THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 3.05 - "The Puppy Episode"
Written by Jason Donner

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               There is a knock at the door.  LIAM SMITH enters and answers. 
               STACY VaVOOM is there.

                                   LIAM
                         Hi.

                                   STACY
                         Hi.

                                   LIAM
                         So.

                                   STACY
                         So.

                                   LIAM & STACY
                         I've been wanting to...
                             (beat)
                         You first.
                             (best)
                         No, I insist.

               Stacy and Liam do rock, paper, scissors until Liam wins.

                                   LIAM
                         HA!  Rock beats scissors  IN YOUR
                         FACE!!!

                                   STACY
                         I'm very proud of you, Liam.  Now,
                         what did you want to say?

                                   LIAM
                         Okay... Look, I know that things
                         between us has been a little weird
                         over the last couple of days.

                                   STACY
                         Weird doesn't begin to cover it. 
                         The Loch Ness Monster is a little
                         weird... A hermit crab overthrowing
                         a small country is a little
                         weird...  Pink bandanas falling
                         from the sky and turning into
                         flying sperm whales that wear Osh
                         Kosh B'Gosh would be a little
                         weird.  What happened to us cannot
                         be described, Liam, because there
                         is not yet an adequate word in the
                         human language to describe it.

                                   LIAM
                         Then let's call it a little kreeb.

                                   STACY
                         I'll call Noah Webster.

                                   LIAM
                         I know that we've been a little
                         awkward around each other and that
                         we've barely said a word to each
                         other.  Well... I want it to stop.

                                   STACY
                         You do?

                                   LIAM
                         Yeah.  Stacy, I do.  If you want me
                         to, I'll move to another Apartment
                         complex.

                                   STACY
                         What?

                                   LIAM
                         I hear that Withoutta Paddle's
                         nice.

                                   STACY
                         Liam, I don't want you to move.

                                   LIAM
                         You don't?  Whew, that's a relief. 
                         I've got a lot of heavy furniture. 
                         So, do you need help packing?

                                   STACY
                         No, I'm not moving either.

                                   LIAM
                         I don't understand.

                                   STACY
                         Isn't that always the case?  Liam,
                         I don't want to move and I don't
                         want you to move.  I want to go on
                         living here like we always have
                         been.

                                   LIAM
                         But, I don't want you to feel
                         uncomfortable around me.

                                   STACY
                         Uncomfortable?  Liam, are you
                         crazy?  I don't feel uncomfortable
                         around you!  Not in the least!

                                   LIAM
                         But... I'm your brother and you
                         almost MARRIED me!  C'Mon!  It's
                         like that movie that came out last
                         March.

                                   STACY
                         Say it isn't so?

                                   LIAM
                         But it is, Stacy!  And we can't
                         deny it anymore!  We're just going
                         to have to go our separate ways.

                                   STACY
                         Liam... I want you to stop being
                         stupid for ten seconds and listen
                         to what I'm going to say.  When our
                         mom came skipped town this last
                         time, she didn't just run out on
                         you this time, but she ran out on
                         me too.

                                   LIAM
                             (sad)
                         I hadn't thought of that.

                                   STACY
                         She's not answering her cell
                         phone... Daddy doesn't know where
                         she is.  God, Liam... I know she
                         has a reason she can't be near us
                         with the assassins and all but...

               She begins to cry.  Liam walks over and puts a hand on her
               arm.

                                   STACY
                         I mean... I just found out that I
                         have a brother that I never knew
                         about!

                                   LIAM
                         I'm sorry... I never considered...
                             (beat)
                         All right.  Despite everything, I
                         got a sister out of the deal and
                         I'm happy to finally know you. 
                         C'Mere, sis.

               Liam and Stacy hug.  BIPPO enters and sees them.

                                   BIPPO
                         Aw, nerts!
                             (yelling out door)
                         THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!!!

                                                       FADE OUT:

               ---
Sung to the Theme of "That 70's Show"
			   
We we are!
Back on Earth!
Wrapping up plot threads,
while new ones are birthed!
Couldn't think of a title,
for this story and that's vital.

Ooooo Yeah!

