"Since The World is Hollow, I Must Have Touched the Ground" (The inevitable Star Trek: The Next Generation - Sliders Crossover) Chapter Two: "The Wade of the Warrior" If you have not read chapter one of this story yet, what are you doing!? This is chapter two, go back and read chapter one you big silly! Anyway, during the last chapter of this story, the Sliders are shocked to discover that the wormhole has transported them 300 years into the future onto the bridge of the USS Enterprise (1701-D). Picard believes that the Sliders are dangerous intruders until Quinn convinces him otherwise. After the sliders are released from the brig the ship is attacked by the Borg and Quinn is kidnapped by a scouting party. The Enterprise gives chase and eventually catches up with the Borg only to discover Quinn has been assimilated and has become much like Locutus. Picard is now conversing with, "Q-Ball of Borg". Picard: Umm.... Will you excuse us for just a second? Q-Ball: Delays are irrelevant. You will be assim... Worf: Channel closed. Arturo: What in God's name have they done to him!? Picard: Don't worry! It happened to me once and I'm fine now. Wade: I want my Quinn back!!! Rembrant: Don't worry Wade, I'm sure Captain Picard will think of something. He seems very brave. Riker: Haven't you been paying attention, you Las Vegas reject!? Worf: I suggest we beam on board the Borg ship and get medieval on their asses! Data: "Medieval on their asses"? Picard: It's too dangerous Worf! Worf: But it has the best chance of success! Data: Ah! To beat up with excessive ferocity. Made famous in the movie... Wade: Shut up Data! [All eyes shift toward Wade who shrugs] Picard: As much as I hate to admit it, Worf, I agree with you. Worf: But captain, if we fight we... You agree with me!? Picard: Commander Riker, assemble your away team and board the Borg craft. Riker: Yes sir. Uh, permission to bring Young Miss Wells along for plot advancement sir. Picard: By all means. Riker: Worf, Data, Wade... Let's move 'em out. Wesley: What about me? Riker: What about you!? Wesley: I wanna go. Riker: Captain? Picard: It would put Ensign Crusher in numerous life-threatening situations. Riker: Understood sir. Come on Wesley. Down in the transporter room, all the members of the away team are getting ready to transport. Data hands a phaser to Wade who looks at it and accidentally blows a hole in the ceiling. She hides the phaser behind her back before Riker can turn around. Riker: What was that? Wade: What was what? Riker: (after a shunning look) Is everyone ready? Data: Fully functional. Wesley: Oh, goody! Worf: Permission to sedate the boy commander? Riker: Denied. Later maybe. Wade: (Stepping on the transporter pad) Oh, uhh... Commander Riker? Riker: Yes? Wade: I meant to ask, what does "beam over" mean? Riker: I don't want to go into the details, but I'm sure Wesley could brief you. Wade: Ick! No. I'll just find out on my own. Wesley: Meany. Riker: (To nameless and doomed transporter chief) Energize Mr. Unger. Chief: But my name is Jacobs sir. Riker: DON'T ARGUE WITH ME MISTER UNGER!!! Chief: Y-Y-Yes sir! Energizing sir! The away team disappear in a swirl of lights and sound effects. A look of horror and fascination crosses Wade's face as she mouths the words, "What the fu--!?" and vanishes. Chief: JACOBS! -- you pompous fat ass! The scene changes to Ten Forward as Rembrant and Arturo share a drink. Arturo: I never thought it would end like this. Rembrant: What do you mean professor? Arturo: The sliding. Here we are, on a spaceship... in the future... battling Barges. Rembrant: Borg. Arturo: Whatever. We've already lost Quinn, now we are about to loose Miss Wells. Rembrant: Oh, come on professor. It's not over! It can't be. Guinan: This is just another chapter in your journey. Arturo: YAAAAAH! My dear woman! Stop sneaking up on me like that!!! Guinan: Life is full of chapters gentlemen. Some chapters make sense, others don't. Some you will like, some you won't. But sometimes it is helpful to look in the index and if that doesn't work, buy the book on