THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 1.09: "Smack My Glitch Up"
Written by Jason Donner
FADE IN
EXT: TIMES SQUARE, NEW YORK: JANUARY 31, 1999
It is a huge party. Everyone is happy and, for just this moment,
everyone in the city are brothers and sisters. The camera pans down
through the crowd until it finds a lone man in a coat holding a
microphone. The man turns to the camera and we see that he is ageless
DICK CLARK.
DICK CLARK
...and as the final few minutes of the
20th century tick away, all of New York
is awaiting the new millennium with a sense
of hope and peace. I truly believe that
this will be the dawn of a new age.
[a beat]
This new age is brought to you by McDonalds:
Have YOU Had a Break Today? And by America
On-line: All Lines are Busy... Please Dial
Again.
CUT TO:
CIRCUS, CIRCUS: LAS VEGAS
Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year is being transmitted on giant television
screens to the staff who are engrossed in a huge New Years party. LIAM
SMITH, THAD COFFEY, BIPPO THE CLOWN, and SENESTRA MALEVOUS are there.
LIAM
Wow... I can't believe that we're just
fifteen minutes away from the year 2000
which will start a whole new millennium.
THAD
Actually, the new millennium won't start
until January 1, 2001 since the first year
of the Anno Domini time period was a "1"
and not a zero, therefore, the first
millennium spanned 1 through 1001, and the
second will span from 1001 through 2001.
LIAM
Wow... I can't believe that we're just
fourteen minutes away from a whole new
millennium.
THAD
Oy!
Thad gets fed up and walks away. Bippo the clown walks up with a black
eye.
LIAM
What happened to you?
BIPPO
Oh, you know. One guy says the new millennium
doesn't start until 2001, another gripes that
it starts in 2000... next thing you know,
there's a fight and a brutal beating.
Supervillianess and Circus, Circus owner SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS walks up to
them.
SENESTRA
Hello, boys.
LIAM & BIPPO
Hello Miss Malevolous.
LIAM
It was nice of you to throw this party for
your employees especially after that nasty
business with you and Capeman that I was
involved in.
SENESTRA
Water under the bridge, my little squirrel.
Though, if you thwart my plans for world
domination again, I'd hide my nuts if I were
you.
LIAM
Hee Hee. Gulp.
Suddenly, there is a commotion from the far side of the room.
BIPPO
What's going on over there?
LIAM
I don't know. Let's go see.
LIAM, BIPPO, and SENESTRA walk over to the commotion where a large
number of people have gathered. They meet with THAD.
LIAM
Thad? What's going on?
THAD
I don't know! I was just spiking... uh,
I mean getting some punch and these
two guys barge in and start a riot!
Senestra pushes through the crowd to the two men in the middle.
SENESTRA
What's going on here? Who are you people!?
The two men are JERRY FALWELL and PAT ROBERTSON.
FALWELL
I am Jerry Falwell one of the most recognized
voices of God in the United States. You may
remember me from any one of my anti-Semetic,
anti-gay, anti-Hustler, or anti-Teletubby rants.
ROBERTSON
...and I am Pat Robertson. Founding member of
the Christian Coalition and The 700 Club. Kiss
my ring, cretins! You are but worms to me!
SENESTRA
What are you two doing here?
FALWELL
We've come to the Sodom and Gammora of America,
Las Vegas, to usher in the End of Days!
BIPPO
Boo! Arnold Swartzenagger sucks!
ROBERTSON
No, you refer to the blasphemous End of Days
movie. We refer to the end of the world...
Armageddon!
LIAM
What makes you so sure that the Armageddon
is going to happen tonight?
FALWELL
Because we are evangelists!
ROBERTSON
...on TV!
FALWELL
...and we speak to God on a daily basis.
A cuckoo clock on a nearby wall goes off.
CLOCK
Cuckoo!
ROBERTSON
You would know, my children, that the end
of days was coming on New Years if you had
read my book that I have been selling on
The 700 Club. ($24.99 plus $4.99 shipping
and handling. Cash, Check or Money Orders
accepted. No CODs or orders from homosexuals,
please.)
FALWELL
Yes, my friends, the end of the world will
be brought about by...
[a tense moment]
...the Y2K Computer Glitch.
