FADE IN:
INT. THE JUSTICE SQUAD WATCHTOWER
ULTRAWOMAN, CAPEMAN and DONNER are walking down the hallway.
DONNER
All right, so that cadre of ninjas-for
hire has finally been taken down?
ULTRAWOMAN
Yes. And it took all of us to do it, too.
I swear, where do they find all those
people?
DONNER
And that swarm of giant robots?
CAPEMAN
Taken care of.
DONNER
And those swamp monsters?
ULTRAWOMAN
Gone. It's just been one threat after
another lately. Have any of us been able
to relax for even one second?
CAPEMAN
No. We haven't. And I can tell right now
the team is feeling stressed out because
of this and is probably on the verge of a
total breakdown.
ULTRAWOMAN
That's a very cheery thought, Capeman.
Have you ever heard of "The power of
positive thinking"?
CAPEMAN
Have you ever heard of "Murphy's Law"?
DONNER
Come on, the team can't be that on edge…
The three of them enter the war room, where they see LUNA
with both WOLFMAN and QUASAR in individual headlocks while
her legs are wrapped around THE COSMIC WEASEL'S neck,
throttling him. NIGHTFLYER is stumbling around with a
trashcan on his head with BLUE FAIRY trying to pull it off
him while THE COLOSSAL CHUNK and DEVOUR are growling at one
another. BIPPO is playing solitaire.
DONNER (CONT'D)
What the hell?
ULTRAWOMAN
Luna! Release Larry, Moe and Curly, would
you please?
Luna lets go of Quasar, Wolfman and Cos. Capeman walks over
to Nightflyer and yanks the trashcan off him.
CAPEMAN
Would you guys mind telling us what's
going on here?
BLUE FAIRY
Things were going fairly normal…
BIPPO
(Off-screen)
YAHTZEE!
BLUE FAIRY
As normal as expected, anyways. Then
Archie, Reggie and Jughead over there
made a crack about Luna's hair.
COSMIC WEASEL
(Gasping for air)
We thought she couldn't beat us all up.
WOLFMAN
(Also gasping for air)
We were wrong! So very wrong!
QUASAR
(Gasping for air as well)
At least Jesse was lucky enough to only
get choked by her legs.
Cosmic Weasel passes out.
QUASAR (CONT'D)
Never mind.
ULTRAWOMAN
Okay, everyone just settle down. Luna,
please tell Devour to leave Chunk alone.
Luna nods, whistles and Devour walks away from Chunk, but not
before holding up a paw and extending his middle claw towards
Chunk.
CHUNK
(Smiles)
Kitty say Chunk am number one!
ULTRAWWOMAN
Listen, I know all of you are feeling
fairly overworked and tired. So maybe
it's time we all took a break.
CAPEMAN
A vacation?
ULTRAWOMAN
Yes. We can all go relax and have some
fun and try to get away from this
madness. We'll call in Justice Squad
Europe and the reserves to keep an eye on
things while we're gone.
DONNER
Whoaaaaa no! Hold on! I am not paying for
the bunch of you to go to some tropical
vista just to bond!
LUNA
Ooh! I have an idea! You won't have to
pay! We'll all just go to Kirbylee! It's
a beautiful island, very relaxing…
COSMIC WEASEL
(Waking up)
Ignoring the evil wizard, barbarians,
lizard-men and dinosaur attacks of
course.
LUNA
Pfft! Kirbylee is generally a very
peaceful land. You just had the bad
timing of showing up when Nilrem was
trying to take over the world.
ULTRAWOMAN
Well, everyone? How does a vacation on
Kirbylee sound? All for it raise your
hands.
Everyone raises their hands.
ULTRAWOMAN (CONT'D)
Then it's settled and we're unanimous.
The Justice Squad is going to Kirbylee!
Go pack your things, gang. We'll be
leaving in a couple hours.
The group scatters.
CUT TO:
EXT. A KIRBYLEAN BEACH.
Nightflyer's jet, the Pride-Wing, touches down on the shore.
The ramp doors open and the team, all in their civvies, walk
out onto the beach. Chunk immediately plops down in the sand
with a small plastic bucket and shovel and starts scooping
sand together into a pile and starts shaping it into
something.
ULTRAWOMAN
Chunk? Are you going to stay here on the
beach?
Chunk nods and continues to play in the sand.
ULTRAWOMAN (CONT'D)
Well, if you want to find us, just call
us on the radio. All right?
Chunk nods again. Ultrawoman and the team look at one
another; shrug and head off into the jungle.
EXT. THE JUNGLE.
The team is wandering through the jungle, following Luna,
Devour and Jesse.
CAPEMAN
Man, I could have flown to Luna's village
by now if you guys hadn't insisted I join
in on this group hike!
NIGHTFLYER
I'd ask "are we there yet?" but I
wouldn't want to be annoying.
CAPEMAN
(Pauses)
Who are you and what have you done with
Nightflyer?
Nightflyer rolls his eyes and continues walking.
BLUE FAIRY
All joking aside, I've gotta say I'm
looking forward to seeing these
dinosaurs. It's good to have the chance
to see these things live and in their
natural habitat and not tearing up the
streets under the control of some mad
scientist.
DONNER
Jurassic-era dinosaurs on this island,
huh? That would make a great theme park,
if only I could come up with a good name
for it.
QUASAR
So what are we going to do once we get to
your village, Luna?
LUNA
Well, we can visit Jonathan and Kat, we
can visit my sister… pretty much just
kicking back and relaxing.
THAD
You have a sister?
(A pause)
Is she hot?
LUNA
Yes, Thad. I have a little sister. Nova.
But she's been spoken for, ever since she
hooked up with the Gorilla King.
THAD
Awww… Wait, "Gorilla King"?
JESSE
Don't ask.
LUNA
Ah yes, life in a quiet and peaceful
village. We're getting close! It should
be right past this patch of trees!
Luna brushes a couple branches away to only to drop her jaw
upon looking off-camera. The team catches up to her and sees
what she's looking at. We pan the camera around to see that
what used to be her village is now a busy town with stone
buildings and dirt roads. It's fairly reminiscent of Bedrock
from "The Flintstones". Domesticated dinosaurs wander through
the streets with Kirbyleans riding on their backs. Amazons,
Barbarians, Gorilla and Lizard people all walking on the same
streets. Luna and Devour are in utter shock.
JESSE
You know, call me crazy… But there's
something… different… about your village.
MUSICAL STING
FADE OUT:
--------------------------------------------------------------
Transmitido en Kirbylee en SAP!
--------------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN:
EXT. LUNA'S VILLAGE.
The Squad is walking through the bustling town. As the team
crosses the street, a Barbarian riding on a Triceratops stops
short of trampling some of the team members.
BLUE FAIRY
(To Triceratops & Barbarian)
HEY! I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!
There's a brief pause as he continues walking.
BLUE FAIRY (CONT'D)
Did I just yell that at a dinosaur?
LUNA
What the hell has happened here? Where
are the huts? Where are the fields? Why
are there more than Amazons here? Good
god, it's like the future without all the
neon!
JESSE
And why is there a little Amazon girl in
pauper attire selling newspapers on the
corner?
We see a LITTLE AMAZON GIRL (in pauper attire) selling
newspapers on the corner.
LITTLE AMAZON GIRL
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Mayor
passes law to give the Bird-People of
Hawkdor a designated pooping area in town
in order to keep the streets clean!
Extra! Extra!
LUNA
Mayor?