Olé
			   ---

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

STARRING

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

and
John Ryhs-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"

ALSO STARRING

Seann William Scott
as
"Thad Coffey"

Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

Cameron Diaz
as
"Stacy VaVoom"

Gary Dordan
as
"Tempus"

Marina Sirtis
as
"Senestra Malevolous"

Dolph Lungren
as
"Tank"

Billy Blanks
as
"Rock"

David Peckinpah
as
Satan

Reese Whitherspoon
as
"Kathy Hilter"

and
Scrappy Doo

SPECIAL GUEST STAR

Lee Meriweather
as
"Malicious"

               ---

                                                       FADE IN:

               EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS

               Establishing shot.

               INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE

               SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS is mixing strange chemicals into a
               potion.  Suddenly, she holds the beaker over her head.

                                   SENESTRA
                         AT LAST!!!  MY GREATEST WORK
                         COMPLETED!!!

               ROCK enters from the left.

                                   ROCK
                         HI!

               Senestra jumps and almost drops the beaker.

                                   SENESTRA
                         ROCK!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MAH
                         LAH-BORE-AH-TORY!!??

                                   ROCK
                         Dah...

                                   SENESTRA
                         Nevermind.  I'm glad you're here
                         because I need a guinea pig.

                                   ROCK
                         Aw, do you have to mess with Mr.
                         Beepers again?  He still has a leg
                         growing out of his forehead.

                                   SENESTRA
                         No, not Mr. Beepers, you dulting
                         lump of feces, mixed with poo,
                         toped with crap, and wrapped in a
                         layer of scat!  I mean you!  I need
                         a human test subject and you're the
                         closest thing I have right now
                         despite the sloping forehead.

                                   ROCK
                         Dah...

                                   SENESTRA
                         Here.  Drink this poison... I mean,
                         potion

               Rock takes the beaker, put it on the desk, and bounces a
               quarter off the desk which lands in the beaker.  He downs the
               potion and slams the beaker upside down on the desk.

                                   ROCK
                         YEAH!!!

                                   SENESTRA
                         All right, I'm taking away your
                         copy of "Coyote Ugly".  Do you feel
                         anything yet, my lumbering lump of
                         loathful lice-ridden lackey?

                                   ROCK
                             (smacks lips)
                         Fruity!

                                   SENESTRA
                         GAH!

               Senestra walks away from him and stands looking out the
               window.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Blast!  That was supposed to have
                         been the most lethal arsenic known
                         to man!  I intended to slip it into
                         the water supply and, thus, rid
                         myself of the troubling population
                         of this city.

               Rock begins to convulse in the background.  Senestra, caught
               up in her own problems, fails to notice.

                                   SENESTRA
                         It was a perfect plan!  The potion
                         was deadly and the arsenic levels
                         of the water would have still been
                         below President Bush's limit.  I
                         tell you, Rock... A republican
                         president in the pocket of big
                         business is a super villain's
                         dream.

               Rock falls down.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Rock?

               She turns around and sees him on the ground.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Rock?

               She kicks him.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Oh well.  I guess that's that.

               Rock suddenly jumps to his feet and looks around.

                                   ROCK
                         How curious!  I seem to be
                         experiencing a sensation all
                         together new to me.  The inside of
                         my head is alive and tingling and
                         all sorts of images and concepts
                         are flooding in... Is... Is this
                         what one calls thinking?

                                   SENESTRA
                         Huh?

                                   ROCK
                         Of course!  I understand now.  The
                         quote/unquote arsenic that you used
                         must have actually been some sort
                         of ill-mixed concoction that
                         simulated my synapses.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Bah?

                                   ROCK
                         Yes, it's true!  I can feel the
                         neurons actually firing!  Oh,
                         bliss!  This is perhaps the
                         greatest fate that has ever
                         befallen me!

                                   SENESTRA
                             (excited)
                         ROCK!  Where did you put that
                         potion!?

                                   ROCK
                         I drank it all.

                                   SENESTRA
                         BLAST!  With that mixture I could
                         become superintelligent and RULE
                         THE WORLD!!!  Now it's lost
                         forever!

                                   ROCK
                         Yes, they're called notes Miss
                         Malevolous... Why don't you look
                         into them?

                                   SENESTRA
                         Why you INSOLENT...!!!

               The intercom buzzes

                                   TANK
                             (over intercom)
                         D'ah, Miss Malevolous?

                                   SENESTRA
                         I said NO INTERRUPTIONS!!!

                                   TANK
                             (over intercom)
                         Y-Yeah, d'ah know you said no
                         interpretations...  But SHE'S here.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Who?

                                   TANK
                             (over intercom)
                         SHE!

