The Liam Smith Show
Episode 2.21 - "Love: Doggie Style"
Written by Jason Donner


               INT. A CLUB

               Through all of the dancing couples and loud music, the camera
               find THAD COFFEY and BIPPO THE CLOWN standing at a bar
               surveying the crowd.

                                   BIPPO
                         Oh, yeah!  I can feel it!  We're
                         gonna get some action tonight!

                                   THAD
                         I don't know about this.

                                   BIPPO
                         Oh come on, wolf-boy!  You haven't
                         been on a date in over a year!

                                   THAD
                         So I'm a little self-conscious
                         about being a man-eating werewolf. 
                         You'd be surprised how much it eats
                         into your sex life.

                                   BIPPO
                         When WAS the last time you had sex? 
                         You know, with another person?

                                   THAD
                         That's none of your business!

                                   BIPPO
                         THAT LONG!?  Holy crap, man!

                                   THAD
                         Shut up, Bippo.

                                   BIPPO
                         You could, like, be a priest or
                         something!

                                   THAD
                         Shut UP Bippo!

               A beautiful woman goes to the bar and stands next to Thad. 
               She gives him a sly smile and he smiles back.

                                   BIPPO
                             (nudges Thad)
                         Go for it, man!

               Thad swallows nervously and clears his throat.

                                   THAD
                             (to woman)
                         Uh... Hi.

                                   WOMAN
                         Hello.

                                   THAD
                         So, what are you doing tonight?

                                   WOMAN
                         Are you a werewolf?

                                   THAD
                             (shocked)
                         Uh...
                             (a beat)
                         N-No.  No I am not.

                                   WOMAN
                         I'm sorry, but I only date
                         werewolves.

               She leaves.  Thad looks at Bippo.

                                   THAD
                         My life sucks.

               EXT. A ZOO - NIGHT

               Thad is walking alone.  He looks up and sees the full moon
               shining down on him.  He checks his werewolf patch.

                                   THAD
                         Boy, these things are lifesavers.

               He walks by cage full of wolves.  He leans on the rail and
               looks at them.

                                   THAD
                         You guys have it too easy.  It's
                         just smell and score for you, isn't
                         it?  Oh, why can't I just be one
                         species?

               There is a twig snap behind him.  He whirls around.

                                   THAD
                         Hello?  Who's there?

               A beautiful woman comes out of the shadows wearing a zoo
               keepers uniform.  She's pretty hot with long frazzled hair
               and exotic features.

                                   THAD
                         Oh, you scared me!  I thought you
                         were... I don't know, something
                         dangerous or something.  I'm sorry,
                         I'm babbling aren't I?  I'm Thad
                         Coffey?  What's your name?

               The woman stands there looking at him.

                                   THAD
                         You DO have a name, don't you?

               She begins to speak.

                                   AYISHA
                         Ayisha.

                                   THAD
                         Beautiful name.  So, what's a
                         lovely lady like you doing in a zoo
                         like this at this time of...

               Ayisha walks over, grabs him, and kisses him forcibly.

                                   THAD
                         You're right.  Enough foreplay!

               They begin a session of heavy petting and fall out of frame. 
             The wolves in the cage congregate and watch the woopie.

               -----------

THEME SONG (sung to the theme of "The Jeffersons")

Hey you better perk up!
(better perk up!) 
'Cause it's time... 
(you better perk up!) 
...for the internet show that's one of a kind! 
You better perk up! 
(better perk up!) 
Don't you know? 
(better perk up!) 
It's time for the Liam Smith Show!
 
It don't air on the TV! Just right here on the net! 
No networks would touch this thing, 
and that is a real sure bet! 
Don't you go and get depressed! 
An internet show's more fun! 
A lot of what you see is up to you, 
Just use your imagination! 

Hey you better perk up! 
(better perk up!) 
'Cause it's time... 
(you better perk up!) 
...for the internet show that's one of a kind! 
You better perk up! 
(better perk up!) 
Don't you know? 
(better perk up!) 
It's time for the Liam Smith Shooooooooooooooooow!

OLÉ! 

------------

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

Starring

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

and
John Ryhs-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"

Guest Starring

Michael Nelson
as
"Thad Coffey"

Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

and
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Special Guest Star

Lucy Lui
as
"Ayisha"

               -----------

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               LIAM SMITH and BIPPO THE CLOWN are watching TV when Thad
               enters from the front door humming.

                                   THAD
                         Good morning, buds!

