The Moron's Guide to
ENTERPRISE

A humorous capsule review of every episode of the latest Star Trek spin off
by Jason Donner

SEASON ONE

Broken Bow-Wow
Captain Archer is put in command of the Enterprise to save a Klingon and put right what once went wrong after he paper trains Porthos.

Fight or Flight
Enterprise must single-handedly stop interstellar murderers when Hoshi decides space is too icky.

Strange New Episode
The landing team hallucinates when Trip drops some bad acid.

Unexpected
Trip gets knocked up and it's up to the crew to get an alien to pay a hefty child support payment.

Terra Nova: The Newest Fragrance from Calvin Kline
Someone finally notices that some guy named Malcolm is flying the ship.  After locking him in the brig for a week, they discover that he is indeed supposed to be there.

The Andorian Accident
The Andorians get pissed when the Vulcan's steal their cable.

Breaking Your Ass
Captain Archer gets upset at the Vulcans for having a better looking ship than he does.

Civilization
Archer gets the hots for a woman from a planet where everyone is sick.  Archer!  That's like having casual sex in Haiti!

Unfortunate Son
Malcolm leaves the Enterprise for a month and no one notices.

Cold Front
Silik pisses off the Enterprise crew by saving the ship.

Silent but Deadly Enemy
Archer finds out too late that pineapple gives Reed gas.

Dear Doctor
Archer decides to do nothing and sets a Starfleet precedent.

Sleeping Dogs
The Enteprise crew is stranded on a Klingon ship with an expired warranty.

Shadows of P'Jem and the Holograms
The Vulcans and Andorians have a sissy slap fight.

Shuttlepod One
Stranded in a shuttle and thinking that they're going to die, Reed and Trip spend some time alone together that they never talk about again.

Fusion
Enterprise encounters Vulcan hippies.  No... really.

Rouge Planet
Archer gets the hots for a giant slug thing.

Acquisition
Enterprise fights off the Feringi.  No... really.

Oasis
I never saw this one... I couldn't get over that whole Feringi thing.

Detained
I mean, Jesus Christ... the Feringi!?

Vox Sola
A giant loogie attacks the Enterprise.

Fallen Hero
I didn't see this one either and there's not a damn thing you can do about it!

Dessert Crossing
You know what, I skipped this one too.  Hey, will someone buy me the box set when it comes out?

Two Days and Two Nights
Trip and Reed fall for a couple of guys in dresses.  Really.

Shockwave
Archer is shocked and appalled when he kills everyone on a planet and Starfleet has the gaul to make him apologize.