                                   ROCK
                             (sighs)
                         Your mother.

                                   SENESTRA
                             (beat)
                         SH*T!!!

               Suddenly, the door is kicked in and MALICIOUS MALEVOLOUS
               enters.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         DARLING!

                                   SENESTRA
                             (grits teeth)
                         Mother...

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Come give your mother a kiss.  It's
                         been ages!  What have you been up
                         to?

                                   SENESTRA
                         W-Well, I've been trying to take
                         over the world.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Yes... Heard about that P.E.N.I.S.
                         fiasco.  Pity.  Cute idea, but
                         honestly.. Trying to conquer the
                         world with a small phallic device
                         named after a dangly bit?  It's no
                         wonder you didn't succeed.

                                   ROCK
                         She didn't even check the anagram. 
                         They just came out that way!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Oh, Senestra!   I thought I raised
                         you better than this!  Introduce me
                         you your friend!

                                   SENESTRA
                         This isn't my friend!  It's Rock!

                                   ROCK
                             (correcting)
                         Roger.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         A pleasure to meet you, Roger.

                                   ROCK
                         The pleasure is all mine, madame. 
                         Miss Malevolous neglected to
                         mention what a fetching mother she
                         had.

                                   MALICIOUS
                             (giggles)
                         Oh, you!

                                   SENESTRA
                         Mother!  Why are you here!?

                                   MALICIOUS
                         I'm in town for the trade
                         conference.  It's such a hassle
                         being the undisputed dictator of a
                         small country.

                                   SENESTRA
                         So you keep telling me.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         There peace conferences, trade
                         conferences, small villages to
                         bomb.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Mother, enough!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         I'm just kidding!  I don't bomb my
                         own people!  I love my people and
                         help them all I can!  I'm like
                         Oskar Schindler...  In that we both
                         sold bombs to the Nazis, but
                         dammit... MINE WORKED!!!

                                   SENESTRA
                         You can't stand it unless you shove
                         my face in your success, can you!?  
                         You rule a country!  You're a
                         dictator!  YOUR throne is covered
                         in human skin.  Well, I'm SICK of
                         it!  Leave!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         But, I have nowhere to go!  There
                         isn't a Republic of Malevolosia
                         embassy here since they found the
                         pirated Star Wars DVDs!

                                   SENESTRA
                         Then stay in the spare bedroom!  I
                         don't care.

               Senestra storms out, slamming the door behind her.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Such a temperamental child.

                                   ROCK
                         Indeed.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         So, Roger... What is it you...
                         Do... Around here?

                                   ROCK
                         I'm a henchman.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         And what does that entail?

                                   ROCK
                         Henching mostly.
                             (a beat)
                         Little joke.

               Malicious giggles.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Oh, Roger... My daughter may be a
                         total bitch, but I'm glad I came so
                         that I could meet you.

               She takes his hand.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         VERY glad.

               She makes eyebrows at him.  A beat.

                                   ROCK
                         That's code for "I'm horny", isn't
                         it?

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Very.  So, what do you say?

               Rock checks his watch.

                                   ROCK
                         All right then.

               They embrace in a session of heavy petting and fall out of
               sight.

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               Liam, BIPPO, and THAD enter and plop down on the couch.

                                   BIPPO
                         Boy!  What crawled up Miss
                         Malevolous's ass this morning?

                                   LIAM
                         I don't know, but I've never had a
                         worse day at work in my life.

                                   THAD
                         Tell me about it.  She cornered me
                         today and asked me what my job
                         was... I couldn't answer!  So much
                         for turning over a new leaf.

                                   BIPPO
                         Yeah, you did kind of promise
                         yourself that you'd do that after
                         you gained control of the werewolf
                         in you, didn't you?  Well, looks
                         like another in a long line of
                         Thads.

                                   THAD
                         What?

                                   BIPPO
                         When someone does something stupid
                         and useless, everyone here calls it
                         a "Thad".

                                   THAD
                         They do not.

               The phone rings.  Liam answers.

                                   LIAM
                         Hello?
                             (a beat)
                         Yes, professor?
                             (a beat)
                         Yes, I asked around but no one was
                         interested in the job.

                                   THAD
                         Job?

                                   LIAM
                             (on phone)
                         Yes, I asked everyone.

                                   THAD
                         Let me talk to him!

