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Screen Gems
Presents
Ultraviolet
"The blood war is
on."
2006 - Sci-Fi, Adventure
Reviewed 3.21.2006
Written and Directed by
Kurt Wimmer
Starring Milla Jovovich,
Cameron Bright, William Fichtner, Nick Chinlund, Sebastien Andrieu
Rated PG-13 for
sequences of violent action throughout, partial nudity and language
Fun Fact:
While on the set, Kurt Wimmer asked Milla Jovovich to punch him, in
order to get a feel for the intensity she was putting in her action
sequences. For the next several days, Wimmer directed the film with a
black eye.
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There's a special category of movie and that's
the movie that's so bad it's good. You know the type... the
movie that is so unaware of its own brainlessness and ridiculousness
that it continues to hold onto a bloated sense of self-importance.
 You can
usually tell that you're in one of these movies when the entire
audience is chuckling at all of the movie's most dramatic and
emotional moments.
Obviously, Ultraviolet is one of
those movies. This makes me face a conundrum... I had a good time in
this movie, but all of my joy was created by laughing at this horrid
piece of dreck. Should I give it a mildly passable review or
just treat it as the crap that it is?
Heck... I guess not calling Ultraviolet crap
would be insulting everything non-crap on the planet. Let's just
stick to crap.
Ultraviolet takes place in the late 21st century
where a virus has created a class of humans with pansy vampire
characteristics. Called Hemophages, and aside from the fact that
they don't have any cool vampire power save for the teeth, they are
treated as a second class of people and are at the mercy of some kind
of horrible tyrannical medical authority... something of a mix between
a hospital and the Nazi Party. You know, like a typical HMO.
To make a long story - or lack of one - short,
the key to either curing or killing all the Hemophages in the world
rests inside the body of that little creepy bastard from Birth and
Milla Jovovich - playing the role of the title character - must keep
him out of the clutches of the oh-so-evil ruler of the medical empire.
Ultraviolet is ultra-awful. A mind blowing
collection of seemingly unrelated scenes that try and fail to assemble
something close to a plot and a numbing sequence of laughable action
happenings that look cartoonishly copied from other movies.
I mean, come on... Did Kurt Wimmer honestly think
that none of us watched The Matrix?
You know, I really don't have a lot to say about
this movie other than it is terrible, it is as bad as it
looks, and it makes the other sci-fi superchick movies like
Catwoman and Aeon Flux look positively Shakespearean in
comparison.
| This is elegant
stupidity at work. This film will be remembered for years to
come as proof that one does not need intelligence to make a movie. |
It's bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad,
bad. Cheesy, corny... you name the negative adverb and it will
probably describe this flick. This is elegant stupidity at work.
This film will be remembered for years to come as proof that one does
not need intelligence to make a movie.
The only way I would remotely recommend even
watching this beast on network television would be if you want to
watch it to just witness and laugh at its badness as I did.
Strangely, I had a good time at Ultraviolet but
it wasn't because of anything the movie did on purpose. Sorry,
babe... In this case I was laughing at you and not with you. |
