THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 2.07: "Dial 'Z' for Zombie"
Written by Jason Donner
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE - CIRCUS, CIRCUS
Senstra is sitting at her desk going over a ledger. She sighs, tosses it to
the side, and gets out blueprints for nuclear warhead. Her intercom buzzes
and she presses the "speak" button.
SENESTRA
Yes?
Silence.
SENESTRA
Hello? Anyone there?
Silence. Senstra goes back to her work. After a minute, the intercom buzzes
again.
SENESTRA
Yes?
Silence
SENESTRA
Who is this!?
Silence. A beat.
SENESTRA
Press the "speak" button, you idiots!
There's a second of silence and then the intercom crackles.
ROCK'S VOICE
...she mean this "speak" button?
SENESTRA
Yes, Rock! THAT speak button!
TANK'S VOICE
Why isn't she talking to us anymore?
SENESTRA
Take you're hand off the speak button!
TANK'S VOICE
I still can't hear her.
SENESTRA
Take your... HAND OFF THE 'SPEAK' BUTTON, MORON!!!
ROCK'S VOICE
I think she's just being snotty again...
SENESTRA
SNOTTY!?
TANK'S VOICE
Yeah... how long do we have to keep pressing this button?
Senestra rises and takes in a deep breath.
SENESTRA
That's it... I am going to kill them.
INT. ANOTHER ROOM
ROCK and TANK are sitting on a desk pressing the speak button.
ROCK
My finger is getting tired. Can you press it for a while?
Senestra bursts in with a sub-machine gun.
SENESTRA
DIE YOU DUMB SONS A BITCHES!!!
ROCK
[quickly]
There's a man from the collectibles store to see you!
Senestra smiles and lowers her weapon.
SENESTRA
The collectibles store, eh? How delicious!
Senestra walks past them and into the next room.
INT. THE NEXT ROOM
A little old man, MISTER WANG, is sitting in a chair when Senestra walks in.
He looks at her and is immediately taken by her skimpy skin-tight clothing.
WANG
My, that's a mighty big gun you have, my dear.
SENESTRA
The better to drill you full of holes with. I take it you have
the item I requested?
WANG
Yes...
Wan digs in his jacket pocket and comes out with an ancient coin with a skull
engraved on one side.
WANG
...the Coin of Anubus.
SENESTRA
Magnificent.
Senestra puts down her gun and takes the coin.
SENESTRA
Tell me the legend again!
WANG
That silly old story? Very well... according to ancient
Egyptian lore, the Coin of Anubus had the power to give it's
owner total control over the dead... but that's just a silly old
legend.
SENESTRA
Yes... a silly old legend. Thank you Mister Wang, how much do I
owe you?
WANG
Well, you DO realize that this is a rare item and it took me
over three years to find it for you...
SENESTRA
How much?
WANG
...that and I had to sneak it out of Egypt by concealing it in a
body cavity and THAT gave me the trots for a week...
Senestra gets out her checkbook and a pen.
SENESTRA
How much?
WANG
...AND I now have Egyptian assassins on my tail for removing the
coin from it's sacred resting place. They've already killed my
wife, two daughters, golden retriever, and chihuahua...
SENESTRA
Mister Wang... I'm really in a hurry. How much?
WANG
Seven dollars and fifty-two cents.
Senestra begins to write a check.
SENESTRA
Seven dollars and...
She stops and looks up.
SENESTRA
Are you sure you don't mean seven million?
WANG
Uh... no.
SENESTRA
Seven fifty-two?
WANG
Correct.
SENESTRA
Seven DOLLARS and fifty-two CENTS?
WANG
Yes.
Senestra puts away her checkbook and gives Mister Wang a ten dollar bill.
SENESTRA
Keep the change.
WANG
A pleasure doing business with you, Madame.
SENESTRA
No... the PLEASURE was all mine!
Mister Wang leaves.