There is a pause and then everyone in the room laughs heartily at the
two men.
MAN #1
The Y2K bug?
WOMAN
Give us a break!
MAN #2
What losers.
ROBERTSON
Laugh at us if you want, you heretics! But
we shall have the last laugh when this computer
glitch brings civilization to it's knees.
FALWELL
But all is not lost. We can still save your
souls.
ROBERTSON
All for the low, low price of a 100 dollar
donation.
FALWELL
Unless you're a homosexual...
ROBERTSON
...or a Jew...
FALWELL
...or a Telletubby.
ROBERTSON
If you are then we... uh, I mean GOD decrees
that you must burn in hell!
Liam, Thad, Bippo, and Senestra walk away.
THAD
You believe that nonsense?
SENESTRA
The Y2K bug? What a lot of bluster and hype
designed to panic the stupidest of people and
con them into giving their money to...
[scoffs]
...religion!
LIAM
Don't you believe in the church?
SENESTRA
I do, but like most of America's Evil and
Wealthy Elite, I worship Pan the Goat God!
THAD
But at least you see through Pat Robertson
and Jerry Falwell's attempt to bilk the public
out of their money by hyping up this stupid
little Y2K thing into the second coming of Jesus.
BIPPO
Yeah, that's crazy... and that means a lot
coming from me!
The four walk by a TV playing Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years show.
LIAM
I don't know, you guys...
The camera stays with the TV as the Times Square Clock counts down from
ten minutes.
LIAM
...I've got a funny feeling about this.
10:01... 10:00... 09:59... 09:58... 09:57... 09:56...
FADE OUT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THEME SONG (Sung to the theme of "Auld Lang Syne")
Get ready for another round,
of fun with Liam Smith.
The year 2000's almost here,
it's a force to reckon with.
Folks want you panic and not,
have a great time on the first.
The year 2000 comes but once,
It's a century given birth.
Let's greet the new year with some hope,
for a prosperous century.
Don't think of that Y2K bug,
it's all hype if you ask me.
Enjoy this episode of the show,
I hope it makes you grin.
And Happy New Year to you all,
to your family and your kin.
OLÉ!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
STARRING
Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"
Ed Asner
as
"Mister Hilter"
GUEST STARRING
Michael Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"
and
Marina Sirtis
as
"Senestra Malevolous"
SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY
Jerry Falwell
Pat Robertson
Wayne Newton
and
Siegfried and Roy
SPECIAL GUEST STARS
Tiger Woods
as
"Tiger Woods"
and
Dick Clark
as
"Dick Clark"
FADE IN
INT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS CASINO
Everything is as it was before. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are
still preaching to a less-than-receptive audience.
ROBERTSON
The Y2K bug will cause America's infrastructure
to collapse! Planes will fall from the sky!
Street lights will malfunction! Cars won't
start! Hospitals won't be able to function!
Banks will loose billions of dollars! The Y2K
glitch is God's vengeance made manifest!
FALWELL
He's telling the truth! God told me so,
himself!
SENESTRA
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
ROBERTSON
Do not mock me! For if you mock me, you
are mocking God!
LIAM
Excuse me, but doesn't the Bible say that
man should never compare himself to God in
any way, shape, or form and to do so is...
FALWELL
Heretic!
ROBERTSON
Blasphemer!
FALWELL
You will burn in the fires of Hell for all
eternity!
LIAM
I was just saying...
ROBERTSON
Homosexual!
FALWELL
Jew!
LIAM
Look, forget I said anything.
Liam walks over to Thad and Bippo.
LIAM
These guys are a couple of pews short of
a congregation.
BIPPO
You think what they said about Tinky-Winky
was true?
THAD
What?
BIPPO
You know... that Tinky-Winky the Telletubbie
is gay. You think that's true?
LIAM
I think it's just rhetoric to keep their flocks
in line and to keep them in the spotlight.
Pathetic.
THAD
Yeah.
BIPPO
Oh... well, what about Bert and Ernie?
LIAM
Gay.
THAD
Totally gay.
LIAM
There are none gayer.
BIPPO
I thought so.
THAD
Shhh! Look! It's thirty seconds until
midnight!
LIAM
Everyone! Gather round! Thirty seconds
to go!
