A Star Trek Christmas: The Original Series



Sulu: Captain, Captain! Look at me!

         I am standing on a Christmas tree!

Kirk: Sulu get down from there!

         if you don't I'll lose my hair.

Sulu: Oh my, Captain, don't you lose your hair

         I'll jump down, and land right there.

Kirk: Very good Sulu, do it now

         or I just might have a cow

Sulu: All right Captain, here I go.

         Hopefully I'll land in that patch of snow.

Kirk: Oh, no, Sulu, you badly missed.

         That's not fair! That's not what I wished.

         Sulu, Sulu, can you here me?

Sulu: Yes, I can, where's my kidney?

Kirk: McCoy, McCoy, come over here quick!

         I think Mr. Sulu has broken his stick!

McCoy: What do you mean he broke his stick?

Kirk: I had to find a word that rhymed with quick.

McCoy: Oh, I see. He broke his spine

             if we get him to sick bay he'll be just fine.

Kirk: Mr. Spock, get over here!

         I think Mr. Sulu has lost his ear.

Spock: Captain, Captain, look at what I found

           I've found his ear right here on the ground!

Kirk: Oh, good, oh, great, we'll beam up now

         And Dr. McCoy can operate!

Spock: Captain, please look right here!

            There is something in Sulu's ear!

Kirk: What is it Spock, now please tell me

Spock: Oh dear! It's a piece of a Christmas tree!

McCoy: Look at Sulu, he's screaming, Kirk.

             Beam us up now or he'll die, you jerk

Kirk: Scotty, please, beam up four

         when we get there, we'll tell you more.

Scotty: Aye, Aye sir

            Energizing, beaming up four.

Kirk: Thank you Scotty

         Excuse me, while I'll use the potty

McCoy: Sick bay, personnel, please come here

             This man has lost his ear

Sulu: Dr. McCoy, where's the Captain?

         Is he sick, what has happened?

McCoy: The Captain is fine, Mr. Sulu

McCoy: He hit the John, he had to poo poo.

In the Bathroom



(Spock's waiting for a stall)

Spock: I am waiting for a stall

            When you're done please do call

Kirk: Spock, get me Scott!

         I have broken the pot

Spock: Captain Kirk how'd  you do that?

Kirk: I don't know. I'm just too fat.

Spock: All right Captain, I'll get Engineer Scott

            but promise me, you won't brake another pot

(Spock goes to engineering)

Spock: Scotty, the Captain, you see

            has broken the potty.

Scotty: All right, Mr. Spock 

            I will go fix the pot.



On the Bridge



Everyone: Jingle bells, Captain smells fifty mile away blows his nose in

	Cherrios and eats them every day HEY!

	Jingle bells, Spock smells, Scotty laid an egg, the Enterprise lost warp

	drive, and the Klingons got away HEY! GASP! 



(The Captain and Mr. Spock enter the bridge)



Kirk: They got away?!

         Who let the Klingons get away!?

Chekov: Uh.... ve vere just singing Keptain.

              Nothing has happened.

Kirk: Oh, I see.

         How long before we reach shore leave?

Spock: 3 hours, 6 minutes, and 45 seconds is how long

Before we reach the planet Pong

Kirk: You are not wrong?

(McCoy enters)

Spock: Why Captain, I am sure

McCoy: Geez, you Vulcans can be a bore.

Kirk: How's Mr. Sulu?

McCoy: I put back his kidney, so he could go poo poo.

Kirk: What about his spine?

McCoy: His spine is fine

             And don't worry about his ear

             It can hear.

Kirk: Wow, McCoy, you're good

(Sulu walks in)

Sulu: He deserves to receive an award, he really should.

McCoy: Thank you all.

Sulu: I'll never again climb a Christmas tree, short or tall.

Kirk: Uh, dang, I hate endings

         Our time is descending.

Spock: I hope you all have fun!

Everyone: Merry Christmas everyone!





The End