THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 2.20 - "HottieMama2027_"
Written by Jason Donner
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Liam is alone typing on his brand new computer. The camera
pans around revealing that he is in an internet singles chat
room.
LIAM
(typing along)
Hello, again Hottiemama2027_.
(reading)
Hello, Vegas_Valentino.
(typing)
I've been waiting to talk to you
for over three hours. Where have
you been?
(reading)
Sorry, I've been waiting to sign on
with AOL. You know how it is.
(typing)
I can't believe I stayed up all
night last night talking to you.
It's like we have so much in
common.
(reading)
Tell me about it. It's as though
we're destined for each other.
(typing)
So, what do you look like?
(reading)
A bit like that Kari Wuhrer girl,
but not as tall.
Liam stops. His jaw drops open.
LIAM
(typing)
We HAVE to meet!
(reading)
I don't know, I've always heard
that people you meet on the
internet are never what you expect
them to be. Sort of like that
stupid "Jay and Jason" show.
(typing)
I swear I have been totally honest!
Pretty please!
(reading)
Okay, I live in Carson City. I'll
take the bus down there on Tuesday
and we'll meet. I'll be the one
carrying the red furry purse.
(typing)
I look forward to it, HottieMama!
Liam trusts his hands up into the air in celebration.
LIAM
YES!
----
THEME SONG (The Real World)
LIAM: This is the story of a bunch of friends.
ARTURO: Pick to live together in an apartment complex.
STACY: To find out what happens when people stop being nice...
TRIUMPH: ...and start getting stupid.
EVERYONE: THE LIAM SMITH SHOW!
----
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Starring
Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"
and
John Rhys-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"
Guest Starring
Cameron Diaz
as
"Stacy VaVoom"
Leon Lai
as
"Kevin Riley"
William Shatner
as
"Bobby DeHutt"
RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"
and
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
Special Guest Star
Rosie O'Donnell
as
"HottieMama"
EXT. A BUS STOP - TUESDAY
Liam is standing on the platform with a bouquet of flowers
and a box of candy. KEVIN RILEY walks up behind him.
KEVIN
So, who are you meeting, Liam? I
never said anything on the car ride
up here. Just "finally" over and
over again.
LIAM
For your information, Kevin, I'm
meeting my one and only true love.
KEVIN
I thought Kari Wuhrer slapped a
restraining order on you.
LIAM
Yeah, and Shannon Tweed and Jenny
McCarthy... but who's keeping
track? Besides, none of that
matters anymore now that I've found
true love.
KEVIN
What's her name?
LIAM
HottieMama.
KEVIN
I'm sure she is, but what's her
name?
LIAM
I... Uh... Don't know. She just
likes to be called HottieMama.
KEVIN
Oh, Liam... It's an internet date,
isn't it? Listen, those things
never work out! People on the
internet lie like dogs! For all
you know, you where talking to an
overweight construction worker from
Tupelo named Buzz! Trust me, I'm
speaking from experience!
LIAM
It's not like that, Kev! We have a
connection! Our modems are
compatible! Our baud rate is in
sync!
A train begins to pull into the station.
LIAM
OH GOD! That's her train now!
WHAT DO I DO!? WHAT DO I SAY!?
HOLD ME, KEVIN!!!
Kevin slaps him.
KEVIN
Get ahold of yourself, man! Just
look for a red fluffy purse.
Liam gets a hold of himself and he and Kevin look. Kevin
sees something off to the side.
KEVIN
Holy Hanna!
Liam looks and his eyes go wide. There, standing ten feet
away is the most beautiful creature that has ever walked on
two legs. Slowly, she runs her fingers through her hair and
puckers her lips. Kevin and Liam stare in awe.
KEVIN
What chat room are you subscribed
to, anyway!? I'll have to check it
out!
Liam walks up to her, gulps, and starts to speak.
LIAM
Are... Are... Are... you Hottiema--
Suddenly, a large obese woman wedges herself out of the train
door and takes the purse from the pretty woman. This is, of
course, HOTTIEMAMA.
HOTTIEMAMA
Thanks for holding my purse for me,
sweetie!
PRETTY GIRL
Oh, it was no problem.
(To Liam, silently mouths
the word:)
Bye.
Liam longingly watches the pretty girl go, then slowly turns
around to HottieMama.
LIAM
You... Are you?
