NARRATOR
Finally on Justice Squad
---
INT. JUSTICE SQUAD HQ
Cosmic Weasel and Luna are about to kiss in a hallway when
Ultrawoman bursts out of a doorway.
ULTRAWOMAN
Luna!
LUNA
Ultrawoman?
ULTRAWOMAN
What's the date?
LUNA
What?
ULTRAWOMAN
The date!
COSMIC WEASEL
It's December 3rd, 2007.
ULTRAWOMAN
December 3rd, 2007?
LUNA
What's wrong?
ULTRAWOMAN
December 3rd, 2007!? I don't know
how or why but... I'm moving back
and forth through time!
---
INT. A COURTROOM
BIPPO, NIGHTFLYER, and THE PROFESSOR are standing in front of
a judge.
JUDGE
I herby sentence you to twenty
years in jail for not being a good
samaritan!
QUASAR pops up from behind the bench.
QUASAR
NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!
---
EXT. KOREA
CAPEMAN boards a helicopter. As it takes off into the air,
he looks down to reveal a message on the ground made out of
white rocks that reads "GOOD BYE!" He smiles and wipes a
tear from his eye.
---
EXT. SUNNYDALE CALIFORNIA
The city is now a giant smoking crater. Ultrawoman, Wolfman,
Luna, Nightflyer, Bippo, Blue Wizard, and Colossal Chunk.
Are standing in front of a school bus looking at the crater.
BLUE WIZARD
So, what do we do now, Mona?
Ultrawoman smiles. Bippo pushes Jack into the crater for no
good damn reason.
---
MONTAGE
Set to Skai's "Breath Me."
INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM
An aged Ultrawoman is lying in a hospital bed as an aged
Capeman, Wolfman, and Zalkia is standing over her. She dies
peacfully.
WHITE
CAPTION:
MONA L. WATUR
1974 - 2047
INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM
As before. Wolfman looks at Luna.
WOLFMAN
At least she went peacefully in her
sleep and not screaming in pleasure
like Luna's sister.
Luna takes out a sword.
WHITE
CAPTION:
WOLFMAN
1974 - 2047
---
INT. A DINER
RICH E. MOGUL is eating dinner with Senestra, Mad Cow, The
Amazing Colossal Wood, The One, Hogarth, and several other
supervillans. He looks up as WOLFMAN enters. The scene
suddenly cuts to black for several seconds.
BIPPO THE CLOWN (O.C.)
WHAT... THE... F**K!?
---
INT. A MOTEL ROOM
FBI agents TOOTY and SUNDAY are sitting on a bed in the dark
room.
TOOTY
What's this from?
SUNDAY
The X-Files.
TOOTY
Oh.
(a beat)
This ending sucks.
---
EXT. A DARK ROOM
A hand fumbles for a lamp. The light turns on and it's LIAM
SMITH.
LIAM SMITH
Oh my goodness!
KARI WUHRER wakes up next to him.
KARI WUHRER
What is it, honey?
LIAM SMITH
I just had the weirdest dream. It
was all about superheroes and
vampires and werewolves and evil
organizations and space aliens and
chicks who want to destroy the
universe!
Kari stares at him.
KARI WUHRER
Go to sleep, dear.
Liam reaches over and shuts off the light.
---
NARRATOR
And now, the conclusion.
FADE IN:
EXT. A LARGE CHURCH
It's raining as CAPEMAN, WOLFMAN, COLOSSAL CHUNK, COSMIC
WEASEL, BLUE WIZARD, and NIGHTFLYER carry a red coffin with
yellow lining. DONNER, LUNA, IVY, and dozens of costumed
heroes walk behind them as they take the coffin into the
church.
DONNER (V.O.)
I have been many things in
Ultrawoman's life. A friend, a
boss, a lover, and a husband...
some of them I wasn't good at and
some of them I was REALLY good at,
am I right ladies?
(An embarrassed pause)
So what can I say about this
remarkable woman that hasn't
already been said?
INT. THE CHURCH
Donner is at the podium giving the eulogy. There are
thousands of flowers around. Weeping can be heard in the
background.
DONNER
When the gene-bomb that Dr. Saint
Dick, Blue Wizard... I mean, Blue
Fairy set up went off and gave
everyone on Earth superpowers for a
few hours, we all felt the same
things that she and the rest of the
superheroes felt. The powers and
freedom that comes with it.