tape. Arturo: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're... Guinan: Friends are like that silica stuff that comes with stereo equipment. It says, "Do not eat", but everyone already knows NOT to eat it. Friends are like that. Arturo: What are you talking about? Guinan: I once knew a man named Boris Downings, he ate his shoe once. I don't know why he did it though. Guinan leaves leaving a very confused Arturo and Rembrant at the table. The camera follows her until she gets to the bar. In the background, Troi enters. Troi: Guinan, I need some advice. Guinan: About what dear? Troi: Should I keep wearing that blue uniform? I think it makes me look fat. Guinan: You can fool some of the people some of the people all of the time or all of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. Troi: Go with the blue. Gotcha. Troi leaves as Beverly enters. Crusher: Guinan, should I let Wesley get his own quarters? Guinan: Mamma always said "Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Crusher: Keep him at home. Thanks Guinan. Beverly leaves as LaForge enters. LaForge: Guinan, that Leah Brahms program on the holodeck still won't put out. Guinan: You're a pathetic loser Gerodi. LaForge: Keep trying. Wow! Thanks Guinan. He leaves. Guinan quietly mouths the word, "asshole". The scene changes to Riker, Wade, Data, Worf and the boy roaming through the Borg ship. Riker looks frustrated. Riker: I'm so frustrated! I can't believe we've been looking through this friggin' ship for an hour and still haven't found Quinn yet. Wade: Maybe if we ask one of these guys. (Motions to Borg) Riker: Are you nuts!? Wade: (ignoring Riker) Excuse me. Borg: Politeness is irrelevant. Wade: Right, uh listen... We're looking for Quinn Mallory. Borg: Quinn Mallory is irrelevant. He is now the human voice of the collective, Q-Ball of Borg. Wade: Fine, where can we find "Q-Ball of Borg"? Borg: Down the hall, second door to the left. Wade: Thank you. Borg: Thanks are irrelevant. Wade: Whatever, let's go guys. Worf: The Borg actually told her where to go! I don't believe it! Wade: Even after 300 years, no matter how lost they are, men will not ask for directions. Riker: I'm impressed Miss Wells. I think this is the right door. Data: Yes sir. The door swings open, revealing about fifty Borgs surrounding the Bogified Quinn. All of the Borg swing their heads to the door in unison. Wade: Oops. ------------------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK Coming this fall to UPN it's "STAR TREK: GENERATION X" Starring Keanu Reeves and Christian Slater! Keanu: Space: big deal! Christian: Wanna go explore that strange new world over there? Keanu: Nah. It's new, it's unexpected, it's... well... a little boring. Christain: Activate the veiwscreen man. Keanu: Why? Christain: Beavis and Butt-Head are on! Keanu: Alright! Bonus! STAR TREK: GENERATION X! Premeiring this fall on UPN: the all-Star Trek network! Right after "Star Trek: After Hours", and "Star Trek: The Outlaw Years" ------------------------------- Q-Ball: Intruders are on the ship. Capture them. Assimilate them. Wade: Quinn! It's me, Wade! Snap out of it! Borg: ASSIMILATE!! ASSIMILATE!! ASSIMILATE!! Data: Fascinating, it appears that the Borg are fans of "Doctor Who". Q-Ball: We ASSIMILATED Dr. Who! Data: Oh, well, that would explain it too. Wade: Quinn, listen to me!!! Q-Ball: We are Borg, resistance is futile! You will be assimilated! Worf: Wade, Commander, get behind me! Uhh, wait a minute... (counting away team) One... Two... Three... Are we missing someone? Riker: Who? Wesley: HELP!!! Worf: THE BOY!!! Wesley has been grabbed by about ten of the Borg and is being held down on an assimilation table. Several Borg approach with various mechanical doohickeys and begin attaching them to the screaming ensign. Data: This is indeed fortunate, I do not believe anyone has ever witnessed an assimilation firsthand! Riker: It is, in a way... (Riker searches for the word as Wesley screams) ...satisfying. Wade: Quinn! Don't do this! Q-Ball: We will assimilate the boy...then the Klingon...Then