Enterprise: Ben’s Adventure
You know, the introductions are probably the hardest part of these
stupid parodies.  So I'm not going to write one.  That way you can get
done quicker and go read some of my other parodies.  You can email me
pilot12@excite.com.  By the way, I'm the creator of Star Trek: 
Continental.  And yes, that name is stupid.

I'd like to dedicate this to the girl I hope to take to prom.  Bet you
wish you knew who that is.



				On Board the Enterprise E


{Riker is leaving to go to a "conference" on Risa, if you know what I
mean}

Troi:		Bye Will, don't forget to write!
Worf:		Please kill someone for me!
Picard:	Don't forget to never come back! 
Crusher:	I won't miss you!
Data:		The U.S.S Stoned is ready to go.
Picard:	Stoned?  What the **** kind of name is that for a ship. 
		Is the Federation a bunch of drug dealers now?  Oh well,
		hurry up and beam him over.
Data:		They have confirmed Commander Riker's transport.
Picard:	Good, now blow them out of the sky, Mr Worf.
Worf:		Serious?
Picard:	Would it matter if I wasn't?
Worf:		No.  Torpedoes away.  Target destroyed.  
Picard:	Very good.  If anyone wants to question my orders, now is
		the time to do it.  No one?  Good, I've trained you well.
		Now, with Riker dead, I can maybe sing solo.
Troi:		{muttered} Hopefully so low we can't hear you.
Data:		Captain, I am detecting a life sign.  
Picard:	Drat, it better not be Riker.  Beam him to the bridge.{Data
		beams him to the bridge}  Good gosh, it's Ben 	Schlegel!
Ben:		I just flew in from the U.S.S Continental and boy are my
		arms tired!
Troi:		Who are you?
Ben:		I am Ben Schlegel III-
Worf:		Where are the other two of you?
Ben:		-Prince and ruler of Atlantis.
Picard:	{incredulously}  You are the ruler of Atlantis?
Ben:		Of course I am the ruler of Atlantis!
Data:		You do realize Mr Schlegel that Atlantis sunk over four
		thousand years ago?
Ben:		{with great sarcasm} Nooooooooooooo, you're kidding.
Data:		I am an android, I do not kid.
Ben:		Of course I knew it was sunk!  I'm the ruler, you'd think I
		would know when my country had sunk.
Data:		Well sorrrrrry.  Just bite my head off.
Ben:		Trust me, I could've.
Picard:	I'm hungry-
Ben:		And I'm German.
Picard:	-let's go get something to eat, shall we?
Ben:		Sure.  {they enter the turbolift}  Let me ask you a question
		Captain Picard.  How come you guys never do anything 	
		exciting, like get into fights?  All you do is say 'Ohno
		they are going to fire nuclear hydrogen atomic bomb on us.
		Let's talk until they get too bored and they have to sign a
		peace treaty.'
Picard:	Mr Schlegel, let's get something straight.  Star Trek is and
		was and example of hope and human perserverance.  When
		people watched this it was during the Cold War, with humans
		constantly killing or threatning to kill each other. 
		Watching Star trek gave them hope for the future.  Man would
		survive and prosper and live united, Communists, Nazis,
		Socialists, and Democrats.  
Ben:		Perhaps so, but it's boring.  Maybe you old bald guys think
		peace is cool, but peace doesn't sell.  If you want to you
		want to get the younger generation to watch, you have some
		fighting.  Star Trek has so much potential.  You need to
		make it more like Star Wars and WWf wrestling.  You have
		excitement-
Picard:	-and sex.  That's what all you perverted teenagers want. 
		That's all you think about.  You can't control your 	
		emotions.
Ben:		Well, at least I'm not boring.
Data:		Captain, sorry to interrupt your dinner.  We have been
		attacked by a new species who claim to have declared eternal
		war on the Federation.  Worf asks permission to kill them.
Picard:	Tell Worf no, and I'm on the way to the bridge now.  Sorry
		to interrupt dinner Ben, but I have to go save the galaxy.
Ben:		Peacefully I suppose.
Picard:	If they've declared eternal war on the Federation, maybe we
		can get in one or two good fights.
Ben:		That would be cool. {both look at each other and start
		laughing}
		Hoooo boy, that was funny Jean Luc.  You do have a sense of
		humor.