                                   LIAM
                         Just a second.
                             (on phone)
                         Have you gone down to the
                         employment agencies yet?  Maybe
                         they--

               Thad yanks the phone away from Liam and holds it to his ear.

                                   ARTURO
                             (over phone)
                         ...yes, Liam... But I don't want to
                         hire anyone to Thad things up
                         around here.

                                   THAD
                         Professor?

                                   ARTURO
                             (on phone)
                         Gah!  Thad, my boy!  I was just
                         talking about you!

                                   THAD
                         You said something about a job?

                                   ARTURO
                             (on phone)
                         Er... Uh... Um... Y-Yes, it's sort
                         of a Thad-eary position, though.

                                   THAD
                         It's a what?

                                   ARTURO
                             (on phone)
                         Nevermind.  I'm trying to find
                         someone to replace Elvis, what with
                         him being on Uranus and all. 
                         Please don't make the joke I can
                         feel you're about to make.

                                   THAD
                         Well, all right but I thought it
                         was a good one.  Look, I think that
                         I might be interested in filling
                         Elvis's blue suede shoes.

                                   ARTURO
                             (over phone)
                         You are.

                                   THAD
                         I am.

                                   ARTURO (O.S.)
                         You CAN'T be serious!

               Everyone whirls around and sees Arturo standing at the door. 
               Thad looks at him, then at the phone, then back at him and
               hangs up.

                                   THAD
                         I am serious!

                                   ARTURO
                         It's a lot of responsibility!  You
                         know, the "R" word?

                                   THAD
                         I can handle it!  Seriously,
                         professor... Circus Circus is a
                         stinking pit in which few return. 
                         You'd have to be a total pathetic
                         looser to want to keep working
                         there.  No offense, guys.

                                   BIPPO
                         Hey, don't mince words on MY
                         account.

                                   THAD
                         Please, professor... Just give me a
                         chance.

               The professor thinks about it.

                                   ARTURO
                         All right.  You're hired!

               Thad holds his arms in the air in triumph.

                                   THAD
                         Woo-Who!

                                   ARTURO
                         Now, if you don't mind... Chocolate
                         Treat dropped a wig down the toilet
                         and sewage is overflowing in the
                         basement.

               Jesse and Johnathan's voices filter through the floor.

                                   JESSE
                             (through floor)
                         Make me a promise to hold on,
                         Johnathan!  Never let go!

                                   JOHNATHAN
                             (through floor)
                         I'll never let go.

               A splash.

                                   JESSE
                             (through floor)
                         You LET GO, DICK!!!  Oh, hey! 
                         Corn! Cool!

                                   ARTURO
                         I think you'd better hurry.

               Arturo leaves.  Thad's arms are still in the air, his face
               frozen in terror.

               INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE

               Rock and Tank are seated doing nothing.

                                   TANK
                         D'ah, it's not dat I'm not happy
                         for you wit' you're brains and
                         stuff, but I just feel and
                         little... D'ah...

               He looks at a note on his hand.

                                   TANK
                         What's this word?

                                   ROCK
                         Rejected.

                                   TANK
                         Rejected.

                                   ROCK
                         Don't feel rejected, my comrade in
                         arms!  Embrace my new gift of
                         knowledge for it will open doors to
                         opportunities that you cannot
                         possibly imagine!

               Tank stares blankly.

                                   ROCK
                         Oh, I'm sorry... I used big words
                         again, didn't I Terrance?

               Tank nods.  Senestra enters in a huff carrying a piece of
               paper.  Malicious follows.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Will you STOP for just one second
                         and tell your mother WHAT'S going
                         on?

                                   SENESTRA
                         I had a worker QUIT!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         You fired him?

                                   SENESTRA
                         No.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         You killed him?

                                   SENESTRA
                         NO!  He came in, said "I quit", and
                         walked out the door.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Senestra!  You should be ashamed of
                         yourself!

                                   SENESTRA
                             (crying)
                         ...and He called me by my first
                         name in front of everyone!  I've
                         never been so humiliated in my
                         entire life.

                                   TANK
                         What about duh time you were turned
                         into uh giant blueberry?

                                   ROCK
                         Or the time you were denied
                         entrance into the Tribunal of Evil?

                                   TANK
                         Or the time that--

                                   SENESTRA
                         SHUT UP!!!  ALL OF YOU!!!  It's
                         time for me to do what always
                         relaxes me.  Tank... Take off your
                         clothes.

