THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 3.22 - "Just Doo It One More Time"
Written by Jason Donner
INT. HELL
Satan sits in his throne holding a glass of wine. The door
opens and SCRAPPY enters, stands in front of the devil, puts
his hands behind his back, and kicks the ground like a little
kid.
SCRAPPY
Master, I was wondering if I could
finally take revenge on my Uncle
Scooby now.
SATAN
(sighs, sounds bored)
What's your plan?
SCRAPPY
Well, I thought that I would use
the Nega-scope and...
SATAN
Excellent plan. Proceed.
SCRAPPY
YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING!!!
A beat.
SCRAPPY
I mean, thank you master.
Scrappy quickly exits. Satan turns to his left and we see a
dark figure with glowing eyes that wasn't there before.
SATAN
That should keep him busy for a few
hours. Now, where was I? Ah yes,
Senestra Malevolous... and our
arrangement...
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
LIAM, THAD, TRIUMPH, and BIPPO are hanging a banner that says
'HAPPY NEW YEARS 2002 - THIS NEW YEAR BROUGHT TO YOU BY DONCO
EATERIES - NOW WITH 65 PERCENT ACTUAL FOOD!"
ARTURO
I still don't understand why we
have to have this year's party in
my apartment.
TRIUMPH
Uh, uh, uh, fat boy! OUR
apartment! I pay half the rent!
ARTURO
I pay all the utilities!
TRIUMPH
Well, I pay all of our pay-per-view
bills!
ARTURO
But you're the only one who watches
pay-per-veiw and it's usually
movies like 'Shilo' and 'Cats and
Dogs' and 'Benji the Hunted'!
TRIUMPH
BENJI IS A HACK! I AM A MUCH
BETTER STAR THAN THAT HOMO EVER
WILL BE!!!
Triumph runs to his room and slams the door.
LIAM
I think you hit a nerve, professor.
ARTURO
Yes, and it was on purpose.
Triumph is incredibly jealous of
any dog star. Why, every night
when Fraiser comes on, I can hardly
hear the set because of him yelling
at that dog, calling him a lame one
note actor and so forth.
LIAM
But to rub Triumph's nose in it
like you just did. Doesn't that
seem a little mean?
GARY THE FANBOY walks in.
ARTURO
Mean? No, It's great because now I
have something of Triumph's that I
can poop on!
GARY
Boy, that's an awkward place to
join a conversation.
The doorbell rings. Thad jumps down to answer it and it's
SCOOBY, DAPHNIE, THELMA, FRED, SHAGGY, and FLIM FLAM.
FRED
Is Liam in here? He wasn't in his
apartment.
THAD
Yeah, he's in here.
(to others)
Hey, guys! Look who it is!
LIAM
Scooby!
BIPPO
Daphnie!
THAD
Thelma!
ARTURO
Fred!
LIAM
Shaggy!
BIPPO
(re: Flim Flam)
Who the f*ck are you?
FLIM FLAM
I'm Flim Flam!
DAPHNIE
Isn't he just the cutest thing?
GARY
No. He's like Scrappy II: The
Sequel.
THELMA
He's started solving mysteries with
us recently.
LIAM
Since when?
SHAGGY
The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo.
GARY
The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo!?
That had Flim Flam AND Scrappy in
it!
THAD
(reacts in horror)
SWEET JESUS! How did you guys
stand it?
SHAGGY
Ear plugs, denial, and narcotics
mostly. I wonder if any of those
ghosts we chased were even real.
DAPHNIE
You guys STOP picking on Flim Flam!
FLIM FLAM
Yeah!
SCOOBY
Rye rowt ryke rim. Rees a rittle
run ruv ray rich!
ARTURO
Do any of you actually understand
what that dog is saying?
SCOOBY
Reat ree roo rat rhit!
ARTURO
Nope, I'm not getting it.
SCOOBY
Rut-runch!
Triumph reenters.
TRIUMPH
What is that racket? Who is here?
Triumph sees Scooby.
TRIUMPH
SCOOBY DOO!
SCOOBY
Rhiuph!
TRIUMPH
You BASTARD!
SCOOBY
Runt!
TRIUMPH
I'll have you know I was the
biggest in my family!
THAD
Uh, I don't think 'runt' was what
Scooby said.
ARTURO
That still doesn't invalidate
Triumph's previous statement.
TRIUMPH
(to Scooby)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME!
SCOOBY
Rear rere roo ree Riam roar roo
rears, roo rass riding raggot!