JESSE
Bird-People?
THAD
Poop?
Luna walks over to the Little Girl and grabs the newspaper
from out of her hands.
LITTLE AMAZON GIRL
Hey!
LUNA
Calm down.
(Reads paper)
Hmm… it says here this "Mayor" is holding
a press conference later today at the
City Hall. He must be the one responsible
for all this!
LITTLE AMAZON GIRL
Wait, aren't you Luna, one of the saviors of Kirbylee?
LUNA
(Smiles)
Why yes I am!
(To Jesse)
Isn't that so sweet? She recognizes me!
LITTLE AMAZON GIRL
I'd think you'd be famous enough now so
you could pay for that paper, bitch! This
ain't a library!
The Little Girl stomps on Luna's foot, grabs the paper and
runs off. Luna is hopping up and down on her good foot.
LUNA
Ow! That little mother… ARGH! Come on!
We're going to this "City Hall" to get to
the bottom of this!
Luna limps off screen as the team watches her. Jesse looks
off to the opposite side.
JESSE
Luna, baby? I think City Hall is in the
other direction.
LUNA
(Off-screen)
How do you know?
JESSE
The street signs say so.
Luna then walks past Jesse and the team in the other
direction. She's fuming.
INT. CITY HALL. THE LOBBY.
The doors burst open as Luna storms in. The team is following
behind her with mild amusement.
LUNA
I demand to speak with the Mayor
immediately!
Someone stands up from behind what looks to be a
receptionist's desk. It's FABIAN (From "Journey to the
Lost…").
FABIAN
Luna? Oh… my… god!
(Runs up to Luna)
It is SO good to see you!
Luna's expression changes and she smiles as her and Fabian
hug.
LUNA
You work here?
FABIAN
Well, the Mayor needs people to assist
him and his deputy Mayor. And who's
better for the job than me? I'm FABULOUS
at this!
QUASAR
(To Jesse)
Who's he?
JESSE
Only male to have been raised by the
Amazons.
QUASAR
Sounds about right…
FABIAN
And who are your friends? Ooh la la! Let
me tell you, we add a biker to this mix
and we've got that wonderful Village
People group I've heard so much about!
The guys look at one another with confused expressions.
LUNA
Fabian, what has happened to Kirbylee?
FABIAN
Oh, it's been phenomenal! The Mayor
worked out a deal with the military that
in exchange for building materials and
other stuff direct from man's world,
Kirbylee becomes a port or something in
case they have an emergency. That helped
to make Kirbylee into what it is now!
LUNA
He did WHAT???
JESSE
Oh, that can't be good…
LUNA
Where is this "Mayor"? I intend to hurt
him! BADLY!
FABIAN
He's in his office.
INT. THE MAYOR'S OFFICE
Luna kicks in the door and storms in. The Mayor's chair is
facing out the window at the rear of the office. The team
strides in after her.
LUNA
You! Face me now, villain! For you have
many things you have to answer for!
The chair spins around, revealing JONATHAN KRUEGER. He looks
pleasantly surprised to see the Squad. Luna, however… not so
much.
LUNA (CONT'D)
(Pissed)
You!
JESSE
(Surprised)
You!
JONATHAN
Hey! What are you guys doing back here?
LUNA
I'm going to KILL you!!!
Luna dives across Jonathan's desk. He leaps out of his chair
just as she slides across, off the desk and onto the floor.
She gets up and starts trying to chase Jonathan around the
desk.
JONATHAN
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Luna! Calm down! I bet
you're upset over the deal we worked out
with the military, right?
LUNA
"Upset" is putting it mildly!
JONATHAN
Listen, I know it sounds bad. But they
only show up in the case of an emergency,
which in one year, has only happened
once! So that's pretty good, right? And
the people on board the vessels are
ordered to stay on the shore and not
venture into the island. Kat and I then
rendezvous with them and help them with
what they need and send 'em on their way!
LUNA
And what about the stuff sent here from
man's world?
Luna tries circling the other way around the desk to grab
Jon, but to no avail. Meanwhile, in the background, Quasar
walks over to a cage on a table holding a monkey.
JONATHAN
(To Quasar)
Dude, leave Bleep alone. Trust me on
this.
(To Luna)
Okay, we order some amenities of normal
everyday life. Most of the stuff belongs
to Kat and me. But some other devices we
sell to the masses. We've started a
currency system here consisting of gold
coins made from Nilrem's old palace!
Donner shoves his way past Capeman and Ultrawoman.
DONNER
Gold, you say? Gimmegimmegimme!
ULTRAWOMAN
Down, boy! Down!
CAPEMAN
Too late! He's got the scent!
Capeman and Ultrawoman are holding Donner back.
JONATHAN
(Ignoring Donner)
All we've done is sold a jukebox to the
local tavern, a space heater to the
mountain people, a TV to the Gorilla
people…
LUNA
Oh my GOD! YOU GAVE A TV TO THE GORILLA
PEOPLE? I've seen what the FOX network
does to normal humans and you're letting
the Gorillas watch it???
In the background, Quasar opens the cage. Bleep immediately
jumps onto Quasar's head and starts humping it. Quasar is
running back and forth in the background, trying to pry him
off as Luna and Jonathan continue their conversation.
LUNA (CONT'D)
Wait… how are these devices even being
powered?
DR. KAT COMFORT walks in.
KAT
That would be because of my N.A.D.S.
The entire room goes dead silent as everyone stares at Kat.
Quasar then runs by, punching himself in the head repeatedly
to try and get Bleep off his head.
JESSE
Nuclear Assisting Devices, people! Minds
out of the gutter!
LUNA
Kat! Did you allow Jonathan to make all
these changes to my homeland?
KAT
Luna, all we've done is introduce
capitalism and made everyone in Kirbylee
equals. Haven't you noticed there's been
no pillaging or invading? No warring or
violence?
LUNA
(Getting misty)
But that used to be part of our charm!
Luna starts crying. Jesse holds her. Quasar runs by again
with Thad trying to pry Bleep off his head.
JESSE
(Holding Luna)
See what you guys did? What about you,
Kat? What have you been up to?
KAT
Well, while Jon was directing Kirbylee
towards the 20th century, I've been doing
research on Kirbylee's past! Incredibly
fascinating stuff.
JONATHAN
Yeah, she's become quite the aficionado
on Kirbylean history! She's like Lara
Croft… just with a bigger… IQ. She even
spent three months learning the old
Kirbylean language.
Luna stops crying and shoves Jesse away.
JESSE
Gah!
LUNA
(Impressed)
You learned the Kirbylean language?
(Speaking Kirbylean while
making odd hand gestures)
Prrrreee skermoo ladidadidadi makaferzu!
SUBTITLE: You look incredible! Have you done something with
your hair?
KAT
(Speaking Kirbylean while
making odd hand gestures as
well)
Bah weep graah na weep ninny-bahn!
SUBTITLE: Nothing much. Just conditioning. How's Jesse?
LUNA
Ecky ecky ecky pikang zoom boing!
SUBTITLE: It's okay. He may be stupid, but he buys me pretty
things.
KAT
Wokka wokka wokka palimoni yahoo google
altavista tito latoya jermaine
blblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl de niro pa
cino pesci robble robble robble!
SUBTITLE: Neat.
JONATHAN
(To Jesse)
Dude, they are so talking about how hot
we are!
JESSE
Damn straight!
They high-five. Quasar runs by again and then crashes out the
window falling outside.
