FADE IN

INT: CURCUS, CIRCUS
LIAM SMITH has just finished loosing a game of blackjack to a gambler
when THAD COFFEY walks up to him.

		THAD
	How much you loose this time?

		LIAM
	150,000 Dollars.

		THAD
	Hey, you're improving!

DONNER approaches.

		DONNER
	Hey, Liam.
		[looks at Thad]
	Hey, dogboy.

		LIAM
	Don!  We never see you in Circus, Circus 
	anymore!  What brings you here today?  Where 
	have you been lately?

		DONNER
	Oh, I've been working on a little something 
	special that I'm sure you'll be reading about 
	in the near future.  I just don't have time 
	to stop by this place that often anymore.

		THAD
		[sarcastically]
	Oh, that's a shame.

Donner puts his hand to his ear.

		DONNER
	Hey, what's that high pitched noise?  Why, I 
	think it's a dog whistle!  Thad, I think someone's 
	calling you!

Thad rolls up his sleeve and gets ready to take his werewolf patch off.

		THAD
	Okay, THAT'S IT!

Liam stops him.

		LIAM
	No, Thad!

		THAD
	C'mon!  No one will blame me!  Just let me wolf 
	out and kill him!

		LIAM
	No, Thad! It's wrong!

		DONNER
	Yeah, DOWN BOY!  HEAL!

Donner takes a rolled-up newspaper and beats Thad on the head with it.

		DONNER
	Bad dog!  Bad, bad dog!

		LIAM
	Donner!  Stop making fun of Thad!  I'm sure that 
	if you were a werewolf, he wouldn't make fun of 
	you!

		THAD
	Actually, I would.

		LIAM
	Shut up, Thad.  Donner...  Thad has a condition 
	and it's not nice to make fun of it.  I mean, 
	would you make fun of a deaf person or a blind 
	person?  What about retards?  Who you make fun 
	of them?

		DONNER
	Gee... I never thought of it that way.  Thad, 
	do you forgive me?

		THAD
	I suppose I can.

		DONNER
	Seriously, can you tell me something?  Now, 
	be totally honest with me.

		THAD
	Okay.

		DONNER
	Is licking your own balls as fun as it looks?

		THAD
	Well, it has it's mo--
		[he stops]
	That's not funny.

SENESTRA MALEVOULOUS walks up to them.

		SENESTRA
	Okay, people!  What's going on here and why 
	aren't you making me money!?

		DONNER
	Holy God!  It's the chick who kidnapped me a 
	couple of months ago!  Get here away from me!  
	Someone protect me!  Save me!  Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Donner hides behind Thad.

		THAD
	Donner, she's our boss.

		DONNER
	She's trying to take over the world!

		LIAM
	Yeah, but she's our boss, man!  You're going to 
	get us in trouble!

		DONNER
	She's a supervillian... but she's your boss too?  
	That doesn't make any sense!  It's not logical!  
	It's...
		[Donner grabs his head in pain]
	GOD!  I gotta get out of here!

Donner leaves.

		SENESTRA
	Well, now that HE'S gone...  I've got a job for 
	you two fellahs.

		LIAM
	What?

		SENESTRA
	The gamblers in the left wing of the casino have 
	been complaining about a ghost who's been running 
	them out of here.  I want you two to find this 
	ghost and ask it to leave.

		LIAM
	G-G-G-Ghost!?

		SENESTRA
	No, a Ghost with only one "G".

		THAD
	You can count on us, ma'am.

		SENESTRA
	Good, I'll be in touch.

Senestra leaves.  Liam grabs Thad by the collar.

		LIAM
	Thad, are you out of that skull of yours?  You 
	and me against a really-real ghost?  Oh, man!  
	We're so spanked!

		THAD
	Relax, Liam... I've got a friend who knows a 
	friend who has a cousin who went to school with 
	a guy who had an affair with this secretary who 
	used to work for this old man who was buried in 
	a cemetery that was tended by this other old man 
	who once heard about these teens who just might 
	be able to help us!

		LIAM
	Teens?  What kind of teens would be able to help 
	us get rid of a ghost!?  N-damn-Sync!