TRIUMPH
(a beat, to Fred and gang)
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME!
SHAGGY
Like, chill Triumph, we're just
passing through Las Vegas and
thought we'd drop in on Liam for
New Years!
TRIUMPH
Oh no you don't! Liam is MY
friend!
SCOOBY
Rees rine!
TRIUMPH
Mine!
SCOOBY
Rine!
TRIUMPH
Mine!
SCOOBY
Rine!
TRIUMPH
MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!
MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!
MINE! (ect...)
SCOOBY
RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE!
RINE! RINE! RINE! RINE!
RINE! RINE! (ect...)
LIAM
I've never felt so loved.
TRIUMPH
Nyaa Nyaa!
SCOOBY
Rucker!
FLIM FLAM
Wow! It looks like Scooby and
Triumph don't like each other!
BIPPO
Thanks for the news flash there,
Tom Obvious. Could this situation
get any more awkward?
SCRAPPY DOO crashes through the ceiling.
GARY
Obviously it can.
THAD
Aw, Now I'm going to have to fix
that!
SCOOBY
RAPPY! Rhat rar roo rooing rear!?
SCRAPPY
I'm here...
Scrappy takes out a large weapon, THE NEGA-SCOPE
SCRAPPY
...TO KILL YOU!!! FEEL THE FURY OF
THE NEGA-SCOPE!!!
EVERYONE
ZOINKS!!!
(with the exception of
Scooby who says
'Roinks!')
Scrappy fires!
Music Sting
BLACKOUT
-----------
THEME SONG (To the theme of "Higher" by Creed)
Well I'm thinkin'
It's time to do another
episode with Scooby
Dooby Doo and gang.
And I'm writing
Another weird collection
of words and jokes and phrases
That I'll never use again.
Now it's airing.
And I hope and pray.
That you'll like it.
It's underway!
Can you rate it higher?
Like around a "good" or "great"?
If you don't rank it higher,
I think I'll get quite irate.
Can you rate it higher?
Higher than the last few tales?
Can you rate is higher?
Don't tell me it sucks or smells!
Olé!
-----------
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Rarring
Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"
John Rhys-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"
Seann William Scott
as
"Thad Coffey"
and
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"
Ralso Rarring
Neil Patrick Harris
as
"Gary the Fanboy"
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
and
Scrappy Doo
Rest Rarring
Robert Duncan McNeil
as
"Fred"
Julia Roberts
as
"Daphnie"
Janeane Garofalo
as
"Velma"
and
Kevin Bacon
as
"Shaggy"
Rand Ressial Rest Rars
Freddie Prince Junior
as
"Nega-Fred"
Sarah Michelle Gellar
as
"Nega-Daphnie"
Linda Cardellini
as
"Nega-Velma"
and
Matthew Lillard
as
"Nega-Shaggy"
The Following is rated TV-IM. Immature Audiences Only.
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
Scrappy has fired the Nega-Scope at Scooby, Fred, Daphnie,
Thelma, and Shaggy. Scrappy clicks the beam off and laughs
evilly. However, the camera swings back to Scooby and the
gang and we see that they are all perfectly unharmed.
SCOOBY
Rhat ruh rhell?
FRED
We're not hurt!
SHAGGY
Like, I ruined a perfectly good
pair of underwear for THAT?
LIAM
Scrappy! You've wrought mischief
on me and my friends for the last
time! Thad, SIC EM!
Thad stands there.
LIAM
What are you waiting for? Turn
into the wolf and kill him!
THAD
Yeah, but... He totally kicked my
ass last time and it really hurt
and...
LIAM
You pansy! Bippo! Go get 'em!
BIPPO
Are you NUTS!? I'm not going
anywhere near that psychopath!
GARY
I could say something, but it would
be to easy. That, and it would
probably get me killed.
BIPPO
Good call, runt.
Scrappy laughs and disappears in a wave of hellfire.
FLIM FLAM
What do you think all THAT was
about?
FRED
I don't know, but I've got a bad
feeling about this.
TRIUMPH
Whatever! Now, all of you GET OUT
OF HERE!!!
ARTURO
Triumph, you're being rude! Why do
you harbor such ill feeling towards
Mister Doo and his associates?
TRIUMPH
Why? THEY RUINED MY CAREER!
THAD
Do what?
FRED
Triumph was the first Scooby Doo.
FLIM FLAM
You mean there was a Scooby BEFORE
Scooby Doo?