the Android...then Riker...then...no...no..I-I can't! Wade: That's it Quinn! Fight it! Q-Ball: I have to assimilate the Android and THEN the Klingon. Alphabetical order you know. Wade: Hey! Wesley has been completely borgified, the Borg step back as Wesley/Borg sits up on the table. Q-Ball: Connect him to the collective. (a pause) aaaaaaaaAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!! Riker: What the hell is happening? Data: It appears that connecting Ensign Crusher to the Collective has had unexpected results. Riker: But... Why? Worf: If someone was connecting Wesley to you, wouldn't you go nuts too? The fifty Borg begin screaming and banging their heads on the walls. It is pure pandemonium. Q-Ball: GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD!!! GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Wesley: I am Wesley of Borg. Annoyance is irrelevant. Riker: Worf, grab Wesley. Wade, let's grab Quinn! Riker and Wade grab Quinn and Worf grabs Wesley around the neck, but then grabs him around his waist when Riker shakes his head at him. Wade: Now what!? Riker: Enterprise! Beam the Away team directly to sickbay! Wade: Oh no, not agai-- Wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Beverly: Wesley! My God! Wesley: I'm all right mom, I've just got a big headache. Quinn: What the...!? Where am I? Why am I dressed like this? Wade: Quinn? Quinn: Wade? Riker: Worf? Worf: Riker? Crusher: Wesley? Wesley: Mommy? All: Data? Data: I am at a loss. Why are we saying each others name? Quinn: Will someone PLEASE explain what the hell has happened!? Wesley: (waving his arms) I know! I know! Data: Doctor, please sedate the boy. Crusher: All right, I need to knock him out anyway to surgically remove all these Borg implants. Wesley: (shot by hypo) We'll be... right... baaaaaaaack. ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Data: Thank you doctor. I felt it necessary to have Wesley sedated before I revealed my theory. Riker: Go on. Data: When the Borg Collective assimilated Wesley Crusher it was as if someone had placed destructive computer virus in their programming. Wesley's own annoying personality actually temporarily disabled the Borg collective. I suggest putting Wesley and Quinn in a level 5 containment field. Crusher: All right. (She puts Quinn and the unconscious and drooling Wesley in the field) But why? Data: As I said, the Borg ship was temporarily disabled. Riker: TEMPORARILY!? BOOM!!!!! SHAKE SHAKE!!!! BAM!!!! Picard: -- Number one! I need you, Data, Wesley, and Worf on the bridge! -- Riker: On our way sir! Data: (leaving) Doctor, keep Quinn and Wes in the containment field. It's the only thing that is keeping them from being influenced by the Borg! If you let him out, the Borg are most likely to destroy them by remote control. Several nurses and unnamed crewmembers hear this and begin trying to tempt Quinn to push Wesley out of the containment field. As Data leaves, Beverly sees what her staff is doing and shoos them away. She then goes to work removing the implants from Quinn and Wes. On the bridge, all hell is breaking loose. Three nameless ensigns are already dead. Picard: How are the shields, Mr. LaForge? LaForge: Bad. Picard: Could you be more specific please? LaForge: Tremendously bad. Data: (entering with Riker and Worf) Captain, the Borg have purged Wesley's personality from the collective, and now they are probably going to kill us. Picard: Oh, well thank you Mr. Data for that totally useless report. Mr. Worf, target the Borg ship. Worf: Target!? As in "prepare to shoot"? Picard: Yes. Worf: Hee Hee! Picard: FIRE!!! The Enterprise fires on the Borg ship with all it's might but the shots bounce off. One of the shots hits the Enterprise. Data: Captain! One of our phaser shots have bounced off the Borg ship and hit the Enterprise's Quasimodo Gincrich Array! Picard: What does that array control!? Data: The brig force shields... Suddenly, down in the brig, the force fields surge and vaporizes the nameless security officer. Data: ...and the transporter room. In the Transporter room, the