HOTTIEMAMA
HA! You're Liam, aren't you!? I'm
HottieMama!
LIAM
You can't be...
HOTTIEMAMA
Can't be here? Well, I am! I made
the trip just for you, honey!
LIAM
But you're so fa-
HOTTIEMAMA
Fabulous? Yes, I am!
LIAM
And your so overwe-
HOTTIEMAMA
Over the top? Yes, a little.
LIAM
You've got such a big a-
HOTTIEMAMA
Personality? Buddy, you don't know
the half of it! Oh, COME HERE!
I've been wanting to do this for a
long time!
Hottiemama picks Liam up and gives him a big hug. Suddenly,
Liam disappears.
HOTTIEMAMA
Liam? Liam, where'd you go?
A hand trust up from between Hottiemama's huge boobs.
LIAM
(muffled)
HELP ME! CAN'T BREATHE!
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, aren't you just the cutest
thing?
KEVIN
At this point, I'm a little
confused as to whether I should be
touched or disturbed.
(a beat)
Yep. Disturbed.
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
Liam and Kevin walk in. HottieMama follows after some
difficulty getting through the door. She has a large turkey
leg in one hand.
HOTTIEMAMA
WHOOO! I'm absolutely spent!
Liam, honey... sweetie... dear,
will you excuse me? I have to
powder my nose.
LIAM
Uh... Okay.
HottieMama walks to the bathroom.
HOTTIEMAMA
OH MY GAWD! LOOK AT ALL THE PORNO!
MIND IF I READ?
LIAM
Uh... No.
The door shut. Liam turns around and grabs Kevin by the
shirt collar.
LIAM
Kevin! You gotta help me! She
said she looked like Kari Wuhrer,
but she looks more like Dom
DeLuise! God, she's so FAT!
Kevin shoves Liam back.
KEVIN
Liam, I'm surprised at you! For
God's sake, haven't you learned
that true beauty come from within?
I mean, sure HottieMama is a little
chunky and has an ass so big it's
got it's own zip code, gravitational pull,
and orbiting satellite? None of that
matters, because it's not what's on
the inside that matters, it's what
inside.
LIAM
You're right, Kevin. God, I've
been such a bastard.
Kevin coughs.
LIAM
All this time...
Liam coughs.
LIAM
All this time I guess...
Kevin is now coughing uncontrollably. Liam begins to do so
also.
LIAM
What the...!?
KEVIN
What's that smell!?
There is a toilet flush.
KEVIN
OH, SWEET MOTHER MARY OF GOD!
LIAM
I haven't smelled anything that bad
since that cat died in our heater
ducts!
KEVIN
No, it smells worse! Like cured
lard, rotten milk, and ass!
LIAM
Smells like a sumo took a dump on a
burning tire!
KEVIN
Smells like a dog puked up some bad
shrimp on a hot plate!
There is another flush!
LIAM
Oh, GOD! It's a double flusher!
KEVIN
That is nasty!
LIAM
It's repugnant!
KEVIN
Smells like dog poo boiled in cat
pee!
Another flush.
KEVIN
GAH! A triple! Liam, I'm getting
out of here! You and Shamu have a
nice life!
LIAM
What about what you said about true
beauty being on the inside?
KEVIN
Probably still true in her case! A
Supermodel could be TRAPPED INSIDE
HER!!!
LIAM
Kevin! Don't go! This is no
different then the time me and you
took on the army of man-eating
gargoyles or fought the lava
monster that Satan released
downtown!
KEVIN
No, Liam... This is MUCH WORSE!!!
Kevin exits. Liam looks nervously at the bathroom door and
begins to sneak out. Before he can exit, HottieMama re
enters the room fanning the air and laughing.
HOTTIEMAMA
WHOOO! That's what I call a four
alarmer! Did you know that coconut
is a natural laxative?
(she looks around)
Ah, I see that your mysteriously
underdeveloped friend has left.
LIAM
Yep, he...
HOTTIEMAMA
Meaning that we're all alone.
LIAM
Yeah, I guess we...
(a beat)
Oh, no...
HOTTIEMAMA
Liam, or shall I say "Vegas
Valentino", I've been waiting for
this for a long, long time. Ever
since you logged on and asked in
the sweetest way, "What's this
room?".
Hottiemama begins to seductively approach him. Liam backs up
against the wall.
LIAM
Err... Uh... HottieMama, I don't
think this is appropriate here
since, uh...