Someone once asked me what makes
Justice Squad so special - and in
doing that, asked me what made
Ultrawoman so special. I'll tell
you what made her special: she
could fly, shoot beams from her
hands, let bullets bounce off of
her, and crush every one of our
heads with her thumb and pinky.
The woman could have run the whole
world and a lot of us would have
let her do it gladly.
(he looks down, having
some difficulty
continuing)
But that's not what she wanted.
All she wanted to do was help.
That's all she wanted.
(He looks up)
And that's what made her special.
That's what makes all my friends...
all my family special.
Justice Squad, sitting in the front row, look on as Donner
sits next to them.
INT. A TELEVISION STUDIO
CHIP BEAVERMILK and CONNIE LINGUS are at the desk looking at
the camera.
CONNIE LINGUS
Hello, I'm Chip Beavermilk.
CHIP BEAVERMILK
And I'm Connie Lingus.
CONNIE LINGUS
Our top story tonight: The world is
morning the deaths of several dozen
superheroes all over the world.
CHIP BEAVERMILK
In Spain and Mexico, Latin
Superhero El Loco Nacho was honored
in a candlelight vigil and the mass
marketing of thousands of superlong
tacky airbrushed T-shirts.
He stands showing that he's wearing one that has an
airbrushed rendition of El Loco Nacho, a red pepper, and the
words "RIP" on it.
CONNIE LINGUS
Classy, Chip. More services in
Dallas today where thousands
gathered to remember the life of
Ultrawoman who we have just
recently learned was, in civilian
life, Doctor Mona L. Watur Phd.
CHIP BEAVERMILK
Incredible.
CONNIE LINGUS
Her secret identity?
CHIP BEAVERMILK
Yeah, I mean... a doctor. Wow, a
doctor. You'd think with a body
like that she would have been a
model or a wrestler or a drag queen
or something.
CONNIE LINGUS
You never cease to unimpress me,
Chip.
CHIP BEAVERMILK
Thank you, Connie.
CONNIE LINGUS
On hand at the funeral was Elton
John.
CUT TO:
INT. THE CHURCH
Elton John is at the piano singing. He's got on pink star
shaped glasses and a rhinestone suit.
ELTON JOHN
(Singing "Candle in the
Wind)
Goodbye Mona L!
May you ever... fly in our lives.
You had an ass of biblical size.
And it seems to me, I have a hit,
when somebody dies.
I can only hope that more of you
become food for the flies.
Please won't some more famous folk
find a quick way to get offed...
I want some more gold records...
To finish up my looooooft.
Everyone claps in confusion.
WOLFMAN
(Whispers to Cosmic
Weasel)
Who INVITED him?
Cos shrugs.
INT. A TELEVISION STUDIO
As before. Chip and Connie are looking at the camera.
CONNIE LINGUS
I think that's a number one record,
Chip.
CHIP BEAVERMILK
We can only hope. This just in:
Paris Hilton flashes her cootch
again revealing she has no
underwear. Thirteen people are
confirmed dead, dozens others are
injured.
CONNIE LINGUS
Joining us now is prominent and fat
scientist, Maximilian Arturo.
Thank you for joining us.
PROFESSOR ARTURO
I didn't have a choice! You
kidnapped me in a black van!
CONNIE LINGUS
Can you offer an opinion on the
past crisis.
PROFESSOR ARTURO
Ah yes... it was terrible. A
gaping black vortex into a hell
from which there is no return.
CONNIE LINGUS
The dimension we lost Ultrawoman
down?
PROFESSOR ARTURO
What? I thought we were still
talking about Paris Hilton!
INT. JUSTICE SQUAD HQ
All of Justice Squad are sitting around the conference table.
Several empty bottles of wine litter the table. They are all
laughing. CAPEMAN and BLUE WIZARD (referred to in dialogue
now as Blue Fairy) is notably absent.
LUNA
...and then it goes off in her
hands.
WOLFMAN
You're kidding me.
LUNA
No, it just explodes right there in
her hands. Threw me backwards ten
yards.
COLOSSAL CHUNK
Then what happened?
LUNA
I pick myself up and I was all
like, My God! Are you okay!?
COSMIC WEASEL
This is the best part.
LUNA
And she said, "This will never come
out of this outfit!"
Everyone laughs.
COSMIC WEASEL
In our defense, we should have
known better than to let Bippo play
Santa at Christmas.
BIPPO THE CLOWN
You WERE all surprised!
Everyone laughs. Donner holds up a glass.
DONNER
Another toast. To Ultrawoman.
