The Liam Smith Show
Episode 2.16 - "Capeman: The Fury of P.E.N.I.S."
Written by Jason Donner
EXT. OUTER SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
The beautiful blue earth is spinning silently below. In the
distance, a large orbiting structure is approaching. It is
the INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION. As it get's closer, we see
a sign on it's side that says "OFFICE SPACE FOR RENT -
INQUIRE WITHIN".
MISSION CONTROL
(over radio)
Uhhhhh... ISS, this is Mission
Control, uhhhhhhhhh please send up
an update on your latest scientific
research, over?
(static)
ISS, do you, uhhhhhhhhh, read us,
over?
(static)
ISS, come in.
(static)
You guys better not be drinking up
there again.
INT. INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION
Astronauts are floating about the station chugging globules
of beer that are floating in zero gravity and listening to
"Louie, Louie".
ASTRONAUT #1
Yeah! If the International Space
Station's a'rockin, don't come a
knockin'!
ASTRONAUT #2
I KNEW putting a wet bar in this
place would ROCK!
ASTRONAUT #3
Guys, has anyone noticed that large
rock out there?
ASTRONAUT #2
(alarmed)
What large rock?
ASTRONAUT #3
That one over there that looks like
it may hit the earth?
ASTRONAUT #1
Oh, my gentle Jesus! It's an
ASTERIOD that's going to create a
DEEP IMPACT and lead to
ARMAGGEDDON!
They all rush to the window to look.
ASTRONAUT #2
You, IDIOT! That's the moon!
ASTRONAUT #3
Oh. That's a relief, for a second
there I thought that...
(he sees something)
GAH! THERE IT IS! IT'S GOING TO
OBLITERATE ALL LIFE ON EARTH!!!
ASTRONAUT #1
That's the Hubble.
ASTRONAUT #3
Oh, for a second there I thought
that...
(he sees something)
AHHH! DOOMSDAY ROCK! DOOMSDAY
ROCK!
ASTRONAUT #1
That's the moon again.
ASTRONAUT #2
You didn't take the brown Tang by
any chance, did you?
Astronaut #1 puts his arm on Astronaut #3's shoulder.
ASTRONAUT #1
Listen, don't worry about it. The
odds of a near-earth object
entering Earth's gravity well are a
billion to one.
ASTRONAUT #3
Near Earth Object?
ASTRONAUT #1
Yeah, an NEO... Kind of like that
asteriod out the window.
Astronaut #1 and #2 freezes in shock.
ASTRONAUT #3
Oh, that IS a comfort. I thought
we were in real trouble there for a
minute.
(he sees Astronaut #1 & #2
frozen in terror)
Guys? Guys?
(a beat)
Oh, I bet this is about that
asteroid out there, isn't it?
EXT. OUTER SPACE ORBIT
A rock at least a mile wide screams towards the Earth.
FADE OUT.
---------------------------------------
THEME SONG (The Theme to "Batman")
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
POW! BOFF! SMACK!
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
CAPEMAN!
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...
CAPEMAN!
OLÉ!
---------------------------------------
INT. WASHINGTON D.C. - WHITE HOUSE OVAL OFFICE
President GEORGE W. BUSH is sitting at the Oval Office desk.
Capeman is standing in front of him.
GEORGE W. BUSH
...and, even though your the one
who started calling me "Drinky
McDumbass", a nickname that
EVERYONE seems to be calling me
now, I thought that you would be
the perfect one to handle this
problem.
CAPEMAN
Let's recap, shall we Drinky? You
have a rock the size of a Brando
butt-nugget speeding towards the
earth and you want me to stop it?
GEORGE W. BUSH
Correct.
CAPEMAN
Wow... To save the world! I
haven't done that since the last
time I did that. You've got a deal
as long as you live up to my side
of the bargain.
GEORGE W. BUSH
No new taxes. Read my lips.
CAPEMAN
I'd rather read a notarized
contract, but I'm in a hurry. Tah
tah, Drinky!