Liam opens up the door, grabs STACY out of the wall, and
shoves her inside.
LIAM
Well, I was expecting company.
STACY
Liam, she's a whale! What the
hell's going--
Liam nudges her with his elbow.
LIAM
Stacy, this is HottieMama.
HottieMama, this is Stacy.
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, Stacy... I love that dress!
STACY
My dress? Oh, that's nothing!
Where'd you get that onyx necklace?
HOTTIEMAMA
Necklace? Oh, sorry... I forgot to
wash my chins this morning.
She gets out a wet-nap and rubs the black off of her chins.
Stacy and Liam react in horror.
STACY
Liam, I want to go now.
LIAM
NO! No, you can't go, Stacy! You
can't leave me alone under any
circumstances! Do I make myself
clear?
Stacy rolls her eyes in understanding.
STACY
Fine.
(to HottieMama)
So, where did you and Liam meet?
HOTTIEMAMA
A singles website.
STACY
Oh, THAT explains it. You know, I
was in one of those chat rooms once
and ended up talking to a man I got
to like... turned out it was K.D.
Lang.
HOTTIEMAMA
Ouch. Yeah, I've been burned in
those websites myself. Just
recently, I...
There is a rumbling. The entire apartment shakes.
LIAM
What is that? Another earthquake?
HOTTIEMAMA
No, that was me. When do we eat,
lover?
INT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS - LOBBY
Kevin is talking to ARTURO and TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG.
TRIUMPH
...and so I says to him, SOME dogs
still eat their own poop, but you
don't see me lining up for tickets
to EFX!
Kevin laughs.
TRIUMPH
I kid... I kid... I think that
David Cassidy is a great man and a
great entertainer...
A beat, Triumph walks over and takes a drink of water out of
his bowl, he straightens his tie, and takes a puff of his
cigar.
TRIUMPH
FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!
Kevin applauds wildly.
KEVIN
Triumph, that act will kill at the
MGM!
ARTURO
Juvenile potty humor! That's what
it was! Designed to appeal to the
base elements of society.
TRIUMPH
Perhaps you do have a point,
professor... But here's another
one. SHUT YOUR FAT LIMEY MOUTH!
KEVIN
Oh, hey... Speaking of fat, have
you guys gotten a load of Liam's
date?
ARTURO
What? What's wrong with her?
KEVIN
Let's just say that if she ever
jumped into the Grand Canyon, she'd
get stuck.
TRIUMPH
Ah, a big woman, yes?
KEVIN
The planet Jupiter is big. This
woman is enormous.
ARTURO
You should not make fun of one's
weight, Kevin. A lot of people
cannot help it.
TRIUMPH
Besides, I've had a lot of fun with
fat chicks.
KEVIN
You have?
TRIUMPH
Yes, yes, yes... A fat woman is
like a moped. They're really fun
to ride, but you don't want to let
your friends find out.
ARTURO
Perhaps we should go pay our
respects, Triumph.
TRIUMPH
Why not, professor? It sounds
dandy. You want to come with,
Kevin Riley?
KEVIN
No, thanks... I have... Uhm...
BUSINESS I have to attend to.
Kevin leaves.
ARTURO
What is he leaving in such a darn
hurry for?
TRIUMPH
Oh, come on Professor... You're
acting like you suspect he's
Capeman or something and that's
just ridiculous.
Triumph sorts. He and Arturo exit.
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - AS BEFORE
The doorbell rings. Liam goes to answer it. It's Triumph
and Arturo.
ARTURO
Hello, Liam! Triumph and I were in
the neighborhood and we--
They stop seeing HottieMama for the first time.
TRIUMPH
Holy humped mailman leg! That is a
WHOLE LOT of woman!
ARTURO
We... er... We're here to welcome
the girth... Uh, I mean BIRTH of
your new friendship to this cow...
I mean, sow... I mean... GAL!
TRIUMPH
You're so big, NASA had to send a
space probe to find Uranus!
LIAM
I... Uh... met HottieMama in an
internet chat room.
ARTURO
Oh, yes... You can meet lot's of
uh... interesting people on the
world wide ass... WEB! World Wide
Web!
TRIUMPH
She's so fat, we're all inside her!
ARTURO
So... Uh... Er... Uhm... What...
What are you going to be eating
tonight... I MEAN, doing tonight.
