INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
The ARTURO is busy picking up garbage, milkbones, chew toys,
and copies of Feisty Bitch magazine off the floor, grumbling
to himself as he does so. The door opens and TRIUMPH THE
INSULT COMIC DOG appears.
TRIUMPH
Good news, tator tot! We are
having another party!
ARTURO
WHAT!?
TRIUMPH
I've invited some of the bitches
from the office down tonight. We
talk, we laugh, we drink, we make
puddles on the floor... Good times
will be had by all!
ARTURO
(enraged)
Except for me, you two-bit comic
dog! I'll be stuck cleaning after
the mob of mongrels that come
padding through here!
TRIUMPH
Oh, don't be such a poop, Flab-io,
I have been thinking about your
feelings! In fact, I was telling a
rather fetching Saint Bernard about
you and she was all a twitter! I
even pre-humped her for you and
she's great!
ARTURO
Unlike young Miss VaVoom, I prefer
to date within my own species.
TRIUMPH
HA! You know what you are? You're
just a speciesist!
ARTURO
A what?
TRIUMPH
I should go and make you a white
robe and hood right now!
ARTURO
Oh, well that's a problem since all
of my white sheets have been
STAINED WITH YOUR URINE!!!
TRIUMPH
Then that makes them MY SHEETS!
Hand them over, Tubbo!
ARTURO
YOU DAMN DOG!
TRIUMPH
FAT F*CK!
ARTURO
CURSED CUR!
TRIUMPH
PORTLY PROFF!
ARTURO
PUTRID PUPPY!
TRIUMPH
FATTY FAT FAT FAT!
ARTURO
THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!
Arturo picks up a fireplace shovel and goes after Triumph.
TRIUMPH
Yikes!
Triumph ducks and runs. Arturo slips on a piece of dog doo
and goes crashing through the wall. For a long time, there
is silence as Triumph carefully peers into the gaping hole.
TRIUMPH
Wow! That must have HURT!
ARTURO
(weakly)
You... Blistering... Idiot...
INT. UPDA CREEK LOBBY - LATER
Arturo walks to his desk obviously in a great deal of pain.
He carefully sits down as LIAM enters.
LIAM
Hey professor. What's up?
ARTURO
Oh, nothing... I just
(he sits)
OW!
LIAM
Are you hurt?
ARTURO
That blasted roommate of mine.
LIAM
Finally decided to kill him, huh?
ARTURO
Unfortunately, he was a little too
fast for me to capture and wring.
LIAM
Probably because you're so fa...
Arturo gives Liam a look that says "I DARE you to finish that
sentence".
LIAM
Fastidious? Fantastic? Fabulous?
Faboo?
The phone rings. Arturo looks around for it.
ARTURO
Where the hell is the cordless?
LIAM
I don't know.
ARTURO
Bloody hell. I guess I'll just
answer the phone in the next room.
Arturo gets up in a great amount of pain.
LIAM
Professor, do you want me to get
it?
ARTURO
No, Liam! I just hurt myself and I
have no intention of allowing
anyone to coddle me.
Arturo slowly walks to the next room. Great pain with every
step. The phone stops ringing.
ARTURO
Son of a... OW!
Arturo turns around and starts back in great pain.
LIAM
Professor, are you sure you don't
need help?
ARTURO
Poppycock! We British are a stout
lot, and... AUGH!
Arturo falls to the floor howling in pain.
ARTURO
OH SWEET JESUS IT HURTS! OH GOD,
THE PAIN! THE PAIN OF IT ALL!
MOMMY!
Arturo lies on the floor whimpering and crying.
LIAM
(a pause, shrugs)
Well, if you're SURE you don't need
any help, I'll just be on my...
ARTURO
CALL 9-1-1, YOU STUPID GIT!!!
FADE OUT:
Theme Song (Sung to the theme of "Growing Pains")
Turn of that homework, friend.
Your term paper will still be in here in a minute.
Type up the address or click on your bookmark.
And let the fits of laughs begin!
As long as we've got too much free time...
We'll still be writing this really lame sit com!
At no time... does this song rhyme!
Boy this was easy. Writing this short cheesy song!
OLE!
