Flashpoint
THE LIAM SMITH SHOW
Episode 3:36 - "Flashpoint"
Written by Jason Donner
                                   JUDGE JUDY
                         Hi, I'm Judge Judy and here's
                         what's already happened on "The
                         Liam Smith Show".

               --------------------------------------------------------------

         1     INT. THE JUSTICE SQUAD MOON WATCHTOWER                   1

               Ultrawoman walks up to Capeman who is brooding in the monitor
               womb.

                                   ULTRAWOMAN
                         Oh God...  It's time, isn't it?

               Capeman nods.

                                   CAPEMAN
                         Yes... It's all about to come
                         together... Or fall apart, whatever
                         you want to call it.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

         2     INT. GARY THE FANBOY'S APARTMENT                         2

               Liam, Thad, Stacy, Arturo, and Bippo follow Gary inside.

                                   BIPPO
                             (to Gary)
                         C'mon, little bitch!  Where's this
                         thing you wanted to show us at!?

               Gary points

                                   GARY
                         THAT!  And stop calling me little
                         bitch.

               Everyone looks.  There is a glowing orb of light in the
               middle of the room.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               HARRY THE HANDYMAN APPEARS

                                   LIAM
                         HARRY THE HANDYMAN!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

                                   HARRY
                         The Worldkiller's destruction will
                         come down to the combined efforts
                         of five.  The child of destiny, the
                         beast by night, the harlequin of
                         madness, the dethroned
                         entrepreneur, and the superhero.

                                   BIPPO
                         But that could be anyone!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

         3     INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT                                    3

               Liam has just gotten a letter from a delivery man.

                                   LIAM
                         Can I ask you something?  What
                         makes this delivery so special
                         anyway?

                                   DELIVERY MAN
                         It's a plane ticket to Hollywood
                         and a personal invitation to Kari
                         Wuhrer's estate, Hooter Downs.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

         4     INT. KARI WUHRER'S ESTATE                                4

               Liam and Kari Wuhrer are talking.

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         All the men I've ever met... And
                         some of the women, even, have only
                         been interested in one thing. 
                         You're the only one who's ever been
                         different.

                                   LIAM
                         Yeah, I've been interested in TWO
                         things.

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         My heart and my soul?

                                   LIAM
                             (a beat)
                         Okay.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

         5     EXT. KARI WUHRER'S ESTATE                                5

               The sun is going down.

                                   LIAM (O.C.)
                             (falsetto)
                         OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH,
                         SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE AT LAST I'VE
                         FOUND YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
                         AT LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST I
                         KNOW THE SECRET OF IT AAAAAAAAAALL!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

         6     INT. HELL                                                6

               In the giant fiery catacombs of hell, we see demons sledding
               down snowy hills, having snowball fights, and making snowmen
               as "Winter Wonderland" blares.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

                                   MAJEL BARRETT
                         And now, the continuation...

                                                       FADE IN:

         7     INT. THAD'S APARTMENT                                    7

               The floor is littered with chew toys and giant rawhide bones. 
               Bippo and Thad are watching television.

                                   BIPPO
                         I'm bored.

                                   THAD
                         Me too.

                                   BIPPO
                         I want to do something.

                                   THAD
                         Wanna go see a movie?

                                   BIPPO
                         Sure, but how do we know we're not
                         going to walk into some lame PG
                         rated family goody-goody crap fest?

                                   THAD
                         Well, we could always check out
                         Capalert.

               Thad and Bippo walk over to a computer.  Thad types in the
               internet address and the website pops up.

                                   THAD
                         Ah, here we go... Capalert gave
                         this movie a score of 21 due to
                         excessive nudity, wanton violence,
                         disrespect, and the use of the
                         foulest of the foul words.

                                   BIPPO
                         Synergy?

                                   THAD
                         No, I think they mean the word that
                         starts with "F", ends with "uck"
                         and isn't "Firetruck".

                                   BIPPO
                         But I really hate "synergy".

                                   THAD
                         Thank you, Capalert!  Without you
                         guys, we would have never went to
                         this obviously gloriously smut
                         filled movie.  You are the savior
                         of perverts and horny teenagers all
                         over the world!

                                   BIPPO
                         Come on!  It starts in ten minutes!

               They run out the door.

                                                       FLIP TO:

         8     INT. THAD'S APARTMENT - THREE HOURS LATER                8

               Bippo and Thad enter looking pissed.

                                   BIPPO
                         Capalert SUCKS!

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, the nudity was an exposed
                         ankle, the disrespect was a woman
                         going out in public, and don't even
                         get me started on the wanton
                         violence!

                                   BIPPO
                         Well, I'm still wanton violence! 
                         Crapalert screwed us man!  Still, I
                         feel a little guilty that Liam
                         didn't come with us.

                                   THAD
                         Yeah, we really should have called
                         and asked.  I mean, it's not like
                         he's doing anything important right
                         now.

                                                       CUT TO:

         9     INT. KARI WUHRER'S BEDROOM                               9

               Liam and Kari are lying in bed with each other sleeping.

                                                       FADE OUT:

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               THEME SONG
               (Sung to the theme of "Three's Company")

               Welcome to the last part.
               Messing with status quo.
               Time wrap up all the dumb plotlines,
               of The Liam Smith Show.

               Time to say our good-byes,
               and start blasting away.
               Now comes that tired old part 
               of the theme where we say Olé!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

THE LIAM SMITH SHOW

Starring

Dian Bachar
as
"Liam Smith"

John Rhys-Davies
as
"Professor Arturo"

Seann William Scott
as
"Thad Coffey"

and
Robert Floyd
as
"Bippo the Clown"

Also Starring

Neil Patrick Harris
as
"Gary the Fanboy"

Cameron Diaz
as
"Stacy VaVoom"

Gary Dordan
as
"Tempus"

RuPaul
as
"Chocolate Treat"

Betty White
as
"Doris Winchester"

Reese Whitherspoon
as
"Kathy Hilter"

David Peckinpah
as
"Satan"

Marina Sirtis
as
"Senestra Malevolous"

Billy Blanks
as
"Rock"

Dolph Lungren
as
"Tank"

Scrappy Doo

and
MVP Jason Donner
as
"Donner"

Special Guest Stars

Vern Troyer
as
"Phil"

Joan Rivers
as
the voice of
"S.U.I.T."