HOTTIEMAMA
Liam.
Arturo looks at Liam and puts a hand on his shoulder.
ARTURO
(whispers)
Good luck, my boy.
TRIUMPH
You know what her toes and Jimmy
Hoffa have in common? No one has
seen either in twenty years!
ARTURO
Well, we have to be growing... I
mean, going! You know, it's late
and I don't want to overeat... I
mean, oversleep tomorrow. I guess
we need to... Uh... Let's go,
Triumph.
TRIUMPH
My god, she's so fat I just have to
look at her and say, got-damn!
That's a big fat ass!
HOTTIEMAMA
I'm just big boned.
ARTURO
You must have a huge bone in your
ass then.
Arturo covers his mouth as if he's surprised he even said
that. He grabs Triumph by the scruff of the neck and hauls
him out the door.
TRIUMPH
Professor! I am impressed!
They exit. HottieMama claps her hands together and rubs
them.
HOTTIEMAMA
So, what now?
STACY
I should probably go.
LIAM
NO! NO! STACY, please stay! I
Was just going to suggest that we
all go to dinner at Chez Whiz!
STACY
Chez Whiz! Liam, that's the most
expensive and most French
restaurant in all of Las Vegas!
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, sounds delectable!
LIAM
So, would you like to come with us,
Stacy?
STACY
Oh, what the hell? That is, unless
you object... Uh... HottieMama.
HOTTIEMAMA
No objections from me, honey... As
long as you don't jump into the
sack with us for the night of
steamy hot lovemaking we're
planning on having all night long!
Liam whimpers as he follows Stacy and HottieMama out the
door. After they're all gone, CHOCOLATE TREAT strolls out of
the kitchen eating a can of Pringles. A tear is flowing down
her face.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
My... My... little Liam's got
himself another woman? Don't he
realize that he is my one and only?
She throws the can down.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
WELL, I'm not about to give my
little love-pump up so easily!
HottieMama, you want a fight, you
fat bitch! Well, you gonna get it!
EXT. CHEZ WHIZ
It is an exquisite structure with fountains and sculpted
hedges. In the parking lot, we see Lamborginis, Ferraris,
Porches, Vipers, Hummers and all sorts of expensive cars. We
also see the beat-up pick-up truck Liam drives.
INT. CHEZ WHIZ
Stacy, Liam, and HottieMama are seated. A Waiter approaches
them.
WAITER
Oui, Oui, I vill be your wait-tor,
mah name his Jaques. Are you ready
to order?
HOTTIEMAMA
Tell the cook to start cookin' on
three of your biggest lobsters,
three soufflés, and bring three
bottles of your finest champagne.
(to Liam and Stacy)
What'll you two be having?
STACY
(nervously)
I'll just have a salad and water.
LIAM
Same here.
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, and can you bring me a diet
coke?
WAITER
Diet?
HOTTIEMAMA
Chop Chop, froggy!
The waiter turns up his nose and walks off.
STACY
Wow, I've never seen a restaurant
that required a credit check and a
down payment before! This is
really sweet of you, Liam.
HOTTIEMAMA
Yeah, much nicer than the drive
through at McDonalds!
LIAM
Well, you know... It's nothing.
(silently)
If you consider six hundred bucks
nothing.
HOTTIEMAMA
Seriously, though... Liam. I just
wanted to say thank you. I don't
know if you've noticed or not, but
I am a little heavy.
Liam and Stacy look at each other and then back at
HottieMama.
LIAM
Heavy?
STACY
You? No!
HOTTIEMAMA
You're both sweet, but it's true.
I heard everything that friend of
yours and that talking dog said.
HottieMama is silent.
LIAM
Hottie, I'm sorry.
HOTTIEMAMA
You know, being the way I am... you
get used to the hoots and the
hollers. "Hey, fatty!" and things
like that. After a while, you just
start to block them out and make
them a normal part of your day...
But, every now and again, someone
like you and Stacy comes along and
makes me feel special and accepted
and...
She's crying now.
HOTTIEMAMA
I know I told you I looked like
Kari Wuhrer, Liam... And I'm sorry.
I must have ruined this whole thing
for you!
Stacy suddenly gets up.
STACY
Excuse me for a second.
She runs off.
LIAM
Stacy? What's...!?
HOTTIEMAMA
You'd, uh... better go and see if
she's all right.
Liam nods and goes after her.