ULTRAWOMAN
And on that note, I'm going to go explore
this island and go on my freakin'
vacation.
CAPEMAN
I hear that.
The squad walks off, leaving Jesse, Luna, Devour, Kat and
Jonathan.
JONATHAN
Funny you guys picked now to show up.
We're in the middle of an election right
now and about to head to the press
conference to field questions with the
other candidates. Wanna come along?
JESSE
Oh, sure.
LUNA
Damn right we will! I have to know who
the hell else is running in this wackass
election!
They head off as well. There's a brief shot of the empty
office before Quasar runs in, clutching Bleep in his hands.
Quasar shoves Bleep into the cage, slams it shut and then
collapses in a heap against the desk, panting heavily. Bleep
squeaks from in his cage, startling Quasar and sending him
running from the room screaming.
EXT. CITY HALL
There's a large crowd of Kirbyleans outside as Jon, Kat,
Jesse, Luna and Devour arrive.
LUNA
So where are these other candidates?
JONATHAN
They should be here about now…
KIRBYLEAN #1
Hey, look over there!
Everyone turns to see a wagon being pulled by a couple of
Gorilla people ride up to the crowd. Riding on top of the
wagon is THE GORILLA KING and NOVA. There's a banner on the
side of the wagon that reads "Gorilla King for Mayor '03"
with the "3" written backwards. The King and Nova greet
various residents and make their way through the crowd over
to our five-some.
GORILLA KING
Jesse! Luna! It is good to see the two of
you again!
LUNA
It is our pleasure to greet you again as
well, your highness. Nova, it is good to
see you.
NOVA
(Dismissively)
Yes, yes… good to see you as well.
(Happily)
Devour! C'mere, kitty!
Devour happily runs up to Nova and starts rubbing against her
legs. She starts patting him on the head. Nova and Devour
then start rolling on the ground together. Nova is rubbing
his stomach and Devour is purring ecstatically as we can
visibly see he's enjoying this.
NOVA (CONT'D)
(To Devour)
Who's my pretty little kitty? Who's my
pretty little kitty? Who likes his tummy
rubbed? Who likes his tummy rubbed?
Jesse looks at Luna.
JESSE
You never do that to me anymore.
LUNA
Oh, shut up! Hmph. He always liked her
best. Devour! Come here!
Devour rolls his eyes, looks visibly annoyed, and walks back
over to Luna.
NOVA
Excuse me! But I haven't seen Devour in a
year since you brought him with you to
man's world! So I'd like to be able to
spend some time with my cat!
LUNA
Your cat? I was the one that always had
to clean out his litter box!
NOVA
Do you still have to clean litter boxes
in man's world?
JESSE
Nah. She makes me do it.
LUNA
(To Jesse)
Shut up!
(To Nova)
Nova, I don't understand why you're being
so hostile to me.
NOVA
Why? Because the one person that could
have stopped all these changes Jonathan
made to our land, abandoned us to go live
in the lap of luxury in man's world!
LUNA
"Lap of luxury"? I am not living in the
"lap of luxury"! Jesse? Am I living in
the "lap of luxury"?
JESSE
Ummm…
CUT TO:
INT. JESSE'S APARTMENT. THE BATHROOM.
Jesse is shaving by the mirror and sink. There's singing from
off-screen. Jesse slowly turns to the side, where we see Luna
in a massive bubble bath with a wireless radio headset on her
head. She's also eating a large slice of pizza with all the
toppings on it.
LUNA
(Singing along with radio)
Wherever, whenever… we're meant to be
together!
(Takes a big bite of the pizza,
continuing to sing with her
mouth full)
M'll be hea and yull be nea, mnd at's the
way itis muh dea!
A piece of pepperoni falls off the pizza into the tub.
LUNA (CONT'D)
Oops!
Luna reaches down and brings the piece back up and eats it.
Jesse looks rather incredulous at this.
CUT TO:
EXT. CITY HALL.
JESSE
…Nahhh!
NOVA
Irrelevant! You have abandoned us for the
outside world while Jonathan has sold us
out to the military for money and
trinkets.
JONATHAN
Big picture, Nova! We're uniting the
people and giving them all a voice!
GORILLA KING
Well, Nova and I believe it was better
off with the old ways… where everyone
left everyone the hell alone! Where the
species were segregated!
LUNA
That's insane! I don't like what Jonathan
has done, but I've seen what segregation
has done to cultures in America! That's
even worse!
(To Jon)
Jonathan, I find you remarkably insipid,
but since you're at least working for the
greater good of Kirbylee… I will support
you during the election.
JONATHAN
Thanks… I think.
JESSE
Hey, not to go off on a tangent or
something, but shouldn't this press
conference have started by now?
JONATHAN
Oh, yeah. Um, we're still waiting for the
third and final candidate to arrive. Hey,
Luna… why don't you get us some soda and
pretzels from the vendor… in the next
town?
Jonathan starts trying to shoo Luna off. Luna shoves Jon
away.
LUNA
What? No! I'm staying right here! I mean,
as bad as this election looks, I doubt
there can be anyone worse than you guys
for the position of Mayor.
POOF! A massive cloud of smoke appears nearby and as the dust
clears, we see NILREM standing there, wearing a sharp
business suit. He's got on a button that reads "Nilrem in '03
and for all time". There's someone standing next to him, a
decomposing zombie with some of his bones fairly visible
through his rotting skin.
NILREM
Hello, everybody!
CROWD
Hi, Nilrem!!!
Luna's jaw drops.
FADE OUT:
-----------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Coming soon… Steve Irwin, The Crocodile
Hunter takes a trip to Kirbylee to
explore rare and endangered species!
We see Steve with Devour.
STEVE IRWIN
(To camera)
Crikey! I'm here with a live Kirbylean
Saber-toothed Tiger! Look at this lovely
fella and his beautiful green fur!
Devour smiles and sits up.
STEVE IRWIN (CONT'D)
So right now, what I'm about to do is I'm
going to stick my head in this tiger's
mouth… Just to see what happens!!!
DEVOUR
(Raises an eyebrow)
Aroooo?
Steve opens Devour's mouth and shoves his head all the way in
a completely confused, flailing (and practically choking)
Devour. Steve then pulls his head out almost immediately.
STEVE IRWIN
Gorgeous!
Devour looks entirely pissed, pounces on Steve and starts
mauling him.
STEVE IRWIN (CONT'D)
Crikey! I think he's eviscerating me!
Wow! Would you look at those claws!!!
AIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!
"The Crocodile Hunter" in Kirbylee! Right after a special
episode of "Cribs" with millionaire Jason Donner!
The camera heads up to the door of Donner's mansion. The door
opens and Donner comes out with a shotgun.
DONNER
(Cocks shotgun)
Keep on walking!
The camera hurries away.
--------------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN:
EXT. CITY HALL.
Jonathan and Jesse are trying to hold Luna back from trying
to attack Nilrem. The Kirbylean press is watching intently.
LUNA
Nilrem! You evil bastard! It's bad enough
that you're alive, but what's your agenda
here?
NILREM
Agenda? My sweet Luna… I'm running for
Mayor so I can lead the people of this
good land by their wills!
JESSE
And when exactly did the Kirbyleans
forget that you're EVIL?
NILREM
Why I've reformed!
GORILLA KING
It's true! He used his magicks to help
with the harvest, and save a small group
of children from an avalanche!
