An ALL-NEW Sliders/Voyager/X-files/Spider-Man Crossover!
"Sell-out"
By Jesse Glaspey.
Note: This story takes place after "What the Hell" And during a point of 
Spider-Man’s career when the Comic was selling.

PART 2: THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE NINJAS

Jesse: When we last left off, all three groups of heroes, Voyager, The 
	Sliders and Mulder and Scully were all sent into Sliding tunnels 
	that had either been altered or weren’t supposed to be
	there altogether. Spider-Man is bitter about his wayward career and 
	there is a mysterious spaceship headed towards earth. Which one? 
	We shall soon see... as we continue our story in Central park....
Spidey: By the way. Just so I can save you folks the ‘suspense’,  the 
	ship is headed towards MY earth.
Jesse: Didn’t I see you on the Electric Company?
Spidey: Dick!

(We start off in Central Park. As the Sliders come through the portal.)

Maggie: Wheeeeeee! (Lands on her face.)
Colin: I am not a nugget! (Lands on Maggie.)
Rembrandt: Cool! Dogpile on the skeeze! (Lands on Colin.)
Quinn: D’oh! (Lands on Remmy.) Hey? Since when does California have a 
	park this big?
Rembrandt: Or grass this green?
Maggie: Or water with the distinct aftertaste of poop?
Colin: Or hookers this fine? (Quinn drags him away from the Transvestite.)

(Another portal opens up. Mulder and Scully fall out.)

Scully: That had better not be your hand on my ass, Mulder.
Mulder: It’s not! My hands are in my pants! 

(Dead silence except for a rim shot.)

Mulder: OH COME ON, PEOPLE!
Quinn: Scully? Mulder?
Mulder & Scully: Sliders?
All (except for Colin): AHHHHHHH! NOT AGAIN!
Colin: Hi.
Scully: Mulder, I’ve noticed we’re nowhere near that coffee shop. As a 
	matter of fact. We’re not even in Washington! We’re in New York 
	City! What the f--
Mulder: UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENA! YESSSSSS!
Scully: And now the reappearance of this cult, the Snyders.
Maggie: SLIDERS! We are not a cult!
Colin: What’s a cult, Quinn?
Quinn: Its a small group of people who practice a religon that other 
	people don’t approve of.
Mulder: Like the amish.

(Colin stops and scowls at Mulder.)

Mulder: What? Who are you? I remember the others, Meg, Renny and 
	Quincy...but you... I don’t know.
Quinn: That’s Maggie, Rembrandt, Quinn and this is my brother, Colin.
Mulder: Huh? Where’s Colin Quinn? I loved Remote Control.
Maggie: WHAT? Who mentioned that show in my presence! 
Mulder: Um. She did. (points to Scully) 
Scully: WHAT?

(Maggie tackles Scully, resulting in another catfight.)

Quinn: (ignoring the fight) So we’ve once again landed in New York. I 
	wonder if this means we have to meet the Ghostbusters again?
Rembrandt: Or those dudes from Voyager?
Colin: (looking up) What’s Voyager?
Quinn: A space ship from the future.
Colin: Like that one? (points up.)
Quinn: Like what? (Looks up.) Oh shit.

(Voyager heads down to the park and is about to land on them.)

Everyone: AHHHHHHHH!
=====================================
COMMERCIAL BREAK
--------
Tonight on the WB... A very special Buffy. As she meets another Slayer!

Blade: You’re nothing to me but another valley girl slayer.
Buffy: Whatever! What’s with your outfit? 

(Blade kicks Buffy in her face and knocks her out)

Blade: Watch me on Buffy ton...Who the hell are you?
Angel: I’m Buffy’s vampire boyfriend.

(Blade cuts Angel’s head off.)

Blade: Watch me on Buffy tonight or I’ll kick your ass!
BLADE: VAMPIRE SLAYER! Right after the special Deacon Frost episode of 
	Seventh Heaven.
--------
====================================
(We see Voyager is landing right towards the entire gang.)

Gang: AHHHHHHHHH!

(The ship stops.)

Mulder: What the hell stopped it?
Scully: Air brakes?

(Mulder gives Scully a disapproving look)

Scully: What? I can’t have a joke now and then?
(a door on Voyager opens and a set of stairs folds out. Seven stands by 
the door.)

Seven: Welcome to New York City where the local time is 3:15 pm New York 
	time. 
Paris: Really? I was expecting the time in Pango Pango!
Seven: Bu-bye! (Shoves Paris down the stairs)
Janeway: How are we going to hide the ship?
Tuvok: With our cloaking device.
Janeway: We have a cloaking device?
Tuvok: Now we do.
Janeway: WHY DOESN’T ANYBODY TELL ME THESE THINGS, PEOPLE? THROW
	ME A FRICKIN’ BONE HERE! I’M THE BOSS....NEED THE INFO! (pauses) 
	How does it work.
Tuvok: Watch.

(Kim starts walking down the stairs. Tuvok turns the cloaking device on. 
The stairs disappear and Kim trips and falls the rest of the way.)

Seven: Bu-Bye! Hi, Chakotay! How are you?
Chakotay: Well, I’m---
Seven: Bu-Bye!
Chakotay: What? But you--
Seven: Bu-Bye! (pushes Chakotay down the stairs.)

(The Voyager gang eventually gets down to the ground. Introductions and 
re-caps are made.)

