Wendy the Werewolf Killer
                                   THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
                        Episode 3.30 - "Wendy the Werewolf Killer"
                                 Written by Jason Donner

                                                       FADE IN:

               EXT. THE CITY STREET - NIGHT

               A lone man is walking down the abandoned sidewalk alone. 
               It's late at night and it's quite creepy.  The man is spooked
               and starts walking a little faster and a little faster until
               a dark figure appears behind him.  He whirls around and faces
               it.

                                   MAN
                             (relieved)
                         Oh, it's you!  For a second there,
                         I thought it was going to be some
                         deranged killer or something.

               The dark figure begins to grow in size and it's eyes start
               glowing yellow.

                                   MAN
                         Hey, that's a pretty good trick,
                         but can you do this?

               The man turns his eyelids inside out.  The dark figure
               pounces on him and, as the camera pans up at the giant full
               moon, the man screams.  The screams turn to gurgles then
               there is silence and then a giant belch.

                                                       FADE OUT:

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               THEME SONG (SUNG TO THE THEME OF "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL
               AIR")
               Now this is a sit-com all about how, Las Vegas gets flipped -
               turned upside down.
               I hope that your calm and sittin' down low,
               and all ready to read the Liam Smith Show.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

                                   THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

                                         STARRING

                                       Dian Bachar
                                            As
                                       "Liam Smith"

                                           And
                                     John Rhys-Davies
                                            As
                                    "Professor Arturo"

                                      Also Starring

                                   Seann William Scott
                                            As
                                      "Thad Coffey"

                                       Gary Dordan
                                            As
                                         "Tempus"

                                       Jason Donner
                                            As
                                         "Donner"

                                           And
                                       David Hopper
                                            As
                                    "Drew Fangtastic"

                                           With
                                      George Clooney
                                            As
                                         "Sunday"

                                       Danny DeVito
                                            As
                                         "Tooty"

                                           And
                                      Louie Anderson
                                            As
                                   "Police Chief Piggy"

                                    Special Guest Star
                                      Jolene Blalock
                                            As
                               "Wendy the Werewolf Killer"

Based on a true story

                                                       FADE IN:

               EXT. THE NEVADA DESERT

               The lights of Las Vegas glitter in the background as the
               camera finds a black van parked on the side of a lonely road. 
               Beside the van, a woman stands peering at the city with a
               pair of binoculars.  She lowers them revealing that she is
               quite the hottie.  This is, of course, WENDY THE WEREWOLF
               KILLER. 
               She bends down and picks up a handful of dirt and lets it
               slip through her fingers.  Something in the dirt catches her
               attention and she holds it up to her eye in between her two
               fingers.  It is a single hair.  She smiles.

                                   WENDY
                         Well, well, well...   Helloooooo
                         doggie!

               Wendy gets in her van and starts it up.  She takes out a
               micro-minidisk recorder and starts talking to it.

                                   WENDY
                         Three-ten-oh-two.  Las Vegas,
                         Nevada... no doubt about it.  This
                         city is home to one of those hairy
                         horrible horrendous beasts I've
                         pledged my life to destroying!  For
                         I am... WENDY THE WEREWOLF
                         KILLER!!!

               Lighting crash.

                                                       CUT TO:

               INT. THAD'S APARTMENT

               Thad is sitting on his couch in his underwear eating chips
               and watching TV.  He belches loudly and scratches his crotch. 
               There is a knock at the door.

                                   THAD
                         S'open!

               Officer TOOTY, Officer SUNDAY, and Chief PIGGY enters.

                                   THAD
                         Oh God, what now?

                                   PIGGY
                         Don't give us the innocent act,
                         Coffey!  You know perfectly well
                         what now!

                                   THAD
                         Uh... actually, I don't.  Would you
                         like some Coffee?

                                   PIGGY
                         Actually, yes... I'd like some
                         Coffey in jail!

                                   THAD
                         Why are you going to jail?

                                   PIGGY
                         I'm not going to jail, you are!