SENESTRA
Soon... the world will be MINE! BWAAA.... HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Senestra puts the coin on a desk. Rock and Tank burst in fighing, kicking,
and biting each other.
ROCK
Miss Malevoulous! Tank's biting me! Make him stop! Make him
stop!
TANK
He wouldn't let me touch the button!
SENESTRA
All right you two, break it up!
Rock and Tank continue to fight.
SENESTRA
I said... BREAK IT UP!!!
Senestra walks over and whacks them both up side the head. Rock stumbles
backwards and bumps up against the desk. The coin falls to the floor and
rolls out the door.
SENESTRA
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Get that coin, you fools!
Rock and Tank run out the door after the coin.
SENESTRA
Mental note: Kill them. Got it. Filed. Stored.
EXT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS
Mister Wang walks out the front door and is instantly assaulted by twenty
Egyptian assassins.
FADE OUT
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THEME SONG
(sung to the theme of "The Jeffersons")
Hey you better perk up!
(better perk up!)
'Cause it's time...
(you better perk up!)
...for the internet show that's one of a kind!
You better perk up!
(better perk up!)
Don't you know?
(better perk up!)
It's time for the Liam Smith Show!
It don't air on the TV!
Just right here on the net!
No networks would touch this thing,
and that is a real sure bet!
Don't you go and get depressed!
An internet show's more fun!
A lot of what you see is up to you,
Just use your imagination!
Hey you better perk up!
(better perk up!)
'Cause it's time...
(you better perk up!)
...for the internet show that's one of a kind!
You better perk up!
(better perk up!)
Don't you know?
(better perk up!)
It's time for the Liam Smith Shooooooooooooooooow!
OLÉ!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
STARRING
Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"
John Rhys-Davies
as
"Professor Maximillion Arturo"
GUEST STARRING
"Marina Sirtis"
as
Senestra Malevolous
Dolph Lungren
as
"Rock"
Billy Blanks
as
"Tank"
Michael Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"
and
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"
SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY
Pat Marita
as
"Mister Wang"
AND SPECIAL GUEST STARS
Gloria Stuart
as
"Madame Leia Xuich"
James Earl Jones
as
"Anubus"
and
Jesse Camp
as
"Himself"
INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS CASINO
LIAM SMITH, BIPPO THE CLOWN, and THAD COFFEY are sitting around a craps table
talking to each other as business is a little slow at the moment.
BIPPO
...so I says to him, "Red M&M... Blue M&M... They both end up
the same color at the end."
THAD
Fascinating. Now, to slightly change the direction of the
conversation in a less nauseating way... I heard that there's a
new direct to video Kari Wuhrer movie.
LIAM
What!? A new direct to video Kari Wuhrer movie? Why was I not
informed of this?
THAD
It's a re-release of one of her first movies, Naughty
Desires. It was the first ever team-up between Kari, Shannon
Tweed, and Traci Lords... it also featured the first ever on-
camera gang-bang, orgy, and the famous prison group shower and
de-lousing scene. Unfortunately, it was also pulled from
shelves because it featured too much full frontal female nudity
and hot sex for the uptight mothers organizations of the time,
but since all the presidents of those organizations have been
convicted of cocaine possession, I guess the studio figured it'd
be safe to re-release Kari's movie. Jeez.... I've heard that
movie is viagra on video, baby!
LIAM
Good god! I can't believe it! Kari Wuhrer's lost movie! I
MUST HAVE IT!!!
THAD
[scoffs]
Good luck. According to the guys at Blockbuster it's going to
be a super-duper limited release of only 1000 copies and of
those 1000, over 900 have been reserved. I guess that means
you'll have to...
Thad turns and looks and sees nothing more than a Liam-shaped puff of smoke
that slowly dissipates.
THAD
...hurry.
BIPPO
Wow... he got awfully excited. So what else is going on?
THAD
Uh... I heard that there was a massive ten car pile up on the
interstate that...
Thad looks over and sees no one. Only a Bippo-shaped puff of smoke that
slowly dissipates.
