DR. KATZ ANALYZES THE STAR WARS GANG.
Part 3 of a series.
By Jesse Glaspey.

Dr. Katz: Okay, lets start our session by opening up for once.
Darth Vader: Okay, I love to cross dress.
Dr. Katz: Really? How often do you do this?
Vader: I'm wearing a little pink thong under my armor right now!
Dr. Katz: Hmm. Why do you do this?
Vader: I wanna be a stipper.
Dr. Katz: Really?
Vader: Yes, I used to start with the helmet. But then I'd lose my crowd.
Dr. Katz: Why? What do you look like under the helmet.
Vader: Here, look. (Vader removes his helmet)
Dr. Katz: HOLY!
**********
Luke: Have you ever loved the wrong woman?
Dr. Katz: A couple. Have you?
Luke: Boy I picked the WRONG woman!
Dr. Katz: Really? Was she attractive?
Luke: Oh mama!
Dr. Katz: What does she do for a living?
Luke: She's a princess.
Dr. Katz: So what was wrong with her?
Luke: Well, she turned out to be my frigging sister!
(Dr. Katz winces)
Dr. Katz: Is she single?
**********
Chewbacca: Roooowwwwwoowwwwoooowwrrr.
Dr. Katz: I hear you.
Chewbacca: Grrrraarrarara.
Dr. Katz: That is wrong.
Chewbacca: Raaaaaaaaaaaarrrr.
Dr. Katz: So she didn't give you a medal. It's just a material object. You
	helped blow up the death star. That in itself is a good thing.
Chewbacca: Rarrroowwoooaaaagg.
Dr. Katz: That's a good point.
**********
(Lando walks in the office)
Lando: Which way to AA?
Dr. Katz: Next door down. Why're you going there?
Lando: Addiction to Colt .45.
**********
C3P0: And he's constantly getting us in trouble!
R2D2: Tweeet boop bop beep.
C3P0: Oh, shut up!
Dr. Katz: Calm down, Threepio. Take a time out.
C3P0: Okay.
Dr. Katz: Now I'm not a marriage counselor. But I'm bending the rules to
help you two out.
R2D2: Whirrrrrr bop bop beep beep tweeeeet.
Dr. Katz: That's nice. Now there's nothing wrong with being gay.
R2D2&C3P0: We're not gay! We're Droids!
Dr. Katz: Is that hip talk for 'Bi'?
C3P0: No! We're robots!
Dr. Katz: Oops. Faux pas.
**********
Stormtrooper: Oh MAN, have I had a bad day!
Dr. Katz: Really? What happened?
Stormtrooper: Well first, some young twit and Indiana Jones knock me and my
	partner Frank out and Take our suits. Well, then because of our 
	monumental screw-up we get stationed on Endor! Now it was a sweet 
	job at first but then me and my friends get our asses handed to us 
	by a bunch of fucking muppets!
Dr. Katz: That's harsh.
Stormtrooper: Word.
Dr. Katz: Hey, I'm down.
**********
Han:...Then she tells me she kissed her brother! And her dad was the guy
	that froze me in a big block of plastic!
Dr. Katz: Well it's like the movie says 'No time for love Dr. Jones'!
(Han glares at Dr. Katz)
Dr. Katz: Sorry.
**********
Yoda: Use the force!
Dr. Katz: How did you learn the force?
Yoda: Much crack I did in seventies.
Dr. Katz: What did you look like?
Yoda: Brad Pitt I looked like.
(Dr. Katz's eyes widen)
Dr. Katz: That's interesting.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: From a certain point of view.
Dr. Katz: Shush!
**********
Emperor: Come to the dark side young psychiatrist!
Dr. Katz: I'll think about it.
Emperor: Come on. You know you want to.
Dr. Katz: Maybe.
Emperor: Everybody's doing it!
Dr. Katz: What's so great about it?
(Emperor stops.)
Emperor: Ah the hell with it.
(The Emperor stands up and takes off his robe to reveal he's Bill Gates. He
	walks off.)
(The music starts. Dr. Katz picks up the robe and a lightsaber and starts
	playing with them.)
**********
Announcer: Coming soon to Fox/WB! Mulder and Scully investigate the reports
	of an alien in Metropolis!
Mulder: We're here investigating the strange case of a strange visitor from
	another planet!
Clark Kent: Never seen 'em.
---
Announcer: Yes! X-Files meets Superman! See the catfight Scully and Lois get
	in! Watch as Lex Luthor and Cancer Man are behind that hackneyed old
	plotline of clones! Watch as Superman beats the shit out of Mulder! 
	See Jimmy Olsen beat the shit out of Krycek! See Skinner and Perry 
	White do....nothing but yell.
Perry: KENT!
Skinner: MULDER!
Announcer: Watch it! Because we have no other shows!
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Daniel Furuya

www.geocities.com/hollywood/set/7308