JONATHAN
Blah blah blah. Sorry, but a Kirbylean
tiger can't change its stripes and an
evil immortal wizard can't become good
overnight!
A KIRBYLEAN REPORTER, (Basically a lizard man with a notepad
and a pen) walks up to the group.
KIRBYLEAN REPORTER #1
Nilrem! Is it true you've finally
selected a running mate?
NILREM
Yes. And I'd like to introduce him.
Everyone, this is Earl.
The zombie from a short while ago walks up. This is EARL.
EARL
Hey, man. 'Sup?
JONATHAN
Oddly enough, Earl is much livelier than
Al Gore.
JESSE
And more human than Dick Cheney!
Another Kirbylean Reporter (This time a Barbarian) walks up.
KIRBYLEAN REPORTER #2
Nilrem, what exactly will your stance be
on our burgeoning economy?
NILREM
I intend to posit a new flat tax that
will help pay for roads between villages
and pay for a path of lanterns for travel
within the Dark Swamp, so that it becomes
safe for Amazons and Barbarians alike to
travel within that wretched cesspool.
The crowd applauds for Nilrem.
NILREM (CONT'D)
Because if I'm elected, we will make our
island safe for man, woman, creature and
child alike… because like our slogan
says…
(Crowd joins in chanting with
Nilrem)
"Nilrem is GOOD!"
JESSE
"Nilrem is good"? What kind of goofy
campaign slogan is that?
JONATHAN
It's not that goofy. Last year when I
ran, my slogan was "Fire bad, tree
pretty".
Another Kirbylean Reporter (an Amazon) stands up.
KIRBYLEAN REPORTER #3
Jonathan, is it true that your former
teammates from The Justice Squad are here
for nothing more than a publicity stunt
to help you in the polls that have you
and the Gorilla King trailing far behind
Nilrem?
JONATHAN
The Justice Squad is here on vacation.
Nothing more. Nothing less. Jesse and
Luna are just friends paying us a visit.
(A pause)
And I can only pray that they're going to
break character for once and not do
anything that could embarrass me and blow
my chances for re-election.
Jonathan looks at Jesse and Luna.
JESSE
What? Like we'd embarrass you! Come on,
we'd have to work pretty hard to outdo
the King over here on embarrassment!
The Gorilla King pulls his finger out of his nose.
GORILLA KING
What are you talking about?
NOVA
Yeah! We're not embarrassing! Come on
Kingy-poo. We don't have to take this!
This conference is over!
The Gorilla King nods in agreement and storms off. Nova and
Luna glare at each other for a bit until Nova storms off as
well.
JONATHAN
Okay, this was a total washout. Let's get
back to the office, guys. We can get some
snacks… and booze. I can probably use
this time to write another speech to win
the crowd over next time.
JESSE
You write your own speeches?
KAT
Like hell he does! All he did last
election was recite the lyrics to old
John Lennon songs.
JONATHAN
Pfft. Like the Kirbyleans are hip enough
to recognize them.
(A pause)
No offense, Luna.
LUNA
No offense taken… for now.
They all walk off; the press decides to leave as well. Nilrem
and Earl are left standing together.
EARL
So, boss… what do we do now? Those
Justice Squad guys could be trouble for
you.
NILREM
Yes, they could be quite meddlesome. Call
in some of my old henchmen! I cannot kill
Jonathan and his friends at this moment,
but he did give me an idea. We shall work
to discredit this Justice Squad to hurt
Jonathan's chances for re-election! Start
immediately!
(A pause)
And start with his friends!
EARL
Gotcha, boss.
Nilrem waves his hand and vanishes in a puff of smoke. Earl
pauses for a moment, pulls out a pack of cigarettes, lights
one and puts the pack away. Nilrem then appears again.
NILREM
Earl! What did I tell you about smoking?
It's bad for our public image!
EARL
(Puts out cigarette)
Fine, fine, fine…
Nilrem vanishes again. Earl mutters to himself as he walks
off.
CUT TO:
INT. A KIRBYLEAN TAVERN: "KIRBYLEE UGLY".
We see the pub is rather busy. Several oil lanterns light it
and Kirbyleans of all races are hanging out, drinking and
carousing. A lizard man tends bar and a couple of Amazons are
the waitresses. There's a sole jukebox on the side of the
bar, the only electronic device in there. We then see that
Blue Fairy, Quasar and Donner are playing poker with a couple
of barbarians. Bippo is sitting with them. Thad is off to the
side hitting on a waitress. Two more barbarians are near the
rear of the bar in a dark corner talking to a man in a cloak
and hood.
BARBARIAN #1
And that's what you want us to do to
them?
The man in the hood looks up, revealing to us that it's Earl.
EARL
Yep. Take care of these guys and you'll
all be paid well.
BARBARIAN #2
Deal.
Earl hands them a small pouch and leaves out the rear exit of
the bar. The two barbarians look into the pouch, which
contains some gold coins. They then look over at Thad, who's
still talking to the waitress.
THAD
(Smiles)
And that… was how I defeated Minute Man
and saved the universe!
WAITRESS
Wow. That is so heroic!
The two Barbarians walk up to Thad.
BARBARIAN #1
Excuse me, but that's our girl you're
talking to!
THAD
Well if she's really your girl, then you
shouldn't be worried about her talking to
me, then!
Both Barbarians pause and look at each other, confused.
THAD (CONT'D)
Ha! I've been waiting a while to say that
line! Beat that!
Thad smiles again. The Barbarian then punches Thad square in
the face. As Thad staggers back, both Barbarians grab him and
drag him to the entrance.
EXT. THE KIRBYLEAN BAR.
The Barbarians drag Thad out and throw him out the swinging
doors. Thad lands on the ground directly into a large puddle
of mud.
INT. THE KIRBYLEAN BAR
Blue Fairy, Donner and Quasar look up from their poker game.
BLUE FAIRY
Donner, go check on Thad.
DONNER
Screw you! I'm winning this game!
BLUE FAIRY
Then you won't mind sitting out this
hand.
DONNER
(Sets cards down)
You won't look at my cards while I'm
gone, will you?
BLUE FAIRY
Of course not. I'm the Blue Fairy! Trust
me!
DONNER
Fine. I'll be back.
Donner gets up and walks off. Blue Fairy watches Donner as he
exits the bar.
BLUE FAIRY
Bippo. Look at Donner's cards for me,
would you?
Bippo looks at the cards.
BIPPO
You're better off folding now.
BLUE FAIRY
Dammit!
EXT. THE BAR.
Donner walks up to Thad, who's sitting up, dusting himself
off and wiping the mud off his face.
DONNER
Thad, are you okay?
THAD
(Very calm)
Yes, Donner. I'm fine. By any chance,
could you do me a favor?
DONNER
What do you need?
THAD
(Pulls out a quarter)
Take this coin, and go back into the bar,
over to the jukebox and punch in "A-6".
Got it?
DONNER
(Slightly confused)
"A-6". Sure.
Donner takes the quarter and heads back in.
INT. THE BAR.
Donner walks up to the jukebox and puts the quarter in. ZZ
Top's "La Grange" starts playing. Donner looks at the jukebox
and listens quizzically.
DONNER
Hey, this song sounds familiar… I've
heard it somewhere before… OH! I know!
This is that song they play in action
movies when a fight is about to break
out!
(A pause)
Ohhhh no…
Donner looks around and starts to slowly duck behind a table.
He looks over at the Waitress.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Miss? You might want to hit the dirt.