THAD
...killed a bunch of... Aw, forget it.
INT. ANOTHER PART OF CIRCUS CIRCUS
Liam runs up to a pay phone. He picks up the phone and digs in his pocket
for a quarter.
LIAM
Aw... I don't have any change! I MUST HAVE KARI WUHRER'S LOST
MOVIE! MUST... FIND... QUARTER!
INT. YET ANOTHER PART OF CIRCUS CIRCUS
The coin of Anubus rolls by and Rock and Tank run after it.
THE PAY PHONE
Liam gets down on his hands and knees.
LIAM
Please, God... All I need is a quarter. You know how much Kari
means to me. Just one quarter, God, please?
ROCK AND TANK
the coin rolls off a balcony and falls. Rock and Tank screech to a halt and
watch it fall.
THE PAY PHONE
Liam is still praying.
LIAM
...and I'll never ask for anything again. Amen.
The coin falls in front of Liam and comes to rest. Liam looks at it and then
back up to heaven.
LIAM
Thank you!
Liam picks up the coin.
LIAM
I want that video so bad... an army of the living dead couldn't
stop me from getting it!
Liam puts the coin in the pay phone and dials.
LIAM
Hello, Blockbuster? This is Liam Smith and I want to reserve a
copy of Naughty Desires.
[a pause]
Only one left?
[a pause]
Oh... so I have to be there in an hour or you'll have to sell
it. I'll be there!
Liam hangs up.
LIAM
YES!!! I got the new lost Kari Wuhrer movie! WHO WANTS TO
TOUCH ME!?
Rock and Tank grab Liam and hold him up against the wall.
LIAM
WHOA! One at a time, guys!
ROCK
D'ah... that funny looking coin... what'd you do with it?
LIAM
You mean that quarter? I used it to make a phone call!
Liam points to the pay phone. Rock and Tank drop him.
TANK
Duh-oh!
LIAM
Look, boys, I'd really like to stick around and all... but...
I've got a video I've got to pick up!
Liam skips out the door singing "I love Kari! I love Kari!" over and over
again. Rock and Tank look at the phone.
TANK
Duh... Miss Malevolous ain't gonna like this.
INT. SENESTRA'S OFFICE
Rock and Tank stand before Senestra having just told her what happened.
SENESTRA
CURSES! The coin of Anubus has fallen into the hands of an
organization more corrupt and evil than I am... the phone
company! Drat... I guess world domination is out of my hands
THIS time.
ROCK
So... Does that mean you're not going to punish us?
SENESTRA
Thank for reminding me, Rock. I almost forgot.
Senestra gets out a pair of pliers, a large rubber band, a slinky, and a
rabid mongoose out of a box marked "torture".
SENESTRA
Come with me, boys.
ROCK & TANK
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
Rock and Tank follow Senestra into the next room. The door closes behind
them and soon the sounds of slapping, crashes, and screaming is heard.
INT. CIRCUS, CIRCUS
We see the pay phone. The camera zooms in slowly and zooms into the coin
slot.
SFX SHOT
The camera zooms into the coin slot and through all of the inner workings of
the phone until we get to the part where all the coins are kept. We see the
coin of Anubus sitting among dozens of quarters. It begins to glow with a
yellow light and a booming voice is heard... it is the voice of ANUBUS.
ANUBUS' VOICE
So, Liam Smith... an army of the undead could not keep you from
possessing the new Kari Wuhrer video. We shall see... NO ONE
mocks the power of ANUBUS!!!
The coin of Anubus disappears.
FADE OUT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
COMMERCIAL BREAK
- When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
- Fixodent and forget it!
- Gotta make the donuts... I made the donuts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN
LAS VEGAS CEMETERY
In the middle of thousands of gravestones, a single bolt of lightning
strikes. When the smoke clears, an imposing man in black clothing and an
Egyptian dog mask is standing there. Of course, this is ANUBUS. Anubus
raises his hands into the sky. Winds begin to howl and the sky darkens.
