Note from the author:
A long time ago in a class in a college in the heartland I was assigned to rewrite a play. Well as all things go in college I delayed and delayed and delayed until I ended up writing this thing the night before it was due. This story is the result of 3 20 ounce bottles of moutain dew, 2 pots of coffee and lots of sleep depervation. A little background on the story: the story was birthed out of a play called Trifles, it is a play about a murder and some other junk (hey_I only read it once.)

"Theorizing that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished .... He woke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home."

Chicago 1978

So far_Sam Beckett has taken control of the body of a relationship counseler in Chicago_.he doesn't know it yet but he will find out soon enough why this has happened_two young people Jerry and Susie obviously needed some help in their budding relationship_..

As Jerry and Susie embraced each other Their matchmaker smiled_.

Sam Beckett: Another one in the bag `eh Al?

Al the Hologram: Something like that. By the way Sam_.Why did you stop them from mud Wrestling?_.You know I um enjoy the obvious Side Benefits of your leaping_.

Sam: (Rolling his eyes) Be Quiet you pervert_.can't you control your libido for a minute?

Jerry: What did you say?

Sam: Oh nothing

Jerry: No you @#%$ you called me a pervert and I am going to hurt you for that_.

Sam: (starts running away)

Jerry: Chicken (rolls his eyes in disgust)

Susie: Forget about that jerk_I just wanna say I Love You Jerry Springer_.

Jerry: I love you too_..NOW LETS MAKE OUT SOME MORE!

Susie: COOL!

Jerry: By the Way_.you know that thing with you and your mud wrestling Ex Lesbian Love Slave? I was just thinking what a great Idea for a TV Show based on weird relationships_.(Laughs)_Nah_wouldn't work

Jerry and Susie: MAKE OUT LIKE CRAZY

Sam: So Al what happens to them?

Al: After you call me names you think you are going to get a nice word out of me_you are wrong. Besides I don't know_..apparently Ziggy has become obsessed with this show called The Jerry Springer Show__.

Sam: (Starts to leap_.Sam Smiles_..for him this is better than anything else_.) (finally leaps out of the body of Rev John Mcintosh)

John Mcintosh: What happened now? Dang_I knew I should have stayed away from that crack pipe_..

Chapter 2: Enter the Sliders

Narrator: The Sliders are a group of inter dimensionally traveling 20 somethings who basically got in this way because their leader Quinn Mallory was trying to hack into a cell phone and opened a window into another universe_. Well now they are stuck because they can't find the power button on their cell phone_and plus they are lost or something like that_.

Somewhere on Barney World_..
Our three intrepid travelers Quinn Mallory, Maggie Beckett, and Rembrandt Brown are running down a street_.a familiar huge dinosaur follows them chasing them_..

Barney: I love you, You love me__

Maggie Beckett: (leaps out_.dressed as she was in her first season_only enough clothing to keep the network censors happy_) Lets gang up and kill Barney_.( Launches Stinger Missile at life-size Barney)

Barney: No No No that's no way to play my friends_.(grabs stinger missile out of the air and crushes it in his hand) That's not playing nice!

Maggie: @#$%^

Quinn Mallory: Hurry sweet cheeks_.Its time!

Maggie: I love it when you talk to me like that professor_uh I mean Quinn_uh ..Lets get out of here! The big ugly will kill us if we don't hurry you Blistering Idiots!

Quinn: PROFESSOR! You Blistering Idiot! I know now! You really loved the professor didn't you?

Narrator: Ok Wait a minute! Quinn_.the Professor barely met maggie_.the reason she keeps on saying things like You Blistering Idiot is because some Fox executives decided to combine the two characters_.it you notice, Quinn, she has gained quite a bit of weight and developed an appetite_

Quinn: oh ok

Narrator: (Getting Very annoyed) Lets Resume_.

Special effects worm hole opens_..the three intreped Sliders jump in. Just before the wormhole closes the 50 foot tall Barney stomps on the vortex_.crushing it and landing the Sliders somewhere else___.

