|Donner Recommends Ten Actors for the Role of The
Given that my inner geek hasn't had much of a chance to get out in the sun, stretch his legs, and then scurry back inside to play WoW, it's time for me to mentally vomit on all of you my choices for who should succeed Matt Smith in the role as Doctor Who's good Doctor.
Bear in mind, this is in no way a slap in Matt Smith's very odd face. I have thoroughly loved his portrayal of the Doctor and hope that he continues the role for many years. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I have enjoyed Matt Smith better than Tennant or Eccleston. Still, the fact remains that Mr. Smith will one day hang up that cool bow tie and regenerate into the sunset.
That in mind, this is where my very geeky list comes in.
So, sit back and enjoy a wibbly wobby timey whimey list. I do expect the BBC to take my suggestions seriously and, if you have any, be sure to comment below.
Recommendation #1: Alan Tudyk
I imagine that everyone over in England just dropped their tea and scones on the floor with their monocles following shortly with the shrill staccato shrieks of, "By Jove! That boy is an American!"
Yes, you've got me there. Alan Tudyk is an American... one of the most ass-kickingly funny American actors you will ever see. Tudyk spent some time in the pilot seat of Serenity in the tragically short Firefly series and has appeared in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, A Knight's Tale, and Death at a Funeral. In every single one of those presentations, he didn't play an American. The dude can pull of accents like it's no one's business.
And it isn't, so keep your filthy noses out of it!
Why recommend an American for a part that is, at its soul, so uniquely British? Well, I for one believe that the Doctor is transcendent of all cultures. The Doctor could be African, Indian, Japanese, or Polynesian - none of it matters. What matters is that you have a charismatic person playing him.
Secondly, it is the person playing him that matters and not where that person comes from. I know America isn't exactly the most respected name in the world right now, but a person's point of origin shouldn't automatically disqualify them for a part. Besides, if Superman can be British, Doctor Who can goddamn well be American.
Signature Look: The Tukyk Doctor
would wear normal street clothes with the odd addition of a tool belt where
he would store a wide variety of useful items such as his sonic screwdriver,
assorted wibbly-wobbles, and a seemingly never-ending supply of small
Recommendation #2: Russell Tovey
Russell Tovey is the star of the British fantasy series, Being Human, and appeared in the Doctor Who special, "Voyage of the Damned" as the faithful ship's pilot. Unfortunately, in my opinion, Being Human is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids, and I think it's time we found Russell a new line of work before he finds himself jobless.
He's also very much English so you English can put your monocles back in and resume sipping your tea.
Russell Tovey is someone who strikes me as an actor who easily connects with his own humanity and that is something that I believe would greatly benefit the Doctor as it is a trait shared by most of the actors who have played him. He also has the benefit of an almost inhuman facial feature that, like Matt Smith's gigantic chin and forehead, would allow him to be human but have an odd alien look to him.
Russell's also openly gay and I could only see him using such a high-profile position to bring about awareness for gay issues such as equal rights and protection against bigotry.
Signature Look: The ears.
Jesus Christ, the ears! Anyone familiar with Tovey knows that his
ears are goddamn legendary. They stick out like car doors and, with a strong
gust of wind, would probably carry him off to a land of singing midgets. The
Tovey Doctor's signature look would be his complete insecurity over said
ears and his many ill-thought out methods of trying to call attention away
from them outside the Tardis from earmuffs to hats.
Recommendation #3: Sasha Baron Cohen
Sasha Baron Cohen has become legendary for his ability to not only disappear into a character, but to maintain that illusion even in real world situations as his creations, Borat and Bruno, have testified to.
Sure, Cohen is a gigantic movie star now, but this is the part of Doctor Who we're talking about. If someone offered it to me, I would chop off my right testicle and eat it for that opportunity... without even being asked!
I think that Mr. Cohen could bow out of big time movies for a few years to drive the Tardis through time and space.
Signature Look: I know you're
waiting for me to say a mankini, but fuck you. I'm not going to. The Cohen
Doctor would introduce the logical step up from psychic paper: the psychic
wardrobe that would morph into whatever the Doctor needed for any particular
situation. The doctor would literally be a walking costume closet which
would play nicely off of Cohen's ability to transform into his role.