                                   LIAM
                         You look awful happy today.

                                   THAD
                         Let's just say I had the best time
                         of my life last night.

                                   BIPPO
                         After you left the club alone?  I
                         thought you--
                             (a beat)
                         Oh my God, you had sex last night,
                         didn't you!?

                                   THAD
                         Well, not to brag or anything,
                         but...  HELL YES!!!  I reaffirmed
                         my manhood for hours, baby!  YEAH!

                                   LIAM
                         Anyone we know?

                                   THAD
                         I'm not sure.  I Only caught her
                         first name... Ayisha.

                                   BIPPO
                         Well, come on, man!  We want
                         details!  We want specifics!  We
                         want polariods if you got 'em!

                                   LIAM
                         So, tell us about the lucky lady!

                                   THAD
                         Well, her name is Ayisha and I
                         think she works at the zoo.  That's
                         about as far as I got before we
                         locked lips, ripped each others
                         clothes off, and did the nasty.

                                   LIAM
                         Wait a minute, you don't know who
                         she is, where she comes from, or
                         what she does?

                                   THAD
                         No.

                                   BIPPO
                         Why won't any of MY dates keep
                         their traps shut like that?

                                   LIAM
                         Are you going to see her again?

                                   THAD
                         I guess so.  I couldn't find her
                         this morning when I crawled out of
                         the zookeeper's shack.

                                   LIAM
                         So, what are you going to do next?

                                   THAD
                         I guess I should go looking for
                         her.  I mean, we had a
                         connection... You know?  It wasn't
                         anything we said or anything we
                         did, it was more like... Oh,
                         something intangible, you know?  I
                         could just sense it.

                                   LIAM
                         Well congratulations, Thad.  If
                         anyone besides me should find true
                         love, I think you'd be at least in
                         the top fifteen.

                                   THAD
                         Thanks, Liam.  That means a lot.

               EXT. THE ZOO - DAY

               Thad is talking to a zookeeper.

                                   THAD
                         What do you mean, you never heard
                         of her!?

                                   ZOOKEEPER
                         Look, Mac, no one by the name of
                         Ayisha works here.  I Would have
                         remembered the name and sexually
                         harassed her at least once.  Oh,
                         that reminds me... I have that
                         sensitivity training seminar to go
                         to.  Good luck finding your lady,
                         man!

               The zookeeper leaves.

                                   THAD
                         Oh, poopies!

               EXT. THE ZOO - SUNSET

               Thad is walking among the areas and cages with his hands in
               his pockets looking for Ayisha.

               EXT. THE ZOO - NIGHT

               Thad walks into frame.

                                   THAD
                         Well, I guess it was nice while--

               There is the sound of a twig snapping behind him.  He whirls
               around, and there is Ayisha.

                                   THAD
                         It's you! I--

               Ayisha forcibly kisses him and the two of them fall out of
               frame.  After a second, Thad leaps to his feet.
                                   THAD
                         WAIT A MINUTE!

               Ayisha stands.

                                   THAD
                         Look, it's not that I don't
                         appreciate what you're doing.  I
                         mean, I really really do... but
                         don't you think we should talk
                         first?

                                   AYISHA
                         Talk?

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, you know?  Talk.

               He holds out his hand.

                                   THAD
                         I'm Thad Coffey.

               Ayisha looks at his hand suspiciously.

                                   AYISHA
                         What are you doing?

                                   THAD
                         I'm introducing myself.

                                   AYISHA
                         With your hand?

                                   THAD
                         You've never shaken hands before?

               Ayisha shakes her head.  Thad takes her hand in his and
               shakes it gently.

                                   THAD
                         That's called shaking hands.  You
                         must be from out of the country or
                         something.  Canada, right?

                                   AYISHA
                         Right.

                                   THAD
                         Okay, now you tell me your name.

                                   AYISHA
                         Ayisha.

                                   THAD
                         Is that your first name or your
                         last name?

                                   AYISHA
                         Yes.

               Thad stares at her for a second.

                                   AYISHA
                         Can we have sex now?

                                   THAD
                         Uh... Don't you want to go out on
                         the town?  See the sights?  Maybe
                         go to dinner?

                                   AYISHA
                         You would do that for me?

                                   THAD
                         Well, yeah!  Would you do me the
                         great honor of being my date?

                                   AYISHA
                             (smiles)
                         I suppose I would like that.

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               LIAM and BIPPO are watching TV.  Thad enters with Ayisha.

