The world of cartoons may be full of happy bunnies,
singing clouds, and that sort of happy horseshit, but there's always the
cartoon characters who are dumped into those worlds just to mess
everything up for everyone else. Without them, there would be no
real entertainment to cartoons at all and therefore, with this list, we
salute the 20 greatest cartoon bitches of all time!
20. Lola Bunny
Okay, I’ve got to
admit… Lola Bunny isn’t really a bitch so to speak, I just really hate her
rabbity good for nothing guts. She was a ploy, that’s all she was! A ploy
to give Bugs a female counterpart, a love interest so that everyone who
stop questioning his sexuality, and a strong female Looney Tunes character
for the sake of political correctness for all of the oversensitive pussies
out there. Not to mention all of the goody-goody marketing that came out
What was the result? Bugs Bunny became a whooped man and Space Jam
still sucked. Thank YOU Warner Brothers.
How do we know Lola’s a strong female character? She’s good at basketball!
Wow, that’s awesome, sweetheart, make me a steak and we’ll see how useful
you really are.
It’s not bad enough that Lola stunk up the already putrid Space Jam
with her estrogen and feminine hygiene products, now her character has
been hauled out of the bad idea dumpster and put on the mother of all
shitty Looney Tunes spin-offs, Baby Looney Tunes. I even think that
Lola is going to appear on the uber-crappy Loonatics.
So, yeah… Lola isn’t really a bitch, but my mama always told me never to
use the word “cunt” when speaking about a lady.
19. Lisa Simpson
you jump in and say, “Hey (durrrr) Lisa’s not a bitch!” I say, shut up she
Lisa’s got a big superiority complex in that she thinks she’s just that
much better than everyone else. Do you honestly think that Lisa believes
herself an equal to Bart or Homer or Marge? Oh no, Lisa is a pillar of
morality and higher thinking in her own mind and her family and friends
are but lower organisms.
And a complainer… Jesus Christ, is there anything this bitch hasn’t
complained or protested about? She doesn’t eat meat, she thinks fur is
murder, she doesn’t think that there’s enough art… For chimney sake,
little girl, put a sock in your babbler hole and try and make friends your
own age! Perhaps there’s a reason you don’t have your own version of
Millhouse, you over opinionated whiney bitch!
18. Olive Oyl
I believe that the
words that I heard used to describe her was “an ugly thin manipulative
whore” and that pretty much sums it up as far as I’m concerned.
Now, Olive Oyl isn’t a bitch all the time and, granted, she does her fair
share to resist the rapist advances of Bluto, but have you ever noticed
how often that Olive is the instigator of fights between Popeye and Bluto
and it’s all because of that damn bitch’s flirting when Bluto walks up to
her and mumbles, “Hey, how you doing?” and she blushes or some such shit
and says, “Tee hee hee hee hee.” I mean, Bluto is a bastard enough by
himself, but throw in this amount of bastarditude and bitchery and mix
them together and poor Popeye didn't stand a chance!
It’s slight, but its there. If you can take the boredom, watch some of the
Popeye cartoons and keep a close eye on the number of times this skank has
gotten her boyfriend beat up. It’s shocking to see just how manipulative
she really is!
And I didn't even touch on how stuck up she is!
17. The Baroness
Looking back at my
primarily faded memories of GI Joe, I believe that the Baroness was
the only lady serving in the upper echelon of C.O.B.R.A.. So, how did this
unimpressive female make her way to the top of a complete shower of
bastards like Destro and Cobra Commander? How do you think? She was
She was a sexy bitch, that’s for sure. Sultry, seductive, and those
glasses were a hell of a turn on. The fact that she looked at people as if
she was concocting new and horrible ways of torturing them was sexy as
But let’s face it, sexy or no, the Baroness was a bitch who had no loyalty
to her superiors. Ever notice how when Serpentor took over C.O.B.R.A.,
Baroness was one of the first ones to tell him what an incompetent fool
Cobra Commander was?