GEORGE W. BUSH
Here, let me show you to the-
Capeman leaps into the air and crashes through the ceiling.
GEORGE W. BUSH
I hate him.
EXT. OUTER SPACE ORBIT
Capeman soars into outer space. Upon reaching orbit, he sees
the giant asteriod.
CAPEMAN
Ah, there it is. Well, it'll take
much much more than a common rock
to pose a challenge to Capem-
WHAM! The rock hits Capeman leaving only a pair of briefs
spinning in space.
EXT. THE ASTERIOD
Capeman is plastered up against the side of the giant rock.
Slowly and with great effort, he pulls his face off of the
surface.
CAPEMAN
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaughoooooooowch!
(a beat, then normally)
Whelp, back to work!
Capeman leaps off of the surface and then begins to push the
asteriod with all of his might.
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE
SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS is sitting at her desk staring at a small
Game-Boy type object. ROCK and TANK enter.
TANK
D'ah, Miss Malevolous... What
should we's do wit' the T-Fal
cookware you ordered from QVC?
SENESTRA
In the kitchen, you dip.
ROCK
What's dat thingy?
SENESTRA
You know, I built it in my sleep
last night I have no clue
whatsoever what it does. Weird,
huh?
TANK
I make puddles when I sleep.
Senestra's face grows sour.
SENESTRA
Look, just send in Seigfried and
Roy! They've been waiting outside
for almost an hour.
Rock and Tank exit. Seigfried and Roy enter.
SENESTRA
Hello, boys.
SEIGFRIED
Hallo, Miss Malevoulous.
ROY
Vhat can ve do for chew?
SENESTRA
Business, boys. Strictly business.
EXT. OUTER SPACE ORBIT
Capeman is futilely struggling to stop the asteriod from
destroying the Earth.
CAPEMAN
No! It's hopeless! Hopeless like
the rest of Al Gore's political
career! Woe is me, I can't do this
alone!
Suddenly, another pair of arms grabs the asteriod. The
camera zooms back to reveal a beautiful woman in an almost
costume. It is ULTRAWOMAN.
ULTRAWOMAN
Need a hand, Capeman?
CAPEMAN
Ultrawoman? It's a pleasure to
finally meet you. I hear you're
making quiet a scene in the
superhero world. So, did the
president send you as well?
ULTRAWOMAN
Drinky McDumbass? Naw, I just saw
the giant rock in the sky and
decided to come and help. You
mind?
CAPEMAN
I guess not. Just don't get
underfoot.
ULTRAWOMAN
Oh, I have a couple of other
superheroes on the surface trying
to keep the populace for panicking.
CAPEMAN
Good thinking.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
A large muscular yellow-skinned superhero, THE COLLOSAL
CHUNK, and his hyperactive attention-deficit companion
CAPTAIN SPAZ stand in the middle of the sidewalk. People
are milling about like it's a normal day.
CAPTAIN SPAZ
P-P-P-People of Las Vegas! I am C
C-Captain Spaz! My large associate
is the C-Collosal Chunk!
COLLOSAL CHUNK
Me Chunk!
CAPTAIN SPAZ
Now, we've been sent here to
maintain order and to prevent
panicking.
COLLOSAL CHUNK
No panic.
CAPTAIN SPAZ
Which will be very hard since there
is a large asteriod about to hit
this city that will come down like
the hammer of God and obliterate
you and everyone within a hundred
mile radius. Thank you... You may
now go about your business.
There is a two second pause as everyone on the sidewalk looks
at each other. Everyone screams and begins to run in every
direction.
CAPTAIN SPAZ
It was my delivery, wasn't it?
EXT. OUTER SPACE ORBIT
Ultrawoman and Capeman are fighting to keep the rock from
hitting Earth.
CAPEMAN
No use, Ultrawoman! The two of us
can't stop it!
VOICE
But maybe the THREE of us can!
ULTRAWOMAN
Who?
They turn around and see a big fat guy in blue tights, a
tutu, and a fairy wings. He holds a little magic wand that
has a star-shaped tip.
CAPEMAN
Blue Fairy!