                                   THAD
                         Guys, I'd like you to meet Ayisha!

               Liam and Bippo stands.

                                   LIAM
                         Ayisha?

                                   BIPPO
                         You mean the chick you're bagging?

               Liam kicks Bippo.

                                   LIAM
                         Pleased to meet you.

               Ayisha backs away and gets behind Thad as though she is
               afraid.

                                   THAD
                         Ayisha?

                                   LIAM
                         Did I do something wrong?

                                   THAD
                         Ayisha, it's okay!  These guys are
                         my friends!

               Ayisha slowly comes out from behind him.

                                   THAD
                         You'll have to forgive her.  She's
                         from Canada.

                                   LIAM
                         Oh.

                                   BIPPO
                         Gee, are you sure she was this
                         nervous yesterday night when she
                         pounced on you and rode the bone
                         rollercoaster?

                                   AYISHA
                         I'm sorry, it's just that all of
                         this is new to me.

                                   LIAM
                         New?  I guess the lights and the
                         city are a bit much to someone from
                         a third world country like Canada.

                                   AYISHA
                         Yes, it's a bit much than I'm used
                         to.   There's nothing like this
                         where I come from.

                                   THAD
                         Well, let's get going!  We're going
                         to dinner at the Sizzler.

               Thad and Ayisha leave.

                                   LIAM
                         There's something fishy about that
                         girl, Bippo.  Something not quite
                         right.  What do you think?

                                   BIPPO
                         I think they'd better sure as hell
                         take some Polariods next time!

               INT. THE SIZZLER

               Thad and Ayisha are seated and their food is being brought
               out to them.

                                   AYISHA
                         What is this?

                                   THAD
                         It's steak, medium well.

                                   AYISHA
                         It's burned.

                                   THAD
                         It is?

               Thad looks.

                                   THAD
                         Looks fine to me.

                                   AYISHA
                             (insistent)
                         The meat is too burned.

                                   THAD
                         All right.
                             (to waiter)
                         Listen, could you bring us another
                         steak rare?

                                   AYISHA
                         Could I have one like that?

               She points to the display rack.  The Waiter looks.

                                   WAITER
                         Ma'am, those steaks are raw.

                                   AYISHA
                         But they look so delicious.

               The waiter looks at Thad who shrugs.

                                   THAD
                         Well, get the lady what she wants.

               The waiter nods and walks away.

                                   THAD
                         Listen, you're not by any chance a
                         cannibal or a zombie or anything
                         are you?

                                   AYISHA
                         No.

                                   THAD
                         Whew!  For a second there, I
                         thought you were one of those
                         freaky alien chicks.
                             (quickly)
                         Not that I still wouldn't go out
                         with you!

                                   AYISHA
                         You want to go out with me?

                                   THAD
                         Well, yeah.  Listen, I don't know
                         what it is about you... If it's the
                         twinkle in you eye when you smile
                         or the dimples in your cheeks when
                         you laugh, but I feel there's a
                         connection between us.

                                   AYISHA
                         I feel it too, Thad.

                                   THAD
                         So, what do you say?

                                   AYISHA
                             (blank look)
                         To what?

                                   THAD
                         Will you go out with me?

                                   AYISHA
                         Yes.

                                   THAD
                         You will?

                                   AYISHA
                         I will!

                                   THAD
                         Oh, this is the greatest day of my-

               The waiter puts the raw steak in front of Ayisha.  She grabs
               it and begins to eat it greedily with her hands.  Thad and
               the waiter sit there and watch for a moment until Thad turns
               to the waiter and says...

                                   THAD
                         She's from Canada.

                                   WAITER
                         Oh.

               The waiter leaves.

               INT. THAD'S APARTMENT

               Thad and Ayisha enter.

                                   THAD
                         Well, this is my place.

                                   AYISHA
                         It's nice.

                                   THAD
                         It works for me.  So, what do you
                         want to do now?

                                   AYISHA
                         You.

               Ayisha jumps him and they both fall backwards into the
               bedroom.

                                                       FADE TO:

               INT. THAD'S BEDROOM - THE NEXT DAY

               Thad is in bed covered only with his sheets.  He stirs, wakes
               up, and rolls over to hug Ayisha.  She's not there.

                                   THAD
                         Oh no, not again!  She's abandoned
                         me again!

               There is a whine from the corner of the room.  Thad looks and
               sees a large grey wolf staring back at him.  He grabs his
               sheets and runs to the door only to have the doorknob come
               off in his hands.

