THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 1.23: "The Big Ones, Part One"
Written by Jason Donner
PREVIOUSLY ON THE LIAM SMITH SHOW...
Episode 2.21: "Booby Trap"
GARY THE FANBOY and STACY VaVOOM are having a big fight.
GARY
You're breaking up with me?
STACY
Yes, Gary... we're THROUGH!
And now, the continuation...
EXT. LAS VEGAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
A plane lands on the runway and taxis into the terminal.
INT. LAS VEGAS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
DONNER is standing in the terminal as the plane disembarks behind him.
DONNER
...so, Capeman's in Hollywood, right? He's made this deal to
make a movie that's going to be out this summer. Anyway, I'm
dealing with THAT when all of the sudden, I get this call from
Universal to meet one of their stars at the airport.
[a pause]
No... I don't know who it is.
A hand taps him on the shoulder.
DONNER
Not now... Not now.
Camera pans around and we see that it is lovely quasi-actress KARI WUHRER.
KARI WUHRER
Excuse me...
Donner doesn't even bother to look and see who it is.
DONNER
Just a second, lady.
[a pause]
Okay... Okay... Right. Right. Okay... thanks for lending me an
ear, man.
[a pause]
What's that?
[a pause]
Oh right... uh... make it a large pepperoni stuffed-crust and an
order of those little bread-stick things. Thanks... buh-bye.
Donner hangs up the phone and turns around to face Kari Wuhrer.
DONNER
Now, what do you...
He sees her.
DONNER
Wha... Wha... Wha... Wha...!
KARI WUHRER
Hi, I'm Kari Wuhrer.
DONNER
Wha...!
KARI WUHRER
You must be Donner. Universal told me that you'd meet me here.
DONNER
Big...!
KARI WUHRER
I've been meaning to come to Las Vegas for a while, but you know
how things are. Work gets in the way and you grow apart from
the one you... Look, I'm sure you don't want to hear the
details and all, but I have business here and there's someone...
I want to see. You understand, don't you?
DONNER
[snaps out of it]
Huh? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I was staring at your
breasts.
KARI WUHRER
Oh, you're sweet!
DONNER
So, who exactly are you here to see? Anyone I know?
KARI WUHRER
I think so. I was wondering if you could tell me where I could
find a man named Liam Smith.
DONNER
Well, I can't show you to a man... but I can show you to an
amusing approximation of one.
Kari Wuhrer and a drooling Donner join arms and walk out the terminal.
INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS CASINO
THAD COFFEY, BIPPO THE CLOWN, and LIAM SMITH are at their usual hangout when
SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS appears in a puff of smoke. The Imperial March from Star
Wars plays as all three of them turn around and look at her.
SENESTRA
Hello, my little squirrels.
LIAM, THAD, & BIPPO
Hello, Miss Malevolous.
SENESTRA
Let me tell you about my day: First, I woke up and had a nice
breakfast of sausage, eggs, toast, and a big glass of Orange
Juice.
BIPPO
Minute Maid or Sunny Delight?
SENESTRA
Minute Maid, of course.
BIPPO
Oh, to live the good life!
SENESTRA
After breakfast I watched my soaps and took a nice hot
bubblebath. After that, I delivered an ultimatum against New
Zealand.... surrender control of your government or you'll never
see Lucy Lawless again! Next, I had a strawberry weight-
watchers shake for lunch and found out that Circus Circus made a
couple of hundred dollars less this month than we did last
month. This concerns me.
LIAM
Why? I mean, how much does Circus Circus make in a month?
Twenty million?
SENESTRA
Twenty million three hundred forty-two thousand one hundred four
dollars and twenty-nine cents... but who's counting? Now,
normally... a dip of two hundred dollars would be nothing to a
casino like this, but then I remembered that I'm a evil dictator
bent on world domination and, well... long story short: your
fired. All three of you.
LIAM
We...!? We're fired!? But...!?
SENESTRA
Now now, Liam. My mind is made up.
Senestra ascends a staircase up to her office.
THAD
You can't do this to us!