TRIUMPH
They called me... Scooby Don't.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. A TELEVISION STUDIO
FRED, DAPHNIE, THELMA, SHAGGY are waiting on the soundstage
while CAMERAMEN and a DIRECTOR wait.
The director is wearing black goggles, has white spiky hair,
and is in a wheelchair... A lot like Doctor Strangelove.
SUBTITLE: "HOLLYWOOD - 1968"
DIRECTOR
Ve're IS he?
SHAGGY
Like, it's been four hours!
DIRECTOR
Ve are loosing precious chuting
time! Zee pilot episode of Scooby
Don't: Vere Are Chew is due in two
months and zis dog-actor... Zis
Triumph is RUINING every-zing!
Triumph enters with two French Poodles and a bottle of
Absolut Vodka.
TRIUMPH
The STAR is HERE!
DIRECTOR
Triumph! Chew are LATE for
chuting! 'alf of zee day is GONE!
TRIUMPH
Well, the other half will have to
be gone as well because I'm late
for dinner at Hugh Hefner's house.
DIRECTOR
If chew leave I vill FIRE CHEW!
TRIUMPH
Fire me? You can't replace me!
DIRECTOR
Dah, I can! Any dog can do chore
job! Even zat brown and black
Great Dane verking in zee
commissary!
TRIUMPH
The retard with the speech
impediment?
DIRECTOR
Zee same!
TRIUMPH
You insult me! I quit! This show
won't last a year without me!
Triumph storms out. The Director stands from his wheelchair.
DIRECTOR
GET OUT! GET OUT! GET...
(a beat, realizes...)
MINE FUHUR! I CAN VALK!
He falls flat on his face.
DIRECTOR
Uh... No. Nevermind.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE
TO:
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
As before.
TRIUMPH
Scooby Doo got the job and the show
was a hit while I ended up doing
bits on late night television.
ARTURO
Well, that's just fine and dandy...
But it doesn't explain what Scrappy
was doing here!
GARY
Wait, I'm confused...
DAPHNIE
Maybe he just wanted to scare us?
GARY
If the show was filming in 1969,
wouldn't you guys be, like, in your
fifties or sixties by now?
FRED
I doubt he was here just to scare
us. That weapon he fired at us
looked sophisticated and you KNOW
how much he hates us!
GARY
Seriously, listen to me! What were
you all doing on a TV show about
you solving mysteries if that's
what you really DO in real life!
LIAM
Maybe there's someone we can ask
about that... Nega-Scope was.
GARY
Guys, why isn't anyone answering my
well-founded by very picky
questions?
Bippo takes a rag, douses it in chloroform, and puts it over
Gary's face. Gary passes out and falls out of frame.
FLIM FLAM
Wait, there IS someone we can ask!
SHAGGY
Like, you don't mean...!
FLIM FLAM
Yep!
Flim Flam takes a crystal ball out of his jacket and rubs it.
The face of VINCENT PRICE appears inside the ball.
ARTURO
Vincent Price? But he's dead!
VINCENT PRICE
FOOL! You should know that the
confines of death could not hold I,
Vincent Price! Muh ha ha ha haaa!
Everyone takes a step back away from the crystal ball.
FLIM FLAM
Vince, what's a Nega-Scope?
VINCENT PRICE
A nega-scope, eh? It is a weapon
used by the forces of hell in the
uprising against heaven. When
fired upon someone, it makes a
template and then snatches a copy
of that person from the Negaverse.
LIAM
The what?
VINCENT PRICE
The Negaverse... A perverted mirror
image of our universe where good is
bad, light is dark, and Freddie
Prince Junior is talented.
BIPPO
IMPOSSIBLE!
ARTURO
You mean to tell me that Scrappy
Doo is making Nega-copies of
Shaggy, Freddy, Scooby, Thelma, and
Fred?
VINCENT PRICE
Exactly.
ARTURO
Oh, COME OFF IT! What proof do we
have?
Suddenly, The wall blows open revealing a giant hole.
THAD
Son of a BITCH! Can't the forces
of evil use a damn DOOR for once!?
Five figures appear in the hole. NEGA-FRED, wearing a
sleeveless white shirt, sporting piercing, chains, and a
Mohawk. NEGA-DAPHNIE: With a slutty miniskirt, and a low
cut top with the words "PORN STAR" etched across the front.
NEGA-THELMA: A butch lesbian wearing leather and a whip with
a buzz-cut. NEGA-SHAGGY: A tall lanky crack addict with a
nervous twitch and torets. And NEGA-SCOOBY, a black Great
Dane with sharp teeth, red eyes, and a foaming mouth.
