Crisco By Agent Dalton and Sponge Bob Cow Pants Rated: PG13 Classification: humor Summary: Scully runs a daycare center, and Crisco kills someone by taking off their braces and running away. Mother Theresa does a cameo. Spoilers: Requiem, Irresistible Archive: Yeah, but tell us where it’s going. Cello6909@aol.com and Rwinger01@aol.com Feedback: Required, When you are reading this, keep in mind that we are only in 7th and 8th grade. 4 out of 5 doctors say that by expressing your enjoyment in a piece of fanfiction, you increase your life expectancy 22-22.8 years. The other doctor was killed by Cancer Man. Disclaimer: Ok fine, we don’t own Mulder, Scully and all the others. They belong to FOX, CC, and the “I made this” people. We are just borrowing them, and we promise to have them home before dinner. Author’s notes at bottom ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* One early morning Scully was opening up the daycare center where she worked. She saw a granny clasper on the ground and said, “This clasper would look very spiffy on my new trench coat!” Scully opened the door, went in and flipped on the lights and took out a bucket of legos. She was going to make something exquisite this time. She still had 15 minutes before the first kids arrived. A few weeks after Mulder got abducted, Scully got fired from the FBI for streaking around the J. Edgar Hoover building. The whole time Krycek was smiling. So was Skinner. But when he was smiling he wet his pants so he had to go away. “Hmmm”, thought Scully, “What should I make today?” She finally decided on making a scale model of the Empire State Building. As you can see, she went a little nutty after Mulder got abducted. After she found all the red legos, she only had ten minutes to find the yellow and blue ones. But suddenly a kid arrived early. She was very, very mad. She turned on Dr. Dre and started rapping about Big Screen TVs, Blunts, 40’s, and Bitches. The kid’s mommy took out Eminem and started rapping about Homosexuals and Vikadins. They were having a rapping war. Then the kid said he wanted to listen to Faith Hill, and Scully got mad and shot him in the head. Then Crisco tried to jump out of the cabinet but the Chez Wiz held him back, but Crisco finally got away. He scampered over to the kid and took his underware and braces. Then Crisco stood on the kid and said, “Cotton Candy Rules”, and ran away. Now Scully could finish her Empire State Building. END OF SCENE ONE The kids were arriving at not eat pace (the thesaurus said not eat meant the same as fast) And Scully was finally finished with her legos. Scully had planned a field trip to the flea market to go and buy bathing suits. Suddenly Mother Theresa popped out and said, “Scoon” When they got to the flea market they purchased their bathing suits and they got I Want To Believe posters because Scully made them. She said it would make Mulder get back faster. Scully had also planned a swimming trip in Donnie Pfaster’s bath tub. An offer like that was irresistible. Before they could leave, Crisco struck again. He wanted Power Ranger underware or Gumby underware to complete his collection. He would not stand for Powerpuff. He also wanted some braces with hot pink and hot purple rubber things. Scully tried to shoot Crisco, but she accidentally shot another kid in the head. She thought Korn was supposed to play. Scully called up Skinner and asked him if he wanted to go swimming. Skinner said he would rather play 20 questions and hung up. Scully then burped a burp that smelled like Tuna. After a few minutes of playing with a calculator, she called up Krycek. She asked him if he wanted to go. He said that he would be delighted to go, but first he needed to go to the dollar store to figure out how much a dollar is. He then stated that the big dipper was orange and hung up. Mother Theresa popped up again and said, “Gatorade” END OF SCENE TWO When Krycek arrived at Donnie Pfaster’s house, he told Scully that she needed to hold his prosthetic arm while he went swimming. They then gave the daycare kids elephants to keep them occupied. Then when they got to the bath room they discovered that the bath tub was filled with Crisco. Scully wished Mulder was here because it was getting so weird. She decided that she was going to start calling him Muldy when he gets back. Krycek walked in in Mulder’s red speedo. Scully shot him in the head and Crisco and his friends, the underpants gnomes came in. They stole his braces that he didn’t have, and his Power Ranger underware. Then Scully received a package from outer space and motioned for Mother Theresa come over. Mother Theresa said her boys never bickered, and asked Scully if she wanted to play cribbage. Then she disappeared again. Scully opened her package and found a cribbage board, she thought it was going to be a letter from Mulder. She was very mad so she went and shot another kid in the head. This time Crisco only stole his braces. She wasn’t doing too good at this daycare stuff. Scully started playing a key game, where she started to throw her keys to the wall to see if it could catch. She was starting to go very crazy. END OF SCENE THREE Scully decided she was going to go visit her sister at the camel lot, but first she needed to go drop off the kids at the adult movie theater (NC-17, these kids were only 7 years old.) Scully went to the Camel lot and found an odd shaped camel that she thought that was her sister. Then Scully gave her sister the trench coat with the granny clasper clasped on the top. Then Scully left to go get a taco at noon. Until noon she decided to go pic berries off of berry trees. Then Scully went to Mulder’s apartment to watch The X-Files. They usually watched it together, because it was just better that way. They both did not like the idea of the guy getting abducted and this new Robert Patrick guy. Scully then did cartwheels while drinking orange juice all the way to Mulder’s apartment. When she opened the door her sister was in there, and she was nude! She was all brown and hairy and smelly. Scully was very, very upset about her sister wearing her trench coat and granny clasper. How did she get that? Scully couldn’t figure out why she was wearing them. She shot her in the head and in the butt, just for kicks and giggles. She took the coat and granny clasper back. Then Crisco popped out to see what kind of underware Scully’s sister had on. It was Blue’s Clues, but Crisco didn’t like Blue’s Clues, but he took them anyway because the Chez Wiz might like them. Crisco took her braces though. Because her teeth were very large, he had to pry them off with the keys to his underware drawer. Scully was mad at Crisco, so she took him by his hand and brought him to the bowling alley. She rubbed him on the lane until he was gone. Then she shot up the alley just to be sure. And then she got on an airplane and went to the gum wrapper store. END Authors’ notes. We might have a sequel if enough people review this. Coke cans are beautiful BYE FRUIT BOWL, DO YOU FRUIT IT? sorrie foer any mispaled werds Feedback. send it. Cello6909@aol.com