		THAD
	Just leave it to me, Liam.  Leave it to me.

Liam and Thad walk off to a pay phone.  As they walk out of frame, a
GHOSTLY GAMBLER looks around a corner at them and snarls.

		GHOSTLY GAMBLER
	Heh... Heh... Heh...

MUSIC STING

FADE OUT

------------------------------------------------------------------------
THEME SONG (Sung to the theme of "Scooby Doo")

Scooby Dooby Doo, 
get a clue.
You're on the Liam Smith Show.
This ain't no place be,
For you will see,
It will only cause you more woe.

There's a mystery afoot out there on the Las Vegas strip
Ain't that a trip!?
And Scooby Doo whatever you do,
be sure to leave your waitress a big tip.
If she don't give no lip!

Scooby Dooby Doo,
The episode's new,
It's newer than the last one.
So sit back and relax,
or lay on your backs.
I really don't give a fat crap.

OLÉ!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

STARRING

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

Ed Asner
as
"Mister Hilter"

GUEST STARRING

Michael Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"

Marina Sirtis
as
"Senestra Malevolous"

RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"

David Peckinpah
as
"Satan"

and
Jason Donner
as
"Donner"

SPECIAL GUEST STARS

Robert Duncan McNeil
as
"Freddy"

Julia Roberts
as
"Daphnie"

Janeane Garofalo
as
"Thelma"

and 
Kevin Bacon
as
"Shaggy"



FADE IN:

EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP - DAY
Out of all of the traffic on the busy street, one vehicle in particular
stands out.  It is THE MYSTERY MACHINE.

INT. THE MYSTERY MACHINE
FREDDY is driving, THELMA is in the passenger seat, DAPHNIE is sitting
between them, and SHAGGY in the back seat with an elaborate and
expensive computer generated SCOOBY DOO.

		SHAGGY
	Like, dig this crazy architecture, man.

		DAPHNIE
	Las Vegas is beautiful.  Tacky and gawdy, 
	but still beautiful.

		FRED
	That's right, Daphnie.  If we've got time 
	after checking out the mystery in Circus, 
	Circus maybe we can take out the Mystery 
	Machine and check out the Hoover dam!

		SHAGGY
	Like, the only "take out" I'm interested in 
	is Chinese!  I'm starving, man!

		SCOOBY
	Reah!  Rarving!

		THELMA
	There they go again.  Always thinking with 
	their stomachs!

There is a moaning sound.

		FRED
	Really, Shaggy!  If you're that hungry we'll 
	eat once we get there!

		SHAGGY
	Like, that wasn't me!

		THELMA
	Scooby?

		SCOOBY
	Ruh-uh!  Rot re!

More moaning.

		THELMA
	We're is that coming from?

		DAPHINE
	Hey!  I think it's coming from the glove 
	compartment!

Daphnie opens the glove compartment and SCRAPPY DOO tumbles into her
lap.

		SCRAPPY
	Hi guys!

Everyone in the van moans.

		SHAGGY
		[rolls eyes]
	Oh, great...  it's Scrappy.

		SCOOBY
	Run of a rich!

		FRED
	Scrappy!  What are you doing here!?  We left at 
	home for a reason!

		SCRAPPY
	What reason?

		FRED
	No one likes you!
	
		SCOOBY
	Reah!  Rou rittle rit!

		SCRAPPY
	Aw, c'mon!  Everybody loves me!  Right, Uncle 
	Scooby?

Scooby glares at Scrappy.

		FRED
	Well it's too late to take the little sh... uh, 
	I mean... the little scamp home now.  We're here.

EXT: CIRCUS, CIRCUS
The Mystery Machine pulls up and Liam and Thad is there waiting to greet
them.  The gang gets out of the van.

		THAD
	Hello!  You must be the fellows from Mysteries Inc.

		FRED
	I'm Fred.  That's Daphnie, Thelma, Shaggy, 
	Scooby-Doo, and Scrappy too.

		LIAM
	Nice scarves.  Very 1975.

		DAPHNIE
	Thanks.  You're sweet.

		THELMA
	Okay, first thing's first. Show us where the 
	Ghostly Gambler was last seen.