Scrappy steps out from behind them.
SCRAPPY
Behold! The Nega-Scooby Doo Gang!
SCOOBY
Row no!
NEGA-SCOOBY
(English accent)
I am devoir to assent. I am
disinclined to phonate the interval
has transpired for you to succumb,
my dear counter universal brethren.
NEGA-SHAGGY
Like... (twitch) ...in other words,
you're gonna... (twitch)
...gonna... POOPIE! DILLWEED!
SHIZZIT! TIG OL' BITTIES! ...Kill
you, man!
Nega-Thelma cracks her whip.
NEGA-THELMA
Not yet! Let me have some FUN with
them!
Nega-Fred puts on a pair of brass knuckles.
NEGA-FRED
I'm gonna send this one out to all
my negas.
Gary slowly gets up, still pretty woozy.
GARY
Did I miss anything while I was
beddie-bye?
BIPPO
Nega-clone via a nega-scope from
the nega-dimension.
GARY
Huh?
BIPPO
(sighs)
Refer to Star Trek episode #34.
Gary stands there for a second as his head makes computing
sounds. Finally, there is a 'PING' sound.
GARY
Evil mirror versions of the Scooby
Doo gang?
BIPPO
Bingo.
GARY
Got it. Filed. Stored. Ready.
Ctrl, alt, delete.
LIAM
Guys, look at them! They look
ridiculous!
How do we know that these nega
people pose any kind of real
threat?
Nega-Thelma cracks her whip around Flim Flam's neck and yanks
his head off with one tug. The Crystal Ball falls out of his
dead hands, rolls out the door, and bounces down some stairs.
VINCENT PRICE (O.C.)
Owie! Owie! Owie!
LIAM
Huh. That would seem to prove it
beyond any reasonable shadow of a
doubt.
NEGA-SCOOBY
I am de rigueur to observe that you
are timorous analogous to the way
we aspire you to be.
SCRAPPY
(confused from Nega
Scooby's speech)
Uh...
(quickly)
T-That's right, you fools! Welcome
to MY gang! Nega-Scooby Doo Gang
ATTACK!
Scrappy throws a quarter into the air.
The Nega-Scooby Gang leap at Liam and the real Scooby Doo
Gang. Nega-Shaggy hits Shaggy across the face. Nega-Scooby
kicks Arturo through a wall and smacks Liam against another
wall. Nega-Fred breaks a chair over Fred's head and kicks
Gary in the balls. Nega-Daphnie fires arrows from a small
crossbow on her wrist and pins Thad through his clothing to
the wall and kicks Daphnie in the head. Nega-Thelma cracks
her whip around Thelma and Bippo knocking their heads
together and sending them into unconsciousness.
Scrappy's quarter hits the ground.
SCRAPPY
Excellent, my pretties! You've
made your daddy proud!
Liam wakes up as Nega-Thelma's boot comes down on his chest.
Liam farts.
LIAM
Sorry.
NEGA-THELMA
No, I'm sorry for the torture and
extremely slow and painful death
you're about to go through. Today,
we're going to start killing you.
LIAM
Start?
SCRAPPY
The people from the Negaverse are
extremely... Shall we say...
Creative when it comes to killing
people.
Nega-Fred pulls Arturo's unconscious bulk out of the wall.
NEGA-FRED
The way we do it takes five days.
THAD
(still pinned to wall)
F-Five days?
NEGA-THELMA
We're going to pour honey on your
genitals and nail you to the ground
over a fire ant bed.
NEGA-SHAGGY
We're gonna... (twitch) ...gonna
tear out your fingernails and...
BOOTYLICIOUS! And make you eat
your own intestines. PEE-PEE!
NEGA-FRED
We're going to break all your teeth
with a ball ping hammer and then
make you drink rubbing alcohol.
NEGA-SCOOBY
We design to extract your eyeballs
while still affixed to your ocular
nerve and allow voluminous vermin
to make a repast of them while you
are constrained to scrutinize every
macabre and algetic juncture of it.
NEGA-DAPHNIE
But first... we're going to make
you watch every Freddie Prince
Junior movie ever made.
Liam and Thad, being the only two left conscious, scream in
terror as does Scrappy Doo.
SCRAPPY
Sweet Jesus, that's TOO much!
THAD
Well, I'm not going to let your
torture ME to death! IT'S WEREWOLF
CLOBBERING TIME!
(a beat)
And by that, I mean it's the
werewolf who's going to be
clobbering not the werewolf that
gets clobbered... BUT NEVERTHELESS!