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Starring
Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"
Seann William Scott
as
"Thad Coffey"
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"
and
John Rhys-Davies
as
Professor Arturo
Also Starring
Cameron Diaz
as
"Stacy VaVoom"
Jason Lee
as
"Jesse Glaspey"
Jack Black
as
"Jonathan Kruger"
Gary Dourdan
as
"Tempus"
Betty White
as
"Doris Winchester"
RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"
Neal Patrick Harris
as
"Gary the Fanboy"
Siegfried and Roy
and
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
Guest Starring
Phil Moyer
as
"Dr. Lomyr H. Pie"
and
Dustin Kaster
as
"Dr. Knit U. Dasster"
Introducing
Shannon Elizabeth
as
"Nurse Goodbody"
The Liam Smith Show is written in front of a live studio audience.
INT. OUR LADY OF THE HMO HOSPITAL
Arturo is rushed in on a gurney by several doctors and nurses
as Liam, BIPPO, STACY, GARY, THAD, TEMPUS, CHOCOLATE TREAT,
DORIS, JOHNATHAN, and JESSE. As Arturo is wheeled down the
hall, the others fall behind.
STACY
Oh, I don't like this! I don't
like this one bit!
BIPPO
What's there not to like? All this
death and blood and death and blood
and DEATH AND BLOOD AND DEATH AND
BLOOD AND...
Thad slaps him.
STACY
Guys, I'm serious. I mean, the
professor wasn't in the best shape,
you know.
TEMPUS
Mathematically, the most perfect
shape IS round.
STACY
You're not helping. What if it's
his heart?
LIAM
Stacy, don't talk that way.
THAD
Yeah, haven't we already burned
through our quota of building
personnel this year? Oh crap... I
just realized that I work for the
apartments now... I'M DOOMED!!!
Thad collapses crying in Jesse's arms.
JESSE
(patting Thad on the head)
There, there, there...
DORIS
You guys are making a big deal out
of nothing. I mean, so what if the
professor's in the hospital crying
and screaming and hollering like a
man on death's door? It means
nothing.
JOHNATHAN
I'm bored. Hey, Jesse! Let's go
look for treasure!
JESSE
Oo! Excellent idea!
Jesse drops Thad on the floor and skips away with Johnathan.
DORIS
Besides, if those two can survive
as long as they have without a
brain, I don't think the professor
has anything to worry about.
INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM
Arturo is lying on the bed when DR. KNIT U. DASSTER and DR.
LOMYR H. PIE enter.
DR. DASSTER
(to Dr. Pie)
...and then I realized he wasn't
there for a prostate exam after
all! Just to paint the walls!
Boy, was MY face red!
ARTURO
Oh, GOD! Not you two again!
DR. PIE
Oh, hey look Doctor Dasster! It's
Professor Arturo! Do you remember
him?
DR. DASSTER
Ah yes, Doctor Pie, it was during
that whole Liam Smith with the
werewolf blood and Thad Coffey with
the looser blood thing a while
back. Boy, THAT was a disaster...
How DID we fix that mess?
DR. PIE
It took me a while, but I finally
figured it out! You see...
Suddenly, in the hall behind them, there is a stampede of
wildebeests that drown out his words. After a few moments,
the stampede ends.
DR. PIE
...and THAT'S how the colliding
chainsaws fixed the problem!
DR. DASSTER & ARTURO
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
DR. PIE
Well, let's get down to it! What
seems to be the problem, professor?
ARTURO
Oh NO you DON'T! I'm not letting
you two quacks anywhere near me
until I see some sort of
accreditation that you are INDEED
doctors!
Doctor Dasster and Pie show him a couple of diplomas.
ARTURO
(reading)
Ron's Discount School of Medicine
and Auto Repair?
DR. PIE
We took a course for vets.
ARTURO
Vets?
DR. DASSTER
(elbows Pie)
Veterans.
DR. PIE
Veterans But what about all the
animals we...?
Dr. Dasster elbows him again.
DR. PIE
OUCH! WHY ARE YOU ELBOWING ME!?
DR. DASSTER
We really are doctors, professor!
Look at this! It's charts from the
surgery we did on a cadaver.
DR. PIE
Well, he wasn't a cadaver when we
started...
Arturo tries to get up and leave, but collapses to the floor
in pain.
ARTURO
AUGH!
DR. DASSTER
Wow, you sound like you're in pain!
(to intercom)
Nurse Goodbody, come in here
please.
