1. Quinn keeps getting caught watching 'Sensations' and 'An Occasional Hell'
on their hotel 'Spanktravision' while saying things like "Ohh baby....Ohh
yeah! Come to poppa! Oh mamasita!"
(Guess who those two movies star?)
The Ballad of Quinn Mallory (Set to the theme of The Beverly Hillbillies)
Come and listen to a story about a boy named Quinn,
A brilliant young genius who didn't fit in,
Making a science project on one fine day,
He opened up a portal, and he found the gateway!
Interdimensional Vortex,
Wormhole,
Dimensional Rift,
Next thing you know, Quinn's a Slider,
Wade and Arturo said "Let's slide away from here!"
San Francisco's the only place they can be,
Then Rembrandt drove in, in a fine Chevy,
Water worlds,
Kromaggs,
Mel Torme,
Now it's time to say goodbye Quinn and all his kin,
They would like thank you for kindly slidin' in,
You're all invited back to this parallel galaxy,
For a heapin' helpin' of Slider hospitality!
Hotels,
Parks,
Run. Run like hell.
(The banjo solo kicks in and all the sliders come out and wave good bye with
a couple of Kromaggs, Logan St. Claire, Roger Daltrey, Maggie and Henry the
dog.)
Ya'll tune in now. Y'hear?
Top ten reasons why Sliders will never meet the Power Rangers!
10. Sliders can fight SO much better.
9. JODSers outnumber Power Ranger fans 10 to 1, baby!
8. How long would a world populated by giant robots last?
7. Any cinematic effort by a slider is at least worth $7.50 unlike those
power ranger movies.
6. Sliders is more believable (Even 'Electric Twister Acid Test')
5. The heated debate on who's cuter, Wade or Kimberly.
4. Look at the villains on Sliders: Logan St. Clair, Rickman, Kromaggs and
the list goes on. The Power Rangers: Stupid looking 'monsters' in rubber
suits that die after half an hour.
3. Quinn is a million times smarter than that Ranger that is supposed to be
'The smart one'
2. The show would last only two minutes before Maggie blows them away.
1. FOX has to have some good taste. But not bloody likely.
Top ten ways that the other sliders like piss off Maggie.
10. Rembrandt now kicks HER in the tunnel.
9. Wade short sheets her bed.
8. Quinn keeps slapping a post-it reading "I was in Beastmaster 2 and all I
got was this lousy T-shirt!"
7. The sliders suggest replacing her with Austin Powers. Yeah, baby!
6. The only movie they watch is "Tommy"
5. The sliders constantly load pictures of Maggie on the internet.
4. Whenever Maggie comes up with a plan, laughter is heard.
3. They switch her gun with a Super Soaker
2. They keep asking her to do that whole gypsy act from 'Thinner'.
1. Quinn keeps reminding Maggie that he's worked with people like Tom Cruise
and Kiefer Sutherland while she's worked with people like Lorenzo Lamas and
Eric Roberts.
Top Ten Reasons why bringing Maggie along was a GOOD idea!
10. She has good aim!
9. The slider's food budget is surprisingly bigger now!
8. Two large reasons which shall remain nameless.
7. Doesn't worry about that whole girly make up thing like that waif Wade!
6. Doesn't try to punch people out, she just kicks 'em in the jewels!
5. Runs faster than all the sliders put together, This brings up reason no 8.
4. Her sense of humor runs on the dark side!
3. Less sexual tension. (D'oh!)
2. Once again, reason number 8.
1. She has worked with people like John Voight and Joe Mantegna while Quinn
has worked with people like Jason Priestly and Corey Feldman.
Top ten changes/discoveries for and about Sliders now that it's on the
Sci-Fi network.
10. Less T&A with Maggie
9. Wade's hair now green. (YIKES!)
8. Rembrant might be more interesting.
7. Sliders fits right in with a channel carrying Seaquest, Robocop, Mantis
and Lost in Space. YEAH, RIGHT!
6. New prey for the gang on MST3K
5. JODS'ers give the Sci-Fi network the most female viewers its had in an eon.
4. Mission: Genesis makes Every episode of Sliders seem plausible
3. Arturo returns...so the Sliders call Kolchak!
2. The Sliders get the chance to be taken seriously!
1. Real science might be involved now!
Top Ten Guaranteed Ratings Booster for Sliders!
10. Set it in New York City and make it a show about 'nothing'.
9. Have them hang out in a coffee shop and whine for half an hour.
8. Two words: Red swimsuits.
7. Two more words: Hospital drama
6. Have them beat the shit out of Wil Wheaton
5. Get Tarantino to direct an episode.
4. Two more words: Star Trek
3. Get Sliders put on NBC
2. As many times as we've seen it on late night cable, get Kari naked. She
seems to act better that way.
1. MORE WADE! Hot dammit, she's cute! People like cute TV actresses! If the
'Friends' girls weren't cute, do you think they'd have jobs? NOOOOOOOOO!
Then the show would have to be written by GOOD writers! KEEP WADE ON THE
SHOW! I had to take a friend of mine to see Spawn to get a Wade Wells
Sliders card! And I'm glad I did! Why? SHE'S CUTE! SHE'S WORTH SITTING
THROUGH A HOUR AND A HALF OF CINEMATIC SNOT! But that's just my opinion, I
could be wrong.
Brought to you by: Jesse Glaspey