                                   THAD
                         But how are you going to have
                         Coffee in jail if I'm in jail!

                                   PIGGY
                         Because you will BE in jail.

                                   THAD
                         Oh, and you're going to have coffee
                         there?

                                   PIGGY
                         YES!  I'm going to have Coffey in
                         jail!

                                   THAD
                         Is there any reason you can't have
                         Coffee here?

                                   PIGGY
                         I DO have Coffey here!

                                   THAD
                         So, do you want a cup of it or not?

                                   PIGGY
                         Of what?

                                   TOOTY & SUNDAY
                         COFFEE!

                                   THAD
                         What?

                                   PIGGY
                         I want Coffey.

                                   THAD
                         Would you like your coffee black?

                                   PIGGY
                         I have no idea how to respond to
                         that.

               There is a long silence as Thad and Piggy stare at each other
               blankly.  Finally, Tooty and Sunday who have been watching
               the entire sceptical in awe, clear their throats.

                                   TOOTY
                         Perhaps we should return to the
                         business at hand.

                                   SUNDAY
                         That business being the killing
                         spree going on in the city.

                                   PIGGY
                         That's right!  Thad Coffey, there
                         have been twelve murders during the
                         last twelve days.

                                   TOOTY
                         That's one a day if you're keeping
                         score.

                                   SUNDAY
                         Nasty business.

                                   PIGGY
                         That's right and since we've
                         reached a dead end, we're just
                         going to assume it's you.

                                   THAD
                         Well, that's just great there,
                         Chief Piggy, but I have an alibi. 
                         I was with Liam and Bippo last
                         night watching Kari Wuhrer's movie,
                         Splatter-Man.

                                   PIGGY
                         Oh yeah?  Well, what's it about,
                         smart guy?

                                   THAD
                         It's about this guy who get's
                         bitten by a radioactive crab that
                         gives him super-powers.  You know,
                         the ability to stop criminals with
                         his super-powered sp--.

                                   TOOTY
                         We GET the idea!

                                   SUNDAY
                         Can your friends vouch for you
                         whereabouts during that time?

                                   THAD
                         No, but they could probably tell
                         you that I was there with them when
                         these murders were taking place.

                                   PIGGY
                             (mad)
                         Oh, you're good, Coffey, but sooner
                         or later you're going to slip up
                         and I'll be there to bring you
                         down!

               Piggy stomps out the door with Tooty and Sunday.  Liam enters
               with WENDY.

                                   LIAM
                         Accused of murder again, huh?

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, after three years it gets a
                         little old.  So, who's this tasty
                         little dish?

                                   LIAM
                         Oh, this is someone I met at the
                         Casino.  Her name is Wendy.

                                   THAD
                         Hello, Wendy.  I'm Thad.

                                   WENDY
                         A pleasure to meet you, Thad.

                                   LIAM
                         We're going on a date!

                                   THAD
                         Get out!

                                   LIAM
                         It's true!  And THIS one isn't
                         related to me!  I checked!

                                   THAD
                         Well, congratulations Liam and
                         Wendy, I have to ask... WHAT THE
                         HELL DO YOU HOT CHICKS SEE IN THIS
                         DORK!?

                                   WENDY
                         Liam is a sweet guy.  I mean, I
                         spilled a drink on my chest and he
                         spent an hour making sure it was
                         all cleaned off.

                                   LIAM
                             (whispers to Thad)
                         Hee Hee.  I touched her boob.

                                   WENDY
                         Isn't he funny?  Well, come on
                         Liam... let's go to the movie.

                                   LIAM
                         Isn't it great, Thad?  I've finally
                         found a woman who appreciates the
                         subtle complexity of Kari Wuhrer's
                         body of work.  We're going to go
                         see that new one, "Clit-eral
                         Damage".

                                   WENDY
                         Heh... fun.

                                   LIAM
                         Bye, Thad.

               Liam and Wendy leave.

