The sliders emerge in the first class section of a 747 and just when they get to the point that they can enjoy themselves, the engines explode and the plane starts a 4,000 mile per hour vertical dive towards the ground. The plane crashes and explodes into a zillion pieces (just kidding). Actually, the plane wasn't a plane at all. It was a Disneyland motion-sickness ride. They disembark and find themselves in a perverted version of "American Gladiators" we're they have to fight Rin-Tin-Tin robots and Cylons to survive until they reach the finish line. After narrowly escaping from deadly water sprinklers, Quinn and company steal a Hummer and try to escape only to have Arturo go blind when smacked in the face with a lazer beam. The sliders then meet up with an opposing team who scares them away. When the foursome stop at an out of the way bed and breakfast for a quick rest, the Cylons catch up and Blind Arturo and Rembrandt are separated from Quinn and Wade who are almost killed by the hop-scotch-o-doom. In the meantime, Remmy gets caught up in a spider's web and it's up to the blind professor to shoot the robotic arachnids before they can turn the crying man into chunky salsa. Arturo manages to destroy the robo-spiders, but also shoots Rembrandt in the kneecap. Unperturbed, they move on. Quinn and Wade, in the meantime, are rescued from the Cylons by a female gladiator (who must be extremely gullible to believe in sliding so easily). The gladiator takes a shine to Quinn and asks him to play a Mel Torme' CD in the CD player at the finish line if she gets killed. He agrees reluctantly. The next day, Quinn, Wade, and the gladiator near the finish line only to get into a heated firefight with the Cylons. Remmy and Arturo catch up to them and join in on the fun, firing indiscriminately into the street. Arturo accidentally hits the gladiator and blames it on the Cylons. She dies and Quinn plays the CD at the finish line, torturing the geeky sports commentator. With Arturo's eyesight returned, the gang slides on.
Best Lines
"We have a great assortment of booby-traps, heat-seeking androids,
and mind-blowing mayhem guaranteed to kill a few of you in a very
entertaining fashion!"
-- The Geeky Commentator
"If they do, I'm sure the little sluggers use their bats on
each other!"
-- Arturo wondering if there are baseball players on
gladiator world.
Narrowly escaping getting smashed by a subway car, the sliders emerge on a world whose natural resources are rapidly dwindling. Rembrandt goes off on a romp with a crazy obsessed fan and runs away to Los Angeles. Quinn, Arturo, and Wade, in the meantime, are chased down by a scientist named Logan (I guess you can call it,"Logan's Run"!) who reveals that she knows that they are sliders and that she is trying to develop sliding for her world. Logan tells Arturo that his double, her colleague, was turned into a crispy critter by a unstable wormhole two days earlier and she can't figure out how to correct that minor problem. She agrees to let Quinn and company use her lab to find a way to get home if they help her figure out why her wormhole burns stuff up on re-entry. Later, Logan's squirmy little minion tells her that she and Quinn are the exact same person except for the fact that one is a man and the other is a woman. Logan decides to seduce Quinn to get him to stay and finish perfecting her sliding device (adds a whole new dimension to incest, doesn't it?). Arturo learns that his counterpart and Logan were knocking boots. This makes him suspicious of Logan since no one who looks like her would ever be caught dead with someone who looks like him. Meanwhile, in a city far, far away, Rembrandt finds out that his new girlfriend has a bizarre unnatural obsessive attraction to him. "I like that in a woman!" He says. Arturo and Wade meet with Dead Arturo's wife who tells them that she finds her husband's death strange and his life insurance policy cheap. Later, Wade hacks into Logan's computer and sees Logan's entry to America's Funniest Home Videos where she is caught on tape pushing Arturo's counterpart though the wormhole and to his death. Wade is caught red-handed by Logan's minion and taken away to the penal asteroid of Rura Pente but released later when the prison guards find out that she's in the wrong series. A very cranky Wade catches up with Quinn and Arturo and convinces them that they have to go back to the lab and work so Logan won't be suspicious. Meanwhile, Rembrandt runs away from his Misery-like girlfriend when her fiancé, a big Emmit Smith-lookin' guy, scares him away. Arturo and Wade tells the whole story to dead Arturo's wife and she tells them that there is an all-powerful disk that details Logan's plans for sliding from world to world gobbling up other dimension's natural resources (doesn't she know that the Kromaggs already have the copyright on that?). Arturo then beats up Wade on the basis that thatWade isn't their Wade. Logan, it turns out, is holding the real Wade hostage to keep Quinn from sliding so Arturo and Quinn decide to trade the disk for her freedom. Logan tells them to kiss off and pushes Arturo into her wormhole hoping to fry him too. Luckily, Arturo is saved by the corporation's computer finding the right sliding frequency or something and comes to Wade and Quinn's rescue. Reunited, they steal a bunch of go-karts and run away to the Dominion Hotel where they meet back up with Remmy and slide away as Logan screams at them. Exiting on the other side of the wormhole, they find out that Logan sabotaged the timer and caused them to slide 400 miles away in Los Angeles which apparently is run by the Jamacians! Suddenly, another wormhole opens and Logan pops out threatening to kill Wade if Quinn doesn't fix her timer. He fixes her timer good and sends Logan barreling though dimensions, lost like they are.
Best lines...
"Man, do you always notice that every world we land on we have trouble
with the food?"
-Rembrandt
"I may not be your idea of a shower fantasy, but I do have my
admirers!"
-Arturo
"What dark corner of our soul did you crawl out of?"
-Quinn to Logan (Nominated by Steff Siegel)
"Carpe Diem is what happened to me!"
-Rembrandt
The sliders emerge from the vortex via bobsled and end up in a desert world being blown away by electric tornadoes that makes the timer go all screwy. Quinn saves a stupid little kid who is surfing on one of the twisters, only to watch him evaporate. The sliders wander around for a day or so until they find an Amish village that they can pillage. When they get there, the lady on the bluebonnet butter packages catches them just in time for a twister to jump the village's protective barrier (which is made of the magical rock loathstone) and ransack the church, barn, and McDonalds. The Amish mayor sees the destruction and blames it on the sliders so his approval rating will skyrocket. After three or four hours of beating a shirtless sweaty Quinn (do I smell a rise in the female demographics?), the Amish decide to banish Quinn, Arturo, and Rembrandt to the desert but keep Wade (the dogs). The Amish put Wade to work in the field with bluebonnet girl growing carrots, cucumbers, and marijuana. Meanwhile, in the dessert, Rembrandt gets struck by lighting, put shrugs it off. This impresses the outcasts, who were also banished by the Amish, who takes them into their lair where the sliders meet Corey Feildman, who is the Amish mayor's son. Speak of the devil, the Amish mayor finds out that bluebonnet girl and Wade are communicating with the outcasts, so he grounds them. Meanwhile, Corey tells Arturo that the Amish mayor was the one who screwed up the world and started the twisters in the first place. (Un)fortunately, the twister-surfing brat shows up and interrupts the technobabble, telling them that Wade and Bluebonnet Girl is in big trouble, so naturally, Quinn, Corey, and Remmy charge off to the rescue with no particular plan whatsoever. Bluebonnet Girl and Wade, in the meantime, escapes by kneeing her Amish boyfriend in the groin. They split up and Wade is recaptured and put on trial for being a witch. The Amish try to drown her, but Quinn "Iron Lungs" Mallory, slinks underwater and rescues her. The happy little terrorist group then runs away. Meanwhile, Arturo jury-rigs a bunch of Frankenstien props so the sliders can escape, then everybody meets back at the outcast's hide-out so they can slide. The Amish mayor invades the hideout and messes up Arturo's science experiment, but fortunately, Corey beats him up and makes him conveniently turn into a good guy. Quinn then exclaims, "this episode sucks!" and jumps into the wormhole.