ANUBUS
Those who have once lived, yet live no more... hear me! I am
Anubus! I alone command you!
Lighting strikes the ground and zombies begin clawing their way out from
under the ground. Within a few moments, there are hundreds of them
surrounding Anubus.
ZOMBIE
Oh, great Anubus... what is your bidding?
ANUBUS
Your mission is to stop Liam Smith from obtaining a video copy
of the lost Kari Wuhrer video, Naughty Desires.
ZOMBIE
Yes, master! At...
[a beat]
That's it?
ANUBUS
Yes.
ZOMBIE
We're supposed to stop some kid from getting his hands on some
soft porn?
ANUBUS
Yes.
ZOMBIE
Oh... Well... Forgive me, great Anubus, but I figured you would
call on the living dead to take over the world or the state or
the city... or at least a couple of blocks! I mean... what is
the point of calling a zombie army up out of the ground for such
a silly assignment?
ANUBUS
I see... it is rather silly, isn't it? Very well... your
mission is to... uh... Ah, I've got it... I want you to... take
over the city of Las Vegas AND stop Liam Smith from obtaining
his copy of Naughty Desires.
ANOTHER ZOMBIE
Can we eat a few people?
ANUBUS
I don't see why not.
ZOMBIES
Yaaaaaaaaaay!
The zombies march into the city. Anubus fans his hand in front of his face.
ANUBUS
By the gods! I forgot how much these people stink!
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Thousands of zombies invade the strip moaning and crying for brains.
ZOMBIES
Braaaaains! BRAINS! Brrrrrrains!
INT. A CAR
A mother and her eight-year-old son are sitting in the car. The son looks out the window
as a dozen zombies walk by the car. He turns to his mom and pulls on her arm until
she looks at him.
MOM
Yes, honey?
SON
[whispering]
I see dead people.
EXT. THE LUXOR
MTV vee-jay, JESSE CAMP is there with an MTV crew.
JESSE CAMP
Whoooooooa... Jesse Camp here with Halloween Bash 2000 in Las
Vegas, maaaaaaan.
PASSERBY
You SUCK, Camp!
JESSE CAMP
I can feel the love, maaaaaan... I'm diggin' it. So, while I,
like, got a camera on me... let me beg you to buy my new album.
Like, no one else is!
ANOTHER PASSERBY
Go to hell, you retard!
JESSE CAMP
Let's talk to some of the party animals here, man.
Jesse Camp turns to his left and we see a large group of zombies eating a
bunch of college kids.
JESSE CAMP
Hey, fellahs... you having a good Halloween?
The zombies look at him but continue eating never removing their eyes from
that genetic fluke, Jesse Camp.
JESSE CAMP
All right! Good to hear it! Have you bought my album?
The zombies are almost finished eating.
JESSE CAMP
Come on, guys, I'm begging you! Buy my album! I'm on the
sixteenth minute of my fifteen minutes of fame!
The zombies have finished eating and have begun to surround Jesse Camp.
ZOMBIES
Braaaaaaaains! BRAINS! Brains...! Braaaaaaains!
JESSE CAMP
So, man... reporting from Halloween Bash 2000 in Las Vegas. I'm
Jesse... WHAAAAAA!!!
The zombie attack Jesse Camp and all of them fall out of frame. After a few
seconds, the zombies get up looking pissed off.
ZOMBIE #1
HEY! Where's the brains!?
They all look at each other, shrug, and walk off.
ZOMBIES
Braaaaaaaains! Brains...! BRAINS!
After a beat, Jesse Camp rises into frame. He is missing a large chunk of
his head and it's even more obvious than usual that he is now a zombie.
JESSE CAMP
Whoa, man... I've got the munchies now for... BRAINS!
The Zombie Jesse Camp gets up and joins the army of zombies.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Liam Smith is running down the street.
LIAM
Must... get to... Blockbuster. Must own... soft core... Kari
Wuhrer... porno movie!