Colossal Chunk holds up his glass.
COLOSSAL CHUNK
To Leonard.
Luna raises her glass.
LUNA
To Qua-
IVY
(Quickly)
To Quasar.
Luna looks at Ivy and smiles, knowing that it is more Ivy's
place than hers.
LUNA
To Ultragirl.
COSMIC WEASEL
To Captain Spaz.
Nightflyer raises his glass.
NIGHTFLYER
To all of us.
Everyone looks at him oddly.
NIGHTFLYER
...for we are only here for a
little while.
INT. THE GARDEN
BLUE WIZARD walks through the sunlit meadow. The dark clouds
on the horizon are gone. He sees ULTRAGIRL sitting Indian
style on the grass.
BLUE WIZARD
Tell me something...
Ultragirl turns to him quickly.
BLUE WIZARD
Is it weird knowing what you'll
looking like in another sixteen
years?
ULTRAGIRL
Jack, hey...
BLUE WIZARD
You know, I promised I wouldn't
tell anyone about this, but you've
got to start asking permission
before you come here.
Zalika stands. She's not in uniform, but rather wearing
bright red suspenders and a yellow undershirt.
ZALIKA
Sorry, Jack. I didn't think you'd
mind. I just came here to...
BLUE WIZARD
You're here for the same reason I
am.
ZALIKA
Any luck?
BLUE WIZARD
I asked Grammy where my dad is.
She gave me some cryptic nonsense
about him having to atone before he
could come live in the garden but
she wouldn't say anymore. I
thought when I saw him on Kodiak
Island, he finally got here.
(a beat)
I miss him.
ZALIKA
You'll see him again someday.
BLUE WIZARD
How about you?
ZALIKA
I've searched with my powers
through all the astral planes I can
access from here. You were
right... she is gone.
Jack gives her a hug.
BLUE WIZARD
I'm sorry, Zy.
Zy is crying.
ZALIKA
I should have told her.
BLUE WIZARD
You were right not to. If they
knew the full extent of your
powers... what you're able to do.
You would never have a childhood.
It would be the whole Rich E. Mogul
kidnapping incident all over again,
may Satan crap on his worthless
soul for all eternity.
ZALIKA
I would have liked to have talked
to her just once. Just to talk.
Jack puts his hand on her shoulder.
BLUE WIZARD
You're going to make her proud.
ZALIKA
You're goddamned right about that.
BLUE WIZARD
That's a very ugly word for a three
year old!
ZALIKA
I'm grumpy. I need a changing.
Blue Wizard wrinkles his nose.
BLUE WIZARD
I'll get someone.
INT. ZALIKA'S NURSURY
DONNER is there changing Ultrababy's diaper.
DONNER
(Grumbling to himself)
Why the hell does Blue Dumbass
think he has to telepathically call
me every time you crap on yourself?
Ultrababy laughs and claps her hands.
DONNER
Yeah, you WOULD think this is
funny.
CAPEMAN enters.
CAPEMAN
Oh, hey.
DONNER
Hey, where have you been?
CAPEMAN
Just... You know. Flying.
DONNER
I haven't seen you since the
funeral.
CAPEMAN
I haven't wanted to be seen.
Donner finishes with Ultrababy. He holds her.
DONNER
How are you holding up?
CAPEMAN
Why is everyone asking me how I'm
holding up? How do you think I'm
holding up?
Donner looks away.
CAPEMAN
I'm going to be RICH!
Donner looks back in confusion. Capeman has an ULtrawoman
doll in his hands.
CAPEMAN
Look at this! These crappy little
lead-contaminated dolls that we
recalled and we couldn't sell! We
double the price and sell them on
TV as Ultrawoman memorial figures!
We'll make millions... billions!
DONNER
Capeman...
CAPEMAN
It's a fool proof plan. We can't
fail!
DONNER
Joe... Don't...
CAPEMAN
It's... it's a great w-way to make
money! I... I just n-need an
investor!
DONNER
JOE, STOP IT!!!
He starts to cry.
CAPEMAN
This... This is the only thing I
know to do!
Capeman drops the doll.
CAPEMAN
I-I don't know what else to do. I
don't know how else to deal. I
need something.
He trails off. Donner picks up the doll and sits next to
him.
DONNER
I think we can get away with
tripling the price if you want my
opinion. Of course, I will demand
a consulting fee of 25 percent.
CAPEMAN
Fifteen.
DONNER
Twenty.