                                   THAD
                         Oh, CRAP!

               He flattens himself up against the door as the wolf
               approaches.  Instead of attacking, the wolf cocks it's head
               and looks at him.  Thad sees something.  He bends down and
               looks at the wolf's face.

                                   THAD
                         Oh my God!

               The wolf licks him in the face.

                                   THAD
                         Ayisha?

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               Liam enters wearing a pair of pajamas and goes to answer the
               knocking at the door.  Thad enters covered only in his
               sheets.

                                   THAD
                         Liam, I've got to tell you about
                         last night!

                                   LIAM
                         Do you have to?

                                   THAD
                         This is important, Liam!  Last
                         night I take Ayisha to dinner,
                         right?  Well, we had a great night
                         and went home and... Well, you can
                         pretty much imagine what we did
                         next.  Anyway, I wake up this
                         morning and...
                             (a beat)
                         ...she's a dog.

               Liam is silent for a second.

                                   LIAM
                         Look, Thad... I know that hormones
                         to things to you mind and makes
                         unattractive women look attractive
                         and sometimes those women don't
                         look as good the next morning as
                         they did in the alcohol induced
                         stupor of the previous night, but
                         trust me... Ayisha was a dish!

                                   THAD
                         That's not what I mean, Liam!

                                   LIAM
                         I mean, she was a hottie!

                                   THAD
                         Liam!

                                   LIAM
                         She was an eleven on the bone-o
                         meter!

                                   THAD
                         LIAM SHUT UP!

                                   LIAM
                         Shutting up.

                                   THAD
                         Ayisha is a wolf, okay!?

                                   LIAM
                         You mean she tries to pick up other
                         men too?

                                   THAD
                         NO!  I mean, she's...

               Thad grabs Liam's hand.

                                   THAD
                         Come with me!

               INT. THAD'S BEDROOM

               Thad brings Liam inside and he sees Ayisha/Wolf.

                                   LIAM
                         OH MY GOD!   Thad, she's a wolf!

                                   THAD
                         That's what I've been trying to
                         tell you!

                                   LIAM
                         Was she a wolf last night when the
                         two of you...?

                                   THAD
                         No!  Don't be disgusting!  Trust
                         me, she was very human last night!

                                   LIAM
                         How did this happen?  Magic? 
                         Curses?  MSG?

                                   THAD
                         You think I know?

                                   LIAM
                         I think I know someone who can help
                         us get to the bottom of this.

                                   THAD
                         Not Mr. T again!

                                   LIAM
                         What's wrong with Mr. T?

               INT. THE LOBBY

               ARTURO is listening to Thad's story.  Liam and Bippo is
               sitting nearby.

                                   THAD
                         ...and Now she's a wolf!  A living
                         breathing wolf!

                                   ARTURO
                         How very interesting.

                                   BIPPO
                         Look, none of this matters!  Did
                         you get the Polariods or not?

                                   LIAM
                         What do you think it means,
                         professor?

                                   ARTURO
                         Well, I'm certainly no expert when
                         it comes to transformations into
                         animals... Do you think she could
                         be an Animorph?  You know, like on
                         Nickelodeon?

                                   THAD
                         No.  I'm pretty sure she would have
                         mentioned that, but then again... I
                         don't know why the whole turning
                         into a dog thing was left out of
                         conversation.

                                   ARTURO
                         Perhaps Triumph can be of service.

                                   LIAM
                         Triumph?  What's he going to do,
                         tell her that she's a nice wolf for
                         him to poop on?

                                   ARTURO
                         Triumph is a canine and, thus,
                         should be able to communicate with
                         Ayisha and ascertain exactly what's
                         going on!

                                   THAD
                         Brilliant plan, professor!

                                   ARTURO
                         It was, wasn't it?

               INT. THAD'S BEDROOM

               Ayisha/Wolf is standing in a corner when Thad pokes his head
               in through the door.

                                   THAD
                         Okay, Triumph... do your thing.

               A beat.  Thad looks back.

                                   THAD
                         NO!  NOT THAT!  YOUR OTHER THING!

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Oh, sorry.

                                   THAD
                         That's my favorite rug!

               Triumph enters.  Thad shuts the door behind him.

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Ah, hello.  I am Triumph.  You must
                         be this Ayisha chick I've been
                         hearing about.

               Ayisha/Wolf barks.

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Pleased to meet you.  So, rumor is
                         you were a human last night.  Would
                         you like to fill me in?

