Donner's Complete Collection of Sliders Top Ten Lists

Worlds FOX Didn't let us see...

World #1 - "Howard's End" A world where Howard Stern's bid for office was successful and by 1996 he is president of the United States. New Constitutional amendments state that all women must go topless at all times. A small underground resistance fights this vile new government headed by none other than Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton who join forces after Bill Clinton is locked up and President Stern closes down Rush's favorite Ice cream parlor. Deciding this world is too weird, the gang slides on.

World #2 - "Bennish World" A world where Conrad Bennish is named King of the world in the hopes that his "Don't worry be Happy" attitude will promote world peace. Bennish falls in love with Wade at a command performance of Hootie and the Goldfish and demands that she be made "his chick" Wade refuses but of course no one says no to the King and she is forced to wed him. Quinn and crew show up at the last minute and Slide away just before Bennish says "Whoa! I totally do!"

World #3 - "Wade's World! Wade's World! Partytime! Excellent!" A world where Wade has a job as a radio-therapist. After the Native Wade is killed in a tragic accident with a Chihuahua, Slider Wade has to decide whether or not to replace her counterpart and stick her nose into other people's affairs on a daily basis. Despite urging by Professor Arturo to the contrary, Wade decides to keep sliding.

World #4 - "Backwards World" A world where Madonna is a virgin, Pee-Wee Herman is a bodybuilder, everyone but 5-year-olds love Barney, and Rush Limbaugh always has a high opinion of our beloved President, RuPaul. Deciding this world is way too bizarre, they group slides on.

World #5 - "Fox World" A world almost identical to Earth Prime, the Sliders think that they are home until Rembrant switches on FOX and everyone on "90210", "Melrose Place", "Married: With Children", and "Sliders" actually like each other. The Gang slides on.

World #6 - "Lotto World II" A world where if you LOSE the lottery, you get killed. Of course, thanks to Maxamilion "Don't Get Involved" Arturo, Wade doesn't buy any tickets, henceforth, they lose. After taking a Mime, his talking horse, and a Space alien into their confidence, The gang escape into the wormhole with them, but not before Quinn is kicked in the back by the horse.

World #7 - "Star Trek World" After arriving in this world (without the mime, the horse, or the alien), the group discovers that "Star Trek" has grown into a worldwide religion. After Rembrant sarcastically says to one of the High Kirkians, "May the force be with you", the Sliders barely escape with their lives.

World #8 - "The Real World" In this world, the government keeps track of everyone via TV crews in every home. Ratings skyrocket after a fed-up Wade knocks the crap out of Arturo.

World #10- "Disneyworld" In this chilling season finale, Disney has conquered the world. After amotorcycle cop, (Called a "CHiP") sees Wade's Bugs Bunny watch, the Sliders are hauled off to Prison where they encounter legendary cartoonist Chuck Jones, imprisoned there for over 30 years. Arturo is tortured by having to listen to the six-hour version of "It's a Small World After All" and spills the beans about the timer, sliding, and parallel worlds. President Mickey sees a golden opportunity to seize control of another plant so, with timer in hand, He opens the wormhole and jumps in. Quinn and party jump in after him, but not before Quinn is shot in the butt.

FUN STUFF TO DO DURING A SLIDE

10. Giving Arturo a home perm in his sleep (explains the now-bushy hair)

9. Four words: Vacation on "Naked World!"

8. Finding those weirdoes from the X-Files and freaking them out.

7. After jumping out of the wormhole, yelling, "LOOK OUT!!!" for no reason.

6. When the timer beeps, hold it up like a cel-phone and ask, "Hello?"

5. Forcing Arturo to jump by making the wormhole appear overhead.

4. When encountering your double, duplicate every move up until the last minute. Then yell, "BOO!"

3. When Arturo calls you "a blistering idiot", retort with "I know you are but what am I?"

2. Tell the gang that Conrad Bennish want to slide with you. Take amusing Polaroids of reactions.

1. While flying through the wormhole, hold arms out and buzz like an airplane.

 

TOP TEN PIECES OF SLIDERS MERCHANDISE YOU WON'T BE FINDING IN STORES ANYTIME SOON

10. Arturo action figure - face turns red with the push of a button.

9. T-shirt - "I was a prisioner on Earth 113 and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!"

8. The Best of Rembrandt Brown CD collection (also avalible on 8-track).

7. Slider fashions (clothes you can wear day after day after day after day after...)

6. "Love Gods" action breeders playset.

5. Conrad Bennish action figure with joint and removable eyes.

4. Book - "101 Kromagg beauty tips."

3. A "Tears in my Fro-Pillow"

2. Mel Torme' action figure (exploding rent-a-car sold seperatly)

1. Invisible Quinn action figure from "Gillian of the Spirits."

 

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT THE EVIL ARTURO WENT ON THE SLIDE

10. Refers to the timer as a "Turkish invention" (refer to the movie "King Solomon's Mine")

9. Occasionally rubs mustache between thumb and forefinger.

8. Refers to Henry the dog as, "Mutley."

7. Tries to choke Conrad Bennish on sight.

6. Doubles over, grabs stomach, and screams, "I WANT TO LIVE!!!"

5. Tells women that he's Pavoratti just to impress them.

4. "Yes! I AM the evil Arturo! I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for meddling kids and that dog named Scooby Doo!"

3. Instead of calling people, "Blistering idiots", he now calls them, "F*@#ing idiots."

2. Watches "Space: Above and Beyond" and "Goosebumps" religiously.

1. Howls at moon.

 

TOP TEN REASONS WHY BENNISH ISN'T ON THE SHOW AS MUCH AS HE USED TO BE

10. Serving as "Spinning Tops" roadie.

9. Chosen as international delegate to the Middle East peace conference.

8. Too distraught over balanced budget amendment.

7. Killed by rioting network executives.

6. Someone tied his shoelaces together.

5. Still busy writing his college thesis on the illustrious careers of Indiana Jones and Han Solo.

4. Trying to gather 100 proofs of purchases from Captain Crunch boxes to get a really cool RC car shaped like the captain's hat.

