INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
LIAM, BIPPO, THAD, and HARRY are looking through a stack of papers on the coffee table.

					LIAM
	This is impossible.  We'll never figure out a way to raise a
 	million dollars in six weeks!

					BIPPO
	We could aways...

					LIAM
	If you say "man whoring" again, Bippo, so help me God... I will
 	kill you.

					THAD
	Okay... what type of fundraising haven't we looked at?

Harry digs through the papers.

					HARRY
	Well, let's see... We could cut all power to the complex, cut all
 	the water, all the gas, triple everyone's rent.

					BIPPO
	Blood donations!  What about blood donations!?

Harry enters the figures into a calculator and then shakes his head.

					HARRY
	That would only give us 10 thousand in six weeks.

He drops the calculator on the coffee table.

					HARRY
	That's the end, isn't it?  Upda Creek Apartments are done for.

					LIAM
	Don't say that, Harry!  We've still got six weeks to buy the
 	place from Mister Hilter's before-unknown bitch daughter, Kathy
 	Hilter, so she won't evict us all and turn the apartments into a
 	parking lot!

					THAD
	Why did you just say that?  We all know that!

					LIAM
	I...
					[a blank look]
	What?

					HARRY
	Six weeks?  Six weeks to raise a million bucks?  It might as well
 	be six seconds!

					THAD
	I'm tired of all of this math and hopelessness! Particularly the
 	math!  Liam, do you have any of your "special" movies here today?

					LIAM
	"Special" movies?  Well, I just got Star Trek II: The Wrath of
 	Khan from Amazon dot com.

					THAD
	No... I mean your...
					[he makes eyebrows]
	...special movies.

					LIAM
	I don't...

					HARRY
	HE MEANS YOUR PORNO, LIAM!  PORNO!  PORNO!

					LIAM
	I threw out all of my porno.

Everyone gasps.

					THAD
	You did WHAT!?

					LIAM
	I threw it out.  I figured that I just had no place for that
 	obcene material in my life.  No, from now on I'm going to live a
 	good, clean, and...

					BIPPO
	You lost it in the earthquake, didn't you?

Liam bursts into tears.

					LIAM
	Everything from Deep Throat and Debbie Does Dallas
 	to Hide the Salami and Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!

					THAD
	Okay, forget the hard stuff.  Got any good tit movies left?  You
 	know... the Kari Wuhrer collection?

					LIAM
	Sure... I guess seeing Kari's sweet face will cheer me up.

Liam gets up and goes to the bedroom.

					HARRY
	You know... Kari Wuhrer does have a cute face.

					BIPPO
	She has a face?

INT. LIAM'S BEDROOM
Liam goes to a bookshelf.  He looks over his shoulder to make sure no one is looking and 
then pulls on "A Tale of Two Cities".  The bookshelf slides open revealing a GIANT SAFE 
DOOR.  Liam walks up to the safe door and cranks in his combonation.  The giant door swings 
open revealing a computer and a small camera.

					COMPUTER
	Identify please for retina scan.

					LIAM
	Smith,  Liam J.

A red beam archs out from the computer and scans Liam's retina.

					COMPUTER
	Security scan approved.

Another door opens revealing another room.  Liam enters the room and instantly, several dozen 
computerized guns are trained on him.  He places his hand on a panel and his palm-print is 
scaned.

					COMPUTER
	Welcome back, Liam.

The guns retract and another door opens revealing a rusty old gate.  Liam walks up to the 
gate and tries to undo the latch.

					LIAM
	Come on!  Come on!

The latch doesn't budge.

					LIAM
	THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!

FADE OUT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

THEME SONG
(Sung to the Theme of Family Guy)

The more you surf the internet,
you run across all the useless junk you can get.
But where the heck can you possibly turn to,
for a half-assed decent time?

Lucky there's the Liam Smith Show!
Lucky there's a place that,
brings a smile to your face that,
no one else can quiet match.

(Bippo jumps out)

BIPPO: Death and criiiiiiiiiime!