Everyone gathers around the big screen TV to watch Dick Clark's Rockin'
New Year's final countdown to 2000. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson
slink around in the back.
SENESTRA
This is so exciting! 2000 is going to be
my year... you just watch! I'll take over
Las Vegas in 2000, Nevada by 2001... The
West Coast by 2002 or 2003. Then comes
Oklahoma!
EVERYONE
SHHHHHHHHH!!!
DICK CLARK
[on TV]
Ten seconds to go!
The ball in Times Square begins to drop.
EVERYONE
Ten....
MONTAGE OF SCENES:
THE PYRAMIDS AT GIZA
Hundreds of people are celebrating.
EVERYONE
Nine....
THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA
Another huge celebration.
EVERYONE
Eight....
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA
It's a party, mate!
EVERYONE
Seven....
MEXICO CITY
Another celebration.
EVERYONE
Seis....
A CRUISE SHIP IN THE CARIBBEAN
You guessed it, another party.
EVERYONE
Five....
A GOLF COURSE
Tiger Woods swings.
TIGER
FORE!!!
LONDON, ENGLAND
A party again.
EVERYONE
Three....
THE EIFFEL TOWER, FRANCE
Le Party.
EVERYONE
Two....
CIRCUS, CIRCUS, LAS VEGAS
Liam and company.
EVERYONE
One....
The second hand hits midnight.
EVERYONE
Happy New Ye--
EVERYTHING GOES BLACK
A woman screams.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
- Raid: The Official killer of the Y2K bug.
- Strong enough for a man, made for a woman.
- Snap into a Slim Jim! Eat me!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN:
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS SKYLINE
The city is in flames. Buildings are falling down, planes are dropping
from the sky, street lights are out, traffic lights aren't functioning,
and people are screaming.
INT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS
The place looks decimated. Slot machines, roulette wheels, and craps
tables are strewn everywhere. People are crawling out from under the
rubble. Liam pulls himself out from under a large stone tiger.
LIAM
What the hell just happened?
Thad staggers over.
THAD
Don't know. Last thing I remember was the
clock striking midnight and...
Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell wandle over.
ROBERTSON
It is as we foretold.
FALWELL
God has enacted his wrath on the world.
Liam looks around at the destruction in the casino.
LIAM
You mean to tell us that all this was
done by the Y2K computer glitch?
ROBERTSON
It was.
THAD
This is terrible!
SENESTRA and BIPPO wander over.
SENESTRA
My casino... My beautiful casino!
BIPPO
Wow, you guys think it's like this all
over the world?
LIAM
God, I hope not!
THAD
What can we do?
ROBERTSON
I'll tell you what you can do, my son.
Pray to us... I mean, pray WITH us to God
and beg him forgiveness and ask him to save
your souls.
BIPPO
Will that fix everything?
FALWELL
It should... after you donate your life
savings to our Church.
THAD, BIPPO, LIAM, and SENESTRA
WHAT!?
ROBERTSON
It's a small price to pay for eternal paradise.
Thad, Liam, Senestra, and Bippo look at each other.
SENESTRA
Huddle.
They huddle like football players.
INT: THE HUDDLE
Looking up at their faces from the center.
LIAM
What do you guys think?
THAD
No way am I giving into these posers.
BIPPO
Then how else are we going to fix this
Y2K problem?
SENESTRA
Okay... First, we need to come up with a
plan. Second, Bippo... get your hand off
my ass.
BIPPO
Sorry.
LIAM
What about Mister Hilter? He can fix anything
and, if he can't, he always knows who can!
SENESTRA
Sounds like a plan.
THAD
But to get to him, we're going to have to walk
down the strip! With this Y2K bug in full force,
it's going to be dangerous!
BIPPO
Dangerous? Bah! How bad can it be?
EXT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS
Liam, Bippo, Thad, and Senestra walk out onto the strip. It's pure
madness. People are running up and down the street screaming, engine
fires are burning, and an occasional explosion rocks the asphalt.
LIAM
See? And you were worried that the Y2K would
cause Las Vegas to revert into anarchy!
THAD
Liam, it has!
LIAM
[slaps Thad lightly on the face]
It's called "sarcasm" babe, look it up.
The four start walking down the strip.