BLUE FAIRY
The same! Now, let's ROCK and
roll!
Capeman and Ultrawoman stare at him.
BLUE FAIRY
You know... ROCK and...
Nothing.
BLUE FAIRY
Nevermind. Let's just do it.
The three of them push on the rock with all of their might.
ULTRAWOMAN
It's no use. We'll have to destroy
it!
CAPEMAN
Damn! And I wanted it for my
collection! Okay, on three.
Ready?
ULTRAWOMAN
One...
BLUE FAIRY
Two...
CAPEMAN
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WAIT! WAIT!
WAIT! DO we go ON three or after
three?
BLUE FAIRY
On three.
CAPEMAN
But if we go after three, wouldn't
it make more sense to just count to
four and go ON four... You know,
for better accuracy?
ULTRAWOMAN
Whatever! Just hurry!
CAPEMAN
Okay... One... Two... Three...
FOUR!
Capeman uses his heat vision, Ultrawoman uses lasers that
shoot out of her fingers, and Blue Fairy blasts the asteriod
with his magic wand. After a few tense seconds, the rock
shatters.
BLUE FAIRY
We did it!
CAPEMAN
Indeed we did, Blue Fairy. You,
Ultrawoman, and I make a good team.
We'll have to do this again
sometime. Now, if you'll excuse
me, I have a check to cash.
Capeman flies away.
ULTRAWOMAN
That poor muscular good-looking
muscular dolt. He just doesn't get
it, does he?
BLUE FAIRY
Get what?
ULTRAWOMAN
Don't worry about it, Blue Fairy.
I have a business proposition I
want to talk to you and a few
others about. Something big!
BLUE FAIRY
Oh, you KNOW every time someone
says "something big" I'm usually
disappointed.
EXT. THE SKY
One little rock from the shattered asteriod about the size of
a marble falls from the sky.
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE
Senestra is talking with Seigfried and Roy.
SEIGFRIED
Vhat!? Chew vant us to leave dee
Mirage and come verk for chew?
Chew must be out of your noodle!
SENESTRA
I assure chew... uh, I mean... I
assure you that I am not.
Siegfried and Roy are Las Vegas'
top draw and I want that top draw
to be at my casino... My plans to
rule the world can go just that
much quicker.
BAM! The little pebble crashes through the roof and hits the
little device on Senestra's desk activating it and flipping
it off the table and into Roy's lap. Seigfried and Roy's
attention are captured my it.
ROY
Vhat is das?
SENESTRA
Beats the crap outta me.
Roy picks up the devise.
ROY
Vow! It's like zere is a vhite
sand beach in my mind and zee
tropical breeze is singing zee
name, Henry Rollins!
Roy is in ecstasy.
SEIGFRIED
Give me das!
Seigfried snatches the devise away from Roy and suddenly, he
is in ecstasy.
SEIGFRIED
Oh, joy... It is like zere is a
million happy vhite tigers in my
brain.
Senestra is intrigued.
SENESTRA
Intriguing. It appears I have
invented a technology that
stimulates the pleasure centers of
the brain.
Roy snatches the devise from Siegfried.
ROY
Mine turn!
SEIGFRIED
No! You had your turn, now it is
mine!
ROY
Gimme!
SEIGFRIED
No, chew gimme!
ROY
I'LL KILL CHEW!
SEIGFRIED
I'LL KILL CHEW TOO!
ROY
I'LL KILL CHEW FIRST!
SEIGFRIED
DIE, CHEW BASTARD!!!
Seigfried and Roy begin to fight over the devise. Sesetra
walks over and casually picks it up off the floor.
SENESTRA
Ah, and it's highly addictive as
well!
As Seigfried and Roy pummel each other in the background, she
picks up a phone.
SENESTRA
Hello, patent office? This is
Senestra Malevolous inventor of the
Ginsu gun and the exploding gerbil?
(a pause)
Oh, I'm flattered you remember.
Listen, I'm bringing down a devise
I've invented that I want to patent
and place into mass production.