(Bippo jumps away)

The...
Liam....
Smith...
Shoooooooooooooooow!

Olé!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

Starring

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

Guest Starring

Michael Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"

Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

John Goodman
as
"Elvis"

RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"

and
The Stick
as
"Harry the Handyman"

Special Guest Star

Donald Sutherland
as
"Uncle Sam"

Cletus T. Judd (No Relation)
as
"Buford T. Bumstead"

Rowan Adkinson
as
"Adolf Hitler"

and
Pat Buchanan
as
"himself"

INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam enters from the bedroom holding a VHS tape.  Bippo, Thad, and Harry are on the couch 
waiting for him.

					LIAM
					[holding the tape up]
	I found one I think we'll all enjoy.
					[deep breath]
	This poignant piece was Kari's breathtrough performnance that
 	earned her three Humpy nominations in 1995.  In it, she plays a
 	former hooker who becomes lost in mall and must rely on the
 	handsome young security guard to survive.  It's called... 
	Shopping Maul.

					BIPPO
	Tit shots?

					LIAM
	Fourteen including three butt shots and a partial full frontal.

					BIPPO
	Hot damn!  Put it in!

Liam walks over and puts the tape into the VCR.

					THAD
	Isn't that a new VCR?

					LIAM
	Yeah, I had to buy a new one because my old one kept zapping me
 	back in time everytime I tried watching Wild Things.

Harry straightens up.

					HARRY
	Of course!  I've forgotten about your time-traveling VCR!  That's
 	the key!

					BIPPO
	What the hell are you talking about!?

Harry rises to his feet.

					HARRY
	Six months ago, I tried a radidical new procedure to fix Liam's
 	VCR with a green glowing rock that fell from outer space.
  	Unfortunatly, the procedure also caused the VCR to bend space-
	time and gave it the ability to send matter back and forth across
 	the timeline and sent Liam to 1692 where he was put on trial for
 	being a witch!  Don't you see!?  This is our chance to fix
 	everything!  This is our chance to prevent the death of Mister
 	Hitler and, thus, prevent the forclosure of Upda Creek
 	apartments!  Liam, get your old VCR!

					LIAM
	Uh... okay.

Liam walks over to a closet and begins digging.

					THAD
	This is ridiculous!  You mean to tell me that Liam's had a time
 	machine for the last six months and he hasn't used it to win the
 	lottery or change history in his favor or anything like that!?
  	It doesn't make any sense!

					LIAM
					[off camera]
	Oh look!  Cheese!

SNAP!

					LIAM
	Owwwww!   I got my finger stuck in a mousetrap again!

					THAD
	I get your point.

Liam comes back holding his old VCR and sucking on his swollen thumb.

					LIAM
	Here it is.

					HARRY
	Give me that!

Harry begins hooking the VCR up.

					HARRY
					[while working]
	All we have to do is send one person one year back in time and
 	warn Mister Hilter about his coming fate at the hands of
 	Marmaduke over there.

					THAD
	You're talking about me, aren't you?

Harry finishes hooking the VCR up.

					HARRY
	Now, Liam... how did you go back in time the first time?

					LIAM
	Back in time the first time?  Well, I just hit the rewind button
 	to go into the past and the fast foreward to get back to the
 	present.

					HARRY
	Then everyone hang on to the tape player.  We've gotta go back to
 	the past!

Everyone grabs the VCR.  Harry presses play.  Everyone closes their eyes and takes a deep 
breath.  Nothing happens.

					THAD
	So why aren't we...?

					HARRY
	Mass!  Too much mass!  Obviously, the VCR can only transport one
 	person into the past!

					LIAM
	One person?  But who should go?

					HARRY
	Well, I'm obviously the appropriate choice as I knew Mister
 	Hilter the longest and he would be more trusting of...

					BIPPO
	SO LONG, SUCKERS!!!

Bippo grabs the VCR and hits rewind.

					HARRY
	BIPPO, NO!!!