CAPEMAN
Twenty-Five.
DONNER
Thirty.
CAPEMAN
Forty.
DONNER
Deal.
They look at each other and laugh. Donner looks down at the
doll in his hands.
CAPEMAN
You said some great things at the
funeral.
DONNER
She was a great woman. None like
her. None will be again.
CAPEMAN
Things just won't be the same.
DONNER
No they won't be. I'm sure with
Wolfman in charge, though, there
will be a light at the end of the
tunnel.
CUT TO:
INT. A HALLWAY OF LIGHT
ULTRAWOMAN is floating through the hallway of light towards a
blinding white light ahead of her. The light gets closer and
closer and closer as a chorus gets louder and louder and
louder until...
INT. AN OFFICE
ULTRAWOMAN enters the office through a door. She looks at
the handle in her hand in astonishment as though she's a
little suprised that it's there. She looks behind her seeing
only a dark empty hallway.
Ultrawoman shuts the door behind her and walks into the
office.
ULTRAWOMAN
...not exactly what I was
expecting.
Ultrawoman notices a small computer sitting on a desk nearby.
She walks over to it.
ULTRAWOMAN
What the hell?
The camera zooms in on the computer screen revealing that
there is a script on it. On the script we see a complete
duplication of this page of the script. Ultrawoman blinks in
confusion. As she reads, the words appear as though they are
writing themselves.
ULTRAWOMAN
What is this?
The words write themselves on the computer. She almost
laughs at the idiocy.
ULTRAWOMAN
"Idiocy" is the word I would use.
Someone is standing behind her. Seeing those words appear on
the screen, Ultrawoman turns around quickly revealing a
rather ordinary looking man in his thirties. He's overweight
and wearing a T-shirt and shorts. This is THE CONTROLLER.
CONTROLLER
Hi.
ULTRAWOMAN
Who are you?
CONTROLLER
(Waves her off)
My name isn't that important. You
guys have been referring to me as
The Controller for the last five
years, so that will do.
ULTRAWOMAN
You?
(She looks him over)
You're the controller? You're this
all powerful entity that Bippo has
been going on about?
CONTROLLER
Oh, I'm that entity... or that guy
whatever you want to call me. I'm
not all powerful though. If I was,
I'd have a better office... and I
wouldn't have an Acer. I mean,
look at that thing! It's
embarrassing!
He motions to the computer.
ULTRAWOMAN
Bippo said that you control
everything we do.
CONTROLLER
That's right.
The controller walks over to the computer desk and points at
the screen. The words are still appearing as the action
takes place.
CONTROLLER
All through this. I write your
lives, so to speak.
ULTRAWOMAN
Bull.
CONTROLLER
It's true! I can make you do
anything.
Ultrawoman picks him up.
ULTRAWOMAN
Make me do this then, you
bastard!!!
She throws him out a window. His body hangs on the sill, cut
to pieces on the glass. Blood runs down the wall and onto
the floor. Ultrawoman breathes heavily. The camera angles
revealing the Controller behind her.
CONTROLLER
Feel better?
Ultrawoman turns and looks at him. She looks back at the
window revealing that the body is gone.
ULTRAWOMAN
What?
CONTROLLER
Don't feel bad. That was
completely out of character for
you. You're the level headed one.
Now, Luna on the other hand...
ULTRAWOMAN
(Holds her head)
That's right... Why did I do that?
I... I tried to murder you!
CONTROLLER
Think nothing of it I mean, it's
not like you're the first person to
try and kill me. I was a country
music DJ for several years. You
did it because I wanted you to.
ULTRAWOMAN
Why would you want me to do a thing
like that?
CONTROLLER
To prove to you that I control your
life. I am the puppet master, so
to speak. Plus, our audience loves
it when I do something unexpected.
ULTRAWOMAN
Audience? The Watchers?
CONTROLLER
Actually, they're more readers than
watchers. But calling them readers
would have tipped my hand a little
too much not that they haven't
figured it out yet. Those who
didn't will claim they did. It's
so darned irritating.
Ultrawoman picks up a stack of papers. They are more scripts
printed out on plain paper.
ULTRAWOMAN
This is the time we went out into
space... and this is the time that
we took over the government.
It's all here!
(a beat, she looks at him)
Are... Are you God?
The Controller cracks up and has a good laugh.
CONTROLLER
For the sake of the universe, I
hope not! Although I am somewhat
of a creator.
ULTRAWOMAN
And you wrote all of our lives?