LIAM
I can't believe that we've become so reliant
on computers!
THAD
Well, computer chips ARE in everything
now-adays.
BIPPO
Wrist watches...
They walk past a man who checks the time on his watch only to have it
explode in his face. Screaming and in flames, he runs and jumps into a
fountain.
SENESTRA
Slot machines...
They walks past an old lady who puts a quarter into a slot machine and
is sucked in through the payout slot. Blood begins spraying out of the
slot machine's top.
THAD
Pacemakers...
They walks past a man who grabs his chest in pain. His ribcage erupts
in a mass of blood and stuff and his heart and pacemaker jumps out, hits
the ground, scampers along the sidewalk, jumps on another man's face,
and electrocutes him.
LIAM
Werewolf patches...
Thad stops.
THAD
Did you say werewolf patches?
LIAM
Yeah-huh. Why?
THAD
I wear a werewolf patch!
LIAM
Since when?
THAD
Since we found out I was a werewolf two
months ago!
LIAM
What?
THAD
[shocked]
Liam! Don't you remember?
The words "EXPOSITION FOR STUPID PEOPLE" begin to flash on the bottom of
the screen.
THAD
Last month, all these hookers were getting
killed by a werewolf so we decided to hunt
it down but it actually turned out to be me
transformed into a werewolf after I was bit
by one on the street. I was given this
anti-werewolf patch that I wear on my arm to
keep me from transforming into a killer and
NOW you're telling me it's not Y2K compliant!?
LIAM
Uh... yes.
THAD
Oh, fudge.
Thad doubles over and begins to turn into a werewolf. The gang reacts
in horror.
BIPPO
Run! Run like hell!
They do.
SENESTRA
You think we lost him?
LIAM
I would think so...
SENESTRA
Good.
LIAM
...if he wasn't standing in front of us.
LIAM, SENESTRA, and BIPPO
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The werewolf is standing in front of them ready to kill and devour them
all. A quick-thinking Bippo jumps up and yanks a stick out of a tree.
BIPPO
[waves the stick around]
See the stick, boy? See the stick?
The werewolf gets down on all fours and jumps around like a puppy.
BIPPO
You want the stick? You want it?
WEREWOLF
Reah! Reah! Row the rick, Raggy!
Bippo throws the stick as hard as he can.
BIPPO
Fetch, boy!
The werewolf bounds off after the stick. Liam, Bippo, and Senestra run
the opposite direction.
EXT. THE RIVERIA
Wayne Newton is watching all the devastation in the city.
NEWTON
This is awful... Awful!
A stick lands at his feet.
NEWTON
Hello? What's...?
The werewolf barrels into Wayne Newton, picks him up in his jaws, and
slings him around like a chew toy.
NEWTON
Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!
EXT. THE VEGAS STRIP
Liam, Bippo, and Senestra are running. Liam stops.
LIAM
[panting]
Okay... Okay... We lost him.
SENESTRA
How far away are we from this Mister Hilter?
Liam looks around.
LIAM
Not far now. It's amazing how much ground
you can cover when you're absolutely terrified
out of your skull.
SENESTRA
Well, I propose we steal a car and drive the
rest of the way. My feet are killing me.
A man in the background gets into a car and turns the ignition. The car
explodes in a huge fireball.
SENESTRA
...on second thought, let's walk.
EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS: AN HOUR LATER
Much like the rest of the city, the apartments are more of a mess than
usual.
INT. MISTER HILTER'S APARTMENT
The front door falls apart as Liam turns the knob to open it. He throws
the knob down as he, Bippo, and Senestra enters the room.
LIAM
Mister Hitler?
SENESTRA
Hilter.
LIAM
What?
SENESTRA
Hilter. You called him Hitler.
LIAM
I did not!
SENESTRA
You sure did! I heard you with my own ears!
LIAM
Why would I be calling him "Hitler" after
I've known his name for almost three months!?
It makes no sense!
SENESTRA
Listen, you little creep... I heard you plain
as...
BIPPO
Guys... Guys...!!! GUYS!!!
Senestra and Liam stop arguing.
BIPPO
You guys hear something?
VOICE
[softly]
Help... me...
LIAM
It sounds like it's coming from over here.