Michael Dorn
as
the voice of
"Worldkiller"

and
Kari Wuhrer

Guests of The Liam Smith Show stay at the fabulous Motel 6 on the corner of Crip and Blood.


                                                       FADE IN:

        10     INT. HELL                                               10

               SENESTRA is pacing back and forth.  SCRAPPY is leaning back
               in a chair asleep.  KATHY HILTER is twirling her hair around
               her finger and chewing on a fingernail.  In the middle of the
               room, the dark figure known as WORLDKILLER stands silently. 
               There is the sound of a ticking clock and it's obvious that
               everyone is bored.  Well, everyone but Worldkiller who just
               stands there with his eyes closed waiting... waiting...
               waiting...  Finally, his eyes SNAP OPEN with the sound of a
               thunderclap.  Everyone's attention turns to him and Scrappy
               falls backwards in his chair.

                                   WORLDKILLER
                         It begins now.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Well, it's about damn time.  Folks,
                         you know your targets... get
                         cracking.

        11     INT. SATAN'S CHAMBER                                    11

               Satan is sitting on his throne watching Senestra,
               Worldkiller, Kathy, and Scrappy.  He leans back and a giant
               smile appears on his lips.

                                   SATAN
                         At last...

               MUSIC STING

        12     INT. DREW'S PLACE                                       12

               Drew is ironing his underwear listening to the radio in his 
	       new place, a tomb located somewhere in London.   

                                   RADIO
                         ...astronomers have been unable to
                         explain the sudden solar eclipse
                         that has sent most of the world
                         into darkness today.  While the
                         Justice Squad is in space at this
                         moment investigating, Doctor
                         Frederick Von Whoop-Whoop
                         speculated that it could be a large
                         asteroid or a...

                                   DREW
                         That's bloody enough of that.

               Drew switches the station until he hears Frank Sinatra and
               the Rat Pack crooning an old tune.

                                   DREW
                         That's better... Oh, the times I
                         used to have with those boys.
                             (sniff)
                         I miss you, Dean.  Sammy.
                             (normal)
                         Frank was an ass, though, but a
                         hell of a tipper.

               There is a knocking at the door.  He folds his unmentionables 
               and puts them in a basket before going to the door and
               peeking through the peep-hole.

                                   DREW
                         Hello?  Who is it?

                                   SATAN (O.C.)
                         It's Satan.

                                   DREW
                         Oh, very funny.  Who do you think
                         you're trying to...

               Drew opens the door revealing Satan and a midget.

                                   DREW
                         Oh, fiddle.

                                   SATAN
                         Oh, relax... I'm not here to kill
                         you, Drew my boy!

               Satan and the midget enters the tomb.

                                   DREW
                         Of course you're not.  Aren't you
                         forbidden to enter here?  This
                         being a sacred place and all?

                                   SATAN
                         Check the expiration date.

               Drew looks at an engraving on the wall that says "BLESSING
               EXPIRES 3/31/89"

                                   DREW
                         Dammit.  All right, Lucy-fur.  What
                         do you want?  You want to make fun
                         of me because my coup of hell
                         crapped out before it even started
                         or are you here to finally drag me
                         back there?

                                   SATAN
                         Well, a little of both actually. 
                         First, comes the making fun of
                         part:  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA!!!
                         NANNY-NANNY BOO-BOO YOU SMELL LIKE
                         DOO-DOO!

                                   DREW
                         Your wit slays me.

                                   SATAN
                         Now comes the punishment part which
                         I have been saving for this very
                         special occasion.  Drew, you bad
                         little bloodsucker you, I'm
                         drafting you into my army of
                         darkness.

                                   DREW
                         Join your army, huh?  What if I say
                         no?

                                   SATAN
                         Oh, I don't think you will.

                                   DREW
                         And what makes you think that?

                                   SATAN
                         Because of my little buddy here.

               Satan indicates the midget.

                                   DREW
                         What's HE going to do to me if I
                         say no?  Kick me in the shins or
                         wait until I'm using a urinal, hop
                         up, grab on, and threaten to jump?

                                   SATAN
                         Nothing so pedestrian, but I must
                         admit that last one was very
                         creative.  My little friend here
                         has quite a history.  He's known as
                         the soul-stealer, the possessor,
                         the tormentor of thought.

                                   MIDGET
                         Call me Phil.

                                   DREW
                         Uh-huh, and how does that pertain
                         to me?

               Satan grins.  Phil leaps into the air and turns into a black
               smoke which coalesces around Drew.  Drew tries to fight it
               off, but the smoke enters his mouth, ears, nose, and other
               unmentionable orifices.  The smoke completely absorbed, Drew
               stops struggling and takes a breath.

                                   DREW
                         What was THAT!?

                                   SATAN
                         Phil is simply making sure you go
                         along with my plans.  Now, tell me
                         about that bothersome werewolf
                         friend of yours?  Feel like
                         smacking him around a couple of
                         times for the heck of it?

                                   DREW
                         Smack nothing!  I want to gut him
                         and leave his stinking carcass on a
                         pike to rot while hanging his pelt
                         in the bathroom to wipe with.
                             (a beat)
                         That's funny.  I never wanted to do
                         that before.  Come to think of it,
                         I want to do a lot of nasty and
                         evil stuff and it makes me feel
                         good!

                                   SATAN
                         Phil's done a good job, then.  Come
                         with me, Fangtastic, we have lot's
                         of things to discuss.

               Satan waves his hand to command a wave of hellfire.  Drew
               stops him.

                                   DREW
                         No, please... allow me.

               Drew takes out his Hell Timer and creates a vortex.  Satan
               looks at him.