Don’t have this woman watch your back, men, she just may put a knife in
16. Mammy Two-Shoes
not talking about the Mammy Two-Shoes we see today, this pale politically
correct and re-dubbed imposter that currently appears in the Tom and Jerry
Cartoons, I mean the big, black, beautiful, and badass mama that would
kick Tom’s ass into next week for something that that little bastard mouse
Jerry would do.
You all know that Jerry made the bastard list, say hello to his comrade in
Mammy Two-Shoes (which, I don’t even think is her name anymore) had a
shrieking voice like Eddie Murphy in drag and was mean as anything you
would come across in the cartoon world and was particularly more menacing
because you never saw her face (think of Nana from Muppet Babies if she
would periodically kick one of the children).
Alas, her bitchery level has gone down thanks to Ted Turner’s need to
slice and dice his cartoons to make them inoffensive. Perhaps he should
have been on the bastard’s list too, no?.
really didn’t realize what a cold-hearted bitch that Loretta really was
until she left poor adorable Cleveland on Family Guy. I mean, Cleveland
was such a nice guy! How the hell did he end up with this flaming trollop
is beyond me.
The thing that really pisses me off about Loretta is that she made her
entire affair with Quagmire seem like it was Cleveland’s fault in the
first place. Sorry, honey, unless Cleveland pushed you and you landed on
Quagmire’s dick, you’re just a bitch. Not only a bitch… you’re a ho too,
14. Alexandria Cabot
First of all,
Alexandria was rich and stuck up which automatically makes you a bitch as
far as I’m concerned. This half-witted evil version of Paris Hilton would
spend most of her wasted day following Josie and the Pussycats, berating
them, and sometimes even sabotaging them.
And why was this? Did she want control of the universe? Did she want to
take over the band? Did Josie kill her father? Oh no, Alexandria just
wanted to date Alan M. and was afraid that he was sweet on Josie.
Jesus Christ, what a bitch! Willing to wreck her friends lives and
livelihoods for a man? It’s bad enough that Alexandria looks like a skunk
is fucking her head, but what’s with the high school attitude in in the
professional music industry. I mean, Paris and Nichole hate each other
now, but they still work together!
Put on the big girl panties, Alexandria, and deal with your issues!
13. Holly Would
for a moment that Cool World is one of the most vile and visually
unappealing movies ever put to screen, Holly Would wanted to be human… and
she was willing to destroy the world to do it!
Someone should really sit this stupid bitch down and explain to her with
sock puppets that she’s a citizen of the world too and that if it’s
destroyed, she’s not going to be human for very long.
Okay, now forget for a minute this dumb bitch’s scheme. Holly was a user,
abuser, and manipulator and you can’t get to be a bigger bitch than that.
Unless, of course, you star in a horrible movie…
Hey, she did!
I love this woman.
Love her, love her, love her. In my opinion, Yzma is the greatest villain
that the House of Mouse has ever come up with and The Emperor’s New Groove
is the last great cartoon they ever did.
Still, is Yzma a bitch or what?
Aside from being scary beyond all reason, Yzma’s drive is fueled by a
plethora of bitchy reasons… vanity, a lust for power, and a sexual drive
that I would rather not think about. I mean, why else keep Kronk around?
I know that people are going to be – pardon the pun – bitching that Mom
isn’t higher on the list, but her includement on the list in the first
place is only a testament to the power this bitch has in the year 3000.
The owner of Mom’s Friendly Robot Factory, the reason why this woman is
such a bitch isn’t because of her greed, her attitude, his wanton
destruction of the environment or her nearly successful attempt to take
over the world… Mom is a bitch because she’s put on a facade of a
friendly, elderly, and kind-hearted old woman that the public eats up.
Dubya must have been watching this show and getting ideas.