Best lines...
"Would you like me to get you a glass of water professor?"
-- Wade to Arturo at the electric pond.
"Explorers huh? What are we supposed to be? Lewis and freakin' Clarke!?
"
-- Rembrandt
"She's poor stock -- skinny, narrow-hipped."
-- Franklin, about Wade. (How dare he!)
"You look like a drowned cat!"
- Arturo to Wade (nominated by a whole buncha people)
The sliders land on a world that is lagging fourteen years behind, and Quinn meets his counterpart, a young boy who's dad has just died. Old Quinn goes to Young Quinn's house and takes his dog hostage. He changes his mind and gives it back to his mom, who invites him to come back later. Quinn decides that he wants to change an event that happened to him and is going to happen to Young Quinn. So Quinn takes it upon himself to beat up a bunch of bullies that were pounding on his younger self. This scars Young Quinn, who forms a perverse bond with Older Quinn and begins stalking him. Old Quinn, in the meantime, decides to act on a crush and starts to date his old homeroom teacher. Later, Old Quinn tries to save Young Quinn from getting beat up by bullies again, but Arturo holds him back and laughs maniacally. Old Quinn becomes even more determined to help his younger self and begins training him in the martial arts (kung-fu, karate, sumo, ect...). Young Quinn slowly becomes a lean, mean, killing machine under the watchful gaze of Old Quinn. Later, Young Quinn confronts the bullies and tries to fight them off. Unfortunately, the bullies beat the crap out of little Quinn leaving him scared for life. Quinn's old homeroom teacher sees the wormhole and goes mad. Young Quinn grows up, has a sex-change operation and changes his name to Logan Saint Claire.
Best Lines...
"The past should be remembered. Not relived."
- Arturo
"Find God now son! Don't wait!"
- Quinn scaring off bullies.
"Your generation thinks nothing of seeing "Indiana Jones" thirteen
times. Well, I happen to feel the same way about Motzart."
- Arturo (Interesting, considering he was actually in the
Indiana Jones movies.)
"Fine, but why not have a drink first?"
- Arturo to a woman who says she wants a "skip and go naked."
"How do we get him up?"
"You don't know!?"
- Wade and Rembrandt after Arturo bunge jumps.
"My name isn't Jim... It's Quinn."
- A departing Quinn to his old homeroom teacher.
After arriving on a new world, the sliders watch a biker fall down and choke to death after a dweeb flashes his hand that has a smiley face painted on it. The dweeb then sexually harasses Wade who kicks his ass and sends him crying to his mommy. At the hotel, the sliders learn that the dweeb and all dweebs like him are dream masters, meaning they can enter your dreams and terrify you (Like Freddy, only twice as ugly and three times as annoying). After hearing this, Quinn and Rembrandt go to dream master HQ and kick all of the geeks asses. The dweeb come to Wade again, so she kicks his ass and makes him run crying to his mommy again. Arturo finds out about a shelter that protects people from the dream masters, but not before Wade has a nightmare about a three hour remix of Barney's "I Love You, You Love Me". Arriving at the shelter, Wade is given a shot of adrenaline to snap her out of a nightmare involving a John Denver concert. Sick and tired, Quinn goes back to dream master HQ and kicks some more ass taking a scraping from one of the geek's hands thus allowing the sliders to enter Wade's dream. Together, they save Wade, they save the world, and they kick Opie's ass again sending him crying to his mommy who by this time has disowned him. The slider go to sleep and miss the slide.
Best Lines
"Now, where can we find some geeks at this time of night?"
- Arturo on the Dream Masters
"Sweet Dreams"
-Quinn to Wade
Stranded beyond Thunderdome, the sliders happen across the Mos Eisley cantina where they meet bounty hunter, Jeremy, and his prisoner, Debin. After Debin contacts Wade telepathically and tells her to use the force, the sliders decide to free her. Together, they escape into the dessert where they meet Cutter, Debin's slightly deranged boyfriend, who invites them to an all night beer bust and luau. Later that night, Jeremy sneaks into Cutters camp to kidnap Debin again, only to accidentally kidnap Wade who gets pissed and kicks his ass. Wade stops when Jeremy explains that Debin is from a mythological city and he has come to take her home. Wade meets back up with the other sliders and twists them to do her bidding. Thus, the sliders plus Jeremy, steal Debin back really pissing of Cutter who follows them to the mythical oasis called Aquarius (It's sort of like Waterworld's dry land, only in reverse). There, Debin remembers who she is, where she came from, and that Cutter is a real jerk. When Cutter finally shows up, Debin uses the power of the force to turn him into a genuine "blistering idiot".
Best Lines...
"Figures... We rescue the biker babe who rides with Mad Max!"
- Wade.
Upon arriving on a new world, Quinn beats up a guy who is beating up on a girl. The guy turns chicken (or swallow actually) and after the commercial break, the bird/man reports to his boss that the sliders have arrived. Meanwhile, the sliders take the strange young lady, named Melina, to the police who take her home kicking and screaming. Rembrandt meets an old flame, Alisha, who brushes him off. When the police take Melinda to her home, they see a dragon (although one of them thinks it's big bird). Needless to say, the cops drop her off and haul ass. When the sliders hear about Melinda and bird/man's evil boss, Gareth, Quinn starts feeling guilty about throwing Melinda back to him. Meanwhile, one of the cops break into Gareth's house and free Melinda who is about to be knocked up by a demon, or worse, Barney. Gareth finally devulges his fiendish plot of gaining immortality through Quinn. He then kills the police officer in a staring contest. Quinn and Arturo find a reporter who has information about Gareth. He tells them that Gareth destroyed all but one of the Mallory clan on his world. He refuses to say more because either Gareth or masturbation made him blind, and he's not about to take any chances. Meanwhile, Rembrandt still tries to pick up Alisha who drops him like an anvil. Wade then convinces him to dabble in the black arts. The spell backfires and Rembrandt falls fro over heels in love with Wade. Arturo and Quinn are shocked to see Melinda who claims that Gareth released her because he is scared of Quinn. Melinda then beats up Quinn and drags him off like a cavewoman. Melinda delivers Quinn into Gareth's evil hands. In a horrific turn of events, Gareth's evil spirit posses Quinn's body (something the JODSer's have wanted to do for the longest time). Arturo, in the meantime, searches in vain for Quinn finding only a puddle and the timer as Rembrandt goes on a sexual harassment spree with Wade as the prime target. Arturo then travels to Gareth's place in search for Quinn. He argues with Melinda for an hour on whether or not Quinn is a wizard. Finally, Arturo convinces her to tell her where Quinn is. Wade takes Rembrandt to a psychiatrist (who happens to be that Alisha girl). Alisha tells Wade that Rembrandt is genuinely in love with Wade and not in a trance. Wade then bonks him on the head with a bat and he forgets everything. Melinda, who is actually scared and ugly but maintains beauty via magic, reveals to Arturo what Gareth is up to and tells him that there is a sword that can be used to kill her evil boss. Arturo and Melinda ambush Quinn/Gareth who is attending a Druish town meeting. Arturo then kills Quinn to prove that he's not immortal and thus humiliate Gareth in front of the other Druids (I suppose a witty one-liner really wouldn't have been enough). Gareth retreats from Quinn's body and Melinda saves Quinn from certain death at the cost of her outer beauty. Quinn: "You stabbed me, you bastard! Ick! What happened to your face!?" The sliders get ready to slide with Melinda, but unfortunately she is kidnapped by a humoungous dragon. The sliders follow the dragon to Gareth's place where Quinn rescues Melinda and kills the dragon (who is actually Gareth). The sliders slide, and Melinda's new boyfriend squishes a "Joe's Apartment" roach.
