Note: Every episode recieves a letter grade based on episode kwality.

"Pilot"

Quinn Mallory, boy genius and overall smart-ass, tinkers with his cellular phone and opens up a doorway into a parallel dimension where Elvis is alive, red lights mean "go", and Vanilla Ice still has a career. After getting back, Quinn's counterpart, a guy who looks just like him except he has better fashion sense, comes through in his own wormhole. He ruins Quinn's life, draws a smilely face on his chalkboard, and explains to him that the term "leaping" is already taken and that "sliding" sounds cooler. After his counterpart leaves, Quinn invites his best friend, Wade Wells, and his pompous math tutor, Professor Maximillion Arturo, to jump through the wormhole with him. They do, picking up fro-obsessed Temptations wannabe, Rembrant "Whining Man" Brown and his pretty, mint-condition red Cadallac. (Which is immediately smashed into an iceberg). Because they soon get tired of Rembrant's whimpering and activate the wormhole prematurely: screwing up the timer and sending them to a world run by Russia. (It's a lot like Euro-Disney, I hear) Wade is mistaken for her counterpart, a freedom fighter, and is chased to the hideout of the American resistance who also mistake her for her counterpart. After Wade's boyfriend (The alternate Wade, that is) finds out that Wade (The real one) isn't really Wade (his Wade, I mean) he reveals that Wade (The alternate one again) is being held in a prison camp run by Arturo (The real one -- just kidding). So the sliders, who have no combat experience whatsoever, decide to trot along with the resistance to free the freedom fighter Wade and the real Rembrant, who was taken prisoner after he doesn't pay exact change at a tollbooth. Everything goes according to plan (except of course that the freedom fighter Wade was killed) and the sliders and Americans make it back to base. There, Arturo hits the timer over and over again until it works and the sliders open the wormhole and leap to freedom. Upon getting home, the sliders are invited to a sit-down Swedish dinner at Quinn's home where they find out that they did not, in fact, get home because, after all... Quinn isn't Swedish.

Best Lines: (And believe me, there are a lot of them!)

"You're gonna love sliding!"
-- Quinn to Quinn

"Thirteen! And they were all flukes!"
-- Rembrandt correcting his manager on the #1 hits that The Spinning Tops had after he left

"I think I've just seen God, and I could've sworn he was driving a Cadallac!"
-- Arturo after emerging from the wormhole that also swallowed Rembrandt and his car

"Well, I wouldn't go that far."
--Professor Arturo responding to Wade's remark that sliding is better than sex.

"Always a leader of men no matter what the circumstances."
-- Arturo when he learns that his counterpart on "Russia world" is a citizen general

"I understand you've been sworn in, and I have read your complaint... please remove your hat!"
-- Judge Wapner to Pavel the cab driver (it's nice to know some things never change)

"Small claims my [BLEEP]!"
-- Rembrandt after Judge Wapner sentences him to 15 years in and Alaskan Gulag

"Yeah, well, that settles it. We home!"
-- Rembrant after Pavel the cab driver recognizes him from the Spinning Tops

"Fever"

The sliders slide onto a brand new world and Wade slides right into the path of an oncoming bus. She is saved just in the nick of time by a passing stranger. Wade gives him a kiss as a reward to which the stranger reacts with horror. "Probably thought you had cooties," remarks Quinn. Later Wade shows flu-like symptoms and Arturo and Quinn go hunting for Some Tylenol. They can't get any however, because all of the pharmacies on that world won't accept Mastercharge. Quinn is taken prisoner by the health board because his counterpart was the first person on that world to get the fever, thus, he is labeled "patient 007". Quinn is probed through every orifice in his body by doctors who can't understand why he doesn't have the fever anymore. After two or three hours they get bored and leave to watch "ER". Meanwhile, Wade goes buggo and runs away. Arturo and Rembrant chase her to the hideout of Quinn Mallory's counterpart, the elusive "patient 007" who tells Rembrant and Arturo, who is still gasping for air after the chase, that everyone in San Francisco carries a Mastercharge card and therefore cannot get Tylenol from any of the pharmacies and thus they all have the fever. When Arturo begins to get sick he does his best to come up with a Mcgyver-ish plan to make Tylenol. Rembrant decides to go bust Quinn out of jail in the meantime. In jail, Quinn meets "patient 007's" lover, Dr. Goodbody, who helps him escape but is shot in the back for her troubles. Quinn zooms away in a cab with Rembrant and the health board doesn't follow. (Despite the fact that they have trucks and helicopters) Upon arriving at "patient 007's" hideout, they find out that Arturo has made Tylenol from old moldy oranges and, in a pathetic attempt at self-preservation, ate the entire batch. He gets better, makes more, and cures Wade and the rest of San Francisco. The sliders jump into the wormhole just as the hideout is raided by the FDA.