She mean, she’s maniacal, and no matter what there’s no way that Fry and
his friends could ever prove it. Mom is a bitch in one of its purest
10. Cruella DeVil
Just so we’re
perfectly clear here, there’s only two ways that this woman could possibly
have gotten the name “Cruella.” First, it could be her natural name which
makes you wonder just how horrible of a baby she could have been. I mean,
she already had the name “DeVil” and her parents went and saddled her with
a name like “Cruella?” How evil was this baby anyway? Did she pop out, use
her cord as a bungee, and bite the doctor in the balls?
The second way she could have gotten her name is if she went and changed
it herself. I can see it now… her parents named her something cute and
ironic like Angel DeVil and, when she came of age, she took a good look at
her name and said, “Fuck that! I’m Cruella!” She’s a bitch and she’s proud
Forgetting for a moment the fact that this woman is already a “cruel
devil” in your mind when you first hear her name, for God’s sake… this is
a woman who was going to slaughter and skin over a hundred Dalmatian
puppies so that she could look fashionable! I bet you money that bitch has
tsunami orphans working for 3 cents a day somewhere in Thailand!
She’s a bitch, dahling!
9. Evil Lyn
Evil Lyn is a lot
like The Baroness from GI Joe, only a lot more scary. There is a
certain allure to her, but for some reason every fantasy I have about her
ends with her pulling out my intestines and eating them.
So yeah, considerably less sexy than The Baroness with that manish voice
and butch demeanor… at least now we understand the strange tension between
her and Teela.
But what makes this raging bull-dyke a bitch? Well, for one thing she’s
almost the personification of evil in Eternia, cares nothing for her
fellow man, and would fuck over Skeletor the first chance she got to take
over his entire empire. You know, she’s such a bitch that if she did take
over Snake Mountain, I have a feeling that He-Man and the Masters of
the Universe would be pretty much screwed.
The remake made her into an even bigger bitch. I mean, for God's sake...
this woman's name is Evil Lyn! There's no mamby pamby trotting around with
a subtle name like "Cruella DeVil", when you hear the name Evil, you're
not expecting this broad to bake you cookies and give you a foot massage
like a normal woman should.
Evil Lyn, I find you guilty of bitchcraft!.
The latest addition to
our list, Toot is a hoot, but this witch is a bitch, that’s for sure.
Every reality show has a bitch and filling that role on Drawn Together
is this veteran of the old black and white toons and Betty Boop knock off.
Toot’s one perverse pleasure is to turn everyone’s life upside down and to
stuff her fat gullet with as much food as possible. In the first episode,
she tells everyone at home that she’s going to be the series’ bitch and
that pretty much set the bar for her. I mean, to get a little high, she
put poor little Ling-Ling through hell just so she could lick his back for
I dub thee, bitch!
I’m not sure how many
of you guys will remember this bitch, but near the end of Thundercat’s
run, Luna and her fellow Lunattacks were brought in to replace the mutants
as a more deadly enemy to Lion-O and his kin and essentially, all the
Thundercat fans hated her and her whole pathetic lot.
Aside from the usual reasons for being a bitch – evil, mean, sadistic.
bossy, and not being in the kitchen – there was one glaring reason why
Luna is one of the biggest bitcholies we’ve seen in two-dimensional hand
the shit is this? Yeah, she’s short… but she’s got two perfectly good legs
on her and yet she feels like she has to ride on the back of a mentally
retarded guy with a pituitary disorder? I don’t have the words. Seriously,
I don’t have them…
You don't see Vern Troyer riding Big Show like a horse. The bitch has no
doesn’t take much to recognize the amount of bitchery that this character
has. Sweet and innocent to the grown-ups, but a tormentor and hag to other
babies, Angelica is the ultimate two-faced harpy and the kind of kid you
just want to strangle for a few hours.
Let's be frank here, kids, we all knew an Angelica
when we were little and we all hated her. If you didn't know an
Angelica when you were little... it was you.
This bitch definitely put the rat in Rugrats.