Best Lines...
"We were going to make a team. Sort of like Ike and Tina but without
the broken dishes."
- Rembrandt talking about Alisha
"Quinn is no more a wizard than that door knocker!"
- Arturo
"That which is beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful."
- Arturo to Melinda
"Sure, no problem!"
- Quinn after Melinda says the only way to slay the dragon is to pierce it's heart.
The sliders accidentally slide into the flames of hell but manage to escape before they are toasted. They arrive on a world rich in oil and manage to get jobs in an oil refinery. Unbeknownst to them, but knowst to us, a little flame alien came with them from hell and torches everything in sight. While delivering doughnuts to the refinery, Rembrandt is attacked by refinery workers on strike and decides to get a safer job working at a dynamite factory. Later that night, while stumbling home from a bar, Quinn is almost splattered by a Federal Express truck but is actually saved by the little flame. He tells the other three sliders about the flame and they think he's nuts until the flame singes Arturo's beard off. Quinn and Arturo goes to the refinery and steal a bunch of science junk so they can talk to the little fire dude. After catching the flame with a trail of reeses pieces and a trapdoor, Quinn figures out how to communicate with it by using a really cool computer program. "Hi! My name is flamey!" it says. Rembrandt and Wade are captured by the Christian Coalition for accessing pornographic materials on the internet in the refinery, and are sent to Universal Studio's Backdraft attraction to be BBQed. Quinn and flamey, now friends, are busted by the Christian Collation but fortunately, the flame deep fries the bad guys and they escape. Quinn finds Arturo and they both go to find Remmy and Wade. With the help of the little flame, The sliders get saved, Wade decides she wants to have a baby, the bad guy gets char broiled, the unions win, world peace breaks out, and Arturo looses ten pounds. The sliders slide and in true fashion, the flame disappears in a wormhole.
Best lines...
"The hell it was!"
- Arturo when Rembrandt suggests that 'fire world' was hell.
"If you get sick, they have a burial plan."
- Arturo explaining the refinery's heath plan.
"You wanna sing 'light my fire'?"
- Quinn to Rembrandt about communicating with the flame
"Ohh... I like wood."
- The flame
Rembrandt is mistaken for his double, a duchess's husband, and is impregnated with her baby. After laughing hysterically for three hours, the other sliders take a bloated crying man back to his castle where he meets his double's wife, who he goes all goopy for. The love fest is interrupted, however, when the sad news comes in that the king had been killed by falling debris from skylab, thus leaving the unborn baby the throne! Meanwhile, Quinn and Wade make their way to a secluded cabin formerly occupied by the Montana Freemen. There they find the real Duke Rembrandt who is supposed to be pregnant and force him to return to do his duty. Duke Rembrandt tells Quinn and Wade that he was hiding in the cabin because someone had tried to kill him. Back at the castle, Pregnant Remmy is almost killed by a mysterious assailant who escapes and totally kicks Quinn's ass in the process. Wade and a slightly woozy Quinn find out that the culprit is the Lady Mary, Remmy's nanny, and race back to prevent the baby's premature demise. The entire scare causes the baby to jump out of Rembrandt like the alien. It leaps on the Lady Mary and devours her.
Best Lines...
"It's a good thing I'm not six inches taller!"
- Quinn after getting kicked in the stomach.
This review was so kindly donated by Vonda Jones, so if it stinks, blame her.
The Sliders land in a crime-free Hollywood, indicating immediately that
they're not home. Quinn picks up someone's lost wallet, puts it back,
and is promptly arrested by David Duchovney's ex-girlfriend (seriously),
a female version of Boba-Fet. (Known as a Boba-Fetette) She puts him on
"The People's Court" where the audience is the jury. There they show a
video of him tearing the tag off a matress. Hoping for his 15 minutes of
fame, Arturo joins Quinn on the show as his "advocate." He tries
whining, then sucking-up, but nothing works. As a last resort, he and
Quinn try telling the truth. The audience likes it, but still uses their
Simon(tm) game boards to vote Quinn right into the guillotine just
because they can. Meanwhile, Wade breaks into the show's editing room
and catches them doctoring the Zubpruter film. The sliders go to visit
Quinn and tell them that they have no idea how to help him. He says,
"Find my double, you blistering idiots!" The Boba-Fetette, who has
been having 2nd thoughts, goes to see Quinn too. She makes him undress
and discovers that he is indeed not her Quinn Mallory. So she and the
sliders capture the real Quinn Mallory by shooting him in the butt with a
tranquilizer dart. But he claims to be innocent as well. Wade remembers
seeing the people doctoring the Zupbruter film. She and Boba-Fetette
hack into the show's computer and find that they also fixed up the film
of Quinn tearing the tag off a matress. They get caught by a guy named
Phil, but Wade beats him up and they escape. Minutes before the
execution, the Sliders plus Boba-Fetette stage a jail break (a la
Disney's Robin Hood). Quinn and Wade get cozy in the back seat of the
getaway car driven by Arturo, who drives them all to the edge of a cliff
where they throw themselves into the ocean.
Best Lines:
"You've got to remember; he's not the first guy who'll beat a murder rap.
After all, this is
an L.A. audience! Anything can happen."
-Man outside the studio (Phil?), making a clever reference to the O.J.
trial
"What a rush."
-Arturo
"Yeah, talk about your turbo slide!"
