SPACE: BEHIND AND BETWEEN The Parody That Should Have Been Stopped at Part 5 by the late Jason Donner Part Fifteen - Episode Title: "Deja Vu All Over Again" Janeway and her merry band of sci-fi icons finally managed to get the timer away from Torres, Zowie, and their army of sci-fi villains. Janeway managed to get rid of Zowie and the alien... only to find out from Q that the timer had expired and the universe is mere seconds from exploding.... And there's nothing any of them can do about it!!! Janeway: Are you sure there's nothing we can do about it? Quinn: Positive. Q: Well, you people sure screwed this up! Janeway: Shut up Q! Chakotay: Well, if I'm going to die... I'm going to die happy! [Grabs Wade and engulfs her in a long gooey kiss] Wade: [knees Chakotay in the groin] Me too! Logan: Well, I'm not sticking around for the destruction of this universe! I'm outta here! Tuvok: I wouldn't be so sure. Logan: What do you mean? Tuvok: The explosion will not only destroy this universe... but the multiverse as well! You see every universe, including the universe where this whole fiasco is nothing but a stupid parody cooked up by some college kid who has way too much free time on his hands, will be destroyed! Arturo: Increases the peril... don't it? Tuvok: In a desperate sort of way... yes. Torres: Captain... what if we took Voyager and sling-shoted it around the sun. You know, so we could go back in time and stop myself from destroying the universe! Janeway: Torres? Are you on our side again? Torres: Yeah... Janeway: [to villains] What about you guys? Are you going to help us save creation too? Villains: Yes... Janeway: Wonderful! Mr. Tuvok, is there any stars in the vicinity that we can sling-shot around? Tuvok: Yes... at warp 9.99 it will take us an hour to get there. Quinn: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that rift is going to explode, like, any second! Janeway: Well, scratch that idea! If only we had a more convenient means of time travel... Doc: Excuse me... Janeway: Something on this ship, perhaps... Doc: Excuse me... Janeway: A time machine maybe... Doc: I have a time machine... Janeway: Anything at all.... Anyth- Who has a time machine!? Doc: I do! Tuvok: Dr. Brown is correct, captain! The DeLorean we are currently holding in the shuttlebay IS a time machine! Janeway: TO THE SHUTTLEBAY!!! [Shuttlebay: A few minutes later. Torres has equipped the DeLorean with a life support system] Torres: Done! I've set the coordinates to deliver the time machine to five minutes before the time expired! Sheridan: Why so close? Torres: Drama. Janeway: We've got the time machine... now, who are we going to send back? [Hands raise all over the bay and shouts of "ME! ME! ME!" are heard] Tuvok: Captain, if I may, I will use logic to determine whom should go. Janeway: Very well. Tuvok: Logically, I am smarter, stronger, and better than any of you... therefore, I should go! Janeway: Screw logic! Mallory! Get in the time machine! Quinn: But... but... I don't know how to drive a time machine! Doc: I've set the controls to automatic! Don't worry about it! [Kicks Quinn into the DeLorean and slams the door] [The DeLorean whisks out the shuttlebay and disappears leaving a pair of fire trails behind. Then the universe explodes killing everyone on Voyager!!!] --------------------------------------------- COMMERCIAL BREAK Next time on STAR TREK: VOYAGER! Janeway is seduced by one of the most powerful forces in the universe... AVON!!! Seduced by this power, Janeway goes cabin to cabin trying to sell her goods. The horror... oh, the horror! Can the crew survive!? Find out on STAR TREK: VOYAGER!!! --------------------------------------------- [Engineering... five minutes to Armageddon] Jason: STOOOOOOOP!!! Janeway: What now? Torres: Who are you!? Jason: My name is Jason Donner and I'm the guy writing this story! Janeway: So YOU'RE the one! Zowie: What are you doing here!? Jason: I've come to stop this parody. All: WHAT!? Janeway: Stop the parody... but... but why? Jason: You really gotta ask me that? Look, I started out writing a cute Sliders / Voyager crossover... you know, I thought it would be cute. But then, it got out of control! I kept writing and writing and writing and writing and writing and writing and writing and writing and... [BAM!!! The DeLorean crashes into engineering] Jason: What the hell!? I didn't write this! Future Quinn: [climbing out of the DeLorean] Everyone! Listen to me! Wade: Quinn! That yutz looks like you! Quinn: He sure does! Maybe he's a slider! FQuinn: I come from the future! Sam and Zowie: Big Whoop! FQuinn: Unless the timer is fixed in five minutes, the universe will explode! Zowie: He's lying! FQuinn: Torres, that's why Zowie is here! She's come to destroy the universe! Torres: What!? Why!? FQuinn: She's evil! Torres: Kes... uh.. I mean, Zowie! Is that true? Zowie: Uh.... well... that is I... Uh... No! It's not true! Torres: Gee... that... uh... sounds like the... uh... truth! [Torres grabs a phaser and fires at Zowie. Zowie is surrounded by the red energy as Kes re-appears] Kes: What's going on? FQuinn: Captain, there's an alien in the shuttlebay. Janeway: He really is from the future! Tuvok, decompress main shuttlebay! Tuvok: Done. The alien has been sucked out into space. Data: Correction sir, that's blown out. Tuvok: You're not on this series. Data: Sorry. [Quinn takes the back off of the timer and goes to work. A mere minute before the mutiverse explodes, the timer beeps and begins working. "Hallelujah" begins playing over the ships speakers as the crowd (both good and bad) celebrate.] Al: Sam... Sam: What? Al: [waves bye-bye as Sam leaps] Rembrandt: Hey, I'm back! [The sliders, upon hearing this rush to greet Rembrandt] Arturo: Guys, we have a minute before we slide! Quinn: Captain Janeway, we have to go! Janeway: Maxamillion! But... but... Arturo: The problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy mixed up galaxy we live in. Now... Now... don't cry. Here's looking at you kid. FQuinn: What about me? Janeway: What about you? FQuinn: What am I supposed to do? Doc: You vanish. FQuinn: WHAT!? Doc: The timeline you come from no longer exists. So, YOU no longer exist! FQuinn: [vanishing] Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap! Arturo: [Activates wormhole and blows Janeway a kiss] Farewell beloved. Janeway: Hasta la vista, baby! Quinn: So long, everybody! Wade: Good-bye master Vader! Vader: Remember to be evil! Wade: I will! Rembrandt: I wish I knew what was going on here. All: No you don't! [The sliders leap into the wormhole and vanish] Logan: HEY!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! I'm supposed to kill them!! [Logan and the Kromaggs open up their wormhole and leap in] Janeway: Well, THIS is just peachy! What are we supposed to do with these guys!? Deetee: Let's watch our movie! EPILOGUES Voice: You have failed to destroy the universe Zowie! You know what this means? Zowie: Torture? Thames: And lots of it? Voice: YES!!! Report to the torture room! Zowie and Thames: Ohhhh alright. Voice: You didn't say it. Zowie and Thames: Do we have to? Voice: YES!!! Zowie and Thames: Hail Microsoft. Voices: HAIL MICROSOFT!!! HAIL MICROSOFT!!! HAIL... [Elsewhere...] Sam: Where am I now? Al: Sam, you've leaped into some guy named... Loreana: [butcher knife in hand] DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!! Al: ...John Wayne Bobbit. Sam: OHHHHH BOY!!!! [Elsewhere...] Doc: There, that's the last of them. Marty: It sure was cool of you to drop off the Rippers, Howard Stern, Leona Hemsley, Jason Donner, and Biff Tannen off in their proper times! Doc: What can I say, Marty... I'm a cool... GREAT SCOTT!!! [The DeLorean collides with a police box] Doctor Who: Oh, DO watch where you're going! [Elsewhere, the sliders are walking the streets of San Fransico] Quinn: Thank god THAT'S over with! Wade: I think I've had my fill of people from the future! Rembrandt: Here, here! If I meet another person from the future again, it'll be too soon! Arturo: Poppycock!!! Meeting another person from the future!!! Impossible! This was a fluke thing! Spock: Pardon me, we are trying to locate a pair of humpbacked whales. Arturo: DO I LOOK LIKE I KNOW WHERE TO FIND A PAIR OF HUMPBACKED WHALES!? YOU, BLISTERING IDIOT!!! [The sliders walk away] Spock: Were those assholes, captain? Kirk: Yes Spock, THOSE we assholes. [On Voyager, Chakotay is walking through a corridor when he sees Darth Vader come out of Janeways quarters. Curious, he rings the doorbell, only to be greeted by an EXTREMELY relaxed Janeway] Chakotay: CAPTAIN!? You and... that... that MAN? Janeway: [smiling] He's more machine now than man. [Later, on the bridge...] Tuvok: Mr. Vader and the White Star have departed to parts unknown. Maybe someday they will find a way back to their own universe. Curious. It appears that both ships have disappeared! Janeway: What!? How!? Q: I did it. Janeway: Q? Where did you send them? Q: Back to their own universes. You see, this is all a giant thank you from saving the multiverse. Well, ta-ta! [vanishes] Janeway: I'll be damned! Chakotay: Well, it looks like this adventure is over! Janeway: Yep! And for once, we've tied up all the loose ends! Kim: All the loose ends? Janeway: Yep! All the loose ends! Mr. Paris! Lay in a course to... Say... where is Mr. Paris? [Janeway is bonked on the head and dragged away by Paris who has evolved into a salamander again. The ever-alert bridge crew fails to notice.] Paris: Bud... weis... errrrr... And thus we bring an end to an epic tale of stupidity! THE END!!!!