3. Infected with the Q.

2. Watching "Showgirls" over and over and over and over and over and over...

1. He's accidentally been making cameos on "Space: Above and Beyond." (Dude, this doen't look like my show!)

 

TOP TEN THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON SLIDERS

10. Quinn and Wade on a real date.

9. Pamela Anderson Lee (Why? Why not?).

8. Conrad Bennish: Slider.

7. Arturo fly out of the wormhole and crush the Olsen twins.

6. Wade on Naked World.

5. Mulder and Scully.

4. Something Original.

3. Wade and her double in a catfight over Quinn.

2. Ryan and Quinn in a fight over Wade.

1. How they pay for their hotel rooms.

 

TOP TEN THINGS WE'D HATE TO SEE ON SLIDERS

10: Arturo on Naked World.

9. "Space: Above and Beyond", "Goosebumps", or anything else that is not Sliders related.

8. The timer doubling as a cel-phone.

7. A giant worm emerging from the wormhole.

6. Pee-Wee Herman as Quinn's new stepdad.

5. More O.J. in-jokes.

4. The cowardly 1st season Rembrandt.

3. "Meet our new slider, Vanilla Ice!"

2. A clip show.

1. Two words: series finale.

 

TOP TEN PRACTICAL JOKES REMBRANDT LIKES TO PULL DURING A SLIDE

10. Giving Quinn a wedgie while flying through the void.

9. Switching the timer with a cel-phone.

8. After getting thrown from the wormhole, standing up a yelling, "Guys!? Where are they? Oh God! They must've missed the slide!"

7. Answering the question, "How long until the slide?" with, "About ten minutes ago."

6. Kicking Arturo in the void on purpose.

5. While having a heart to heart talk with Wade, he looks at his watch, then at Wade, then his watch, then Wade, then his watch...

4. Pretending to be unconscious after a slide, then popping his eyes open real quick and screaming in a demonic voice, "REMBRANDT DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE!!!"

3. Two words: Whoopee cushion.

2. Scoring the sliders as they get thrown from the wormhole. Quinn 8.9, Wade 9.0, Professor 9.95.

1. Throwing glue and chicken feathers into the wormhole right after Quinn jumps in.

 

FUN THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU MEET YOUR COUNTERPART

1. Claim to be a bodysnatcher.

2. Claim to be long-lost twin brother/sister. Milk them for every dime they've got.

3. Mimick every move they make until the last minute, then honk their nose.

2. Say, "GOD, I'm ugly!"

1. Two words: Parent Trap.

 

UPCOMING PLOT TWISTS IN THE NEXT SEASON OF SLIDERS

6. Wade goes wack-o with a machette

5. Timer causes brain tumors.

4. Quinn discovers that he had the power to get home all the time. All he had to do was click his heels together three timers and say...

3. The Sliders find out that Arturo actually ate Henry the dog.

2. Conrad Bennish: Pet Detective!

1. Wesley Crusher saves the day.

 

TOP TEN FATES OF HENRY THE DOG

10. One word: Roadkill.

9. Crushed by an airborne Arturo.

8. A case of rabies led to a "Cujo" episode of Sliders that was lost by an incompetent intern.

7. Missed slide while eyeing pretty poodle named "Fifi."

6. Missed slide while getting beat up by Fifi's boyfriend, "Fang."

5. Rembrandt imitated the ending of "Ol' Yeller."

4. Destroyed by feline militia on "Cat World."

3. Shacked up with rich cousin Benji.

2. Dognapped by Ryan to spite Wade.

1. Getting stoned right this minute with Conrad Bennish.

 

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE TIMER NEVER WORKS RIGHT

10. Batteries are in backwards.

9. Needs an 8-year-old to program it (Like a VCR).

8. Arturo's been using it to crack walnuts.

7. Circuits were made in Kathie Lee Gifford's sweatshop.

6. If it worked right, it would be a boring show.

5. GREMLINS!!!

4. Made from old RC car parts.

3. Schrodinger (Quinn's cat) used it as a scratching post.

2. Dial permanently set on, "screwy."

1. It does work right. This is all part of Quinn's diabolical plan to get even with Arturo for all of those boring classes he had to sit through.

 

TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD ON THE KROMAGG PRISON PLANET

10. Well, Mulder, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into.

9. ADICA!!! ADICA!!!

8. Well just be grateful they only took your eyeballs, Frank. Did you hear about the balls they took from Harry?

7. Well, this is the WORST hotel I've ever been in!

6. I'm Mel Torme'! You can't do this to me!

5. Well, look on the bright side! We don't have to hear about O.J. again!

4. What the hell is Elvis doing here?

3. So, do you think I've got a shot at that Mary chick?

2. You know, they DO look like Jem'Hadar if you think about it!

1. Ok everybody! Let's do the wave!

 

TOP TEN REASONS WHY SLIDING IS BETTER THAN SEX

10. When the timer beeps, you know you're done.

9. A slide can last for days, weeks even!

8. You can take more than one friend sliding.

7. No one ever said, "Remember, if you slide with that person, you're sliding with every person they every slid with!"

6. Come for the Sliding, stay for The X-files

5. No one ever got a venereal disease from sliding (Well, not yet anyway).

4. You can slide more than once a day.

3. No one has ever heard of, "Safe Sliding."

2. It would be less embarrassing to meet Conrad Bennish during a slide.

1. Sliding takes less effort.

 

Top ten rejected SLIDERS merchandise...