Great lines

"Oh, I like this world."
-- Arturo after a beautiful woman kisses him on "rich world"

"You can take a man's body and beat it, you can take a man's soul and try it, but to do this to a hamburger... it' just down-right unkind!"
-- Rembrant shortly before biting into CHC approved food

"Last Days"

Alternate Title: "Our Man Bennish"
Grade: A

The sliders land on a world about to be squished by an asteroid named, "Yoeman Rand." Rembrant has a panic attack and runs away leaving Wade, Quinn, and Arturo left to ponder what to do. Wade and Quinn decide to go to Quinn's counterpart's house in hopes of fixing the timer and eating a few TV dinners. Arturo goes to a science fair where he meets a young Physics major named Conrad Bennish who is, in fact, a genetically engineered hybrid of Joey Lawrence and Keanu Reeves. Bennish and Arturo decide to work together to finish Einstein's atom bomb which didn't work right for some reason. (It went poof instead of boom) Quinn and Wade forget about fixing the timer and decide to dance, touching on feelings that they have kept hidden for years and just when they are about to kiss... Arturo barges in, eats all their food, and tells them that he and Bennish have fixed the atom bomb and it is ready to shoot at the asteroid. Rembrant, in the meantime, goes to a party and steals Captain Picard's girlfriend. They both go to a church and start serving cold soup to the homeless, but Rembrant gets bored and leaves meeting his friends and learning of the atom bomb. Wade, Quinn, Rembrant, Arturo, and Bennish watch the atom bomb destroy the asteroid from their safe haven in Radio Shack and celebrate by chugging beers and slamdancing. The sliders slide away leaving that earth to suffer a nuclear winter and radioactive fallout, turning all the children into Kromaggs.

Best Lines

"Ahhhhhhh... FOOD!"
-- Arturo interrupting Wade and Quinn's romantic dance

"She's a stone fox man, I say go for it!"
-- Bennish to Quinn about Wade

"If we survive, I promise you this: I will spend the rest of my life isolating the gene that makes you so obnoxious... and I will destroy it."
-- Arturo to Bennish

"Summer of Love"

Alternate Title: "Wade Conquers the Hippies"
Grade: B

Quinn and Arturo are separated from Wade and Rembrandt after escaping from a world overrun by hornets with attitude. The sliders end up in a world where hippies are no longer an endangered species. Wade and Rembrandt end up being taken for gods by a group of hippies who see them fly out of the wormhole. Wade and Rembrandt then decide to milk the hippies for every dime they can and Rembrandt steals one of the hippie's cars and goes to town hoping to find Quinn and Arturo. While in town, he goes to his old home and interrupts his counterpart's funeral. When mistaken for her husband by Rembrant's counterpart's wife, the Crying Man decides to assume his double's identity and take his wife as his own (Hath thou no shame Rembrandt?). Meanwhile, somewhere else in the city, Quinn and Rembrandt rent a room and try to repair the timer, which has gone all gaga. Their landlady is the whistle-blowing type, and reports the dynamic duo to the FBI. Across town, Rembrandt discovers, much to his horror, that his counterpart was whooped to a pulp by his "loving" wife and is put to work by his slavedriving spouse. He decides he can't take anymore and runs away from home. Meanwhile, Quinn and Arturo are placed under arrest by the FBI (not Mulder and Scully) because they suspect that they are trying to build a bomb. Q-Ball and The Professor get away and are run over by Rembrant and his stolen car. The three then drive to the hippie compound and pick up Wade, who has declared herself the all powerful queen. Prying Wade from power, the gang slides on.

BEST LINES

"That's supposed to make me feel better!? That these spiders can fly and sting my head off!?"
-Rembrandt to Wade about the Spider Wasps

"I hated the '60's when it was the 60's!"
-Arturo

Well, we may be into modern Earth and spiritual values, but we're not stupid."
-Seeker the Hippie when Rembrandt finds out that the hippies are rich.

"Good heavens! I can actually see his ears!"
-Arturo when he sees the alternate conservative Bennish.

