Okay,
so this is my story.
The original is German, so you have to excuse grammatical mistakes (but I tried my best to correct them all!). You can link to my homepage (www.beepworld.de/members24/deepspacenine) , too (if you want...). I wrote many parodies of DS9. They're German, but I'm working on English versions.
Summary of my story:

Weyoun loves Odo.
Odo hates Weyoun.
Weyoun 7 and Damar like each other.
Kira hates Dukat.
Miles hates Kira.
Everybody hates Miles.
I hate Nog.

Ok, bye.

 

---

 

TREACHERY, FAITH AND THE GREAT RIVER - Where nobody has gone before (and where nobody wants to go)


Kiras quarters. Kira and Odo are closely together. 

KIRA: (groans) Lower... lower... yes there! Deeper... deeper... 

ODO: How is that? 

KIRA: (groans louder) YES!!! DEEPER!!!

ODO: (thinks) Actually I have imagined to be worse to repot Kiras flowers... 

KIRA: (roars) OH!  Like that! Good!  YES! 

ODO: Soooo, and now a little water... WHOPS! The watering can slid out off my hand... 

KIRA: Odo, you make me completely wet!!! 

ODO: Oh, I'm sorry! Wait, I'll fetch a towel. 

KIRA: Yes!  Rub me!!! 

When Kira and Odo were completely exhausted from fu... er, repotting flowers, Kira became a little bit hungry, so she ordered a pizza. 

KIRA: (breathes into the telephone receiver)  Oh yes... Yes! YES! Give it to me! More! MORE! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE!!!  (click)
(to Odo) I ordered the pizza! 

ODO: (from the side room) All right! 

TELEPHONE: Ring... ring... 

KIRA: (takes the reciever) Hello, this is Kira Nerys.

TELEPHONE VOICE: Hello, I am a Cardassian. 

KIRA: Hello. 

T.V.: (fearfully) I must speak to Odo! I believe that I -- UAAARG! 

KIRA: Hello? Is everything okay? 

T.V.: (suddenly very low)  Er... yes I'm okay! I only wanted to say that I feel fine and I still want to meet with Odo on a remote Planet.  Bye!  beeeeeeeeeep..... 

KIRA: Huh? Strange... ODO? 

ODO: Yes? 

KIRA: A Cardassian guy called, who wants to meet with you on a remote planet. 

ODO: I know. I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you! And the meeting is tomorrow.  We probably have to repot your flowers another time . 

KIRA: That's not too bad. I can satisfy myself alone. 

The next day.  Kiras quarters. Kira takes the telephone and dials a number. 

KIRA: ... hello pizzaservice, this is Kira Nerys, eeeeeer!  (changes her voice) This is Gul Dukat! I would like to have 75 salamipizzas. Please send the pizzas  to me immediately... (suppresses her laughter)... hihi...  Bye! 

Meanwhile Odo has already flown to that remote planet.  He sees a big sign.

SIGN: Secret cave. Don't come in.

He walks into the cave. 

ODO: Hello? Hellooo-ooo? 

It's so dark and dusty, he can't look very far.

SIGN: Please do not smoke. Thanks. 

ODO: Hello? Is anyone there? Hello? HELLO? 

Kiras quarters. 

DOOR BELL: Ringadingdong...

KIRA: (excited) Oh, the door bell! At last I can test my new anti-visitor-system! 

She goes to the door and opens. 

KIRA: Hello? Hello! HELLO? HELLO!!! WHICH STINKING DIRT HOG RANG HERE AT MY DOOR???

DUKAT: (from far away) 75 salamipizzas! 

KIRA: I  WILL STUFF 75 SALAMIPIZZAS UP YOUR ASS!!! 

DUKAT (further away): So long! 

KIRA: Computer! Activate anti-visitor-system!!! 

DOOR: Shh...

KIRA: Oh... very good computer... closing the door never came to my mind...