10. Arturo action figure - face turns red with the push of a button

9. T-shirt - "I was a prisoner on Earth 113 and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"

8. The Best of Rembrant Brown CD collection (also avalible on 8-track)

7. Sliders fashions (clothes you can wear day after day after day...)

6. "Love Gods" action breeders playset.

5. Conrad Bennish action figure with joint and removable eyes.

4. Book: 101 Kromagg beauty tips.

3. Tears in my Fro-pillow

2. Mel Torme' action figure

1. Invisible Quinn action figure (from Gillian of the Spirits)

Top ten nicknames given to Sliders fans...

10. "Slidies"

9. "Slididians"

8. "Slidans"

7. "Slidtopians"

6. "Sli-Stallones"

5. "Slidentates"

4. "Slider-guys"

3. "Who?"

2. "Sli-huahuas"

1. "Servants of the all-mighty Bennish"

Top ten Sliders / Movie crossovers I would like to see...

10. Joe's Apartment (I haven't even seen the movie yet, but it seems like a good joke)

9. Pulp Fiction (Think about it, Remmy with an afro talking to a long-banged Arturo inhis red caddy. Arturo: You know what gets me about these worlds? It's the subtle diffences. You knowwhat they called a big mac on the last world? They called it a big mic with cheese.

8. Independence Day (Think about THAT sceen!) Wade: First the Kromaggs, now this!?

7. Ghostbusters (In what would no doubt be a funny sceen, the ghostbusters wouldprobably blast the wormhole just as quickly as it appears.

6. Rumble in the Bronx (The sliders pop out of the wormhole into the lap of anadrinaline-charged Jakie Chan only to be shredded in five seconds)

5, Striptease (Why not?)

4. What's Love Got to do With It? (Rembrandt beats up Ike and takes Tina as his own)

3. Star Wars (Arturo and Darth Vadar get into a shouting match just to see who has thecooler voice)

2. Dances With Wolves (The indians give the sliders new names. Quinn - "Thinks-Too-Much", Wade - "Goody-Two-Shoes", Arturo - "Buffalo-Butt", Rembrandt - "Sings-Like-A-Girl"

1. 12 Monkies (Just to make the plot even more confusing)

You know you're a JODSer* if...

10. You have an unnatrual hatred of Richard Simmons

9. When the camera is on Wade, Rembrandt, or Arturo, you are screaming, "PUT ITBACK ON JERRY! PUT IT BACK ON JERRY!"

8. You have an unnatural attraction to the fat kid in, "Stand By Me."

7. You have said, "Joe's Apartment" would've been spectacular if those f@#$ing roacheshadn't been in it!"

6. You mutter unholy things when Sliders is pre-empted.

5. You lick the TV screen during certain sceens in "Love Gods" and "Fever"

4. You didn't cry at the end of "ol' Yeller", but you did at the end of, "Luck of the Draw"

3. You have more than 10 pictures of Jerry in your junk drawer.

2. You hate the bakery woman in, "Love Gods"

1. You like Jerry's, "Calender Girl" haircut!

*NOTE: For those of you who don't know, JODSer is an acronym for the Jerry O'ConnelDroolers Sociey, a gaggle of girls who wants to own Quinn.

 

Top Ten Reasons why Sabrina Lloyd should go out with me...

1. I would've never been in a movie with talking roaches.

2. I have better off-camera hair.

3. I would've killed Ryan.

4. I am in love with her and wouldn't be hesitant to tell her.

5. I would not have brought Arturo or Rembrandt along (wink wink)

6. Number of dorky Quinn counterparts: 4. Number of dorky Donner counterparts: 0.

7. I wasn't fat as a kid.

8. I couldn't care less about quantum physics.

9. I would've stopped running from the Alasuarus just long enough to tell her she's beautiful when she's terrified.

10. In "Last Days" I wouldn't have bothered trying to fix the timer. I would've skipped right to the romance.

 

Top Ten Kromagg pick-up lines...

1. Did I mention my name is dreaded on 27 different Earths?

2. Those eyes... Those lips... That snout...

3. I know this quiet little Earth just down this vortex.

4. I love a woman with such prominent teeth!

5. You ever heard of Mel Torme'? I've got ten of 'em locked up at my place!

6. May I buy you another plate of eyes, my dear?

7. The homo-sapians? Nah! We let 'em go. Really!

8. That's a lovely pefume you're wearing. Let me guess, Oui Deh Humanity?

9. Since the moment I saw you gouge out that hippies eyes, I knew we were destined tobe together.

10. They don't call me, "The Killer Ape" for nothin' baby!

Signs That Arturo is Nuts...

10. Calls Rembrandt, "Honey muffin"

9. Rambles endlessly about the army of the twelve monkies.

8. Calles Quinn "Indy"

7. One whole episode goes by without him acting like an ass.

6. One missing suitcase. One bloody glove. One chase in a Bronco.

5. Begins substituting the phrase, "Blistering idiots" with "Leaping lizards"!

4. "Yes Rembrandt, I would very much like to hear you ramble about that lovely band you used to be in!"

3. "Do I remember Henry the Dog? Yes, he was delicious!"

2. "Do I remember Ryan? Yes, he was delicious!"

1. He talks with "Mr. Timer" (For those of you who don't get this one, think of Data instars Trek; Generations")

 

Reasons Why Quinn Mallory is Better than Wesley Crusher

10. Quinn dates.

9. Quinn went from being the fat kid in "Stand by Me" to being a heartrob in "Sliders". Wesley wentfrom being a dorky kid in "Stand by Me" to being a dorky kid on "Star Trek".