Thad bursts through the swinging door entrance in his
werewolf form. The Barbarians run up to him, take a couple of
swings at him, but he evades them, decks one and kicks the
other. This basically incites a bar fight. All the Kirbyleans
at the table with Blue Fairy and Quasar stand up, ready for a
fight.
BLUE FAIRY
Ma'x, you have your cosmic stick?
QUASAR
Left it on the Pride-Wing. You have your
wand?
BLUE FAIRY
Left it there as well.
They look at one another.
BLUE FAIRY & QUASAR
Ah, screw it!
They leap out of their chairs, knocking over the table. Blue
Fairy punches to the left while Quasar punches to the right,
decking Barbarians on each side of them. As the brawl
continues, Bippo is calmly walking through the melee. He sits
down at the bar, leans over, oblivious that he has just
narrowly avoided a chair thrown at him, to grab a bottle of
booze and a glass. He pours himself a drink and spins around
in his barstool while holding the bottle and glass, while a
patron of the bar slides across the counter, Bippo stops
spinning in the stool right back the way he was originally
facing. He's about to take a sip off his drink when the
bartender walks by casually and grabs the drink and bottle
away from Bippo. Meanwhile, Donner is crawling along the
floor, trying to avoid any fighting.
DONNER
Stay cool… stay low… stay alive…
Donner then bumps into two large scaly legs. Donner looks up
to see a large Lizard-man standing above him, looking down at
Donner. Donner stands up, but the Lizard-Man is still a good
foot taller than Donner.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Um… hi. I don't suppose you'd be willing
to let me live, would you?
The Lizard-Man lets out a hostile grunt.
DONNER (CONT'D)
(Looks off-screen)
Oh my god! WHAT'S THAT?
The Lizard-Man turns his head. Donner grabs a bottle off a
table and smashes it over the Lizard-Man's head, only for the
Lizard-Man, who's completely un-fazed to look at Donner with
an expression of extreme annoyance.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Ohh, that was a bad idea…
Donner then grabs a thick glass mug and smashes it over the
Lizard-Man's head. Still no effect. The Lizard-Man roars at
Donner.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Aw, screw it!
Donner grabs a large metal flagon and slams it over the
Lizard-Man's head. This time, the Lizard-Man goes down,
knocked clean out. Donner looks down at the body, then at the
dented container, then back to the Lizard-Man and back to the
container.
DONNER (CONT'D)
(Raises arms in triumph)
Whoooooo!!! YEAH, BABY! I AM THE MAN!
A chair then flies across the room, smashing into Donner's
head, knocking him out.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Blorg!!!
As the brawl rages on, a group of Amazons in blue uniforms
with little badges that say "KPD" storm in, brandishing
crossbows and swords. They point them at the group.
KPD AMAZON #1
Kirbylee Police Department! FREEZE!!!
Everyone stops.
KPD AMAZON #2
Who started this?
Everyone in the bar points to Thad, Blue Fairy, Quasar,
Donner and Bippo.
BLUE FAIRY
Oh, come ON!
QUASAR
Let me handle this, guys. I'm good with
female cops.
CUT TO:
INT. A PRISON CELL
Thad, Blue Fairy, Quasar, Donner and Bippo are sitting in the
cell.
BLUE FAIRY
Ma'x, never become a lawyer.
QUASAR
Pfft. We'll just hang tight here until
Capeman and Ultrawoman bail us out.
CUT TO:
EXT. A BEACH.
Capeman and Ultrawoman are relaxing on two beach chairs on
the beach. There's a small bar nearby being run by some
gorillas. Ultrawoman is finishing off what looks like a large
drink.
CAPEMAN
(Watches Ultrawoman finish her
drink)
Good lord, Ultrawoman! What are those and
how many have you had?
ULTRAWOMAN
(Slurred)
They're called Kirbylee Iced Teas.
They're GOOD!
(Laughs)
I've had, like… seven!
(A pause)
I'm gonna get another…
(To off-screen)
CABANA BOY! GET MOMMY ANOTHER GLASS OF
SUNSHINE!
A Gorilla walks up with a drink tray and hands another glass
to Ultrawoman.
ULTRAWOMAN
Thank you, Chim-Chim…
(Pauses)
HA! "Chim-Chim"!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!
The Gorilla grumbles as he walks off.
CAPEMAN
Don't you think you've had enough?
ULTRAWOMAN
You're not the boss of me! SCREW YOU! I
do what I want!
CAPEMAN
Hey, waiter? How much alcohol is in
those?
GORILLA WAITER
One Kirbylee Iced Tea is roughly 250
proof.
CAPEMAN
But proof only goes up to 200!
GORILLA WAITER
Not in Kirbylee it doesn't.
Ultrawoman falls off her chair. Meanwhile, several feet away,
Earl is hiding in the bushes with a camera. He's taking
pictures of the drunken Ultrawoman.
CUT TO:
INT. JONATHAN'S OFFICE. THE NEXT DAY.
Jonathan slams a newspaper down.
JONATHAN
What the hell are you idiots doing?
We see Jonathan is scolding the entire Justice Squad.
JONATHAN (CONT'D)
I mean, good lord! How am I going to win
this election when half the team is
getting arrested for a barroom brawl…
making me the one to bail them out!
THAD
We didn't start that! We were set up!
JONATHAN
I wouldn't be shocked if you were, but
still… You guys get arrested; Ultrawoman
is drunk off her ass…
ULTRAWOMAN
(Still drunk)
You know what? YOU'RE DRUNK! And so's
your face!
JONATHAN
What?
ULTRAWOMAN
You are!
Ultrawoman falls to the floor and grabs a trash can, sticking
her head into it to vomit.
JONATHAN
(Ignoring Ultrawoman)
And Nightflyer… could you please explain
this?
Jonathan holds up the paper, which has a picture of
Nightflyer and Fabian in a hot tub with some glasses of wine.
The entire team then turns to look at Nightflyer.
ULTRAWOMAN
(Off-Screen)
Holy hell!
NIGHTFLYER
What? He was showing me a local spa here
on Kirbylee! What? Two guys can't go to a
spa together?
JONATHAN
Dammit! Nilrem's going to win this
election! I just know it!
DONNER
Not if I have anything to say about it!
JONATHAN
Bah?
JESSE
Wha?
CAPEMAN
Oh, good god… I know where he's going
with this.
DONNER
Jonathan, I'm going to help you win the
election. For a nominal fee of Kirbylean
currency, of course.
LUNA
For gold. Figures!
JONATHAN
And what exactly is it that makes you
special enough to hire for this kind of
job?
DONNER
Simple! I have some experience in
elections! I ran for President once!
BLUE FAIRY
Didn't you lose, though?
DONNER
Semantics!
JONATHAN
All right, I doubt I have much to lose,
so you're hired! What's our first course
of action?
DONNER
We challenge the other candidates to a
public debate! The Gorilla King won't
stand a chance and Nilrem won't have a
chance to prepare his responses like he
did for the press!
JONATHAN
All right… I'll do it! Kat? Notify the
public!
KAT
I'm on it.
INT. NILREM'S HIDEAWAY. MUCH LATER
Nilrem throws down a flier that reads "Mayor Jonathan Krueger
challenges Nilrem and the Gorilla King for a public debate
with questions to be asked by the local populace prior to
Election Day."
NILREM
Who does that insipid little peon think
he is? Challenging me??? I will give him
credit, though. This must be his
retaliation for us working to discredit
him. Clever. Very clever!