SENESTRA
Oh?
THAD
You can't just fire us because of a minuscule deficit! That is
so... petty!
SENESTRA
I was SO hoping for this.
Senestra holds up a walkie-talkie and presses the 'speak' button.
SENESTRA
Rock... Tank... Release the hounds!
INT. ANOTHER PART OF CIRCUS CIRCUS
ROCK and TANK open a pair of cages and ten FEROCIOUS ROTWEILERS and one ANGRY
CHIHUAHUA charge out and head for Liam, Thad, and Bippo.
INT. THE CASINO
The dogs run past Liam, Bippo, and Thad and begins savagely attacking the
casino patrons. A showgirls runs by with the Chihuahua attacking his head.
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS'S OFFICE
Senestra, Rock, and Tank watch the savage dog attacks on a security monitor.
SENESTRA
I knew I should have put more thought into this attack
hound thing. Ah well, it's time for my manicure.
Senestra, Rock, and Tank walk away.
EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS
Thad, Liam, and Bippo walk out the front door. Inside, the dogs are still
attacking the patrons.
THAD
This SUCKS! I can't believe we're all fired!
BIPPO
Yep... Looks like it's back to selling Avon for me.
LIAM
NO! This is wrong in the wrongest way! We're part of a union,
after all!
THAD
What are you suggesting?
LIAM
I'm not suggesting anything, I'm saying we have rights as
workers and we don't have to take this crap! I'm saying we do
what the workers at the Frontier did! We picket Circus Circus
until we're hired again! As GOD is my witness... we will never
be unemployed again!
Thad and Bippo start clapping.
FADE OUT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THEME SONG
(sung to the theme of "I feel the earth move")
I feel the earth move under my feet,
I see Las Vegas tumblin' down.
I feel the sidewalks tremblin'
With that rumblin' sound!
Oh baby, yes you guessed it!
There's no need to explain...
It's the season finale baby!
Oh oh oh.
Oh oh oh. Yeah...
OLÉ!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
STARRING
Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"
Ed Asner
as
"Mister Hilter"
GUEST STARRING
Billy Blanks
as
"Tank"
Cameron Diaz
as
"Stacy VaVoom"
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"
John Goodman
as
"Elvis"
Neil Patrick Harris
as
"Gary the Fanboy"
Dolph Lungren
as
"Rock"
RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"
Marina Sirtis
as
"Senestra Malevolous"
The Stick
as
"Harry the Handyman"
Betty White
as
"Doris Winchester"
and
Jason Donner
as
"Donner"
AND SPECIAL GUEST STAR
Kari Wuhrer
as
"Herself"
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam, Bippo, and Thad are hard at work on picketing signs. MISTER HILTER
enters.
LIAM, BIPPO, & THAD
Hi, Mister Hitler.
HILTER
HIL-TUR! HILTER! What are you boys up to?
LIAM
We just got unjustly fired from Circus Circus!
HILTER
Unjustly? That terrible!
BIPPO
Yeah, when I get fired I want it to be for a justifiable reason
like a fire, murder, or taking a whiz on the carpet!
THAD
So we're all going on strike!
HILTER
Admirable, boys... Admirable.
LIAM
Well, I guess we're finished here.
Liam, Thad, and Bippo pick up their signs and head for the door.
HILTER
I'm doing a radon check in all the apartments. I'll lock up
after you.
LIAM
Thanks, Mister Hitler.
They leave.
HILTER
HILTER! HIL-- Well, if they haven't gotten it right before
now...
Mister Hilter goes to the center of the room and smells around.
HILTER
Nope... no radon in here. Well... I'M done!
He starts to exits as GARY THE FANBOY enters.
GARY
Liam, I... Oh! Mister Hilter! I thought Liam was home.
HILTER
He just left.
GARY
Darn! After my recent breakup with Stacy, I wanted to get some
advice from someone who has less luck with women than I do.
HILTER
Stacy still not talking to you?
GARY
No. I saw her in the hallway about an hour ago and all she did
was give me the finger. Deep down, though, I think she still
feels something for me.