CONTROLLER
Not all of your lives. Certainly,
I set them up, but only wrote the
last five years of them. I didn't
even write all of that myself.
Guest writers help out. Haven't
you ever noticed that sometimes
things are different for you and
your friends? You act a little
different... talk a little
different? Use the words "bloody"
and/or "asspipe?"
ULTRAWOMAN
Now that you mention it, sometimes
we are funnier.
The Controller stares at her. His lip twitches.
CONTROLLER
Be that as it may. Do you believe
me now?
ULTRAWOMAN
Do I have a choice?
CONTROLLER
Not really. You believe me now
because it's convenient for the
story. Sure, if it was a real
person in your place, they would be
questioning and disbelieving when
their entire existence is called
into question. You, on the other
hand, know I'm telling the truth.
ULTRAWOMAN
(Angered)
Yes. I do.
CONTROLLER
Oh, why are you mad if I didn't
already know?
ULTRAWOMAN
You're responsible for it all!
Capegirl, Thad's heartbreak,
Captain Spaz, Quasar, Leonard,
Ultragirl, all those trillions that
Mogul and Chrissie and the rest of
our enemies killed! You're
responsible for it all!
CONTROLLER
Yes, I admit. I am that fiendish
man behind the curtain. But don't
make me out to be a murderer. None
of you really exist... none of you
are real, so what does it matter?
ULTRAWOMAN
IT'S REAL ENOUGH FOR ME!
CONTROLLER
And?
ULTRAWOMAN
And!? And... It's goddamned
unfair!
The Controller glares at her. He picks up a framed picture
from his desk and hands it to her.
ULTRAWOMAN
Who's this?
CONTROLLER
My aunt. Like a second mother to
me. You see, you live in a world
where people die and come back all
the time; a world where an alien
attack can level the city,
supervillains can lay waste to a
whole nation, and giant killer
robots can destroy everything in
sight and yet everything is back to
normal the next week. I live in a
world of 9/11, Hurricane Katrina,
and George W. Bush. My aunt was
one of the finest and wonderful
people I ever knew.
She developed small cell cancer and
in 6 months went to being this
wonderful person to a shell of a
human being who died slowly and in
incredible pain.
(He takes the picture from
her)
So don't you tell me what's fair
and what's not. Don't you dare.
There is a long moment of silence.
ULTRAWOMAN
(Uncomfortable)
So, did you bring me into your
world or something?
CONTROLLER
No, I'm not all powerful, remember?
I can't bring you into my world
anymore than you can bring me into
yours. I can simulate it here,
though which is what I'm doing.
I'm am an imaginative little
bastard. Sure, I'm borrowing ideas
from "Five Characters in Search of
an Author" and Grant Morrison.
(waves to the camera)
Hi Grant! Don't sue, okay?
(to Ultrawoman)
I don't think he will. I followed
his work on JLA even until that
bullsnot Maggeddon storyline and I
think he owe me one.
ULTRAWOMAN
But why?
CONTROLLER
Because it was terrible! All that
time building up this badass
villain and it was a goddamned
octopus? Not to mention that crap
about Superman absorbing
Maggeddon's energy? What a load of
bullsh...
ULTRAWOMAN
No, idiot, why did you bring me
here!?
CONTROLLER
I don't really know. I'm not all
knowing either.
If I was, I would have avoided that
stupid "Going Postal" episode. I
mean, I know I've wanted to kill
you off for a while, but--
ULTRAWOMAN
Kill me off!?
CONTROLLER
Excuse me, I wasn't finished.
ULTRAWOMAN
You are going to kill me!?
CONTROLLER
Have killed. Past tense.
ULTRAWOMAN
Wait a minute, I... I was killed.
I remember it and then I was here.
You-You brought me back? Why!?
CONTROLLER
To talk. I mean, I've gotten
rather fond of you over the years.
ULTRAWOMAN
Ew.
CONTROLLER
Not in that way. I'm married to a
real woman. One I don't have to
imagine touching. Well, at least
not all the time... some of the
time. All right, I imagine a lot.
What I'm saying is that I'm fond of
your character, Mona. I've been
surrounded by strong women all my
life - my mother, sisters, aunt. I
took characteristics of them when I
created and developed you.
ULTRAWOMAN
And yet you killed me.
CONTROLLER
Which is why you're here. We are
destined to destroy what we love.
I wanted to talk to you...
(He looks around)
...but not here. How about some
place nicer?