8. Quinn is a more believable (and less annoying) genious.

7. Wesley is hated by millions. Quinn is hated by Arturo.

6. Who's ever heard of a Wesley Crusher Drooler?

5. Quinn would never be caught dead in Wesley's "Rainbow Brite" uniform.

4. Wesley would've figured out hoe to fix the timer by now and would've ended the series.

3. Quinn isn't bound by the prime directive.

2. No one ever told Quinn to shut up while he was on the bridge.

1. Worf would beat up Wesley and think nothing of it. Worf would beat up Quinn and feel a little guilty.

 

Top Ten Changes That Would Be Made on Sliders if it were Produced by Disney

10. Theme would be a rock 'n roll rehash of, "It's a Small World After All."

9. Kromagg uniforms would never be complete without mickey mouse ears.

8. Arturo would ramble endlessly about the circle of life.

7. Instead of a digital clock, timer would be run by Mickey Mouse watch.

6. Every episode would end with tinkerbelle flying into the middle of the scene and hitting it with her wand.

5. Sliders would probably be boycotted by the church too.

4. Worlds would have names like, "frontierland", "tomorrowland", "fantasyland"... ect.

3. A song every five minutes.

2. More merchandising.

1. Not only would Henry the Dog be back, but he'd be able to talk too!

 

Least Known Functions of the Timer

10. Side-impact airbag.

9. Dial can be set to "whip", "beat", or "puree."

8. Doubles as celular phone.

7. Doubles as Gilette shaver.

6. Can inferface with coke and vending machines.

5. AM/FM radio.

4. In additon to wormholes, can also make those funny cartoon holes that lead to nowhere. (Excellent for escaping from Kromaggs)

3. Can detect ghosts and tell what class they are.

2. Walnut cracker.

1. Unlimited 10,000 earth warranty!

 

TOP TEN THINGS I EXPECTED TO SEE IN ELECTRIC TWISTER ACID TEST...

10. Bill Paxton and an airborne red pick-up.

9. Warner Brother's Lawyers.

8. Lions and tigers and bears (oh my!)

7. A flashing caption that says, "please don't sue!"

6. Acid of some sort.

5. Some kind of test.

4. Corey Fielman ranting about vampires.

3. Logan or Kromaggs (oh please! oh please! oh please!)

2. A house on a witch.

1. The villagers trying to burn Wade at the stake.

 

Top Ten Changes to the Timeline Since Quinn Changed the Past in "The Guardian"

10. Young Quinn grows up to become lightwieght boxing champ.

9. Quinn's homeroom teacher committed to a looney bin.

8. Bullies ambush young Quinn and rip him limb from limb.

7. Quinn grows up, marries Wade, has five kids.

6. Bopper infected by rabies. Goes on a twelve-block killing spree.

5. A big hole is riped in the sky and destroys everything.

4. One word: Kromaggs.

3. Quinn grow up never to invent sliding. Arturo wins nobel prize. Rembrandt wins Grammy.

2. Bopper eats Shcrodinger.

1. Quinn has sex-change operation. Changes name to Logan St. Clair.

 

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A DREAM MASTER...

10. Flaming red hair.

9. The nurses in the emergency room are actually NICE to him.

8. You find out that the rinestone studded glove is NOT an homage to Micheal Jackson.

7. Bullies in your neighborhood go to sleep and never wake up.

6. Your dog dies after he pets it.

5. His last name is Kruger.

4. He can get a date just by clearing his throat and showing his palm.

3. You haven't had to take finals in three years due to death of teacher.

2. He hangs around with a skinny, creep of a professor.

1. Your town has a large number of "self-induced choking deaths"

 

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A KROMAGG...

10. Never calls you by name. Just by "that homo-sapian next door."

9. There are an unusual amount of one-eyed people in your neighborhood.

8. Their favorite movie is "Planet of the Apes."

7. They chat over the fence... telepathically!!!

6. They have a manta ship on cinder-blocks in their front yard.

5. Sailors mistakenly think that their house is a brothel due to red wormholes.

4. Conversations about other people usually involve words like, "filthy Humans."

3. Their housekeeper is a strange monotone chick.

2. Pizzaboys check in, but they never check out.

1. Conversations about polotics usually include the phrase, "Well, when WE run things..."

 

changes to the show if Conrad Bennish Jr. became the fifth slider...

10. Better theme music. (Guitar riffs, heavy metal junk, ect...)

9. Arturo would remain behind.

8. Sliders turned into interdimentional jelly due to all of the "chicks" Bennish brings along.

7. Wade would throw him to the Kromaggs.

6. Dream Masters would've been destroyed due to the unpredictable nature of his brain.

5. He would probably date Logan.

4. Wormhole would reek of Corn-nuts and Shasta.

3. Probably get the sliders home to annoy Quinn and Arturo.

2. Ratings would skyrocket.

1. He would've kick Ryan's butt.

 

TOP TEN WAYS OF CELEBRATING THANKSGIVING ON EARTH 113

10. Basting Bennish.

9. Discovering a new Earth an blowing it to smithereens.

8. Football!!!

7. Making all of the Pope's counterparts do the hokey pokey.

6. Visit an Earth in the middle of the Macy's thanksgiving day parade... Blow the sh#t out of the Snoopy ballon.

5. Watching old home movies of the conquest of that stupid twister world.

4. Infiltrate the White House... Spray silly string on President.

3. Cranberries and eyeballs!!!

2. Get Mary drunk.

1. Being thankful for family and friends. What? You think just because they're bloodthirsty, hell-sent, demons, they aren't thankfull for family and friends!? Well, who's the bad guy now? You outta be ashamed of yourself!

 

TOP TEN THINGS THAT COULD SCARE A KROMAGG.