COMPUTERVOICE: Sorry, the computer is not at home. If you have an order, speak after the beep. Beep. Ha-Ha!

KIRA: Damn computer. My door is closed and the key is on the other side!  Oh! I gave my second key to Odo! But Odo is not here. F... er, Muck... 

Again on that stinky planet, in the dark cave. 

ODO: HEEEELLOOOOOO? Amusing Cardassiaaaaaaan! Where aaaaare youuuuuu? 

WEYOUN: Here. 

ODO: You are not a Cardassian. 

WEYOUN: I know. 

ODO: Where is the Cardassian? 

WEYOUN: Not here. 

ODO: What happened to the Cardassian? 

WEYOUN: I think he died... 

ODO: Uhu.  And why are you here? 

WEYOUN: I am here to serve you founder. 

ODO: Sure. Tell the truth! 

WEYOUN: That is the truth!  I don't want to belong to the Dominion any longer, I want to belong to you! (he lowers his voice) Do with me as you wish. 

ODO: Ah! You are collapsing!

WEYOUN: ...

ODO: You are collaborating? 

WEYOUN: ???

ODO: What is the verb to collaborator? 

WEYOUN: To detect to the enemy? 

ODO: Well well. (clears his throat exaggerated for a long time) Ah! You defect to the enemy! 

WEYOUN: I only live to serve the founders. 

ODO: Then why do you flee? 

WEYOUN: I'll tell you everything you want to know, but first we really should get abord your runabout. The Jem'Hadar are already hunting for me! 

ODO: Hmmmm... (suddenly has an idea) You'll tell me everything I want to know? 

WEYOUN: You only need to ask for it founder. 

ODO: Hmmmm... (considers for a few minutes) where are the Ketracelwhite stocks? 

WEYOUN: (a whole set of planet coordinates) ...and under the founders bed! 

ODO: Hmmm... sounds true, but I am not quite sure yet... 

WEYOUN: We really should be going founder! 

ODO: First you answer my questions!  And stop calling me founder! 

WEYOUN: As you wish! Now ask me!  But hurry please!!! 

ODO: Is it correct that most Vorta are gay? 

WEYOUN: Yes. 

ODO: Are you also gay? 

WEYOUN: Yes. 

ODO: Do you think that my hair-style is gay? 

WEYOUN: Your hair is beautiful!

ODO: Well, then I will leave it like this.  Come along, we'll go. 

WEYOUN: Yes founder... Er, Master! ER, NO! Odo... 

They beam up to the shuttle.

ODO: Sit there, so I can keep an eye on you.

WEYOUN: If it makes you feel better. But you should know I would never harm a god.

ODO: I'm not a god. I'm a security officer... I just have a godlike body...

SHUTTLE: Wrum....wrum... wromwromwromwrooooooooooom wrooooooooom... 

Meanwhile on DS9. Chief O'Brien comes to the Ops. 

EZRI: (shouts) Good MOOOOORNIIIIIIIING!!!

MILES: What? 

EZRI: In your place I would disappear fast again. 

MILES: Why? 

KIRA: (from the background) CHIIIIIIIIEEEEEEF!!! 

EZRI: Because of her. Tried to warn you... 

She goes to the turbolift. 

MILES: In your place I would not go in there. 

EZRI: Why? 

SIGN BESIDE THE TURBOLIFT: Out of order. 

EZRI: AAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...... 

Bang. Dead.

MILES: Because of that. Tried to warn you... 

KIRA: Chief!!! 

MILES: I know! The desk of the Captain is gone. 

KIRA: The desk of the Captain is gone?  I'm not interessted in the captains problems, I have a much worse problem!  I locked myself out of my quarters! 

OPS CREW: She locked herself out of her quarters!  AAHA HA HA HA HA... 

MILES: But I made a new key for you a few days ago. 

KIRA: Yes, but I gave it to Odo. And Odo is not here. So, I don't have a second key! 