Earl is sitting on a couch watching TV and eating a bag of
Cheetos.
EARL
I dunno, boss. Who cares, though? Just
skip it! You've got this election cinched
up tight anyways… I hear there's a new
reality show on TV tonight!
NILREM
Bah! If I don't show up, they may take
that as a sign of weakness! WEAKNESS! AND
NILREM IS NOT WEAK!
EARL
(Quietly)
Nope. Nilrem is loud, but not weak.
Nilrem looks at Earl with a look of contempt, waves a hand
and turns the bag of Cheetos Earl was eating into a bag of
Cockroaches. Earl shrugs and keeps eating.
EARL (CONT'D)
Yeah, like a zombie really cares about
his dietary habits…
Nilrem rolls his eyes. He then waves another hand again, this
time a rifle plops down into Earl's lap.
NILREM
I will go to the debate tonight. Halfway
through it, you will fire on Krueger and
"remove him" from the election. Pfah!
Elections! This was a waste of time from
the beginning! Once you fire on Krueger,
we will take this land once again, by
force this time! And they will not see it
coming, because it will be the LAST THING
THEY EVER SEE!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
EARL
(Continues watching TV)
Yup. Definitely loud.
MUSICAL STING
FADE OUT:
-----------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW HAS BEEN APPROVED
FOR ALL AUDIENCES.
We see a panorama of Las Vegas and it's citizens, followed up
by several quick cuts of criminals and hoodlums.
NARRATOR
If some people told you that some heroes
were just your average ordinary guys with
no care in the world… If some people told
you that there were heroes that won't cop
out when there's danger all about… If
there were some people that told you that
heroes are measured by what they do…
We see a very quick montage of the following things:
- A leather jacket being pulled on.
- A sword being sheathed.
- A gold ring being slipped on a gloved hand.
- A shield with a crescent moon being brought up.
- A mask with two buckteeth by the nose being pulled over a
face.
- A belt of throwing knives hooked onto a loincloth.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
…Well, those people never met these two.
We see it's The Cosmic Weasel and Luna.
COSMIC WEASEL
Well, what were you expecting? Batman and
Robin?
James Brown's "Get Up" starts to play as we see several quick
cuts of the Cosmic Weasel and Luna in action in the same
clips from the last trailer shown during "Donner's Eleven".
NARRATOR
The Cosmic Weasel and Luna are crime
fighters with attitude and style…
We see a black guy with dreadlocks wearing a lab coat. He's
standing next to Cos pulls a sheet off a table to show two
silver wrist bands.
COSMIC WEASEL
Wow! What are these?
GUY IN LAB COAT
These… are your new Weas-Shooters!
COSMIC WEASEL
Sweet!
We then see cut to see Cos firing a wire from the bands and
him and Luna swinging from them. The cord then breaks,
sending them both falling off-screen screaming.
NARRATOR
But when the return of an old enemy puts
everything at risk…
COSMIC WEASEL
(Voice-Over)
It's the Omega Nerds.
We see the Alpha and Beta Nerds circling around Luna.
NARRATOR
…It's time to pull out all the stops!
Coming soon, a new Slightly Warped
Adventure…
We see Luna fighting a ninja in between two aisles of video
tapes. The image then freeze-frames.
SUBTITLE: LUNA.
NARRATOR
Starring the mistress of smash…
She's fighting a ninja. He throws a punch, but she blocks it
with a videocassette she grabs off a shelf. She punches him
with her free hand. He throws another punch, but she tosses
the tape into her other hand and blocks his punch again and
throwing another punch in return with her free hand. She then
tosses the tape to the ninja and he catches it with both
hands. She goes for a punch, but he flinches by bringing the
tape up to his face. Unfortunately, he's holding the box by
the sides and the tape falls out the bottom. Luna catches the
cassette; the ninja looks at the now-empty box in shock, Luna
then uppercuts the ninja with the cassette, knocking him out
and sending the empty box into the air. Luna catches it, puts
the tape back in the box and sets it back on the shelf.
We cut to see Jesse hanging off the side of a speeding car.
The image freeze-frames again.
SUBTITLE: THE COSMIC WEASEL.
NARRATOR
And the talker of trash…
Jesse is standing with The Alpha Nerd.
ALPHA NERD
It's like… wax on… and wax off!
JESSE
Well, no one knows more about whacking
off than you guys, huh?
The Alpha Nerd looks annoyed.
NARRATOR
The Cosmic Weasel and Luna in "Project:
Omega"!
A building explodes.
NARRATOR (CONT'D)
This summer!
-----------------------------------------
FADE IN:
EXT. LUNA'S VILLAGE.
There's a crudely built stage in the center of town. There
are three podiums on stage and a lighting rig complete with a
spotlight set up near the rear of the stands where several
Kirbyleans have gathered. The Justice Squad, with the
exceptions of Jesse and Luna, are sitting in the stands as
well. Ultrawoman is still wasted. Donner walks out on stage.
DONNER
Welcome everyone, to the first Kirbylean
debates! Allow me to introduce the
candidates… First… Running for re
election, from the United States of
America… Jonathan Krueger and his running
mate Katherine Comfort! Accompanying them
is Justice Squad members Jesse Glaspey
and Luna!
Jon, Jesse, Kat and Luna walk out. Jon takes one of the
podiums while the others sit down in seats just off to the
side of him.
DONNER (CONT'D)
From Gorilla City, The Gorilla King and
his running mate, Nova!
The Gorilla King and Nova come out with Devour following
behind Nova. Luna then looks at Devour with an expression
that says "What the hell?" Devour shrugs, sighs and sits
between Luna and Nova. The Gorilla King takes the second
podium.
ULTRAWOMAN
(Off screen)
Hey! Keep it in the circus!!! HA!
DONNER
(Ignoring Ultrawoman)
And finally, from wherever the hell evil
wizards come from, Nilrem and his running
mate, Earl the Zombie!
Poof! Nilrem appears behind his podium.
NILREM
Forgive me, but Earl could not make it
tonight as he… um… has explosive
diarrhea.
DONNER
And that image is now going to haunt me
to my dying days… We'll take our first
question from the audience.
Donner walks up to a Lizard-Man, who has his hand up.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Yes. You have a question for one of the
candidates?
LIZARD-MAN
Yes. My question is for the Gorilla King.
I run a small wheel factory on the edge
of town and the new economy instituted by
Jonathan has been quite helpful in
keeping my mate and hatchlings fed. With
your stance on going back to the old
Kirbylean ways, how do you intend to help
families keep a steady income?
The Gorilla King pauses for a moment, puts on a pair of
glasses, pours a cup of water and then adjusts the microphone
on the podium.
GORILLA KING
Good question. See, I'm a simple ape… and
I like simple things; Eating bananas…
watching Fox TV… rolling on the ground
playing with my bellybutton lint… and I
think the Kirbylean economy is a lot like
a pterodactyl with one eye! Sure, you can
lead him to a waterfall, but will he chew
peanut butter?
Everyone looks confused.
GORILLA KING (CONT'D)
Can I finish? CAN I FINISH?
(A pause)
I'm finished.
DONNER
Nilrem? Jon? A rebuttal?
JONATHAN
(To Gorilla King)
What the hell are you talking about? Are
you insane?
NILREM
(Sighs)
See, this is what I'm talking about. My
plan for the economy is much more sound.
You see, we take all the money in
Kirbylee and store it in a locked box…
Then we bury it in a cave.