transporter surges vaporizing transporter chief Jacobs. Picard: Ensign Ro! Get us out of here, Warp 9! Ro: Thank you so much for including me in this story sir. Data: The Borg ship is giving chase. Interception in 5 minutes. Picard: Well, I'm completely out of ideas. Troi: What a shock. Rembrant: I have an idea. Picard: What the...!? How the hell did you get here. Rembrant: Uh... I was looking for the john and... Worf: Permission to destroy the intruder sir. Picard: No Worf, let's hear what he has to say. Rembrant: Well, I had this concert in Saint Louis one time, and... Data: Concert? Rembrant: Yeah, I'm Rembrant "Crying Man" Brown. Didn't you know that? Worf: No Troi: No LaForge: No Picard: No Ro: No Riker: Yes. Uh... I mean, no. Rembrant: Ugh... Anyway, I was playing this concert in Saint Louis during those floods they had and... Picard: Floods? Data: Heavy downpours in the summer of 1993 produced massive flooding of the Mississippi river. Picard: I see. Go on Mr. Brown. Rembrant: Right, well during this concert, I was singing my hit, "Tears in My Fro" and... Picard: Fro? Mr. Data? Data: A hairstyle popular in the 1970's, It can be seen in the motion pictures of that era. "Shaft" for example. Troi: "Shaft"? Rembrant: Will you people shut the hell up!? Picard: Wha... Who are you again? Oh yeah. Go on Mr. Brown. Rembrant: While I was on stage, the flood waters came up and slammed this tree into the stage -- broke it into a million pieces. Picard: AND!!!??? Rembrant: This stage was indestructible! That tree hit it with enough force to shred it dude! Picard: I don't see how that will help us. LaForge: I do! And it's brilliant! Picard: Huh? LaForge: Think about it. The Borg can divert all of our weapons, our phasers, photons and so on. If we made a huge battering ram - like a tree trunk - the Borg would have no defense against it. Mr. Brown, you are an engineering marvel! Rembrant: Uh, yeah. Picard: Fine. Fine. What do we use for a battering ram? I seriously doubt that there are many trees growing in deep space. Worf: There is a large asteroid at bearing 728996789123*209758920.425423. Picard: Bearing 728... uh.. 243... Where? Worf: Over there sir. LaForge: If we grab it with a tractor beam and then release it in front of the Borg ship it should be enough to seriously damage them! Picard: Will it get them off our case? LaForge: Uh huh. Picard: Make it so! -------------------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK Do you enjoy the vocal talents of Clevant Derricks, otherwise known as Rembrant "Crying Man" Brown on "Sliders"? If you do, you must buy the new "Best of Rembrant Brown" CD collection from MCA/Universal Music! Just look at what you'll get! Tears in My Fro Cry Like a Man There's No Business Like Fro-business Frosty the Fro-Man Fro, Fro, Fro Your Boat Somewhere Over the Rain-Fro Tears in My Fro (The Dance Mix) AND MANY MORE! To get this album, just send $99.95 to: THE "BEST" OF REMBRANT BROWN Earth 113 Kro-Magg Dynasty, 90210 --------------------------------- In sickbay, Dr. Crusher is finishing removing the Borg implants from Quinn and her son as Wade and Arturo look on. Wade: How do you feel Quinn? Quinn: Like I've had my groin pulled out through my mouth. Wade: Uhh... Professor Arturo is here. Do you want to talk to him? Quinn: I really don't feel like... Arturo: What was it like my boy? Quinn: What was what like? Arturo: Being connected to an alien mind like the collective? What was it like? Quinn: It was like... so... kooky. Arturo: KOOKY!? You've been connected to the combined intelligence of billions and billions of advanced alien minds and the word you use to sum the experience up is kooky!? You blistering idiot!!! Quinn: It was better than saying, "thanks to the collective, I'm now 50 times smarter than you will ever be." Arturo: WHAT!? Quinn: I know about quantum singularities, stellar cartography, advanced symbiogenisis, and al sorts of cool stuff. Thanks to the combined intelligence of the collective. Wesley: It won't last. Quinn: What? Wesley: it won't last. The intelligence wears