               Tanks does so.  Senestra walks up to him, picks up the
               clothes, goes to a washing machine and starts it up.

                                   SENESTRA
                             (relaxed)
                         Listen to that humm.  Rock.  Strip.

               Rock hands her a laundry basket.

                                   ROCK
                         I took the liberty of gathering my
                         garments ahead of time.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Fine.

               Senestra starts putting clothes into the washer. She stops
               and holds up a pair of briefs with lipstick marks on the
               crotch.  She looks at Rock and smiles.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Rocky, I'm shocked!  You actually
                         scored with someone!

               Rock nervously looks at Malicious.

                                   ROCK
                         Er... Um... Uh... Yeah.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Probably some two-bit piece of
                         street trash, huh?  Well give us
                         details!

               Rock is sweating bullets.

                                   ROCK
                         I... Uh...

               Senestra looks at the briefs.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Hey, mom... This looks just like
                         your shade.  What are the odds of
                         that hap--

               Senestra freezes.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Senestra, sweetie...

                                   SENESTRA
                         Oh... My... God.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Senestra.

                                   SENESTRA
                         You humped my henchman!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Hump is such a dirty word!  I much
                         prefer to say that we porked.

                                   SENESTRA
                         I can't believe this!!!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Try to see thing from my
                         perspective.  He has a huge penis
                         and I Was horny!

                                   SENESTRA
                         I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS!!!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Oh, sweetie... Surely you have
                         partaken of the fruits of your
                         henchmen before.

                                   SENESTRA
                         NO!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         You mean you never rode the Rock?

                                   SENESTRA
                         NO!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Teamed the Tank?

                                   SENESTRA
                         NO!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         You never said hello to Mr. Willy
                         with ANY of your help?

                                   SENESTRA
                         NO, NO, GOD NO!!!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Oh, dear... You should really try
                         it some time.  I mean, after all...
                         You've got the men and, let's face
                         it, they never do anything useful
                         anyway.  Might as well hop on the
                         good and do the bad thing.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Mom...

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Take Roger for example.  He makes
                         the cutest sounds in the throes of
                         passion.  EEE!!! EEE!!! EEE!!!

               Senestra holds her hands to her ears, screams, and runs out
               the door.

                                   MALICIOUS
                             (beat)
                         Well, that was rude.
                             (to Rock)
                         Wanna have another go?

               Rock checks his watch.

                                   ROCK
                         All right then.  Tank, my good
                         fellow... Get the lights on your
                         way out.

               Rock and Malicious dive into each other ripping their clothes
               off.  Tank, in his boxers, looks around uncomfortably and
               heads out the door flipping the lights off as he does.

               INT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS HALLWAY

               Thad walks by covered in filth carrying a wrench.  TEMPUS
               walks by and stops.

                                   TEMPUS
                         What's that smell?

                                   THAD
                         The sewer overflowed in the
                         basement.

                                   TEMPUS
                             (confused)
                         Sewer?

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, you know... The poop chute?

               Tempus still looks confused.

                                   THAD
                         The crap flap? The poo lagoon?  The
                         burial ground of lesser pets?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Huh?

                                   THAD
                         It's a... Hell, you go to the
                         bathroom, right?

                                   TEMPUS
                         To wash.

                                   THAD
                         And what else?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Uh... I give up, what?

                                   THAD
                         Well... To... Relieve yourself.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Of what?

                                   THAD
                         Come on, are you seriously telling
                         me that people don't take dumps in
                         the 31st century?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Dump WHAT!?

               Thad whispers it in Tempus' ear.  Tempus' face registers in
               disgust.

                                   TEMPUS
                         YOU MADE THAT UP!!!

                                   THAD
                         You mean to tell me that you don't
                         do it?

                                   TEMPUS
                         NO!  My body is genetically
                         engineered to use one hundred
                         percent of all of the food I
                         intake.  I don't... Uck!  Dispose
                         of it in that manner!  You made
                         this "poo" thing up!  It's
                         unthinkable!  No one does that! 

                                   THAD
                         Of course they do.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Then show me.

                                   THAD
                         What?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Show me!

                                   THAD
                         It's a little private.

                                   TEMPUS
                         See?  You're making it up.

                                   THAD
                         If I'm making it up, how do you
                         explain the weird looking seats in
                         all the bathrooms around here.

               Tempus goes pale.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Is THAT what those are?

                                   THAD
                         Yeah.

