Getting Rid of "Q"
Bye Lisa Sanchelo...
**This story takes place during season 6****
(The crew are at Quark's bar discussing what to do about Q who is visiting
the station)
Sisko : I think we should try that hand to hand combat thing I did last time
he was here.
Kira : Just because it worked last time doesn't mean it will work this time
Captain.
Odo : I would have to agree with the major Sisko
Quark : We know you do Odo ....(raises his eybrows)
Kira : (rolls her eyes)
Dax : We're not even sure Q is a threat yet Ben
Worf: (nods)
O'brien : He's always a threat
(Suddenly Q shows up in the bar)
Q : I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You're trying to get rid
of me. Well, I
ain't gon'na leave.
Odo : it's am not! Say it, am-not
Q : (rolls eyes) Am-not. I am not gon'na leave
Odo : Going-to. I am not going to leave...say it going to...
Q : Going to
Odo : Going to what?
( Q slaps Odo in the back of the head)
Odo: Ouch! Why did you do that?
Q : Mou-squi-to!
Sisko : Q! don't hit our Security chief.
Q : Why not?
Worf : Yes, why not?!? (abruptly standing up and lunging towards Odo)
( Odo flinches)
Dax: Worf!
Q: (grabs Odo. Odo falls to the ground unconscious)
There you will remain solid for the rest of the show.
Kira :(rushes to Odo's side) Why Q?
Q : Because the producers couldn't afford my graphics and Odo's it would
destroy
the budget. Also the writers had to think of a reason to make him solid
so they chose me Sisko : That is so lame
Q : I know
Odo : (getting up) Oh no I'm human.....again! And....my pants are....wet
Kira: (backs away from him)
Dax : Fortunate that you had clothes this time Odo
Q : Well we don't need to see Odo naked.....again
( whole crew shivers including Odo)
Bashir : I'll get you a change of clothes Odo. Since I haven't had a line for
an entire page
Sisko: You do that Docter....Anyway there still reamains the task at hand.
Q : Oh yes, getting rid of me...
Sisko : Well the title is "Getting Rid of Q"
Kira : Yes and the sooner the better.
Quark : Any ideas Morn?
Morn :
Dax : ok then...
Worf : We could fight an honorable battle. It is a good day to die!
Q : Dax, could you please tell Mr. Personality here to Shutup!
Kira : (involuntarily giggles)
(Bashir steps in)
Bashir : Odo please come here
( Odo walks over to Bashir)
( Crew turns around)
Odo : If you please!
Q: what? And miss the show??
( odo goes to the next room and Bashir darns himself for his miserable luck)
Kira: We could ignore Q maybe he'll go away
O'brien : That's the first nonviolent thing you've ever thought up to solve a
problem Kira
Kira : That's because I'm saving all the good ones for you!!!
O'Brien : (winces)
Odo :Well I'm back!
Bashir : Me too...not like you care
Kira : Welcome back Constable! (Pulls out a chair)
Odo : (Sits down missing chair) Oops...Heh heh!
Kira : Try again Constable
Odo : (sits down again this time he doesn't miss)
Bashir : Are we forgetting someone? How about a chair for me?
Sisko : Kira I don't think ignoring Q will make him go away
Odo : We could wait him out
Bashir : Hello!!! I need a seat!!!
Kira : that would take to long
Sisko : not to mention destroy the plot
Bashir : Isn't any one listening to me!!! I need a seat!!
Q : That would be boring
Bashir : Come on you're my friends !! listen to me!
Q : Bashir Shutup!
Bashir : But?
Odo : You can sit by me!
Bashir : um...no (mutters ) like I'm going to sit next to Betsy Wetsy
Q : You need help Bashir I mean you know you're in trouble if the only person
offering you a seat is Odo
Bashir : I don't need help I'm not as pathetic as Odo either!!
Q : You could have a counselor...like Troi!
Bashir : I don't need counseling!! Odo does!
Odo : What??? Can I say somthing???
Q and Bashir : Shutup!
Bashir : Besides when has Deana ever said something that wasn't blindingly
obvious?
Q : um bashir?
Bashir : No wait let me finish. And she -bark! Bark! Woof woof!
(Deana Troi is standing a few feet away greatly amused)
Q : You forgot she was visiting the station
Deana : I guess you're right Bashir. You acting like a dog is a blindingly
obvious thing.
Bashir : Woof! (Bites Deana realizing she did this)
Q : (laughs) AHAHAHA!
Deana : (turns him back to his regular old self)
Bashir : Actually I kind of liked being a dog!
Deana: you would
Q: (Still laughing) This is great I may never leave
Sisko : Oh no. That would make this a two part episode
(Crew moans)
O'Brien : Wait! I've got a great idea! And it's so exciting you'll wet your
pants
Odo : Too late!
Kira : ugh! Remind me why you're my boyfriend again?
Odo : Sorry... I'm not used to being human. Besides its not my fault we don't
even have a bathroom on this show
Bashir: Yeah what do we do in the future?
( Everyone looks around shrugging their shoulders)
O'Brien : Anyway, To carry out my plan we must go to ops
Sisko: Then,to the turbo lift!
Dax: yes, to the turbo lift!
Bashir : To the turbo lift!
Odo : to the turbo lift!
Worf : the turbolift
Dax : the turbolift!
Morn :
Quark :Wait I'm coming too!
(Crew now on turbolift)
Bashir: I hope this plan works
Kira : Oh gosh! What is that smell?
Dax : ugh, Worf, That better not be you
Worf : Its not!
O'Brien : Smells like a malfunctioning garbage receptical
Odo : I regret my new sense smell
Quark : smells like a three day old slug!
(Everyone looks at Morn )
Quark : Morn??
Morn : (shakes his head)
(Turbo lift opens and all step out )
Odo : (Turning in confession ) It was me!! Im sorry!