		THAD
	Right.  Come with us.

INT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS
Liam, Thad, and the Scooby-Doo gang enter the room in question.  MISTER
HILTER is already there with a magnifying glass looking for clues.

		LIAM
	This is where they last saw the ghost.

		SHAGGY
	Like, who's the guy with the magnifying glass?

		LIAM
	Oh, that's Mister Hilter.  He's really good at 
	solving mysteries and he wanted to come and help.

Hilter goes over to them.

		HILTER
	Here's what I've managed to uncover so far.  
	One:  This is not a supernatural entity.  
	There's no spike in the electromagnetic EM fields 
	or any of the signature cold spots in the room.  
	Secondly, given the timing of this so-called 
	"haunting" with the peak time in Circus, Circus' 
	business year, I would say that we're dealing 
	with one single individual with a vendetta against 
	this casino.  All we have to do now is figure out 
	who that person is.

Scooby and the gang stare at him blankly.

		HILTER
	Well, you're the experts!  What do you suggest 
	we do now?

		FRED
	Let's...  Let's split up and search for clues!

		HILTER
	Split up?  But I don't see how that will...

		FRED
	Scooby, Scrappy, and Shaggy will go with Liam; 
	Mister Hilter will go with Daphnie and Thelma; 
	and I'll go with Thad.

Daphnie looks at Fred and pouts her lips.

		FRED
	On second thought, Thad, Mister Hilter, and Thelma 
	will go together while Daphnie and I will look for 
	clues ourselves.

Fred and Daphnie grab each other's hand and skip away into the distance. 
Mister Hilter sighs.

		HILTER
	Okay.  I suggest we go over the records of this 
	casino checking out any hostile takeover attempts 
	or recent terrorists threats.  The specter of 
	industrial espionage shouldn't be overlooked either.

Hilter, Thelma, and Thad leave.

		SHAGGY
	Like, where can we get some food?

		LIAM
	Oh.  Come with me.

Scooby, Liam, Scrappy, and Shaggy walk off.  As they do, the Ghostly
Gambler's head appears from behind a corner and laughs.

		GHOSTLY GAMBLER
	Heh... Heh... Heh...!

INT. SENESTRA MALEVOULOUS' OFFICE
Senestra is going over her latest plan to take over the world with her
half-witted henchman, ROCK and TANK.

		SENESTRA
	...and when the mega-cannon is set to full 
	power, it will instantly serialized every man 
	in the world unless all of the governments give 
	complete and total control of the Earth to me!

		TANK
	Dah... Does that go for us too?

		SENESTRA
	Yes, but I think I'll be doing humanity a favor 
	by not allowing the two of you to reproduce.

There is a knock at the door.

		SENESTRA
	Aw, hell!  Come in!

Hilter, Thad, and Thelma enter.

		THELMA
	Forgive the intrusion, ma'am, but we need to 
	look at your records for the casino to see if 
	we can find out who's behind the Ghostly Gambler.

		SENESTRA
	Tank!  Rock!  Go get the hotel records!

		ROCK
	Duh... O'tay, Miss Malevoulous.

Rock and Tank leave.

		SENESTRA
	Well, do you have any suspects yet?

		THELMA
	There's a really creepy janitor on the third 
	floor and the operator of the amusement park is 
	always a good bet.

		SENESTRA
	I understand.  I will have them liquidated 
	immediately.

		THAD
	Bill Gates too.

		SENESTRA
	Is he a suspect?

		THAD
	No, but I'd love to see him liquidated.

Suddenly, the Ghostly Gambler busts in through the door wielding a
chainsaw.

		GHOSTLY GAMBLER
	DIE, SCUM!!!

		HILTER, THELMA, THAD, & SENESTRA
	Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

MUSIC STING

FADE OUT

------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK

Coming Summer 2000!

When evil rears it's ugly head...  When all hope seems lost...  When
there are lives to be saved...  when there are crimes to stop... Where
there is a buck to be made...  he'll be there!

CAPEMAN: THE MOVIE!
(Not coming soon to a theater near you.  Watch for it this summer right
here on THE LIAM SMITH SHOW!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FADE IN

INT. THE PARKING GARAGE
Scooby, Shaggy, Scrappy, and Liam are walking along eating cotton candy.