JONATHAN
Oh, good lord…
Another hand is raised. Donner walks over to that person.
It's Thad.
THAD
Yeah, I have a question for Nova. Are you
doing anything later? Wanna maybe get a
drink or something?
ULTRAWOMAN
(Off-screen)
Yeah! Tap that ass, Thad!
LUNA
(Off-screen)
Thad! Stop hitting on my sister!!!
THAD
Why? You're all the way on stage! You
can't touch me over here!
All of a sudden, a sneaker flies in from off-screen and
smacks Thad in the nose.
THAD (CONT'D)
(Holding his nose in pain)
OW! Auuuuggggghhh… DAMMIT!
Nova turns to Luna.
NOVA
Why did you do that? I could have done it
myself! You never let me do anything!!!
LUNA
So first I abandon my country and now I'm
overprotective?
NOVA
You did abandon us! And look! You're not
even wearing Amazonian tribal sandals
anymore!
Nova points to the one sneaker Luna is left wearing. The
crowd gasps.
LUNA
These are called Nikes! They are far more
practical than our sandals! And they're
more comfortable too! I still do not see
how me wearing shoes that cover my toes
somehow implies that I have abandoned
Kirbylean way of peace and love!
JESSE
You tell her, babe!
LUNA
Shut up or I'll kick you in the skull!!!
(To Nova)
And you are the LAST person that should
be harassing me on bad decisions!
NOVA
What do you mean by that?
ULTRAWOMAN
(Off-screen)
You're dating a MONKEY!
LUNA
(Ignoring Ultrawoman)
You are rash in your judgment on things!
NOVA
Yeah? Well… you're fat!
The audience oohs. Luna looks offended. She smacks Nova
upside the head. Nova pauses and then punches Luna in the
arm. They pause, then get in a full on catfight, rolling on
the ground in front of everyone.
JONATHAN
My GOD!
JESSE
I know.
A pause.
JESSE (CONT'D)
I'm going to go get the garden hose!
JONATHAN
I'll get the video camera!
Jonathan and Jesse turn to head off, but Kat is in their way
staring at them. Jon goes back to the podium while Jesse sits
back down. Meanwhile, Earl is hiding in the lighting rig
setting up the rifle Nilrem gave him and aiming it at
Jonathan. At the same time, Thad is sitting in the audience,
rubbing his nose. He then sniffs something.
THAD
I smell something.
QUASAR
If it's some type of poop, then everyone
smells it.
THAD
No.
(Sniffs the air again)
It's gun oil and gunpowder.
Thad gets up and starts walking to the rear of the stands.
Quasar follows. Meanwhile, on the stage, Luna and Nova are
still fighting. Jesse leans over to Devour.
JESSE
(To Devour)
Did they do this often when growing up?
Devour smiles and nods.
NILREM
This is retarded!!!
Everyone stops and turns to Nilrem.
NILREM (CONT'D)
I accepted this debate because I thought
it would be an actual challenge! That
there would be a matching of wits! An
actual debate… not this… Jerry Springer
show! AUGH! I thought kissing ugly babies
and shaking hairy palms would be easy. I
was wrong! It'd just be easier to kill
everyone now and dominate the survivors!!
EARL! NOW!
Up in the lighting rig, Earl takes aim as Thad and Quasar
barge in.
QUASAR
Gun!!!
Everyone in the crowd and on stage hears this and starts
panicking. Thad and Quasar tackle Earl just as he fires the
gun. Jesse leaps out of his seat and shoves Jon aside as the
bullet strikes Jesse; he spins in midair, grabs his chest and
slams into the ground facedown.
LUNA
Jesse!!
Luna and Nova stop fighting and rush over to Jesse with Jon,
Kat, Devour and the Gorilla King.
NILREM
And with him, the carnage begins!
Nilrem waves his hands and a skeleton army rises up from the
ground and a T-Rex army storms in from out of the jungle. The
Justice Squad sits up from their seats.
ULTRAWOMAN
My GOD! We've got to stop them!
Ultrawoman pauses and then passes out. Capeman rubs his
forehead.
CAPEMAN
(To Nightflyer, Bippo, Donner
and Blue Fairy)
I'll take care of the T-Rexes. Fairy?
Nightflyer? You two take care of the
skeletons. Donner. Bippo. You guys take
care of getting these people out of here.
Go!
Capeman flies off towards the dinosaurs as the group rushes
towards their objectives. Meanwhile, on stage, Jonathan and
Kat turn Jesse over.
KAT
Okay, we're going to need forceps, gauze,
water and…
Jesse coughs a bit and opens his eyes.
KAT (CONT'D)
…A miracle?
LUNA
Jesse?
JESSE
(Sits up)
What? What'd I miss?
JONATHAN
You just got shot… didn't you?
KAT
I don't seem to see any sort of entry
wound.
Jesse looks down and opens his hand. He's holding the bullet.
JONATHAN
Well, that's new! I didn't know you could
catch bullets.
JESSE
Funny thing. I can't!
(Looks around)
Is Nilrem up to his old tricks?
JONATHAN
Yep. Seems like old times.
JESSE
Well, you thinking what I'm thinking?
JONATHAN
Damned right.
Jon helps Jesse up. Jesse taps his ring and becomes The
Cosmic Weasel. Jesse then looks to Jon.
JONATHAN (CONT'D)
Haven't said this in a while… NIPPLAGE!
A lightning bolt crashes down and turns Jon into DR. WHAM.
DR. WHAM
Devour, stay here and watch Kat. Okay?
Devour nods. Cos and Doc nod to each other, high five and
join in the fracas with the skeleton soldiers. Meanwhile,
Luna and Nova look at one another.
NOVA
I'm sorry, sister. We should have gone
about this problem in a more mature
manner!
LUNA
Yes. In an arm wrestling contest after
drinking several Kirbylee Iced Teas!
NOVA
(Sniffles)
That's the Kirbylean way! I am so sorry.
I love you, sis!
LUNA
I love you too!
Nova & Luna hug. As they're looking over each other's
shoulder, they see two skeleton soldiers sneaking up on each
other.
LUNA & NOVA
Look out!
They spin each other around and kick out at the soldiers,
knocking their heads off. They then come across another
skeleton soldier. They both jump in the air in unison, doing
quintuple somersaults.
LUNA & NOVA (CONT'D)
AYE-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!!!
They both come down kicking the creature in the chest,
sending it flying across the stage. Luna and Nova then high
five. Meanwhile, Cos, Doc and the rest of the Justice Squad
battle more skeleton creatures, Thad and Quasar are still
dealing with Earl…
THAD
All right, Earl! Surrender and we won't
kill you… again.
QUASAR
(To Thad)
What? You're not going to eat him?
THAD
Screw that! I've eaten zombies before!
They taste horrible!
EARL
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! No need to eat me, man!
I surrender! As a matter of fact, you
guys need a Zombie on the Justice Squad?
Quasar and Thad look at each other.
QUASAR
He does smell better than Chunk.
THAD
Nah… if we let him join, Drew will never
let me hear the end of it!
They both turn to Earl, who's disappeared.
THAD (CONT'D)
Son of a…
Meanwhile on the stage, Nilrem is gloating…
NILREM
Destroy this "Justice Squad" my minions!
Let them know the wrath I have held in
check throughout this damned election!
For I will be their new President!!!
VOICE #1
Hey, Nilrem! If you're President…
VOICE #2
…Consider THIS your impeachment!