EXT. KETCHIKAN ALASKA
A river flows swiftly below as Ultrawoman and The Controller
walk on the raised boardwalk. A slow soft rain falls.
Ultrawoman looks suprised to be there, but continues to walk
with The Controller.
CONTROLLER
That's better.
ULTRAWOMAN
Where are we?
CONTROLLER
Ketchikan Alaska. Small town on
the Inside Passage. Always loved
it here.
ULTRAWOMAN
It's wet.
CONTROLLER
Well, I like the rain.
ULTRAWOMAN
And it's cold and I have a lot of
cleavage.
CONTROLLER
You're not cold.
ULTRAWOMAN
Yes I am!
CONTROLLER
How can you be when you're wearing
that fur coat?
Ultrawoman looks down. She's wearing a luxurious green fur
coat. She smiles at first, but them frowns.
CONTROLLER
No, I didn't skin Devour. I just
wanted to reference him since he
hasn't shown up in the story yet.
People are going be be all like,
"Where's Devour!?" He's fine,
dammit! He's fine! Aren't you?
Devour sticks his head out of a window.
DEVOUR
I'm fine.
He goes back inside.
ULTRAWOMAN
This is insane.
CONTROLLER
No, just insane.
A beat.
ULTRAWOMAN
So, if you were so set on killing
me all this time, why did you wait
five years?
CONTROLLER
Chickened out mostly, but your
number was up the moment I created
you. Remember when Capeman died?
ULTRAWOMAN
Which time?
CONTROLLER
The first one.
ULTRAWOMAN
During the Worldkiller incident?
CONTROLLER
No, I mean the second one.
ULTRAWOMAN
Power Man? Yeah, I remember.
CONTROLLER
Well, that was supposed to have
been you. I thought, what better
way to mess with Justice Squad than
to take away their leader - the
only sane one on the team?
(a beat)
But I couldn't do it. The same
reason why I couldn't leave Capeman
dead... or the whole team when you
got blown up.
ULTRAWOMAN
But Quasar and Leonard and
Ultragirl.
CONTROLLER
Oh please. Leonard's still around
in a fashion. Quasar will be back
in the picture in one way or the
other. If you knew anything about
Kingdom Dumb, you'd know that...
ULTRAWOMAN
Kingdom what?
CONTROLLER
Nevermind. And as for Ultragirl,
she was a dead end and wasn't that
good of a character. That was a
mercy kill really.
ULTRAWOMAN
You bastard.
CONTROLLER
And don't get too bent out of
shape, when you're daughter grows
up she'll be the same character,
only less whiney I hope.
ULTRAWOMAN
That is my DAUGHTER you are talking
about.
Ultragirl lands next to her.
ULTRAGIRL
I'm fine, mom. As long as people
still read the old stories I'll be
around.
Capegirl lands next to her.
CAPEGIRL
That's right. I was in some of the
best ones, so I'll be around for a
while.
They both take off. Ultrawoman doesn't follow. She seems in
shock.
ULTRAWOMAN
So why now. If you've had such a
hard time killing me, why have you
done it now?
The Controller leans up against a rail and looks down into
the water.
CONTROLLER
Because this is the end of the
Justice Squad story. Sure, there
may be the occasional mini-series
or feature length script, but this
is the end of the ongoing
serialized story. Five years is an
insanely good run and now I have to
end on a big final note. What's
more final than an important
character's death? Still, I wish
there was time to do some more...
but there's just so precious little
time.
ULTRAWOMAN
Why? Are... Are YOU dying?
CONTROLLER
Me?
(he laughs)
Eventually, yes, but not soon. At
least I hope not. No, I just don't
have the time. I've got a career
now and it's time to put away
childish things, so to speak.
ULTRAWOMAN
So, because you don't have any free
time, I've got to die?
CONTROLLER
To put it bluntly, yeah. Would you
rather float in limbo and
obscurity?
ULTRAWOMAN
(a beat)
YES!!!
CONTROLLER
I don't know...
ULTRAWOMAN
You said you wanted to do more with
me... with Justice Squad? Why not
do it?
CONTROLLER
A question I've asked myself...
which is the reason you're asking
it. Well, this is a peek at what I
would do if I had more time.
I've always thought you needed a
worthy adversary... someone who
stood for the opposite of what you
stand for. He would be a cigar
chomping chauvinist who would want
to chain you to the kitchen stove.
I would call him... Ultraman!