Commercial Break: This week on the new WB/UPN Superstation! It's the Series premier of Fraiser: The Vampire Slayer, followed by Highlander: South park_Thrill to the adventures of Duncan McLeoud as he move to a new home in South Park;

Duncan McLeoud: There can be only one!

Cartman: Oh My God! He decapitated Kenny!

It's the Show that TV Guide said "is the worst piece of @#$% that we have seen in over 50 years of television"

WB/UPN where out motto is_.We Rip off everyone and then make teen dramas that examine our motivations_..

Show Resumes__..

Sliding vortex opens in a living room_..

Quinn: Wheeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Rembrant Brown: (The Cryin man is cryin for real now_.) I hate this part!

Maggie: (Lands on Kenny_..)

Cartman: Oh my God! That fat Woman Killed Kenny!

Maggie: Eats Cartman_.

Rembrandt: (Starts Glowing Blue_As usual no one notices..)

Rembrandt/Sam Beckett: OH BOY!

Quinn: Remmy! You look different_.what happened?

Sam: (tells Quantum Leap Story)

Quinn: (tells Sliders Story)

Sherriff: (who looks strangely like The Doctor From Star Trek: Voyager) I reckon you people would not mind explaining what is going on here_..

Quinn: (Tells Sliders Story)

Sam: (launches into Quantum Leap story)

Sherriff: Well there is someone in this house who is now dead thanks to you Blistering Idiots! And one of YOU did it_..!

Quinn: Well It wasn't me_.I was getting chased by Barney

Sam: It wasn't me_.I was Reuniting two lovers_.

Maggie: I was cleaning out a KFC_.

Sheriff: (mutters I did not know this was in the program_Hmm_.) Well a local came and heard screams and this is what I found_..a dead body_and you people ..and the now deceased mate_.

Quinn: you mean there are two dead people now?

Sheriff: yes_the wife of the deceased was killed by that fat woman who came in with you_.please no one should die defending her kitchen_..

Sam: (Looking at the dead body_.. ) This guy died of natural causes_.he had excess gas_.

Sheriff: hmph_.this program bites_.Computer! end Program!

Surrondings disappear but the 3 travelers remain_.

Sheriff/ Doctor: Very funny Mister Paris_.

Quinn: (Realization hits him ) Oh God! Not again!

Quinn and maggie together: Voyager!

Quinn: The last time we were here the Captain tried to shove us out of an airlock_.

Doctor: You've not met Bestie then__

Maggie: Betsie_?

Doctor: Doctor to Security_.we have a code beta security emergency on Holodeck 3!

On the Bridge_..

Janeway: Code Beta!_that can mean only one thing!

Bridge Crew and Expendable Extras: SLIDERS!

Explosions rock the bridge_.several panels blow out and a whole bunch of nameless redshirt ensign Kennys are blown to smithereens.

Janeway: (grabs her favorite Phaser compression Rifle Nicknamed Betsie, which was locked in a secret cabinet in her ready room labeled coffee beans and under a triple voice lock_.the thing is as big as some barnyard animals)

Meanwhile on the holodeck_..

Quinn: Security?_.uh the timer is beeping now guys_.time to go!

Worm Hole Opens_.The three jump in _Just a Captain Janeway and Betsie burst in the door_.

Janeway: Oh no! Not that fast! Jumps in just a the wormhole closes_..

Now we go to Kamp Keneviel__

Fox Commentator: We now go to our ramp cam where Robbie Keneviel is about to attempt his death defying Grand Canyon jump_..

Next we see a wormhole open on the ramp and the sliders plus Captain Janeway all land in one huge clump_.

Fox Commentator: He's gaining speed_.He may make it!

Robbie Keneviel: Oh NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (drives over the side to the ramp_.dies in horrible explosion at the bottom of the grand canyon)

Evil Keneviel: A chip off the old block that boy of mine_..

