Impossible to watch.

Review by Donner

Mission Impossible II "Expect the impossible again." Directed by John Woo Story by Ronald D. Moore and Brannon Bragga Screenplay by Robert Towne Based on the television series created by Bruce Geller  Starring Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton, and Ving Rahmes Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violent action and some sensuality Fun fact: John Woo's original cut of this movie clocked in at three and a half hours.

Considering I was one of the half-dozen people in the world who understood the plot to Mission: Impossible when it first came out and considering I'm a fan of movies that keep you off guard, make you think, and keep you guessing... I can say without a doubt or qualm in my head that Mission: Impossible II sucks great big sweaty donkey balls. I mean, what in the name of Jim Phelps happened in between part one and part two? Did the world of the IMF force get less complicated? What happened to all of the intrigue? The politics? The secrecy?  Mission: Impossible II, which plays like the bad James Bond movie, The World is Not Enough, centers around Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his hunt for the deadly virus Chimera which has been stolen by a rouge IMF agent along with it's antidote. How do we know one's the killer virus and the other's the antedate? Why, one is green and the other is red! Hell, any first year molecular biologist knows that! Ethan goes and recruits a saucy little jewel thief who he promptly falls heads over heals for and who is soon put in all sorts of danger. Again, what the hell happened to the IMF being kept a secret?  Where Mission: Impossible was chock-full of style thanks to Brian De Palma who for some reason just ruined his career with Mission to Mars, Mission: Impossible II is full of kung-fu, motorcycle chases that seem to go on forever, and lots of shoot-outs thanks to John Woo who, with M:I-2 has just made his silliest, simplest, most overblown, and unintentionally tragic movie ever. Let me just say that the Enya-like Titanic-esque musical score for this movie was wrong... damn wrong. Out of place, too. A lot like the score from Mission to Mars... the Dracula-esque score.  And talk about an episode in narcissism!  Tom cruise seems to have gone out of his way to make sure that this movie is about him and him alone!  Forget the teamwork that Mission: Impossible was always famous for... it appears that there is room in this movie for only Tom and his ego. The story is simple to the point of absurdity and ripped directly from the script of Goldeneye. Skeptical? Need some examples? Okay, here we go... Goldeneye: James Bond and femme fatal engage each other in friendly car chase. Mission: Impossible II:: Ethan Hunt and femme fatal engage each other in a friendly car chase. Goldeneye: Hot Russian scientist an asset because she knows one of the bad guys personally. Mission: Impossible II:: Hot jewel thief an asset because she knows one of the bad guys personally. Goldeneye: Bad guy is a rogue agent... 006 Mission: Impossible II:: Bad guy is a rogue IMF agent.  Of course, mind you, Goldeneye was a good movie where M:I-2 is a bunch of window dressing and fluff. This movie is just a bunch of regurgitated action scenes centered around what is laughably passed off as a plot. As for as sequels go, M:I-2 is to Mission: Impossible what The Lost World was to Jurassic Park.  So, who is to blame for the dumbing down of Mission: Impossible? The writers? The executives? Tom Cruise? John Woo? Who shall we drag into the street and beat to death for this atrocity?  Well, I lay the blame on every numbskull who came out of Mission: Impossible whining and complaining about how hard it was to understand. I want to punch every asshole critic out there who called the plot overly convoluted.  They are the ones to blame for the de-evolution of this franchise. Folks, do yourself a favor. Go out and rent the original Mission: Impossible, Citizen Kane, Dark City or some other movie that might actually cause you to think about what's happening on the screen. You'll have a good time and your possibly under-used brain will thank you for it.  As for M:I-2, chalk this one down as just another big dumb action movie. Usually, that's not a problem with me, but Mission: Impossible can be many things but dumb is definitely not one of them. This review will self destruct in five seconds.

Contact: Donner@wcc.net