Dr. Dasster drops a pen on the floor as NURSE GOODBODY
enters.
NURSE GOODBODY
Can I help you doctor?
DR. DASSTER
Yes, I seem to have dropped my pen.
Could you retrieve it?
Nurse Goodbody bends down to get the pen. Dasster and Pie
stare at her ass. Nurse Goodbody gives the pen back to
Dasster.
DR. DASSTER
Thank you, nurse. That will be
all.
ARTURO
Ow. Ow. Ow.
NURSE GOODBODY
Uhm, Doctor... There's a man lying
on the floor.
DR. DASSTER
What? Oh, him?
NURSE GOODBODY
Don't you think you should help
him?
DR. PIE
I have a better idea! Why don't
YOU bend down and help
Nurse Goodbody sighs and then bends over to help Arturo up.
As she does so, Dr. Pie takes a Polaroid.
ARTURO
OW! OW! AUGH!!!
NURSE GOODBODY
Oh, you poor man! Where does it
hurt?
ARTURO
It... Hurts around my abdomen.
Sort of like my appendix... but I
had that taken out when I was a
boy!
DR. DASSTER
Perhaps it grew back?
DR. PIE
You dumbass! Appendixes don't grow
back!
DR. DASSTER
And you know this how?
DR. PIE
I ripped one out of an encyclopedia
once and it never did!
NURSE GOODBODY
Professor Arturo, I'm going to ask
you a delicate question and I need
you to be completely honest with
me. Are your...?
She stops and then whispers the question in his ear.
ARTURO
Er... Well, now that you mention
it...
He whispers a response into her ear.
NURSE GOODBODY
The size of a grapefruit, huh?
ARTURO
(embarrassed)
Yes.
NURSE GOODBODY
I see. Well, it looks like we have
a case of a distressed vas
deference vein and possibly a
pinched scroticular nerve.
DR. PIE
A what?
NURSE GOODBODY
(sighs)
He's got a twisted nut.
There is a long pause.
DR. DASSTER
YOU LIE!
NURSE GOODBODY
Actually, the injury is somewhat
common and occurs after a fall or
something like that.
ARTURO
Like when I tried to kill... Er, I
mean... Catch Triumph and fell
through the wall!
NURSE GOODBODY
The testicle is twisted inside the
scrotum cutting off blood flow and
pinching nerves leading to swelling
and pain in walking, sitting, and
everything. It's quite painful
and, if not caught quickly, could
lead to the testicular area being
irreparably damaged.
DR. PIE
Well, I see only one recourse.
ARTURO
What?
DR. PIE
Amputation.
He takes out a pair of scissors.
DR. PIE
You want just the one snipped or
both so they'll be a bit of
symmetry?
ARTURO
GAH!
NURSE GOODBODY
Actually, the procedure to return
blood flow is quite simple and
doesn't even require surgery!
ARTURO
Oh, thank you God.
DR. DASSTER
Oh come on, Nurse! Cures without
surgery? Next thing you know,
you'll be telling us that man's
walked on the moon!
DR. PIE
Besides, you're just a nurse and
we're fully accredited vets!
DR. DASSTER
Doctors.
DR. PIE
Right, doctors! You'll do what we
say and we say it's time to perform
the nutcracker!
The nurse looks at them for a second, picks up a telephone,
and hands it to Dasster.
NURSE GOODBODY
It's for you.
Dasster takes the phone. We can hear the dial tone.
DR. DASSTER
Hello? Hello?
(a beat)
HELLO?
(a beat)
I can hear you, you know! I can
heard you making that weird dial
tone sound!
(a beat)
STOP THAT! YOU'RE SCARING ME!
The nurse wheels Arturo out the door as Dasster and Pie are
still trying to solve the phone dilemma.
DR. PIE
(takes phone)
Let me talk to him.
(to phone)
Who is this? WHO is THIS!?
The phone starts making that beeping sound.
DR. PIE
Who is THIS!?
Doctor Pie throws the phone down.
DR. DASSTER
I'm scared! Hold me!
DR. PIE
Only if you hold me.
Dasster and Pie hold each other in terror.
INT. AN EXAMINATION ROOM
Arturo is resting on a bed as the Nurse tends to him.
ARTURO
So, what exactly does this...
Procedure entail?
NURSE GOODBODY
Oh, it's simple, professor. All we
do is a minor... Readjustment.