INT. CHEZ WHIZ - ANOTHER PART OF THE RESTAURANT
Stacy is standing by the wall with her back to the camera.
Liam walks up to her.
LIAM
Stacy? You okay?
Stacy turns around. Tears are streaming down her face.
STACY
Oh, god Liam. We were so cruel to
her and all she wanted was a
friend.
LIAM
Stacy... It's all right.
STACY
No, it's not all right! Who the
hell are we to judge a person on
the way they look! It makes us bad
people, Liam!
Liam thinks about that.
LIAM
Well then, if that's the way you
feel... We're going to have to make
things right.
STACY
What do you mean?
LIAM
I mean that if HottieMama wants a
friend, let's give her two! Me and
you! Let's make this the best damn
date she's ever been on!
STACY
Liam, that's so sweet.
LIAM
Well, it seems the only sensible
thing to-
Stacy gives Liam a kiss on the forehead. She stops as
thought the action has surprised her. Suddenly, she snaps
out of it.
STACY
Come on. Let's go sit with our
friend.
INT. CHEZ WHIZ
HottieMama is sitting at the table when Liam and Stacy
return.
HOTTIEMAMA
Everything all right, shug?
STACY
It was nothing. I just had...
Uh... I had...
LIAM
Explosive diarrhea.
STACY
(fume)
Thanks, Liam.
(to HottieMama)
So, what do you want to do next?
We could see the sights, take in a
movie... You name it. It's your
night!
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, honey... That's so sweet of
you.
LIAM
Hey, it's nothing for a friend.
The waiter returns with a large covered dish.
WAITER
Dinner is served.
LIAM
Well, that was fast.
WAITER
It was a special order from a
secret admirer.
HOTTIEMAMA
A secret admirer, well I declare!
I'M just making friends left and
right in this city!
HottieMama takes the cover off the plate revealing a giant
LIVE PIG which squeals and jumps into HottieMama's lap.
Hottie screams and the pig finally runs away. Liam and Stacy
jump up to help.
INT. CHEZ WHIZ - THE KITCHEN
The waiter struts through the door and meets up with
Chocolate Treat.
WAITER
Zere, that will teach that pig to
come into my restaurant again!
When will fat people learn not to
come out into public as it offends
us normal folk.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Oh, Jaques! That was brilliant!
That'll teach that lard bag to stay
away from my Liam.
(wild look)
Here, let me give you your reward.
Chocolate Treat grabs the waiter and throws him into a nearby
freezer. She leaps on top of him and the freezer door closes
blocking our view.
WAITER
SACRE BLUE!
There is a high-pitched girly scream.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Oh, SHUT UP AND PUT OUT!
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - THE NEXT DAY
The sun is coming up through the window. HottieMama is
watching it but doesn't say a word. Liam and Stacy are
sitting at the kitchen table watching her.
LIAM
She hasn't moved from that spot
since last night. I feel awful.
STACY
There wasn't anything you could
have done.
LIAM
No, I mean about the whole
situation! When she first showed
up, all I saw was that she was fat
and I pre-judged her without even
bothering to get to know the person
she truly is! That makes me just
as bad as that asshole waiter. I
mean, it's just as bad as me
stereotyping a black guy or
something!
STACY
Liam, we both did and now Hottie's
suffering for it.
HOTTIEMAMA
(whispering)
Liam...
Liam reacts. He leaps to his feet and kneels at Hottie's
side.
LIAM
Yeah, Hottie?
HOTTIEMAMA
I am so sorry I ruined your dinner.
LIAM
You didn't! It was...
HOTTIEMAMA
I lied to you.
LIAM
Hottie, you don't have to...
HOTTIEMAMA
I told you I was thin and gorgeous.
That's the thing about those chat
rooms I like the most, you know...
I can be anything. People talk to
you and they don't see... this.
They actually talk TO you and you
can be anything you want to be...
even if it is for a little while.
LIAM
Hottie... You have nothing to
apologize for. I mean, if you want
to be technical, Do I look like a
six-foot Matt Damion look alike?
Hottie laughs about that.
HOTTIEMAMA
I'll be leaving in a few hours to
catch a bush back to Carson City.
LIAM
Do you have to?
HOTTIEMAMA
You're nice, Liam... but I can tell
that you don't want me.
LIAM
I want you as a friend and I mean
that.