		SHAGGY
	Like, that midway food really hit the spot!

		LIAM
	No kidding.  Don't you guys think we should 
	hunt for clues now?

		SCRAPPY
	Yeah!  Let's find that old Ghostly Gambler 
	and splat him!  I'll give 'em a THIS and a THAT 
	and a...

		SCOOBY
	Rod-Rammit!  Rill rou rut the rell up!?

Suddenly, footsteps echo throughout the garage.

		SHAGGY
		[whimpering]
	W-What's that?
	
		LIAM
	I-I-I don't know.

Suddenly, the ghostly gambler jumps down from the ceiling and lands in
front of them.

		GHOSTLY GAMBLER
	I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!

		SHAGGY
	Zoinks!  Run for it, guys!

Liam, Scooby, and Shaggy run off.  Scrappy stays behind, jumping up and
down with his fists raised.

		SCRAPPY
	Let me at 'em!  I'll splat 'em!  Let me at 'em!

Scooby grabs Scrappy and runs away.

ANOTHER PART OF THE GARAGE
Liam, Shaggy, Scooby, and Scrappy run towards the camera.

		SHAGGY
	Look!  It's the Mystery Machine!  Let's hide in 
	there!

All of them jump into the front seat of the Mystery Machine and lock the
doors.

		LIAM
	You think we lost him?

		SCOOBY
	Rye rink so!

BAM!  The ghostly gambler jumps on the hood of the mystery machine and
starts trying to bust the windshield in with a sledgehammer.

		SHAGGY
	Zoinks!

Shaggy starts the Mystery Machine and guns it out of the parking garage
with the Ghostly Gambler still holding on.

		SHAGGY
	Oh, man!  This is not cool!  Not cool!

Freddy and Daphnie rise out of the back seat buttoning their clothes. 
Both of them have mussed hair and Fred has lipstick smears up and down
his face.

		FRED
	What the heck is going on!?

		SHAGGY
	Fred? Daphnie?  What are you two Doing in here 
	all alone?

		DAPHNIE
	Oh!  We... uh... We were looking for the ghost!

		LIAM
	In the van?

		FRED
		[points to ghostly gambler]
	We found him, didn't we!?

EXT. THE VEGAS STRIP
The Mystery Machine careens madly down the street and out of Las Vegas.

INT. THE MYSTERY MACHINE
The ghostly Gambler pounds on the windshield with the sledge hammer. 
The gang screams.

		LIAM
	What are we going to do!?

		SHAGGY
	Like, let's offer him Scrappy!  Maybe then he'll 
	leave us alone!

		SCRAPPY
	Hey!

		FRED
	All those in favor of offering Scrappy as a 
	sacrifice to save our lives?

		EVERYONE BUT SCRAPPY
	Yeah!

		SCRAPPY
	What!?

Daphnie picks up Scrappy by the collar.

		DAPHNIE
	Sorry, Scrappy, but it's a dog eat dog world!

Daphnie chunks Scrappy out the window.

		DAPHNIE
	Oh look, Freddy!  It's Hoover Dam!

EXT. THE MYSTERY MACHINE
The van races over Hoover Dam and Lake Mead.  Scrappy's collar has
gotten hung on the back bumper and he is being dragged down the road. 
The Ghostly Gambler continues to beat on the windshield with a
sledgehammer.  Finally, the glass breaks.

INT. THE MYSTERY MACHINE
The glass breaks and the Ghostly Gambler gets inside.  Shaggy covers his
eyes taking his hands off the wheel.

		LIAM
	Shaggy!  The steering wheel!  Steer the van!

		SHAGGY
	Like, I'm too scared!  You do it!

Shaggy rips the steering wheel out of the console and hands it to Liam.

EXT. HOOVER DAM
The Mystery Machine swerves madly down the road on top of the dam. 
Finally, the van swerves off the road and crashes into Lake Mead.

INT. THE MYSTERY MACHINE
Water floods the van.

		LIAM
	Everybody!  Get out!