-Wade
The sliders land on a world with a purple sky and witness a couple of weird guys getting shot by a garrison of storm troopers. Upon further inspection, Arturo deduces that the weird guys are actually androids based on the giant Duracel batteries attached to their backs. The sliders jump start one of the androids who tells that his name is Derric and that the entire world is populated by androids and R2 units with the exception on the guy everyone calls father (a.k.a. Freddy Kruger). Later, Quinn and Remmy get their asses kicked by stormtroopers and are taken to the factory where they meet Freddy who tells them that all humanity was wiped out when the androids were upgraded to Windows '95. Meanwhile, Arturo and Wade reactivates Derric's girlfriend, a Maytag who has the ability to get them into the factory. Quinn and Rembrandt finds out that Freddy has grown attached to them like a puppy and wants to keep them. When they protest, they are sent to their rooms without their supper. Arturo, Wade, and the rowboats are almost fried by evil replikants of Quinn and the crying man at the factory but they are saved by the real Rembrandt and Quinn just in time to be re-captured by Freddy and his garrisons of stormtroopers who pulls out Derric and Maytag's batteries. Arturo grows angry when Quinn is taken away to have his brain downloaded into a replikant, so he turns into the Incredible Hulk and breaks through a lot of walls to save him. Luckily, the only thing that was downloaded was a bunch of useless Star Trek trivia and something to do with a guy called Ultraman. The sliders then kick Freddy's ass and put Derric back together who now has eyes for a cute blender in the Sears store.
This summary was generously donated by Joey Deines. If it stinks, blame him.
The Sliders fly out of the vortex, with arrows coming out as well. Quinn bitches to Wade about smiling at a guy, because he's the only one she should smile at. Arturo (the smart guy) points out that smiling at that guy is what made the people shoot arrows at them anyway. The Sliders then realize that they'd spent so much time on Nymphomaniac World, they'd lost track of time, and it's now Christmas. They see a Dracula-looking chapel which Wade thinks is beautiful and decide to give thanks (for what? we may never know). Arturo tries to steal a lollipop from a baby, but the baby is attached to it. So Arturo takes the baby as well (now do you see why he's called "Professor"?) The Sliders then go to a mall because Wade wants to spend their money. They find the mall is floating in the clouds, so Quinn, Wade, and Rembrandt decide to leave Arturo behind so the mall doesn't come crashing down to the ground. After they are assured he will not, Arturo comes with. They find that people live in this mall too (gives new meaning to the term "Mallrats"). The Sliders try to get some food, but are out of money because Wade just bought some clothes. So they decide to get a job at this mall, while looking for the baby's mother. They talk to Wade's sister, who is Leeta the Dabo Girl. She's also personnel manager. Arturo gets a job as Santa, and Quinn, Wade, and Remmy are his Elves. Their boss tells them that they make $100 a day, but can keep only $20 (just like Earth Prime, they must be home). Arturo, as Santa, tries to steal candy from the children, so he's fired. The Sliders find the baby's mother, and she gets her child back because she thinks Santa is delivering early. Then Quinn, Wade, and Remmy throw their boss over the side of the mall because they find out he was the manager of Hansen. Then they spend Christmas with Wade's sister, and Arturo eats all of her cookies.
BEST LINES:
"Try not to stand between the monitors and the kids."
The boss giving the Sliders instructions
"All I did was smile at him. I didn't know it would mean I'd have his kids."
Wade when the Sliders are attacked by natives
The following summary is by Mickey Jones. If it stinks, balme her.
The sliders land on a world where everyone dresses like secret service
agents, but without the sunglasses. The fashion police spot Arturo
wearing white after Labor Day, shoot him with a tranquilizer, and proceed
to give themselves hernias by carrying him off to the Betty Ford Center.
Meanwhile, every-world waiter Diggs (Yea!) informs the others about the
Professor getting busted. After a 30-minute debate, they decide to
rescue him after Rembrandt remembers that Arturo has all their major
credit cards. Back at the clinic, the doctors find no record of Arturo's
existence, but decide to treat him anyway just to waste taxpayer money.
They diagnose him as being overworked, over-stressed, and overweight.
A doctor that (IMO) looks like a Vulcan uses a hyped-up tuning fork to
hypnotize Arturo. He tells him he's not Professor Arturo anymore, but
"the famous detective Reginald Doyle" and ships him off to Universal
Studios' new "Sherlock Holmes" theme park. (Coming soon to your Earth
Prime!) The doctors think that by letting the Professor live in
the park and think he's someone else, it will give his brain time to
rest. At the park, Wade, Quinn, and Rembrandt meet aspiring actress
Erin. Together they get jobs as characters in the park, which is
designed to look like a old-fashioned English town. Rembrandt is a
bobby, Quinn is Miss Marple, and Wade plays a hooker. The trio finally
meets up with Arturo at the scene of a murder done by Jack the Zipper, a
killer who goes after the town's fair ladies. (But he's not really a
killer, see. It's all part of the treatment to make Arturo feel better.)
But when the sliders try to talk to the Professor, he says he's "Doyle.
Reginald Doyle." While at the crime scene, the youngest of the Brocks
from Picket Fences decides he wants a cell phone, so he picks the pocket
of the other boy genius and runs off. Quinn starts working on the case with the Professor, who's analyzing shoe
casts he lifted from the cobblestone streets. (I don't understand it
either) Later that night, after a show, Erin get's a secret admirer note
from the Zipper. Still thinking it's all a game, she happily trots of to
get murdered and, surprise! she does. (But it's real this time) Quinn,
Rembrandt, and Wade get a ransom note from the kid with the timer, who
they learn is a boy genius. They and Arturo go to meet the boy that
night. Arturo starts hitting on Wade. (Well, what did you expect?
She's playing a hooker!) They almost get run down by someone in a
Scotland Yard company stagecoach. Wade sprains her right ankle running
from the coach, so Arturo carries her back to his place to play doctor.
Quinn somehow magically finds Trevor (the boy), who explains that he
somehow magically figured out that the timer opens a "mousehole" to other
dimensions, just by taking it apart and putting it back together again.
(Must be a boy genius thing) Arturo figures out who the killer is and
goes to the Yard to confront the Vulcan. He uses a mind-meld to try to
re-hypnotize the Professor, who's true colors are starting to shine
through. (And we all know what that's like!) The Vulcan sends a guy
named Dr. Dunghill to arrest Quinn and Rembrandt, leaving him free to
have his way with Wade. She gets away by kicking him with her right foot
(yes, that's the one she sprained) and then runs away, limping on her
left foot. Trevor warns Remmy, who goes to save Wade from the Evil
Vulcan, who is taking a surprisingly long amount of time to catch her.
Rembrandt saves her and the sliders somehow meet up in the exact same
spot at the exact same time with a few seconds left until they slide.
Wade opens the wormhole about 7 feet off the ground, and they run up
these invisible steps to it. (I'm serious, it really did look like that)
Quinn tells Trevor he can come with them if he wants. Trevor tells him
that he doesn't need to because he built his own sliding machine years
ago and is actually a member of the Kromagg Dynasty. The episode ends
with Trevor vowing to come and find them someday.