5. Miss Piggy
I’m thankful that
Miss Piggy was turned into a cartoon for Muppet Babies because,
let’s face it, no list of famous bitches would be complete without her.
Piggy is sort of like Angelica in that she’s two faced, but Miss Piggy is
also a violent little sow repeatedly smacking the crap out of Gonzo and
all but raping Kermit. Her short temper and the way she looses her cool
makes her a dangerous individual and I'm surprised that Nana allows her to
stay in the nursery with the other babies alone!
Miss Piggy is definitely the destabilizing force in Muppet Babies and, if
not for that bacony bitch, I have a feeling that all of the little tykes
would live in peace and harmony.
Now shall you
deal with ME, o Prince - and all the powers of HELL!
Out of all of the bitches to leave the House of Mouse, Maleficent remains
the coldest and the scariest. You see, this is a bitch who not only
practices bitchcraft, but has honed the fine art of bitchery to a new
Think about it. When she crashed the royal party at the beginning of
Sleeping Beauty, she could have just killed the baby and been done
with it, going home to watch Desperate Housewives or whatever single
bitches watch. Instead, Maleficent used her magnificent bitch brain which
was, no doubt, boiling over with Bitcha-Caritine – the chemical that makes
women into bitches – and put a curse on the baby to let her live for
eighteen years and then kill her… letting everyone get very used to having
her around, getting attached to her and all and then BAM! Death by
spinning wheel, baby.
You’ve just got to appreciate the sheer amount of callous bitchiness in
3. Shelia Brovloski
Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll, Kyle's mom is a bitch, she's a big fat
She's the biggest bitchin the whole wide world
She's a mean old bitchif there ever was a bitch,
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch
On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch
Then on Sunday, just to be different,
She's a Super-King-Kamehameha Beeyatch
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom,
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world
She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,
She's a stupid bitch!
Kyle's mom's a bitch, and she's just a dirty bitch!
Kyle's mom...is a...biiiitch! Tchah!
is a thousand years old and she spent every day of that thousand years
hating humans and trying to think of new and interesting ways of killing
them. Over the years, that hatred poisoned her like bad sushi until all
those malevolent feelings boiled and bubbled inside of her until she
Then, a few years later, she became an ultra-mega winged bitch of the
skies who would just as soon rip off your head and shit down your neck
stump than look at you.
What makes Demona a true bitch is her unwillingness to take responsibility
for her own actions. You see, the chain of events that started her
downfall into bitchiness began when she betrayed the Gargoyles to the
humans (causing their destruction) and, like a true bitch, she blames
everyone else for her own failures like Michael Eisner, Oliver Stone, and
I mean, true, it’s rare that a female will take responsibility for
anything, but Demona’s been avoiding it for centuries so she’s got to be
one of the biggest bitches on Earth…
…Well, perhaps excluding our number one bitch.
1. Lucy Van Pelt
this, you have a football and you're playing with a little kid who looks
like he's a cancer victim. Now, if you were a mammal like the rest of us,
you would let this pathetic loser kick the ball and feel some kind of
accomplishment in his poor excuse of a life, but if you're Lucy it's a
Lucy is the biggest bitch in cartoon and comics history. She's mean to
everyone she meets with the exception of Shroeder who she hangs around
with and flirts with just to piss him off. She's constantly threatening
people and bossing them around, and her fear of germs keeps her from even
enjoying the presence of a dog who freakin' dances for his supper. Did I
mention that she should just let Charlie Brown kick the goddamn ball just
Even with all of her problems... the bossiness, the violence, the
germophoblia, Lucy still has the gall to think that she, out of all of the
peanuts, has her act together the most so that she can offer her services
to the other children as a shrink and then... then, she still wants to
take ten cents from them as a fee for her crappy advice.
Lucy Van Pelt can eat a dick, drink a bucket of AIDs, and die. She is
cartoondom's biggest bitch.