Thad transforms into the werewolf and tries to break free of
the arrows.
THAD/WEREWOLF
(struggling futilely)
Damn... UGH... Damn high quality
double stitched Ambroque and Finch
clothing! Why must I be so vain!?
WOOF!
LIAM
You just couldn't buy K-Mart like
the rest of us, could you!
THAD/WEREWOLF
WOOF! Bite me! WOOF!
SCRAPPY
But as for my Uncle Scooby, his
death will be at MY hands. I...
A beat. Scrappy looks around.
SCRAPPY
All right, where's my Uncle Scooby?
LIAM
And for that matter, where's
Triumph?
NEGA-SHAGGY
They, like... (twitch) ...must
have gotten away during the fight.
BOOBS!
THAD/WEREWOLF
(still struggling against
bonds)
Woof! Woof!
SCRAPPY
Aw, who let the dogs out?
THAD/WEREWOLF
Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
SCRAPPY
I said... Who let the dogs out!?
THAD/WEREWOLF
Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
SCRAPPY
ANSWER ME YOU FOOLS! WHO LET THE
DOGS OUT!?
THAD/WEREWOLF
Woof! Wo...
SCRAPPY
SHUT UP!
LIAM
Yes, Thad.. Shut up.
NEGA-SCOOBY
I'm solicitous to confer that they
absconded by dint of the vacuity
that my cohort produced when he
hurdled Professor Arturo through
the wall. It was ineliminable.
SCRAPPY
Very well, because I am a merciful
master and I don't have the
slightest idea what the hell you
just said, I will spare you this
time. Besides, disposing of my
Uncle Scooby's friends will hurt
him worse than I ever could!
LIAM
Oh yeah!? Well I bet that right
now, Triumph and Scooby are getting
the Justice Squad or something to
save us! You just wait, Scrappy!
YOU JUST WAIT!!!
EXT. A ROAD OUTSIDE OF LAS VEGAS
A car zooms down the road away from the city.
INT. THE CAR
Scooby is driving with his teeth chattering while Triumph
sits in the passenger seat.
TRIUMPH
Move it, Scooby! Give it some
f*cking gas!
SCOOBY
Rime riving rit rall ree's rot!
TRIUMPH
I say we only stop to gas up and if
we have to go, we just hang it out
the window! When we get to New
York, we hop a plane and get to
some out of the way quite and safe
Third World Country!
SCOOBY
(sadly)
Row-kay.
TRIUMPH
Oh, what are you so mopey about, my
phonetically challenged friend?
YOU'RE still alive!
SCOOBY
Reah, rut rhall rye rends rar roing
roo rye ree-rause rye rusen't rave
ree-ruff roo rave rim. Rall rye
rife ri've reen running rand
running rum revery-ring. Ronsters,
riches, rere-roofs, and roasts.
Scooby slows down and stops on the side of the road.
SCOOBY
Rime rired ruv running rall ree
ryme. Rye rhant roo rand rup roar
rye-relf roar ronce. Row roar ram
rye rowing roo run revery-ryme rye
ree rum-ring rhat rares ree. Rhyme
rowing roo rand rup roar rye-relf!
Rhyme rowing roo ree rum-roddy!
Rhyme rowing roo rave rye rends!
TRIUMPH
That was a touching sentiment.
SCOOBY
Really?
TRIUMPH
FOR ME TO POOP ON! I didn't
understand a single word that came
out of your mouth!
Scooby gets out of the car and begins walking back to town.
TRIUMPH
Hey! Where are you going!?
Scooby keeps walking.
TRIUMPH
What? To go save your friends?
Come on! Have you LOOKED at them?
That Fred for example, I would have
to wear protection just to hump his
leg! I kid... I kid! They're good
kids. FOR ME TO...
(a beat)
GET BACK IN THE CAR, IDIOT!
Scooby keeps walking.
INT. AN ARMY SURPLUS STORE
A man sits at the counter as Scooby walks up to the counter.
MAN
And what can I do for you?
SCOOBY
Runs. Rots rof runs.
MONTAGE:
A paw grabs a machine gun.
A paw grabs a strip of ammunition
A paw grabs a Bowie knife.
A paw grabs a soda.
Scooby is facing away from the camera as he wraps a bandana
around his head.
Scooby puts on a black leather jacket.
Scooby puts on a pair of sunglasses.
EXT. THE ARMY SURPLUS STORE
The floors fly open and smoke billows outward. We see a
silhouette as the camera zooms in. It's Scooby Doo dressed
up like a cross between the Terminator and Rambo. Scooby
cocks a shotgun.
