"Since The World is Hollow, I Must Have Touched the Ground" (The inevitable Star Trek: The Next Generation - Sliders Crossover) Chapter One: "Into the Mistake" Guest Starring: Yahoo Serious Pamela Anderson "Weird" Al Yankovic The Artist Formerly Known as Vanilla Ice and Ricky Skaggs as "The One Armed Man" Disclaimer: This is all meant in good fun. I do not intend to take credit from the talented people who created all of these wonderful characters. Enjoy the story and keep repeating to yourself, "It's just a TV show... It's just a TV show... It's just..." Teaser: The Sliders are getting ready for a slide but appear to be talking to a pair of ladies. Quinn: I'm sorry we couldn't stay longer. Lavern: Don't worry about it. Shirley: Yeah, when you gotta... uh... slide, you gotta slide! Arturo: The wormhole will open in about five seconds... make that three, no two. Uh.. one! [Ka-Whoosh!] Wade: Ka-Whoosh? Quinn: Can you think of a better way to spell it? Lavern: Here Rembrant, I made you a fruitcake to take with you to the next world. Rembrant: Aww, thank you sweetheart. I love fruitcake! Good-bye! Wade: Bye Lavern, bye Shirley! Arturo: Farewell ladies. [Wade, Rembrant, and Arturo both slide away leaving Quinn alone with Lavern and Shirley] Quinn: Bye girls. Lavern: What a minute!!! When are we going to get posted on the rec.arts.sliders.bboard? Quinn: Uhh, well... I don't think that will be happening anytime soon. Shirley: Why not!? Quinn: Think about it, who would want to read a story about a Sliders / Lavern and Shirley crossover? Shirley: I guess your right. Quinn: Hey, buck up! You might make it as a two-minute world! Lavern: As long as they write Lenny and Squiggy out of it, It'll be fine with me! Quinn: That goes without saying! Bye!!! [He jumps into the wormhole immediately afterward, the wormhole begins to change colors, fluctuate, and shimmy. Then it closes.] Lavern: Is it supposed to do that? Shirley: Who cares? "two minute world". I've never been so insulted in my life!!! Lavern: Aww... You're young yet! [Cut to Sliders opening sequence.] ---------------------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK If you were captivated by the charm of "Forrest Gump"... If you were mistified by the power of "Twister"... Then you will love "Twister 2: The Untold Chapter of Forrest Gump". Forrest: It's a F4.... Definatly an F4. Jenny: RUN FORREST!!! RUN!!! Yes, the untold chapter of Forrest Gump how, in the 1980's, Forrest, Jenny, and Bubba became storm chasers. Bubba: Forrest! Forrest! What's that shootin' out of the twister there? Forrest: That's mah boat! It's fun, it's charming, it ignores all the rules of continuity! But who cares? Lt. Dan: What are you carrying me for Forrest! You should've let me die back there! See Forrest and Bubba meet President Bill Clinton! Bubba: Most of mah friends just call me "Bubba". Clinton: Mine too! Listen, do you like shrimp? "Twister 2: The Untold Story of Forrest Gump" Blowing into a theater near you! Forrest: Mamma always said, "Twisters are like a box of choc-o-lates" But that was before we sent her to the home. ------------------------------------ Act One Scene one: The bridge of the USS Enterprise-D. All are present, even, "the boy." Picard: Captain's Log, Stardate 45678.9: The Enterprise is... wait a minute. 45678.9? Is that right? Well, what do you know! I wonder what the odds of that happening were? Data: Approximately 184378152340.5342 to 1 sir. Picard: Don't interrupt me during a log entry Mr. Data! Data: Right, sorry sir. Picard: Ahem, right... anyway, the Enterprise is on the edge of the neutral zone investigating Romulan activities. Otherwise all is well. Riker: Captain, do you think we'll actually get to shoot someone today? Picard: Not while I'm in command. I like to seek out peaceful solutions to threatening situations. Riker: Not me, I prefer the old policy of "shoot 'em all and