ARTURO
Readjustment?
NURSE GOODBODY
We... Untwist your testicle.
ARTURO
How?
NURSE GOODBODY
By hand.
Arturo checks out the nurse's bod.
ARTURO
Well, this won't be so bad after
all.
NURSE GOODBODY
(a beat)
Wha...? Oh, no! No! No! I'm not
going to do it. I'm needed
elsewhere and, frankly, we caught
your condition before it got too
serious. No, you're going to be
helped by a couple of volunteers.
ARTURO
Are they qualified?
NURSE GOODBODY
Oh yes. Like I said. It's a
simple procedure.
ARTURO
(cocks an eyebrow)
What do they look like?
NURSE GOODBODY
Oh, one has beautiful flowing blond
hair and the other is a shapely
brunette.
There is a knock at the door.
NURSE GOODBODY
Oh, that must be them. Have a good
day, professor.
Nurse Goodbody leaves as SIEGFRIED AND ROY enter.
SIEGFRIED
Oh, LOOK Roy! Ve have ourselves a
patient!
ROY
Dah! Oh, dee poor dear looks like
he's in so much pain!
ARTURO
What the HELL!?
SIEGFRIED
So, Heir Arturo, what can ve do for
chew?
ARTURO
W-Well...
ROY
Oh, don't be afraid, professor! Ve
are professionals!
ARTURO
All right... But ONLY because this
pain is killing me!
SIEGFRIED
Vhat pain?
ARTURO
I have... a distressed vas
deference vein and possibly a
pinched scroticular nerve.
Siegfried and Roy stare blankly.
ARTURO
(mumbled)
I have a twisted nut.
SIEGFRIED
No, vhat is REALLY wrong vit chew?
ARTURO
I have a twisted nut.
Roy reads the chart.
ROY
Vell, vhat do chew know! He DOES
have a twisted little ballsy!
SIEGFRIED
Vell, dis is a first for me!
ROY
Well, shall ve get down to it?
SIEGFRIED
(puts on rubber gloves)
Oh, lets!
ARTURO
Oh god...
INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM
The room is empty as Jesse and Johnathan enter.
JESSE
We've been looking for treasure for
hours and all we've found so far
has been these silver booster
chairs!
He holds up a couple of bedpans.
JOHNATHAN
Yeah, but aren't they cool?
Nurse Goodbody enters.
NURSE GOODBODY
What are you two doing in here?
JESSE
We're looking for treasure.
NURSE GOODBODY
What do you mean? Do you mean some
sort of existential metaphysical
journey for knowledge and
enlightenment that could never
truly be fulfilled?
JOHNATHAN
(beat, blankly)
We're... Looking for treasure.
JESSE
Or this guy, Professor Arturo. You
seen him?
NURSE GOODBODY
Oh, you're friends of the
professor... The poor guy. Well,
this is his room... You can wait
for him until he gets back.
She leaves. Jesse looks over at the table and sees the
charts from the cadaver that Dasster and Pie brought in.
JESSE
(picks up charts)
Hey, look at this!
JESSE
Treasure?
JESSE
No, better!
JOHNATHAN
(looks)
Cool! The professor's medical
charts! What do they say!? What
do they say?
JESSE
Uh-oh. This looks bad.
INT. THE HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
The entire gang is sitting in the waiting room for some word
on the professor when Jesse and Johnathan enter.
JESSE
Guys! Guys! Look at this!
LIAM
What is it?
JESSE
We swiped the professor's medical
charts.
STACY
What? You can't go through
someone's personal medical
information! Don't you two have
any self-respect?
Jesse and Johnathan stare at her blankly.
STACY
Right. Sorry. I forgot who I was
talking to.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
So, what do they say? How much
does he REALLY weigh?
Stacy snatches the charts away from them.
STACY
No one is looking through anyone's
confidential files and that's
final! You damn voyeurs!
She glances down at them and something catches her eye.
STACY
(reading)
Oh my God!
JOHNATHAN
Excuse me, pot... The kettle's
calling!
LIAM
Well? What do they say?
STACY
They say... That the professor's
going to die!
DORIS
(she grabs the charts)
Let me see that!
(reading)
You're right, dearie... This isn't
good.
Tempus takes the charts.