ULTRAMAN leaps over The Controller and crashes into
Ultrawoman, breaking the boardwalk and sending them both into
the cold river. Ultrawoman tries to fly to a better
location, but Ultraman grabs her by the cape and throws her
to shore. The controller is watching from atop the boardwalk
as Ultrawoman and Ultraman fight.
ULTRAMAN
When I'm done with you, I want my
dishes washed!
He punches her. Ultrawoman punches him back sending him into
the river. She unleashes an energy volley on him, turning
the tide of the fight.
CONTROLLER
See what this is? I was thinking
that there was too much dialogue
and not enough action. This is a
nice breakup. I was also thinking
that it would be kind of neat to
take away your powers for a while
and make you deal with it as though
it was a handicap or a disease.
Maybe even a contagious disease
that all your friends would shun
you for fear of loosing their own
powers. I would be an awesome AIDs
anagory and I don't think anyone's
ever done that before.
Ultrawoman's energy blasts flicker out. Ultraman gets up and
advances on her. She tries to fly, but falls back to Earth.
Ultraman grabs her and starts to hit her in the face.
Without her invulnerability, she shows the injuries
horrifically.
CONTROLLER
All right, while this is going on I
have a few things to say. First of
all, my sincere thanks to Jesse
Glaspey, David Hopper, C.A.
Bowen, and everyone else who kept
the dream alive for the last five
years whether you are a
contributor, a reader, or someone
who offered advise that was
smartass, but we took anyway.
Ultrawoman crashes into the tree in the background. She
screams in pain.
CONTROLLER
Excuse me, I'm not finished. Could
you keep it down? I'd like to say
a few words about David Peckinpah.
He was a hack, a terrible writer,
and ruined one of my favorite
shows, but he never once sent us a
cease and desist letter and never
tried to sue us and that made him a
nice guy in my book and I offer my
condolences to his family.
Ultrawoman is picked up by Ultraman and thrown back into the
river.
CONTROLLER
And finally, it wouldn't be right
to end all of this without giving
props to the comic books that offer
their inspiration. They're going
to die out without our help and if
you think that Superman or X-Men
are for kids then you haven't read
them lately. This will be our
mythology in a thousand years.
Visit the comic book defense fund
for more information or just go to
a comic book store and fall in love
all over again. I recommend
Justice League of America and
Justice Society of America because
you just can't beat old school.
Ultrawoman crashes onto the deck at his feet. Her face is
unrecognizable, her lip is split, one of her eyes is missing,
and several of her bones have been shattered. She reaches
for him pathetically for help.
CONTROLLER
Oh, get up. You're fine.
Ultrawoman is suddenly whole again. She sits on the deck in
amazement.
ULTRAWOMAN
This isn't some game, you sadist!
This is my goddamned LIFE!
She throws mud at him. The Controller steps out of the way.
He sighs in sadness.
CONTROLLER
You know, a writer has to be a
sadist to make good drama. A few
years back, someone who read my
stuff called it "twisting the
knife." A writer brings pain,
hurt, and anguish. We hall have to
be a little bastardly.
He offers her a hand. She glares at it, but lets him help
her up.
CONTROLLER
I hoped that by adding violence,
death, and suffering, that it
would make my stories more adult...
more mature. God help us all,
though, if that's what it means to
BE more mature.
There is a long pause. The controller stares out into the
nearby sea.
CONTROLLER
Perhaps we can take a lesson from
that. Perhaps this one time, we
can be kind.
He looks at her.
CONTROLLER
Look, this isn't really working out
the way I wanted it to. It's not
funny, it's not really dramatic...
I don't know what the hell it is.
Go home, Mona. Forget we ever met.
She takes a step toward him. The deck underneath her
collapses and she falls into the water.
INT. THE WATER
Ultrawoman falls into the dark water. Bubbles rise as she
sinks.
DONNER (V.O.)
I have been many things in
Ultrawoman's life. A friend, a
boss, a lover, and a husband...
some of them I wasn't good at and
some of them I was REALLY good at,
am I right ladies? So what can I
say about this remarkable woman
that hasn't already been said?
CUT TO:
INT. JUSTICE SQUAD HQ
Ultrawoman is sitting at the head of the table. Donner,
Capeman, Nightflyer, Colossal Chunk, Cosmic Weasel, Luna,
Blue Wizard, Ultrababy, Bippo, Ivy, Wolfman, and Devour are
also seated. There is food on the table and it appears there
has been quite a party. Donner has his glass raised in a
toast.