Bippo vanishes in a quantum leap style special effect.

					HARRY
	SH-[BLEEP!]-T!

					LIAM
	Wow!  Bippo went into the past!  Do you know what that means?

					HARRY
	The destruction of our timeline and the universe as we know it?

					LIAM
	That and the cats in the neigborhood are once again safe.

					THAD
	CATS?  WHERE!?

Thad begins barking.  He jumps out the window chasing the imaginary cat.  Liam and Harry watch 
him go.

					HARRY
					[dissmissive]
	Werewolves...  oy!

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. A PALACE
Bippo appears in the Quantum Leap style special effect and looks around the lavish palace.

					BIPPO
	Wow, swanky!

Bippo walks down the hall.  Camera pans up to reveal banners with NAZI SWAZTIKAS and a
portrait of ADOLF HITLER.

MUSIC STING

FADE OUT

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- Coming soon to a theater near... oh, no wait... it floped.  Okay, coming soon to video, 
it's...  What?  Oh, that bad, huh?  Coming soon to the USA Network, it's Jean Claude Van 
Damme's latest... Hot Damme!  That's right, Van Damme plays a drug enforcment officer 
who goes undercover as a hot dog vendor!  Hot Damme coming soon to US...  What?  
THAT bad?  Ouch!  Coming soon to UPN!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

FADE IN

INT. HITLER'S PALACE - 1940
Bippo wanders through the halls gawking at the arquetecture.  He runs into two ARMED GUARDS.

					GUARD #1
					(subtitles)
	Who are you?  What are you doing here?

					BIPPO
					(subtitles)
	German, eh?  Luckily, I am quite fluent in German.  Greetings, I
 	am Bippo the Clown and I come from the future!

					ECHO
	...future!  ...future!  ...future!

					BIPPO
	I'm looking for Hilter.

					GUARD
	Ach!  The Fuer!  The Clown from the future wants to see the fuer!
  	Take him there at once!

The guard sticks his gun in Bippo's back and starts shoving him down the hall.

					BIPPO
	So, what's the Fuer?  Is that some kind of fraternity nickname or
 	something?

INT. HITLER'S OFFICE
The camera find ADOLF HITLER sitting at his desk petting a white persian cat.

					HITLER
					[singing]
	Pretty kitty calaco,
	You know that I love you so,
	When you got zee...

The guard enters.

					GUARD
	SIR!

					HITLER
	VHAT!?

Hitler chunks the cat over his shoulder and out the window.

					GUARD
	There's a clown from the future to see you, sir!

					HITLER
	KNOCK ON MINE DOOR!  KNOCK NEXT TIME!

					GUARD
	Sorry sir!

					HILTER
	Send zis clown from the future in!

The guard turns to go.

					HITLER
	Just out of curiosity, you didn't... zee anything, did you?

					GUARD
	No sir.  I didn't see you singing to the cat again.

					HITLER
	Good!

The guard exits and shoves Bippo inside.  Hitler stands.

					HITLER
	Zo, you are zis clown from zee future, eh?

					BIPPO
	Is that you, Mister Hitler?  Man, You look young!  And the
 	moustach is very treis bien!

					HITLER
	You zay you are from zee future?  How far in zee future?

					BIPPO
	Uh... the year 2000.  I'm here to warn you that during the summer
 	of 2000, you're going to get attacked and eaten by a werewolf.

					HITLER
	Attacked und eaten?  In zee year 2000?   I live to zee the year
 	2000?  Ach tung!

					BIPPO
	Do what?

					HILTER
	I must zee what zee third reich is like at the dawn of zee 21st
 	century.  You must zend me into zee future!

					BIPPO
	Must I?

					HILTER
	Yes!  I must know...  Do I conquer Europe?  Do those stupid
 	Amerians ever enter the war?  Do I succed in rebuilding the
 	master race?
					[he looks at Bippo]
	Vell, of course I do.  You look like fine Nazi stock!