EXT. HOOVER DAM
Liam, Shaggy, Fred, and Scooby get out of the sinking Mystery Machine
and swim towards the shore.  The Ghostly Gambler surfaces.

		GHOSTLY GAMBLER
	Help!  I can't swim!

Fred swims back and grabs the drowning ghost.

THE MYSTERY MACHINE
The van is sinking.  On the back bumper, Scrappy is still stuck.

		SCRAPPY
	Uh, guys?  Guys?

The gang ignores him as they reach the shore.

The van begins to pull Scrappy under in a scene resembling the climax of
Cape Fear.  Scrappy is submerged to his neck, then to his eyes,
then he disappears under the water.

EXT. THE SHORE
Scooby, Shaggy, Liam, Fred, Daphnie, and the Ghostly Gambler make it to
safety.

		LIAM
	Wow!  You lost the Mystery Machine under Lake 
	Mead!

		FRED
	But the important thing is... no one got hurt.

		SHAGGY
	What about Scrappy?

		FRED
	Okay, no one important got hurt.

		SCOOBY
	Reah!  Row rone rimportant!  Hee hee hee hee!

		DAPHNIE
	Now, let's get this Ghostly Gambler back to 
	Circus Circus and see who he really is!

About that time, a pink Volkswagen Beetle pulls up and CHOCOLATE TREAT
climbs out.

		CHOCOLATE TREAT
	Liam, honey, is that you?

		LIAM
	I think we just found our ride.

FADE OUT

------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK

- Between Love and Honor lies... Obsession by Calvin Kline.
- Say hello to Neon.  Hi.
- Carnival Cruises: Just one Wacky Shipwreck Waiting to Happen!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FADE IN

EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS
Chocolate Treat's car pulls up and Liam, Shaggy, Fred, Daphnie, and The
Ghostly Gambler get out.

		SHAGGY
	Wow!  You really do that for money!?

		CHOCOLATE TREAT
	Beats McDonalds, honey!  Here's my card.

Chocolate Treat hands Shaggy a card.

INSERT SHOT: THE CARD

CHOCOLATE TREAT
SEXUAL ENTERTAINMENT TECHNICIAN
1-800-EASY-SCORE

		SHAGGY
	Well... Er... Thanks.

		CHOCOLATE TREAT
	See you around you skinny hunk-a man, you!

Chocolate Treat drives off.

		SHAGGY
	Great!  Where can I get five-hundred dollars 
	before we leave?  I swear, I'm destined to 
	stay a virgin till the day I die.

		LIAM
	I know the feeling.

INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS
Fred, Liam, Shaggy, Scooby, and the Ghostly Gambler enter.

		FRED
	Hello?  Thelma?  Mister Hilter?  Thad?  Are 
	you in here?

		THELMA'S VOICE
	In here, Fred!

INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
Thelma and Thad are there.  Liam, Fred, Daphnie, Shaggy, and Scooby
enter.

		SHAGGY
	Like, you're not going to believe this!  We 
	caught the Ghostly Gambler!

		THELMA
	YOU caught the Ghostly Gambler?

		DAPHNIE
	Yeah.

		THAD
	Then who the hell is this?

Thad points to the corner where ANOTHER GHOSTLY GAMBLER had been tied
and gagged.

		SCOOBY
	Rhat the...?

		SHAGGY
	Two of 'em?

		LIAM
	There were TWO Ghostly Gamblers?

		FRED
	I guess that's how the ghost appeared to be in 
	more than one place at once!  How'd you catch him?

		THELMA
	With a trap!  We lured him into an abandoned 
	room where we rigged a giant cage to trap him.

Senestra and Mister Hilter enter with YET ANOTHER GHOSTLY GAMBLER.

		HILTER
	Look what WE got!

Hilter and Senestra see the other two Ghostly Gamblers.

		SENESTRA
	What the hell!?

		LIAM
	There's three of them!  Why!?

		FRED
	There's only one way to find out!

Fred takes the mask off of one of the Gamblers revealing him to be...

		Senestra
	ROCK!!!  Then... This one must be...

Senestra removes the mask off of another gambler.

		SENESTRA
	TANK!!!  You two were behind this campaign 
	of terror?

		TANK
	No!