                                   THAD
                         Something's not right about this,
                         but I can't put my finger on it.

               A beat.

                                   THAD
                         Oh yeah... Piggy was talking about
                         ME when he said "Coffey".  Duh!

               Thad plops back down on his couch and resumes belching and
               scratching.

                                                       FADE TO:

               EXT. A DARK ALLEYWAY

               Two men, VIC and TIM walk side by side down the deserted
               alley.

                                   VIC
                         Hey Tim, did you hear what happened
                         to Dee and Ed?

                                   TIM
                         Yeah, Vic, they were found behind
                         the MGM Grand... they look like
                         they had been torn apart and their
                         insides had been devoured!

                                   VIC
                         Yeah... it's a good thing that the
                         two of us chose to walk down this
                         abandoned alley where any kind of
                         psycho killer or murderous beast
                         can't find us.

               There is a noise behind them and they both turn around.

                                   TIM
                         OH MY GOD, IT'S... IT'S...

               They look closer at the approaching figure.

                                   TIM
                         Oh, it's just you!

                                   VIC
                         Yeah, you had us worried there for
                         a--

               The dark figure leaps on them.  There is the sound of
               ripping, screaming, and splattering then a giant belch.

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT - HOURS LATER

               Liam and Wendy enter arm in arm.

                                   LIAM
                         Oh, Wendy... meeting you was like a
                         wet dream come true!

                                   WENDY
                         Oh, it's just getting better my
                         little man-toy.  Why don't you get
                         naked and meet me in the bedroom?

               Liam stands there for a minute, nods slowly, and then quickly
               exits to the bedroom.  Wendy drops the seductress routine and
               stands there with her hands on her hips.  She takes out the
               mini-disk recorder and starts talking.

                                   WENDY
                         Slayer's log, date is... oh, who
                         gives a damn?  I've made friends
                         with Liam Smith...
                         a man (and I use that term loosely)
                         who is known to have ties with the
                         werewolf sighted in this area. 
                         I've met many of his friends and
                         the top suspect so far is this
                         Professor Arturo who came at me
                         with a totally unbelievable story
                         about coming from an alternate
                         universe.  What kind of hooey does
                         he think I'll swallow?  Speaking of
                         which, it's time for me to make
                         love to the man I'm using.  Expect
                         snide comments and belittling
                         remarks during next entry.

               Wendy starts towards the bedroom when DONNER and TEMPUS
               enters arguing.

                                   DONNER
                         Look, Tempus, I don't give a damn
                         WHAT year you're from, you will
                         NEVER convince me that there will
                         EVER be Pink M&M's!  I...
                             (sees Wendy)
                         Oh, hello Donna!  What are you
                         doing in Liam's apartment?

                                   WENDY
                         I... er... I had no idea you knew
                         Liam, Donner!

                                   DONNER
                         Oh yeah!  So, what have you been up
                         to?  It's been, what?  Three years
                         since I last saw you and you were
                         asking all those questions about if
                         I knew anyone who was never around
                         during the full moon or if I knew
                         of anyone whose breath smelled of
                         blood and ass.

                                   WENDY
                         I... er... I...

                                   LIAM
                             (from bedroom)
                         Wennnnnnndy!  I'm in bed and I'm
                         BUTT NAKED!

                                   TEMPUS
                         Wendy?

                                   DONNER
                         What Wendy?  There's no Wendy here! 
                         Just you!  Donna!
                             (opens door, yells into
                              bedroom)
                         Hey, Liam!  There's no Wendy in
                         here!  Whoa!  Put that away, tiger!

               Liam storms out of the bedroom covered in "Monsters, Inc."
               bedsheets.

                                   LIAM
                         What do you mean there's no Wendy
                         in here!  That's Wendy right there!

                                   DONNER
                         No, no, no little one.  That is
                         Donna.  We shared a romantic week
                         together about a month before you
                         moved to Las Vegas.

                                   TEMPUS
                         I'm confused.

               Liam, Donner, and Tempus look at Wendy.