"The Weaker Sex"

Alternate Title: "Love Me Gender"
Grade: B

The sliders land on a worlds where Hillary Clinton is president. Considering that, they believe that they are home until they discover that the entire world is dominated by women. Since they are low on fundage, the sliders decide to get jobs and Wade, with a complete lack of credentials and no experience, gets a job in politics. (insert rude and totally uncalled for political remark here). Quinn gets hired by a female boss because of his shirtless scene in Fever. After Arturo rants about that for an hour, a group of men hear him and, not wanting all of that hot air go to waste, they convince him to run for mayor of San Francisco on a platform of male suffrage. The power-mad Arturo accepts their invitation, but declines when the dominating women try to kill him (the wuss). At the debate, Arturo breaks down and cries when the incumbent mayor asks him how much he weighs. This totally sickens the voting public and causes him to loose miserably. The sliders slide and Wade turns him into her own private whipping boy on the next world.

"I don't believe anyone has ever captured my essence so beautifully. The moment when I changed that little brat's diaper - classic."
-Arturo

The King is Back

Alternate Title: "This is Rembrandt Brown"
Grade: B-

Rembrandt notices an unusual amount of people stalking him on day and find out that his counterpart on the world he is on is bigger than Elvis (in popularity - not in size, but like Elvis, is deader than a doornail. Yes, you heard me... Elvis is dead Get over it!!!) When the media makes a big fuss about a home video shot of the crying man, the famous Rembrandt's manager, Captain Jack, hunts him down and offers him a million dollars and a happy meal for every song he can belt out in a special comeback concert. However, before Remmy can get to the concert, he is kidnapped by Jimmy Walker Dine-O-Mite!!!. While all of this is going on, the real (and apparently un- dead) Famous Rembrandt sees Rembrandt on the news and throws a hissy fit. With his help, the sliders track down Jimmy Walker who blames Rembrandt for the cancellation of Good Times. The sliders kick his ass and send Rembrandt to the concert where he is ultimatly double-crossed by his counterpart who only wanted the happy meals to begin with. Disgusted with the whole affair, the sliders slide on.

Gentelmen, check your flies."
-Arturo when he notices the people staring at him and Rembrandt and Quinn

"The Prince of Wails"

Alternate Title: "Robin Quinn: Prince of Theives"
Grade: C-

The Sliders escape from a Costner-free waterworld to a world where the United States is still a colony of Great Britain and Arturo is given a strange amount of respect from the natives. Wade is almost run down by Robin Leach who goes batty until he sees Arturo. He then offers them the royal suite and everything their hearts desire. Naturally, the sliders milk the brits for every penny they can. Arturo finds out that his counterpart is the "sheriff" of San Fransico. So, after stealing all of the shampoo and towels from their rooms, the sliders take the manager's car and run away. When they break down in a restricted zone, the army mistake Arturo for the sheriff and tell him that the assassination plot is ready. The sliders decide to interfere and stop the assassination of the alfalfa-like Prince Harold, a wormy little creep who is disgustingly rich and stupid. After walking with Prince Doofus for about an hour, the sliders turn Harold over to the Oakland Raiders, a revolutionary group. Quinn also turns over Arturo just for the hell of it. When the palace tells the raiders that they don't want the prince back, Quinn gets on a soap box and babbles for ten minutes and the raiders decide that he has said something meaningful since no one understood what he was talking about. Since no one in the raiders has a clue as to what Quinn meant, they start a crime spree. The real sheriff Arturo, in the meantime, raises taxes and vows to wipe out the Oakland Raiders. Later, Prince Harold falls in love with Wade, who dry-heaves for an hour. While Wade is bent over sick, Harold grabs the opportunity to escape from his cell. Quinn goes out looking for him, only to get caught by Sheriff Arturo and taken to jail. Harold, in the meantime, is exposed to the poverty stricken masses for the first time and has a change of heart. He returns to the Raider's hideout and is killed... no wait... he joins the raiders. Yeah, that's better. Quinn is about to be executed on the sheriff's live TV show, when the raiders hijack the TV station and put Prince Harold in front of the cameras. Harold tells the public of the sheriff's plot and places him under arrest. Quinn is freed and the sliders get ready to slide. As a last second try, Harold asks Wade to marry him. Wade laughs so hard, she almost misses the slide.

BEST LINES

"Sometimes, Miss Wells, you frighten me."
-Arturo

"What about the sexual revolution? It's always been my favorite"
-Wade

"Try this. You are disgustingly rich and they are pathetically poor"
-Arturo to Harold, who can't understand why the raiders want him dead.

"Good thing we decided to stay uninvolved"
-Rembrandt

"Don't go all goopy on me. Things are complicated enough as it is."
-Wade to Harold

"Yes, well. Worth a try."
-Harold after Wade turns down his marrage proposal. .