Recommendation #4: Dominique Monaghan
Dominique Monaghan is no stranger to the world of science fiction and fantasy. Already, he's well known to fanboys for his role in The Lord of the Rings movies and the American TV show, Lost.
It's not hard to imagine Dom walking out of the Tardis to do battle with a garrison of Cybermen because, physically, he's odd enough looking to pull off the alien part of the doctor while, at the same time, he's handsome enough to charm the ladies and John Barrowman, of course.
Signature Look: Well, he would be
short, that's for sure. The Dom Doctor would be defined by his facial hair
as the only doctor to sport a beard. (Hey, the look works for Monaghan, so
why mess with it?) The Dom Doctor would also be the most casual of the lot,
spending his time in T-Shirts and shorts.
Recommendation #5: John Cleese
I'm just going to out and say it: We should not be afraid of making the Doctor old again! There are plenty of reasons why the Doctor should regenerate older every now and then and, to tell you the truth, I'm getting a little weary of Doctor sex appeal being pushed on the audience.
So, yeah... let's return to the early years when the Doctor was a cranky old bastard and let's give the role to British legend, John Cleese. The man has already appeared in the classic Doctor Who episode, "City of the Dead," so let's give him the sonic screwdriver and allow him to do what John Cleese does - be fucking awesome.
Signature Look: Go back to the Edwardian look they tried out with the 8th Doctor and give it a touch of the 21st century. Perhaps this could be the first doctor with an iPad or an iPhone? This doctor also needs a cane and, after seeing "Let's Kill Hitler," it needs to be a sonic cane.
I'm also going to throw this out there, but
it's time for old Bessie to make a comeback. That's right, let's see
the return of the Whomobile! Remember, Cleese is old and can't very
well walk around everywhere by himself!
Basically... John Cleese.
Now the Doctor is more of a grandfather
type figure who is reluctant to take on "strays" (he doesn't call them
companions) but realizes that he wouldn't have it any other way (not that he
would admit it). Just don't touch the bloody control panel!
Recommendation #6: Alan Cumming
From his role as the superhero Nightcrawler in X2 to his role as a slimy music producer in Josie and the Pussycats, Alan Cumming has proven himself one of the most versatile and underappreciated actors of our age and, so, I propose we give this man the keys to the Tardis and let him give it a spin.
If nothing else, it will keep him away from projects like The Smurfs or Son of the Mask where he is completely wasted.
Also, like Tovey, very... very gay*.
*All right, he's bi. Dammit, people, stop writing me!
Signature Look: The Cumming Doctor... Wait, that sounds totally wrong.
The Alan Doctor would be the Willy Wonka of the doctors, not wearing the patchwork nightmare of the 6th Doctor, but something tastefully colorful none the less. Perhaps a rotating assortment of bright primary colored suits with different colored shirts and ties to go with them? You know what? Let's put a question mark tie tack on him and complete the look.
What the hell... He's showy!
Recommendation #7: Chiwetel Ejiofor
Another recommendation from the universe of Firefly, Chiwetel Ejiofor first entered my notice as the Operative in Serenity and as Helmsley in the hilarious comedy, 2012.
In case you haven't noticed, he's also black.
For some reason, the very idea that the doctor can regenerate into a black guy has been a source of controversy for a while just like I'm sure that giving them equal rights and the Emancipation Proclamation is still apparently a source of contention for some people. Now, they say that their opinion has nothing to do with race... which I say, of course, bullshit.
Besides, Doctor Who was kind enough to answer the question of a race-switch recently as a black person regenerated into a white person, so it should be a non-issue. Just as I stated with Alan Tyduk, it's not a question of nationality or color, it's a question of the actor and, in this guy's case, it's a non-issue. He would be an awesome Doctor.
Signature Look: Despite what you may think, being black is simply not enough of a signature look.