A Volkswagen Beetle pulls up next to him and rolls down the window. BIPPO
and THAD stick their heads out.
BIPPO
Hey, Liam! Look what I found in a pile up on the interstate!
All I had to do was hose out the interior and it was as good as
new!
THAD
Need a ride?
LIAM
Oh, GOD yes!
Liam gets in the car.
INT. THE VOLKSWAGEN
Liam gets in the back. Thad is in the front passenger seat and Bippo is
driving. He rejoins traffic.
LIAM
Thanks, fellahs! I don't know if I could have ran another half-
block.
BIPPO
No problemo, my friend.
LIAM
What's that coppery smell?
BIPPO
Pay it no heed.
LIAM
But it really...
BIPPO
I SAID, PAY IT NO HEED!
THAD
Well, we're here!
Bippo stops the car and Liam gets out.
BIPPO
While we're waiting, what's say we listen to some tunes?
THAD
Sounds like a good idea.
Bippo turns on the radio and the song "Time After Time" by Cindy Lauper
begins to play.
BIPPO
Aw, man! This song bites!
THAD
It sure does! It sucks beyond the normal range of suckage.
BIPPO
You can change it if you want.
THAD
If you don't like it, YOU change it!
Bippo and Thad stare at each other.
INT. BLOCKBUSTER
Liam runs in and grabs the sales clerk.
LIAM
Me Liam Smith. Kari Wuher movie, NOW!
CLERK
Ah, yes... Liam Smith. Well, Liam... I'm glad you're here for
now we can discuss late fees for the following movies: In and
Out in Beverly Hills, Romancing the Bone, Honey, I Spanked
the Neighbor, Some Like it Shaved...
Several people are looking at Liam as though he is a pervert.
CLERK
and finally.... Wing Commander.
A woman in the background faints. Several people start talking about "that
sicko".
LIAM
All right... All right! How much do I owe?
Liam gets out a checkbook.
CLERK
You have about forty dollars in late fees plus the cost of the
limited edition release of Naughty Desires, that comes
out to... AAAAAAHHH!!!
A zombie pulls the clerk behind the counter where crunching can be heard and
the occasional squirt of blood can be seen. Liam is oblivious.
LIAM
Aaaaaahhh? Was that with six A's or seven?
Liam looks up and sees that the clerk is gone.
LIAM
Well! That was just plain rude!
Liam looks down on the counter and sees a copy of Naughty Desires. He
looks to the right, looks to the left, and then back at the video - unaware
of the people in the background being attacked and devoured by zombies. Liam
grabs the video, throws down a twenty dollar bill, and sneaks out of the
store.
INT. BIPPO'S VOLKSWAGEN
Bippo and Thad are singing along with the radio and crying.
BIPPO & THAD
...if you're lost, you can look and you will find it. Time
after time. If you're lost you can look...
THAD BIPPO
[singing] [falsetto]
...and you will find it... I WILL BE WAITING...
BIPPO & THAD
Time after time...
THAD
[whispering]
Time after time... Time after time...
Bippo and Thad begin to cry like babies and hug each other. Liam jumps in
the back.
LIAM
OkayIgotthevideolet'sgo
BIPPO
I will... as soon as all these people get out of the way.
Liam and Thad look up and see a hundred zombie standing in front of the
Volkswagen.
ZOMBIE
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!
THAD
What is this? Is there a Grateful Dead concert in town or
something?
The zombies begin to beat on the car, shaking it violently.
LIAM
What the hell are they doing!?
BIPPO
I don't know but they ain't scratching the paint! I worked long
and hard to steal this car!
Bippo guns it and shoots out of the parking lot. He looks over his shoulder
at the zombies.
BIPPO
Nyaa! Nyaa!
The Volkswagen plows into a '57 Buick. PROFESSOR ARTURO gets out of the Buick
and staggers over to Bippo, Liam, and Thad.