(a pause)
What's it called? Uh, it's called
a, uh...
(an idea)
A Personal Electronic Neuron
Inhibitor System.
(a pause)
Yes, I know it's a little wordy,
but we can just use an anagram.
EXT. A STORE - A FEW WEEKS LATER
A clerk puts up a sign that reads P.E.N.I.S FOR SALE NOW!
The camera zooms back to reveal Senestra standing there
shaking her head.
SENESTRA
I've really gotta start writing
those anagrams down first.
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
LIAM SMITH is watching TV. A commercial for P.E.N.I.S. is
on.
TV
...and so, if you want to be
popular and be happy twenty-four
hours a day, put a P.E.N.I.S. in
your hand!
Liam switches the TV off.
LIAM
This fad is more than a little
disturbing. Almost but not quite
as bad as Pokemon, even.
Thad and Bippo enter. Both are holding a P.E.N.I.S.
THAD
God, I don't know what I would do
without my P.E.N.I.S., Huh Bippo?
BIPPO
My P.E.N.I.S. is my best friend!
LIAM
Guys, you've been playing with your
P.E.N.I.S.'s for weeks! You
haven't been sleeping, eating, or
even bathing! My God, can't you
see what it's doing to you?
THAD
(to Bippo)
What's with Liam?
BIPPO
P.E.N.I.S. envy.
THAD
Yeah, that's it! You're just
jealous because I've got a
P.E.N.I.S. and you don't.
PROFESSOR ARTURO enters.
ARTURO
Hello, boys. Marvelous day, isn't
it?
LIAM
It's a lousy day, professor. Have
you heard about this new thing on
the market? You know, the
P.E.N.I.S.?
ARTURO
Yes, I have heard of it, my boy.
Quiet alarming that the entire
population of the world has taken
up with a fad so quickly.
LIAM
There! I'm glad someone agrees
with me and is boycotting this
P.E.N.I.S. crap!
ARTURO
Boycotting nothing! I bought
three!
LIAM
What!?
THAD
Way to go, Professor!
BIPPO
Take your P.E.N.I.S. out and show
it to the world!
Arturo takes the devise out of his pocket.
THAD
Is your P.E.N.I.S. supposed to be
purple?
BIPPO
Maybe you should have it looked at.
ARTURO
It's the newest designer colors. I
got tired of seeing all of the pink
P.E.N.I.S.'s around town, so I got
something different.
BIPPO
Tres bien, proff!
ARTURO
It's so wonderful! Everyone has
one of these delightful machines!
Drew, Kevin, Elvis... Even
Chocolate Treat has a P.E.N.I.S..
BIPPO
(looks at camera)
Uh-huh.
LIAM
This is ridiculous! Thad, Bippo!
Get out of my apartment and,
professor, put your damn P.E.N.I.S.
away! I'm tired of looking at it!
Arturo does so.
ARTURO
Oh, come now Liam! Hasn't living
in America taught you to jump on
the bandwagon of every two-cent fad
that comes along?
LIAM
Yeah, but I'm being a rebel this
time.
THAD
Oh, Liam... That reminds me... I
bought you something at the store.
Happy birthday!
LIAM
My birthday isn't until May, Thad.
You know that!
THAD
Oh, well... Uh... Happy
President's Day!
Thad puts the package on Liam's table.
LIAM
Oh, let me guess... It's a
P.E.N.I.S..
BIPPO
We thought you could use one.
THAD
Well, got to be going!
BIPPO
You and your P.E.N.I.S. have a
pleasant afternoon, okay?
Thad and Bippo leave.
LIAM
Professor, I can't believe you're a
part of all of this.
ARTURO
You're taking this way too
seriously, Liam! Me, I love it! I
hold my P.E.N.I.S. up proudly!
LIAM
I'm sure you do.
Arturo leaves. Liam looks down at the package and sighs.
LIAM
...and I thought pocket pets were
bad.
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE
Senestra, Rock, and Tank look at dozens of news reports about
the P.E.N.I.S. devises. Senestra laughs.
