You've heard about these people out on a date who try to find a cutesy way of saying, "Better slap a rubber on that Thang" without being well, so OBVIOUS or even worse, sounding CRASS, AWKWARD, or just plain HORNY? (Like, Whoops it's raining, break out the rubber galoshes-which sounds totally ignorant if you ask me, but I digress...)

Well, what would each of our beloved SLIDERS say when out on a date and find themselves at the dizzying moment when a CONDOM becomes necessary for entering the VORTEX. Let's listen in, take a look, and see....

Rembrandt: "Well, well, well Baby, I better put on ALL of my albums, we may be here awhile, yes siree." He rubs his hands together and smiles as he heads for stereo. Comes back with item in hand, and with a kiss says..."You just hold on a minute there baby, Rembrandt has to put the lid on his tube of toothpaste. Can't be having no arguments about who left the cap off, can we? All I want is a big pretty smile! The Crying man can't take no chances, not even on the first date. Can't let no stray tears get in YOUR fro, if you know what I'm saying...".

Wade: "Umm (squirming her way to an upright position), maybe we should WADE, I mean after all, I really don't know you very WELL...."(She resolves to look thru date's medicine chest just as soon as possible.) She makes half-hearted attempt to SLIDE condom on partner anyway, experiences technical difficulties and sighs, "Quinn, where are you when I need you?" Upon that remark, the date's display of manhood promptly shrivels and Wade says, " Well, I don't know about you, but I can't just sit around this hotel room, doing nothing, laying low until the next slide! I'm going out and see what I can find!"

Arturo: "BLISTERING IDIOTS! Who in their right minds would make a package only Conrad Bennish could appreciate? (Hands to partner) Here, DON'T JUST LIE THERE! I, dear lady, am Professor Maxamillion Arturo, and I formulated the properties for Trojan's synthetic rubbery substance theory before you were even born! Don't laugh at ME, Miss Whatever Your Name Is, yes YOU, just help me with this confounded contraption!! Hurummmpphhh!" Girl flings condom over shoulder while laughing hysterically and running away. Arturo admits it would help if he could see his PHD without his rotund belly blocking his view.

Quinn: Looking thoughtful, shaking his head back and forth slowly with that trademark small grin as he sticks his finger thru a hole in a clearly visible DEFECTIVE condom. Turns to the identical twin playboy bunnies on either side of him, and says with a sigh, "I don't know guys...I've got a bad feeling about this! If the timer's not functioning, I'll just have to guess when it's time to slide outta here!" He continues fearlessly, knowing that if he misses EITHER slide, he'll be stuck there until the kid turns 21, I mean 21 years! That's a long time.... He thinks he'll try that new brand of condoms next time. Hmmmm...What were they called? Oh yeah....JODSERS - EXTRA STRONG/EXTRA DROOL. Made to last a LONG, LONG time. Available at PHarper Pharmarcies everywhere, Sliderray Drugstores nationwide, all Rachelle's Secrets outlets, and of course, in the accessory section of your Neighborhood TURBOKERBO Auto Supplies.

HaHaHa. I amaze myself and gross myself out at the same time! What FUN! Well, there you have it...Lame ADULT Sliders Jokes-VOL 1.