                                   SATAN
                         I am impressed.

                                   DREW
                         Please, after you...
                             (a beat)
                         ...master.

               Satan begins to bellow an evil laugh.  Drew begins laughing
               with him as the two enter the vortex and flash out of sight.

        13     INT. DONNER'S APARTMENT                                 13

               DONNER is on the phone.

                                   DONNER
                         No, I don't want to hear that!  I
                         want to know how you can help me
                         out of this miss I'm in business
                         wise!  All right, here's the
                         deal...

               Donner picks up a ladies hat.

                                   DONNER
                         I've just invented this thing for
                         women.  It's a hat that has a built
                         in warmer inside it to keep your
                         head nice and toasty in the winter
                         and I was wondering if it would
                         help my business get out of the
                         gutter.  
                             (a beat)
                         Well to HELL with you too, Miss
                         Cleo!

               Donner hangs up.

                                   DONNER
                         Bitch.

               There is a knock at the door.

                                   DONNER
                         Come in!

               KATHY HILTER enters.

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         Hello, Donner.

                                   DONNER
                             (surprised)
                         Kathy Hilter?  Well, come on in
                         girl it's been months!   How've you
                         been?  What have you been up to so
                         long that we haven't seen you?

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         Oh, you know... Business in Hell.

                                   DONNER
                         Excuse me.

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         Dah!  I mean, business IS Hell.

                                   DONNER
                         Tell me about it.  So, what brings
                         you to Las Vegas again?  Business
                         or pleasure?

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         A little of both actually.

                                   DONNER
                         Rea-heh-eaaaaaaaally?  A little of
                         the pleasurable business we engaged
                         in last time you were here?

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         Actually, no.

                                   DONNER
                         Oh.  Then what are you doing here!?

               Kathy holds her hand out and claws erupt from her fingertips.

                                   DONNER
                         AWESOME!

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         DIE!

                                   DONNER
                         COO... I mean, AW CRAP!

               Kathy slashes at Donner who falls backwards into a recliner
               popping the footrest up and hitting Kathy in the face and
               causing her to fall backwards.  Donner takes the opportunity
               to jump up and grab a fire axe.

                                   DONNER
                         WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!???

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         FOOL!  I am an agent of SATAN and I
                         am going to KILL YOU!

                                   DONNER
                         But WHY!?

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         Beats the crap out of me, stumpy.

                                   DONNER
                         Why did you call me stumpy?

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         You'll understand in five seconds.

               Kathy slices through the axe blade with her claws and splits
               it like paper.  Donner throws what's left of the axe at her
               and runs to the bedroom locking the door behind him.

        14     INT. DONNER'S BEDROOM                                   14

               Donner braces the door with a sofa chair.

                                   KATHY HILTER (O.C.)
                         FOOL!  YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME
                         FOREVER!

                                   DONNER
                         I like you better when we just had
                         sex!

               SMASH!  Kathy's claws bust through the door.

                                   DONNER
                         EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

        15     INT. THAD'S APARTMENT                                   15

               Bippo and Thad are sitting on the couch when the phone rings. 
               Thad answers it.

                                   THAD
                         KSUX is my favorite radio station
                         with continuous...

                                   DONNER (ON PHONE)
                         THAD, YOU IDIOT IT'S ME, DONNER!!!

                                   THAD
                         Oh hey, Donner what's up?

                                   DONNER (ON PHONE)
                         I'm in trouble!  Look, Kathy
                         Hilter's here and she's trying to
                         kill...

                                   PHONE
                         BEEP!  BEEP!

                                   THAD
                         Hold on, Donner, I have another
                         call.

                                   DONNER (ON PHONE)
                         NO, DAMMIT!  DON'T PUT ME ON HO-

               Thad hits the flash button and takes the other call.

                                   THAD
                         KSUX is my favorite radio station
                         with...
                             (a beat)
                         Who?
                             (a beat)
                         Yeah, he's here.

               Thad hands the phone to Bippo.

                                   THAD
                         It's for you.

                                   BIPPO
                         It's not a telephone salesman, is
                         it?

                                   THAD
                         No, but it is some guy with a deep
                         demonic voice that resonates with
                         the sound of billions of tortured
                         screams and unspeakable evil
                         throughout the ages.

                                   BIPPO
                         Whew, that's a relief.

               Bippo takes the phone.

                                   BIPPO
                         Hello?
                             (a beat)
                         Yes, this is him.
                             (a beat)
                         You don't say.
                             (a beat)
                         You don't SAY!
                             (a beat)
                         YOU DON'T SAY!

                                   THAD
                         Who is it?

                                   BIPPO
                         He didn't say.
                             (to phone)
                         So, you want me to come down now? 
                         Right this minute?
                             (a beat)
                         Sure, I'll be right there!  Bye
                         Bye!

               Bippo hangs up, jumps to his feet, and runs out the door.

                                   THAD
                         Bippo, where are you...?
                             (a beat)
                         How strange.

               Thad picks up the phone and looks at the caller ID.

               INSERT SHOT

               The caller ID reads "DARKNESS, PRINCE OF - (666) 666-6666"

               BACK ON THAD

               He looks back at the door and then back at the phone. 
               Finally, he jumps up and heads for the door.

                                   THAD
                         Bippo, wait a minute I think you
                         should...

               Thad opens the door and SENESTRA MALEVOLOUS is standing there
               with ROCK and TANK.

                                   THAD
                         Oh, hello.

                                   SENESTRA
                         I think you mean... GOODBYE!!!

               Senestra takes out a large knife.  Thad smirks.

                                   THAD
                         Miss Malevolous, I know you're
                         still cheesed about me quitting
                         Circus, Circus like I did, but
                         c'mon... what are you going to do
                         with that?  Hello?  I'm a werewolf
                         and, thus, invulnerable to most
                         conventional weapons.

               Senestra slashes Thad across the arm.  Thad begins to laugh.