                                   LIAM
                         Wendy?

                                   DONNER
                         Donna?

                                   WENDY
                         Y-Yes?

                                   TEMPUS
                         I think you'd better explain,
                         toots.

                                   DONNER
                         There's no need to explain.  She's
                         obviously an evil twin.

                                   LIAM
                         Or a clone.

                                   DONNER
                         Or a secret agent.

                                   LIAM
                         Or a counterpart from another
                         dimension.

                                   DONNER
                         Or the same person from a different
                         time.

                                   LIAM
                         She could be a doppelganger.

                                   DONNER
                         Or a shape-shifter.

                                   LIAM
                         Or a...

                                   WENDY
                         DAMMIT!  WILL THE TWO OF YOU SHUT
                         THE HELL UP!!!???

               A beat.

                                   WENDY
                         All right, you caught me.  My name
                         isn't Donna, Donner.  It really is
                         Wendy and I've been sworn to hunt
                         the scourge of the supernatural
                         world for years and years.

                                   LIAM
                         Well, glad that's all cleared up. 
                         Come on, Wendy, let's get down to
                         it.

               Liam takes her hand and starts leading her to the bedroom. 
               Wendy pulls away and walks back into the room.

                                   WENDY
                         No, Liam, I can't continue to
                         deceive you.

                                   LIAM
                         Of course you can!  You can deceive
                         me for just fifteen more minutes.

                                   WENDY
                         No, Liam... I've grown to care
                         about you too much to do that.

                                   LIAM
                         Ten minutes!   Just give me ten
                         minutes!

                                   WENDY
                         Liam, Donner... I am a slayer.

                                   LIAM
                         Five minutes!

                                   WENDY
                         Ever since my family was killed by
                         one of those murderous beasts, I
                         have been on a holy journey to wipe
                         out all of their ilk.

                                   DONNER
                         Bummer.

                                   LIAM
                         Just one minute! I swear!  Just
                         one!

                                   TEMPUS
                         Ah, a slayer.  Great, wonderful.
                             (to himself)
                         God, this is a f*cked up time
                         period.
                             (to others)
                         I suppose you'll want to kill Drew
                         then?

                                   WENDY
                         Drew?  You mean... there IS one of
                         those supernatural abominations in
                         this city?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Yeah, for starters.

                                   WENDY
                         I suppose you'll fight me so I
                         can't kill your friend?

                                   DONNER
                         Hell no.  Come on, I'll show you
                         where he hangs out!

                                   WENDY
                         Oh, Donner!  You're the greatest!

               Donner and Wendy leave arm in arm.  Liam stares blankly on.

                                   LIAM
                         But... But...

               Thad enters.

                                   THAD
                         Hey guys.  What was all that about?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Liam just got dumped.  It turns out
                         that Wendy was a vampire slayer and
                         was just using him to get to Drew
                         so she could slay him.

                                   THAD
                         Slay Drew, huh?  Well, more power
                         to her.  You GO girl.  Who's
                         hungry?

                                   TEMPUS
                         As long as it's not Thai again, I'm
                         game.

               EXT. A DARK ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

               A bag lady pushes a shopping cart full of her belongings down
               the alley.  A dark figure appears behind her.  She sighs.

                                   BAG LADY
                         You again?  Look, didn't I tell you
                         not to call on me at work?  I...
                         Oh, it's YOU!  I... What the!? 
                         ARGH!

               The dark figure pounces on her and she screams.  The camera
               pans up to the full moon and we hear a loud belch.

               EXT. LAS VEGAS CEMETERY

               Donner and Wendy are walking hand in hand through the
               tombstones.

                                   DONNER
                         ...and then I saved the Cosmic Butt
                         head from the giant dog and we were
                         all returned to normal size.

                                   WENDY
                         Yeah, uh-huh.  Are we there yet?

                                   DONNER
                         Actually, yes.  Drew hangs out in
                         that tomb over there.

               Wendy marches over to Drew's tomb and knocks.

