Another totally irrelevent parody by the excellentae, totally athletic perfection creator of
Star Trek: Continental. If you’ve read, Fire Drill, Scooby Doo and the Conitnental too,
Gunther’s Favorite Adventure {aka Star Trek III, the Search for Socks} you know what to
expect. If you are bored email me at mysteriojr7@excite.com.
Here is my rating system 9o0p96h5 {if you can crack the code my friend just typed, he will
pay you three million dollars}
P.S. It means “This is a bunch of gibberish.”
S: Stupidity
N: Unnecesary reading
A: Adolescent Stupidity
V: Unrealistic portrayal of women {and men}
L: Language Barriers
T: Time Travel
P: Explicit use of pies {not very common}
Y: Explicit use of yams {more common than you would think}
G: Stupid guest stars
This parody contains: {S,N,A,Y,G}
Captain: Adam Brinkman, does not control ship
First Officer: Gama, Vulcan, Troyer’s personal security guard
Head Engineer: Matt Troyer, is power behind the throne
Ops: Joseph Amano
Security: Ario Bridges, Heran, they are genetically engineered humans from some book I
read
Just is there: Drew Kamler
Helm: Andrew Brinkman, used to and sometimes is Elizabeth Waltner, but she is just a
janitor and was arrested for imitating a yam
Doctor: Lauren Gardner
Security Officer: Carrie Brooks, supermodel
Adam Brinkman: Brinkman1
Andrew Brinkman: Brinkman2
I would like to welcome Gunther the Chipmunk to his first Star Trek adventure. I would
also like to welcome Dustin Cullen who is 6’2, 200 pounds of solid steel and looks like he
came out of a modeling magazine. He won’t let me kill him off at the end of this story, so
look forward to something very interesting to happen to him at the end.
You may want to read the previous ones. And yes, there will be parody.
On the Continental
Gama: Impressive. Our esteemed creator just used up and entire page talking
about nothing.
Brinkman1: Gama, seriously, does anyone care?
Kamler: When a tree falls in forest, does it still make a noise?
Brinkman1: Please read my first line, and insert Kamler in place of Gama.
Brinkman2: Come on guys quick bickering, this is really not acceptable of a parody by
this writer. It has not not been funny at all, and we’re lucky if any one is
still listening.
Brinkman1: Who gave you permission to talk? I don’t recall doing it.
Gama: Nor do I.
Brinkman2: Nor do I. Hey, wait a second, I did give myself permission to speak.
Brinkman1: You do not have permission to speak.
Brinkman2: Good point, I’m dead. {entire bridge crew goes into psycho Lord of the
Flies mode}
Everyone: Kill the pig. Cut it’s throat. Spill it’s blood.
Brinkman2: DANG IT, you already did this!
Everyone: Kill the pig. Cut it’s throat. Spill it’s blood. {they advance on
Brinkman2}
Brinkman2: Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!!!
Everyone: Kill the pig. Cut it’s throat. Spill it’s blood. {move in for the kill}
Brinkman2: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! {in walks Troyer}
Troyer: CUT IT OUT!!! YOU WILL NOT KILL ANDREW AGAIN!!!
Everyone: Sorry.
Troyer: Say you’re sorry to Andrew.
Everyone: We’re sorry Andrew.
Troyer:: That’s better. Now everyone hug and make up. {everyone hugs}
Brooks: Whoever is grabbing me, let go.
Everyone: Sorry.
Troyer: Now for the reason that has drawn me up and graced you with my
presence. Me, Captain, and Drew’s friend from the old days is coming on
board.
Kamler: You mean Tyra Banks?
Troyer: No, just Dustin Cullen. {collective groan} “Anyway, he is bringing his pet
chipmunk.
Bridges: Simon, Alvin, and Theodore?
Troyer: NO! Just let me talk and you will learn everything you need to know. His
name is Gunther.
Amano: I thought you said his name was Dustin.
Troyer: NO! I mean, yes. I mean, wait a minute. Let me think for a moment.