SCOOBY
Rhile ree rack roar rah rooby rack!
MUSIC
Buh-duh duh-dah-daa! Buh-duh duh
dah-daa! Buh-duh duh-dah-daa! Buh
duh duh-dah-daa!
INT. ARTURO'S APARTMENT
Arturo, Liam, Fred, Daphnie, Thad, Bippo, Thelma, Bippo, and
Gary are tied up on a couch being forced to watch television.
On top of the VCR we see video covers for "Wing Commander",
"Head Over Heals", "Boys and Girls", and "She's All That".
Nega-Scooby, Nega-Fred, Nega-Daphnie, Nega-Thelma, and
Scrappy look on from a safe distance. All of the gang are
staring blankly ahead with drool dripping from their agap
mouths. Gary, on the other hand, is leaning forward bouncing
up and down in his seat enjoying the show.
GARY
Wow! Wing Commander kicks ASS!!!
SCRAPPY
(to Nega-Fred)
I don't understand! This Freddie
Prince drivel should have turned
them ALL into slobbering idiots!
NEGA-FRED
Not to worry. Once we put in
"Summer Catch" they'll ALL be
lomobomized including the little
sci-fi freak.
EXT. A ROOFTOP
Overlooking Upda Creek Apartments we see the black Silhouette
of Scooby Doo holding some kind of a shotgun.
EFFECTS SHOT:
We see the sights of the gun. The crosshairs are pointed at
Scrappy Doo's head.
THE TRIGGER
Scooby's finger wraps around the trigger.
EFFECTS SHOT:
We the the sight again. Scrappy's head is in the cross
hairs.
SCOOBY'S EYE
Suddenly we see in Scooby's eye, a look that can only be
called pity and compassion.
EXT. A ROOFTOP
We see the black silhouette of Scooby hold the shotgun. He
sighs, places the gun down, and unsheathes his knife. He
puts the knife in his mouth like a pirate and immediately
spits it out.
SCOOBY
ROUCH!!! RYE RUNG!!!
INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT
As before. The gang is staring vacantly ahead as Gary seems
to be enjoying himself.
GARY
Yeah, it's a little dumb... But at
least there's no Jar Jar in it.
MATTHEW LILLARD
(on TV)
Mesa my dah spacey-ship!
GARY
(smiles)
Lillard, you crazy!
NEGA-SHAGGY
That... (twitch) That Lillard
pisses me off. BONG! When we're
done here... (twitch) ...let's kill
him next! POOTY-POO!
NEGA-SCOOBY
All in propitious tempo, my nodding
acquaintance.
There are multifarious commonage I
would dote upon espying detriment
to in the duration hitherto in this
dimensional parallel. That vexing
cur from Fraiser for beau ideal...
SCRAPPY
Parallel Scoobys, different in
every way and I STILL can't
understand either one of them!
NEGA-SHAGGY
HOOTERS! (twitch)
GARY
Would you guys keep it down,
please?
Suddenly, SCOOBY DOO crashes through the last unbroken window
in the building and sets the television aflame with a flame
thrower.
SCRAPPY
SCOOBY DOO!
SCOOBY
Rappy Roo!
GARY
MY MOVIE!!!
Scooby pulls out a machine gun and hold it at Scrappy and the
Nega-Scooby Gang. Liam and the Scooby gang snap out of it.
LIAM
They... They made us watch a
Freddie Prince Junior movie, guys!
SHAGGY
I, like, feel so violated.
BIPPO
Feel violated later, Shnookums.
Now is the time to GET EVEN!
THELMA
(pissed)
You are DAMN STRAIT!!!
The gang is about to advance when Scrappy points at them.
SCRAPPY
Not another step, meat sticks, or I
sic my nega-gang on you.
They're better, stronger, and
faster than all of you and would
take you all out in a second.
NEGA-SHAGGY
Narf! (twitch!) Poit!
ARTURO
He's right. We'd never stand a
chance in a direct conflict.
SCOOBY
Rat's rhat rye rought, rut rye
rhave ray ran!
NEGA-SCOOBY
I am not au fait to compass an
especial vocable you just
animadverted!
SCOOBY
Rhat rid roo ray?
NEGA-SCOOBY
Is it unfeasible for you to
verbalize the English vernacular?
SCOOBY
Reek Ringlish, roo rastard!
NEGA-SCOOBY
Your muzzle is actuating, but
nought is forthcoming!