Liam, Bippo, and Senestra walk over to a big hole in the floor.
VOICE
Help... me!
They look down the hole and see Mister Hilter trapped down there.
LIAM
Oh my god!
BIPPO
It's Mister Hilter!
FADE OUT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
- SEGA!!!
- I'm going to Disneyland!
- Snap, Crackle, Pop!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN
INT. MISTER HILTER'S APARTMENT
Liam, Bippo, and Senestra have just pulled Mister Hilter out of the
gigantic hole.
LIAM
How the heck did you end up in that hole,
Mister Hilter?
HILTER
Damn floorboards aren't Y2K compliant.
Careful where you step, my boy.
BIPPO
Mister H! It's horrible! The city's in
flames! People are dying!
HILTER
Yes, the Y2K bug. Funny, I've been researching
that glitch for over a year and I never found
any indication that it would cause any major
problems.
SENESTRA
Well, it has.
HILTER
Yes. Wait a minute... who the hell are you?
SENESTRA
Senestra Malevolous. Mistress of Evil.
HILTER
Mister Hilter. Pleasure to meet you. Now,
let's see what we can do about this Y2K problem.
Mister Hilter gets out a laptop. Bippo, Liam, and Senestra leap for
cover.
HILTER
Relax... this computer is impervious to
the Y2K Bug. I should know... I built it
myself out of old soda cans and a busted
Nintendo game.
Hilter turns the laptop on and types a little bit.
HILTER
That's odd.
LIAM
What?
HILTER
According to this, all of the computer
chips in the city are Y2K compliant.
There shouldn't be any trouble with the
Y2K glitch...
[a thought]
...unless!
SENESTRA
Unless what!?
HILTER
Unless this isn't a glitch we're
looking at!
BIPPO
Not a glitch? What else could it be?
HILTER
It's... my God... it's a virus!
SENESTRA
You mean all of this destruction has been
caused by a computer virus? But that would
mean that someone wrote it and spread it to
all of the computers of the world!
LIAM
Who would do such a thing?
HILTER
No, I think the question we should be asking
is, Who would profit from such a thing?
SENESTRA
Of course!
LIAM
It's so simple!
BIPPO
My god... who would have thunk it.
HILTER
You guys don't have a clue who I'm talking
about, do you?
SENESTRA
No.
LIAM
I'm sorry... no.
BIPPO
I was thinking it was Scott Thompson of The
Kids in the Hall. Ah I right? Huh? Huh?
Am I right?
CUT TO
CIRCUS CIRCUS CASINO
Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are there taking a donation from a
couple of men.
ROBERTSON
Absolutely. You see, if you donate your
life savings to us... uh, I mean to our
church... you will be saved from the
horrors of the 21st century.
FALWELL
Are you sure you two aren't homosexuals.
SIEGFRIED
Uh... no!
ROY
No! No! No!
SIEGFRIED
We're so not gay.
ROY
If fact, we're going to go out and have sex
with females right now.
Siegfried gives Falwell and check and he leaves with Roy.
SIEGFRIED
Oh, Roy... I feel so dirty.
ROY
I know... I know...
They exit. Liam, Bippo, Hilter, and Senestra enters.
HILTER
Falwell! Robertson! We're on to you!
FALWELL
What are you talking about?
LIAM
We know that YOU are responsible for the Y2K
glitch! In fact, we know it's not a glitch
at all... it's a virus written by the two of
you to LOOK like a glitch!
ROBERTSON
Lies!
SENESTRA
You were using it to extort money from
people by scaring the hell out of them!
FALWELL
Blasphemers!
BIPPO
The games up, fellahs! Cash in your chips
'cause your... uh...
[he thinks]
Your... uh...
[angry]
Aw, DAMMIT!!!
ROBERTSON
So what if you've discovered our virus! The
world is in ruin and everyone will see us as
the men who predicted it! We've won!
HILTER
Not quite.
FALWELL
What do you mean?
At that moment, the werewolf crashes through the wall and eyes Falwell
and Robertson. It growls and advances towards them.
ROBERTSON
Holy fu-(BLEEP!)-cking sh-(BLEEP!)-t
FALWELL
You've won this round, Hilter, with your
werewolf... thing! But we shall meet again!