{thinks for a moment} The man’s name is Dustin Cullen. His hamster’s
name is Dustin Cullen. Wait a second, they both aren’t named the same
thing. The man’s name is Huey. Wait. AAARGH! I’m leaving when I
figure it out. Now I wan everyone to make him feel welcome.
Brinkman2: You mean the human?
Troyer: No, the hamster. He’s cool. Don’t worry about the man.
{an old Romulan ship appears in sensor range}
Bridges: Captain, we are being hailed.
Brinkman1: Raise shields, fire all weapons, eject warp core and abandon ship!
Gama: Please, Captain, return to rational thought. It is not too late to save you.
Besides, we are not being attacked by Communist Russia. It is just a
Romulan vessel.
Brinkman1: Or so the Germans would have us believe.
Gama: {sternly} Captain...
Brinkman1: Sorry. Belay my last order.
Bridges: Too late. Shields are up, phaser banks are drained, we’re out of photon
torpedoes, warp core ejected and ship will self destruct in t-20.
Brinkman1: 20 seconds or twenty minutes?
Bridges: 19, 18,...
Brinkman1: Do something Gama!
Gama: I cannot.
Brinkman1: Do something Drew!
Kamler: I can’t.
Bridges: 17,16,15...
Brinkman1: Do something Amano!
Amano: Out of my abilities.
Brinkman1: Do something Brooks!
Brooks: I might mess up my pretty face.
Bridges: 14,13,12...
Brinkman1 Do something Andrew!
Brinkman2 You already killed me. Why should I do anything for you?
Brinkman1: Can anyone do anything?
Troyer: {from engineering} I can do something. It’ll take five seconds.
Brinkman1: Anyone beside him? Dang.
Bridges: 11, 10, 9, 8...
Troyer: Just for that last comment, it’ll take 6 seconds.
Brinkman1: Do it fast!
Bridges: 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Troyer: Done!
Bridges: Imminent Death! Hey wait, we’re not dead!
Troyer: Thanks to me.
Brinkman1: Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
Troyer: Now you’re never going to hear the end of it
Bridges: The Romulans are hailing.
Brinkman1: Raise shields, fire all
Gama: SHUT UP! WE WILL NOT START THAT AGAIN!
Brinkman1: Sorry. I guess we’ll just do the boring thing and answer the hail.
Onscreen.
Everyone: It’s Professor the Unknown!!!
Professor: I have to take a temporary respite from my eternal war on the Klingons.
I have several people you may want. A man named Gunther and his
chipmunk named Dustin Cullen.
Cullen: Get it right you blomin’ idiot! My name is Dustin and my chipmunks
name is Gunther.
Professor: Sorry, he’s a little grumpy. Burritoface will beam him over.
Brinkman1: Sounds good.
Burritoface: Sending now. {Dustin and Gunther appear on the bridge as well as one
ton yams and Raeshaun, the 117 1/5 year old man}
Kamler: Raeshaun, I don’t think you’ve aged a day since we saw you last.
Raeshaun: When you are 117 1/5 years old, you don’t notice a few weeks age.
Brinkman1: Uh, Professor, I think you made a mistake. You sent Raeshaun over with
us.
Professor: Trust me, it was no mistake.
Amano: {in a Klingon like manner} Kill the opposition!
Professor: Prepare to defend yourself!
Bridges: They have left.
Brinkman1: Interesting. I guess power perceived is power achieved.
Cullen: Hi guys.
Brooks: Oh that chipmunk is so cute! {all run over and hug the chipmunk}
Cullen: Hey, help, ouch!{he is pushed into turbolift and Raeshaun falls
asleep}
In Engineering
Cullen: The bridge crew is ignoring me because they like my chimpunk.
Engineering Crew: A chimpmunk?!?! {all fifty of them fit into turbolift and go to
bridge}
Cullen: AARRGGHH!!
Troyer: We still love you, Gunther.
Cullen: My name is Dustin. Gunther is my freakin chimpmunk. How dificult is
that?
Troyer: I have a plan. Take this inverse tachyon destabilizer, and come with me to
the bridge.
On the Bridge
Gunther: Then I said, “Ooga booga, totem shmotum.”
