Monday October 10, 2005
QUICK JOKE
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to
have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a
very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It
will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you
book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very
slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand.
Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same
way.
"Hi there," says Steve," It looks as if you've just had the same
operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that
I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
QUICK JOKE II
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother
turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to
say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said,
"Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"
QUICK JOKE III
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child
and blurted out, "That`s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an
aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed
that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult
passengers. He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a
piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the shitty jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
RANDOM CRAP
First of all, even though I've been pretty good at keeping the other sections of slightlywarped.com up and running, I am quite aware that I have been ignoring the fuck out of my weekly blog or, as it has become since my move, my bi-weekly blog. But, let's face it... are you people really that damned interested in what I have to say? If you are then damn... you guys seriously need lives.
In case you're wondering, my wife and I survived Rita intact and, as a matter of fact, Rita completely missed us and all we got out of the entire ordeal was a sprinkle or two. That doesn't bother me, but what does are these assholes on the news that tell us that we're going to get hit by the third largest storm on record and then chastise everyone watching for emptying the grocery stores and gas stations thanks to the panic that the news caused when they incorrectly said the hurricane was going to hit us. Assholes!
Today is Columbus Day. Anyone think that it's weird that all of America shuts down to honor a day when, over five hundred years ago, a guy didn't sail to where he thought he was going to sail to and ended up discovering a land mass that already had people on it and which had been visited by the Vikings four hundred years before he even got there? And this jack off got his own holiday? I think I'm going to row over and discover Hawaii. Think they'll give me a holiday?
I'm still unemployed which is sad and a little embarrassing. On the up side though, I finally beat The Legend of Zelda: The Mask of Majora. You're up next Windwaker.
And, in case you give a crap, this month marks a full year of archived blogging for me!
Meh...
Anyway, between finally getting off my butt and writing my part of LOLA 6, Justice Squad, and getting my voice over business going (which, by the way will be located at http://www.anicevoice.com), I've got a full plate. So go away and quit bothering me.
THE UPDATES
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! |
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SERENITY! It's a sci-fi phenomenon that... bombed? Eh, the hype didn't give this movie any massive boost, but it got riffed by our photoshop psychos none the less! |
That's all. Bye-bye.
Monday October 21, 2005
QUICK JOKE
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of
the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some
four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He
returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long
time. We're gonna build a house."
QUICK JOKE II
Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in back.
Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had
the best meal ever. Good prices too."
Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the
restaurant?"
Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
Sam says, "How about rose?"
"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife.
"Rose. Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last
night?"
QUICK JOKE III
A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy
eating an ice cream.
The priest says, "How'd you like to fuck that?"
To which the lawyer replied, "Out of what?"
GOT JOKE?
Tired of the shitty jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit
The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the
brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty,
or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here
for all the world to see!
STUFF I'M WORKING ON...
Instead of my usual incoherent musings, I thought yous guys would like to hear about some of the stuff I'm working on for this website and beyond. First of all, the big news is that I am finally buckling down and getting my book written. I'm not going to give any details about it... all I will say is that it is a fantasy, it's aimed at younger readers, and its set in modern times. Hey, if I get it finished and no one wants to publish it, maybe I'll post it here so you can all tell me how badly it sucks.
Other than that, I've got a brand new section of slightlwarped.com waiting in the wings. Orginally, I had planned to start a sister site to house the movie reviews and photoshop contests, but I changed my mind and now in the next couple of weeks, The Crap Factory will open up at slightlywarped.com. What is The Crap Factory you ask? Well, that's where I'm going to put all of the crap that I usually reserve for the Rotten Tomatoes board. For example, two of The Crap Factory's inaugural exhibits will be a list of the twenty biggest bastards and bitches of the cartoon world.
Jesse and I are working on The Legion of Lame-Asses VI. We don't have a definite title yet, but we're leaning towards A Series of Unfortunate Events though I think Completely out of Ideas would probably work just as well.
Justice Squad is trucking along. One more episode and half of the season will be completed and development is well underway for the third serial from slightlywarped.com.
And that's it. DSL is finally available in my area and, as of next Wednesday I can finally kiss Netzero and their shitty ad-filled service that I'm paying for good-bye. When that happens, expect updates to the arcade.
And there's your look at what's happening in the world of slightlywarped.com. Hey, if ad revenues and sponsorship pick up, perhaps I can finally build the Slightly Warped theme park I've always wanted to build.
THE UPDATES
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JUSTICE SQUAD NEW EPISODE! |
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Doom Can you smell what the Monday Photoshop Contest is cooking? They're making funof the latest video game turned movie and they are being merciless!!! |
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Three New Reviews! After a period of inactivity, Donner's Movie Reviews are back with reviews of Serenity, The Brothers Grimm, and Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story! |
Hasta la pasta, baby.