ONE EVENING IN QUARK'S BAR
GEORGE E MENDENHALL

"So the Andorian says, `But I thought you were a shapeshifter!'" Bashir ended his story, and Quark laughed. "That's a good one!"
Bashir followed Quark's gaze toward the door, where a pair of very strange-looking humanoids were walking in.
"Two customers, coming up," Quark said happily. "What'll you have?" he asked them.
They hardly gave Bashir a glance as they sat down at opposite ends of the counter, on either side of the doctor, glaring at each other.
"I'll have a Kaldonian Goldsweeper." said the one with the antennae cups poking out of shaggy bluish hair. His high forehead revealed a geometric pattern of colorful scales and ridges framing bright golden eyes. His skin seemed rough and scaly, and his unjointed fingers seemed short and stubby. The look on his face was serious and businesslike.
"I want an Endicor Rye malted." said the other one. His head was perfectly bald, with an array of small, dainty blue and green lumps arranged in a neat geometric pattern. He had a pug nose, and his ears were long and feathery.
"Now, that's what I call an exotic drink!" Quark said approvingly as he reached for a glass and started gathering the ingredients.
"I'm an exotic person," the bald one said with a smile. "My name is Ken."
"I'm Lirok." said the hairy one with the antennae.
"Julian Bashir, station doctor." He extended his hand to Ken, who was closer; then turned and shook hands with Lirok, who smiled tightly at Bashir. "Maybe you can settle this. This guy says I'm lying, and I say he's the liar. Maybe you can check us out, see who's telling the truth."
"Maybe you both are," Bashir said ingratiatingly.
"What planet are you from?" Quark asked.
Lirok said with a grin, "I'll tell you the story for another drink. And if you don't believe me, I'll let the good doctor here have a genetic sample--in exchange for some gold-pressed latinum."
"I'll have to think about that one," Quark said. "But I'd like to hear your story."
"I'd like to hear it, too," Bashir said.
Lirok took another drink, sat back, and settled down to begin his tale.
A hundred years ago--in 2268, in fact--the renowned Captain, James T. Kirk, visited the new homeworld of the Minarans. They were empaths who'd been settled there by the Vians. Their new planet had been discovered by the Betazoids, and when Kirk renewed his acquaintance with Gem, they produced a baby.
Around about this time, the Betazoids were just joining the Federation, and making friends with the Vulcans--they had a lot in common, and there were several marriages.
The genetics institutes were having a field day studying ways to produce all these mixes--one of the cases that got a lot of publicity was when a Tellarite and an Andorian met when they were working at the genetics institute and got married.
The alliance between the Romulans and Klingons hadn't yet broken down at this point; apparently a Klingon met a Romulan woman he liked, and they managed to produce a baby as well.
The Cardassians were starting to encroach on the outskirts of Klingon space--on the other side from where the Federation is. They met the chamelids, a race of shapeshifters, on one of the chamelids' colony planets. Apparently there were a lot of cases of mutual rape on various planets in the region.
Well, the child of Kirk and the Minaran, met the Vulcan-Betazoid hybrid at Starfleet Academy and they got married. Then the half-Cardassian kid met a Ferengi in a bar on one of the Cardassian planets, and they had a baby. Then the Romulan-Klingon guy met the Tellarite-Andorian lady, who was a dancer in a casino on Endicor...
Bashir raised a hand. "You're their descendant, aren't you?"
"That's right." Lirok grinned. "In fact, my parents met on this very station. They went into business together. I'm 1/4 Ferengi, 1/8 Cardassian, 1/8 chamelid, 1/16 Minaran, 1/16 Human, 1/16 Betazoid, 1/16 Vulcan, 1/16 Romulan, 1/16 Klingon, 1/16 Tellarite, and 1/16 Andorian. And if you don't believe me, you can take a genetic sample. And my story is a heck of a lot truer than that guy's."
Ken snorted. "My story is the true one. I only have one great-great-grandfather."
"Really? I had, um, 16." Quark shook his head, gazing with interest on Ken's features.
"My great-great grandfather was James Kirk." Ken continued. "And I have documents to prove it. He had affairs with a Minaran named Gem in 2270; a Deltan named Lonn in 2273; a Vulcan- Romulan hybrid named Saavik in 2274; a Denebian named Pyry in 2275; an Antosian named Hruss in 2277; a Rigellian named Hapueh in 2280; a Trill named Amrala in 2292; and a Klingon Fusion named Khushru in 2300. And you can take a genetic sample of me, too!"
"You're saying all those half-brothers and half-sisters had affairs with each other...?" Bashir asked incredulously.
"Yeah, so?" Ken glared at Bashir, daring him to make an unkind accusation.
Quark interjected, "I notice you're both claiming this Gem person as an ancestor of yours."
"He's a fraud!" both said simultaneously.
Lirok said, "My girlfriend's coming. She can corroborate my story."
A few moments later a large, shivering mass suddenly appeared, slithering across the floor toward the bar.
"What's that??" Quark asked, stepping back.
"It's a Horta," Bashir said wonderingly. "A silicon-based life form. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."
Lirok smiled smugly. "She's my girlfriend. We haven't had any kids, though. At least, not yet..."