                                   THAD
                             (laughing)
                         HA HA HA HA HAAAA Ha... uh... ha... 
                         ah...
                             (begins to cry)
                         ahh... ow... owie-e-e-e-eeeee!  W
                         Why did you go and do that for-or
                         or-or?  That stung, you dick!  Give
                         me that!

               Thad takes the knife from Senestra and looks at it.

               INSERT SHOT

               There is an engraving on the knife that says "PURE SILVER -
               MADE IN TAIWAN"

               BACK ON THAD

                                   THAD
                         Son... of... a BITCH!
                             (a beat)
                         Wait!  HA!  I have your knife and
                         now you're not going to get it
                         back, because...

               Thad looks up.  Rock, Tank, and Senestra are holding gigantic
               Conan swords made of silver.

                                   THAD
                         Because... Because...
                             (a beat, dances and sings)
                         Because of the wonderful things
                         I've done, dah deedly deedly doo!

               On the "doo", Thad chunks the knife at Senestra who has to
               duck out of the way.  Thad turns into his werewolf form and
               leaps for the window.  He hits the glass which doesn't
               shatter and he falls to the floor in a heap.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         OW!  What the hell?
                             (a beat)
                         Oh, yeah... I got tired of
                         replacing all the windows in this
                         joint what with all the people
                         crashing through them all the time
                         and put up shatterproof transparent
                         plastic.  DAMN ME AND MY
                         PROGRESSIVE THINKING!

               Werewolf Thad leaps to his feet and runs for the bedroom.  He
               shuts the door and locks it.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         You'll never get me in here!  HA!
                         HA!

               Rock and Tank's fists break through the door.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

        16     INT. KARI WUHRER'S BEDROOM                              16

               Kari is lying in bed in a white silk robe.

                                   LIAM (O.S.)
                         Are you sure this is all you have?

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         Oh, come on, Liam... you look fine.

               Liam enters wearing a pink lacy robe with two red hearts over
               his nipples.

                                   LIAM
                         I feel ridiculous.

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         You look ridiculous.  Fortunately,
                         I don't think you'll be wearing
                         that much longer.

                                   LIAM
                         AGAIN?  Kari, that's five times in
                         the last hour!  I am not a machine,
                         all right?  I need a little time to
                         regroup the boys and call in the
                         reserves!
                             (a beat)
                         All right, I'm ready.

               Liam runs to the bed and leaps but is suddenly KNOCKED
               BACKWARDS by a wall of hellfire.  He falls to the ground and
               looks up to see SATAN standing there.

                                   LIAM
                         SATAN!

                                   SATAN
                         Ah, Liam Smith... you remember when
                         I told you that your reckoning was
                         coming?  Well, guess what today is?

                                   LIAM
                         What do you want with me!?

               Satan chuckles.

                                   SATAN
                         My dear little boy, what makes you
                         think I'm here for you?

               Liam looks confused, but then turns his attention over to the
               bed where Kari Wuhrer sits afraid and huddled in a corner.

                                   LIAM
                         NO!

               Liam jumps up and runs at Satan who effortlessly picks him up
               by the throat and holds him in the air.

                                   SATAN
                         You bore me.

               Satan throws him down and grabs Kari Wuhrer by the arm.

                                   SATAN
                         I'll be seeing you real soon.

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         LIAM!!!

               Satan and Kari Wuhrer disappear in a wave of hellfire.

                                   LIAM
                         NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

               Liam slams his fists against the floor in anger, then runs
               out the door.

        17     EXT. KARI WUHRER'S ESTATE                               17

               Liam runs out the front door and looks around at the darkness
               engulfing Los Angeles from the unexplained total eclipse.  He
               runs to the street and flags down a Taxi.

                                   LIAM
                         TAXI!

               The Taxi screeches to a stop.  Liam gets in.

        18     INT. THE TAXI                                           18

                                   LIAM
                         It's an emergency, driver!  I need
                         to get to Upda Creek apartments in
                         Las Vegas STAT!

                                   DRIVER
                         That's a three hour drive, buddy! 
                         Five if you count traffic.

                                   LIAM
                         But I need to get there as quickly
                         as...

               Liam peers down at the Driver's ID.

                                   LIAM
                         Oh, hey!  You're Bronson Pinchot!

        19     EXT. THE STREET                                         19

               Liam is thrown out of the cab which zooms away.  Liam gets up
               and gives him the finger.

                                   LIAM
                         Oh yeah?  Well Perfect Strangers
                         SUCKED!!!
                             (a beat)
                         Oooooooh, how am I ever going to
                         get home now?  How will I ever
                         rescue Kari Wuhrer?

               A pair of headlights appear in the distance.  Liam jumps up
               and flags it down.  The van stops and Liam runs to the door
               and gets inside.

        20     INT. THE VAN                                            20

                                   LIAM
                         You've got to help me!  My new
                         girlfriend was just kidnapped by
                         Satan and I need to get to Las
                         Vegas as soon as possible.

               Liam finally looks at the driver and his eyes widen in shock
               as he sees MR. T in the driver's seat!  The theme from "The A
               Team" begins to play.

                                   MR. T
                         Ain't no problem, foo'!  My van is
                         fast!

                                   LIAM
                         Great!  But how fast?  I need to
                         get to Upda Creek apartments in
                         five minutes.

               Mr. T smiles.

                                   MR. T
                         Which floor?

        21     EXT. THE STREET                                         21

               Mr. T's Custom 1982 GMC Van takes off easily going 500 miles
               per hour.

                                   MR. T (V.O.)
                         I gotta ask...  What's with the
                         pink robe, sucka?

        22     INT. THAD'S APARTMENT                                   22

               Rock and Tank break through the door and come at Thad with
               their silver swords.  Werewolf Thad looks around, shrugs, and
               then runs for the wall.

        23     INT. GARY THE FANBOY'S BATHROOM                         23

               Gary is sitting on the toilet admiring a centerfold.  Camera
               pans back to reveal that he's looking at an issue of Starlog
               magazine.

                                   GARY
                         Ah, the Orion Slave Girls...