               Ayisha/Wolf begins to bark, growl, and whine.

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Really?  Really?
                             (a beat)
                         Reeeeeeeally?

               INT. THAD'S APARTMENT

               Thad, Arturo, Liam, and Bippo are waiting.

                                   THAD
                         What do you think is taking so
                         long?

                                   ARTURO
                         Well, either it's taking Triumph a
                         long time to communicate with
                         Ayisha... 

                                   BIPPO
                         Or Ayisha had Triumph for breakfast
                         after she tore him limb from limb.

                                   ARTURO
                         Either way, I'd say it's been a
                         swell morning.

               Triumph enters.

                                   THAD
                         Triumph, what did you find out?

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Sit down, Thaddy.  This is not
                         pretty.

               Thad sits down.

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Looks like your new girlfriend is a
                         werewolf.

                                   THAD
                         Well, so am I!  See, I told you we
                         had a lot in common!

                                   LIAM
                         But, it's daylight!  And we saw her
                         last night when the moon was full.

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Yes, yes... Let me finish.  She's a
                         werewolf, but the problem is, she
                         isn't a woman who was bitten by a
                         werewolf, she was a wolf bitten by
                         a werewolf.

                                   ARTURO
                         A wolf bitten by a werewolf?  So,
                         that would mean...

                                   THAD
                         That every time the full moon
                         rises, she turns human?

                                   TRIUMPH
                         Yes, I'm afraid so.  If I'm not
                         mistaken, there is a full moon
                         tonight as well and she should be
                         human again in a few hours.

                                   THAD
                         Why can't I ever meet any normal
                         women?

                                   BIPPO
                         Look on the bright side.

               Everyone looks at Bippo.

                                   THAD
                         What?

                                   BIPPO
                         What?

                                   THAD
                         What bright side?

                                   BIPPO
                         Well, how the hell should I know?

                                                       FADE TO:

               INT. THAD'S APARTMENT - A FEW HOURS LATER

               As before, everyone is present except for Triumph.  The door
               to Thad's bedroom opens and Ayisha comes out wearing some of
               Thad's clothing.

                                   AYISHA
                         Thad?

               Thad jumps to his feet and whirls around.

                                   THAD
                         Ayisha!

                                   AYISHA
                         I'm sorry about last night.  I
                         wanted to tell you, but I didn't
                         understand it myself.

                                   LIAM
                         Wait a minute, if you're really a
                         wolf, then how come you speak
                         perfect English?

                                   AYISHA
                         I don't know.

                                   ARTURO
                         Perhaps the werewolf that bit you
                         passed on memories as well as
                         lycanthropy.

                                   AYISHA
                         I don't know.

                                   THAD
                         Guys, can you leave us alone for a
                         minute?

               Liam, Bippo, and Arturo rise to leave.

                                   BIPPO
                             (whispers)
                         Get Polariods

               Bippo exits.  Thad turns to Ayisha.

                                   THAD
                         Well, I definitely have to say that
                         this is a first for me.

                                   AYISHA
                         Me too.  The night I met you was
                         the first night I became like this. 
                         My pack and I were captured and
                         brought to this city.

                                   THAD
                         In the wolf exhibit in the zoo?

                                   AYISHA
                         Yes.  When I saw you, I smelled
                         something familiar about you...
                         Almost wolf-like.

                                   THAD
                         That's because I'm a werewolf.

                                   AYISHA
                         A werewolf?

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, it means that every time the
                         moon is full, I turn into a wolf.

                                   AYISHA
                         What does werewolf mean?

                                   THAD
                         Well, it's Romanian, I think.  It
                         means Man-wolf.

                                   AYISHA
                         But I am not a man.

                                   THAD
                         So, you would be a Were-woman?

                                   AYISHA
                         But, since I'm a wolf who turns
                         human, shouldn't I be called a Were
                         were?

                                   THAD
                         No, then you'd be a man-man and,
                         believe me, you're all woman.  I
                         guess that would make you a Wolf
                         were.

                                   AYISHA
                         Wait a minute, you're human now and
                         the moon is full!  How is this
                         possible?

               Thad shows the patch on his arm.

                                   THAD
                         Werewolf patch.  It keeps me from
                         wolfing out.

                                   AYISHA
                         Perhaps they can work for me!  Keep
                         me like this so we can be together!

                                   THAD
                         Well, I don't think it'll work that
                         way, Ayisha.  They keep you in your
                         natural state and, in your case, it
                         would keep you as a wolf.