Quinn: Only 3 minutes on this world!

Janeway: Die you Sliders scum! (Fires Betsie at the sliders and hits the timer_.causing a purple wormhole to open)

Sliders: AHHHH!!!!!!! (Then jump in the wormhole)

Janeway: (Follows)

Meanwhile on the Enterprise E Holodeck___

Troi: So you're Jadzia Dax?

J Dax: Why yes_.how did you _..

Troi: We have a mutual acquaintance I believe you know Worf?

J Dax: Yes I do! He's my Hubby!

Troi: Not for long! (pulls out a phaser and aims) You trill bimbo_..lets make this sporting_.RUN!

Captain Picard: Picard to Troi__counselor I need you to help me Discuss my ah hem Feelings_.report to my quarters immediately .

Troi: (Dax already forgotten, Smiles big) Yes Sir!

The all familiar sickly looking wormhole opens_.Quinn Lands on Troi

Quinn: Oh Yeah_ (gets stepped on by the Kool Aide Man)

Kool Aide Man: (Busts through a window and gets sucked out into space along with several Red Shirt Ensign Kennys) OH @#$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quinn: (Grabs Troi by her well um boobs) Hey Babe! Wanna Make out?

Troi: YES!!!!!!!

Troi and Quinn start making out and then they [ deleted by Motion Picture Association of America]

Expendable Security extra: whats going on in here?

Sliders minus Quinn: Oh Nothing!

Quinn: YES!

Troi: I FEEL YOUR PAIN!

Dax: She's trying to kill me! (Points to Troi who is dressed now like a dominatrix)

ESE: She's Killing me for sure!

Picard: (Walks in and sees Troi and Quinn and demotes Troi to assistant waste extraction ensign junior grade) Whats going on here?

Maggie and Sam/Remmie: We are the sliders, we come from earth in the twentieth century from a show on the fox netowrk_

Sam: And I am Sam Beckett a time traveler who occupies others bodies for my secret time travel experiment_.I am currently occupying this sliders body_.

Tiger Woods: I am Tiger Woods

Maggie: So where's Remmy?

Sam: He is currently occupying my body in 1999, Last I heard from my Hologram Remmy was using up all my free AOL hours in a chat room called people connection_.

Sam: My show was on NBC but then it got canned and ended up on the Sci Fi Channel just before Star Trek.

Commercial Break!

Next time on Andy Griffith / Felicity Hour: Felicity and Opie Spend the entire hour talking about Felicity's next stalking victim_.Barney Fife!

Deputy Fife: I hate you Felicity! You are a freak of nature! Leave Me alone!

Felicity: But I love you deputy!

Only on the new WB/UPN: Where we delight in ripping everything off!

Enterprise E Conference Room:::::

Picard: So what should we do about our situation people? I want a solution and I want it now! (gets handed an oscar)

Riker: (Downs a can of Budwiser) BUUUUUURRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

Data: So there's this Andorian, a vulcan and a Klingon in a bar_..

ALL: Shut Up Data!

Quinn: Well I personally don't wanna get home now that I have found Troi_..

Voices in the authors head: Geez this is getting really stupid?

Voices 2 : Yes it is really stupid but you knew that you should have done this 6 weeks ago but NOOOO you had to wait until the last minute to turn this in so now you have got all these cool SciFi shows stuck together in one of the Biggest messes since the Clinton Health Care Plan_.

Voices 1: Isn't cool!

Voices 2: What are you going to do to fix it?

Voices 1: Just watch me!

Resume Parody:::::::::

Wesley: I have a solution!

Picard: Oh What are we Going to do?

Doctor Crusher: Get Bigger Contracts?

Data: Ask for more money per movie?

Riker: (Looking at viewscreen) How do you put this thing on Wrestling?

Geordi: Cameo in another Voyager Episode?

Quinn: Move to the Scifi Channel?

Janeway: Help seven of nine get a life?

Remmy/Sam: Get back at NBC?