SENESTRA
Yes, my plan is working brilliantly
Those simpering fools don't even
realize that they've all become
addicted to the effects of the
P.E.N.I.S. devises.
ROCK
So, what are you gonna do next,
Miss Malevolous?
SENESTRA
Simple, my quivering pile of pre
protoplasmic fluid in stooped-over
human form, I'm going to deactivate
them!
TANK
D'ah, you're going to turn them all
off?
SENESTRA
Yessssssss! With every P.E.N.I.S.
in the world down, the population
will slip into panic and I,
Senestra Malevolous will step in
and take control! World
domination: I can taste it! It's
buttery!
Senestra walks over to a button that says P.E.N.I.S.
DEACTIVATION.
SENESTRA
Hello Earth! It's me, Senestra
Malevolous! BOW TO ME!!!
Senestra presses the button.
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
The professor is sitting in a chair with his P.E.N.I.S. when
the antenae on top droops down and the lights on the devise
goes out.
ARTURO
What the...!? My... My P.E.N.I.S.
has gone limp!
INT. THE WHITE HOUSE
George W. Bush is walking down the hall in a bathrobe with a
toothbrush in one hand and his P.E.N.I.S. in the other. He
stops.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Wha...!? It's stopped working!
This... This am bullsh-(BEEP!)-t!
I'll bomb everyone until my
P.E.N.I.S. is up and running again!
INT. THE KREMLIN
VLADIMIR PUTIN, President of Russia, is banging his
P.E.N.I.S. against his desk.
PUTIN
(subtitles translated from
Russian)
Work, damn you P.E.N.I.S.! Work!
EXT. VATICAN CITY
Outside the Pope's home, shouting in Latin is heard. The
only discernible word is "P.E.N.I.S.".
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam is sitting in front of his TV watching a movie.
TV
Due to technical difficulties, we
are unable to air the rest of Kari
Wuhrer's "Play it to the Bone". We
will instead be airing five
animated shows in a row.
Liam switches off the TV.
LIAM
I hate FOX.
Bored, he looks over at the still-unopened package.
INT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS - LOBBY
The residents are all coming out of their apartments holding
their non-working P.E.N.I.S.'s. DORIS, KEVIN, BIPPO, THAD,
ELVIS, and ARTURO are present.
KEVIN
This is horrible! Is there any
working P.E.N.I.S. in the
building!?
ARTURO
I'm afraid not, my boy!
(a pause)
Who the hell are you again?
DORIS
Well, call 9-1-1, fat boy! This is
an emergency!
Arturo runs over to the phone and dials.
ELVIS
I'm gettin' weak, man! I can feel
the withdrawal pains! It's just
like when I kicked my Kentucky
Fried Chicken habit!
BIPPO
I want a P.E.N.I.S. now!
Arturo in on the phone.
OPERATOR
Hello, thank you for calling 9-1-1.
We're sorry, but all of our
operators are currently unavailable
because their P.E.N.I.S.'s have
stopped working. If you remain
alive, please call back in 5
minutes.
Arturo hangs up.
ARTURO
BLAST! I want a P.E.N.I.S. and I
need it now! I'd do anything for a
P.E.N.I.S.!
THAD
That's it! I gave a P.E.N.I.S. to
Liam! I bet IT'S still working!
ARTURO
That... BASTARD! Let's GET HIM!
EVERYONE
YEAH!
Everyone runs out the door.
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam has unwrapped the P.E.N.I.S. and is reading the
directions.
LIAM
...and place devise into the palm
of your hand. Warning, the
P.E.N.I.S. may pose a choking
hazard.
Liam puts down the directions and places the P.E.N.I.S. in
the palm of his hand. A smile crosses his face.
LIAM
Hey, this is nice. I should have
played with my P.E.N.I.S. a long
time ago.
There is a knock at the door. Liam answers it revealing
CHOCOLATE TREAT standing there with a glazed look in her
eyes.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Liam, I want your penis!
LIAM
You can't have my little devise,
Chocolate Treat!
CHOCOLATE TREAT
What device?