                                   TEMPUS
                         I've been washing my clothes in
                         those!  And... The seats where the
                         water runs down the back?

                                   THAD
                         The urinals?

                                   TEMPUS
                             (confused)
                         Your-in-alls?  Some sort of back
                         washer, correct?

                                   THAD
                         Look, this isn't a conversation I
                         really want to be having.  Go rent
                         a Farley brothers movie.

               Thad walks off.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Hey, what about the mints in the
                         your-in-alls?  They ARE to eat,
                         right?
                             (a beat, more worried)
                         Right?

               Tempus spits out a hunk of white.

               EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS ROOFTOP

               Senestra is sitting alone when, suddenly, a wave of hellfire
               flashes into existence behind her.  SATAN appears.

                                   SATAN
                         Senestra Malevolous.

                                   SENESTRA
                             (not looking)
                         Go away.  I'm not in the mood for
                         whatever your selling.

                                   SATAN
                         I am no salesman.  Gaze upon me!

               Senestra turns around.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Hey, you're... Oh... What's-his
                         face... Uh... Bill Zebub or
                         something.

                                   SATAN
                         I am known by many names.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Right... I've been following your
                         work.  Big fan.

                                   SATAN
                             (surprised)
                         Thank you.

                                   SENESTRA
                         That whole suffering and pestilence
                         thing?  Marvelous!  And I love the
                         way you're always making life hard
                         for Cow and Chicken.

                                   SATAN
                             (sighs)
                         I'm not THAT guy!  I'm telling you,
                         once my copyright infringement suit
                         gets going, there will be HELL TO
                         PAY!!!

                                   SENESTRA
                         So, what are you selling?

                                   SATAN
                         I'm not selling anything!

                                   SENESTRA
                         You sure?  'Cause I've been having
                         a dreadful day.

                                   SATAN
                         Yes, I...

                                   SENESTRA
                         First, my mother comes to town
                         uninvited and starts criticizing
                         everything I do.

                                   SATAN
                         Let me...

                                   SENESTRA
                         THEN one of my worker whose spirits
                         I could have SWORN I'd broken, up
                         and quits on me.

                                   SATAN
                         I am...

                                   SENESTRA
                         I'd replace him, but I was never
                         really sure of what he did in the
                         first place.  It's been a very...
                             (she looks at a
                              dictionary)
                         ...kreeb day.

                                   SATAN
                         Please let...

                                   SENESTRA
                         THEN I find out that my MOTHER is
                         sleeping with my HENCHMAN!

                                   SATAN
                         SILENCE!!!  I...
                             (a beat)
                         Your HENCHMAN!!!

                                   SENESTRA
                         Yeah.

                                   SATAN
                         That's GRODY!!!

                                   SENESTRA
                         Tell me about it.  Would your
                         mother ever do anything like that?

                                   SATAN
                         My mother is a saint.

                                   SENESTRA
                         I didn't think so.

                                   SATAN
                         No, seriously, she is!  I was the
                         black sheep of the family.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Are you sure you're not selling
                         anything?

                                   SATAN
                         I'm not selling anything!  I swear
                         to God!

               A beat.

                                   SATAN
                         Did I just say that?

                                   SECRETARY
                         Well, Mr. Zebub... If you're not
                         selling anything, what is it you
                         want?

                                   SATAN
                         I am SATAN!

               Lightning flashes.

                                   SATAN
                         I come to you with a...

                                   SENESTRA
                         How'd you do that?

                                   SATAN
                         Do what?

                                   SENESTRA
                         The lightning thing!  Really cool
                         effect!

                                   SATAN
                             (sighs)
                         Look... All one has to do is speak
                         the name of evil and nature reacts.
                         But enough about that, I...

                                   SENESTRA
                         George W. Bush!

               Lighting crash.

                                   SENESTRA
                         That's awesome!

                                   SATAN
                         Yes, now...

                                   SENESTRA
                         Harry Potter!

               Lightning crash.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Martha Stewart!

               Lightning crash.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Lars Ulrich!

               Lightning crash.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Vince McMahon

               Lighting crash.

                                   SENESTRA
                         The guy from Blues Clues!

               Lightning crash.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Senestra Malvolous!

               Silence.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Figures.

                                   SATAN
                         Miss Malevolous, PLEASE!!!

                                   SENESTRA
                         What?

                                   SATAN
                         I am SATAN.