10. Roseanne's National Anthem.

9. The fact that ANY of them could've been the father of Madonna's baby.

8. Logan Saint Clare during THAT time of the month.

7. Barney.

6. The fact that a wormhole could open up on them in the shower.

5. The hearbreak of seriasis.

4. Being trapped in an elevator with Peewee Herman, Richard Simmons, and Sandra Bernhart.

3. The fact that someone will discover their love of women's underware,

2. A mirror.

1. Hi dad, this is my new boyfriend, Dennis Rodman!

 

TOP TEN MOST SOUGHT AFTER SLIDERS MERCHANDISE OF 1996...

10. The "Transforming Quinn" action figure. Just hit it really hard between the legs and he transforms into Logan Saint Clare.

9. "Blistering Idiots!" The Maximillion Arturo Autobiography.

8. "Rules of the Game" the Home Game!

7. "Shirtless Quinn Video Collection" The Video Collection for the JODSers. Contains "Fever", "Love Gods", and "State of the Art" among others.

6. "Donner's Complete Book of Sliders Parodies and Fiction" featuring the populare stories, "Since the World is Hollow I Must Have Touched the Ground", "The Tooth is Out There", and "Hybrid". Many of which can be found at his website, http://www.wcc.net/~donner . Can you say "Shamless Self-Promotion"? I knew you could.

5. Rembrant Toothpaste

4. "...The Hell!? Video Collection" Contains the most hard-to- understand episodes, including "As Time Goes By", "Time Again and World", and "Electric Twister Acid Test"

3. "Mary Sings the Macarena!"

2. "Pin the Eyes on the Bennish" game.

1. "Tickle Me Arturo!"

 

TOP TEN REASONS WHY DONNER SHOULD REPLACE JOHN RHYS-DAVIS...

10. I can belch "blistering idoits" and "the star spangled banner" at once!

9. I would be all over Sabrina Llyod in ten minutes.

8. I can sing better than Rembrandt.

7. Because I'm a funny guy... that's why!

6. I would talk to the camera just like Gary Shandling.

5. Rembrandt needs someone to kick in the wormhole.

4. Somebody's gotta land on Rembrandt.

3. I do not fear Kromaggs.

2. I would date Logan Saint Clare with the full knowledge that she is Quinn's double and thet she wanted to kill me.

1. I'm desperate for work!!!!!!!!!!

 

TOP TEN REASONS WHY JOHN RYHS DAVIS IS (REALLY) LEAVING SLIDERS

10. To boost ratings, writers where going to make him a lesbian.

9. There is a possibility of another Indiana Jones Movie and he wanted to make sure his shedule would be clear.

8. Tired of Sabrina Lloyd grabbing his butt.

7. No longer wants to be called, "the fat guy from Indiana Jones" on the set anymore.

6. Tired of my fat jokes? Could it be possible that I'M to blame!?

5. TLC's "Archeology" tricked him into signing a slave contract.

4. Tired of Jerry O'Connell's endless shirtless sceenes.

3. Upset because no one every started a JRDDSers society.

2. Mad because Jerry got the Joe's Apartment role he wanted.

1. He's sick of his two-year bad hair day!!!

 

Rejected Alternate Titles for the Sliders Christmas Episode...

10. It's a Wonderful Wade.

9. Rembrandt the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

8. Jingle Hell, Jingle Hell, Jingle all the Way!

7. Joy to the Worlds.

6. Fa La La La La, La La La Die.

5. Bennish Roasting on an Open Fire.

4. 'Twas the Slide Before Christmas.

3. Shopping Maul.

2. I Saw a Kromagg Choking Santa Claus.

1. Santa Looks a Lot Like That Fat Guy From Indiana Jones!

 

TOP TEN REJECTED FINAL WORDS OF PROFESSOR ARTURO

10. "Ouch!"

9. "I took a bullet for you!? Oh, MAN!!! What was I thinking!?"

8. "...rosebud..."

7. "This... was my favorite... shirt!"

6. "Now I'll never know if I was the evil Arturo!"

5. (grabs Quinn's face) "Remember!"

4. "I'm hungry."

3. "I see a bright light! I... no... wait, that's the pulsar."

2. "Rickman just slid? Well, I'll see you guys in a few minutes!"

1. (choking Quinn) "If I'm going to hell, I'm taking you with me Quinn Mallory!!!"

I know it's a little unusual, but "Flashbiker" added some new additions to this list and they were too good to ignore!

0. "Quinn...I am your father!"

-1. "This sucks..huh huh."

-2. "Bullet no fun. Brain no work. Me no likey"

-3. "Resistance is futile!"

-4. "Red rum."

-5. "Wade, you're stepping on my crotch."

-6. "When you guys find that blistering idiot Rickman I want you to beat the living crap out of him."

-7. "Damn! On top of everything else, I think I just lost my wallet."

-8. "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me...Oh, yeah, he already did."

-9. "Rembrandt...be a man and stop crying already!"

-10. "Quinn, if you make it home you'll come back for me...right?" Quinn-"Uh...sure...absolutely."

