Jalepenos


Scene:  Mulder and Scully find themselves standing in front of a
seemingly ordinary high school after being assigned a case involving odd
behavior in the students and teachers.

Scully: It looks like an ordinary high school, Mulder.

Mulder: That's what they want you to think.

Scully: What who want us to think?

Mulder: The government.

Scully: Oh, god, don't launch into your happy crap conspiracy theories
again.  Everyone knows that Skinner gave us this case to distract
you...........oh, I'll shut up now.

The agents are now standing in a mob of teenagers who are trying to get
to their classes.

Mulder: Scully, this is weird.  They're all wearing khakis and polo
shirts!

A student overhears the conversation.

Girl: it's a private school.  Dress code, stupid!   

Scully: Mulder, please.  Stop trying to find evidence of a freakish
occurrence in every situation you find yourself in.

Mulder:  What?

Scully: Get over your aliens and get a life.

Mulder: If I had a life I'd be a very boring person.

Scully: You'll never have a life.

Mulder: And see how interesting I am!

Scully: Not interesting.  Spooky is more accurate.

Mulder: Boogie boogie.

It is now lunch time and the agents have stopped for some nutritious
imitation food from  the cafeteria.

Mulder: Remember what I told you.  Eat nothing that died a bloody death.

Scully ignores him and proceeds to buy a burrito with extra jalapenos.

A few minutes later.

Scully:  So I was sa...gach. (She starts choking on a pepper)

Mulder: Sorry, I can't understand you.

Scully starts to turn purple.

Mulder: Wow, you look just like Tinky Winky.

Scully is on the floor by now.  Nobody seems to notice.

Mulder: You're choking, aren't you.  I'll save you.

He proceeds to shove a straw down her throat and dislodge the jalapeno.

Scully(after her face has turned back to normal): you are the biggest
idiot!  You need help!  I hope aliens abduct you and fill that empty
space in your freaking head!

Mulder: No wait, I love you!

Scully: Oh, Mulder, you're so romantic.

The two kiss until they can't breathe and leave.

Later: 

A man morphs into the alien bounty hunter, takes his stab stick, and
pierces the back of a burrito with extra jalapenos.  He chokes on a
pepper, dies, and Scully takes all the credit.