The sliders arrive on a world where Egypt rules everything (Like Bill Gates). Wade and Quinn rescue a young woman from being eaten by a giant a giant dung beetle and are taken away by the police for their troubles. Quinn is taken to a hospital where the doctors kill him, and Wade is taken to the pyramid to be used as a crunchy treat for the sacred mutant seven foot long scarab. Quinn has a really freaky out of body experience where we meets his dad and plays football. Arturo, in the meantime, breaks Wade out of the clutches of the police and run to the hotel where Rembrandt tells them that Quinn was killed. Quinn, in the meantime, is brought back to life by a supermodel who is also a doctor. It seems that the American Egyptians want to know about the afterlife. Quinn tells them that it sucks so he and the doctor run out to find the other sliders. Unbeknowst to Quinn and the doctor, but knowst to us, the other sliders went to the pyramid to save the young woman. The young woman tell them about the afterlife experiments and the other sliders decide to miss the slide and save Quinn. Unfortunately, the need to be saved quickly falls on Wade, Rembrandt, and Arturo when they are sealed in the pyramid with that big-ass bug. With Quinn on the outside trying to get in, Rembrandt, Arturo, and Wade finds the pyramid architect who tells them about a secret passage to the outside before he is pulped by the scarab. After watching the scarab eat the architect and yelling "awesome!" for a few minutes, the trapped sliders find their way to the computer room. Quinn and the doctor go to the architect's house and finds out about the secret passage. They also find the architect's other way out of the pyramid - a timer. The new timer in hand, Quinn and the doc make their way to the pyramid's secret opening and rescue the other sliders. The sliders use the new timer to slide and the evil pharoh who killed Quinn in the first place is turned into scarab chow.
Best lines...
Success covers many evils.
--Cyreb
Been there, done that, let's go!
--Quinn after the doctor tells him they might have died.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh (crunch crunch crunch)"
-- Final words of Cyreb.
The sliders land on a world where Quinn falls in love with a girl named Laurie who is looking for her missing partner who is... uh... missing. I guess. Anyway, Upon reaching a nearby city, Arturo and Quinn force Rembrandt and Wade to work in a Kathie Lee Gifford sweatshop to earn some cash. Quinn and Arturo continue searching for Laurie's missing partner realizing more and more that the small town of Paradise is kinda freaky and spooky (Like Mayberry, just not as annoying). Quinn and Laurie pick up some weird seismic activities and go skipping away together. Later that night, Wade is stalking a restaurateur, when she happens upon a weird ceremony where the town folk eat some blue glowing crap that makes them immortal. Among the crowd, Wade spots Liz Taylor, Elvis, Dick Clark, and Duncan McCloud. Wade is caught by the restaurateur when she asks for Elvis's autograph. Meanwhile, Arturo stumbles out of a bar stinkin' drunk ad wanders onto a beach where he is pulled underground by something that looks like Bugs Bunny when he digs underground. The restaurateur grows smitten with Wade and lets his guard down for a split second. She kick his ass and runs away. When Quinn, Wade, Rembrandt, and Laurie finally get back together, they learn from and ancient old crone that there is this big ass worm that lives on the beach that eats people and craps out this blue crap that the town folk eat to stay forever young. Quothe the raven: Ewwwwww! When the sliders go to the cave where the worm lives, they see that Arturo is still alive, encased in Renoylds wrap to keep him fresh and that Laurie's partner is... well... happily digesting. After rescuing the portly proff and a really bitchin' shootout, the worm eats the bad guy and dies of sever flatulence.
Best Lines...
"We four are all the kin we have."
-Arturo
"Time to put a slug on the barbie."
- Quinn
Upon arriving on a new world, the sliders witness a GM truck get hit with a baseball and explode. The sole survivor gets out of the flaming truck and tells Arturo that the world is going to be char-broiled by a pulsar. Shortly after that, an army chick named Maggie Beckett (no relation) rides up and tries to place the sliders under arrest but when Quinn tells her that her shoes are untied, the sliders manage to sneak away while she is checking. Maggie comes after the sliders with a vengeance and arrests them in an IHOP where the professor is so gorged with blueberry waffles that he can't move. Maggie takes the sliders to an army base where the sliders meet Corneal Rickman, a better-than-you army dude, and Maggie's husband, Jenson, confined to a wheelchair after Dennis Rodman kicked him during a basketball game. Jenson convinces Quinn to help him develop sliding technology so that a small number of people can escape to a safer place with better real estate value. In return, he gives Quinn the ability to track wormholes. Meanwhile, people all over the base begin dropping like flies falling into comas, among them is the parents of a young boy named Malcom Eastman whom Rembrandt befriends. The sliding technology developed, Quinn and Maggie begin scouting parallel earths to escape to. They almost get eaten by a rabbit on "Holy Grail" world and get taken prisoner by Maggie's counterpart on another. They manage to escape later after telling Maggie's Counterpart that her shoes were untied. Meanwhile, Rickman tells Wade that the only people that are to be saved are the people on the base, or at least the biggest butt-kissers. He tells Wade to assemble a list of 140 of the best butt-kissers on the base so that they may go with them. Meanwhile, Quinn and Maggie end up on Earth Prime and meet up with Quinn's mom. Unfortunately, during a teary reunion, Quinn blows a fart and causes Maggie to choke. Quinn, with no other choice at hand, opens the wormhole and leaves his mom so upset that she doesn't even notice the "To Be Continued..." sign that appears on her face.
Best Lines...
"It's like sliding with Patton!"
-Quinn about Maggie
Quinn and Maggie make it back to the base and tells the other sliders that they have found Earth Prime and that the co-ordinates is on Rickman's timer. After a brief celebration, things turn nasty when Quinn refuses to let the sliders go home until the base personnel is safe. Rembrandt kicks Quinn's ass and then Wade kicks Quinn's ass. Then everyone gets pissed and walk off. Rickman in the meantime pressures Wade to narrow down the butt-kisser's list and Rembrandt pressures her to put Malcom's name on the list. To satisfy both sides, Wade tells Rembrandt to give Malcom lessons in butt-kissing. Later, when Wade goes through Rickman's personal belongings and trinkets, she finds several viles of brain fluid. She begins to think that Rickman is responsible for the sudden outbreak of comas. Quinn and Maggie, in the meantime find an Earth that is inhabited by characters from the BC comic strip. Deciding that this world would be easily conquered, Maggie decides that BC earth will be their new home. When the news is delivered to Rickman, he orders everyone to the wormhole. Arturo finds out that the wormhole can transport as many as 400 butt-kissers, but Rickman is unwilling to let that many go through. Arturo threatens to tattle on him as he storms off, but Rickman stabs him with a needle and begins sucking his brain out. Fortunately, Rembrandt and Wade come along and stop him. Rickman runs away and is so pissed he shoots Jenson for no good reason. Malcom sees this and runs away. Later, a groggy Arturo is visited by the other sliders who decide to stop being so pissed at each other. Suddenly, Rickman locks the door trapping the sliders in the hospital as he prepares to slide with the rest of the army guys. Thanks to Quinn's quick thinking, the sliders are able to blow down the door by combining Pop-Rocks and Dr. Pepper and shaking them up. Malcom tattles on Rickman to the sliders. As they race to kick the crap out of Rickman, Rickman pulls out a gun and tries to shoot Quinn. Arturo sees this and tries to run. Unfortunately, in his stupefied state, he runs in the wrong direction and gets shot. He dies as Rickman escapes. His final words are, "You BLISTERING IDIOTS!!!" The sliders get underground as the pulsars waste the surface. They slide just before Earth goes boom. When the sliders tell Maggie that Rickman blew her hubby away, she turns beat red and steam starts shooting out of her ears. "Let me at 'em!" she screams. Unfortunately, Rickman kicks Quinn's ass and escapes again. As the episode comes to an end, Quinn, Wade, Rembrandt, and the new slider: Maggie make a solemn vow to find Rickman and torture him by making him watch Millennium over and over and over and over and over and over...