DONNER
(Thinks a bit)
She has a HUGE ass!
Everyone laughs. Ultrawoman looks around. Tears start to
well in her eyes.
DONNER
Here's to the woman who saved the
universe. Salute!
EVERYONE
Salute!
CAPEMAN
Honey, is everything okay?
Ultrawoman smiles.
ULTRAWOMAN
Fine. Everything's fine.
Everything's perfect. Just
perfect. I don't even know why I'm
crying.
Wolfman rises to check a beeping on a console. Capeman hugs
Ultrawoman. Ultrawoman grabs Ultrababy and it becomes a
group hug.
Bippo smiles slyly.
BIPPO THE CLOWN
Don't think too much of it,
Ultrawoman. I know why you're
crying.
(he winks at the camera)
Don't I?
The camera pulls back revealing Blue Wizard.
BLUE WIZARD
Are you... winking at me?
WOLFMAN
Hate to break up group hug time,
but it looks like Great Britnia
just went to war with Malevolosia.
Both of them have nukes, so...
NIGHTFLYER
No rest for the wicked.
Everyone gets up and runs for the door. Ivy kicks back and
puts a hand on her pregnant stomach.
IVY
If you blokes don't mind, I think
I'll sit this one out. Baby on
board and all.
LUNA
Do you want to sit this one out,
too Mona? I'm sure we can handle
it.
ULTRAWOMAN
Sit it out, are you kidding?
(a huge smile)
I LOVE this job!
They all run out. The Gary, the professor, and Charlemagne
look on.
GARY THE FANBOY
Still think we're doomed?
THE PROFESSOR
Now more than ever.
EXT. JUSTICE SQUAD HQ
All of Justice Squad runs out of the door - even Donner with
his new Cosmic Stick. They run towards the camera and freeze
in an action pose. They stay frozen as the music swells.
FADE TO:
INT. AN OFFICE
We see the computer screen. The words "They stay frozen as
the music swells" appears on the screen. The camera angels
away from the screen and finds THE CONTROLLER looking
somewhat apprehensive.
CONTROLLER
Is that it? Is that really how I'm
going to end it? Like that? It
just seems too trivial and easy. I
need something dramatic, something
deep, something...
He looks. The picture of his aunt is on his desk looking
back at him. He looks at it, then down in contemplation. He
looks back up at the screen and starts to type.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
Once, when I was young...
THE WINTER SKY - NIGHT
It's a cloudy and cold night. The wind can be heard
whistling as the camera begins to pan down. A few snowflakes
begin to wisp by.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
Christmas was always a big time
around the house when I was little.
Back then, I still believed in
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and
all the crazy things that little
boys are supposed to believe in.
The camera finds a single house. It is boarded up and
completely dark. The yard is overgrown and it is clear that
the house hasn't been used in years.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
Of course, Santa really didn't
exist... or if he did, he never
visited my house.
Instead, dad would pile us in the
car... myself, my two brothers and
my two sisters, and let us ride
around for half an hour as Mom and
my aunt set out the presents on
Christmas Eve. The signal for when
they were ready and when we could
come home, was when the Christmas
lights would be turned on.
A small car drives up. It illuminated the house showing that
the paint is old and faded and cracked.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
Of course, that was my Aunt's
job... her idea, too. A signal - I
learned later on in life when I
stopped believing in fairy tales -
that it was safe... it was safe to
come home and that I would always
be welcomed there.
The door to the car opens. THE CONTROLLER steps out. The
wind blows. Flakes of snow sticks to his hair. The house is
still dark and empty.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
And here I am again some twenty
years later.
He flashes the lights of his car.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
I haven't forgotten about you. I
never have. Not even once. Are
you still there? Please be there.
The house remains dark. Except for the wind blowing, there
are no sound effects. No music. No nothing.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
Darkness. Cold. Nothing else. I
guess it IS easier in their world.
He sighs sadly and sinks back into the car seat. He looks up
at the house.
CONTROLLER (V.O.)
Good-bye.
The car drives away. The light from the headlamps fades
sending the old house into pitch darkness.
We hold on this for several seconds.
Suddenly, the house is illuminated by hundreds and hundreds
of Christmas lights of every color in the rainbow turning the
solitary and lonely picture into one of celebration and
warmth.
Hold for several seconds.
FADE OUT:
THE END
JUSTICE SQUAD
Episode 5.43
"Come What May"
Written by Jason Donner
See you in outer space.