TEMPUS
Excuse me, ladies, but I was
trained in the 31st century on all
forms of human anatomy and
medicine. I think I'm just a
smidge more qualified to read these
charts.
(he looks)
What language is this printed in?
DORIS
You're holding them upside down,
future boy.
Tempus flips them over.
TEMPUS
Everything's on a computer screen
where I come from, okay? We live
in a paperless world.
BIPPO
That must take the fun out of
bathroom time.
TEMPUS
(reads)
According to this, the professor
has the body of a twenty year old.
LIAM
That's a relief.
TEMPUS
A dead twenty year old.
Everyone gasps.
TEMPUS
In fact, I have no idea why he
hasn't died already. The
professor's a walking corpse,
basically.
THAD
Well, it's good to know that at
least THIS landlord's death won't
be on my hands.
LIAM
Well, t-t-this is terrible! It's
awful! What are we going to do?
GARY
Well, the professor's going to be
in denial for a while.
LIAM
How do you know that?
GARY
Well, after Kari and I were
married, she was in denial with the
pool man, her masseuse, her
personal trainer, the next door
neighbor, the paper boy, Hugh
Grant...
STACY
So, you and Kari Wuhrer didn't have
the ideal marriage like the two of
you let on?
GARY
No... The problems started on our
honeymoon...
RIPPLE DISSOLVE
TO:
EXT. A HAWAIIAN BEACH
Gary and KARI WUHRER are sunbathing when a group of natives
stand over them.
NATIVE
We are sorry, Gary, but to appease
the Volcano God, we must sacrifice
a virgin!
GARY
(to Kari)
Did you HAVE to tell everyone?
The natives grab Gary and drag him away as we...
RIPPLE DISSOLVE
TO:
THE HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
As before.
GARY
(remembering)
That was a magical night.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
Look, honey, it's probably best if
we don't pressure the professor
about his impending demise, you
know?
LIAM
That's right. I mean, he's
probably going to be a mess when he
gets out of here!
Arturo enters.
ARTURO
I've had enough of this bloody
place. Let's get the hell out of
here!
LIAM
Uh, professor? How did it go in
there?
ARTURO
I don't want to talk about it.
LIAM
But I...
ARTURO
I said I DON'T want to speak of
this incident ever again!
Arturo storms off.
CHOCOLATE TREAT
See what I mean?
LIAM
Oh God... The professor's going to
DIE!
Liam and the gang sadly walk after the professor as the
camera finds a woman sitting in a chair. Doctor Dasster and
Pie go up to her.
WOMAN
How's my husband?
DR. DASSTER
Well, we're not going to sugar coat
it, ma'am. You're husband was in a
terrible accident.
DR. PIE
He lost both legs and has multiple
factures in his arms.
DR. DASSTER
He has severe blunt head trauma and
significant brain damage.
DR. PIE
He'll live, but he'll be a complete
vegetable for the rest of his life.
DR. DASSTER
Hooked up to respirators...
DR. PIE
Dependent on you for everything...
DR. DASSTER
You'll have to clean up after
him...
DR. PIE
Hand feed him...
DR. DASSTER
Clean out his diapers...
WOMAN
(weeping)
Oh GOD...
DR. DASSTER
(laughing)
Aw, we're just kidding!
DR. PIE
(laughing)
Yeah, he's dead.
INT. UPDA CREEK LOBBY
Arturo is going over some books as Liam enters.
LIAM
Professor, are you all right?
ARTURO
For God's sake, Liam... That's the
fifth time you've asked me in the
last hour! I'm fine, I'm dandy,
and I feel a hundred percent
better, despite the fact that I
have been molested and may never
truly love again!
LIAM
What?
ARTURO
(caught)
Nothing! I don't want to talk
about it!
LIAM
Professor, something happened to
you in that hospital and you just
don't have the balls to admit it.
ARTURO
(pause)
What... Did you... Say?
LIAM
Professor, I know about what
happened.
ARTURO
(shocked)
You do?
LIAM
Yeah, Jesse and Jonathan told
everyone?
Arturo buries his head in his hands.
ARTURO
They did?
LIAM
Yep, we know every detail.
ARTURO
(sighs)
Well, my life is over.
LIAM
Professor, your... Condition is
nothing to be ashamed of.
ARTURO
Says you.
LIAM
Professor, this happens to everyone
sooner or later.
ARTURO
It does?