let God sort it out." Picard: That's why I'm the captain and your not. Riker: I'll become a captain someday, then you'll be sorry! Picard: So will your crew. Worf: CAPTAIN!!! Picard: I'm less than two feet away and totally deaf now. What is it? Worf: Sensors are picking increasing activity in the astral plane! I recommend we fire phasers and photon torpedoes! Picard: Mr. Worf, I thought I told you to switch to decaffeinated! Permission denied! Worf: Aww MAN! Wesley: Captain, if you what my opinion... Picard: No, I don't. Wesley: Fine, but if you want me to save the ship later you can forget it! Troi: Captain! I sense... I sense... [KA-WHOOSH!!! The wormhole opens.] Picard: What is it!? Data: It's a computer generated special effect, used commonly in the... Picard: WHAT IS IT? Data: It appears to be a rift in the fabric of space and time! Riker: Another one? The wormhole heaves out the four Sliders onto the deck Worf: Security to the bridge! Surrender or I will be forced to shoot you!!! Quinn: What the...!? Where are we!? Picard: I am Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Arturo: That's quite a long name Captain Enterprise. Picard: No, no... Enterprise is the name of the starship you are on. Quinn: Starship!? Rembrant: The "flying around in outer space" type of starship!? Picard: Yes. Who are you? Quinn: My name is Quinn Mallory. This is Rembrant Brown and Wade Wells. Arturo: Ahem. Quinn: Oh yeah, and Professor Maximillion Arturo. Picard: We are very different people. It will take... time to understand one another. Quinn: Right... uh... Picard: [interrupting] Don't speak! This is a somber moment to be contemplated. The discovery of a new lifeform. How... profound! Quinn: What a second, you guys think were aliens? Data: It is true is it not? Arturo: It is not, you blistering idiot!!! Data: Blistering idiot? Ah! Dolt, nincompoop, dummy, moron, pain in the... Picard: That's enough Mr. Data. [to sliders] so you are saying that you are not aliens? Wade: Yes. Picard: You are from Earth then? Wade: Yes! Picard: I see, well, we here on the Enterprise do not take kindly to alien impersonators! Mr. Worf! Take these impostors to the brig! Worf: With pleasure sir. Come with me! Arturo: Listen you... [notices Worf] AHHHH! Rembrant: What the hell's going on? What kind of screwed-up world is this!? Worf: Hand over your weapons. Arturo: What weapons? Worf: [pointing to timer] THAT weapon! Quinn: You don't understand, it's not a weapon it's a... [Worf, who is obviously sick and tired of all of the senseless techno-babble in this story, takes Quinn by the neck and slams him against the bulkhead, knocking him unconscious.] Wade: QUINN! You people are crazy!!! Picard: Mr. Worf that was unnecessary. We just painted that wall! Worf: I will exercise more self-control sir. Picard: See that you do. Now --gently-- take these three intruders to the brig and take the injured one to sickbay and let Dr. Crusher have him. Worf: What about the weapon? Picard: Take it to main engineering and let Mr. LaForge tinker with it. Arturo: No, you don't understand! Worf: SILENCE!!! [Considering what happened to Quinn, the sliders comply and are ushered into the turbolift. Worf is carrying Quinn over his shoulder and gets his head slammed in the turbolift doors. Worf smiles smugly and corrects the problem.] ------------------------------------- [COMMERCIAL BREAK] Comming to a convention center near you! It's the Big Slam Star Trek Convention!!! Meet Patrick Stewart's stand in, JIMMY ROBERTS! Meet the man who played the helmsman in "Where Silence has Lease", BOB JONES! Meet the woman who met William Shatner, HEATHER STARLING! And don't forget that dealer room! Tickets are $40 in advance and $40.50 at the door. Visa and Mastercard are not accepted! ------------------------------------- ACT TWO: The Sliders are in the brig being watched over by a nameless security guard