               BLAM!  Werewolf Thad crashes through the wall and falls on
               the floor.  Gary jumps up with his pants around his ankles
               and runs, taking little baby steps.

                                   GARY
                         SON OF A...!

               Werewolf Thad looks up as Gary runs out of the room with his
               pants down.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                             (shields eyes)
                         THAT'S an image I won't be
                         forgetting soon.

               Werewolf Thad picks himself off the ground and tries to run,
               but Rock and Tank grab him and hold him as Senestra walks
               through the hole in the wall holding a silver sword.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Quite the wily quandary, aren't
                         you?

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Since I have no idea what you just
                         said means, I'll agree.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Oh, Thaddeus... we could have been
                         so wonderful together.  You could
                         have worked for me and I wouldn't
                         be forced to kill you on Satan's
                         orders, now.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Why does Satan want me dead?

                                   SENESTRA
                         I guess you could say that
                         something about you pisses him off.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Isn't that how it always works?

               Suddenly, Gary appears in the doorway.

                                   GARY
                         I think it's time the three of you
                         left.

                                   ROCK
                         D'ah, or what you little geek?

                                   GARY
                         Or in thirty seconds, there will
                         only be two of us standing.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         I'm one of those two, right?

                                   SENESTRA
                         You amuse me, little dork,
                         therefore I will let you live, but
                         only with all four of your limbs
                         severed.

                                   GARY
                         I'm warning you!

                                   SENESTRA
                         You're warning ME?

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                             (through teeth)
                         What are you doing, Gary!?

                                   SENESTRA
                         Exactly what I want to know.  What
                         ARE you doing, you little bitch?

                                   GARY
                         DON'T CALL ME LITTLE BITCH! 
                         RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH!!!

               Gary leaps at them and, in a fury of kicks and punches, Rock
               and Tank are on the ground and Senestra has been disarmed.

                                   SENESTRA
                         What the...!?

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Mental note: don't call Gary
                         "little bitch" anymore.
                             (to Gary)
                         How the HELL did you...!?

                                   GARY
                         Not important.  Now, to take out
                         the trash...

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         But shouldn't we beat up Senestra
                         Malevolous first?

               Gary looks at Werewolf Thad with a "God, you are a stupid
               bastard" look, then turns back to Senestra and cracks his
               knuckles.  Senestra takes a step backwards.

                                   SENESTRA
                         Well, well, well... look at the
                         time!

               Senestra runs away into Thad's place.  Werewolf Thad and Gary
               follow.

        24     INT. THAD'S APARTMENT                                   24

               Thad and Gary enter.  Gary stops Thad.

                                   GARY
                         No, she's not worth it!  I fear
                         there are more dire evils at work
                         here.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Okay, Gary... I've got to ask how
                         the HELL you...

                                   GARY
                         Did you know you have someone on
                         hold?

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         What?  Oh.

               Werewolf Thad looks down at the phone and picks it up.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Hello?  Donner, is that you?
                             (a beat)
                         Donner, I can't hear you.  There's
                         some kind of weird static on the
                         line.  Are you hungry?  Is that why 
                         you keep saying "dine, dine, dine?"  

        25     INT. DONNER'S APARTMENT                                 25

               Kathy is strangling Donner with the telephone line and
               beating him over the head with the receiver.

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         DIE! DIE! DIE DIIIIIIIE!!!

               Donner reaches for something on the table.  It's the warmer
               hat he was talking about earlier.  He finally grabs it, puts
               it on Kathy's head, and turns it on "high".

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         What the?

               Kathy feels of the hat and smiles.

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         Oh, it's nice, warm, and cozy!  I
                         like this hat!  Wow, this could
                         make you a billion dollars!  I...

               WHOOSH!  Kathy's head bursts into flames.

                                   KATHY HILTER
                         YEARGH!!!

               Kathy runs around the room hitting herself in the head with
               her fists.  She finally runs out the door.

        26     EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS                              26

               Kathy runs up to a fire extinguisher, points it at herself
               and tries to fire it off, only it's empty.  She runs to a
               hose lying on the ground and turns it on.  The camera pans
               back to reveal that it is connected to a tank that says
               PROPANE.  Kathy's entire body bursts into flames.  She runs
               to an enclosed pool area and dives in.  We hear a THUNK-SPLAT
               sound that echoes for a few seconds.  Arturo enters frame.

                                   ARTURO
                         Good lord! I just had that pool
                         cleaned!

               Werewolf Thad, Gary, and Donner (still choking a bit) run to
               the pool.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         Holy CRAP in a HAT!

                                   ARTURO
                         Did you see that?  Some flaming
                         harpy just dived into the pool!

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         And that thing hasn't had water in
                         it for years and when it did...

               Everyone shudders.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         I would have rather jumped in the
                         empty pool!

                                   ARTURO
                         Who was that?

                                   DONNER
                         It was Kathy Hilter!  She was
                         trying to kill me!  Apparently, she
                         is a minion of Satan and neglected
                         to tell us.

                                   WEREWOLF THAD
                         No kidding?  Senestra just tried to
                         kill me saying that it was Satan's
                         orders.  What are the odds?

                                   ARTURO
                         I'd say about as good as Liam
                         showing up wearing nothing but a
                         pink lace silk robe with two red
                         hearts over his nipples.

               Liam shows up wearing the pink lace silk robe with two red
               hearts over his nipples.  Werewolf Thad changes back to
               regular Thad.

                                   ARTURO
                         One of these days I'm going to keep
                         my fat trap shut.

                                   LIAM
                         Guys, Satan just kidnapped Kari
                         Wuhrer!

                                   GARY
                         We've got to do something!

                                   THAD
                         That's not the only person Satan's
                         grabbed.  Bippo's missing too.

                                   DONNER
                         Could someone explain to me exactly
                         what the hell is happening today? 
                         Unexplained solar eclipses, the
                         forces of evil trying to kill us in
                         a coordinated attempt, and NOW
                         they're kidnapping people!?

