Continental 9: Voyager
If anyone who reads this knows what Areba la rasa means,
please email me at mysteriojr7@excite.com.
This is the series of unknown proportion by Matt Troyer and
a book about Star Trek: Continental.
All the Star Trek characters are property of Paramount
except the Continental crew. I don't want to get sued, so
there is no enfringement intended on this or my previous
stories. Anything that has to with Taco Bell is probably
the property of Taco Bell. I like and support Taco Bell
every chance I get, which is why I have created the Vulcan
Ambassador to Taco Bell.
S: Stupidity.
N: Unnecessary reading.
A: Adolescent stupidity.
V: Unrealistic portrayal of women {and men}
L: Language barriers.
T: Time travel.
P: Explicit use of pies. {not very common}
Y: Explicit use of yams. {more common than you would think}
G: Stupid guest stars.
This parady contains: {S,N,A,G}
Captain: Adam Brinkman, Brinkman1, captain on paper only,
now Apple Peeler 2nd Class
First Officer: Gama, Vulcan
Head Engineer: Matt Troyer, power behind the throne,
everyone likes him better than Brinkman1
Ops: Joseph Amano
Security: Ario Bridges, Heran, genetically engineered
humans from some book I read
Doctor: Lauren Gardner
Just is there: Drew Kamler
Security guard: Carrie Brooks, a supermodel
Helm: Elizabeth Waltner/Andrew Brinkman{Brinkman2} switch
on an off because one is always in trouble, Waltner used to
be a janitor
Raeshaun: 117 1/5 year old man with a passion for sleeping,
was abandoned by a man who delcared war on Klingon Empire
Dustin Cullen: in last story went insane and melted and
crawled in ship's vent now ice cube in space
Gunther: popular chipmunk pet of Cullen, also ran in vent
Captain Cement: was promoted to Captain
On the Continental
Amano: It's WORMHOLE TIME!
Brinkman1: Isn't it time for me to be Captain?
Cement: Did you just say you were leading a mutiny against
me?
Brinkman1: No, but I have pogonophobia.
Bridges: What in the **** is pogonophobia?
Brinkman1: It's a fear of beards.
Kamler: So if I got you a poster of ZZ Top, would you
freak out and faint and do those cool
medical things?
Brinkman1: Yep.
Kamler: I know what I'm getting for your birthday.
Gardner: {runs onto the bridge} Like, I just the greatest
news!!!
Cement: Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, get off my BRIDGE!
Gardner W-
Amano: Like I said earlier, ITS WORMHOLE TIME!!!!!!
Brinkman2: Like I also said earlier, what are you
talking about?
Waltner: You didn't say that earlier.
BRinkman2: Did too.
Waltner: Did not.
Brinkman2: Did too.
Waltner: Did not.
Brinkman2: Did Too!
Waltner: Did Not!
Brinkman2: Did Too!!!
Waltner: Did Not!!!
Brinkman2: DID TOO!
Waltner: DID NOT!
Cement: Children, that's enough. Go to your rooms. {they
leave}
Gama: We now have no helmsmen, Captain.
Amano: A wormhole appeared in front of us about ten
minutes ago and they have been
hailing us.
Gama: The wormhole has been hailing us?
Amano: No, the ship that came out of the wormhole.
Cement: Well, why didn't you say something?
Amano: I did.
Cement: Oh. Put it on screen. {Captain Janeway appears}
Janeway: This is Captain Janeway of the starship Voyager-
Cement: I don't care who you are, I don't want insulting
my crew.
Janeway: I didn't.
Cement: Who did?
Janeway: It was probably Torres. You want to execute her?
Cement: No.
Janeway: Shoot.
Bridges: We are being fired upon by Voyager.
Cement: Janeway what do you think are doing?
Janeway: Tuvok, stop it, I did not tell you to fire those
weapons. Go have pon farr or something. And
Paris, stop making those faces behind my back.
Seven of Nine: Captain, I believe I have been on this ship
before.
Janeway: Your Borg implants are probably malfunctioning.
Go see the Doctor.
Seven of Nine: I cannot.
Janeway: Why?
Seven of Nine: I have deleted him.
Chakotay: We can worry about this later. What the Captain
means to say is that we are going to salvage your
ship due to maritime laws which state that any
ship found dead in space with no crew belongs to
the first one to successfully salvage it.
Cement: But we are on the ship. You can't salvage it with
a crew on board.
Chakotay: You won't be on board very long. Voyager out.
Gardner: Male pig.
Kamler: Hold on their a sec. When we make fun of
women it's only blondes we tell jokes
about. YEt we still get in trouble. But you
women make fun of all men, and it's
just "feminism."
Gama: Yes, please explain.
Gardner: Uh---
Troyer: {over intraship communications} A team from
Voyager has just beamed over and are trying
to take over the Continental. Or Raeshaun.
Or Utah. Or Enterprise. Or whatever we
decided to call it. OH NO THEY ARE ATTACKING
OUR TACO BELL!!
Cement: Good gob, not the Taco Bell. Fight with all your
might, man! Kamler, lead a security team
to engineering and don't let Voyager confiscate
our ship.
Brinkman1: While you're at it, kill Troyer.
Kamler: Ok.
Cement: Take anyone you need.
Kamler: Gama---
Cement: Except Gama.
Kamler: Bridges---
Cement: Not Bridges.
Kamler: Brooks---
Cement: And Brooks.
Kamler: Amano---
Cement: No Amano.
Kamler: Dang it. Don't tell me I have to take the
two Brinkmans.
Cement: Sorry. And Brinkman2 is in his quarters. You can
pick him up on your way to engineering.
Take Raeshaun too.