					BIPPO
					[blushes]
	Oh, DO go on!

					HILTER
	You must zend me to 2000 now!  As your fuer, I order you!

					BIPPO
	No one orders me to do anything!

Hitler draws a gun.

					BIPPO
	But I will readily volunteer!

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

LIAM'S APARTMENT - 2000
Liam and Harry are sitting on the couch watching TV.

					HARRY
	Shopping.... Maul you say?

					LIAM
					[engrossed in the movie]
	Uh-huh.

The doorbell rings.

					LIAM
	DAMMIT!

Liam stomps to the door and throws it open.  Thad is standing there cut, bruised, and 
bleeding.  Cat hair lines his mouth.

					THAD
	Hey guys!  What's I miss?  Has history been irrevocably altered
 	yet?

					HARRY
	Not yet... but Kari Wuhrer's had sex with two different people!
  	One in the Spencers and one at the Baby Gap!

Thad jumps on the couch and starts watching.  Soon, unknown to the three men, a Quantum 
Leap style special effect appears behind them and ADOLF HITLER appears.

					HITLER
	At last!  The year 2000!

Liam, Thad, and Harry turn to look.

					LIAM
	Who is that?

					HARRY
	He looks a little like Mr. Bean... or that German guy in the last
 	Indiana Jones movie that gave Indy that autograph.

					THAD
	Excuse me, but who the hell are you?

					HITLER
	Do you not know who I am?  I am Hitler!  The ruler of this land!

					LIAM
	Mister Hilter's back!
					[a pause]
	Why does he look like Moe from the Three Stooges?

Harry grabs them and pulls them aside.

					HARRY
	You idiots!  I just figured something out!  That's HITLER!  The
 	evil dictator who exterminated millions of people in the 40's and
 	came within a hair of conquering all of Europe and who knows what
 	else would have happened if he hadn't been stopped!

					THAD
	Waaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute!  You mean THAT guy is ADOLF Hitler?
  	What the hell is Hitler doing in the 21st century?

All three pause and then look at the camera.

					HARRY
	BIPPO!!!

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

HITLER'S PALACE: THE DUNGEON - 1940
Bippo has been chained to the wall next to a skeleton.

					BIPPO
	Well, THIS sucks.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

LIAM'S APARTMENT - 2000
An hour later, Hitler is sitting at the table reading a newspaper.  Liam, Harry, and Thad 
look on from a distant corner.  Hitler grows angry and throws the newspaper to the floor.

					HITLER
	Zee clown lied to me!  Zee Nazi party doesn't even exist in 2000
 	and democracy and freedom rein!  It's enough to make my skin
 	crawl!  Zere must be a vay to bring back zee Third Riech!  But
 	who... Who can help me do it?

There is a knock at the door.  Hitler goes to answer it.

					HITLER
	Who is it?

PAT BUCHANAN enters and throws himself at Hiter's feet.

					BUCHANAN
	MASTER!!!

					LIAM
	Aw, hell!

FADE OUT
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
- What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
- Bite my Butterfinger!
- The gotta have sweet gum!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN
  
LIAM'S APARTMENT
BUCHANAN is kneeling at the feet of HITLER as LIAM, THAD, and HARRY watch on.

					HITLER
	Und who are you?

					BUCHANAN
	I am one of your most loyal disciples, Master!  I am 
	PAT BUCHANAN!

MUSIC STING:  DUM DUM DAAAAH!!!

					LIAM
	Pat Buchanan?  The loud mouthed racist politican who's 
	good for nothing but talk show fodder?

					BUCHANAN
	The same!  I can here as soon as I felt the Fuer's presence in 
	the present.  Look!  I brought you a present since you are present!

Buchanan hands Hitler a gift.

					HITLER
	Do vat now?

					BUCHANAN
	It's a pair of iceskates.  I was going to take them to the kids at the 
	orphanage, but then I realized that they're all poor and most likely 
	minorities so they desearve to live in squaller.  Come master, let's 
	rebuild the Nazi empire here in America!
					[salutes]
	Hiel Hitler!