                                   ARTURO
                         Obviously, there is something
                         afoot, but I...

               Doris enters frame.

                                   DORIS
                         Excuse me, professor.

                                   ARTURO
                         Not now, woman!  Can't you see that
                         we're in the middle of something
                         dire and we're all trying to figure
                         out where and how the forces of
                         evil will strike next?

                                   DORIS
                         Actually, I can.  One doesn't live
                         as long as I have without noticing
                         these things, that's why I thought
                         you'd all be interested in
                         something I just found.

                                   ARTURO
                         What!?

                                   LIAM
                         You found?

                                   DORIS
                         I need you to come and look at
                         something.

                                   ARTURO
                         What?

                                   DORIS
                         Well, that's just it... I'm not
                         sure but I really think you guys
                         should come look at it.

               Arturo sighs.

                                   ARTURO
                         Come on, lads.

                                   THAD
                             (to Liam)
                         Did he just call us lads?

        27     INT. HELL                                               27

               SCRAPPY DOO enters carrying a screwdriver and a pair of wire
               cutters.  He walks up to SATAN who is sitting on his throne
               looking rather bored.

                                   SCRAPPY
                         It's done, master.  One thousand
                         bombs... the perfect distraction.

                                   SATAN
                             (disinterested)
                         That's nice, Scrappy.  You may go.

               Scrappy stands there for a second, obviously puzzled by
               Satan's nonchalant attitude.  He finally exits as Satan
               starts his X-Box and begins to play a video game.

        28     INT. DORIS' APARTMENT                                   28

               Arturo, Doris, Thad, Donner, Gary, and Liam enter.

                                   DORIS
                         ...then I came back from playing
                         Bingo at the Y, and it was just
                         sitting here.

               Doris points to a red refrigerator sized object sitting in
               the middle of the room.

                                   ARTURO
                         Well, that's odd.  What do you
                         suppose it is?

                                   DONNER
                         Gee, professor, let's look at the
                         facts so far.  Plans from Satan's
                         minions, bodily harm, kidnapping,
                         and what not?  I'd reckon it's not
                         a care package.

               Thad has walked up to it and taps on the side.

                                   THAD
                         I'm going to open it.

                                   GARY
                         Well, be careful!  There's no
                         telling what it is!

                                   THAD
                         I'll be careful!  I have just the
                         right tool to delicately open this
                         package.

               Thad studies the package a little more, then takes out a
               large monkey wrench and whacks it as hard as he can.  The
               front panel swings open revealing an LED display that's
               counting down.

               9:45, 9:44, 9:43, 9:42, 9:41, 9:40, 9:39....

                                   LIAM
                         I'm willing to bet that thing isn't
                         counting down to Christmas.

                                   THAD
                             (disappointed)
                         Aw...

                                   DORIS
                         You mean this thing is a...?

               Thad opens another panel revealing a giant poster for the
               "FINAL FANTASY" movie.

                                   LIAM
                         It's a bomb!

               Thad looks at it's base.

                                   THAD
                         The damn thing's welded to the
                         floor!  We can't move it!

                                   ARTURO
                         Then we're wasting time trying to. 
                         It's time to evacuate the building
                         and bloody move, all right?  Go!

               Everyone runs out the door.

        29     EXT. THE SKIES OVER LAS VEGAS                           29

               Capeman is flying above the city with a look of determination
               on his face when ULTRAWOMAN flies up next to him.

                                   ULTRAWOMAN
                         Capeman, where the hell have you
                         been?  We've been trying to contact
                         you for an hour!

                                   CAPEMAN
                         Bomb at Upda Creek Apartments! 
                         I've got to do something about it!

                                   ULTRAWOMAN
                         Capeman, there are one THOUSAND
                         bombs one one thousand school buses
                         all over the world!

               Capeman stops.

                                   CAPEMAN
                         What!?

                                   ULTRAWOMAN
                         We can't get them all ourselves! 
                         We need your help or a lot of kids
                         are going to die!

               Capeman looks torn.  He looks off in the direction of Upda
               Creek and then at Ultrawoman.

                                   CAPEMAN
                         All over the world you say?

                                   ULTRAWOMAN
                         And unless we defuse them all in
                         fifteen minutes, they're going to
                         go off.

               A beat.

                                   CAPEMAN
                         Then we'd better get to work.

               They fly off at the speed of sound.

        30     EXT. THE HALLWAY                                        30

               Thad runs down the hall frantically knocking on doors.  Stacy
               steps out of her apartment sleepily.

                                   STACY
                         What's going on?

                                   THAD
                         I'll explain on the way out!

               He grabs her, puts her over his shoulder, and runs.

        31     EXT. ANOTHER HALLWAY                                    31

               Doris is knocking on Chocolate Treat's door.

                                   DORIS
                         Chocolate Treat!  Open the door! 
                         We have to leave, there's a BOMB! 
                         Hello?

               Arturo and Triumph rush by on their way out.  Doris stops
               Arturo.

                                   DORIS
                         Treat isn't answering her door!

                                   ARTURO
                         I haven't seen her for days, but
                         it's obvious she's not here.  Now,
                         move woman, move!

               Doris follows Arturo out.

                                   DORIS
                         If she's not here, then where is
                         she?

        32     INT. TEMPUS' PLACE                                      32

               Chocolate Treat and Tempus are lying in bed together.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Well, that was... different.

                                   CHOCOLATE TREAT
                         It's fun to experiment.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Yeah, I like to think that we're an
                         open society in the future, but
                         that was... well, it was something
                         I've never done before.

                                   CHOCOLATE TREAT
                         Oh, would you relax?  Zen
                         meditation allows two people to
                         have sex for hours and, in our
                         case, days.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Days?  What day IS it?

                                   CHOCOLATE TREAT
                         I don't know.  I've lost count.

               Tempus leaps out of bed.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Suit, what day is it?

                                   S.U.I.T.
                         April 19, 2002.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Aw, hell...

                                   CHOCOLATE TREAT
                         Honey, what?