SCOOBY
Rhat rare roo raying!?
FRED
My God!
ARTURO
It's like a Mobius Loop.
SCRAPPY
(fed up)
ENOUGH OF THIS!!! Nega-Scooby Doo
gang, I COMMAND YOU TO ATTACK!
Scooby points his machine guns at them.
SCOOBY
Rye roodn't roo rat riff rye were
roo!
Everyone looks at Shaggy in confusion. He sighs and walks
over to a switch on the wall that says "SUBTITLES" and flips
it on.
SHAGGY
Like, you were saying?
SCOOBY
Rye raid, rye roodn't roo rat riff
rye were roo!
SUBTITLE
I said, I wouldn't do that if I
were you!
SCRAPPY
And why not?
SCOOBY
Re-rause roar rife ris rin ranger!
SUBTITLE
Because your life is in danger.
SCRAPPY
Don't make me laugh.
SCOOBY
Ro, really rhit riss! Rye ront roo
rive roo rone rast rance roo ree
ray rood rog roar ronce. Rive
reared rum-ring roo-ray... Rive
reaned rat reaven rifferences ran
rive ramily ray rart rand ro rone
rould rold rat rah-rinst ranyron.
Riff roo rant roo rome rack, real
rake roo.
SUBTITLE
?????????????????????????????????
SCRAPPY
I don't understand a single word
that just came out of your stupid
mouth, Scooby Do-Do, but I do know
this! You're no killer and there's
no way you'll fire those weapons at
me! You're too much of a softy to
just kill someone in cold blood.
Scooby stares at him. Finally, he puts the guns down.
SCOOBY
Rammit, ree's right.
BIPPO
I would have done it. I still can!
Watch!
Bippo bends down to get the guns when, all of the sudden,
Nega-Thelma cracks her whip and snatches the guns away. Now,
the Nega-Scooby Doo gang is armed and ready to fire.
BIPPO
Smooth move, Scooby.
THAD
Yeah, thanks a lot.
SCRAPPY
I've been waiting so long for this!
No more waiting! We have to kill
them all NOW!
NEGA-FRED
Yes! Kill NOW!
NEGA-SHAGGY
TALLY-WACKER!!! (twitch!) BANG
BANG! BOOM BOOM KITTY! Snark.
NEGA-SCOOBY
I acquiesce... Well, I accede in
favor of the partage anent
dispatching our emulators. Not the
portion apropos to the phallus.
SCRAPPY
Whatever. Now, DIE!!!
The Nega-gang and Scrappy are about to blow Liam and the
Scooby Doo gang away when, suddenly...
VOICE
Tah, dah, dah, dah, duh, dah!
SCRAPPY
That... That voice!
VOICE
PUPPY POWER!!!
WHAM! Something breaks through the last unbroken window in
the apartment. He stand at a foot high and has an angelic
face, large shiny eyes, and a cute pink little nose.
SCRAPPY
It CAN'T BE!
GARY
What the hell is it?
SCRAPPY
It's...
NEGA-SCRAPPY
The Nega-Scrappy!
Music sting.
NEGA-SCRAPPY
A polar opposite of your Scrappy
from the negaverse! Where he is
pure evil, I am pure good!
BIPPO
I think I'm going to be sick.
SCRAPPY
This changes nothing! You will ALL
be destroyed staring with this
goody-goody abomination of--
Scrappy turns to face the Nega-Scrappy. Nega-Scrappy is
gone.
SCRAPPY
Wha...!? WHERE IS HE!?
Scrappy turns around and sees the Nega-Scooby gang in a
bloody heap on the floor having just had the crap beaten out
of all of them. Scrappy turns back around and Nega-Scrappy
is standing right in front of him.
SCRAPPY
GAH!
NEGA-SCOOBY
Boo.
SCRAPPY
YAH!
Scrappy disappears in a wave of hellfire.
LIAM
Wow! Nega-Scrappy kicks ass!
NEGA-SCRAPPY
Yes, he does.
FRED
Good job, Scoob!
SCOOBY
Ruh?
SHAGGY
Like, making a Nega-copy of Scrappy
and then using it against him.
Brilliant, man!
SCOOBY
Rye ridn't roo rit!
EVERYONE
What?
THELMA
I think he said he didn't do it.
THAD
Then who?
Triumph enters holding the Nega-Scope.
TRIUMPH
That would be me.
SCOOBY
Roo!?
TRIUMPH
Yes, me... Once I finally figured
out what you said it touched me...
touched me in a way that opened my
heart and would have otherwise cost
me at least fifty dollars. Scooby
Doo, I owe you one.