STACY VaVOOM walks in.
STACY
Liam, are you home?
Stacy sees Gary.
STACY
What are YOU doing in here you short vomitous pile of phlegm?
GARY
I was going to ask Liam a question!
STACY
Nuh-uh! Liam is MY friend! I've known him longer!
GARY
Oh, come on! We can at least share friends, can't we?
STACY
No. I don't want to share anything with you and while we're on
the subject... QUIT BREATHING MY OXYGEN!!!
GARY
Stacy... do you feel anything for me anymore? Anything at all?
STACY
Yes, Gary... I do. I feel loathing, revulsion, and the
sickening feeling that I kissed those zits that line your mouth.
GARY
You're mean!
Gary exits crying.
STACY
What do you think, Mr. Hilter? Do you think I was too hard on
him?
HILTER
After running off and getting married to Carmen Electra like he
did, he deserved it... even if he DID end up getting divorced
five minutes later when Carmen decided she wanted to marry
Dennis Rodman again.
STACY
I don't know... I look at that pathetic little face and my
heart... it melts.
HILTER
Don't tell me you... you still LOVE Gary the Fanboy!
STACY
Oh, it's true! It's true! I do still love him.
Stacy collapses into Hilter's arms crying.
HILTER
Oh, Jesus.
STACY
[sobbing]
Huh?
HILTER
I said... Easy, it'll be okay.
Donner enters with Kari Wuhrer.
DONNER
Yo, Liam! I got someone here to see you!
Donner sees Stacy and Hilter.
DONNER
Whoa! We interrupting something?
HILTER
Liam's not here. He, Thad, and Bippo are picketing Circus
Circus for firing them.
KARI WUHRER
[to Donner]
It's important that I see him... I HAVE to see him!
DONNER
And don't you worry your lovely vacant head about it, Kari.
I'll take you there personally.
CHOCOLATE TREAT enters. Her hair is slightly mussed.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Who is the driver of the red Dodge Viper with the vanity license
plate that reads "DONNER".
DONNER
I am. Why?
CHOCOLATE TREAT
I'm afraid it's been in a little accident.
Chocolate Treat hands a detached steering wheel to Donner.
DONNER
My baby! What happened to it!? WHAT DID YOU DO!?
CHOCOLATE TREAT
All I can say is, you shouldn't have parked it where you did.
DONNER
WHERE!? In a marked PARKING SPACE!
CHOCOLATE TREAT
It was in my way!
Donner advances on Chocolate Treat, about to choke her to death.
KARI WUHRER
Oh dear... how are we going to get to Liam now?
DONNER
We'll take Chocolate Treat's car. After all, she's the reason I
don't HAVE a car now!
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Yeah, we COULD take my car... but... uh... well... it... kinda
blew up.
Everyone looks at the window where a large plume of smoke can be seen.
HILTER
Donner, didn't you park next to my car?
DONNER
Yeah. Why?
There is another explosion. A tire from Mister Hilter's car crashes through
the window.
HILTER
Crap. Stacy, do you have a car we can use?
STACY
[crying]
No... they pollute!
DONNER
Swell! Then we're all stranded here! Thank you, everyone...
ELVIS and DORIS WINCHESTER enter.
ELVIS
Goodness gracious... great balls of fire!
DORIS
What's with the fiery explosions outside?
DONNER
Doris, do YOU have a car?
DORIS
Yes. Why?
DONNER
I have to get Kari Wuhrer to Circus Circus, pronto! It's for
Kari!
HILTER
Wait! I need a ride, too!
DORIS
Well, it looks like I'm running a taxi service. Where do you
need to go, Mister Hitler?
DONNER
Now wait just a...!
HILTER
I need to go by city hall and drop off the results of my radons
tests!
DORIS
That should be fine. Anyone else need a ride?
CHOCOLATE TREAT
I need to go downtown and get a lawyer to sue Donner for parking
in my way.
DONNER
You BITCH!
STACY
I want to come too... I don't think I should be left alone right
now.