 

TOP TEN THINGS FOX IS MORE-THAN-LIKEY GOING TO PRE-EMPT SLIDERS WITH

10. The World's Most Scariest Shopping Cart Accidents IV.

9. The Married with Children Episode in which Al finally snaps and blows away his entire family with an AK-47.

8. Power Rangers Zero (I mean Zeo)

7. Movie of the Week: Revenge of the Nerds VII: Nerds in Space.

6. The People's Court: Wapner on Ice.

5. A "Babes" Marathon. (If you don't remember that show... be grateful)

4. The World's Most Scariest Vasectimies III.

3. The Tick vs. The Big Bad Beetleborgs.

2. The Best of the Chevy Chase Show... and then at 7:05... (Rimshot! HA!!! Thank you!)

1. Logan Loves Chatchie.

 

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT MAGGIE COULD BE A HOMICIDAL MANIAC

10. Nervous ticks everytime she hears the sound of running water.

9. She got really, REALLY angry when she lost her gun.

8. She fought flesh eating zombies in a hospital full of dead guys and didn't seemed to be bothered one tiny bit.

7. The peice of human flesh hanging from her lips.

6. Keeps whispering/argueing/crying to herself.

5. Notice how we never saw those ten coma patients on Maggie's new world? Notice how Maggie never seems to be hungry?

4. Maggie confided to Wade that she missed "The Breeder"

3. She suffers from a loss of self-idenity from being named after another sci-fi character coupled with the fact that her schema induces considerable violent and conflictive behavior to those around her. In addition, she has recently suffered the loss of a husband, a planet, family, freinds, and was betrayed by a superior officer... in other words, she's a psycho hose beast.

2. She's a pistol packin' mama.

1. Keeps telling other sliders... "YOU ARE DEAD!!! ALL OF YOU!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR FACES OFF!!!"

 

More Reasons Why Sliding is Better Than Sex...

10. An episode can last an hour. Think about THAT for a moment!

9. The worse thing anyone ever caught from sliding was the Q.

8. "sssssssliderssssss" Has an interesting subliminal effect when spoken slowly to a lover.

7. Getting arrested while sliding is far less embarassing.

6. No matter how ugly or socally unacceptable you are, you'll always have a babe named Logan chasing after you.

5. A wormhole can transport up to 400 people. Sex involes two... or more if you are a pervert.

4. Talking about sliding to friends will not land you in hot water with a signifigant other.

3. No foreplay... everything is treated on the go.

2. No one can arrest you for paying to slide.

1. No more worries about being crushed by Arturo!!!

 

Top ten ways to resurrect Arturo...

10. Make a clone from the DNA left over from the drool on his twinkie wrappers.

9. Pick up the evil Arturo. I'm sure no one would notice.

8. Maggie infected with a new form of the breeder that makes her gain weight and scream "blistering idiots!" at everyone.

7. Arturo returns on the Enterprise-C, but has to go back when he realizes that he has altered the timeline in a way causing IHOP resturants never to have been built.

6. Slide to "Raiders" world. Steal Indiana Jones' assistant.

5. Arturo's badly decomposed body pulls itself from the ground, devours the sliders, and slides home.

4. Wade has Arturo's love child that suffers from rapid aging a happens to look just like the professor.

3. Kromaggs track down the sliders and give them Arturo back. Kromagg: Here is your friend with our tracking dev... uh, I mean... our blessing.

2. Rembrant possessed by Arturo's evil spirit. Spends rest of his life in a rage.

1. Special Guest Star: Pavoratti!!!

 

TOP TEN STATEMENTS THAT WILL SEND A SLIDERFAN INTO A HOMICIDAL RAGE

10. "Sliders? Isn't that that time travel show?"

9. "Well, if you ask me, I always thought that Space: Above and Beyond was better."

8. "Wade Welles? You mean the skinny chick?"

7. "I REALLY wanted to know who John Lawless was."

6. "Electric Twister Acid Test was my favorite episode!"

5. "Rembrandt's music sucks."

4. "Don't you love that new theme music?"

3. "Sliders? Isn't that the show with that fat guy from Indiana Jones?"

2. "Well, I just watched Sliders because I was waiting for Millenium to come on... now THAT'S a good show!"

1. "This sucks... change it!"

TOP TEN STATEMENTS THAT WILL SEND A "JODSer" INTO A HOMICIDAL RAGE

10. "Can't Quinn keep his shirt on for one episode!?"

9. "Hey, isn't that that fat kid from "Stand by Me"?"

8. "I don't care what you think. Rembrandt is cuter."

7. "You know, I heard he was gay!"

6. "I thought that guy was in rehab!"

5. "I wish that Jerry would try something new... LIKE ACTING!!!"

4. "I bet Bill Nye could get these guys home!"

3. "Wade can do so much better than that!"

2. "Look at the size of that nose!"

1. "I hope they kill him off next!"

Top Ten Signs You're Taking The Professor's Death WAY Too seriously...

10. You beg strangers on the street to call you a blistering idiot.

9. Your nights now consist of watching old sliders episodes and crying into your bag of Ruffles.

8. You have a voodoo doll shaped like Maggie.

7. You've worn black ever since "The Exodus Part Two"

6. You've started a memorial fund.

5. You've tried contacting him in a seance.

4. You're a fourteen year old male who is not turned on by Maggie's breasts.

3. You've decided to spend every precious moment possible with your own physics professor who is thinking about issueing a restraining order.

2. All you do all day is visit the netforum and bitch about Maggie.

1. You can't get past the fact that he's gone and is more-than-likey never coming back so you take your frustrations out on Kari Wuher and those who support her without realizing that the post-Arturo episodes of the third season have been the best. In othe words... GET OVER IT!!! IT'S JUST A TV SHOW!!!

 

TOP TEN THINGS DONNER WANTS FOR HIS BIRTHDAY...(May 27th)

10. Sliders to be renewed.

9. Kari Wuher in a wet t-shirt.

8. Supreme unyeilding power over the world and all on it.

7. cake.

6. Kromaggs to invade "Saved by the Bell" world.

5. Sliders to be renewed.

4. Peace, love, harmony, and all that crap.

3. To wake up and realize that "Slither" was nothing but a terrible nightmare.

2. Sliders to be renewed.

1. A LIFE!!!

 

Things You Will Never Hear on Sliders...