Best Lines...
"Get back... because... I'm afraid... this MIGHT EXPLODE!!!"
-Quinn using the oxygen canister to escape
"Get them home!"
-Arturo
On a world where Richard Simmon's Deal-a-Meal program went terribly wrong and turned the population into a bunch of man-eating zombies, Quinn is bitten on the leg. Seeking help, the sliders happen upon the shelter of Debra, a woman who seems to be immune to the Deal-a-Meal system. She tells the sliders that Quinn's bit is going to turn him into a zombie in a few hours, so she and the sliders take Quinn to a hospital where he tries to find a cure, all while Rembrandt and Wade go back to fix Debra generator so she can catch re-runs of The X Files. Maggie and Quinn get themselves trapped by Dr. Tassler who has been affected by the Deal-a-Meal program but is staying relatively sane due to a high intake of twinkies and ho-hos. While Maggie argues with him, Quinn goes into zombie high-gear and decides to eat her. (Un)fortunately, Maggie gets away thanks to Dr. Tassler who says he can use Debra blood to create a cure. Meanwhile, Wade has a nervous breakdown that sets her characterization back several light-years, but she does manage to find Richard Simmon's original Deal-a-Meal blueprints for the purpose of plot development. Quinn escapes and decides to hunt down Debra by himself... of course, by now he's realized that eating people is just plain wrong. Quinn goes to Debra's hideout which is being overrun by the zombies and fixes the generator by flipping on the "on" switch, and Rembrandt and Wade finally show up just as the danger's over. Quinn gets the blood sample from Debra and takes the Deal-a-Meal blueprints from Wade. He takes the sample back to Dr. Tassler and then decides that maybe eating people isn't such a bad thing after all. This prompt's Maggie to kick his ass. Eventually, Dr. Tassler cures Quinn and himself. Eager for an action-packed ending, the writers have zombies kidnap Debra and the sliders have to go into the old Slide Like an Egyptian sets and get her. Of course, they save Debra and Maggie leaves that world a lot happier since she got to shoot a lot of people.
BEST LINES:
"I feel like I'm trapped in a bad Roger Corman movie."
"Are their any other kind?"
- Wade and Maggie
"Didn't he used to be a little bit more mature?"
"No."
- Rembrandt and Wade talking about the last faint cries of the first season Quinn
"Looks like Bennish's room back in college."
Quinn observing the pot plants in Debra's shelter.
"Guess you won't bite no one else sucka!"
- Rembrandt doing his Shaft impression.
Maggie is french kissed by one of those pancake things from the Star Trek episode, Operation: Annihilate!. On the next world, she begins foaming at the mouth and barking like a dog, so the sliders call some paramedics who use freezing guns to turn her into a bitch-cicle. At the hospital. the sliders learn that Maggie has something in her stomach. Of course, while staring at the x-rays, Maggie wakes up and waltzes out the door. The sliders track Maggie down who is, by now, wondering why her mouth tastes like molasses. Taking her back to the hospital, Quinn and Wade are picked up by the organ donor program and fitted with these little blinky-things on their hands (just like in Logan's Run!) Rembrandt learns that this world has a mandatory organ donor program and that if the little blinky-things go off, you are forced to give up whatever organs the elite members of the government need (in the case of Ted Kennedy, it's the liver). Maggie throws herself at Rembrandt who doesn't notice anything odd until a worm comes out of Maggie's mouth. He gets scared and runs to Wade and Quinn at the hospital where he tells them about Maggie's.... (ahem).... desires. The doctor tells the sliders she wants the thing in Maggie's stomach and that she'll pay lots of cash for it so they go out looking for her. Maggie, in the meantime, takes to barhopping. Looking for the perfect man to.... (ahem) Maggiefy. Instead, she just decides to break some guy's arm. She then goes to a sauna, gets naked, and kills a security guard just for the hell of it. Worried about staying in shape, Maggie then goes to a gym... where he gets naked (again) and kills someone else. Wade finds Maggie but faints when Maggie pushes her up against a wall setting her character back another few parsecs. Maggie then walks into the men's steamroom (still naked of course) and boinks some guy. When Quinn walks in, she kicks his ass (still naked... ho-hum). Quinn and Rembrandt eventually find Maggie and freeze her. They take her to the hospital where they coax the little worm thing out by making Maggie watch Electric Twister Acid Test. The worm goes down the throat of the evil doctor and the sliders slide away with a now-normal Maggie (still naked).
BEST LINES...
"I want you baby!"
- Maggie. (This is bad acting at it's worse)
"I reproduce"
- Maggie, when asked, "What do you do?"
FOX screws up episode continuity when it airs an episode featuring Arturo after he dead! What a bunch of morons! Rembrandt and Arturo are stuck by thorns after they exit the wormhole and Quinn and Wade fall all over themselves laughing at them. The slider happen upon a group of stupid-looking and rather unfriendly natives with spears and just when it looks like things couldn't get any worse, a giant and convenient earthquake comes along and sucks Wade, some poor girl and her baby underground. After digging for an hour, Arturo, Rembrandt, and Quinn strike oil, find gold, and discover an ancient fossilized UFO.... but no Wade. To make matters worse, the natives have a union and refuse to help dig on their coffee break. Wade in the meantime, having miraculously yet unrealistically escaped injury from a five mile fall, wakes up and realizes that she is not alone! Oooooooo!!! The male sliders happen upon one of the native who Quinn beats up to get his to help them. Gegan, he is called, reveals that the woman and the baby who were sucked underground with Wade is his sister and niece. He leads them to a giant hole in the ground that leads to the place where Wade is at and Quinn bravely, yet abet foolishly allows himself to be lowered down the hole by a thin rope. Arturo, Remmy, and Gegan get captured by the natives and Quinn is left alone in the hole amid the old The Fire Within sets. Later, Arturo and Rembrandt get a nice hotel room and complain about the scratches they got from the rose bushes. Rembrandt soon grows tired of the professor and hits him. Quinn, in the meantime, finds out the old Fire Within sets are being used to keep the above-ground native from getting sucked under by earthquakes. Wade, finds out their are cannibals underground... possibly the extras used in Sole Survivors. She finds the baby, which has also miraculously yet unrealistically escaped injury, in the care of a mama cannibal. Quinn finds her and they both become a two-course meal in the eyes of the cannibals... yet thanks to another one of those convenient earthquakes, Quinn manages to save Wade, save the baby, and run to safety... that is, until one of the cannibals bonks him on the head leaving poor defeswess Wade all by her wittle self. With Quinn supposedly unconscious, the cannibals go to sleep... but wait! This is no ordinary Quinn... it's SUPERQUINN!!! Yes, SuperQuinn! Faster than an Electric Twister, more powerful than a Manta Ship, able to leap tall wormholes in a single bound! SuperQuinn is able to kill twenty zombies with a single toss of a rock and save Wade, the baby, and Rembrandt and Gegan who went underground with no particular plan at all. SuperQuinn flies everyone above ground to safety and rescues the professor while he's at it. The whole gang then slides away with all well in the world but if trouble should ever rear it's ugly head again... SUPERQUINN will be there!!!