                                   WENDY
                         All right, you Satanic monstrosity! 
                         I know you're in there so come out
                         and there won't be any trouble...
                             (silently)
                         ...after I kill you.

               Drew sticks his head out of the door.

                                   DREW
                         Who the bloody hell are y--

               Wendy grabs Drew and throws him to the ground and starts
               stabbing him with a silver knife.

                                   WENDY
                         DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

                                   DREW
                         OW!  What the...?  OW!  I... OW! 
                         STOP THAT YOU DENSE PSYCHO TART!

               Wendy stops stabbing Drew.

                                   WENDY
                         You're not dead?  Why aren't you
                         dead?

                                   DREW
                         Probably because silver doesn't
                         work on vampires.

                                   DONNER
                         What?  I thought that silver DID
                         work on vampires!

                                   DREW
                         Oh, come on!  What, do you believe
                         everything you see in the movies? 
                         Now, what is this all about and
                         tell me before I get pissed and
                         start tearing you both apart!

                                   DONNER
                             (points at Wendy)
                         She tricked me into leading her to
                         you.

                                   WENDY
                         You're not a werewolf?

                                   DREW
                         God, no!  I'm a vampire and we're
                         MUCH better.

                                   WENDY
                         I see... Well, I apologize.  I
                         thought you were a werewolf.

                                   DREW
                         No, Thad's the werewolf!

                                   WENDY
                         Thad?

                                   DONNER
                         Uh-oh.

                                   WENDY
                         THAD IS A WEREWOLF AND HE WILL
                         DIE!!!

               Wendy runs off camera.

                                   DONNER
                         Well, it looks like Thad is in
                         mortal danger.

                                   DREW
                         Yeah, and what do you care?

                                   DONNER
                         I care because he's my friend and
                         neighbor and, if he dies, I won't
                         be able to collect the fifty bucks
                         he owes me from last nights poker
                         game.

               Donner takes out a cell phone and dials.

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               Tempus, Liam, and Thad are all watching TV.  The phone rings. 
               Liam answers.

                                   LIAM
                         WSUX is my favorite radio station
                         with continuous country favorites
                         and fun.
                             (a beat)
                         Really?  I'm a winner!?

               INT. LAS VEGAS CEMETERY

                                   DONNER
                         No, you stupid twit.  I was just
                         f*cking with you.

                                   LIAM
                             (on phone)
                         Oh.

                                   DONNER
                         Liam, listen.  A funny thing just
                         happened.  As it turns out, Wendy
                         isn't a vampire slayer, she's a
                         Werewolf Slayer.

                                   LIAM
                             (on phone)
                         Oh dear.

                                   DONNER
                         Yeah, better give Thaddy-boy the
                         heads up 'cause she's heading your
                         way.

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               Liam hangs up the phone and looks at Thad.

                                   LIAM
                         Thad, there's something I need to
                         tell y--

                                   THAD
                         HOLY CRAP!  LOOK AT THE BOOBS ON
                         THAT BABE!

               Liam's attention is transfixed on the television.  They all
               watch the screen for a minute.

                                   LIAM
                         I say real.

                                   THAD
                         Fake.

                                   TEMPUS
                         I gotta say fake.

                                   THAD
                         Right, so what were you saying,
                         Liam?

                                   LIAM
                         I... uh... Something about Wendy
                         and Drew... uh... Oh yeah, Wendy is
                         really a Werewolf Slayer.

                                   THAD
                         That's nice.

                                   TEMPUS
                             (points at TV)
                         Titty!

               They look.

                                   LIAM
                         Fake.

                                   THAD
                         Fake.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Fake.

                                   THAD
                         Wait a minute... Wendy is a WHAT
                         slayer?

               Wendy breaks down the door.

                                   WENDY
                         DIE! DIE! DIE!

               Thad leaps out of the window as Wendy fires several silver
               bullets into the room.

                                   WENDY
                         DAMN!  Got away!