LIAM
Yeah, it's just a part of life.
ARTURO
What?
LIAM
Take Mister Hilter for example... I
mean, when it happened to him, it
took EVERYONE by surprise.
ARTURO
It happened to Mister Hilter?
LIAM
Yeah.
(beat, sarcastic)
Duh!
ARTURO
Well, maybe I shouldn't be as
embarrassed as I am!
LIAM
That's the spirit!
ARTURO
(proud)
I'm am Maximillion Arturo!
LIAM
Yes you are!
ARTURO
I don't CARE what happened to me!
LIAM
No you don't!
ARTURO
My life will go on!
Liam prepares to respond, but then breaks down and cries.
ARTURO
Liam? What is it?
LIAM
You're going to DIE!
ARTURO
WHAT!?
LIAM
We read your medical chart and saw
that your body was riddled with
tumors and blockages and...
ARTURO
What the HELL are you talking
about? I was given a physical and
I'm as healthy as a horse!
LIAM
Huh? But... But the medical chart
said...
ARTURO
WHAT medical chart?
Liam hands it to him.
ARTURO
You... IDIOT! Number one, the man
in this chart weighed five hundred
pounds!
Liam stares blankly.
ARTURO
...and I don't.
LIAM
You... Don't?
ARTURO
Secondly, the person in this chart
was over sixty years old!
Liam stares blankly.
ARTURO
(sighs)
...and I'm not.
LIAM
You're not?
ARTURO
And thirdly, the person in THIS
medical file... IS A WOMAN!!!
LIAM
It is?
Liam looks.
LIAM
She is!
(beat)
But... But Tempus said...
ARTURO
Tempus!
Arturo hands Liam a book off his desk.
ARTURO
Read this.
LIAM
(reading)
Wen... O-on that aprool noun...
(a beat)
What language is this?
Arturo takes the book.
ARTURO
It's English, Liam... Chaucer's
Canturbury Tales in the original
old English from about six hundred
years ago. Obviously, the English
language evolves between now and
the 31st century and Tempus, in his
never ending and never successful
attempts to show how much more
intelligent he is than us, screwed
up our current English.
LIAM
Wow. So, you're not going to die?
ARTURO
No, I'm not going to die.
LIAM
Wonderful! I guess we'd better
tell the others!
ARTURO
Yes, I'm sure they'll all be
relieved.
LIAM
Yeah... But that's not the reason
we should tell them.
INT. THAD'S APARTMENT
THAD and BIPPO are interviewing DOCTOR SMITH and the ROBOT
from Lost in Space.
THAD
So, tell me... What makes you think
you're qualified to take over the
duties of Superintendent of Upda
Creek Apartments.
DOCTOR SMITH
Simple, my young luscious lad... My
large mental capacity leaves all
other candidates mere toadies
compared to me. Furthermore, I...
Arturo and Liam enter.
ARTURO
What the HELL is this?
BIPPO
(to Smith)
Uh, maybe you should come back
later.
ARTURO
You idiots, I am NOT dying!
BIPPO
(to Smith)
We'll be in touch.
DOCTOR SMITH
(to Thad)
Perhaps later, you can come by my
apartment where I will show you my
etchings from many lands.
ROBOT
DANGER! DANGER, THAD COFFEY!
DANGER!
DOCTOR SMITH
(to robot)
You bitch.
Smith and the Robot exit.
BIPPO
This isn't what it looks like,
professor! We're not replacing
you, we're just looking for someone
to do what you do after you die.
ARTURO
I'M NOT DYING!!!
Thad and Bippo are silent.
THAD
Whew! THAT's a relief. I couldn't
decide between Doctor Smith or
Giles from Buffy the Vampire
Slayer!
ARTURO
You are all... MORONS!!!
Arturo stomps out, Liam follows.
BIPPO
Yep... That man is going to outlive
you all... Because I'll kill him
last.
THAD
Bippo, that's a stupid joke.
BIPPO
Joke?
INT. THE HALLWAY
Liam walks after Arturo.
LIAM
So, Professor... If you weren't
dying, what was wrong with you?
ARTURO
I had a twisted nut.
LIAM
No, really... What was wrong with
you?
ARTURO
Twisted nut, Liam.
LIAM
Look, if you don't want to tell me,
that's fine.
FADE OUT:
THE END