DONNER
But!
KARI WUHRER
Oh, lighten up, Donner! This will be fun... kind of like a
field trip!
DONNER
Yeah, the KILLING fields!
Everyone files out the door leaving Elvis standing there alone.
ELVIS
I'll be right here, then.
[mumbling]
Not enough blankety-blank screen time...
FADE OUT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
- ...get a piece of the rock!
- ...built Ford tough.
- ...for all of your two-thousand parts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS
Liam, Bippo, and Thad are marching up and down the sidewalk in front of the
casino holding picket signs. This looks funny because there are only the
three of them picketing. Liam's sign reads "CIRCUS CIRCUS SUCKS SUCKS",
Thad's sign reads, "EMPLOYEES ARE NOT EXPENDABLE", and Bippo's reads "HONK IF
YOU'RE HORNY". Thad throws his sign down.
THAD
This is STUPID! If there were a few more people out here with
us, maybe we MIGHT have a chance... but there's only THREE of
us, DAMMIT!
LIAM
Come on, Thad! This worked for the workers at the Frontier.
BIPPO
I'm tired! We've been walking in circles for half an hour! How
long did those workers at the Frontier strike?
LIAM
Four...
THAD
FOUR HOURS!? That's way too long!
LIAM
They didn't strike for four hours.
THAD
That's a relief.
LIAM
They striked for four years.
BIPPO
That's crazy!
THAD
No WAY am I striking for the next four years! I have places to see,
things to go, and people to do!
LIAM
Look, I know it seems like this is futile, but we're really
making an impact here! We're sending a message to Circus Circus
management.
THAD
What's the message, Liam? We are a bunch of morons?
LIAM
I'm sure that's not it!
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE
Senestra is watching the guys picket from her window.
SENESTRA
What a bunch of morons.
EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS
As before. The guys are sitting on the curb. HARRY THE HANDYMAN walks up.
HARRY
Hello Liam. Hello Bippo. Hello Thad. What are you guys doing
out here?
LIAM
We're on strike.
THAD
...cause we got fired.
BIPPO
My butt hurts.
HARRY
Maybe I can help.
BIPPO
You mean with, like, topical cream?
HARRY
No, I mean with the strike. I used to be quite a wildcat back
in my college days.
Harry pulls a bullhorn out of her purse and stands up on a nearby wall.
HARRY
CIRCUS CIRCUS IS ABUSING IT'S EMPLOYEES AND TREATING THEM LIKE
ROBOTS AND NOT PEOPLE! IF YOU VISIT OR DO BUSINESS AT CIRCUS
CIRCUS, YOU ARE AGAINST THE EVERYDAY WORKER, FAMILY, AND THE
AMERICAN WAY! DOWN WIT' DAH MAN!
THAD
Wow. Harry kicks ass.
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE
Senestra is still watching. This time, though, she appears more concerned.
SENESTRA
Blast! Harry the Handyman appears to be a master at the art of
worker rights! This could hurt my profits! I suppose I will
have to eliminate him from the equation.
She goes to her desk and hits the intercom button.
SENESTRA
Rock! Tank! Get your worthless hides in here!
Rock and Tank enter.
ROCK
Duh... we're here, Miss Malevolous.
TANK
Ready, willing, and... uh... Ready!
SENESTRA
Go and get the Atomizer Ray!
TANK
But! But! We didn't do anything!
SENESTRA
It's not to punish you! Well, not NOW anyway. Just... go get
the gun!
ROCK
On our way!
Rock and Tank head for the door, get stuck, and then struggle to get through
before they finally realize that they can't get through such a small door at
the same time.
INT. DORIS' CAR
Donner, Kari Wuhrer, Doris, Chocolate Treat, Mister Hilter, and Stacy, are
jammed into a 1973 pinto.
KARI WUHRER
It sure is nice of you to take me to where I need to go, Donner.
DONNER
Honestly, I'm just doing it on the off chance that I can get you
into bed later on.
KARI WUHRER
You're rather blunt.
DONNER
I'm just looking for an honest relationship.