In Engineering
Troyer: {shouts} Give me tacos or give me
death!!!!!!!!!
Chakotay: Kill him Tuvok. He appears to be the leader.
Tuvok: I cannot.
Chakotay: Why not?
Tuvok: He is the Vucan Ambassador to Taco Bell.
Chakotay: Seven of Nine, you kill him.
7 of 9: I will not. But I will seduce him.
Chakotay: Seriously.
7 of 9: Yes, seriously.
Chakotay: You kill him Torres.
Torres: With pleasure. {runs over and tries to choke
him but accidentally gets
Brinkman2 instead}
Brinkman1: Oh my gob, they killed Andrew!!!! {Kamler
walks over to Chakotay}
Kamler: Let me kill him for you.
Troyer: Suck antimatter evil doer! {he kicks over the
warp core and it spills all over the
Voayager team and Kamler}
Brooks: Everyone run! {they all escape safely, except
the Voyager crew and Drew}
On Voyager
Janeway: What? They killed you?
Chakotay: Yeah, their studly engineer kicked the warp core
onto us.
Janeway: I guess the phrase 'Never underestimate the weight
of a medallion' fits this
situation.'
Tuvok: That analogy is irrelevent and makes
absolutley no sense.
Janeway: I don't care.
Kim: We are being hailed Captain.
Cement: Round one goes to us I believe.
Janeway: Screw you.
Cement: I'm glad you can't.
Janeway: What?
Troyer: How did you get lost sixty million light
years away from home. Sheesh, women drivers.
And why is Captain Picard bald? If we are in
the 24th century as you claim, shouldn't we
have a cure for baldness?
Janeway: Well, uh, um, DON'T QUESTION ME YOUNG MAN!!! Are
we clear?
Troyer: Actually, we're opaque.
Janeway: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHH!!! Let round two
begin!
On Continental
Chakotay: Tuvok, you and your group go left. we'll go
right.
Paris: How come you get to go right?
Chakotay: Because if you don't I will fry you with my
phaser.
Paris: And let you control the marching candles by
yourself?
Chakotay: What?
Paris: Way to type moron.
Chakotay: Go. Now. BEFORE I GET MAD!@@#$#%^#! {Chakotay
and his group leaves}
Tuvok: Let's go in the holodeck.
Torres: You better not be like that creepy vulcan and
make me have pon farr again.
Tuvok: Who is the bald guy standing in the middle of
the square with the ropes around it?
Crowd: Goldberg. Goldberg. Goldberg.
Paris: His name is Goldberg.
Tuvok: An astute observation.
Goldberg: Tuvok, YOU'RE NEXT!
Tuvok: Excuse me Mr Berg, are you talking to me?
{Goldberg spears all three of them, and then Jackhammers
them into the crowd.
Outside the Bridge
Chakotay: Boy, they sure are stupid. They let us get all
the way to the bridge without even
seeing us.
Troyer: {walks out with a bunch of huge security
guards} Or did we?
7 of 9: It appears we walked into a trap.
Chakotay: No kidding. What are you going to do now without
a warp core to kick on me?
Troyer: Probably pull the trap door out from under
your feet. {pulls trap door out and
Voyager team falls into space}
On Voyager
Janeway: He what? Did I hear you right?
Chakotay: Yes, he killed us again. Why do you make me
relive it again and again?
Kim: Captain, we are being hailed by the enemy ship.
Janeway: On screen.
Troyer: Hi.
Janeway: Who do you think you are going around killing my
crewmen left and right?
Troyer: Actually, just the right, The crewmen that
went left were just speared into the
railing.
Janeway: I hate you,
Troyer: I love you.
Janeway: Really?
Troyer: No, I lied. Round Two goes to me I believe?
Janeway: How about best out of five?
Troyer: Choose your game.
Brinkman1: Hey, I'm the Captain, don't I get any lines?
Troyer: No. Shut it. Choose your weapon.
Janeway: Rock paper scissors. Your Vulcan against my
Vulcan.
Troyer: Alright. Bring it. Right now. Let's go
Gama.
Gama: I am ready.
Janeway: Tuvok, you ready?
Tuvok: This is very illogical.
Troyer: Start on my noise. Gurgle.
Gama: Rock.
Tuvok: Rock.
Troyer: Try it again. Gurgle.
Gama: Paper.
Tuvok: Paper,
Troyer: Again.
Gama: Scissors.
Tuvok: Scissors.
Troyer: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! Amano, use our
interdimensional nacelles and send
Voyager back to earth so they will leave us
alone! {Voyager leaves}
Brinkman1: That was weird. Hey, Matt. I've got a
question for you. Why are we called
humans when our planet is called Earth. Romulans
are from Romulus. Cardassians are from
Cardassia. Why aren't we called Earthens or our
planet called Huma?
Troyer: I believe it has something to with the yam
theory. With the yams turmomg into
humans, they did not know exactly how to do
things worked, so they made a
mistake.
Kamler: {with sarcasm} Oh, that makes sense.
Troyer: Shut up, it does.
Brinkman1: At least we saved the Taco Bell.,
Troyer: Speaking of Taco Bell, everyone go there now
for tacos on me!!!!!!!
Everyone: YAAAAAAAAAA!
Okay, that was a dumb ending. If you can think of a better
ending email and I'll probably have it switched. I'm not
kidding. I will switch it. Seriously.
You cannot find me, you cannot trace me,
Sincerely
Matt Troyer-mysteriojr7@excite.com
Vulcan and Borg Ambassodor to Taco Bell
If your are hypnotized right now, go to andrew.brinkman.net
and tell them you love my stories and I should write more of
them.
P.S. I will anyway.