                                   TEMPUS
                         What in the WORLD are you doing!?

                                   WENDY
                         I'm going to destroy that horrible
                         hellish man-beast!  It was nice
                         seeing you again.

               Wendy goes for the window.  Liam stops her.

                                   LIAM
                         Wait, you've got the wrong idea! 
                         Thad's not evil!  He's a GOOD
                         werewolf!

                                   WENDY
                         Tuh!  A good werewolf?  What a load
                         of garbage!  Werewolves are all
                         evil and it's up to me to kill them
                         all!

                                   LIAM
                         You don't have any proof that Thad
                         is evil.

                                   WENDY
                         Oh no?  Well, what about all the
                         murders during the last few weeks? 
                         Body after body is piling up and
                         being ripped apart.  Who else COULD
                         it be!

                                   TEMPUS
                         Honey, we could go on for hours.

                                   WENDY
                         Enough!  If you're not with me,
                         you're against me!  Come with me
                         and help me kill this werewolf!

                                   LIAM
                         And what if we don't?

               Wendy takes out a crossbow and fires it at Tempus.  It flies
               between his legs and embeds itself into the wall behind him.

                                   TEMPUS
                             (a beat)
                         I'll get a taxi.

               EXT. A DARK ALLEYWAY

               A goth kid is walking down the alley when suddenly, a dark
               figure appears behind him.  He sighs and turns around.

                                   GOTH KID
                         All right, lets get this over with.

               The shadow pounces on him and starts tearing him apart. 
               There is a giant belch as the camera pans away and TOOTY and
               SUNDAY appear in frame.

                                   SUNDAY
                         There it is!

                                   TOOTY
                         Stop or we'll shoot!

               The shadow runs away.

                                   SUNDAY
                         We forgot to shoot.

                                   TOOTY
                         Again.

               EXT. LAS VEGAS CEMETERY

               Donner walks up to Liam, Tempus, and Wendy.

                                   DONNER
                         Hey guys, 'sup?

                                   WENDY
                         We tracked the werewolf to this
                         location.  No doubt he thought he
                         could petition the vampire for
                         help.

                                   DREW (O.C.)
                         Fat bloody chance!  Kill the
                         fleabag!

                                   WENDY
                         Right, it's only a matter of time
                         before we find him.

                                   LIAM
                         I'm telling you, you're making a
                         big mistake!  Thad isn't evil,
                         he's...

               Chief Piggy suddenly jumps out from behind a tombstone.

                                   PIGGY
                         A KILLER!!!

               Music sting, lighting crash.  Everyone jumps in fright.

                                   EVERYONE
                         SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

                                   PIGGY
                         Sorry.

                                   DONNER
                         What the HELL are YOU doing here!

                                   PIGGY
                         We're tracking a killer.  Tooty and
                         Sunday were chasing it down the
                         alley and I came here to head it
                         off.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Hey, isn't that alley the same
                         alley that Thad takes to get from
                         the apartments to here?

                                   LIAM
                         No, it's impossible!  Thad would
                         never do anything like...

               A dark figure appears from behind Piggy.  Liam, Donner,
               Tempus, and Wendy are stopped dead in their tracks.  Piggy
               can't see it.

                                   PIGGY
                         What?  What are you all looking at?

               WHAM!  The figure pounces on Piggy.  There is a lot of
               screaming and ripping and finally the camera moves back to
               reveal WEREWOLF THAD sitting on top of Chief Piggy.

                                   DONNER
                         Hey, it's true!  Thad really IS a
                         cold blooded killer!

                                   THAD
                         Well, I...

               POW!  Wendy kicks Thad in the face causing him to launch
               backwards a few dozen feet.  Wendy and Liam goes after him,
               while Tempus and Donner stay behind to help Piggy up.

               Wendy is about to tackle Werewolf Thad when Liam suddenly
               tackles her.  They tumble on the ground as Werewolf Thad
               leaps over a stone wall and disappears.

                                   WENDY
                         You LET him get away!