STACY
Who farted?
KARI WUHRER
Not me.
DONNER
I didn't.
DORIS
Trust me, if it had been me you would have known it!
HILTER
Don't look at me!
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Well, it wasn't me! Mine are dainty.
DONNER
Oh please, the only thing dainty about you is your wardrobe!
CHOCOLATE TREAT
What's THAT supposed to mean?
DONNER
Isn't it obvious?
Everyone looks at him.
DONNER
Please tell me you've noticed that Chocolate Treat isn't like
"other" women!
Everyone stares at him.
DONNER
I can't believe this! You can't tell!?
HILTER
Tell what!?
DONNER
Chocolate Treat is... a hooker! Very unlady like!
STACY
Oh, hell... we all knew that!
DORIS
Pretty much common knowledge.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Yeah, and I'm more woman than YOU can handle.
DONNER
...or would WANT to for that matter.
HILTER
[to Kari Wuhrer]
So, Miss Wuhrer. Tell me... what's a star of direct to video
movies, commercials, and poorly-funded cable television shows
doing in Las Vegas?
KARI WUHRER
Well, I've got a lot of time on my hands ever since the Sci-Fi
Channel canceled Sliders for no good reason other than the fact
that they're a bunch of short-sighted morons who probably
couldn't even get jobs programming VCRs at UPN. I decided to
come down here and see Liam Smith.
DONNER
What's the deal with you and Liam, anyway?
KARI WUHRER
Well... it's a long story. Let's just say that I have something
to give him. Something he'll NEVER be able to forget.
Everyone stares at her.
DONNER
Yay, Liam!
STACY
All right, it was me!
DORIS
What?
STACY
I farted, okay? It was me! I'm still upset and when I get
upset, I get gassy!
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Elvis is sitting on the couch watching the news.
TV
...and as bombs reign down on the third world poverty-stricken
nation of East Tamalia, the remaining members of the government
are begging for mercy but, of course, we're not listening. In
other news, a maverick scientist has predicted that a major
earthquake is due to strike Southern Nevada. Developers,
bankers, and the tourist industry have discredited this
scientist who, at last word, has fallen in love with the mayor
of a small town predicted to be at the epicenter and has gone
out to look for her two adorable children, elderly crotchety
mother, the town drunk, and their dog.
ELVIS
Heh heh... dropping bombs.
Gary the Fanboy enters.
GARY
Elvis! Have you seen Stacy anywhere?
ELVIS
Uh... she went with everyone to Circus Circus.
GARY
I HAVE to see her. I see now that I was foolish and that I DO
love her. Don't you see, Elvis! I want to marry her!
ELVIS
If you're wanting to snow her, that ought to do it. Chicks like
that commitment stuff.
GARY
I'm serious, Elvis! I'm going to Circus Circus to tell her
personally!
ELVIS
All right, I'll go with you. It not like I have anything ELSE
to do during this episode.
GARY
Episode?
ELVIS
Yes, Gary... an episode as in a period of time in which a
singular event happens.
GARY
Oh... for a second there, I thought you were talking like all
this was a TV show.
ELVIS
Yeah, like anyone would watch it!
EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS
Liam, Thad, Bippo, and Harry are continuing their demonstration. Harry's
speech has attracted a large crowd of people who all hold signs reading
"WORKERS RIGHTS NOW!" and "LET ELLIAN STAY!" People are also
starting to avoid the entrance to the casino.
HARRY
What do we want!?
CROWD
Respect for workers!
HARRY
When do we want it?
CROWD
Now!
HARRY
What do we want!?
CROWD
Respect for workers!
HARRY
When do we want it?
CROWD
Now!
LIAM
Wow, Harry's awesome at this kind of thing!
BIPPO
Yeah, Harry... you GO boy!
THAD
Nothing can stop him now!
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS'S OFFICE
Rock and Tank have propped a giant LASER GUN in the window. Senestra looks
on licking her lips.
SENESTRA
Yessssssss.... THIS should stop him.
ROCK
D'ah... the lazer thingie is ready to fire, Miss Malevolous.