He needs something that would really set
him apart and I actually think that this Doctor could pull off the
sophisticated Edwardian look of William Hartnell or Paul McGann. Throw
him some spectacles and a pocket watch, and you would have a look decidedly
non-black and more worldly just as the Doctor should be.
The Black Doctor is calm, collected, intelligent, and smooth. If Matt Smith is a frothy fizzy drink with umbrellas and sparklers in it, our new doctor is a glass of ice water. He has a pleasant personality and a hypnotizing charm about him.
Even though I'm getting sick of the theme,
this is the doctor everyone wants to fuck.
Not for that reason, perverts.
Someone young and street-smart in a way that augments the doctor's vast but unpersonable knowledge. I would actually propose to pair the new Doctor with a stereotypical troubled black American male and play off the differences between the two making them The Odd Couple in space... drastically different personalities, but an amazing team when united.
This would also be a perfect opportunity for the show to address issues of race without clubbing people over the head with them as Doctor and Companion affect each other and take away the best of each other.
Not that way, perverts.
Recommendation #8: Adian Turner
Adian Turner is the second actor from Being Human I am recommending, but for completely different reasons than his co-star. Where Russell Tovey emanates humanity, Adian Turner emanates something else that fans have been asking for -- darkness.
Signature Look: Dark. Very very dark.
Some fans have been clamoring for a darker
and somewhat more abrasive version of the Doctor and so, the Turner
incarnation would be decked out in all black all the time. You would
never see a shred of color on the man at all.
The Turner Doctor is impatient, unfriendly, and wants to be alone. The signature traits of the doctor are there: his needs to right wrongs and the like, but much like the early days of the 9th doctor, he's not exactly going to offer the bad guy a hand if they're about to fall into a flaming pit of their own making. He's perfectly fine letting the bad guys burn.
If it sounds harsh, I'm actually modeling
him after the first doctor's personality in the first version of "An
Recommendation #9: Juliet Aubrey
Just like all of the "Doctor turning black" questions were put to bed this season, so was the big question: could the Doctor regenerate into a woman? The answer was yes and so, the floodgates are open. The Doctor can become a chick and, if he does, I think she should be played by Juliet Aubrey, late of BBC's Primeval where she played the vicious and evil Helen Cutter.
Again, it's not about nationality, color, or gender -- in the end, the Doctor transcends all of that. It's all about the doctor's romanticism and intellect overcoming cynicism and violence. Should it matter that the Doctor now has a nice pair of boobs?
Signature Look: She should be topless. All the time.
Barring that, this should be a regeneration that the doctor has a very hard time with. Even though she has always known that a female regeneration was possible, she should be completely unprepared for it to the point of denial. She could dress herself in men's clothing, attempt a butch haircut, and even deny she's female... all for comedy.
As the series continues and she becomes
more comfortable in her new skin, she would branch out and become more
Recommendation #10: Rupert Grint
There's been one thing that the Doctor has been begging of whatever gods Time Lords happen to pray to and that is to become a ginger. Why the Doctor wants to become one without a soul is unclear to me, but he's done so much good for the universe, what with helping it not end and everything, that I think it's time to give him what he wants.
Not only should the 12th Doctor be a ginger, but he should become the God of Gingers. The recipient of the super secret Ginger salute... Rupert Grint.
We all know Rupert! He's Ronald Weasley, the best friend of Harry Potter! Anything else he's done has been eclipsed by a great big ginger sun thanks to this role...
...at least until now.
Signature Look: Aside from his overwhelming gingerness, the new Doctor needs to become as anti-Ron as possible. Having Rupert Grint on the show would no-doubt cause a tidal wave of Potterheads to jump on board which would be brilliant, but they would have be be shown as quickly as possible that this is not Harry Potter.
The Grint doctor strikes me as the youngest
of the lot and, therefore, he would have to be the most spoiled rebellious
punk of the bunch. Why not play off that look with torn jeans and
t-shirts? Why not give him a pierced nose or a tattoo?
The problem is that Grint Doctor is so far
up his own ass that he's wearing spelunking gear. He is also condescending
to everyone which, given his young appearance, puts even more people off.
The Doctor has no clue he's doing this and, even if he did, he probably