who will no doubt be dead by the time this story is over. Rembrant: Ok, so we're on a world where human are running around in outer space and some people bleach their faces and grow lobsters out of their heads? Arturo: Perhaps, or perhaps mankind has contacted extra-terrestrials in this dimension. Wade: [to security guard] Hey buddy! Buddy: How did you know my name was Buddy? Wade: Errr... Lucky guess? Buddy: Good guess. Wade: Can you tell me what time it is? Buddy: It's stardate 45679.0. Wade: Bah? Buddy: Thursday? Arturo: Did you say Thursday!? Buddy: Yes, what are you deaf or something? Arturo: That's impossible! Buddy: No, that bushy hair is impossible. Today is actually Thursday. Rembrant: What's wrong professor? Arturo: String theory dictates that time should remain constant on each world regardless of interdimesional slide. Wade: [with blank look] uh huh. Arturo: Don't you see!? When we left the last world it was Saturday! [to guard] I say, could you give me today's date? Buddy: Stardate 45679.0! I told you! Arturo: Not the stardate! I mean what is the date? Is it March the 4th? May the 27th? Buddy: It is Thursday, October 31st. Arturo: What is the year? Buddy: You don't get out much do you? Arturo: We're the stars of this show, so leave the smart-ass remarks to us please. Buddy: Sorry sir. It's 2368. Arturo: Thank you. Wade: 2368!? You mean we're in the future!? Arturo: That's not all we're in. --------------------------------------- Meanwhile, Different concerns are being faced in the Enterprise observation lounge. Such as... Troi: Captain! Tell Riker to quit looking at me like that! My eyes are up here, not down there! Picard: Number one! Riker: Sorry sir. Picard: Mr. LaForge, what can you tell us about the device that Mr. Worf confiscated from the intruders? LaForge: It's about this big. About this wide. It makes a funny beeping sound. It... Picard: Geordi... What is it, and how does it work? LaForge: Well, ahem, there's this thingy in it that causes this doohicky to... uh... turn on and makes this thingamajig all... you know... all funny. Picard: [sigh] Geordi... LaForge: Yes? Picard: Did you even look at it? LaForge: Well, no... Picard: Well, why? LaForge: I've been working on the holo-decks. You know that Leah Brahms program I've been messing with? Well I think I'm about this close to getting her to... Riker: Geordi, Geordi, Geordi... We've GOT to get you a woman. Picard: Ok, forget I mentioned it! Mr. Worf, did you confiscate any thing else from the intruders. Worf: I took what appeared to be a large mass from the one named Rembrant Brown. Computers are unable to determine what it is because it appears to be in a state of temporal flux. Troi: Did you try using the flux capacitor? Worf: Your thinking of Back to the Future. Shut up and sense something. Troi: Wait a minute... I do sense something. Worf, someone is about to smack you. Worf: Really? Who? Troi: Me. [POW] Picard: Enough you two! Don't make me separate you! Now, Mr. Data, what is the condition of the intruder Mr. Worf beat up? Mr. Data? MR. DATA!!! Data: Wha..? Oh, sorry sir. I thought the writers had forgotten I was here. Dr. Crusher is tending to him. It would be easier just to ask her. Picard: Very well. Computer: Activate Emergency Medical Holographic Program. Data: Wrong series sir. Picard: Oh right! [slaps badge] Picard to Crusher. Wesley: -- Yes captain? -- Picard: Not you! Ick! Picard to DOCTOR Crusher! Crusher: -- Yes dear? -- Picard: Ix-nay on the ear-day! What is the condition of the intruder? Crusher: -- Well, aside from a bump on the head and a major wedgie... -- Worf: Heh heh. Crusher: -- ... he's fine. -- Picard: Very well, thank you Gates, you've said your two lines for this show. Now pick up your paycheck and get out. Crusher: -- I'm not done yet! -- Picard: Whatever. Picard out. Crusher: -- Wait! You can't just... -- [cut to sickbay] Crusher: ...cut me off like that! I'm essential to this... Hello? Hello? He hung up! I can't believe he hung up on me!!! Quinn: Ohhhhhhhh. Crusher: Tell me about it. Quinn: What...? Where...? Who...? Crusher: Oh, so you're awake. How are you feeling? Quinn: I feel like I've had my spinal column pull out through my nose. Crusher: Interesting. You should be completely healed in about three hours. Quinn: Three hours!!! I thought you said I was seriously injured! Crusher: You are... were. Is there anything I can get you? Quinn: Wait! My friends! Where are they!? Interesting question... Worf: YOU LIE!!! Rembrant: Do not! Worf: Do too! Rembrant: Do not! Worf: Do too! Nyaa! Nyaa! Nyaa! Arturo: Gentlemen, I hate to interrupt this witty dialogue, but we really need to talk to Captain Picard. Worf: You really expect me to believe that you are travelers from the past!? It is a useless ploy that will not work! Wade: THAT'S IT!!! Listen to me lobster-head! I am Uddy Taike Booboo of the planet Boinkeron, and if you do not let us speak to captain Picard right now, I will disintegrate this ship! Worf: Jumping Jigowatts! [Worf runs out of the room] Arturo: Why did you tell him that? Wade: That Worf guy strikes me as the type of guy that only responds to threats so I threatened him. Arturo: Nice touch. Wade's plan works perfectly. Well, almost... Worf: Captain! We must destroy them all! Now! Now! Now!!!!!!!! Picard: So you believe this Story about that Wade Wells girl actually being an alien named Uddy Ta.. Ta.. Worf: ...Taike Booboo! Picard: Let's just stick to Wade Wells for now. Counselor, what do you think? Counselor: I sense irritation and anger from an unknown source. Picard: Probably the readers. What about the intruders? Troi: I sense confusion, desperation, hopelessness... [Riker walks in] Troi: ...ugh! Perverse thoughts, disgusting thoughts of sexual practices with various women and farm animals... Oh, Will, it's just you. Riker: Huh? Picard: Counselor, could these people be beings of unknown power, like that awful "Q" character? Troi: I don't think so. I think that Wade Wells is lying about being an alien. Worf: HA! A ploy! Klingon honor demands we kill them! Picard: Klingon honor always demands that you kill something. Worf: HA! Klingon honor now demands that I ignore you! Picard: Enough of this! Mr. Worf, if you knew that Wade Wells was lying to you in the brig, what would you have done? Worf: I would have shredded them to bits! Picard: Exactly. The intruders are willing to risk their lives to gain an audience with me, so the least I can do is grant them what they want. I will meet with them. Riker: Captain, as first officer I can't allow you to be put in harms way! Picard: Number one? Riker: Yes sir? Picard: Shut up. Riker: Yes sir. Picard: Counselor, come with me. Let's see if we can make sense of these guys. Let's hop to it people! I'm sure the readers who rather be doing something else right now. -------------------------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK [William Shatner is relaxing in an easy chair by a fireplace] Hello, I'm William Shatner, many you know me better as Captain James T. Kirk on the television series "Star Trek". However, what many of you do not know is how much I contributed to the show itself. Well, now you can read about it in my new book, "I did it all". What many of you do not know is that Leonard Nimoy did not play Mr. Spock. I did! Did Harlon Elision really write "The City on the Edge of Forever"? No, I did! I did it all, I tell you! I even stuffed those damn tribbles! Every single one of them. So buy my book! You get a 10% discount if you tell the clerk at the bookstore that you think Star Trek V was a masterpiece! Buy it today! I SAID TODAY!!!! -------------------------------------- Scene resumes in sickbay where a groggy Quinn has just explained to Captain Picard the entire plot premise of Sliders. [lucky