IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU
by Diana R. Flynn / Darkflurb / darn RIGHT I'm mad they stole my name and gave it to her!!

STOP! DON'T SUE!
Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and the rest of the characters from TXF were invented by Chris Carter and the other wonderful people at FOX (even if they did steal my name for Mulder's ex, those sneaky little...) and I in no way wish to take credit for creating them. The characters from Sliders, Startrek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Forever Knight all belong to their respective writers and channels, and I would like it if everyone involved would consider the following to be a slightly twisted little tribute.

Don't tell me that you haven't noticed...

Dana Scully is sitting at home, channel surfing...

On TV: A large banner reads "R*O*S*E* Power!"

CRUSHER: Hello. I'm Doctor Beverly Crusher and welcome back to Redheads of SciencE fiction, part four. Remember: If you want to act in a scifi show, forget those breast implants and run on down to your local salon! ...although some people opt for both...

SCULLY: Hmm...

CRUSHER: I was just here interviewing this year's ROSE Personal Restraint Acheivement Award, which is given annually to the ROSE who most valiantly resisted the urge to smack an offending co-star upside the head. Previous winners include Natalie Lambert of Toronto and Willow Rosenburg of Sunnydale, CA, but this year I'm here with the lovely Wade Welles.

WADE: Thanks, Bev! It's great to be here.

CRUSHER: For those of you who don't know, Wade generously spared the life of her good buddy and Sliding companion of several years -- Quinn Mallory -- who _didn't_ realize that Wade was in love with him, even with enough hints to stop a Mac truck.

WADE: I was talking with him about stretch marks for goodness' sake!! What else did I have to do? Walk in with a _sign_ saying "I Love You, You Hot Moron"?!

SCULLY: (debates changing the channel, and digs around in sofa cushions for the remote)

CRUSHER: What happened, Wade?

WADE: Well (snif!) I had a lot going for me... Even if Quinn and I weren't dating, at least I was the female counterpart whose endearing levelheadedness balanced his quest-driven intensity...

SCULLY: (Looks up, suspiciously)

WADE: ...but just when things looked like they were about to finally go right for our crew, this moony-eyed bombshell brunette G-woman shows up and my hunky co-star's brains go on sabbatical!

SCULLY: !

WADE: The next thing I know, she steals my job, and I've been captured by Kromaggs and put into slavery in an alien breeding camp!

SCULLY: !!

CRUSHER: Bum deal, Wade.

WADE: (snif!) Yeah... Well at least my roots weren't showing...

CRUSHER: There's looking at the bright side! Up next: Brunettes: Threat or Menace?

SCULLY: (quickly shuts off the TV) (She stares into space for a moment before tentatively picking up her phone.)

Scene shift to Fox Mulder's apartment. We see a table with a copy of "Abductee" magazine, and telephone. It rings. (The telephone, not the magazine.) Mulder comes into view and picks it up.

MULDER: Hello?

SCULLY: Mulder it's me. Look, I was watching this talk show and... Oh never mind. Forget that I called.

MULDER: Okay.

SCULLY: See you Monday. (click!)

Back at Scully's apartment.

SCULLY: (shakes head) I've got to stop watching late night TV. It's making me paranoid. (pause) ...more so.

Back at Mulder's apartment. Mulder is hanging up the phone. His ex- (?) honey, Agent Diana Fowley, walks into view.

FOWLEY: Who was on the phone?

MULDER: I have forgotten.

FOWLEY: Oh. Can we get back to our makeout session now?

MULDER: Fine by me!

Mulder and Fowley go back to playing tonsil-hockey.

Scully decides to read a book.

THE END.