BEST LINES
"With your fist, you bonehead!"
- Arturo when Rembrandt asks what he should knock him out with.
After the sliders land on a new world, Maggie cuts a fart that blankets an entire valley in a noxious cloud of gas that chokes the entire group. They finally manage to scramble to the safety of the Paradise Lost sets, where they meet the weird one-eyed chick Adra who tells them to beware! "Death lives in the fog!" (What a stretch.) She also tells them to beware of the Foggin's who live in the fog with (Dum-Dah-Dum) Rickman!!! At Adra's house they meet that delightful little retard from Sling Blade who leads them to the edge of the fog. Maggie runs right into it with no particular plan at all and faints. Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) comes up to gloat and explain why he doesn't look like Roger Daltrey anymore. Quinn finally has to go in a haul her out. Later on that night, Wade gets peeved (something about Maggie, I think) and runs off where she is captured by (Dum- Dah-Dum!) Rickman!!! He lets her go, though, when he finds out how whiny she's gotten this season. This pisses off Quinn "No, Maggie, Don't Go Into the Fog" Mallory who goes into (you guessed it) the fog along with Maggie and gets (you guessed it) captured by the much dreaded Foggin's and (Dum-Dah-Dum) Rickman!!! Later that day, Wade and Rembrandt get some homemade moonshine from that little retard from Sling Blade and wanders off into the fog in a drunken stupor. In the Foggin's camp, Quinn meet the leader of the Foggin's who is, in reality.... the smarter Quinn from the pilot episode. Quite a twist huh? Betcha didn't see that one coming! It seems Smarter Quinn accidentally gave the Kromaggs the sliding technology. (I guess if they did kidnap Mary as a child, she's mighty big for her age). Anyways, cannon or not, Smarter Quinn has Maggie striped (ho- hum), let's Rickman slide away, and taunts our Quinn. This costs Smarter Quinn several points in our Quinn's book and, in typical 3rd season Quinn fashion, a fight ensues. Wade and Rembrandt stumble drunkenly into the Foggin's camp and when Wade projectile vomits, the Foggin's mistake her for the goddess Uptachuckess. They let the entire gang slide and give Smarter Quinn a time out to think about what he's done.
BEST LINES....
"So you were aiming?"
- Wade to Rembrandt
"Something was hit. Let's just hope it was short with an English accent."
- Rembrandt
"Oh no.... not again."
- Maggie when she is striped half-naked with her breasts hanging out.
"This is where it all started... just an equation on the wall. God knows were it will lead
us.... what horrors."
- Smarter Quinn
On a trip down the Amazon to photograph a lost tribe, the sliders happen upon the guy from the Mission: Impossible movie who's real intention is to hunt the giant mythical Anaconda snake of.... no, wait..... sorry, wrong plot.
Foolishly thinking that a vacation to a third world drug producing country would be relaxing, Quinn and Rembrandt have to hitch a plane ride with a young Bajoran woman named Kira, carrying a couple of rare snakes to the United States. One of the snakes goes to the cockpit, chokes the pilot and crashes the plane. In the meantime, Wade and Maggie find out about the crash, steal a plane, fly to drug country, and begin searching for their chums. Quinn, Remmy, and Kira survive the crash and one of the two snakes escapes and begins stalking them since they carrying the female snake. Wade and Maggie arrive in drug country and befriend Carlos, a friend of Kira who goes with them on the search. Quinn, Kira, and Rembrandt happen upon a tabacco field and are almost killed by drug lords until the escaped snake rescues them by dropping on the gunmen and making them have heart attacks but not before (of course) Quinn gets to beat one up and rip his shirt a bit. The trio makes it to a quaint Mexican village full of Millennium fans who try to kill them. They barely escape with their lives and continue to no place in particular with a snake/bad hand puppet right on their tail. The snake/bad hand puppet calls the other snakes in for a Sliders convention and soon Quinn, Remmy, and Kira are up to their necks in snakes. Snakes! And even more snakes! They manage to get into a conveniently abandoned house and hold up as best they can. Wade finds out that Carlos is a bad guy and Maggie beats the crap out of him. Maggs tries to ditch him in Millenniumtown and let the village folk tear him limb from limb. Wade feels sorry for him and puts his unconscious butt in the truck to be used as a plot point later as he wakes up when the ladies find out where Quinn and Remmy are at and takes them prisoner. It turns out that Carlos and Kira are in cahoots to sell the snakes on the black market. Of course, after a few minutes, the snakes figure out that the episode is almost over with, so they break down the door and kill Carlos, The sliders slide, The two supernatural snakes are reunited, and Kira returns to Deep Space Nine.
BEST LINES...
"Unfortunatly, I don't think you'll be able to collect for quite some time."
Maggie, after she knees a guy in the crotch who wanted her to pay for the plane with sex.
"Personally, I don't care if you sleep with Jack the Ripper."
Wade to a lusty Maggie
"The only thing that makes me edgy is you."
Wade to Maggie... same conversation.
"I get the distinct feeling that it ain't your head that's doing your thinking right now!"
Rembrandt to Quinn about the Chick of the Week
"I guess we've finally found something we have in common. When it comes to the opposite sex, we can't trust our instincts."
- Maggie to Quinn. (Considering these two ended up together, I'd say that's a very true statement.)