Nilrem turns around to see Cos and Doc, who punch him,
sending him flying across the stage. Nilrem gets up and as
Cos and Doc are about to attack, Capeman gets in the way.
CAPEMAN
(To Cos & Doc)
Wait! I'll handle this!
(To Nilrem)
Hi. I'm Capeman. Justice Squad.
Nilrem shakes Capeman's hand.
NILREM
Nilrem. Evil wizard and conqueror.
CAPEMAN
Pleasure's all mine. Listen, I just
knocked out your tyrannosaurs. Didn't
want to kill them because they're
endangered and all. But I did have a
problem with our vacation being ruined.
So I'd like to express to you how upset I
am over this.
NILREM
Express yourself how?
There's a brief pause. Capeman then punches Nilrem so hard he
flies up through the air until he goes down, landing in a
volcano off in the distance. The volcano burps and all the
skeleton soldiers fall to pieces.
LUNA
Wow! Capeman just punched Nilrem all the
way to Mount Kaboom!
NIGHTFLYER
Wait… you guys named your volcano "Mount
Kaboom"?
LUNA
(A pause)
We're a simple people.
NIGHTFLYER
Isn't that a bit onomatopoetic?
Another pause.
LUNA
Shut up, Willard!
Luna walks off.
BIPPO
Man, if this is what Election Day is
like, I gotta be here for Christmas!!!
DR. WHAM
(Looks at Cos)
Well, I guess I don't have to worry about
the election as much anymore.
CUT TO:
EXT. CITY HALL. THE NEXT DAY
Jon and Kat are exiting City Hall and walking through the
streets of Kirbylee with the Justice Squad. Jon is carrying a
box containing personal items like a nameplate a coffee mug
and several office supplies.
JONATHAN
I can't believe I lost to the Gorilla
King!!!
KAT
(Pats Jon on the back)
I know, honey. It sucks. But hey! At
least after we stopped Nilrem for the
second time, the King decided to hire us
on to work with him as a committee rather
than a single head of state.
JESSE
(Laughing)
I don't think he's upset about that so
much as he got beat by a gorilla!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
JONATHAN
Ha ha. Very funny. Shall I tell Luna
about the time a talking car kidnapped
and impersonated you?
JESSE
(Stops laughing)
Okay, let's not get crazy here.
Thad turns around to wave at a group of Amazons.
THAD
Bye ladies! We've got to go home now!
AMAZONS
Byyyyyeee Thaaaaaad!
THAD
I should totally move here!
Luna steps in front of Thad and looks to the women.
LUNA
Girls, look out! He's a werewolf!
THAD
Oh come on, Luna! They're not that
shallow! They've probably dated weirder…
Thad is all of a sudden pelted by several pieces of fruit and
rocks.
THAD (CONT'D)
Gah!!! Knock it off! DAMMIT!
Thad ducks the rest of the objects being thrown at him. He
then looks fairly annoyed at Luna, who smiles back at him and
then walks off after the group.
THAD (CONT'D)
That was because I hit on your sister,
wasn't it?
Thad pauses. Then follows after the group.
EXT. THE JUNGLE. LATER.
The Justice squad is now walking through the jungle together.
CAPEMAN
I'm still confused as to how the
Kirbyleans could decide to vote for the
Gorilla King when you and all of us saved
the King's bacon.
JONATHAN
Apparently, he claimed that the catfight
between Luna and Nova was his idea and
the brawl between Nilrem's forces and us
was nothing more than a stage show. The
Kirbyleans bought it and were so
impressed that they voted for the Gorilla
King.
JESSE
They've got to be incredibly stupid to
have fallen for that!
There's a brief pause as Jesse realizes what he's just said.
Luna glares at him.
JESSE (CONT'D)
…Except for the Amazons that are all
incredibly smart and just as beautiful.
LUNA
Nice save.
JESSE
Thanks.
Luna then punches Jesse in the gut.
JESSE (CONT'D)
(Gasping)
Aw, COME ON!!!
ULTRAWOMAN
(Holding head)
Could you guys please shut up! Ugh. I'm
never drinking like that again. I've got
this evil hangover. We could power cars
with those Kirbylee Iced Teas. My head is
killing me!
QUASAR
(Holds up a camera)
That'll be nothing compared to the
headaches you get when you see all the
stuff you did on vacation!
Ultrawoman groans and Nightflyer and Blue Fairy help her
along. Donner smiles happily as he carries two armfuls of
gold coins.
DONNER
Ah, cheer up Ultrawoman! With all this
money I got, I can buy you all the
aspirin you want!
Jonathan walks up to Donner.
JONATHAN
That reminds me…
Jon grabs a gold coin from Donner.
DONNER
Hey!
Jonathan peels the gold off the coin to reveal chocolate
underneath and takes a bite. Donner and the rest of the team
look on in shock.
DONNER (CONT'D)
Chocolate! YOUR CURRENCY IS CHOCOLATE
COINS? I thought you guys said the
currency was made from Nilrem's palace!
JONATHAN
Yeah… the wrappers are anyways. But we
mixed that with aluminum foil.
Everyone starts grabbing the coins from Donner and eating
them. Donner starts flailing around as everyone is grabbing
the coins from him.
DONNER
Dammit!
Everyone laughs at Donner and continues on. Jesse and
Jonathan fall back a bit.
JESSE
Are you sure you don't want to come back
with us, Jon? We've still got a space for
you on the active roster.
JONATHAN
Nah. We're going to stick this out. Kat
likes it here.
JESSE
All right. It's quite a circus here,
though!
JONATHAN
I know. We're thinking of taking this act
on the road!
They both laugh. Jonathan pauses.
JONATHAN (CONT'D)
So, what was up with your powers and you
catching that bullet? Does the rest of
the team know something's up with your
weasel abilities?
JESSE
I don't think so. I'm waiting for the
moment to break it to them that
something's wrong.
JONATHAN
Well, don't wait too long. That would
suck.
JESSE
Yeah, but not getting any recognition for
saving this island again sucks more. The
second we leave, they're probably going
to forget all about us.
Jonathan's jaw slowly drops as they reach the beach where the
Pride-Wing is parked. We see the rest of the Justice Squad
already there staring in amazement at Chunk, who's sitting in
front of several glass-like statues of members of the Justice
Squad (including Devour, Bippo, Donner, Dr. Wham, Drew
Fangtastic, Decoy and Mr. T).
NIGHTFLYER
I think he pressurized the sand into
glass with his bare hands! This is
incredible!
JONATHAN
(To Jesse)
Dude, I don't think they're going to
forget us as quick as we thought.
The team stares at the statues as the music swells and we…
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
INT. THE JUNGLE
The Gorilla King and Earl are standing there.
EARL
That sure was an exciting adventure,
wasn't it, King?
GORILLA KING
Sure was, Earl!
EARL
In today's episode, we all learned that
intolerance of other cultures always
leads to trouble. So remember kids,
humanity is a diverse race of humanoids,
supernatural beings and monkey people.
Hatred of someone's government, faith or
ethnic background is just plain wrong.
GORILLA KING
And if they really piss you off, you can
just throw your poop at them. Cause it's
like I always say, "Just because a frog
can play baseball, it doesn't mean he can
tap dance on Tuesdays!"
EARL
(Confused)
What?
The Gorilla King gives the thumbs up to the camera and
freezes as Earl sighs and pulls out a cigarette, lights it
and shakes his head in disbelief.
FADE OUT:
THE END