OPS CREW: She doesn't have a second key!  AAHA HA HA HA HA... 

KIRA: Okay, it's enough! (pulls her phaser and shoots everything) 

OPS CREW MEMBERS: AAAARG! (fall down dead, fall down railings or explode...) 

MILES: Er... oh, I remember that I forgot something at home! I have to fetch it immediately... (runs away) 

Odo and Weyoun in the shuttle. Weyoun sits with open mouth a centimeter away from Odos face. A slimy liquit drops from his lips...

ODO: Wish you'd stop doing that. 

WEYOUN: Doing what? 

ODO: Staring at me. 

WEYOUN: Was I?  I didn't mean to. 

ODO: You've been doing it for the last 10 hours... 

WEYOUN: I'm sorry. It's just such an honour to be sitting here with a g... 

ODO: With a what? 

WEYOUN: G...  g... good-looking man! 

ODO: Godlike man! That's what Kira says, but thanks nevertheless. 

WEYOUN: Oh no!  I must thank you for the fact that I may sit here beside you, foun... er... 

ODO: HA! You wanted to say "founder"!!! 

WEYOUN: NO!  NO, I DIDN'T! 

ODO: Yes you did!

WEYOUN: Nooooo! 

ODO: Do you contradict a founder?

WEYOUN: No I... however... you are... but you... I... thought... you didn't want to... and then... I have... I wanted... and you...  AAAAAAARRRG!!!!!  NOW YOU BEFUDDLED ME!!! 

DISPLAY: Cheep cheep cheep... 

ODO: We are hailed! 

DISPLAY: Dominion Hail. Trap. Danger. 

WEYOUN: Don't answer, that's a trap!

ODO: I can't!  They're jamming all the frequencies! 

DISPLAY shows Weyoun 7 and Damar. 

WEYOUN 7: Hi! 

ODO: Huh?  (looks completely frightened at the display with Weyoun 7 on it)  Huh?  (regards the Weyoun beside him)  Huh?  (looks again at the display) Huh?  (Weyoun beside him)  Huh?  (display) Huh?  (briefly sinks into deep thoughts and counts out something with his fingers)  Hey!  Two Weyouns!  That caaaaaan't be done at aaaaaall!  One too many! 

WEYOUN 7: I couldn't agree more.

ODO: Now which one of you is the real Weyoun? 

WEYOUN 7: There is no real Weyoun.  The Weyoun, with whom you had contact through the last few years, died in a transporter accident unfortunately. 

DAMAR: Ehe he heeee... er... (starts to cough artificially) 

ODO: Uhu! (counts out something with its fingers again) This is Weyoun 6. And you must be 7.

WEYOUN: I've never told you that I'm 6! How did you know?

ODO: Forgot it? I'm a god!

WEYOUN: Oh... I see...

ODO: But that does not explain why we have two Weyouns now.

WEYOUN 7: Very simple.  This Weyoun there is defective, therefore he is replaced! 

WEYOUN: I am not defective! 

WEYOUN 7: Then why do you collapse? 

DAMAR: He-em... 

WEYOUN 7: Uhm, I mean... (looks around with a glassy look on his face for a few seconds)  collaborating... (looks helplessly to Damar.)  ... or? 

ODO: Just say "to defect to the enemy"...

WEYOUN 7: Proof your loyalty to the founders and activate your determination implant! 

WEYOUN: The only founder I'm loyal to is Odo! 

DAMAR: (goes into hysterics and wraps up his workstation) DAMNED!  WHAT SHALL WE DO NOW? 

WEYOUN 7: Uhm... actually it's not that bad . 

DAMAR: (completely normally) Oh, I see... 

WEYOUN 7: Well Weyoun, but you are still one too many! Activate your implant! 

WEYOUN: No! Odo wants me alive! 

ODO: (thinks) I've never said that, but all the same... 

WEYOUN 7: All right!  Then we send a Jem'Hadarship to shoot you! 

