in a job that will make me happy and then you go all being anonymous and everything.  Dick!

Love,
Donner

To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.  For God's sake, write like an intelligent human being and spell out the word "you." because shortening it to "u" makes you look like a fucking dipshit.

AND NOW FOR A GREEN TIP...

I've been making great strides to live a greener lifestyle over the last few years - recycling more, using more efficient energy settings, supporting companies and politicians who support clean renewable energy and opposing those who support the short-sighted "drill, baby, drill" bullshit.  Hell, I even traded a convertible Mustang for a Toyota Prius and if that's not the definition of sacrifice, I don't know what is.

The wife and I have even been trying to live healthier by growing our own vegetables and fruit - which will also come in handy for the inevitable zombie apocalypse - but, given that Texas is an infertile shithole in which anything that does manage to make its way out of the cursed earth ends up destroyed by the sun, this is a challenge.

But we've found a way - much by accident.

We have a rabbit.  We named him Mufasa because he's a Lion's Head rabbit, but lately I've been calling him, That Fucking Dick in the Cage because he likes to attack fingers - yes, attack.  That Fucking Dick in the Cage gets to run around the house and have fun, but at night we cage the little beast so that he can pee and poop his little fuzzy heart out as that seems to be the only thing the little fucker is good at... that and chewing up wires and fish bubblers.

As That Fucking Dick in the Cage produces a lot of pee and poop, we have to clean him up quite regularly and, since we have a compost pile in the backyard, I starting throwing his shavings in there, more out of laziness than out of any real thinking.

This is when the amazing thing happened.

A jackolantern we threw out there after Halloween had long-since rotted away, leaving behind some seeds which suddenly and without warning took root and created a massive pumpkin vine that, over time, produced three gargantuan pumpkins.  Flowers from plants that had died reappeared and grew like weeds - the compost pile exploded with life.

As I've said over and over again, I'm no great thinker nor scientific genius and had no idea that rabbit leavings were such amazing fertilizer.  Upon closer inspection the following fall when all of the new plants had died, I made the astonishing discovery that not a sing plant had rooted into the ground - they had wormed and snaked their way through the compost and pine shaving.  My rabbit had produced a growing medium better than that nature had.

This was a year ago.  Now that the period that is laughably called a Texas winter is over with, I have filled all of our pots up with a mixture of Texas dirt and pine shavings pooped and peed on by That Fucking Dick in the Cage.  If all goes well, all of my crop from flowers to veggies and fruits will be growing thanks to that nasty rodent I've been glaring at for the past year.

I may have to change its name to That Fucking Dick in the Cage Who Shits Gold.

SAD NEWS

Those of you familiar with my YouTube channel have no doubt seen the videos of my pet frog Audrey and her... uh... encounters with small rodents.  In a way, before I moved to the new channel, she was a star of youtube.

Audrey died yesterday atop her favorite warm rock at the age of a year and a half.  She was buried under the compost pile where her spade toad cousins like to converge every spring.

I think she would have liked that.

I get a little broken up.  People say, "She was just a frog," but when you choose to share your life with anything, be it cat, rat, dog, or frog, they take a little piece with you when they depart this earth but rather than leave a hole, they put a little piece of themselves in you.

So, yeah, I'm broken up over my dead frog.  Sympathize or fuck off.

February 9, 2009

QUICK JOKE #1

A guy attending a wedding asks the person sitting next to him, “Hey, have you noticed how horrible-looking the bride is? Man, she's ugly!”

“You jackass. That's my daughter you're talking about!” the person responds.

“Oops! I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know you we're the father.”

“I'm not, you stupid idiot. I'm the mother!”

QUICK JOKE #2

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. And, though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last three decades. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their car crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes, freshly pressed, in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now." The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What are the green fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day - any starting time you wish."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages and a fountain of champagne. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the couple. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy." The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!" The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your fucking fat-free bran muffins. We could have been here twenty years ago you bitch!"

QUICK JOKE #3

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming!" and I smiled.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to grin.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,
"Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it."

The judge slams his mallet down case dismissed

GOT JOKE?

Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week?  Visit The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty, or most evil joke.  Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here for all the world to see!

Dear Monica,

Yeah, I really liked it.

Love,
Donner

Dear Robyn,

You're reading it from the very beginning?  For Christ's sake, child, have you no productive hobbies?

Love,
Donner

To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.  For God's sake, write like an intelligent human being and spell out the word "you." because shortening it to "u" makes you look like a fucking dipshit.

...AND I'M OUT

I'm not exactly sure when, whether if it will be at the end of this year or the next, but I have made my decision and I've decided to leave the education field.  My heart just isn't in it anymore.

I think that, if I had stayed at the inner city school I used to work at, my attitude would probably be somewhat different, but now I feel like I've become that burned-out teacher who just doesn't care as much as he should anymore and I swore from the very beginning that if I ever became that teacher, I would pack up and find another vocation.

I now stand at that moment and I'm facing it with a mixture of relief and optimism and pale head on raging fear.