Chocolate Treat is pushed out of the way by Arturo, Elvis,
Bippo, Thad, Doris, and Kevin.
LIAM
Oh, hey guys! What's with the
crazed bloodthirsty expressions?
ELVIS
Give us your P.E.N.I.S., Liam!
LIAM
No, no, no! You can't touch my
P.E.N.I.S.! You don't know where
it's been!
ARTURO
Liam's P.E.N.I.S. is fully
functional!
DORIS
But how?
BIPPO
Who cares!? I want a piece of it!
Everyone charges at Liam. Liam slams the door in their faces
and bolts the door.
LIAM
All of those people all wanting to
touch my P.E.N.I.S.!? I'd be
laughing if I wasn't so terrified!
EXT. MARS
On the surface of the Red Planet, Capeman, Ultrawoman,
Captain Spaz, and The Blue Fairy are looking for something.
BLUE FAIRY
We'll never find that lost martian
space probe at this rate!
ULTRAWOMAN
Hell, the idiots at NASA probably
sent it to Jupiter the way THEY
calculate things.
BLUE FAIRY
We'd like to thank you for coming
all the way to Mars with us,
Capeman. We know it's a little out
of your way.
ULTRAWOMAN
Yeah, but there's something we need
to discuss...
CAPEMAN
(not paying attention)
Too bad. NASA said they'd pay us
handsomely if we could get it back
in one-
(a beat)
What's wrong with Captain Spaz?
ULTRAWOMAN
I don't know.
CAPEMAN
Captain Spaz, are you okay?
CAPTAIN SPAZ
I farted in my space suit.
BLUE FAIRY
Well, on that note, I say we get
back to Earth, okay?
CAPTAIN SPAZ
Can we pick up a bottle of Shower
to Shower too?
Capeman and Ultrawoman fly into space. Blue Fairy picks up
Captain Spaz and follows them. They fly through space at
incredible speed until the Earth comes into frame. They
descend into the atmosphere.
EXT. THE UPPER ATMOSPHERE
Capeman stops and motions for the others to stop as well.
ULTRAWOMAN
What's wrong, Capeman?
CAPEMAN
Some sort of worldwide disaster,
Ultrawoman!
BLUE FAIRY
See? I told you this would happen
if we all went to Mars at once!
CAPEMAN
We all didn't go to Mars at once!
We left Collosal Chunk and Decoy
here to watch things.
CAPTAIN SPAZ
W-W-Well, l-let's go check in with
the big guy and see what's going
on!
EXT. A HOUSE IN THE MOUNTAINS
The heros fly down to the front door and ring the doorbell.
COLLOSAL CHUNK bursts through the door swinging his fists in
fury.
COLLOSAL CHUNK
CHUNK SMASH! CHUNK SMASH!
ULTRAWOMAN
Great galaxies! Collosal Chunk has
gone mad!
CAPEMAN
Decoy!? Oh, god! Where's
Decoy???!!!
DECOY VIII appears as Captain Spaz and Blue Fairy attempt to
subdue Collosal Chunk. Decoy looks like he hasn't slept in a
week.
CAPEMAN
Decoy, thank god your safe! What
happened!?
Decoy looks at Capeman with a woeful look. It's obvious the
young sidekick isn't sane.
DECOY VIII
I-It doesn't work, Capeman! My
P.E.N.I.S. doesn't work!
Obviously, this wasn't what Capeman was ready to hear.
CAPEMAN
Your... penis doesn't work?
DECOY VIII
It went bye-bye.
ULTRAWOMAN
Decoy, doctors can help you with
your problem. You don't...
DECOY VIII
When my P.E.N.I.S. stopped working,
I tried to grab Collosal Chunk's
and play with it, but his didn't
respond to me.
Another thing Capeman wasn't expecting to hear.
CAPEMAN
Uh... and is that why Chunk's
trying to tear off Captain Spaz'
head right now? Because you
grabbed his penis?
DECOY VIII
Partially, but I don't think his
P.E.N.I.S. is working either.