ODO: Okay okay!  You get him ba... 

WEYOUN: No! Never! Odo will protect me! Odo, you will protect me, won't you?

ODO: (gloomy) Oh... if I have to... 

WEYOUN: See! 

WEYOUN 7:  We send a Jem'Hadarship nevertheless! 

WEYOUN:  But the Jem'Hadar would never shoot at Odo, because he is a founder! 

WEYOUN 7:  That's correct.  Shoot... 

WEYOUN: (stretches out the tongue) Nana nana naaaanaaaaaaaa!!! 

DAMAR:  Maybe they won't. But I would shoot at a founder!  (presses a button on the console with his middle finger.  The picture disappears.) 

ODO:  Well done... 

WEYOUN:  I'm sorry, I should have told you that earlier! 

ODO: (thinks)  Oh that's okay, That can happen to anyone at times. (talks loud) Idiot. 

WEYOUN: ???  

ODO:  Er... I, er...  OH!  SHUT DA FUCK UP!

Again on DS9. Quarters of the O'Briens. 

KAIKO:  There! And now you watch out for Molly, Miles!

MILES:  Surely my darling... 

KAIKO:  And give me your wallet!  I need new clothes again!  These here are almost two days old already! 

MILES:  But of course my tulip... 

KAIKO:  And when I come back here everything is polished sparkling clean! Did I expressed myself clearly? 

MILES:   Yes honey... 

MOLLY:  Mom!  I don't want to stay here with Daddy.  That is so boring. 

KAIKO:  I know that your father is boring, my dear.  EVERYBODY knows he's boring!!! 

Kaiko leaves the quaters.  Molly runs into her room furiously. Miles sits down on the sofa. 

DOOR BELL:  Pleep pleep pleep pleep pleep pleep... 

MILES:  Hm? 

DOOR BELL:  Pleep pleep pleep pleep pleep pleep... 

MILES:  Who can that be? 

KIRA: (from outside) Open the door, stinking dirt hog! 

MOLLY:  Daddy, it's aunt Nerys! Open! 

MILES:  Er... (opens the door)

KIRA:  Well finally!  It's about time! 

MILES:  Uhm, of course.  What do you want? 

KIRA:  What I want?  HEEEELLOOOO?  Earth to Miles!  I want to fetch my key! 

MILES:  Your key?  I have to make a new one first! 

KIRA:  WHAT? YOU DIDN'T EVEN START YET?  DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAITED IN FRONT OF MY QUARTERS AND COULDN'T GET IN? I WANT MY KEY!!!

MILES:  Yes! Sure!

KIRA:  WHERE DID YOU MAKE YOUR EXAM? AT A JUICE STORE??? HURRY!

MILES:  Uhm... that could last a little.  Can I offer something to you? 

KIRA:  Something crunchy! 

MILES:  Something crunchy. 

KIRA:  YES! 

MILES:  Er, of course.  Here, a few pretzels (gives her the pretzels). 

KIRA:  Thanks! (swallows all at once)  Belch!

Miles slowly walks into the side room. 

KIRA:  HEY!  And something to drink? 

MILES: Yes... what would you like? 

KIRA:  Oh, a small glas of champagne would be nice... 

MILES:  Listen, it's enough!  I have enough to do!  Why don't you just wait till Odo comes back? 

KIRA: Ooooookay... (goes to the door, turns around again) Could I use your telephone for a moment? 

Dominion HQ

WEYOUN 7:  We can't kill a founder!!! 

DAMAR: (sips his kanar) Yes, we can. 

WEYOUN 7:  No, we can't!!!

DAMAR: Yes, we can!

WEYOUN 7: NO WE CAN'T!

DAMAR: You always say the opposite of what I say! (starts crying) You don't like me! I thought you were my best friend!

WEYOUN 7: Uhm... no... I... I'm sorry. Please, let's be friends again!

DAMAR: (beams) Okay!