(Whole crew passes out)
(Q suddenly shows up)
Q : well Odo Looks like--- A-A-A-A! Noooooo! -(Q passes out)
(Crew slowly comes to)
Bashir : sheesh
(they all get up holding their noses)
Odo : Sorry again (farts)
Sisko : Doctor do something ..Quick!
Bashri : Here Odo have some Pecid A-C
Odo : Thankyou Doctor
Bashir : No problem and look Q is still out cold!
Kira : Wow Odo you're leathel
O'Brien : Yes but that can't last very long we still need my plan
Odo : You're just jealous
O'Brien : No.....trust me
Sisko : Well ok O'brien! Tell us your plan
O'Brien : (looks at his watch ) 4....3....2...1 There we're out of time now
we have till Next showing to end the episode
Sisko : that was your plan!?!
O'Brien : well now we can think!
Odo : Geez! My farting is better than that!
TO BE CONTINUED.......
Getting Rid of "Q" Part two
By Lisa Sanchelo
(Last time on DS9: Q has invaded the station and Odo has been turned into a
humanoid. All the crew including Morn and Quark are in Ops)
Sisko:Ok, now were back. Got a follow up plan to that last one O'brien?
O'brien: no sir
Sisko: Figures.
Odo: See? My plan was better!
O'brien: Yeah right Odo. Farting is a brilliant plan!
Sisko: Look both of you had stupid plans!! (calms himself) Ok,Ok major any
ideas?
Kira: *mutters* yeah like push you out the airlock
Sisko: What was that major?
Kira: nothing... nothing Captain I don't have any ideas..
Sisko: Worf?
Worf: Duh....
Quark: Yeah right like Worf ever gets any ideas!
Worf: Can I please just shoot him!
Sisko: (considers it) mm... (shakes his head) maybe later.
Sisko: Morn?
Morn:
Sisko: Morn that's brilliant!!!
Bashir: what? What did he say?
Sisko: Oh man! Why didn't I think of that!
Bashir: I'm confused
Odo: We know
Bashir: Hey!
Odo: Sorry, I had to get you back for all those comments you made about me
earlier.
Sisko: (still hung up over Morn's "plan") Wow! Morn I should make you part of
my Senior crew! You could be um....a doctor! We don't have one of
those right?
Morn:
Bashir: I'm the doctor!
Sisko: Come on Morn! Lets go play out your plan! Odo I need you too!
Odo: Where are we going?
Sisko: You'll see. Come on Constable!
Odo: ok.... (follows glancing at rest of the crew shaking his head)
Kira: See you later!
(Sisko ,Morn, and Odo walk to turbolift.)
Sisko: (gets inside and Morn and Odo follow him) Computer Locate Q!
Computer: Q is in Quarks Bar on the Promenade.
Sisko: (grins) Computer Promenade!
(Turbolift hums and takes them to promenade. Doors Open)
(Sisko, Worf, and Odo walk to Quarks)
Sisko: Q! We know you're here!
Q: (appears in front of Sisko) all right. What is it?
Sisko: Q, Morn and I have decided that you can stay as long as you like.
Q: What? Really?
Sisko: Sure!
Q: What's the catch?
Sisko: No catch just.....
Q: Yes?
Sisko: We need someone to take care of Odo. So If you stay you have to take
care of him.
(Pushes Odo towards Q)
Q: What? I don't understand why you need anyone to take care of Odo.
Sisko: Morn.
Morn: (whispers to Rom)
Rom: Here you go (hands him a glass of something)
Morn: (hands glass to Sisko)
Sisko: Thanx Morn.
Morn:
Sisko: You see Q (looks at glass ) the constable has a well... A little ....
"problem"
(Dips Odo's hand into glass of warm water)
Q: (looks down at Odo's pants) Oh Gross! That's....Disgusting!
Odo: Oops...
Q: Let me get this straight. If I stay..I have to paper train Odo???
Sisko: That's the idea!
Q: No way. I'll just change him back!
Sisko: But like you said, the budget wont allow to people to have powers. The
special effects are to costly.
Q: Mm...what's my other option
Sisko: Change Odo back and leave!
Q: Maybe I'll leave but why would changing Odo back be to my advantage?
Sisko: How do you expect us to change him back? Kill another infant
changeling? Come on Q, give the writers a break.
Q: Ok, ok I'll do what you ask anything's better than (looks at Odo and
shivers) your other option... Here. (Hands Sisko a box)
Sisko: What's this?
Q: When I leave change Odo back with what's in this box.
Sisko: Easy as that?
Q: Easy as that.
Sisko: Ok. Bye Q!
Q: bye Sisko, Morn, ......Odo.
(Q disappears)
Sisko: (opens box) What's this? Morn hand me my tricorder
Morn: (hands Sisko a tricorder out of nowhere.)
Sisko: thanx (scans box) My tricorder says this is....Magic Powder? What?
Odo: Stupid Lazy writers...
Sisko: No kidding..well here goes. (Sprinkles powder on Odo) Now think happy
thoughts.. No wait that's to fly.
Odo: It cant be!! (melts out of his clothes and turns into a bird. Sails
across promenade and flies straight into a poll) SQUAWK!!!!
Sisko: Youch! Somehow that was more touching the first time!
Odo: turns back into himself. Ooooohhhh....
*Later in conference room. Sisko, Odo, Kira, Worf, Dax, Bashir, and guest of
honor Morn are having a conference*
Sisko: Congratulations crew. We successfully got rid of Q without turning
this into a six parter or something. Special thanx to Morn who turned Odo's
embarrassing problem into a creative attribute!
Dax: Speech! Speech!
(Morn gets up to say something suddenly screen goes blank and goes directly
to credits)
THE END!