ARTURO
Smith! I should have known!
LIAM
Hi, professor. I-I wasn't driving. Honest! Don't hit me!
ARTURO
Thank heavens I've found you all.
THAD
You found us? Why were you looking for us?
ARTURO
To warn you... Somehow, the Egyptian god, Anubus has come to
Las Vegas and has resurrected an army of the living dead.
BIPPO
Oh, you mean those guys?
Bippo points down the strip to the slowly advancing zombie army who is eating
everyone in sight.
ARTURO
Holy jumped-up Jiminy Cricket!
Arturo jumps into the Volkswagen and locks the doors. The zombies surround
them and start banging on the car.
ZOMBIES
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!
LIAM
Well, THIS sucks.
Liam holds his copy of Naughty Desires.
LIAM
But at least I have you, my pet.
ARTURO
Bippo, you have to run them down!
BIPPO
You want me to run over all these people?
ARTURO
Yes!
BIPPO
Cool!
Bippo throws the car into reverse rolling over several zombies and takes off
down the strip.
THAD
Where are we going?
ARTURO
Back up to the apartments. I've got some people there who claim
they can help.
LIAM
BIPPO! LOOK OUT!!!
A zombie-fied Jesse Camp staggers out into the middle of the road.
JESSE CAMP
Brains, man!
Bippo hits the gas and runs over Jesse Camp turning him into nothing more
than a stain and a few quivering limbs.
LIAM
Bippo, my god! You just killed the zombie Jesse Camp!
BIPPO
He was a zombie?
EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS
Bippo's Volkswagen tears into the parking lot. All of the passengers get
out.
ARTURO
Look! The zombies are almost here!
LIAM
...if only there was a way to distract them!
BIPPO
How about I strip naked, spray myself with honey, and roll on
the asphalt screaming Chim-Chimney Chim-Chim Cherrie?
ARTURO
No, I have a better idea to delay the zombies!
BIPPO
Delay the zombies? I was just thinking out loud!
ARTURO
Thad?
THAD
Yeah?
ARTURO
You're a werewolf, my boy, and I think it's about time we put
that to good use!
THAD
You're right, Professor! I've been cowering behind locked
doors with my condition afraid of it ramifications but never
realizing that it could come in handy from time to time.
Thad rips off his werewolf patch that, if you remember, keeps him from
inadvertently wolfing out.
THAD
All right you zombie bastards... COME GET SOME!!!
Thad changes into the werewolf and rushes at the zombies tearing many of them
limb from limb.
LIAM
He won't be able to keep that up for long.
ARTURO
No... quickly! Get inside! We have precious little time!
Arturo, Liam, and Bippo run inside as Thad/Werewolf continues to attack.
However, it is painfully obvious that he is outnumbered.
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
A three Egyptian men and a very old lady LEIA XUICH are there when Liam,
Bippo, and Arturo enter gasping for air.
LIAM
God, those zombies are really making it stink out there! Smells
like five day old dead dog! Kind of like your apartment, Bippo.
BIPPO
[nervous]
Yeah... heh heh... funny coinky-dink, huh?
ARTURO
Liam, Bippo... may I present Madame Leia Xuich.
LIAM
Well then why don't you?
ARTURO
Why don't I what?
LIAM
Introduce Leia Xuich.
ARTURO
I just did!
LIAM
No, you asked if you could!
Arturo smacks Liam. Liam stands there for a second and then shakes Madame
Xuich's hand.
LIAM
Pleased to meet you.
XUICH
You are... Liam Smith, aren't you?
LIAM
Yes I am and, boy... are YOU ancient!
[a beat]
I just said that out loud just now, didn't I?
Xuich nods.
LIAM
Sorry.
XUICH
Mister Smith, I run the great museum in Cairo, Egypt where the
magical Coin of Anubus rested until it was stolen over a month
ago by this man...
She motions to her guards. One of them hold up the severed head of Mister
Wang.