WEYOUN 7: But nevertheless, we can't kill Odo. He is a founder. And Jem'Hadar don't shoot at founders. They aren't as stupid as they look...

JEM'HADAR IN FRONT OF THE DOOR: (starts crying) Waaaaaaa...

DAMAR: (whispers) Nobody tells the Jem'Hadar who is on board. You just order them to destroy the runabout and that's that!

WEYOUN 7:  But if the founders ever found out that we are responsable for Odo's death... 

DAMAR: ...oh, then we let it look like an accident! 

In the shuttle. 

WEYOUN: (murmurs) ...zzz... ...zzz... ...Odo?...  ...oahh...  HOUA! 

ODO:  What's wrong? 

WEYOUN:  Oh... I think I was... dreaming... 

ODO:  Sounds more like a nightmare. 

WEYOUN:  Yes... I was in kindergarten... and we should go outside to play... however... I couldn't  find the right door... and then I called your name, but you... were already outside on the playground... then I was hunted... by my kindergarten teacher... or was it a Klingon? (starts laughing) Silly, isn't it? 

ODO:  Not at all. It's not easy to turn your back on your own people.

WEYOUN: Huh? My back?

ODO: Believe me, I know. 

WEYOUN: Er... yeah... right...

Suddenly everything shakes. 

ODO:  A Jem'Hadarship shoots at us! 

WEYOUN:  What? They would never fire at you! Or they don't know who they're firing at. We've got to let them know you're on board!

ODO:  I can't get through, they're jamming all the frequencies. Again...

WEYOUN:  They've been ordered not to communicate with us...  I have an idea!!! 

ODO: (monotonous)  Yeeha. I am so curious. I wish you'd tell me. 

WEYOUN:  Fly the shuttle like this (streches his arms and acts like he's a plane), like this ( makes a swan figure) and like this (jumps in a circle). 

Odo flies the shuttles like this, like this and like this. 

WEYOUN:  And now just shoot at the ship with a little fart-phaser and it's scrap iron.

Odo shoots.  Ship is scrap iron. 

ODO:  That was too simple...

DRAMATIC MUSIC: Du! Du! Duuuuuuuuu... 

Dominion HQ

DAMAR:  How can a small shuttle of starfleet destroy such a large Jem'Hadarship? 

WEYOUN 7:  Well!  Sometimes something large is in something small!  (he presents himself)

DAMAR:  I know these sayings.  It doesn't depend on the size of the hammer, but on how one nails with it. I had to hear that all so often, but it's always just the size!  I wished mine was larger... 

WEYOUN 7:  Eeer...... I think we'll still send more Jem'Hadarships! 

DAMAR:  Yes, I think so too. 

WEYOUN 7:  All right. Don't forget to tell them to fire on sight without mercy! 

The door opens. A few Jem'Hadar make a fanfare or throw flowers. The founder comes in. She steps on a flower, slides, falls down, stands up, beats up the Jem'Hadar and kicks them out of the door.

FOUNDER: (sets her hair-style straight) Fire at whom?

WEYOUN 7:  Founder!  How may I serve you? 

FOUNDER:  By answering my question. 

WEYOUN 7:  Uhm... we... 

DAMAR:  We, er... have... 

WEYOUN 7:  ...located... 

DAMAR:  ... a shuttle... 

WEYOUN 7:  ... exactly!  It's a starfleet shuttle! 

DAMAR:  Yeah, and it spied! 

WEYOUN 7:  Yeah, and we send ships!

DAMAR: ...to destroy it! Destroy! Detroy! Destroy!

WEYOUN 7: Yeah! Destroying is fun!

FOUNDER:  A small shuttle shouldn't be much of a threat... 

DAMAR:  Nevertheless, sometimes something large is in something small!  Isn't it? 

WEYOUN 7:  Yeeeeeeeaaaaaah! 

The founder silently regards the two for some minutes. Damar looks at her crumpled face. 