10. Quinn: "I-I-I Don't know what's going on!!!"

9. Wade: "Has anyone seen that delightful Maggie anywhere?"

8. All Sliders: "Yes Rembrandt, why don't you tell us about your 1984 concert in Dallas!"

7. Rembrandt: "Quinn, forget about that stupid squeaking gate test! IT DON'T WORK, MAN!!!"

6. Quinn: "Maggie, put on a shirt!"

5. Maggie: "Quinn, put on a shirt!"

4. Wade: "Next season, I'm going to dye my hair green!"

3. Kromagg to Quinn: "There's a hole in your mind!"

2. Maggie taking off mask: "It's me!!! Logan St. Claire!!!"

1. Wade: "Quinn, there's a Fox Mulder here to see you."

 

TOP TEN WAYS TO DISMISS THE 3rd SEASON WHEN SLIDERS RETURNS

10. Sliders slide to our universe and beat up FOX producers... Timeline shifts accordingly.

9. Entire 3rd Season was a hallucenational side effect of Wade's red hair dye.

8. Quinn wakes up in bed with Wade... It was all a dream.

7. Rembrandt clicks heals together and repeats "There's no place like home" over and over again.

6. One of Maggie's breast implants breaks and causes a rift in the space time continuum completely erasing the past year.

5. Arturo returns 400 pounds heavier with own gravitational pull. Same effect as above.

4. Just dismiss it and give no reason! Given the lack of continuity so far, I don't think anybody would notice!

3. Explain that at one point, Sliders began following the adventures of a set of Sliders counterpart idiots.

2. Another pulsar eradiates Earth and causes all the memories of the past year to be erased. (Except for Logan and The Guardian of course)

1. Quinn wakes up and realizes that the 3rd season was actually a vast illusion created by the Kromaggs and he is still being held on Earth 113 and has had various parts of his body removed. Quinn: THANK GOD!!!

 

Top Ten Ways to Keep Sabrina Lloyd on Sliders...

10. Hypnotize male sliders to tear Maggie limb from limb and worship Wade.

9. Let her dye her hair ANY COLOR SHE WANTS!!!

8. Three words: Assistant Executive Producer. (Hey! It got Patrick Stewart back for Star Trek 9!)

7. Let her go one on one... mano a mano with Logan Saint Clare in a battle to the death.

6. STOP MAKING HER SO DAMN WEAK AND WHINEY!!!! (calm Don... calm!)

5. Make one whole episode about Wade fighting Klingons... "The Wade of the Warrior"

4. Make Quinn chase her (and not vise versa)

3. Maggie and Wade in feirce battle to the death.

2. TRUCKLOADS OF CASH!!!

1. Let her know how much the fans love her. We really do Sabrina. Don't leave! Pleeeeeeese!

 

Top Ten Ways to Make Maggie More Likeable...

10. Pull that enormous bug out of her ass!

9. Let her smile every once in a while!

8. Slide to a world where they meet a Maggie counterpart who acts like Donna Reed (Hey, I'D watch that one!)

7. Maggie thrown back in time and meets ancient warror with power over animals... Oops... that's been done.

6. Make her a mysterious gypsy who's uncle curses a fat guy and... No, wait... that's been done.

5. Have her venture out into the amazon and fight off a huge snake only to... damn... that's been done twice!

4. Replace the chimpanzee who's been writing her dialouge!

3. Stop making her act like such a floozy!

2. Oh, I don't know... let her have real emotions... act realistically and professonally... stop making her such a bitch.

1. In one episode, she kicks Logan Saint Clare's ass... destroys the Kromagg Dynasty... Helps Quinn and Wade find true love in each other... helps lauch Remmy's singing career... ressurrects the professor... and kicks the ass of every single FOX executive on the planet!

 

CHANGES FOX TRIED TO MAKE TO SLIDERS (BUT NEVER GOT TO)...

10. Quinn gets a nose enlargement. Along with Wade's red hair, they go off to solve mysteries of the unknown.

9. Sliders land on a world where everyone has yellow skin. Meet annoying spikey haired kid who tells them not to have a cow.

8. New character is a cute little robot who spends the entire show running around screaming eye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!

7. Wade and Maggie land on a world where breast enlargments are mandatory.

6. Quinn and Maggie get married and have two kids that don't respect them. Lack of money forces Quinn to take a job in a ladies shoe store.

5. Entire sliders bunch hacked to death by some wack-o from Milliennum.

4. Shirts vs. Skins basketball game episode with the folks from New York Undercover. Wade and Maggie on Skin's side.

3. Quinn and Rembrandt spend entire episode in black suits hunting aliens.

2. Quinn gets beat up by a redneck from Arlen, Texas.

1. KILL EVERYONE BUT MAGGIE!!!

 

Top ten unfilmed FOX sliders episodes....

10. SLIDE/OFF - Through a bizzare twist of fate, Maggie and Wade switch faces and spend the entire episode trying to kill each other. Meanwhile, an evil scientist steals the timer.

9. SLIDERS IN BLACK - Quinn and Remmy are recruited by the intergalactic border patrol. Meanwhile, an evil zombie steals the timer.

8. SLIDE HARD - The Sliders have to save a group of nuns being held in a high-rise that is rigged to explode. Meanwhile, an evil terrorist steals the timer.

7. BOOGIE SLIDES - Quinn and Maggie have to go undercover (pardon the pun) in a pornography studio to rescue Wade from vampires. Meanwhile, an evil director steals the timer.

6. SLIDER'S PEAK - The sliders must escape a volcano that is about to erupt and a army of supernatural rock-men. Meanwhile, an evil vulcanologist steals the timer.

5. I KNOW WHERE YOU SLID LAST SUMMER - The sliders must escape Logan St. Clair and her army of supernatual tarantualas. Meanwhile, an evil enotomologist steals the timer.

