The Slightly Warped Website

God said, 'Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to Him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that To him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....'

Adam said , 'What is a Hill?'

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On The other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a Cave?'

After God explained, He said, 'In the cave You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I Want you to Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do I do that?'

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez....'

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down Into the valley, Across the river, and Over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the Woman.

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

God, His patience Wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is it Now?'

And Adam said....

'What's a headache?'

QUICK JOKE #2

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.

"When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.

"The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

QUICK JOKE #3

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new."

"Yes, so what's your question?" the doc asks.

"Well, how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.

Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.

Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

GOT JOKE?

Tired of the stupid jokes I put up on this site every week? Visit The Forums at slightlywarped.com and log on to the brand new Joke Forum where you can share your best, cutest, most dirty, or most evil joke. Who knows, maybe your joke will end up on here for all the world to see!

Dear Donner,

I was just wondering, what is so dirty about the dirtiest ad you have ever seen?

~Madison

I assume you're referring to this ad featured on the Actual Ads page. How can I put this delicately... it's an ad for lube and the woman is sitting where a pole should be. Where did the pole go? That's how good the lube is.

To write Donner, ask him a question, or seriously piss him off, visit the message board, guestbook, or write to him directly. For God's sake, write like an intelligent human being and spell out the word "you." because shortening it to "u" makes you look like a fucking dipshit.

Thank the sweet and merciful forces of Scientology, the little woman and I are getting ready to head the fuck out of here for about two weeks and take a long deserved vacation as sort of a last hoorah before the adoption goes through and a celebration that Amy didn't have the C-word.

I'm really looking foreword to it. In the five years the two of us have been married, we've managed to get away together once and that was on a Carnival Cruise ship to Mexico. It sucked because, for one, we went to Mexico and for two we went on the Ecstasy which, as many of you remember, is the floating fiery ship of death.

This time, we're headed to Las Vegas to catch The Star Trek Experience before those knuckle-dragging uncle-fuckers at the Hilton shutter it. From there, it's off to Yosemite, then to San Francisco, then to Los Angeles, Tucson, and a few other stops. We're going to explore the tourist trap of Roswell, finally see that meteor crater that I didn't get to see last time I was in the area, and catch a movie at the Chinese Theater. It's going to be swell.

I may even be able to finally drop in on a few old friends of the site, so heads up to you all.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll do another update before we leave on Friday. I'm trying to add something everyday so hopefully, I'll leave you kids with something to do before I abscond.