                                   TEMPUS
                         STAY THERE!

               Tempus activates his timesuit and runs out a door.

        33     EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS                              33

               Everyone who lives in the apartments run across the parking
               lot.  DONNER is running next to LIAM and THAD.

                                   DONNER
                         Where's dick-munch and butt-wad?

                                   THAD
                         Last I heard, they were out with
                         the Justice Squad trying to figure
                         out where this eclipse is coming
                         from.

               They stop running across the street where everyone has
               gathered on the opposite sidewalk.

                                   ARTURO
                         Is everyone out?

                                   THAD
                         We checked every room.  We got
                         everyone out with just minutes to
                         spare.

               Liam turns around and looks back at the apartments.

                                   LIAM
                         Oh my GOD!

        34     EXT. LIAM'S APARTMENT                                   34

               Through the window, we see KARI WUHRER tied to a chair and
               struggling to get free.

        35     EXT. THE SIDEWALK                                       35

               Everyone is standing there in shock.

                                   DORIS
                         How the HELL did she get in there!?

               Liam stands there in shock until a look of determination
               crossed his face.

                                   LIAM
                         How much time!?

                                   ARTURO
                         Two minutes, but...

               Liam takes off across the street.

                                   ARTURO
                         LIAM!  DON'T BE AN IDIOT!

                                   THAD
                         Hell...

               Thad takes off after him.

                                   ARTURO
                         THAD, DON'T BE YOURSELF!

               A beat, Arturo remembers something.

                                   ARTURO
                         THAD, NO!  IT'S APRIL 19th! 
                         REMEMBER!?  THAD, COME BACK HERE!!!

               It's too late.  Thad is already across the street and about
               to go after Liam who has all ready entered the building.

        36     INT. UPDA CREEK LOBBY                                   36

               Liam enters and quickly runs across the deserted lobby.  Thad
               enters behind him as Liam exits into the hall.

                                   THAD
                         Liam, Stop!  You're going to get-

               POW!  Thad bounces off a wall of solid hellfire and falls
               backwards.

        37     INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT                                   37

               Liam opens the door and enters the dark apartment.  Kari
               Wuhrer is tied to a chair trying to get free.

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         Liam!

                                   LIAM
                         Kari!  Don't worry, Kari, I'm going
                         to untie you and we'll get out of
                         here and everything will be all
                         right!

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         Unnecessary.

               Kari Wuhrer stands up.  Her bonds slide of her and an evil
               smile crosses her face.

                                   LIAM
                         Whew, that's a relief.  I'm not
                         good with knots and... HEY!  How
                         come you didn't do that before?

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         Still the same dim-witted fool,
                         Liam?  How little you've changed
                         since I last saw you.

                                   LIAM
                         Kari?  Are you feeling all right? 
                         We have to go!

                                   KARI WUHRER
                         IDIOT!  I AM NOT KARI WUHRER!!!

        38     INT. UPDA CREEK LOBBY                                   38

               Werewolf Thad picks up the couch and throws it at the
               hellfire field.  The couch shatters and burns.  Thad realizes
               how futile it is to get through the barrier, turns back to
               normal, and finally makes the hard decision to leave.

        39     EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS                              39

               Thad runs out the front door into the blackness of the
               eclipse night and steam-rolls right into ARTURO, TEMPUS, and
               LIAM.

                                   ARTURO 
                         THAD!

                                   LIAM
                         Thad, what the hell's going on!?

                                   THAD
                         Liam, thank God you're out!  What
                         are you standing around for? 
                         RUN!!!

               Thad runs off.  Liam runs after him and grabs him stopping
               him in his tracks.

                                   LIAM
                         Thad!  Why are you running!?

                                   THAD
                         Are you insane?  I... 

               Thad sees Tempus.

                                   THAD
                         Oh my God, you're not Liam... I
                         mean, you're not our Liam... You're
                         Liam from a year ago when Tempus
                         first showed up, right?

                                   LIAM
                         Yeah, we came from a year in the
                         past so Tempus could prove that...

                                   THAD
                         Liam, listen to me!  Go back and
                         prepare!

               The wind picks up obscuring Thad's words.

                                   LIAM
                         Prepare for what?

                                   THAD
                         They've made their move, Liam!  The
                         Quadrangle's made their move!

                                   LIAM
                         The Quadrangle?  Thad, slow down
                         and explain what's going on
                         coherently!

        40     INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT                                   40

               Kari Wuhrer's eyes are glowing red.  Suddenly, she turns into
               the dark figure, WORLDKILLER.

                                   LIAM
                         GAH!  What are you!?

                                   WORLDKILLER
                         I am known as Worldkiller.

                                   LIAM
                         YOU'RE Worldkiller?

                                   WORLDKILLER
                         Ah, as sharp as a dead mackrel. 
                         You haven't changed.

                                   LIAM
                         I haven't?
                             (a pause)
                         Do I know you?

                                   WORLDKILLER
                         Oh yes, you know me and I know
                         you...  Perhaps THIS will jog your
                         memory!

               Worldkiller claps his hands together and begins to shrink. 
               He gets smaller and smaller and smaller.  Liam watches him
               shrink until he finally says, with a disgusted and somewhat
               amused expression...

                                   LIAM
                         You've got to be kidding me.

               There, in front of Liam, is a small rodent with large sharp
               teeth and evil red eyes.

                                   LIAM
                         FLUFFY THE HAMSTER!?

               Lightning crashes.

                                   FLUFFY THE HAMSTER
                         Yes, Liam!  Fluffy the Hamster is
                         BACK!

                                   LIAM
                         But I saw you die and when you're a
                         demon and you die, you just stop
                         existing, right?

                                   FLUFFY THE HAMSTER
                         Normally, Liam... but I was called
                         for a darker purpose and, of
                         course, I had to come here to see
                         you again.  Nice robe, by the way.

               Liam covers the two red hearts over his nipples with his
               hands.

        41     EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS                              41

               Thad is talking to the Liam, Tempus, and Arturo of 2001.