for us, this happened during a commercial because then the story would get too repetitive.] Picard: I think we need to hire a new narrator. You can't fire me. I'm union. Picard: Rats. Oh well, that's quite an interesting story Mr. Mallory. Quinn: I agree, and please, call me Quinn. Picard: Not quite yet. Your friend, Professor Arturo, has postulated that in addition to "sliding" to a parallel dimension, you have also "slid" 300 years into the future. Quinn: 300 years into the future!? Well, that would explain those god-awful clothes and all the aliens running around. Picard: Aside from Professor Arturo's theory of course, we have no solid evidence that you are from the past, I mean, for all we know, you could be Uddy Taike Booboo from the planet Boinkeron. Quinn: Uddy Ta... Ta...who? Picard: Forget it. What I need to see is definite proof that you are from the 20th century. Troi: Captain, he's telling the truth. I've been saying that for the past hour. Picard: (ignoring Troi) So Mr. Mallory. What proof can you offer us? Quinn: All I have is some loose change. Crusher: Look at that Jean Luc! He's got a 1987 Lincoln-head penny! Picard: And a 1993 Washington-head quarter! Troi: ...and a... What is that? Picard: It's a fuzzy peppermint. All: EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!! Quinn: Is that proof enough? Picard: I suppose so. (slaps nipple, uh, I mean, communicator) Picard to Worf. Worf: -- Worf here. -- Picard: Mr. Worf, release the sliders from the brig. Worf: -- But captain! -- Picard: No buts! Do it now. Ok? (a pause) OK!? Worf: -- Doh, all right. -- Quinn: Thank you captain. Picard: We will arrange rooms for you and your friends of course. Quinn: How kind. Picard: Do you prefer smoking or non-smoking? Later, reunited in Ten-forward, Quinn explains to the other sliders why they were freed. Kind of... Quinn: ...so I says to him, "Listen baldly, either you let my friends go, or you'll be sorry. Do you hear me!? NOW!!!" Wade: Wow! Arturo: Oh brother... Rembrant: Look, I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but the fact is we're trapped in the future! How are we gettin' home now!? Quinn: Don't sweat it crying man. They've got that guy with the thing over his eyes working on it. What's his name? Wade: Jerry LaTrine, I think. Guinan: I think you mean Geordi LaForge. Quinn: Right! Thank you. Wait a minute, who are you? Guinan: My name's Guinan. I tend bar and I listen. Quinn: Who doesn't? Anyway, I think me and my friends who all like beers. Guinan: Could I see some I.D.? Wade: We... don't have our I.D.'s. That big ugly guy hasn't given them back yet. Guinan: We, in that case, I'll have to serve you synthehol. Arturo: Synthe-what? Guinan: It looks like beer, smells like beer, and tastes like beer. But it doesn't make you drunk. Quinn: Sheesh! What's the point then? How about a Coca-Cola for me. Wade: Tea. Lemon zinger. Iced. Shaken, not stirred. Guinan: Err... right. Arturo: I'll have a Diet Coke. Guinan: Diet? Arturo: Can't we get through one blasted episode without someone making fun at my weight!? Guinan: What can I get for you sir? Rembrant: I think you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid my eyes on. Guinan: Thank you, but I'm old enough to be your ancestor. Rembrant: Coffee then. Guinan: Thank you, I'll be right back with your drinks and a strange put profound and thought-provoking statement in just a moment. Wade: Is it just me, or was that woman really Whoopi Goldburg in a purple mushroom suit? Rembrant: You know, I... Computer -- RED ALERT! ALL PERSONNEL REPORT TO DUTY STATIONS!!! -- Quinn: What about us!? Computer: -- GO TO YOUR QUARTERS, DUH! -- Arturo: You heard the magical voice, lets go! Wade: I wonder what's going on!? Me too. So lets look in on the bridge crew who is, by now, wondering what the hell is happening. Riker: What the hell is happening!? Data: Sensors are detecting