SCOOBY
Raw, rhat a rice ring roo ray!
TRIUMPH
Really?
SCOOBY
ROAR REE ROO ROOP RON!!!
TRIUMPH
Bastard.
EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS
Everyone and the Nega-Scrappy is standing outside as Police
Chief Piggy and several other officers put the Nega-Scooby
gang in a paddy wagon. Liam is talking to Nega-Scrappy.
LIAM
Are you sure that you don't want to
take them back?
NEGA-SCRAPPY
Tuh! Are you kidding? I've spent
a lifetime battling evil in the
negaverse and with them being held
here, in a universe where evil
always looses... It'll only make my
jab easier!
ARTURO
But how are YOU going to get home?
NEGA-SCRAPPY
Easy as pie, professor. Good-bye
everyone.
Nega-Scrappy throws down a black circle which becomes a hole
in the ground and jumps through. Everyone steps forward in
confusion.
LIAM
(re: hole)
What do you call THAT?
BIPPO
A plothole.
Rimshot.
Scooby and Triumph walk by arm in arm.
TRIUMPH
(to Scooby)
No, I'm telling you, you poop
INSIDE the bag first and THEN set
it on fire!
SCOOBY
Rin-Ride! Rot it!
Liam, Thad, Arturo, Gary, Fred, Daphnie, Thelma, and Shaggy
watch them go.
ARTURO
Well, would you look at that.
SHAGGY
Like, they started off not liking
each other and NOW they're best
friends!
LIAM
Kind of give you hope for the
world, doesn't it? That through an
attack by the right hand mutt of
Satan, evil alternate versions of
you, and a screening of a Freddie
Prince Junior movie... The result
is a blossoming friendship.
THAD
Liam, I never knew you were such a
poet.
(a beat)
And I never knew you were so gay.
LIAM
Oh, come on Thad! We're alive,
we're unhurt, the bad guys are
going to jail, we're here with old
friends and about to start a new
year! Yep, things are only looking
up!
FADE TO:
INT. HELL
In a match cut, Liam and his friends are on a big screen TV
being watched by a dark figure with red eyes. The door opens
and SATAN ushers SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS inside with SCRAPPY DOO.
SATAN
(re: dark figure)
Ah, Worldkiller... I was hoping you
would be here.
WORLDKILLER
I have always been here.
SCRAPPY
Been watching Babylon 5 a bit much?
SATAN
Oh, don't mind Scrappy. He just
had his ass handed to him by some
old rivals of his.
A beat. Worldkiller doesn't respond.
SATAN
(unaffected)
Anywho, this is Senestra
Malevolous.
SENESTRA
Charmed.
Senestra goes to take his hand, but her hand passes through
his.
SENESTRA
(taken aback)
Well... Heh heh... I never liked
dense men anyway.
SATAN
Senestra, Worldkiller isn't here
yet... Only on his way. This is
him in his holographic form.
WORLDKILLER
Why are you introducing me to your
underlings, dark one?
SATAN
Oh, you know... Being the lord and
master of the underworld is a time
consuming prospect and I must take
care of it or else the damned will
get backed up and there will be
paperwork and all that stuff that
will be a giant pain in my ass.
Therefore, I am delegating my
second in command and my liaison to
the overworld to take care of your
needs.
WORLDKILLER
We had a deal.
SATAN
Look, with the US bombing al Qedia,
there's a bunch of terrorists down
here whining about their 17 virgins
and how they were promised they
were going to sit on the right side
of Allah and all that crap.
Idiots.
WORLDKILLER
I will not be pandered to.
SATAN
You're not. I trust these two
implicitly.
Worldkiller looks at Scrappy and Senestra.
WORLDKILLER
Very well, dark one. I will allow
this concession.
Satan looks like he's trying not to snicker.
SATAN
(snorts)
Uh, yeah.
(clears throat)
Well, Worldkiller, my friend in
fiendishness... So begins the final
year of the Earth, eh?
WORLDKILLER
And the first year of the re
creation where WE will be gods.
Satan looks up at the monitor where Liam and the gang are
celebrating New Years.
SATAN
Oh yes, Liam Smith... celebrate
now. Soon, you will meet your
ultimate fate and I will have your
soul! Senestra! Scrappy! See to
Worldkiller's plans! I'll be
preoccupied!
Satan marches out the door. Senestra and Scrappy look
fearfully at Worldkiller.
FADE OUT:
THE END