					HILTER
	Uh-huh.

Hitler and Buchanan leave.

					THAD
	We really should do something.

Thad, Liam, and Harry just stand there.

EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Buchanan and Hitler are walking hand and hadn down the strip as the song "So Happy Together" 
plays.  Both are grinning like idiots during the following musical montage.

Now, Hitler and Buchanan are riding the Roller Coaster atop the New York New York.

Hitler and Buchanan have their picture taken in one of those trick boths that make you look 
really muscular.

Hitler and Buchanan share a plate of spagetti.  The two of them accidentally end up eating the 
same strand of spagetti and, like in Lady and the Tramp, the two of them eat until they 
kiss.  Buchanan blushes and turns away.  Hitler pukes offscreen.

EXT. THE STRIP
The musical montage has ended.  Hilter and Buchanan are walking hand in hand.

					HITLER
	Zo, tell me Frau Buchanan... how many followers does the Nazi
	party have today?

					BUCHANAN
	Well, the Nazi's had to go underground after Germany last World
	War II and, since the 1950's, we've secretly been building our
	forces under the guise of a fast food chain.
					[gestures]
	This way please, mine fuer.

Hitler walks through the open glass doors of a fast food restrarant entry.  The camera pans
over until we see a sign that says "DENNY'S... ALWAYS OPEN".   Suddenly, a hand tapes a paper
sign next to it that says "CLOSED".

INT. DENNY'S
Hilter stands in the middle of the room surrounded by dozens of admirers.

					HITLER
	Mine followers!  The Third Riech lives again!

Hitler begins laughing as the crowd begins to chant "Heil Hitler!" over and over again.

INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam, Harry, and Thad are watching the last few minutes of Shopping Maul.

					LIAM
	...and have you noticed how the lack of dialouge acentuates the drama of the...

					THAD
	Titty!

Liam, Harry, and Thad stare closly at the TV.  Harry slaps Thad on the back of the head.

					HARRY
	That's an elbow!

ELVIS enters with a man dressed in a red, white, and blue tuxedo and wearing a red,
white, and blue top hat.  This is UNCLE SAM.

					ELVIS
	Liam!  Harry!  Thad!  Lookie who's here!

					LIAM
	Santa Claus!

Liam bounds into Uncle Sam's lap.

					LIAM
	I want a bike and a horsy and a...

Uncle Sam drops him on the floor.

					ELVIS
	Liam!  What's a matter with you?

					LIAM
					[standing]
	Well, ever since we lost Bippo in the past it seems like the wackiness in 
	this building just went down the tubes.  I was just trying to fill the void.

					ELVIS
	Well, fill the void that is your mouth and shut up for a second.  This 
	is Uncle Sam!  The living breathing personification of all that is great 
	about this country!

Elvis kicks Uncle Sam in the ass.

					UNCLE SAM
	What was that for?

					ELVIS
	Drafting me!!!

					LIAM
	Uncle Sam, what are you doing here?  Why are you here?  How are you here?  
	Why do I have to pay so many damned taxes!?

					UNCLE SAM
	I'm here because Adolph Hitler, the biggest threat to democracy on the 
	planet, has returned and he must be stopped now!  I came here because I 
	need young brave souls to fight him and, besides, the draft worked back 
	in the 40's, why the hell shouldn't it work now?

					LIAM
	The... consitution?

					THAD
	Our unwillingness to fight?

					HARRY
	I'm not 21?

					ELVIS
	I'm legally dead!

					UNCLE SAM
	Okay, look at it this way...

Somewhere, The National Anthem begins to play.

					UNCLE SAM
	Four score and a bunch of years ago, the United States was formed by men
	of vision so that all could be equal... well, with the exception of women
	and blacks.  Oh, and the indians who were here in the first place... but
	we've fixed all of that... mostly.  My point is, the greatest country in
	the world needs your help to stand up against a racist, evil man... and Hitler
	too!  Will you help me?