                                   AYISHA
                         So there's nothing we can do?

                                   THAD
                         I don't think so.

               Thad and Ayisha hold each other.

                                   AYISHA
                         I've never felt this way about
                         anyone before.

                                   THAD
                         Me neither.  Not every woman I've
                         met gives it up like you did!

                                   AYISHA
                         When can we see each other again?

                                   THAD
                         Well, the next full moon is in 28
                         days.

                                   AYISHA
                         28 days?

                                   THAD
                         Yeah.

                                   AYISHA
                         That's such a long time!

                                   THAD
                         Then let's take advantage of the
                         time we've got!

                                   AYISHA
                         I'd like that.

                                   THAD
                         All right then!

               EXT. THE ZOO - HOURS LATER

               Thad and Ayisha walk hand-in-hand along the walkway.

                                   AYISHA
                         I've had a great time, Thad.

                                   THAD
                         I can definitely say that this
                         should be an interesting
                         relationship.  I--

               Ayisha sees something and stops.

                                   THAD
                         Ayisha?  What's wrong?

               Thad looks.  The wolves in the cage are gone.  A sign says
               "MOBILE WOLF EXHIBIT - NEXT STOP: RENO"

                                   AYISHA
                         They're gone!

                                   THAD
                         Don't worry, they'll be okay!

                                   AYISHA
                         No, you don't understand!  No one
                         breaks from the pack!  I have to
                         find them!

                                   THAD
                         Why don't you just stay here with
                         me?

               Ayisha looks at him.

                                   AYISHA
                         Thad, can't you hear them?

               Thad listens.

                                   THAD
                         Hear what?

                                   AYISHA
                         Their call.  They're calling for
                         me.

                                   THAD
                         Your pack?

                                   AYISHA
                         I can't just abandon them.  The
                         pack is like a living breathing
                         thing and, when one of us leaves...
                         it leaves a hole in the order.  I
                         can't explain it to you, Thad.

                                   THAD
                         But... What about us?

               Ayisha hugs him.

                                   AYISHA
                         Thad, these last three days have
                         been unforgettable, but...

               Thad puts a finger on her lips.

                                   THAD
                         It's all right, Ayisha.  I
                         understand.  The only thing I want
                         is for you to be happy.

                                   AYISHA
                         Oh, Thad!

               She hugs him.

                                   THAD
                         The only thing I want is for you to
                         be happy?  Aw, HELL!  I AM in love!

               EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS - MOMENTS LATER

               THAD and AYISHA are sitting in Mister Hilter's old pick up
               truck.   Arturo, Bippo, and Liam are seeing them off.

                                   ARTURO
                         Good luck, Ayisha.  I sincerely
                         hope our paths cross again.

                                   AYISHA
                         Thank you for all your help,
                         professor.

                                   LIAM
                             (to Thad)
                         So, are you going to stay with her?

                                   THAD
                         Me, no... not possible.  This is
                         one of those star-crossed lovers
                         kind of things.  I'll be back in a
                         day or two as soon as I get Ayisha
                         back with her pack.

                                   LIAM
                         Well, good luck Thad and if it's
                         any consolation to you, I'm sorry.

                                   THAD
                         For what?  After all, it's better
                         to love and lost than never to have
                         loved at all... And it's a whole
                         hell of a lot better if a lot of
                         guilt-free hot sex went along with
                         it.

               Thad starts the engine and the truck rolls out of sight.

                                   BIPPO
                         Polariods!!  Don't forget
                         Polariods!!

               INT. THE PICK-UP TRUCK

               Thad and Ayisha are riding down the road.  Ayisha's head
               rests on Thad's shoulder.

                                   AYISHA
                         This isn't fair.

                                   THAD
                         It sucks.  I'll definitely say
                         that.

                                   AYISHA
                         You think we'll ever see each other
                         again?

                                   THAD
                         I've learned that you never count
                         anything out and, besides, I'll
                         find you again someday.

               Ayisha snuggles closer.  Thad reaches over and turns on the
               radio.  The Baha Men's "Who Let the Dog's Out?" begins to
               play.

                                   AYISHA
                         Oh, listen... it's our song!

               EXT. THE ROAD

               In the desert, the pickup truck rolls down the road as the
               first light of dawn peaks over the hills.

                                                       FADE OUT.

               THE END

               ROLL CREDITS
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"Love: Doggie Style"
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