                                   THAD
                         It's the end of everything, Liam!
                         Look, you think that Satan comes
                         after you, but...

        42     INT. LIAM'S APARTMENT                                   42

               Liam is standing there in front of Fluffy.

                                   LIAM
                         Where's Kari?

                                   FLUFFY THE HAMSTER
                         Your stalkee turned new girlfriend? 
                         She's somewhere safe... for now.

                                   LIAM
                         So, you're here to get revenge? 
                         Well, go ahead and get it over
                         with!

                                   FLUFFY THE HAMSTER
                         Revenge?  Liam, my former owner, I
                         am here for a much more diabolical
                         purpose than that, but I do
                         consider revenge a most tempting
                         bonus.  I've been waiting a long
                         time for this, Smith.

                                   LIAM
                         You blow up these apartments,
                         you'll be just as dead as I'll be. 
                         You didn't come back just to kill
                         yourself, did you?  No matter how
                         much you hate me, I know you're not
                         going to blow up the apartments
                         while you're here.

                                   FLUFFY THE HAMSTER
                         Don't be a dofus, Liam.  Do you
                         think I'm stupid enough to blow
                         myself up?  I was never here, fool!

               Fluffy disappears.

                                   LIAM
                         Oh, hell.  It seemed like a decent
                         gamble at the time.

               Liam turns and runs for the door.  The scene slows to a crawl
               as he reaches for the doorknob.  Just inches from it, there
               is a loud explosion and everything washes out into a
               brilliant white.

        43     EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS                              43

               Thad is frantically trying to explain what's going on to the
               Arturo, Tempus, and Liam of 2001 when, behind them, Upda
               Creek Apartments EXPLODES in a great fireball.  Knocking them
               to the ground. 

                                   TEMPUS
                          SUIT, GET OUT OUT OF HERE!!!

                                   SUIT
                         Calculating.

                                   THAD
                         ARRRRRRGH!!!

               A giant piece of concrete lands on Thad.  More concrete falls
               out of the sky.

                                   LIAM
                         THAD!

                                   TEMPUS
                         SUIT, NOW DAMMIT!!!

               WHAM!!!  Concrete smashes down on them, but we see a
               brilliant flash of light that tells us that they've safely
               jumped back in time.

               The shower of debris stops and we see Upda Creek Apartments
               have been totally destroyed.  Tattered and burning pages of
               porno fall from the sky like tree leaves falling in Autumn as
               an eerie silence falls over the scene.

               Suddenly, a door of light appears about seven feet off the
               ground.  THAD falls from it and hits the ground.

                                   THAD
                         ARRRRRRRGH-OOF!

               TEMPUS and CHOCOLATE TREAT jump down from the door which
               snaps shut above them.  Thad continues to scream.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Thad, calm down!  You're all right!

               Thad stops screaming and opens his eyes.

                                   THAD
                         I'm alive!?

                                   TEMPUS
                         Yeah, sorry about the last minute
                         save, but I couldn't allow myself
                         from one year ago to be clued in
                         that I was going to stick around in
                         his future.

                                   CHOCOLATE TREAT
                         Thad, honey, where's Liam?

                                   THAD
                         Last I saw him, he was in there!

               They all look at the smoking ruin that is Upda Creek
               Apartment.  A large portion of it is in flames.

                                   CHOCOLATE TREAT
                         Oh, Liam!  Oh no!

                                   THAD
                         Don't worry, Chocolate Treat.  I've
                         known Liam for three years and he
                         has the best luck of anyone I've
                         ever seen.  If anyone got out of
                         that explosion alive, it would be
                         him.

               WHAM!  A burned body lands in front of them wearing a burned
               pink lace robe with red hearts over the nipples.  The body
               continues to sizzle and pop and smoke as the others slowly
               creep over to it with their mouths open in shock.  Tempus
               bends down and looks at the charred face.

                                   TEMPUS
                         Uh...

               Tempus tries to take a pulse off the neck, but the head falls
               off and rolls down the street.

                                   TEMPUS
                         I... don't think he's going to pull
                         through.

               Lightning flashes overhead.  Thad, Chocolate Treat, and
               Tempus look up into the sky and, above them, two BLOOD RED
               EYES stare down on them from above the clouds.

        44     EXT. UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS - AERIAL SHOT                44

               Thad, Chocolate Treat, and Tempus stand over Liam's body as
               the camera pulls back revealing all the devastation around
               them.  Music swells as we...

                                                       FADE OUT:

               TO BE CONTINUED!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

                                   TRACI LORDS
                         Hi, I'm Traci Lords and here's a
                         look at the next exciting episode
                         of "The Liam Smith Show"!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               INT. CAPTAIN SPAZ'S TRANSPARENT ROCKETSHIP

                                   CAPTAIN SPAZ
                         My GOD!  Whatever it is, it's the
                         size of Jupiter!  Why didn't we see
                         this before now!? 

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               EXT. THE RUINS OF UPDA CREEK APARTMENTS

                                   CAPEMAN
                         This was a coordinated and planned
                         assault to keep us distracted so
                         they could get to him.  Now, all is
                         lost.

               --------------------------------------------------------------

                                   STACY
                         I can't believe he's dead!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               INT. A TOY STORE

               Thad and Drew face each other.

                                   DREW
                         Who said anything about fighting
                         you, Fido?  I'm not just going to
                         kick your ass this time, Thad, I'm
                         going to KILL you!

               --------------------------------------------------------------

               EXT. A HUGE FIELD

               Suddenly, a light appears from the sky and, from it, MILLIONS
               OF PARADEMONS - grotesque demon like shock troops - begin to
               fall from the sky like rain.  The superheroes look on in
               shock as strange TANKS erupt from the ground. The Parademons
               man the tanks and begin advancing.  The camera zooms in on
               Capeman.

                                   CAPEMAN
                         Justice Squad International...
                         ONWARD!!!

                                                       FADE OUT:

               ROLL CREDITS