DAMAR:  Are you feeling alright? 

FOUNDER:  Why do you ask? 

DAMAR:  Oh, just... you know (turns and giggles) Ahihihi...

WEYOUN 7: Silly billy!

FOUNDER:  Well... perhaps... I'll leave you two now... (she backs out of the room and regards the two distrustfully.) 

Again in the shuttle.  

WEYOUN: (chews) Humyumyum... yumyum... myum myum! Finished! Salami pizza good! 

ODO:  I hope so.  You have eaten 75 pieces... 

WEYOUN:  Yes!  Normally I eat rippleberries and kavanuts! 

ODO:  Mh-mh... that is stupid... 

WEYOUN:  Hm... shall I tell you the story of how the vorta were created? 

ODO:  No. 

WEYOUN:  Oh... well, well... Odo there is something you need to know.

ODO:  What? 

WEYOUN:  A sickness has spred through the great link. The founders... melt. 

DRAMATIC MUSIC: Du! Du! Duuuuuu... 

And now little advertisement for our new sponsor (not for quark): 

Are you bored with your solid form?  Would you like to be a changeling?  Then buy the new:
SHAPESHIFTER 2000!!!
Simply swallow, and within seconds your skin shrivels, even gets slimy.  You can't hold your form any longer, disintegrate and look like a freshly crapped heap of shit!
YES!  SHAPESHIFTER 2000!
And it's soooo simple! 

Back again. 

ODO: Why didn't you tell me this earlier? 

WEYOUN: I'm sorry!  But I did not want to burden you with this, I know that it causes you pain. 

ODO: (whimpers) How did you know? (sob) 

WEYOUN: The female founder wanted to discuss some things with me... though... actually she only mentioned it, because actually she wanted to fuck  me...

ODO: Aah! (covers his ears) That word!

WEYOUN: What? Fuck?

ODO: Aah!

WEYOUN: Sorry. You are security officer and this word may not be said.

ODO: Right!

WEYOUN: But this is an X-rated story, so only adult people read it (wink).

ODO: But I don't like that word. It reminds me of Quark.

WEYOUN: Er, okay. Just as we were fucking... 

ODO: AAH!

WEYOUN: Sorry. Her hands suddenly began to... melt!  It was only for few seconds, but I paid no attention to it, because we were fu...

ODO: I KNOW!!! 

WEYOUN: Anyhow, it happened again some days later.  She said the entire link is suffered from the disease.

ODO: Oi oi oi... that is not good at all! 

WEYOUN: But you have to survive!  You can create a new Dominion and erase the errors it caused! 

Hundreds of millions of Jem'Hadarships appear suddenly and shoot at the shuttle. 

ODO: Oh no! 

WEYOUN: Help! Help! 

ODO: We must shake them off! I'll go into the turbo-drive and zip through the asteroid-field in front of us!!! 

SHUTTLE: Zoom - Zoom - Zoom

JEM'HADARSHIP: Follow them! - Follow them! - Follow them!

ODO: And now I'll fly into that asteroid fastly and switch all systems off, so that they do not register us any longer! 

WEYOUN: Odo... you don't need to say everything loudly, I see this alone... 

ODO: And now I fly back and strike Weyoun in destruction! 

Again on DS9 in O'Brien's quarters. 

KIRA: Where is your telephone? 

MILES: Here.  But make it short. 

KIRA: Oh yes! Of course! (dials a number) Hello?  Who is there? What? I wanted to speak with Dukat... uhu... uhu... what?  He is at the pool? Then go get him!  What? Well, then tell him that he should call me here at O'Briens quarters. What? Yes, now go, go and tell him!!! I am at O'Brien's quarters and I am waiting for his call!  (click)

MILES: Whom did you call?  Dukat? 

KIRA: Yes. 

MILES: But it's dead expensive to call from here to Cardassia! 

KIRA: He'll call back. 