off in a few minutes. It happened to Captain Picard after his encounter. Arturo: (excited) Mr. Mallory, do you know about interdimentional coordinates? Quinn: Yeah. (excited) Yes! Yes, I do!!! Wade: What are you two so excited about? Quinn: Wade! I know how to control the slides now! If I can get the timer and adjust it before the Borg intelligence wears off, I can get us home! Wade: That's great! Who's got the timer. Arturo: That Jimmy LaRouge guy. Wesley; Geordi LaForge. Arturo; Whatever. He took it to engineering so he could figure out why it sent us to the future. Quinn: We have to get it from him, and quick! Where is Geordi LaForge right now!? LaForge: Captain, the Borg ship is closing. Interception in two minutes. Picard: Are we ready to implement Mr. Brown's plan Mr. Data? Data: Yes sir. The asteroid will be in range in 30 seconds. Rembrant: I can see the headlines now, "Crying man saves intergalactic spaceship from aliens"! Worf: Hush... you. Picard: Stop being such a bully Worf. Mr. Data are we in range? Data: We are now. Picard: Very well, grab the asteroid with the tractor beam! Worf: Grabbing sir! As the Enterprise zooms by the large asteroid, the tractor beams spring to life, dragging it along behind her. Worf: We got it! Picard: Very well, is it being held in front of the Borg ship. Worf: Yes. Picard: Are you ready Mr. Worf? Worf: Yes! (Picard is silent for a moment) Captain!? Can I ram this rock down their throats now? Picard: Not yet Mr. Worf, I must think of something dramatic to say first. Hopefully something from Shakespeare. Rembrant: Captain? Picard: What? Rembrant: How about, "Eat this"? Picard: Hmmmmm. Provocative, yet simple. Very well... ahem... (Picard stands up, straightens his uniform, and stretches. The music swells dramatically as the camera zooms in on Picard) EAT THIS! Riker: (wiping a tear from his eye) That was beautiful sir. Worf: Can I? Picard: "May I?" Worf: (impatient) MAY I!? Picard: You may. Worf: Releasing asteroid sir! The tractor beam cuts off hurling the asteroid towards the Borg ship. On the Borg bridge the Borg watches emotionlessly as their doom zooms closer. Borg: Crap. KA-BOOOOOM!!! The Borg cube goes boom. Rembrant: What did I tell you!? I told you it would work! Crying man saves the day! YES! Picard: Very good Mr. Brown. We owe you our thanks. Rembrant: Yeah, thanks and a quarter will buy you a cup of coffee. Let's talk about a nicer room, Jean... Can I call you Jean? Picard: No. Rembrant: Yeah, well I... Worf: CAPTAIN!!! Picard: I'm right in front of you Worf. Will someone please stop that ringing? Worf: I'm picking up a signal sir. Picard: From what source? Worf: It appears to be an automatic beacon in the rubble of the asteroid and the Borg ship. Riker: Data, could it be a Borg distress signal? Data: I do not believe it is sir. Riker: Why? Data: It is being carried on a type S variance wave with a mutltiphasal flabergastral array. Why, everyone knows that the Borg use a type G. Riker: Uhh... Ok. Sorry I asked. Picard: Very well, we will remain here until we determine what the signal is. Worf: Captain, if you ask me - and you haven't - I do not think it wise to stick around and wait for God-knows-what to waltz over and beat the living crap out of us. Picard: Worf do I detect a note of sarcasm in your voice? Worf: You do. Picard: Well, just for that we are going to stay here and fight! So there! Worf turns away and smiles broadly as he makes a "yes" maneuver. The bridge goes to red alert and various nameless ensigns line up at the science stations to get blown to bits. Meanwhile, Quinn and Wesley are recovering in sickbay. Wade and Arturo are there, as is Dr. Crusher. Suddenly, LaForge walks in with the timer. LaForge: Here it is Mr. Mallory. I brought it in as soon as I heard that you wanted it. Quinn: Thank you, I have to hurry if I'm going to fix this and get us home. Wade: Just in case the readers have forgotten Quinn, why do you have to hurry? Quinn: When I was assimilated by the Borg, the combined intelligence of the Collective was downloaded into my brain. Now