					On the Bridge
Data:		Captain, they have requested permission to fire as soon as
		you entered the bridge.
Picard:	Granted.  But Worf, no matter what, do not fire back. 
		Remember, peace.
Worf:		With all due respect, I will give you a piece of me. 	
		{punches Picard}
Picard:	{rubs head} You knocked off all my hair!
Troi:		{whispered to Ben} I think he knocked off some brain cells
		too.
Ben:		Do I need to seperate you two?
Worf:		Do I need to seperate your shoulder?
Data:		They have opened fire.
Picard:	Ben, you'll give me your opinions, I now designate you first
		officer.  Now then what do we do?
Ben:		Fire weapons.
Picard:	Good idea.  Offer them a peace treaty.
Data:		They say the only peace treaty they will accept is our
		death.
Worf:		Shields at 77%.  Permission to fire phasers.
Picard:	no no no.  We don't want to seem agressive and damage future
		relations with their species.
Ben:		Are you an idiot?-
Worf:		Yes he is.
Ben:		There won't be any future relations with their species
		because we will be dead.
Picard:	Fire a warning shot off their port bow.  Don't hit them,
		just scare them a little.
Worf:		Grrrrrrrrrrr.  Firing phaser.  They have beamed aboard the
		Enterprise and are now raping our women, killing our 	
		children and pillaging the villages.
Picard:	Good, I hate children.  And women too.  
Worf:		Shields at 25%.  They have now destroyed the saucer section.
Picard:	Worf, you tried that in the last parody.
Worf:		Did it work?
Picard:	No.
LaForge:	They have stolen the warp core.
Picard:	Hold your fire.  Do not egg the them on.
Worf:		{whining} Captain, they are spray painting graffiti on our
		hull.
Picard:	Fire another warning shot and send them some empty 	
		threats that they and we know won't happen.
Ben:		Fire the freaking phasers!
Data:		Sensors have picked up an energy surge. {Q appears}
Q:		Hello Jean Luc.  What happened to Riker?
Picard:	I killed him.
Q:		Well it's about time.  Well well well.  What do we have
		here?  Another test of your Star Trek morals.  This species
		has declared eternal war on you and is going to destroy you
		and Gene Roddenbery won't let you fire your weapons.  I'm
		sure Worf has recommended you kill them a million times, at
		least.
Worf:		I did not give you permission to talk.
Q:		Worf, go shove your face in a blender.
Worf:		I'll shove your very very very lower abdomen in the blender.
Data:		One more hit and our shields will be destroyed.
Picard:	Worf, fire two more warning shots, then send them some more
		empty threats.
Data:		They have just stolen our warp nacelle.
Picard:	Oh well, we didn't need it anyway.  They stole our warp
		engine so we don't need our nacelles.  Release our other
		nacelle so they don't have to waste energy to steal it.
Data:		Shields have failed.
Picard:	Give them our deflector control since we won't need that
		anymore.
Q:		Very inventive Jean Luc.  Play dead by giving them 	
		practically the whole ship then attacking them when they
		least expect it.
Picard:	Hey thats a good idea, except it won't work.
Ben:		Why not?
Picard:	It involves attacking them.
Q:		Jean Luc, sometimes I wonder what this universe would be
		like if you fought every species you encountered like the
		Klingons do.
Picard:	Mr Worf, fire a torpedo but set it to detonate well out
		side of there shields so we don't hurt them.
Troi:		Captain, I sense nothing but malevolence from them.  We
		cannot expect any mercy.
Picard:	Don't worry.  We'll win.  The good guys always win.
Ben:		How do you know we're the good guys?
Worf:		Kill them.  Now.  Before I have to kill you.
Q:		Big words from a small man.  All you can say is kill, maim,
		destroy.  I swear, learn some bloody English and say 	