"Eggheads"

The Sliders land on a world where brain is more highly prized than brawn and Quinn is an intellectual superstar as is Professor Arturo. Wade and Rembrandt are peeved when no one pays any attention to them and shocked when fans refer to Quinn and Arturo as "the sliders". The sliders escape into a taxi cab and run away from the masses. Quinn deduces that his double has to have a sliding machine and they could use it to get home. However, upon reaching Quinn's double's house, they are totally bummed to discover the house is up for sale and the only thing in the basement in a stack of dead bodies... or trophies, I forget which. Hoping that the sliding machine is at the university, Quinn and Arturo assume their doubles identity. At the university, they meet cancerman (I'm serious), who informs them that Arturo is the university chairman. The sliders get into Arturo's office and go through his things, make long distance calls, and eat all of his bon-bons. Arturo calls his double's house and is answered by a woman who frightens him. Quinn is kidnapped by a drill sergeant coach from the darkest depths of hell and is forced to practice with his "mindgame" team. Upon Quinn's return, the former "mindgame" team captain, Wilson, is fired and goes crying to the mob. Quinn, in the meantime, learns the in's and out's of the "mindgame" and prepares to take his team to the nationals. Arturo returns to his double's office only to be slapped in the face by a divorce suit from his wife, who is alive on this world, but dead on his. Quinn's first game of "mindgame" is awkward, but he does manage to win somehow. Upon returning to his house, Quinn finds the Mafia in his kitchen eating his Captain Crunch. The mobsters tell him to throw the national championship or they will make him very dead. The until now forgotten Arturo, goes to see his formerly dead wife and is brushed off like dog hair. Quinn in the meantime, grabs his stuff and prepares to go to the woods and hide from the mobsters but is talked out of it by Coach Testosterone who makes him feel guilty. Well... that and the fact that a couple of FBI agents show up and threaten to arrest him unless he helps expose the mob's involvement in the game. Meanwhile, lovestruck and loony Arturo finally gets a date with his once dead wife and convinces her not to go through with the divorce and for some reason she agrees. Later the professor leaves a message to his counterpart telling him that if he doesn't treat his wife with respect and dignity, he would come back and break his thumbs. Quinn rejoins his team and leads them to win the championship. The mob chases the sliders to the roof where the FBI arrest them. The sliders jump off the building and commit suicide.

Best Lines

"Bizzare to the point of lunacy"
-- Arturo about the infatuated real estate agent.

"It's like everyone expects me to be Wayne Gredski, but I don't know how to skate!"
-- Quinn

"You bet on a game you don't even understand? You're an idiot."
-- Wade to Rembrandt

"Via corinas inundum"
-- Quinn's parting words to the Mafia (Latin for "So long suckers")

"Luck of the Draw"

The sliders land on a perfect world where there is no crime, no pollution, no hate, no racism, and you know that it's going to hit the fan any second. Wade starts making a captain's log, gets a dog, and wins the lottery. Wade: "Let's stay." Quinn: "No, we have to get home!" Arturo: "Just don't interfere!" Rembrant: "Did I ever tell you about my 1979 concert in Dallas?" Of course, Wade gets tons of cash to spend, but only until Friday when she gets put to death for winning the lottery in the first place. (Which make absolutely no sense if you think about it) Rembrant (finally) gets a girl, only to watch her die and get arrested for trying to save her life. (Which also makes no sense). Quinn finds out about the whole thing and decides to rescue Wade and Rembrant from the evil clutches of the "Lottery Police". Arturo comes along too when the buffet at the reception is closed down. The two rescue Rembrant from a heavily fortified Astrovan and run back to the reception where Wade has blabbed the entire story of sliding to her new boyfriend Ryan, a clean cut boring guy. Ryan thinks that the whole idea of sliding is bogus, but considering the alternative of death, he figures, "What the hell?" Quinn, Arturo, and Rembrant meet up with Ryan and Wade in the reception hall and activates the wormhole. All jump through all right, including the dog, except for Quinn who gets shot in the butt.

(by the way,) When Henry jumps up on Arturo during the teaser, watch Quinn when he say's, "At least he's not biting you." If you look closely he actually says, "At least he's not humping you." The "biting" line was an overdub.

Best Line:

"Still think this is paradise!?"
-- Quinn to Wade after learning the truth about the lotto-o-death

Click here to see The Slightly Skewed Guide to Sliders: Season Dos!