                                   LIAM
                         I couldn't let you kill him!  I
                         mean, yeah... there is a murdering
                         beast out there ripping it's
                         victims to shreds, but you can't
                         prove it's Thad.

                                   WENDY
                         He just tried to KILL the chief of
                         police!

                                   LIAM
                         Well, yeah...

                                   WENDY
                         The swath of victims lead from here
                         to the apartments.

                                   LIAM
                         But I...

                                   WENDY
                         Enough!  Stay out of my way or I
                         will kill you as I will kill him.

               Wendy stomps away.

                                   LIAM
                             (mocking)
                         Nee-nuff!  Nay nout nuv nye nay nor
                         nie nill nill nyah nyah nyah!

                                   WENDY (O.C.)
                         WHAT!?

                                   LIAM
                         Nothing!

               Donner and Tempus has helped Piggy to his feet as Liam and
               Wendy enter frame.

                                   LIAM
                         Are you all right, Chief?

                                   PIGGY
                         Perfectly fine.  A good thing you
                         were here, young lady.

                                   WENDY
                         It's all part of my job to save the
                         innocent from those monsters.  It's
                         a hunger, if you will.

                                   PIGGY
                         A hunger?  I can relate.

               Tempus looks at Piggy's corpulent form.

                                   TEMPUS
                         That doesn't surprise me.

                                   PIGGY
                         Yes, a hunger... I can understand. 
                         A hunger.

                                   DONNER
                         So, you want to go get a burger?

                                   PIGGY
                         Why bother when there is plenty to
                         eat here?

                                   DONNER
                         Huh?

               Piggy's eyes turn yellow and he turns into a dark form that
               grows to ten feet tall.

                                   LIAM
                         What the poo-poo diddledy!?

               The beastly Piggy leaps into the air and bears down on Liam
               when, all of the sudden, WEREWOLF THAD tackles him and holds
               him down on the ground like a wrestler.  Piggy seems to loose
               strength and finally returns to normal.

                                   WENDY
                         DIE, WEREWOLF! DIE!

               She goes for her silver knife, but Liam stops her.

                                   LIAM
                         NO!  Can't you see that we've been
                         telling you the truth the whole
                         time!  Thad just saved us from
                         this... this....
                             (a beat, to Piggy)
                         What the hell are you, anyway?

                                   PIGGY
                         I'm a Siren.

                                   LIAM
                         Siren!
                             (a beat)
                         What's a siren?

               Tooty and Sunday appear.

                                   TOOTY
                         A Siren is a mythical beast that
                         lures sailors to their doom by
                         enchanting them and then ripping
                         their souls from their bodies. 
                         Usually they're female, but in this
                         case...

                                   SUNDAY
                         Police Chief Piggy was cursed by a
                         gypsy last week and will not return
                         to normal until he has supped of
                         twenty souls.

                                   TOOTY
                         So far, he's taken nineteen.

                                   SUNDAY
                         We only found out about this poor
                         man moments ago.

                                   LIAM
                             (to Thad)
                         And how long have YOU known about
                         this?

                                   THAD
                         Since yesterday.  I couldn't tell
                         you guys because then, HE would
                         know.

                                   DONNER
                         You mean Piggy can read minds!?

                                   THAD
                         No.  You guys just can't keep your
                         traps shut.  I found out from this
                         old guy who hangs out in the
                         library that Sirens can't exist on
                         sacred ground and if I held him
                         down, he would loose his powers and
                         we could stop him.  Problem is, he
                         was wearing shoes and no part of
                         his skin was touching the ground so
                         I had to--

                                   WENDY
                         DIE, WEREWOLF!

               She goes for Thad again.  Tempus holds her back.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Stop that!  It's getting annoying!

                                   LIAM
                             (to Sunday and Tooty)
                         So, what are you guys going to do
                         with him?

                                   SUNDAY
                         We'll probably have to send him to
                         prison where he can't hurt anyone
                         again.