SENESTRA
Then get ready to blow that union-talking nobody off the map!
TANK
We're ready!
SENESTRA
Prepare to fire in ONE MINUTE!
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Donner, Kari Wuhrer, Mister Hilter, Doris, Stacy, and Chocolate Treat are now
wading through the crowd that Harry has attracted.
HILTER
I guess the strike is going better than we thought it would.
KARI WUHRER
Donner, I don't see Liam Smith anywhere!
DONNER
[points into the distance]
He's over there. The little skinny guy.
Kari Wuhrer looks and finally, she spots him. A broad grin crosses her face.
KARI WUHRER
There you are!
Kari starts heading for Liam. Donner follows.
STACY
[to Chocolate Treat]
At least SHE's found her special somebody.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
And so have you!
STACY
What do you mean?
CHOCOLATE TREAT
I mean you and Gary the Fanboy.
STACY
That rat!?
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Don't give me that "rat" business... you love the little pimple
factory and he loves you! Live with it, sweetheart. Men and
women search for years and years for what you two have and they
never find it! Go with it, girlfriend!
Stacy regards Chocolate Treat for a while and grins and nods.
INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
Senestra mans the lazer.
SENESTRA
Thirty seconds!
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Gary and Elvis arrive. They try to get through the crowd.
GARY
Where IS she?
ELVIS
[points]
Isn't that her over there?
Gary sees Stacy in the distance and begins shoving people out of the way to
get to her.
GARY
Stacy! Stacieeeeeeeeeeeeee!
INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
Senestra mans the lazer and picks up Harry in the crosshairs.
SENESTRA
Ten seconds!
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Mister Hilter suddenly stops as everyone else pushes foreword.
HILTER
Wait a minute... something's... wrong!
Mister Hilter looks at a nearby parked car. Inside, a small dog is howling
for no apparent reason. A horrible realization crosses his face.
HILTER
Oh... my... god!
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Stacy tries to get through the crowd but she stops when she hears a voice
behind her.
GARY
Stacy! Stacy!
STACY
Gary?
GARY
Stacy, I love you!
Stacy smiles broadly.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Doris stops Chocolate Treat.
DORIS
Do you feel that?
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Honey, I've been known to feel anything for a price.
DORIS
No... I mean... it almost feels like... I don't know... like the
ground is vibrating!
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Probably some teenager playing Eminem three or four miles away.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Gary and Stacy are trying to get to each other, but the crowd is too thick.
INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
Senestra mans the lazer and picks up Harry in the crosshairs.
SENESTRA
6... 5... 4...
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Harry, Bippo, Liam, and Thad are protesting.
HARRY, BIPPO, LIAM, & HARRY
HELL NO! WE WON'T GO! HELL NO! WE WON'T GO!
Liam looks into the crowd
LIAM
Huh.
THAD
Huh, what?
LIAM
I could have sworn I saw...
Liam sees Kari Wuhrer trying to get to him through the crowd.
LIAM
It... It's Kari!
THAD
Who?
LIAM
It's my Kari!
Liam jumps down from the wall and starts wading through the crowd.
LIAM
Kari! Kari!
INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
Senestra mans the lazer and picks up Harry in the crosshairs.
SENESTRA
3... 2... 1... FIRE!
Before she can fire, the room starts shaking violently.
SENESTRA
What in the holy blue heck is going on here?
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
It is a full blown earthquake. Car alarms are going off and people in the
street are running round trying to get away from the giant pieces of concrete
and mortar falling off of buildings.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS SKYLINE
Building begin to topple and the city becomes devestated.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Donner and Kari Wuhrer
DONNER
What the hell's going on!? The earth's moving and I haven't
even kissed you yet!
KARI WUHRER
It's an EARTHQUAKE!
DONNER & KARI
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Donner and Kari fall backwards into a gaping hole in the road. Liam dives
for Kari's hand but misses it and watches her and Donner fall into the black
hole.
LIAM
Kari! NOOOOOOOOO!!!