Liam steps foreward.

					LIAM
	I will Uncle Sam.

Harry looks as if he's about to step foreward, but then sits on the couch.

					HARRY
	Busy.

					UNCLE SAM
	Doing what, young man!?  What could be more important than saving the...
					[Uncle Sam spies the TV]
	Is that Shopping Maul?

					THAD
	Yeah.

Uncle Sam plops down on the couch.

					UNCLE SAM
	Man, I love this movie!  In a few seconds, you can see Kari Wuhrer's Cha-Cha!

					ELVIS
	Cha-Cha?

					LIAM
	Uhhh... Excuse me... What about Hitler?

					UNCLE SAM
	Oh yeah.  Liam, you go handle it!

					LIAM
	I WILL!  I MUST SUCCEED!!!

Liam throws open the front door and leaps outside.

					THAD
	What the hell is a cha-cha?

Uncle Sam points at the unseen TV screen.

					THAD
	Oh.

Beat.

					ELVIS
	Wow.

EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Liam runs down the street screaming a fierce cry.

INT. DENNY'S
Hitler is adressing the new Nazi party.

					HITLER
	Now, before we begin, let us meet some of our new members.
					[points to a guy in the crowd]
	You zere!  Vhat is your name?  Tell us about yourself!

The man stands up.  He is BUFORD T. BUMSTEAD

					BUFORD
	Mah name's Buford T. Bumstead.  Ah'm from Arkansas.  The Ozarks.
					[He gestures to his female compainion]
	This is mah wife.  She's also mah sister.

Hitler reguards him with disgust.

					HITLER
	Anyone else?

An elderly woman stands up.

					WOMAN
	I was led to understand that we would be playing Yatzee.

					HITLER
	Yatzee?

					WOMAN
	This is the Yatzee party, isn't it?

					BUCHANAN
	This is the NAZI party!

					WOMAN
	Oh... My bad.

					HITLER
	Anyone else?  No, never mind!  I don't vant to know!  My god!  Zee Nazi 
	party is now made up of inbred idiots and loosers!  Vhat have we become?  
	Is zere any hope?  Can I regain power?

LIAM SMITH enters.

					LIAM
	Excuse me, I ran out of my apartment in a patriotic rage and I got lost 
	have any of you seen...

He sees Hitler

					LIAM
	HITLER!!!

					HITLER
	It's that funny looking kid from zee apartment I arrived in!  Vhat are 
	you doing here!?

					LIAM
	I came to stop you!  I would have gotten here sooner, but I crashed a 
	Yatzee party by mistake.

					BUCHANAN
	So, you're here to stop us, eh?  You and what army?

					LIAM
	Army?

The Nazis surround him armed with clubs.

					LIAM
	Can't we discuss this?

					BUCHANAN
	Any last requests?

					LIAM
	Yeah, how about...  Wait fifteen seconds.

					HITLER
	Vhat happens in fifteen seconds?

					LIAM
	It's the amount of time that sound travels from the MGM Grand to here.

					HILTER
	So you vant us to wait for a sound?

					LIAM
	No, just something traveling at the speed of sound.

					VOICE
	CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

					NAZIS
	Oh, sh-(BLEEP!)-T!

CAPEMAN bursts through the wall wearing his familiar Purple and Gold (as opposed to the Silver
and gold he wore in the last episode).  Instantly, he flattens all of the inbreed Nazis against
a wall breaking every bone in their bodies.  He turns his attention to Buchanan.

					CAPEMAN
	So, Buchanan!  At last we meet for the first time for the last time.

Capeman pauses, goes over what he just said, and nods.

					BUCHANAN
	Capeman!  How did you get here so quick!

					LIAM
	Did you honestly think I'd go running into an enemy stronghold with no plan 
	whatsoever?  I called him after the old ladies at the Yatzee party kicked 
	my ass.  Thought I could use a little muscle.

					CAPEMAN
	Little?

Liam shruggs.