                                   TOOTY
                         A shame, Chief Piggy is a decent
                         man.

                                   WENDY
                         DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

               Tempus and Donner holds her back.

                                   LIAM
                         If only there was a way we could
                         save Chief Piggy.

                                   WENDY
                         DIE, WEREWOLF!  DIE! DIE! DIE!

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         If only there was a way we could
                         get this psycho slayer chick off my
                         back.

                                   SUNDAY
                         A way to allow Piggy to snare one
                         more victim...

                                   TOOTY
                         ...AND get this werewolf slayer out
                         of the way.

                                   EVERYONE
                         Hmmmmmm....

                                                       FADE TO:

               INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT

               Liam, Thad, Tempus, Donner, Tooty, and Sunday are standing
               there.

                                   SUNDAY
                         I'm really going to miss Chief
                         Piggy.  A shame we couldn't figure
                         out a way to get him one more
                         victim.

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, and it's too bad that we
                         couldn't figure out a way to get
                         rid of Wendy the Werewolf Killer...
                         but I'm hoping that restraining
                         order will do the job.

                                   LIAM
                         We can hope although, they never
                         seem to work.  Just ask Kari
                         Wuhrer.

               Wendy busts through a window with a bomb strapped to herself.

                                   WENDY
                         DIE, WEREWOLF!  DIE!

                                   THAD
                             (rolls eyes)
                         Dammit.

                                   LIAM
                         See?

               Arturo bursts through the door holding a timer.

                                   ARTURO
                         Chaps, you remember that little
                         problem we had with the timer last
                         time?  Well, I finally managed to
                         fix--

                                   WENDY
                         Hi-YAH!

               Wendy kicks Arturo in the face.  The timer flies up into the
               air, lands on the ground and activates creating a wormhole
               that sucks Wendy inside.  The wormhole snaps shut and
               everyone looks on in awe.

                                   ARTURO
                             (holding nose)
                         Who WAS that violent psycho hose
                         beast?

                                   LIAM
                         That was Wendy.

                                   THAD
                         She was trying to kill me.

                                   DONNER
                         Yeah, good riddance to her.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Where exactly did she go?

                                   ARTURO
                         Another dimension, probably... but
                         without a timer, she has no hope of
                         ever returning here.

                                   THAD
                         Thank God!  I'm finally free of
                         that stalking weapon-happy harpy!

                                   LIAM
                         Yeah, but it's a little sad, isn't
                         it?

                                   DONNER
                         You mean you WANTED her to kill
                         Thad?

                                   LIAM
                         No, dipstick.  I mean, it's sad
                         that her mind was so clouded with
                         years of hate and prejudice that
                         she couldn't even spare the one
                         werewolf in the world that cared
                         enough to save her life.

                                   THAD
                         Hey, that is sad!  Thanks, Liam...
                         now I feel guilty.

                                   LIAM
                         And what's worse?  I STILL didn't
                         get none!

                                                       FADE TO:

               EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP

               WENDY THE WEREWOLF KILLER appears in a wormhole and flops to
               the ground.  She looks up in confusion.

                                   WENDY
                         What the...?  Where AM I?

               Two figures approach her.  It is a male and female WEREWOLF.

                                   FEMALE WEREWOLF
                         Oh my STARS!  It's a HUMAN!

                                   MALE WEREWOLF
                         RUN FOR IT DEAR!

               Wendy looks around and, all around her, there are werewolves
               running away from her in fear.

                                   WENDY
                         What the... They're... They're
                         EVERYWHERE!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

               A black van pulls up and a female werewolf gets out in a skin
               tight leather suit and weilds a crossbow.

                                   WENDY
                         Who... Who are you?

                                   HANNA
                         I'm Hanna... THE HUMAN HUNTER!

                                   WENDY
                         Aw, crap.

               Wendy runs as Hanna chases her into the sunset.  The word
               "IRONY" begins to flash at the bottom of the screen.

                                                       FADE OUT:

               THE END

               Roll credits.