LIAM
Yeow! Guess he just couldn't stay... A HEAD of you, eh?
XUICH
No, he could not.
LIAM
Guess he'll never be the head honcho any more.
XUICH
[sighs]
No...
LIAM
I suppose...
Xuich slaps him.
LIAM
Sorry...
XUICH
The coin was brought here to Las Vegas and it was here that
Anubus was released.
Zombies begin beating on the windows.
LIAM
Yeah... Duh! What's this got to do with me?
XUICH
Apparently, I found out through my magical incantations that
Anubus has taken offense with you, Liam, and he has raised the
zombies to get even.
LIAM
...but I've never even heard of this Anubus guy! Whys
everybody gotta pick on me!?
XUICH
We will soon find out.
Xuich gets out an ancient book and reads an incantation.
XUICH
Hetarbara juicik nak-taba... ome-kay ere-hay Anubus!
Abubus appears in a cloud of black smoke.
ANUBUS
LIAM SMITH! YOU HAVE OFFENDED ANUBUS! FOR THIS YOU WILL...
XUICH
ANUBUS!
Anubus turns around and sees Madam Xuich.
ANUBUS
Uh-oh...! Uh... M-Madam Xuich I-I-I can explain everything! I
was j-just...
XUICH
Can it, dog boy! You know better than to raise an army of the
undead without asking me! The last time you did it, the
Republican party was formed! You release these zombie now,
Anubus!
ANUBUS
Y-Yes ma'am.
Anubus claps his hands together and all the zombies fall away from the
windows.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
All the zombies fall dead where they stand.
EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS
Thad the Werewolf is still fighting zombie when they all drop dead. He looks
around confused, shrugs, and then runs off to chase cars.
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
Abubus stands before Liam, Xuich, Arturo, and Bippo. The two guards stand in
the background.
XUICH
What have you got to say for yourself, Anubus?
ANUBUS
D'oh, do I hafta?
Xuich grabs Anubus by the ear.
XUICH
Anubus!
ANUBUS
Ow! Ow! Okay! Liam, I'm sorry for sending an army of zombies
after you and killing a few hundred innocent bystanders in your
city.
LIAM
Uh... that's okay, I guess. Who are you again?
XUICH
Anubus, it's time to go home.
ANUBUS
I never have any fun! You never let me! Never! Never! Never!
Anubus disappears into a puff of black smoke and turns into the coin. Xuich
picks up the coin and puts it into her purse.
XUICH
Again... I apologize for this mishap. I'm going to give Anubus
a good talking to when we get home and I guarantee that he'll be
grounded for at least a week.
BIPPO
Cool. You got any more of those coins on ya, lady?
XUICH
No.
Liam shakes her hand again.
LIAM
Well, thanks for getting rid of all the zombies and stuff. I
really appreciate it and...
Xuich clutches Liam's hand tightly. Liam shuts up and stares at her. She
stares at him.
LIAM
You... You're not gonna kiss me or anything, are you?
XUICH
You... Liam Smith... have a destiny ordained from on high! My,
what a destiny it is! Liam Smith, you will...
Her watch beeps.
LIAM
What!? What!? WHAT!? TELL ME!
XUICH
I would... but I'm going to miss my plane. Tah-Tah.
Xuich and the guards leave.
LIAM
DAMMIT!!! What do you think she means?
ARTURO
Oh, obviously hogwash. Superstition or something.
BIPPO
Yeah, like the zombies were a normal thing.
LIAM
Well, I'm just happy that everything turned out okay and that
all the zombies are dealt with and that Jesse Camp is finally
dead and... most important... I GOT KARI WUHRER'S NEW LOST
MOVIE!
Thad staggers in. His clothing is ripped to pieces.
THAD
Anybody got some Listerine? I've got that maggot-ty carrion
taste in my mouth.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Thousands of zombie litter the street. A street sweeper goes by sweeping
them into the gutter. Rats and dogs eat on the rest as we...
FADE OUT
ROLL CREDITS