Space: Behind and Between The Uncalled For Sliders / Star Trek: Voyager Crossover By Jason Donner Part Four - Episode title: "Hearts Afire" When we last left our heroes, the USS Voyager had been repaired after suffering numerous systems failures due to a strain of bacteria that had infected the bio-nueral gel packs, the Doctor suggested to Arturo that he court Captain Janeway and try to make her loosen up just a bit, the Kazon still had the slider's timer, and if that wasn't enough, Belanna Torres is hatching an evil scheme to steal the time to try to get the Voyager home. [Janeway is sitting at her desk in her ready room rubbing her temples. Suddenly, the doorbell rings.] Janeway: Come in. Arturo: I hope I'm not disturbing. Janeway: A face like that... you can't help to be. Arturo: I beg your pardon? Janeway: Forget it. Look professor, if this is about that timer of yours, we are less than an hour from the Kazon ship. All we have to do is shoot them a couple of times and... professor? Why are you staring at me like that? Arturo: Did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes? Janeway: Yeah. A Videean. Just before he tried to yank them out. Arturo: I brought a present for you. Janeway: This oughtta be good. Arturo: [picks up a box and hands it to Janeway] I hope you like it. Janeway: [opens box, revealing a puppy] Ohh... it's... it's... adorable! Professor Arturo, I had you figured all wrong! I thought you were a pompous egocentric loud-mouth. Arturo: What about now? Janeway: I think your a pompous egocentric loud-mouth who gave me a puppy! Arturo: Err... right. [Janeway takes her puppy and sits on her couch Arturo sits beside her] Janeway: I shall name her... Arturo: Him. Janeway: Right... I shall name him... Neelix. Arturo: Isn't that the name of that thing you have working in the kitchen? Janeway: Yeah. So? Ohh, professor... I just love puppies don't you? They just cry out to you. Hold me! Pet me! Love me! [Arturo begins leaning toward Janeway for a kiss] Unconditional love, that's what a puppy gives you. You can do a lot with a puppy. When I was back on Earth, I used to sleep with mine. [Arturo gets closer] Of course, I usually sleep in the nude, but puppies don't mind. [Unable to stand it anymore, Arturo lunges for a kiss. Unfortunately, Janeway turns her head at the last minute and Arturo hits his teeth on Janeway's hair.] Arturo: OW!!! Janeway: What? What is it? Arturo: I think I chipped a tooth! Janeway: You what!? Arturo: My dear woman! What the hell have you got on your head!? It's as hard as a rock! Janeway: You... you don't like my hair? Arturo: It's not that I don't like your hair, it's just that... Janeway: [slaps Arturo] Did Luke Skywalker hate Princess Leia's hair!? Did Captain Kirk laugh at Yeoman Rand's hair!? Did whats-his-face hate whoist's hair!? Arturo: Kathryn! Janeway: Get out! Arturo: But! Janeway: GET OUT!!! [Janeway begins throwing things at Arturo until he finally exits onto the bridge.] Tuvok: I take it that the Captain is not in the best of moods. Arturo: She is NOT! Blistering idiot. Kim: Are we there yet? All: NO! [In the mess hall, Wade is drinking a cup of coffee when Tom Paris leaps out of the shadows.] Paris: Is this seat taken. Wade: Well... no. Paris: Good. You know, you have lovely eyes. Wade: Yes. Paris: Oh... uh... I'm Tom Paris. Wade: I'm uninterested. Paris: I thought you were Wade. Anyway listen, I'm going to go to the resort and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me. Wade: The resort? Paris: It's on the holodeck. Actually, someone by the name of Harry Kim got a tape stuck in the holodeck and now the resort is the only program we have. Bastard. Wade: Uh huh. Well... I suppose I could go to the resort with you. Paris: Bonus! [Wade and Paris Leave - Meanwhile, In Janeway's ready room] Kes: You wanted to see me captain? Janeway: Yes Kes... Listen, I have a problem and your the closest thing we have to a counselor on this ship. Kes: Except for the hooters. Janeway: Yes... well... i'm having some conflicting emotions about someone on board. I hate him, yet... I'm attracted to him. Kes: Uh huh... well... Who is it? Janeway: Promise not to laugh? Kes: Yes. Janeway: Absolutely promise. Kes: Yes. Janeway: Cross your heart and hope to die? Kes: Yes. Janeway: Professor Arturo. Kes: Baaaaaaaah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!! Janeway: You promised! Kes: I'm sorry captain. [snicker] So, why are you in love with the professor? Are you attracted to his off-beat good looks? His intellect? Janeway: He gave me a puppy. Kes: Really? What puppy? Janeway: This pup- Wait a minute! Where's my puppy!? Kes: It must have escaped. Janeway: Go to red alert! Put all decks on emergency readiness! I must find my puppy! Kes: Relax captain. I'm sure it's in no danger. What could possibly happen to it? [In the Mess Hall] Neelix: Mr. Mallory! Mr. Brown! How would you like to try a brand new stew I'm working on? Rembrandt: Depends. What's in it? Neelix: I'm not sure exactly. The main ingredient is some strange animal I caught on deck 2. It was making a sound like, "arf! arf!", so I said to myself, that sounds like dinner. Quinn: We'll pass. Have you seen Wade? Neelix: She went to the holodeck with Mr. Paris. Quinn: Thanks. [Outside the holodeck] Quinn: This looks like a holodeck to me. Wade: [inside the holodeck] YOU PIG!!! Paris: [inside the holodeck] OWW!!! Rembrandt: ...the hell was that? [Wade exits the holodeck extremely angry] Quinn: Wade? What's wrong? Wade: I was sitting in that resort, watching these native juggle fire, when that... that... pig stuck his tongue in my ear! Paris: [exiting holodeck holding gut] I thought all women of the 20th century liked that. Wade: Well, you thought wrong, you... you... Quinn: Pig. Wade: Pig! Thanks. [Quinn, Wade, and Rembrandt leave] Paris: This is the chance I've been waiting for. I love the 20th century. I love the movies, the clothes, the automobiles... and now, here, 70,000 light years away from Earth, I have an honest-to-god real live 20th century woman! She will be mine... oh, yes... You will be mine Wade Welles. Torres: Tom, who are you talking to? Paris: It was a monologue, Belanna, it's when a character reveals his or her inner thoughts to the audience. You try it. Torres: No. Paris: Come on! Try it. Torres: All right! I... am going to hurt Tom Paris. I will tear his liver out and eat it. Then... I'll watch "Love Connection." Paris: Gotta go... bye! [On the bridge] Tuvok: We are closing on the Kazon vessel. Janeway: Ready all weapons, raise shields, buckle your seatbeats. Tuvok: The Kazon are hailing. Janeway: On screen. Seska: Captain Janeway. What an unexpected displeasure. Janeway: You have something that does not belong to you. We want it back. Seska: You want it? Come and get it! Janeway: Seska, I'm warning you! If you... She hung up! She hung up on me! Of all the nerve! Chakotay: You're the one who called collect. Janeway: I used 1-800-COLLECT and saved her up to 44%. Well, if it's a fight she wants it's a fight she'll get! Kim: Are we there yet? All: NO!!! Who will win in the battle between the Voyager and the Kazon? Will the sliders get the timer back? Will Arturo ever bag Janeway? Will Paris ever bag Wade? Is puppy stew fattening? Who is Darkman? What the hell is the fifth element? Stay tuned to find out!!! TO BE CONTINUED!!!