		something else.
Ben:		Aw man, let the end be quick.
Data:		The enemy is turning around for their final pass.
Worf:		We can still destroy them Captain.  					
		Just...fire...weapons...please.
Picard:	Very well.  Abandon ship!
Ben:		What?
Worf:		Surely you aren't serious.
Picard:	Yes I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
Q:		Come now Picard, certainly you can think of a better 
		joke than that.
		{ben whacks Picard with a pool stick}
Picard:	Now what did you do that for?
Ben:		Sorry, your head looked like a cueball.
Data:		I am detecting intruders.  They're heading toward 
		the bridge.
Picard:		Phasers on stun.  Don't shoot them. 
Q:		Oh no, what evil scheme has the enemy cooked up next?
		 {the intruders run onto the bridge}
Worf:		It's raptors!  Kill or be killed!
Everyone:	AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Data:		A new ship has decloaked off the starboard bow.  
		{the raptors disappear}
		They have beamed the raptors into space, and have 
		destroyed the enemy ship.
Picard:		Is it Starfleet?
Data:		Yes.  Starfleet's newest ship.  The Continental.
Picard:		They actually fired their weapons and killed all 
		those people?
Data:		Yes.
Worf:		Captain, I would like to request a transfer.
Picard:		Not now Worf.  Who is the Captain of the Continental?  
Data:		Captain Adam Brinkman.  He was recently demoted for 
		rebelling against the engineer and became apple peeler 
		second class.  He has now been promoted back to Captain.
Picard:		And he actually fired his weapons on an innocent ship?
Troi:		I would hardly call them innocent Captain.  They fired 
		on us.  They started it.
Ben:		What's the big deal?  So some Starfleet Captain's do have 
		guts after all.  Leave the poor guy alone.
Picard:		Hail him, NOW!!!!!!
Brinkman1:	Greetings Captain Jean Luc Picard.  I'm Captain Adam 		
		Brinkman of the U.S.S Continental.  It appears we have 
		saved your life.
Picard:		You have just made this parody interesting.  You idiot!
  		I will see to your court martial personally!  You've broken
		the Captains Hippocratic Oath!
Brinkman1:	Oh, wah wah, boo hoo, cry about it why don't you.
Picard:		I just might.  Worf, destroy that ship immediately.
Worf:		What!
Troi:		Huh?
Ben:		Captain, did you overdose on your psycho pills again today?
Data:		Do it or I will kill all of you!
Everyone:	Gasp!
Q:		Yeah, Data, you go!
Ben:		Release your control over Data, Q!
Brinkman1:	This is the Continental.  I am sending you the codes os 
		you can trap Q in a little box.  My engineer just thought 
		them up and says they will work.
Ben:		Initiate those codes, Mr Worf!
Picard:		Stop it stop it, this is too exciting!  It must be boring!
Q:		Oh no, how could this be happening?  I am being sent back to 	
		the Continuum. NOoooooooooooooooooooooo! {Q disappears}
Ben:		Mr Worf, please escort Ex captain Picard to the brig.
Worf:		My pleasure.
Ben:		Thank your engineer for sending the codes to control Q and
 		thanks for proving to me there are some Star Trek ships 
		who aren't afraid of firing their weapons.
Brinkman1:	No problem Commander.  We were just about to go 			destroy
		a bunch of Jem Hadar.  Would you care to join us?
Ben:		If you could loan us a warp engine and some nacelles, I 
		might just take you up on your offer.
Brinkman1:  	Until we talk again, Commander.
Ben:		Bye.
Brinkman1:	I'm not very good at pitch.
BEn:		Bye.
Brinkman1:	Was Watergate a dam?
Ben:		No, now leave me alone.

That is the end to this parody.  This turned out stupider than I expected 
so I'd like to apologize if sat through and read this whole thing.

Live Long and Prosper,
Tuvok, Vulcan Ambassador to Taco Bell
"Give me tacos or give me death."