Mulder: ....And we still haven’t gotten our donuts.
Quinn: ....And Maggie is losing it!
Janeway: ...And we’re now in 20th century earth!
Seven: (jumps in and grabs Neelix’s stomach)...And Neelix’s getting 
	larrrrrger! (jumps away)

(The crew mills around some more)

Scully: Well now what?

(A cab pulls up and Spider-Man gets out)

Russian dude from the first season of Sliders: Twenty dollars.
Spider-Man: Do you take credit cards?
Russian: Sure.
Spider-Man: Here. (Spidey hands him Todd McFarlane’s credit card.)
Quinn: What the hell?
Mulder: Who the hell?
Scully: A man in spandex.
Spidey: I’m Spider-Man. Let’s get this show on the road...
Jesse: DAMMIT! SPIDER-MAN! CAN YOU STICK TO THE SCRIPT?
Spidey: Why should I? What’s my motivation?
Jesse: I’ll double your pay.
Spidey: Okay! Let’s start over from where I came in!

(Spider-Man swings in from off the lamp posts.)

Spidey: Hey there, True belivers! What’s up?
Quinn: Um...We’re from another dimension and we want to know what this 
	Earth is like.
Janeway: We’re from the future and we want to get home.
Mulder: I’m FBI. I want donuts.
Scully: I’m FBI also. I want to know why are you wearing spandex? Oh and 	
	I want donuts also.
Spidey: I’m the amazing, spectacular, sensational, wall crawling, web 
	slinging, butt kicking, friendly neighborhood SPIDER-MAN!
Maggie: Hey. I saw your cartoon when I was young. Where’s Ms Lion?
Spidey: Alright! THAT’S IT! Screw that ‘in character’ crap!
Janeway: CAN SOMEONE HELP EXPLAIN WHY WE’RE HERE????
Mulder: WHERE ARE THE DOOOONNNUUUUUUUTTTSSSSS????
Wolverine: I’m Wolverine. I have no reason to be here.
Spidey: What?
Quinn: Who’s he?
Scully: A short canadian with a body hair problem.
Neelix: And a body odor problem too!
Maggie: Alanis Morissette?
Spidey: Uh oh. I know what happens next. (Spidey hides behind a tree.)
Colin: What are you doing?
Spidey: He’s a ninja magnet. Beware.
Colin: What?

(Ninjas jump out of nowhere! Hundreds!)

Rembrandt: Waitaminute! It can’t be hundreds!

(Okay. Seventy Five and a half ninjas jump out of nowhere!)

Chakotay: And a half?

(A ninja midget)

Chakotay: Oh.
Quinn: Where’s that Weaseline guy?
Spidey: He left. We have to fight these ninjas!

(The group begins to fight the ninjas. One person is thrashing many 
ninjas at once.)

Kim: Wow! That has to be Spider-Man! A real hero!
Spidey: Actually, I’m still hiding behind the tree. That’s the Slider 
	girl with the big knockers.

(Maggie is ripping apart ninjas with her teeth.)

Maggie: Grrrrrrrrrr.

(Ninjas are surrounding Mulder and Scully)

Mulder: Scully! This must be Cancer Man’s most nefarious scheme yet!
Scully: Mulder, they have big swords. This means "Shoot them"

(Mulder and Scully shoot the Ninjas)

Quinn: (punches a ninja) They’re everywhere!
Rembrandt: HASSAN CHOP! (Hits a ninja)
Colin: I am not a violent person people!  I AM AMISH!

(A ninja bumps into him)

Colin: THAT’S IT! YOU’RE ALL FUCKING DEAD!

(Colin goes on a killing spree.)

Colin: (Choking the life out of a ninja)
	DiediediediedieDIEdiediedieDIIIEEEEE!

(The Voyager gang is surrounded by ninjas)

Seven: Captain, may I assimilate them?
Janeway: Nooo. Let’s just use the phasers on them and end this quick 
	before the Amish guy gets a hold of them.
Neelix: Great! Can I get a phaser?
Everyone: NO!

(Janeway and the gang disintegrate the ninjas. Except the ones near 
Harry Kim. Those ones kill themselves!)

Quinn: Let’s just end this already! Remmy! Hit it!
Rembrandt: OHHH I’ve got tears in my fro! Lewinsky’s a ho!

(the rest of the ninjas kill themselves)

Spidey: Well... that was surreal.
Raiden: (Clapping) Yes...very good!
Scully: Chistopher Lambert?
Quinn: What the hell?
Raiden: You are all ready to defend this realm!
All: Wha??
Raiden: From the World Devourer and his minions!
All: Wha??
Raiden: Ohhh brother...We’ve got work to do!

(Meanwhile, In space)

Mysterious voice from part 1: I’ve assembled you all here today to fight 
	the chosen ones from earth! Introduce yourselves!
Borg Queen: I am the Borg Queen! This is my associate, Lenny.
Lenny the Borg: Hi.
Cancer Man: I am Cancer Man. This is my associate, Krycek.
Krycek: West Side!
Rickman: I am Colonel Rickman. This is my associate, Logan St. Claire.
Logan St. Claire: Hi.
Dr. Doom: I am DOOM! Bow to my will or feel my wrath!
Others: What-Ever!

WHAT KIND OF EVIL ASS GROUP IS THIS???
WHY IS RAIDEN THERE? HIS CAREER IS ALREADY DEAD!
WHERE DID WOLVERINE GO???
IF MAGGIE KILLS PEOPLE LIKE A DOG, WHAT ELSE DOES SHE DO DOGGYSTYLE??
ALL THIS AND MORE IN SELLOUT PART 3: MORTAL WOMBAT!!

CONTINUE