HOTTIEMAMA
I know, sugar. But at my age, you
start looking for something more
permanent. You know how I said you
get used to things like people
taunting you? Well, you get used
to others too. People snickering
at you when you go to buy clothes,
the people sneering at you when you
eat, and now... I guess I'm just
going to have to get used to being
alone.
They sit there for a second, then Liam gets an idea.
LIAM
How many hours did you say?
HOTTIEMAMA
What?
LIAM
How many hours did you say before
your bus left?
HOTTIEMAMA
It leaves at eleven.
LIAM
I see. Well, we'll meet you at the
bus station.
HOTTIEMAMA
You what?
LIAM
We'll meet you at the bus station.
Stacy and I have something we have
to do.
STACY
We do?
LIAM
Yeah, we do! Come on!
Liam grabs Stacy by the arm and they both go out the door.
HottieMama watches them go.
FADE TO
EXT. A BUS STOP
HottieMama is sitting on a bench waiting for the bus. A
group of teenagers walk by in the background yelling things
at her. She just lets it slide. Liam appears through a
door.
LIAM
HottieMama?
Hottie turns around, sees him, and smiles.
HOTTIEMAMA
I didn't think you were going to
make it.
LIAM
Well, you know... I'm kind of glad
you're going.
HOTTIEMAMA
(sadly)
Oh...
LIAM
No! No! Not like that! You see,
I have a friend that needs to go to
Carson City too and I told him all
about you and, well... if you don't
mind, he'd like to meet you.
HOTTIEMAMA
Liam, if you're setting me up on a
date, you can just forget...
Stacy comes around the corner with BOBBY DeHUTT. Hottie sees
him and melts.
HOTTIEMAMA
...about worrying about him.
STACY
Oh, there you are, Hottie. Hottie,
this is Bobby. Bobby, this is
Hottie.
BOBBY
Mmmm, charmed!
Bobby kisses Hottie's hand.
HOTTIEMAMA
Aren't you the smooth one?
LIAM
(to Stacy)
I see those Hooked on Phonics tapes
are doing wonders for Bobby's
English.
BOBBY
Stacy told me all about you,
HottieMama, but I don't think she
mentioned how ravishing you are.
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, stop! Bobby, dear... you're
just going to keep sweet talking me
until I don't wanna want to let you
go?
BOBBY
I'm not trying to escape.
HOTTIEMAMA
Oh, thank GOD!
CUT TO:
EXT. A CHURCH - A FEW WEEKS LATER
HottieMama and Bobby run out the front doors in wedding
attire. The gang runs out after them throwing rice and
yelling congratulations Liam and Stacy are the last two out.
The camera focuses on them.
STACY
Not a bad month, huh? We saved a
woman from despair, helped out a
lonely friend, helped them both
find true love, and faced an ugly
fact about ourselves and changed
it.
LIAM
Yeah.
STACY
Liam, I think it was really sweet
of you what you did.
LIAM
Well... it's nothing anybody else
would have done.
STACY
Nobody else did it, Liam. Just
you.
They look at each other.
HOTTIEMAMA
(off screen)
Hey, STACY!
Stacy looks.
EXT. A CHURCH - ANOTHER ANGLE
Bobby and Hottie are getting into their limo. Hottie stands
up and throws her wedding bouquet.
EXT. A CHURCH - ON LIAM AND STACY
Stacy catches the flowers.
EXT. A CHURCH - ON HOTTIEMAMA AND BOBBY
HottieMama smiles, winks, and gets into the car. It drives
away.
EXT. A CHURCH - ON LIAM AND STACY
Stacy looks down at the flowers and then at Liam. Liam looks
at the flowers and then at Stacy. They stare at each other
for a minute until, finally...
LIAM & STACY
Naha
INT. THE LIMO
Bobby and HottieMama are sitting side by side. Bobby pours
Hottie a glass of champagne and then pours one for himself.
HOTTIEMAMA
And to think, Bobby... I never
would have met you if it hadn't
been for me trying to score with
Liam. Isn't it funny how things
work out sometimes?
BOBBY
You think it would have worked out
between you two?
HOTTIEMAMA
Nah... He was too damn skinny!
Bobby and Hottie laugh and then kiss.
EXT. THE OPEN ROAD
The limo flies down the road with the words "JUST MARRIED"
written on the back. They drive off into the sunset as we...
FADE OUT
THE END
ROLL CREDITS