Voice from Quantum Leap Intro: Find another job?

Voice that Says Sliders: Get a real Job?

Maggie: Find a McDonalds in the 24th Century?

Troi: Kill Dax and get Worf back?

Wesley: I can get them back!

Security Guard: Captain!, We have a definate Code yellow emergency!

All: OH NO NOT WESLEY

Worf: Die you irritating little QLAGH ! ( Kills Wesley)

Commercial Break!

New from Paramount Records! William Shatner sings modern rock hits!

I don't want to miss a thing by Aerosmith

Shatner: I _..Don't _.Want to _..Miss_..A Thing.

Ironic By Alanis Morrisette

Shatner: Its _..Like_..Rain_.on your wedding_..Day

Coming Soon! William Shatner sings your favorite R&B songs!

Enterprise E Conference Room___

Quinn: So there is a way for this to be over?

Author: Yes_.

Quinn: How?

Author: When I say it is.

Geordi: Ok Here it is_.all we have to do is technobable technobable technobable and insert this homemade flux capacitor, mix in some of neelix's leola root stew and viola! Its solved!

All: Cool!

Sam: What about me getting home?

Geordi: Sorry you are going to be stuck on the sci fi channel until the year 2009

Janeway: Can I get Betsie back now?

Picard: Yes_.as soon as we discuss some new tatics _. Come to my quarters and we can discuss "the Picard Manuver"

Janeway: Oh Yeah!

Kool Aide Man: I am suing you for copy right infringement!

Worf: Sue this! (Blows away the kool aide man)

Riker: BBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!

Quinn: Lets get the lead out_..! I am needed back to star in Scream 3

Geordi: Lets Get to Engeneering!

Johnny Rico: BUGS!!!!!!!!

Data: Psst!_.buddy_.Wrong Movie!

Johnny Rico: Sorry! (Disappears)

Maggie: (Goes with Geordi and Quinn) Show me how the Replicator works you blistering idiot!

Geordi: Sure! If you will do me a favor and call it a date_.

Maggie: Ok_just as long as it can produce a bucket of KFC extra Crispy_

Geordi: Where do you think Riker's gut came from?

2 hours later on holodeck 3, or is it three hours later on holodeck 2? (Author Slaps head and injects his arm with pure 100% Colombian Coffee.) Oh Well_.

Quinn: Ok! We're Ready to go! Where's Janeway?

Geordi: Where's Picard?

Janeway: (Walking in) So how did you like the "Janeway Maneuver"

Picard: (Walking in with his arm in a sling and dragging one leg) Ow! Ow! Ow!

Maggie: BBBBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPP!

Quinn: Thirty Seconds Left!!!!!!!!

Maggie: Open the wormhole then_

Wormhole opens_ Group waves Goodbye_.Maggie Jumps in first, Then Quinn, then Sam/Remmie, Then Janeway and Betsie_..

Wormhole Closes__Troi Shoots Dax_..Picard limps to sickbay.

Picard: OW! Ouch! OW! OW!

Wormhole opens at a concert___

Maggie emerges from the wormhole and lands on The BackStreet Boys! Quinn lands on the Hansons and Sam lands on N'Sync.

Author: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS JUSTICE! YES!

Another WormHole opens in Tom Paris's Quarters on Voyager_..

Tom Paris: (who is talking to Torres) That red headed Bimbo Janeway ordered me to expose myself to 1567 times the leathal exposure of radation_so I made Seven do it_..(Torres giggles)

Janeway: RED HEADED BIMBO! (Aims Betsie at Paris)

Scene Fades_..

Authors House_..

Author (Gets up to answer a knock at the door) Hello?

Agent K: We're here to discuss a few things with you____..

Agent J: (Points something at author)

White Flash ends all____

All characters in this story are used just for parody_.no compesation was received for any of this. Quantum Leap, Sliders, Star Trek The Next Generation, Starship Troopers, The MIB and Star Trek Voyager are property of their respective owners_so PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!