4. STARSHIP SLIDERS - The sliders are recruited by an intergalactic army to help wipe out giant bugs. Quinn feels inadequate when he is forced to shower with Wade and Maggie. Meanwhile, an evil drill seargent steals the timer.

3. SLIDE FORCE ONE - The sliders must save the president of the United States (special guest star: Michael York) from terrorists and their army of supernatural crickets on Air Force One. Meanwhile, an evil first lady steals the timer.

2. SLIDEMAKER - The sliders join forces with George Clooney to disarm a nuclear bomb in the city. Meanwhile, an evil Batman steals the timer.

1. QUINN MALLORY: INTERNATIONAL SLIDER OF MYSTERY - Quinn is forced to travel the globe searching for the other sliders who were kidnapped by supernatural robots. Meanwhile, an evil FOX executive steals the timer.

More Unfilmed FOX Episodes...

10. SLIDE PARK - The Sliders end up in a small Colorado town. Quinn is kidnapped and analy probed by aliens, and spends the rest of the episode farting fire. Meanwhile, an evil proctologist steals the time.

9. WHATS SLIDING GOT TO DO WITH IT? - Wade finally decides to start a singing career and Rembrandt becomes her manager. However, when the crying man becomes possed by the evil spirit of a dead rock star, be becomes very abusive. Meanwhile, an evil drummer steals the timer.

8. A SLIDE LESS ORDINARY - Maggie is kidnapped by a bumbling thief who holds her for a ransom. As the episode progresses, Maggie and the kidnapper fall in love but the kidnapper is killed by an army of supernatural termites. Meanwhile, an evil Druid steals ther timer.

7. THE SLIDERS ADVOCATE - The Sliders are forced to get jobs as interns at the FOX network. They soon find out they are working for Satan. Meanwhile, Rembrandt drops the timer down a toliet.

6. U-SLIDE - The Sliders waste an hour in a backwards town with a hick mechanic (Special guest star Micheal York). Meanwhile, Oliver Stone steals the timer and blames Fidel Castro, the mafia, and the CIA.

5. SLIDAY, THE 13th - Maggie pisses of a hockey player who tries to kill her. However, when the Hockey player (named Mason) is hit by a truck, his evil spirit continues to pursue the sliders! Meanwhile, an evil goalie steals the timer.

4. MAGGIE BROWN - In this ultraviolent episode, Maggie is turned into a media sensation when her breasts plop out on national TV. This spins her into a life of violence, drugs, and sex, however, by the end of the episode she finds out it was all a dream and learns the true meaning of Christmas. Meanwhile, nothing happens to the timer.

3. SLIDE HOME ALONE - When Rembrandt misses the wormhole, he has to wait for the other sliders to come back and get him. Things are complicated when three Kromagg troops (Guest stars Joe Pesi, Daniel Stern, and Micheal York) try to invade Remmy's booby-traped hideout. Meanwhile, an evil Macualy Culkin steals the timer.

2. SLIDACCA - The Sliders end up in a genetically perfect world where they are considered genetic garbage and deemed to die by being fed to the city's giant mutant hamster. Meanwhile, an evil Au Pair Nanny steals the timer.

1. THE SLIDE ELEMENT - The Sliders end up involed in a great cosmic chase to save the universe from evil by obtaing five magical stones that destroy stupidity. However, when the stones are activated, the FOX Network is wiped out of existance causing history to collapse and time to explode and release an army of supernatural maneating goldfish. Meanwhile, the Mondoshiwan ambassitor (Guest Star: Micheal York) mistakes the timer for a cel phone and spends the entire episode trying to order a pizza with it.

 

TOP TEN WAYS TO GET FIRED FROM THE SLIDERS SET

10. Show up your first day wearing a multicolored clown wig and a big sign saying "John 3:16"

9. Everytime you see Charlie O'Connell, give him a drink order.

8. Keep asking Kari Wuher, "Would you like to see MY anaconda?"

7. Ask Jerry O'Connell if he can get you Wil Wheaton's autograph.

6. Hold up score cards everytime the actors jump into or out of a wormhole.

5. Wear a "The Visitor" T-shirt and a "Millennium" hat.

4. Drive Clevant Derricks crazy by repeatedly asking "Where's the mustache?"

3. Show up with a forged press release saying Sliders is moving back to FOX.

2. Playing "Find the timer" during shoots.

1. Keep asking Jerry O'Connell if he can show you a dead body too.

 

TOP TEN REASONS THE KROMAGGS LOOK DIFFERENT...

10. All the Kromaggs in "Invasion" were wearing masks to hide their identity.

9. All the new Kromaggs have the brains to stay out of the sun.

7. The Kromaggs have hired better image consultants.

6. Two words: Cheaper makeup

5. Jem'Hadar kept landing on their earth thinking that they were long lost cousins or something.

4. Tired of being refered to as: Monkey men.

3. They all want to look a little less like Sandra Bernhart (ouch!)

2. Want to start a KroDSers movement. (good luck!)

1. Three words: Oil of Ole'.

Top Ten Things Charlie O'Connell is Saying Right This Minute...

10. But, Jerry, this kangaroo suit is too hot!
9. What do you mean I'm not in "Dude Where's My Car II?"
8. Hi, I'm Jerry O'Connell's brother. Wanna make out?
7. What do you mean you won't give me 5 dollars for an autograph!?
6. Please stop calling me Chuck, Mr. Peckinpah.
5. What!? I didn't get nominated for a Golden Globe again!?
4. Hey, this top ten list is pretty funny. I feel sorry for the guy it's about!
3. What? I'm not riding your coatails, Jerry! You're not even wearing any!
2. Hi, I know Kari Wuhrer... Wanna make out?

And the number one thing that Charlie O'Connell is saying right this minute...

1. Would you like fries with that?