Robertson picks up a calculator-looking device and presses a button.
The two evangelists disappear in a Quantum Leap type special
effect.
LIAM
They're gone!
HILTER
Hmm... Unless I am mistaken, that device they
had was a temporal trans-dislocator.
SENESTRA
Time machine, huh? When do you suppose
they went?
BIPPO
You mean when do you suppose they
went!
LIAM
Mister Hilter, I don't understand how you
were able to tame the werewolf.
HILTER
Tame the werewolf?
LIAM
When Robertson and Falwell said that they
won, you said "Not quite" and then the
werewolf busted in and saved the day. How'd
you manage that?
HILTER
Well... that's the damnedest thing. You
see, when I said "Not quite" I meant that
I had a way to deactivate their Y2K virus
but the werewolf busted in before I got a
chance to say that.
BIPPO
So... the werewolf wasn't part of
your plan?
HILTER
No. Just a happy coinky-dink.
SENESTRA
So the werewolf isn't under your
control?
HILTER
Nope. It's still a mindless killing machine.
BIPPO, LIAM, and SENESTRA
Ohhhhhhhhhhh...
The werewolf leaps at them growling and snarling.
BIPPO, LIAM, HILTER, and SENESTRA
OH MY GOD!!!
Hilter quickly hits the execute key on his laptop and deactivates the
Y2K bug. The werewolf turns back into Thad and flattens Liam.
THAD
Oh, hey guys. What'd I miss?
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS SKYLINE
The city reverts back to normal. Fires instantly extinguish, toppled
buildings rise back up, and planes levetate back into the air and fly
away as if nothing happened.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Exploded cars return to one piece, Slot machines spit out old ladies
back onto their stools, and traffic lights stop shooting lazer beams.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
- I wanna be a Barbi Girl
- I want fish and I want liver, Meow Mix, Meow Mix please deliver.
- Pukémon! Gotta catch 'em all!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXT. THE ROOF OF CIRCUS, CIRCUS
Liam, Thad, Bippo, Mister Hilter, and Senestra are sitting on the roof
drinking champagne with the beauty of the newly restored Las Vegas in
the background.
SENESTRA
Well... this has been one New Years
I will not forget.
THAD
Yeah.
BIPPO
Well, bottoms up!
Bippo gets ready to throw back his champagne, but Hilter stops him.
HILTER
Wait! We have to toast! It's a New Years
tradition.
THAD
Anyone got a toast?
LIAM
I do. You see, I learned something today...
Humans as a species are a cowardly and jumpy
lot and there's many in society that take
advantage of that for their own good. I guess
what I'm trying to say is, we should look
foreword to the promises that the future holds
and not be afraid of it.
[he raises his glass]
To the future.
EVERYONE ELSE
To the future!
They toast.
DISSOLVE TO
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NEW YORK: JANUARY 31, 2999
In the futuristic new New York there is a gigantic party going on as the
ball begins to drop. The camera centers in on a man and, when he turns
around, we see that it is DICK CLARK looking just as he did when we last
saw him 1000 years ago.
DICK CLARK
...and as the final few minutes of the
30th century tick away, all of New New York
is awaiting the new millennium with a sense
of hope and peace. I truly believe that
this will be the dawn of a new age.
[a pause]
This new age is being brought to you by the
planet Zurg: No One Probes You Like We Do and
by UPN: For One Thousand Years, the Solar
System's Number One Network.
Dick Clark hears something over his headset.
DICK CLARK
WHAT!?
[Clark looks at the camera]
Uh... this is amazing! I'm told that two
men have just appeared under the Times
Square ball! We now go there live!
EXT. TIMES SQUARE
Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are standing under the lowering Times
Square Ball.
ROBERTSON
Jerry! This doesn't look like an hour ago!
You said we'd go back an hour and try the Y2K
scam again!
FALWELL
I don't believe it! Our time machine...
it's... it's not Y2K compliant!
FALWELL and ROBERTSON
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
The Times Square Ball crushes them. Blood drips down onto the crowd of
humans, aliens, and robots.
CROWD
[singing]
Should old acquaintants be forgot
and never brought to mind.
We hope you like this episode,
Happy New Year and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD-BYE!
FADE OUT
THE END
ROLL CREDITS