Due to a lack of tasty compatible DNA, Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) is forced to return to the world where all of the refuges from The Exodus ended up. The sliders follow him there and find the colonist's camps in shambles due to a big Tyrannosaurus Rex running around and feasting on all of the little screaming pink things running around. While the sliders are trying to figure out what's going on, Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) goes attacks one of the colonists. Before he can get a hearty helping of home-cooked DNA, the T-Rex trods along and he runs away. The colonist wakes up and falls in a hole. The T-Rex gets mad and storms off to his trailer. The Sliders follow the colonist's girly screams and rescues him. Quinn and Maggie go off after Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) , and the colonist directs Wade and Rembrandt to their new camp where Remmy is reunited with little Malcolm Eastman and his new adopted mommy Gretchen. Quinn and Maggie, in the meantime has a run-in with the T-Rex and hide in a cave. Malcolm explains that the cavemen Maggs and Quinn saw the first time are all dead due to an lethal outbreak of cooties and that the dinosaurs in the area are all dead except for the Rex. He then makes Rembrandt eat Kentucky fried lizard which is ten times worse than the worms Maggie makes Quinn eat. The next day, Quinn and Maggie find another colonist's camp and get an extra they can take along to get killed. Malcolm and Remmy watch some shmuck get eaten whole in a spectacular and expensive CGI sequence. Quinn and Maggie's extra gets his brains sucked out by Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) , who escapes despite Maggie's (rolls eyes) highly precise shooting skills. They track (Dum-Dah-Dum) Rickman to another cave where they get cornered by a Rickman caused cave-in (Dum-Dah-Dum) and the hungry T-Rex. Malcolm, Wade, and Remmy arrive just in time to see Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) slide away. They foolishly get the T-Rex to chase them to a big hole in the ground allowing the trapped sliders a chance to get away. The dinosaur finally gets bored and eats the director and camera crew instead. Back at the village, the sliders devise a way to terminate the T-Rex with a home-made cannon to be shot out of the cave they were trapped in the first time. The T-Rex sticks his head in the cave, and when the cannon doesn't work, the sliders just decide to fed Maggie to the Rex which chokes on her implants, spits her out, and dies. The sliders run into Malcolm who tells them that the fiendish Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) has slid back and kidnapped Gretchen. The sliders develop an ill-conceived plan to ambush the dastardly corneal, and, of course, Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) sees right through it and kicks Quinn's ass. He slides, Gretchen gets away, and Maggie still doesn't seem able to shoot straight. After a few good-byes, the sliders leave just before the Kromaggs invade.
"Isn't there anything she doesn't think of killing? ...... What?"
- Wade on Maggie.
"He's got the scent.... let's go!"
- Wade (I love the way she said this)
Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) puts on a priest's outfit to more discreetly suck out his victim's brains. This causes boycotts from Southern Baptists and the Trinity Network. Meanwhile, Wade gets hit on the head, dresses like a prostitute and becomes a groupie for a group of bad singers called "Stoker". The writers, per lack of talent, let Wade sing to kill a few minutes. The lead singer of "Stoker" hears her and asks her to join the band which she does and becomes a sensation, seriously making Quinn jealous when she ditches him. When Quinn runs off to go pout, he meets Tommy Chong who tells him that the singers in "Stoker" are actually vampires. Despite the pungent smell of marijuana in Mr. Chong's station wagon, Quinn decides to go along and stake a few "Stokers" for the hell of it. (Un)fortunately, the vampires are light sleepers and decide to rip Chong limb from limb. Quinn beats a few of them up, rips his shirt, and runs away. In the meantime, Stoker's lead singer hypnotizes Wade into getting him the timer so all the vampires can slide away and get a little new blood on new worlds. While all this is going on, Maggie finally tracks down Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) who is apparently just as bad a shot as she is. After a small gunfight, Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) slides away and Maggie joins Rembrandt and Quinn in rescuing Wade. The sliders bust into the vamipires hideout and Quinn tricks the head vampire into driving his motorcycle into a six foot wooden stake that he had behind his back. Wade and Quinn make up and the sliders slide away.
BEST LINES
"The most famous bloodsucker we had here was named Nixon."
- Chong
"We've seen a lot of things Q-ball, but I'm having a lot of trouble with this."
- Rembrandt about this episode
"That sucked!"
- A vampire who got staked.
The sliders land in the ocean (giving the writers a chance to put Maggie in a wet T-shirt) and discover that they are on a world where California has broken up into a bunch of itty-bitty islands. Pretty soon, the monster of the week, a hairy animal guy, shows up and begins chasing them. Quinn gets tired of running and decides to beat it up. meanwhile Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) goes around and gets DNA from all the little animal dudes changing his appearance into that of a stupid looking werewolf. Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) joins up with the head monster, Ceries, and decides to get the sliders before they get him. The sliders, in the meantime, get really tired of all of those pesky monsters jumping out of the trees and onto Quinn's back. They meet a catwoman named Alexandra who takes them to the heavily fortified house of Dr. Vargas. On the way, Quinn looses the timer and Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) finds it. After being let in by Daniel the monkey man, the sliders soon discover that Vargas is the creator of the little hybrid monsters running around the island and is quiet probably insane (that's a stretch). Alexandra and Daniel the monkey man are the only sane people on the entire island. That night, Alexandra and Daniel the monkey man advise the sliders to get out of Dodge and get into the forest which they do (Stupid move, huh?). The sliders walk right into Rickman's trap and... oh wait. Sorry... (Dum-Dah-Dum) ...anyway, Quinn, Wade, and Maggie walk right into his trap and Rembrandt runs back to the insane Dr. Vargas for help. At Vargas' pad, Rickman discovers that Alexandra get the snot kicked out of her for helping out the sliders, so he gets pissed and decides to kick his ass. Halfway to Vargas's lab, he changes his mind and asks to borrow some more guns. Vargas agrees to give Remmy the guns in exchange for some of his DNA and both of them, along with Daniel the monkey man go off to rescue the sliders from Rick... (Dum-Dah-Dum) ...man. The hybrids attack, Vargas runs away, Daniel the monkey man is turned into Daniel the inside-out monkey man, Rembrandt rescues the sliders, Quinn rips his shirt, Maggie's boobs flop out, Wade steals Rickman's timer, and Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) cries like a little baby. Rembrandt runs back to Vargas's compound to rescue Alexandra. There, the dastardly doctor traps him and threatens to genetically make him into a pussy cat. Soon, the hybrids finally decide to overrun Vargas's estate, and in all of the confusion Rembrandt escapes, Alexandra decides to stay behind, Vargas is pulped by Ceries, Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) finds out where the sliders ran off to, and Quinn rips his shirt. Rembrandt rejoins his compatriots on a cliff just in time to see Maggie and Quinn locked at the lips in a great big gooey French kiss and with Rickman's timer, they open a (supposed) gateway to Earth Prime. When the hybrids and Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) show up, all hell breaks loose... Quinn pushes Wade and Remmy into the red vortex and supposedly sends them home, Quinn rescues Maggie from the approaching hybrids, Rickman (Dum-Dah-Dum) makes a ill-timed and ill-thought out jump for the wormhole and ends up splattered on the jagged rocks below, Quinn rips his shirt, Maggie shows her boobs, they both slide and accidentally end up in the future. ...the hell!?
Alexandra saves the sliders from the hybrids. Rembrandt saves the sliders from Rickman. Rembrandt saves Alexandra from Vargas. Quinn saves Maggie from the hybrids. Sci-Fi Channel saves Sliders from FOX. Thank God!
PSUEDO BEST LINE...
"Rickman! Stop licking yourself!"
- Sorry, I couldn't resist!
Click here to go to Season Four
Click Here to return to The Slightly Warped Sliders Page.