a large craft bearing 289105*64962789672 on a heading of 8749.7. Picard: And that would be... Data: ...over there sir. Picard: Ah, what kind of ship is it? Data: It's big... Picard: Yes? Data: It's bad... Picard: YES? Data: It's powerful... Picard: YES? YES? Data: It's a cube! Picard: A cube!? My god, that could only mean... (ominous music) THE BORG! Wesley: The Borg are on an intercept course and their weapons are charging? Picard: Suggestions? Worf: Fight! Data: Retreat. Riker: Run away! Worf: No, fight! Troi: Let's get out of here! Wesley: Yea, let's go! Worf: FIGHT YOU FRENCH PANSY!!!! FIGHT! Picard: Thank you for your recommendations. I say we flee. Worf: You would. Picard: Mr. Sulu... Riker: Wrong series again sir. Picard: Right. Uhh, Mr. Crusher, get us out of here. Warp 9. That way, ENGAGE! Wesley: The Borg are still closing on us sir! Picard: Engine room! We need more power! LaForge: I'm givin' it all she's got cap'n! She canna take much more! Picard: Push it to the max Mr. LaForge, and if you ever do that impression again, so help me I'll... Worf: The Borg are firing sir!!! Riker: Downsizing has finally hit the collective? Picard: Shut up! Shut up! Dammit, this is serious! The Borg shot finally hits the Enterprise causing several unnecessary consoles to explode shredding several unnecessary ensigns. Shrapnel magically passes through Riker, Troi, Worf, and Picard as the science stations explode. Ensigns: Auuuuuuuuuuuugh. (gurgle) Picard: Shit! We just lost what's-his-name. Worf: Shields are down sir! A small Borg scout team is beaming onto deck 8! Troi: Deck 8? What's so special about deck 8? Glad she asked... Wade: Keep running guys, our rooms are just around the corner. Deck 8, section 2 Quinn: I haven't felt this much shaking since Rush Limbaugh jogged by us that one time. Arturo: Was that a fat joke!? I think it was! Rembrant: Cool it guys. Who are they? Wade: They're all so pale. Quinn: I wonder if they're friendly. Borg #1: We are Borg, resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Rembrant: Riiiiiight! (sotto to Arturo) What does assimilate mean? Arturo: To absorb, integrate, to make your own. Rembrant: And is that a good thing or a bad thing? Borg #1: You will take us to the bridge so that we may reassimilate Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Quinn: Sorry, but the magical voice told us to go to our quarters. Borg #2: (to #1) My scans indicate that the fat one is of considerable intelligence, however, the Quinn is almost three times smarter. Borg #1: So? Borg #2: He could be of more use to use than Picard. Borg #3: And he doesn't have a snobby accent! Borg #1: Good point. We have decided to conquer the federation, but to do so we need a human voice. You will be that voice! You will be assimilated Quinn Mallory! Quinn: Oh yeah!? Well you just try it! Me and my friends can fight you off! Picard: What happened!? Why did the Borg stop shooting? Data: Unknown sir. Picard: Wesley, did you save the ship without my permission? Wesley: I didn't! Honest! Wade: (over comm) -- Hello? Hello? This is Wade Wells, can anyone hear me? -- Picard: This is Picard, what are you doing with a comm badge? Wade: -- I took it off of some dead ensign. Listen, you've got to do something! -- Picard: About? Wade: -- These guys.... These pale, robot-like guys... they... they took Quinn! -- Picard: And? Troi: Captain! Picard: (sigh) Did the kidnappers refer to themselves as "Borg"? Wade: -- Uh huh -- Picard: Oh dear. Listen, why don't you and your friends come up to the bridge, then we'll talk. Wade: -- Ok -- Riker: What would the Borg want with a dorky college kid from the 20th century? Picard: I don't know. Mr. Worf, hail the Borg ship. Worf: Channel is open. Borg: -- We are sorry, but we are unable to take your call. Please leave your name, species, and sector number at the tone and we will assimilate you as soon as