					CAPEMAN
	Now, Buchanan... It is time for you to die!

Capeman picks up Buchanan by his underwear giving him an atomic wedgie.  He begins walking him
to the kitchen.

					BUCHANAN
	You can't get rid of me!  I'm a member of the reform party!  I'm a presidental 
	candidate!

Capeman drops him in the deep fryer.

					BUCHANAN
				[sinking in the boiling oil]
	I'll never die!  Evil will never die!!!

Buchanan sinks out of sight.  Liam and Capeman watch.

					LIAM
	I guess if first you don't suceed...

					CAPEMAN
	Fry, Fry again!

					LIAM
	Hey, where's Hitler?

					CAPEMAN
	He appears to have escaped.  No matter.  He won't survive 21st century 
	Las Vegas for long.  Kind of like a sea monkey in a tank of Sprite.

					LIAM
	Swell.  Well, thanks Capeman!  Guess I'll be going!

					CAPEMAN
	Not so fast, Tinkerbelle!  A standard kill the bad guys rescue runs about 
	a grand.  I'll need a major credit card from you, pronto.

					LIAM
	What?  Last time I sam you, you said you weren't charging for your services 
	anymore!

					CAPEMAN
	Yes, well... I've changed my mind.

					LIAM
	Capeman, what's with your outfit?  Last time you were wearing Silver and now 
	you're wearing Gold again!  It's almost like that Superman arch in which 
	Superman was split into two different people.  Superman Blue and Superman Red!

					CAPEMAN
	Split into two people?  That's ridiculous!  Don't be silly!

					LIAM
	I guess it is a little far-fetched.

The two of them laugh.

					CAPEMAN
	Now seriously.  Pay me!

Liam reaches for his credit card.  In the background though a window, a man in a Silver and Purple
Capeman costume flies by.

EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
Hitler wanders around.

					HITLER
	Vat should I do?  Where shall I go?

A pink Dodge Neon screeches to a stop in front of him.  Chocolate Treat sticks her head out.

					CHOCOLATE TREAT
	You look lost honey.

She eyes his bod.

					CHOCOLATE TREAT
	Need a lift?

					HITLER
	Yes, I do believe I need a ride.

					CHOCOLATE TREAT
					[as Hitler gets in]
	Not as much as I do.

					HITLER
	Huh?

					CHOCOLATE TREAT
	Nothing.

She holds up a bucket of fries.

					CHOCOLATE TREAT
	Want one?

					HITLER
					[taking a handful of fries]
	Thank you.

He bites into them.

					CHOCOLATE TREAT
	I bought them at Dennys.

Hitler pulls a button out of his mouth that says "BUCHANAN 2000".  He looks at the pin
curiously but is soon distracted when Chocolate Treat puts her hand on his knee and looks
at him.

					HITLER
	Vhy are you looking at me like...?  
					[realization]
	Oh dear.

The car drives away and veers off into a dark alley.  Hitler's bloodcurling scream is heard.

INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Uncle Sam, Thad, and Harry are watching the closing credits to Shopping Maul.

					THAD
	So, if you're my uncle how come I never get any Christmas presents from you?

LIAM enters.  Uncle Sam rises to greet him.

					UNCLE SAM
	LIam!  I was just... er... coming to help you!

					LIAM
	No need.  Buchanan has been dealt with and Hitler was just committed to a 
	mental institution.  I'm not sure what happened to him, but he won't stop 
	saying, "My God, it's full of stars!".  It took the physicians an hour 
	just to get the smile off his face!

					UNCLE SAM
	Well, I suppose we should retreve your clown friend from the past now.

					LIAM
	That's already taken care of too.

					HARRY
	It is?

					UNCLE SAM
	Liam Smith, you've done your country a great service and we will not 
	forget it.

					LIAM
	You won't?

					UNCLE SAM
	Won't what?

					LIAM
	Forget my service!

					UNCLE SAM
	What service?

					LIAM
	I saved the USA!