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Bippo, Thad, and Harry.
A chunk of concrete hits Thad on the arm and rips off his werewolf patch. He
grabs his arm in pain.
BIPPO
Woa, you all right?
THAD
I'm hurt!
BIPPO
And that concerns me, how?
THAD
When I get hurt and I'm not wearing my patch I... TRANSFORM!
Thad trandforms into the werewolf.
BIPPO
...and that's my cue to pee my pants and run!
He does so... the werewolf follows. Harry watches them go.
HARRY
Wow. I guess I'm lucky he didn't go after me!
At that moment, the Circus Circus sign topples over and falls on Harry. He
and several others dissapear under the rubble.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
The massive earthquake continues. Stacy and Gary are still trying to get to
each other.
GARY
STACY!
STACY
GARY!
Just moments before they touch, a large building falls over and the two of
them, along with Elvis, dissapear in a wave of debris and dust.
EXT. PLANET HOLLYWOOD
The Planet Hollywood sign falls over and begins rolling down the street.
INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
The shaking has gotten more violent. Senestra, Rock, and Tank are being
thrown about. After a little while, the three of them are thrown out the
window.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
As Senestra, Rock, and Tank fall out the thirtieth story window in the
background and hit the unseen ground below, Doris and Chocolate Treat try to
steady themselves.
DORIS
At least it can't get any worse!
At that moment, the two of them turn around and see the Planet Hollywood sign
rolling towards them. The theme to Indiana Jones begin to play as the two of
them run away from it. Right before it runs them down, Chocolate Treat
shoves Doris out of the way and is run over.
DORIS
Chocolate Treat! Oh my god!
EXT. AN ALLEY
The shaking is finally subsiding. Bippo runs into the alley with the
werewolf on his tail. Bippo reaches a dead end and turns around just in time
to see the werewolf leap for the kill.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
The earthquake has stopped. Liam Smith stands up and looks around to see
nothing but rubble and bodies on the street. Down the strip, the multi-
million dollar casinos lie in ruins. Mister Hilter and Doris stumble over to
him.
LIAM
Muh... Mister Hilter... Kari! Donner! They... They...!
They're...!
DORIS
Chocolate Treat! She's... DEAD!
LIAM
Harry! He was standing where that sign fell and Gary and
Stacy...!
HILTER
Calm down, all right! CALM DOWN!
Mister Hilter slaps Liam hard.
LIAM
Ow.
HILTER
You okay, now?
LIAM
I will be once I get the feeling back in my cheek!
HILTER
Now, there's a possibility that they're are people still alive
under this rubble. We need to dig and get them out... but, make
no illusion... I don't think there's a chance in hell of all of
our friends surviving such a catastrophie!
Liam and Doris look shocked.
HILTER
Well, don't just stand there! Dig!
Liam and Doris does as he says. All three of them begin digging as the
camera pulls away and into the sky. Las Vegas is decimated and fires have
begun burning in the distance.
NARRATOR
Who will survive? Are Donner and Kari Wuhrer dead? Has
Chocolate Treat, Harry the Handyman, Elvis, Stacy, and Gary the
Fanboy been crushed under tons of rock? Has Bippo been devoured
by the werewolf? Did the thirty story fall kill Senestra, Rock,
and Tank? Will Gary and Stacy marry? Will Liam, Bippo, and
Thad get their jobs back? Will Las Vegas be rebuilt or will it
be cut off from the United States and become a sort-of "No Man's
Land"? (Yeah, when was that last time THAT happened?) The
answer to these and more questions will be answered NEXT SEASON
on THE LIAM SMITH SHOW and only one thing is certain... one or
more of Liam's circle of friends will DIE! Who will it be?
Stacy? Gary? Harry? Bippo? Thad? Senestra? Rock? Tank?
Chocolate Treat? Donner? Or will it be Liam's love, Kari
Wuhrer? The tragic answer comes in THREE MONTHS! SUFFER!
BWAAAAAAAAA HA! HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
FADE OUT
TO BE CONTINUED...
ROLL CREDITS