TELEPHONE:  Ring... ring... ring...

KIRA:  There you are!  (takes up the reciever) Hello?  It's me, Kira!  You stay where you are, I'll call right back, otherwise it will be too expensive for you! O'Brien will pay for us. Well! Ciao!!! (click) Now I have to call him back... 

MILES: Now it's enough! (he pulls Kira to the door)

KIRA: Hey, what are you doing? 

MILES: Leave my quarters! Now! 

KIRA: And what about my key? 

MILES: It doesn't matter!!! 

KIRA: Can I get a few pretzels at least? 

MILES:  OUT! (he presses her through the door)

KIRA:  Get your hands off me! Don't even think of touching me! (the door closes) YOU DIRT HOG! Just wait!!! Tomorrow I'll poison your Ractachino! I'll kill you! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!! 

In the shuttle. 

WEYOUN: (shivers) When you said you would be cutting power to all the systems did that include life-support? 

ODO:  Jep. There is enough oxygen left for another 3 hours.  But untill then we'll freeze. 

WEYOUN:  My faith will warm me. 

ODO:  Mh mh... sure... 

WEYOUN: (his teeth start to chatter)

ODO:  At least you have a blanket!  I don't have anything! 

WEYOUN:  OH!  No!  Here, you take the blanket!  You have to survive! 

ODO:  Well, thanks!  (he rips it out of Weyoun's hands)

Suddenly everything shakes. Again...

WEYOUN:  They found us! 

ODO:  Woooaaaa!  REVERSE GEAR! 

He flies the shuttle out of the asteroid, before it is shot up.  Large space battle begins.
Woa! Boom! Boom! BANG! More destruction! Explode! Fire! Bang! Boom! Blam blam blam blam...

ODO:  Ahh!  Save yourselves! Help!!! 

WEYOUN:  Wait! (goes to the display.  Swiches it on. Weyoun 7 and Damar appear again)

DAMAR:  Hey, how did he reach us so fast ? 

WEYOUN:  Call back those ships! 

ODO: (comes into the picture briefly)  Heeeeeeeeeelp!!!  (runs away again) 

WEYOUN: (activates his stupid implant)  Huae!  Call... back... your damn ships! 

WEYOUN 7:  I'm glad to see you've come back to your senses.  (turns to Damar) Call back the ships! 

DAMAR:  Why me? 

WEYOUN 7:  Huh? 

DAMAR:  Why always me? 

WEYOUN:  CALL BACK THOSE SHIPS!!! (falls down) Uaeae... 

ODO:  What have you done?

WEYOUN: I saved your life...

WEYOUN 7:  He activated his suicide implant.  Finally. 

WEYOUN:  I only live to serve the founders... 

WEYOUN 7:  Odo, is there anything else I can do for you... 

ODO:  I think you've done enough! 

WEYOUN 7:  Then not.  I hope that you have a pleasent journey back to DS9. In the case of a forced landing there are life jackets under your seats. Put your seats vertical with the landing...  (display goes out)

ODO:  Weyoun... 

WEYOUN:  Odo... (cough cough)

ODO:  Don't worry, everything becomes good again!  You'll get over it! 

WEYOUN:  The vortascientists said that death is painless by the implant... but it's not... 

ODO:  I get a painreliever! 

WEYOUN:  No!  Stay with me! 

ODO:  What should I do? 

WEYOUN:  Odo... 

ODO:  My darling? 

WEYOUN:  Please... (cough cough) kiss me... 

ODO:  I can't. 

WEYOUN:  Please Odo... (spit blood, cough) kiss me... 

ODO:  Hmpf... okay. (smack)

WEYOUN:  Haaaa.... (dead)

Again on DS9. 

KIRA:  Odo there you are! 

ODO:  Did you miss me? 

KIRA:  No.  Do you have my key? 

ODO:  Er... here... 

KIRA:  Thanks. (takes the key. Runs away.)

End.