               Lightning crash.  Satan mumbles a curse.

                                   SATAN
                         I come to you with an invitation to
                         join me.

                                   SENESTRA
                         In what?

                                   SATAN
                         In taking over the world!

                                   SENESTRA
                         YOU want to take over the world
                         too?

                                   SATAN
                         Yes, and soon I will have the means
                         to do so, but I need your help.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Do you?

                                   SATAN
                         I do.

                                   SENESTRA
                         And what are you going to do for
                         me?

                                   SATAN
                             (smiles)
                         Thought you'd never ask.

               INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE

               Rock and Malicious are on the desk about to make some serious
               whoopee.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Oh, Roger!  TAKE ME NOW!!!

               Rock looks up in confusion.

                                   ROCK
                         D'ah... Where?

                                   MALICIOUS
                         What?

                                   ROCK
                         Where dah you want me tah take you?

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Roger?  You look a little blank. 
                         How do you feel?

                                   ROCK
                             (thinks hard)
                         Oh!  I know!  With this fingery
                         things!

               He wiggles his fingers.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         I don't believe this!

                                   ROCK
                         Yeah... Dey call um fingers... But
                         dey don't "fing" anything!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         So... I guess you're a stupid clod
                         again.  I guess it doesn't matter
                         since you've still got it where it
                         counts if you know what I mean.

               Rock stares at her blankly.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Of course you don't.  It's all
                         right, dummy.  I'll guide you
                         through it.  Take your pants off.

               Rock does so.

                                   ROCK
                         It is laundry time again?

               Malicious looks in shock.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         WHAT the...?  W-Where did it GO!?

                                   ROCK
                         D'ah think I see it!

               Malicious squints and slumps.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         SH*T!

                                                       FADE TO:

               EXT. CIRCUS CIRCUS

               Bellboys are loading luggage into a limo in the front drive. 
               Senestra, Rock, Tank, and Malicious comes out.

                                   SENESTRA
                             (sweetly sarcastic)
                         Oh... Such a PITY you couldn't stay
                         longer!

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Well, just remember... When you DO
                         conquer the world, The Republic of
                         Malevolosia has immunity, right? 

                                   SENESTRA
                         As far as you know.

                                   MALICIOUS
                         Well, good bye dear.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Good bye, mother.

                                   MALICIOUS
                             (to Rock)
                         Good bye, Pee Wee.  Tell your Pee
                         Wee Wee-Wee I said toodles.

               Malicious gets into the limo and it drives away.  Senestra
               smirks and goes inside.

               INT. SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS' OFFICE

               Senestra enters.  Satan is sitting at the desk.

                                   SENESTRA
                         I have to admit, this proposed
                         merger of yours has... Definite
                         perks.

                                   SATAN
                         I'm glad you agree.  So, are you
                         in?

                                   SENESTRA
                         I'm in.

               Satan goes to shake her hand, but instead Senestra grabs him
               and the two fall behind the desk.  Shreds of clothing fly
               into the air.

               INT. SATAN'S THRONEROOM

               KATHY HILTER and SCRAPPY DOO are waiting when Satan shows up
               with lipstick smears all over him.  He's walking with a
               slight limp.

                                   SCRAPPY DOO
                         Master?

                                   SATAN
                         Scrappy.

                                   KATHY
                         How did the meeting with Senestra
                         Malevolous go?

                                   SATAN
                         It was... Very productive.

                                   SCRAPPY DOO
                         So, did you get down to business?

                                   SATAN
                         Yes... Yes we did.

                                   KATHY
                         Is she in?

                                   SATAN
                             (smirks)
                         Yes...  You might even say that I
                         was "in" to her.

                                   SCRAPPY DOO
                         So she will team up with us?

                                   SATAN
                         She will and wants to.  In fact,
                         you MIGHT even say that we had sex!

               Scrappy and Kathy are silent.

                                   SCRAPPY DOO
                         Okay, that's a mental image I
                         didn't need.

               Satan steps up to his throne.

                                   SATAN
                         With myself, you Scrappy and you
                         Kathy and now Senestra
                         Malevolous... All four sides are
                         completed.

                                   SCRAPPY DOO
                         Four sides of what?

                                   SATAN
                         The four sides... Of the
                         QUADRANGLE!!!

                                                       FADE OUT:

               THE END

Before freepolls shut down their review-its, this episode scored a 4.3 out of 5.