Everyone: Hahahahahahaha. {laugh hysterically}
Voice: {over intercom} I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the yam that
will not be cooked. Chipmunk, you reign of terror has ended! {a poof of
smoke} Let’s get dangerous!
Brinkman1: It’s a yam! Where is Scooby and the guy who was high when you need
them?
Gama: Waltner, is that you?
Waltner: {from brig} I’m in the brig.
Gama: Drat, that makes this very much more difficult.
Yam: Put the chipmunk down.
Gunther: {attacks the yam}
Yam: Ow, ow, ow, OW!
Troyer: {is watching over a camera} Whoops. Good thinking Dusty, you’re
getting beat up by a chipmunk.
Yam: {is on the floor, not moving}
Brooks: Oh Gunther, you’re so heroic.
Gunther: You want to come to my house?
Brooks: {shocked} I am not that kind of lady!!! Kill him! {all enter Lord of the
Flies mode}
Everyone: Kill the pig. Cut it’s throat. Spill it’s blood. {Gunther scampers into
ventilation system}
Brinkman2: Rats, he’s gone.
Kamler: What about the yam?
Everyone: Alright! Kill the pig. Cut it’s throat. Spill it’s blood. {Raaeshaun is
waken up by the noise}
Troyer: Dusty, you geek, now I have to go save you. {sprints towards the bridge}
Raeshaun: SHUT UP! {all falls silent} You idiots. You are not stranded on the
island. You have nothing to fear but yourselves.
Bridges: But what about the beastie?
Raeshaun: There is no beastie. It is the evil inside of you.
Troyer: EVERYONE STOP! Oh, you already did.
Brinkman1: It’s too late, we killed the yam.
Troyer: Do you have any idea who it was?
Kamler: No. {yam gets up, pulls off mask and attacks Brinkman2and Amano}
Everyone: It was Gunther!
Cullen: My name is Dustin!
Brinkman2: Hey, get off, OWOWOWOW! {panel in ceiling is kicked out and knocks
out Brinkman1, in flies the janitor, Waltner, who attacks Cullen and
sprays him with lemon juice}
Cullen: I’m melting, I’m melting. {turns into a puddle of liquid} I’ll be back......
Waltner: What is this puddle doing in the middle of the bridge? I better get it
cleaned up. {puddle flows into ventilation} Hey come back here! {chases
after it}
Gama: Rather ironic, a yam was defeated by an ex yam.
Raeshaun: I told you that you don’t need to turn to the darkside to be victorius.
Kamler: Well, it’ll be interesting to see what our esteemed writer will do with
these plot twists that were not finalized? {Raeshaun falls asleep}
Brinkman1: I wonder how long we’ll have to keep this old sleeping guy on our ship.
Troyer: Has any body noticed that Andrew is dead?
Brinkman1: Oh my gob, they killed Andrew!
Amano: Don’t get started on that gob thing again.
Brinkman1: I was persuaded to volunteer, by a certain engineer.
Troyer: You forgot to have Kamler make an attempt on my life in this parody.
Brinkman1: Shoot, I knew I forgot something. Kill him, Drew.
Kamler: I can’t, remember I was killed in an explosion Fire Drill?
Brinkman1: Good point, do it anyway.
Kamler: {pulls out grenade, pulls pin, and throws it at Troyer’s feet, everyone
watches the spectacle in rapt fascination}
Troyer: {stares at the grenade} I believe it is a dud.
Kamler: {wails} It’s a dud! It’s a DUD! It should have been a successful
assasination. I had penetrated his security! {falls to the floor, crying}
Gama: {beams grenade into space}
Bridges: Medical team to the bridge, we have a death.
Gardner: Who?
Brinkman1: Brinkman2.
Gardner: Again?
Brinkman1: Yep.
Brinkman2: Don’t worry about, I’ll walk to it myself.
Gama: This entire story is irrelevent. You are irrelevent. What ever you are
thinking is irrelevent...
Announcer: And so ends another {dare I say it} irrelevent story. There will be more
soon and the plotline with Gunther and Dustin will be concluded. If you
are bored right now, go to andrew.brinkman.net request more parodies by
me.