					UNCLE SAM
	You did?  Well, we won't forget it!  Good-bye, Leo.

					LIAM
	Liam.

					UNCLE SAM
	Whatever.

Uncle Sam leaves.

					LIAM
	Looks like everything turned out just fine!

					HARRY
	'cept Mister Hitler's still dead.

Everyone slumps.

					THAD
	I got an idea!  How about cloning!?

There is a bright light.  Eveyone turns toward it.

					VOICE
	I got an idea, how about you leave well enough alone!

					HARRY
	That voice!  It can't be!

Out of the blinding heavenly light, a dumpy human figure appears.  The figure walks towards
the camera and we see that it is MISTER HILTER clad in white, with a pair of angel wings and
a halo.  He looks a great deal younger with a full head of black hair and a giant stogie in 
one hand and a harp in the other.

					LIAM
	Mister Hitler?

					HILTER
					[rolls eyes]
	Hil-ter, Liam.  Yes, it is I.

					THAD
	All right!  This is great!  Mister Hilter's back!

					HILTER
	I'm not back, Thad.  I'm only here to give you guys some
	closure.  Oh, by the way... thanks for killing and devouring
	me.  I really appreciated that.

					THAD
	Uh... sorry.

					HILTER
	Guys... stop trying to figure out ways to bring me back!  I'm
	gone!  I'm part of the past!  I'm dead!  I'm in heaven!  I mean,
	come on... Heaven... Las Vegas... Heaven... Las Vegas...  Which
	would YOU choose!?

					LIAM
	But Mister Hitler! Your daughter is...!

					HILTER
	I know what that ungratful bitch daughter of mine is doing!  Haven't
	you asked Donner for the money, yet?
	
					HARRY
	Yeah, and he said he'd help... but we haven't seen him in a week!

					HITLER
	Hmm... Well, I'm sure you guys will figure something out.  Me,
	I gotta go.  The Kennedy family's getting togther for a reunion
	that I've been invited to and me and Chris Farley are going to
	take in Sam Kineson live at The Cloud Nine club.  Did I say "live"?
	I meant dead.

Mister Hilter turns to leave.

					HILTER
	Oh, I forgot.  Guys, listen to me very carefully.  The big guy has
	allowed me to give you a message.  He says to prepare... the Worldkiller
	has awakened and it will not be long until it finds Earth.

					LIAM
	What's the Worldkiller?

					HILTER
					[sadly]
	I can't tell you.  All I can say is have faith.  Although Worldkiller is
	a terrifying and unstoppable force of nature...  all you need to defeat
	it is here.

He points to Liam's heart.

					LIAM
	In my stomach?

					HITLER
	Heart, Liam.

					LIAM
					[shyly]
	Did God have a message for me?  You now...  a... personal one?

					HILTER
	Yeah... he said, I hope you liked the Platypus.

Liam smiles.  It's obvious that one one else - not even Mister Hilter - understands
what the message meant.

					HITLER
	What can I say?  God works in strage and mysterious ways!  Farewell, my
	friends!

Mister Hilter walks towards the light.

					LIAM
	Bye, Mister Hilter!

Mister Hitler turns to correct him, realizes that he said his name right, smiles, and waves
good-bye as the light fades.  Liam, Harry, and Thad are left alone in the apartment.

					HARRY
	Liam?

					LIAM
	Yeah?

					HARRY
	How exactly ARE we going to get Bippo out of the 40's?

					LIAM
	I sent a friend.  Looks like everything turned out just fine after 
	all!

INT. A NAZI DUNGEON  - 1945
Capeman (clothed in Purple and Silver) has just freed Bippo from prison.

					CAPEMAN
	Anything before we return to 2000?

					BIPPO
	Yeah, how much is this going to cost me?  Am I going to have 
	to start whoring myself again?

					CAPEMAN
					[laughs]
	No charge, my friend!

Bippo grins and leaves.  Capeman begins to follow.

					CAPEMAN
					[silently]
	No charge.

THE END

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