I know how to fix the timer and send us home. However, I have to hurry before the intelligence wears off! LaForge: That's just great. Now, what do you have to do first? Quinn: I have to take the back cover off. Ugnnnnnnnngh! Ugnnnnnnnngh! Arturo: What's wrong my boy? Quinn: It's stuck! Arturo: What's stuck? Quinn: The back cover! It's stuck! It's got some sort off sticky stuff all over it. I... Oh, for crying out loud, it's a soda! Arturo: Mr. LaFudd! LaForge: LaForge! Arturo: What kind of an engine room do you run? LaForge: Hey! A core breach could ruin your day! Just think about that! Wade: Quinn! That intelligence is wearing off! Just break the cover off! Quinn: (Whap! Whap!) It won't open! Oh no! I can feel myself getting stupider! Arturo: Let me see that! (grabs timer, throws it to floor and begins stomping on it) Open damn you! Quinn: It's no use professor, it's gone. The intelligence is gone. Wade: Professor! Stop stomping on the timer, you'll break it! Arturo: Just what the devil do you think I'm trying to do!? Quinn; Professor, if it's any consolation, I know how we got thrown into the future. Arturo: Big whoop. Wade: Tell us Quinn. LaForge: Yeah, tell us Quinn! Quinn: Commander LaForge, you said you found an unidentified mass with Rembrant that was in a state of temporal flux when we first arrived. LaForge: Yeah, so? Quinn: That mass was, in fact, a fruitcake given to us on the last world. Arturo: A fruitcake? Wade: Quinn, be serious. Quinn: I am being serious. The ingredients in the fruitcake went into a state of temporal flux when it entered the wormhole thus causing us to be hurled 300 years into the future. LaForge: That's stupid. Quinn: Hey, I didn't write this story. Rembrant: (entering) Hey guys, are we going home or what? Dozens of pillows, tricorders, hypos, and other medical instruments within reach of the sliders are thrown at Rembrant who screams a few obscenities and leaves. Meanwhile, Riker faces a big decision. Riker: Counselor, what do you think. Do you think I looked better as a Hasbro action figure or a Playmates action figure? Troi: Playmates. Worf: CAPT-- Uh, I mean... Captain! Picard: What is it Mr. Worf? Worf: It's... the guy in charge of the ship sir. Picard: Oh yeah. Worf: There is a ship approaching at bearing 282... Uh... over thattaway. Picard: Open hailing fre-- Worf: Hailing frequencies open! Picard: This is Captain James T. Kirk of the... Riker: Wrong series again sir. Picard: Ugh! This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Alien: Jean-Luc Retard huh? Picard: Actually, it's Jean-Luc Pic-- Alien: SILENCE!!! You have destroyed the last known habitat of the endangered (but now-extinct) flat nosed wanker-monkey. Riker: The flat nosed what? Alien: Wanker-monkey. Riker and Picard: Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh! Alien: Oh yeah, laugh now, but you have violated our law and for that we must imprison and torture the one responsible. Now be good American icons and tell me who did it. Rembrant: I did it. Crusher: But why? Rembrant: He's an annoying little sh-- Crusher: That's no reason to try to suffocate my son with a pillow. Wesley: I'm ok mom really, we were just playing. Crusher: I'm keeping my eye on you. Rembrant: And I'm keeping my eye on you sweet thang! ---------------------------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK [Bob Dole is sitting in his office looking about three millennia old.] Dole: Hello, I'm Bob Dole. As many of you know I am combating violence and sex on television. Just to show you how serious the problem is, I commissioned HBO to do an episode of "Sliders." THIS is the result. Roll the promo! Announcer: New on HBO, it's "Sliders"! Join Quinn Mallory and his friends as they journey from world to world getting into all sorts of sticky situations. Quinn: Oh [BEEP]! Get off your fat [BEEP] and give me the [BEEP]ing timer! Arturo: Oh, [BEEP] you! Wade: [removing her clothing] Quinn, something I never told you was that I used to be a stripper back home! Rembrant: Holy [BEEP]!!! Q-Ball, on this world women [BEEP] you just to say hi! "Sliders" now on HBO! [The scene fades back to Doles office. Dole is lying on the floor surrounded by doctors and nurses trying to revive him. One of the Doctors yells "CLEAR" and activates the paddles. Dole snaps back to life. The doctors and nurses all back out of the way as Dole stands up] Dole: Wasn't that disgusting? Join with me as I try to keep decent shows off of HBO! Announcer: Paid for by the Society to Keep Decent Shows Off of HBO. ---------------------------------------- [Back on the bridge, Picard is addressing the aliens] Picard: We will never give in to your demands! Alien: And just why not? Picard: Because the man you want is a hero. He saved this entire ship and all 1014 people on board. Alien: No matter, we will simply read the minds of your crew. HA! HA! HA! UGH! YOUR FIRST OFFICER IS A PERVERT! Riker: (blushes) Alien: HA! We now know who did it! Rembrant Brown will be ours to do with what we please! Picard: Mr. Worf, terminate communications and get extra security officers to Mr. Brown! Worf: Phasers on kill? Picard: STUN Worf! Worf: Pansy. Crusher: That's odd, according to the computers, someone is beaming into sickbay. Wesley: Who'd be beaming into sickbay? As if on cue, two mantis-like creatures materialize in the middle of the room. Hammo: Greetings, I am Hammo. This is my assistant Yurgie. Crusher: I am Dr. Beverly Crusher, can I help you? Yurgie: Yeah, we're looking for a singer named Rembrant "Crying Man" Brown. Rembrant: Whazzat? Is someone looking for me? Hammo: You are Rembrant "Crying Man" Brown? Rembrant: You called me "Crying Man"!? Hot damn! You must be fans of mine! Hammo: Uhh... Yeah, we are! Especially that song.... uhh.... Rembrant: "Tears in My Fro?" Hammo: Yeah! "Tears in My Fro"! Listen babe. Umm, we were wondering if maybe you would beam over to our ship and maybe sign a few autographs, sing a few songs... Yurgie: ...Die a horrible death. Hammo: Yurgie! Hush! Quinn: Don't go with them Rembrant. I don't trust them! Wesley: Yeah, the more alien they look, the more evil they are! Yurgie: Hey, I resemble that remark! Rembrant: Look, it's not like I'm not flattered, but my agent sets up tour dates for me and I don't think it's such a hot idea to leave the Enterprise. Hammo: So... you're not coming with us? Rembrant: I'd... have to say no. Yurgie: (sotto to Hammo) We're screwed Hammo! If we don't get that guy to our ship Supreme Commander Xujax is going to pull our snarglies off! Hammo: I agree, it's time for plan B. Yurgie: Plan B? Hammo: GET HIM!!!! Yurgie and Hammo grab Rembrant and push Quinn, Wade, Arturo, Crusher, and Wesley out of the way. Hammo barks some commands into his/her? communicator and the three beam away leaving the commotion of the sickbay. Arturo: Well, that's just dandy! What else could go wrong during this slide!? Worf and his security team busts in suddenly firing their phasers indiscriminately around the room. The remaining sliders duck for cover as does Dr. Crusher and Acting Doofus Wesley Crusher. Wade: You just had to ask didn't you!? Crusher: Worf! Cut it out! You're too late as usual. The aliens just left. Worf: (stops shooting) Well that just sucks! (Slaps communicator) Worf to Captain Picard! Picard: -- Picard, bridge here. -- Worf: Captain, the aliens have taken Mr. Brown. Picard: Ah, so that would explain why the alien ship just warped away faster than a greased pig! Get back up here Worf, we've got a wayward slider to save. Worf: (shrugging) Here we go again! (exits) Wade: These people are insane! It's a wonder these idiots haven't blow up their own ship! Quinn: Knock on wood Wade, the story's not over yet! Will the crew of the Enterprise blow up their own ship? Will the timer ever work properly again? Just what is Picard going to do about Rembrant? Will Hammo and Yurgie gets there snarglies pulled off? And just what are snarglies? For the answers to these questions and a disturbingly entertaining story, read the next chapter! TO BE CONTINUED...
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!! I MUST READ PART THREE!!!