I have decided that my next job will be something that I enjoy doing and not something convenient as was the case with becoming an educator.  I would like to get into radio again, but I'm not sure exactly how many people I would have to blow before that happened.  There's one particular company I would like to work with, but I'm sure it's difficult as hell to get a job there too... which is why I'm not sure if I will be leaving by the end of this year or the next.

Why am I leaving the field, you ask?  I'm burned out -- this job isn't about educating anymore, it's about creating testers for bullshit state tests that are created by politicians.  I've been working at a school that's in a better neighborhood than the last one and, as such, I'm being mobbed by parents who think their kids are perfect angels and by kids who think that the world owes them a favor.  The administration here is a joke as well, run mainly by the tried and true Texas "good old boy" system where, if you're a friend of the superintendent, you get a bullshit job where you don't have to understand what teachers are doing to tell them they're doing a bad job.

I'm just tired.  I'm tired of all of it.   Since I left radio five years ago, I feel like I've been searching for myself and never found what I'm looking for.  It's made me depressed, it's made me a terrible husband at times, and it's time to stop looking for myself here and move to something new.

The wife is freaking out, but I think we'll be okay.  I'm not going to take a job that pays chicken feed, but rather it will have to at least match my current salary, but given that teachers are pretty much paid squat anyway, I don't think that will be a long search.

So, anyone in the DFW area want to hire me?

February 2, 2009

QUICK JOKE #1

One Saturday afternoon, a guy was sitting in his lawn chair, drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at him, "You should be hung!"

The guy took a drink of his beer, lifted his sunglasses, and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and calmly replied: "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

QUICK JOKE #2

A man joins a Tibetan temple. He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year.

After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says, “More blankets.”

Another year passes, and he visits the head monk and says, “More food.”

The man goes through one more year eating good meals and sleeping well, but he’s drained by the long work days. He calls on the head monk and uses his two words to say, “I’m leaving.”

“Good,” the head monk replies. “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here.”

QUICK JOKE #3

A woman goes shoe-shopping one day. As the salesman is helping her try on shoes he notices she is not wearing panties. He looks at the woman and says, “Man, I’d love to fill that with ice cream and eat it!”

The woman slaps the man and runs home to tell her husband. The husband acts disinterested and his wife gets angry and asks, “Aren’t you going to do anything!?”

The husband replies, “First of all, you have too many shoes as it is. Second, you shouldn’t be out shopping without panties. And third of all, I’m not going to fuck with anybody who can eat that much ice cream!”

GOT JOKE?

Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week?  Visit The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty, or most evil joke.  Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here for all the world to see!

Dear Tristan,

I have seen this Angry Video Game Nerd you speak of and he amuses me.  I was actually a fan of his back when he was on youtube and was known as The Angry Nintendo Nerd.  Funny guy.  He stole his entire bit from me.  True story.

Love,
Donner

To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly.  For God's sake, write like an intelligent human being and spell out the word "you." because shortening it to "u" makes you look like a fucking dipshit.

PRESS YOUR LUCK

I was thinking the other day as I'm prone to do every now and then and you know what I figured out?  The best game show of all time is Press Your Luck.  It took a few hours before I verified my findings with myself, but it's true.  Press Your Luck is the greatest game show in the history of the entire known universe.

Do you want to know why I love this game so much? One reason: it punished greed! The Whammy was karma incarnate and if you fucked with the Whammy, it was going to take everything you had.

How perfect is this?  Today, we have shows that reward back-stabbing, double-dealing, and lying and it's called "entertainment" when back in the 80's, someone got it right and decided that vices should be punished by little red crudely animated devils.

To those of you who have never heard of this game, let me break it down to you. First, you answer a series of questions and get "spins" on the "big board." The board was filled with all kinds of cash and prizes, but it was also filled with Whammies, little red guys with dollar signs on their chest like some perverted Superman. If you landed on one of these little bastards, all of your money and all of your prizes were taken away and exploded in a puff of smoke. Fuck you, contestant!

This is the thing, though, you could STOP spinning at any time and GIVE your spins to someone else. Those who chose not to do this and win just a little bit of extra money or perhaps that Pontiac Fierro (hey, it was the 80's!) ran the risk of loosing it all. Those that gave, kept what they had. Punish greed, reward giving.

With the kajillion dollar bailout of Wall Street and the shitty US automakers, I think we should get all of these CEOs who fucked us all and have them play a gigantic game of Press Your Luck with those multi-million dollar bonuses of theirs at stake. Give them spins and see how long it takes them to give rather than take. I would be willing to get the lives of a dozen orphans that they would spin and spin and spin as their dicks got harder and harder. The Whammy not a possibility, but an inevitability.

My only stipulation is that the Whammy would be played by Jason Statham and he would have a board with a nail in it.

Ratings gold, fuckers.  Ratings gold.

NEW STUFF
(Updated all week!)

NEW STUFF
(Updated all week!)

NEW STUFF
(Updated all week!)

NEW STUFF
(Updated all week!)