possible... Beeeeeeep. -- Worf: My name is Dick Hertz and... Picard: Mr. Worf, don't play jokes on the Borg's answering machine. Worf: Party pooper. The Sliders arrive on the bridge. Rembrant: What's going on? What are those guys going to do to Quinn!? Picard: Mr. Crusher, would you be so kind as to explain? Wesley: Certainly sir. The Borg, known scientifically as Collectivus Assimilatis, generally assimilate prisoners as soon as they are captured. They loose all self-identity and become drones doing the Borg's bidding. Wade: That's hideous! Picard: Yes, the idea is... disturbing to say the least. Wade: I meant Wesley. Arturo: What are you going to do to get Quinn back!? Picard: I was thinking about talking to them. Trying to get them to see... Everyone: HA!!! Picard: And just what the hell was that supposed to mean!? Riker: You always talk! Talk, talk, talk, talk! You never shoot! Worf: We started this voyage with 200 photon torpedoes. We now have 199! We are the laughing stock of the federation!!! Picard: But we are a peaceful people! We don't resort to violence to solve our problems! Rembrant: You sound like a chicken to me. Picard: I beg your pardon? Data: Chicken: A medium sized bird, native to earth. Commonly used as... Picard: THANK YOU MR. DATA! Are you calling me a chicken? Rembrant: Yeah, I'm calling you a chicken! Riker: Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk, Bawk! Picard: Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!!! All right, you people want me to shoot the Borg ship!? All: YES!!! Picard: Fine! Mr. Worf, target the Borg ship! Worf: Targeting sir. Picard: Fire on the count of three! Worf: Understood sir. Picard: One... Worf: One. Picard: Two... Worf: Two. The Borg ship suddenly jumps to warp. Picard: THREE!!!! What the...!? Where'd they go!? Worf: They got bored and left! Arturo: My god, we are on the voyage of the damned! Picard: Mr. Worf, find them and catch them! Worf: Right-o! The Enterprise warps after the Borg ship. Wade, Arturo, and Rembrant wait patently on the bridge as the hours tick away. Suddenly... Troi: Captain! He's doing it again! Riker: I was not! I was... admiring your dress. Picard: Number one, go take a cold shower! Wesley: Captain! The Borg ship!!! Picard: What is it? Wesley: It's that big boxy thing we've been chasing for the past four hours. Picard: I know that! What about it!? Wesley: It's slowing down! It's stopping! Picard: All stop! Hit the brakes! Wesley: Stopping sir. Wade: Are you going to get Quinn back now? Picard: We'll try. Mr. Worf, open hailing feque... Worf: Hailing frequencies open! Picard: (fume) Borg ship! This is the Enterprise, we demand that you hand over the human you have kidnapped. Now! Borg: Your demands are irrelevant. Picard: Don't start that with me! I'm in no mood! Borg: Your mood is irrelevant. Rembrant: Listen, we just want our friend back. Borg: Your wants are... Rembrant: Irrelevant, I know. Just let us see him. Borg: Your request is not extreme, we will grant it. A figure moves into the light. It is a Borg, but a familiar Borg. Wade: Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!!! Arturo: God heavens!!! Quinn: I am Q-Ball of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will disarm all weapons and escort us to sector 001 where we will begin assimilation of your culture. If you resist us, we will destroy you. Oh yes, and have a nice day! Picard: It's going to be one of those days! Wesley: A season finale sir? Picard: Shut up Wesley. Will Wesley ever shut up? Will Aurturo's friends stop making fat jokes at his expense? Will Riker stop staring at Troi's breasts? And what's the deal with Quinn? Is he doomed to be a Borg forever? If you don't read the second installment of this story, you will not be able to sleep! Ok, so maybe you will, but I'm desperate! Please read on! TO BE CONTINUED...
I can't stand the suspense! I MUST READ PART TWO!!!