		ROCK
	Not us!

		TANK
	We just put on costumes and scared people!

		SENESTRA
	Rock... Tank... I'm very disappointed in 
	you both.  Why did you do it?

		TANK
	Because of your super mega-cannon!

		ROCK
	We didn't want to become sterile!

		TANK
	So we decided to scare everyone out of Circus 
	Circus and make it so you didn't have enough 
	money and then you couldn't build it.

		SENESTRA
	I see... Well, this leave me no recourse but 
	to punish you.

		TANK
	Aw, not another testicle crush!

Senestra pulls out a pair of pliers.

		SENESTRA
	Both of you.  Come on.

Senestra leaves.  Rock and Tank lower their heads and follow.

		LIAM
	So who is the third Ghostly Gambler?

Fred removes the mask.

		LIAM
	DONNER!?

		DONNER
	Yeah, I was the Ghostly Gambler!   And I would 
	have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you 
	meddling kids!

		LIAM
	But why, Donner!?  Why?

		DONNER
	Why?  I'll tell you why!  First of all, that 
	special project I've been working on is a new 
	casino.  Problem is, I can't make a profit until 
	one Casino in Las Vegas folds.  I chose this one 
	because I've got a score to settle with Senestra 
	Malevoulous because she tried to kill me when 
	she thought I was Capeman!  So now you know, 
	Liam, now you know!

		LIAM
	This is terrible!  Now you're going to go to 
	jail!

		DONNER
		[Scoffs]
	No I won't.  I own the justice system in this 
	town, remember?  I can't go to jail, I'm rich!  
	Besides... I was never here! Bwaaaa ha, ha, ha, 
	ha, haaaaaaa!!!

Donner throws down a pellet which erupts in a huge cloud of smoke.  The
smoke clears and Donner is still standing there.

		DONNER
	Oh, screw all of you.

Donner walks out the door.

		HILTER
	Well, I guess the mystery is solved now.  If 
	you'll excuse me, I have an episode of Matlock 
	at home with my name on it.

Hilter leaves.

		FRED
	I can definitely say this is one of the 
	stupidest cases we've ever cracked.

		DAPHNIE
	So what do we do now, Fred?

		FRED
	I'd like to explore the grand canyon.

		DAPHNIE
	But Fred, it's a hundred miles away!

Fred makes eyebrows at Daphnie who takes the hint.

		DAPHNIE
	Riiiiiiiight.

Fred and Daphnie take each other's hand and skip away.

		THAD
	Well, I'm going to go and waste time in 
	the theme park.
		[to Thelma]
	Would you like to come and ride the rollercoaster, 
	little boy?

		THELMA
	I'm not a little boy!

		THAD
	Sure you're not.

Thad and Thelma leave.

		LIAM
	Well, what do you guys want to do?

Scooby and Shaggy look at each other and grin.

INT. MCDONALDS
Shaggy, Scooby, and Liam are pigging out on Big Macs.

		SHAGGY
	Las Vegas is the greatest city in the world!  
	Let's make a toast!

Shaggy raises his cup.

		SHAGGY
	To life without Scrappy Doo!

		LIAM
	Stupid dog.

		SCOOBY
	Reah! Ruck Rappy!  Scooby-Dooby-Doooooooooooo!!!

FADE OUT

FADE IN
THE BOTTOM OF LAKE MEAD
The Mystery Machine rests silently on the surface and the body of
Scrappy Doo bobs silently in the water.  A red portal opens and SATAN
appears.

		SATAN
	Scrappy Doo!  Awaken!

Scrappy comes back to life.

		SCRAPPY
	What the...?

		SATAN
	Do you want revenge, Scrappy Doo?  Come with me!  
	Come, and we shall see the destruction of the one 
	who did this to you!  Come, join our army and we 
	shall do what I have long since dreamed of doing...  
	We will drag Liam Smith's soul to hell where he 
	will burn forever!

		SCRAPPY
	Tah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!  Puppy Power!  I'm 
	with you!

Satan laughs maniacally and he and Scrappy disappear in a blaze of
hellfire.

MENACING MUSIC
FADE OUT

ROLL CREDITS