CAPEMAN
Under the circumstances, I doubt
mine would as well. Decoy, nothing
you've said has made any sense!
DECOY VIII
It doesn't matter. NOTHING MATTERS
ANYMORE!
Decoy runs and jumps into a wood chipper spattering blood and
guts all over Ultrawoman and Capeman.
CAPEMAN
DECOY!!! NOOOOO--
(he sees the mess on his
tights)
EWWWWWW, GROSS!
ULTRAWOMAN
Oh, my dry cleaners are SO going to
love this. So, you ever loose a
sidekick to suicide before?
CAPEMAN
I guess there's a first time for-
WHAM! Capeman is clobbered by Collosal Chunk!
COLLOSAL CHUNK
CAPEMAN REASON P.E.N.I.S. NOT WORK!
CAPEMAN MUST DIE!!!
Collosal Chunk grabs Capeman and holds him up by his throat.
COLLOSAL CHUNK
DIE, CAPEMAN! DIE!
CAPEMAN
Gah! What to do? If I fight
Chunk, I could kill him but if I
don't he could kill me! It's save
myself and kill my friend, or spare
my friend and sacrifice myself...
My god, these are the things that
cliffhangers are made of!
Collosal Chunk begins to beat Capeman repeatedly against a
tree.
EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP
SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS is riding down the strip in a hummer with
a tight military uniform on and a control pad in her hand.
She watches the devastation and a smile crosses her face.
SENESTRA
It's all going perfectly to plan.
She pulls out a bullhorn and begins to address the rioting
crowds around here.
SENESTRA
PEOPLE OF LAS VEGAS, I'M AM
SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS.
(a beat)
HI, HOW ARE YA? I COULDN'T HELP
BUT NOTICE THAT YOUR PRECIOUS
P.E.N.I.S.'S HAVE STOPPED WORKING.
I CAN MAKE THEM WORK AGAIN! I CAN
MAKE YOU ALL HAPPY AGAIN! ALL I
ASK IS THAT YOU ALL WORSHIP ME AND
MAKE ME THE UNQUESTIONABLE DICTATOR
OF THE ENTIRE PLANET!
Senestra takes the device and turns the intensity from zero
to 10 percent. The crowd, still holding their P.E.N.I.S.'s
react to the mild boost.
SENESTRA
ARE YOU WITH ME!?
The crowd doesn't even bother to think about it.
Immediately, they rush to the Hummer and begin chanting
"Senestra" over and over again.
SENESTRA
(to herself)
Oh, the P.E.N.I.S. is a beautiful
thing.
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam is holding the door shut as Arturo, Thad, Bippo, Elvis,
Kevin, and Doris try to break it down. Suddenly, the sound
to a chainsaw cuts through the air.
LIAM
I can't believe it! I'm going to
be killed by my best friends all
because they want to possess my
P.E.N.I.S.! Well, I ain't going
down without a fight! If you
bastards want my P.E.N.I.S., you're
going to have to take it over my
dead body!
The chainsaw slices through the door which falls in pieces to
the ground.
BIPPO
THAT can be easily arranged!
DORIS
GET HIM!
ELVIS
KILL HIM!
ARTURO
Save his P.E.N.I.S. for me!
Everyone dogpiles on Liam throwing punches. It is a total
melee.
NARRATOR
Is this is the end of Liam Smith?
Torn limb from limb by those he
trusts the most?
INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE
Senestra is watching events unfold on TV and laughing while
sitting on a throne, wearing a crown, and having her nails
done.
NARRATOR
Has Senestra Malevolous finally
taken over the world?
EXT. THE HOUSE IN THE MOUNTAINS
Ultrawoman, Captain Spaz, and Blue Fairy watch Collosal Chunk
beat the crap out of Capeman all unsure what to do.
NARRATOR
And is THIS is the end of Capeman?
Tune in next time as these and
other exciting answers are answered
on THE LIAM SMITH SHOW!
BLUE FAIRY
Who was that?
ULTRAWOMAN
(shrugs)
Some guy.
TO BE CONTINUED...
ROLL CREDITS